#and apparently i'm going to use that to have intense feelings about fictional men

[little-elf-wanders]

I just realised my f!hawke is actually trans so happy transition Riko Hawke! Riko was made when I was younger, and only ever wore boys clothes and went by he/him. I was obsessed with tomboy aesthetics and things involving women disguising themselves as men, so Riko was a character I made elsewhere with all of that - he's also a werewolf but like, you can only do so much in Dragon Age. (Shoutout to me being genderfluid without knowing it tho, surprise babes.) I chose f!Hawke because at the time, m!Hawke's muscle mass was intimidating for the idea of Riko and Riko has a very 'I'm just a tomboy!' mentality back then.

Riko just wasn't shaped like that, either, and I couldn't justify him as this big gruff dude so I chose f!Hawke. Personal preference has me preferring androgyny in most of my creations - not all but most - it becomes apparent more recently in my writing that isn't published here that I have a favourite way of making characters. I've always thrived to confuse someone and get "Boy? Girl?" because fuuuuuuck gender stereotypes and their boxes and it's fun to explore that through characters, especially since I still don't fully know myself yet - if you're reading this ramble, I'm 31 and I still don't know, so if you're like me and you don't know how to word it, it's okay. I only JUST now cut my hair and had it shaved and the confidence that alone has given me. I'm personally not trans, I couldn't commit, but the journey was important to go through because it did make me realise some things. And that you won't know all the answers or it won't always be so obvious within yourself. It took years of writing to express myself and gaming and media and research to even figure out this much. Some know immediately, but to those who don't, just know you'll get there. Be kinder to yourself about this journey.

I discovered it belatedly.

And despite my playthrough using the fem body, he's still a man to me. At least he fully transitioned in the ten year gap with Fenris. So I can look at DA2 and even DA:I as his beginning when he didn't realise, just like I didn't realise either. (all the hints were there I'm still laughing about it) I imagine when he reunited with Fenris after Inquisition - because no I didn't leave Riko in the fade - they went travelling, he likely had a good talk with Krem too. Potentially. If not, he at least became aware with the lightbulb 'wait, you can do that?' moment and I believe he's on his way to being who he is now.

So despite this recent revelation (because truly it is recent, the non-dragon age version of him just had that moment of '...oh.' like a few months ago) I won't be retconning him to be male from the jump because that feels like a cheap way of lessening his actual build up, and while it won't ever be shown in game, I'll know and can have that for me. As I got older, I've longed for things to slow down. Not every road to this needs to be so certain. Everything is so intense and fiery when you're young, and I envy those who can just know themselves and be so unapologetic about it. I saw others be so sure and it made me very unsure, you can get lost in the sauce. But don't match your pace to others, I made that mistake and got even more confused. I was always a person who preferred the peaceful walk over a running sprint. (We need both types in this world honestly) So I think I'm pleased with this decision. Both for Riko and myself.

I'm making this mostly for me, but also in case anyone had these extremely late realisations with their characters/themselves and felt it might be odd to change things now. You don't need to so long as you know the story and how things came to be, you can also retcon to your hearts content, that's the beauty of fiction. You get to decide.

[keanureevesisbae]

YAAAY - A NEW CHAPTER!! I read this while I was waiting on my friend while we were shopping and she took a shocking amount of time in the dressing room (she said: you've got a smile on your face, who were you texting? So naturally I said a random friend's name who send me stupid memes on instagram, because she is not ready to hear that I was reading a fic about myself and a handsome fictional henry cavill character) - okay, I digress, onto my notes

First and foremost: this is a shocking amount of names and my head is spinning (and that comes from me who has a shocking amount of family - like even worse than this family)

“You did lose me,” you growled. Sy’s family consisted of a fair amount of big men – not that Sy was by any means the runt of the family; quite the contrary, in fact – and a far larger amount of less-than-tall-but-still-taller-than-you women. And kids. So, so many kids. Some of which, you noticed, were also taller than you.

No but seriously, I am such a dwarf, this hits closer to home than it should be.

As soon as he said it, the living room went much more quiet, and the entire atmosphere turned much more uncomfortable.

This is such a sitcom moment omg hahaha

Omg their names are Betty-Jo and John Bob? I love this, so hillbilly it's amazing

“Now probably ain’t the best time to ask why your furniture is in her living room, right, Sy?”

You little giant bitch

Sy looked like he was about to commit murder, but so did Sy’s mom – and you had to admit she was much scarier – and very quick to put two and two together.

No, but this is literally my favorite type of thing. You have this very scary ass looking big giant of a man and then there's his mom, who is even scarier. - i love that

“One second, Ma,” Sy said with a grin before turning to you. “Sugar, did I or did I not tell you that that was exactly what she’d have to say about that?”

Look at him, being cheeky to calm his gf a little knowing it would earn him a slap - i love it

“This is Georgie,” Sy said after they were out of earshot, “the youngest of the twins, who’s apparently made it his life’s mission to try’n get me killed. What the fuck was that, you bastard?”

“Revenge,” Georgie replied, “For ratting me ‘n Angelina Jefferson out.”

“That was senior prom! You held onto that for nearly ten years? God damn!”

Again a sitcom moment

“Anyway, this is his wife, Emma. And that’s Mikey, their youngest. The eldest is Helena Marie, she’s off somewhere, I reckon.”

Mikey? 👀 were you inspired by one of your fave henry cavill characters? (also, Helena Marie, such a cute ass combo)

“Uncle Sy!” you suddenly heard from behind, and a boy – you guessed he was 12 or so years old – appeared next to you. “New girlfriend?”

Did this kid just out him? New girlfriend? HOW MANY HAS HE SEEN? THE KID IS 12?!?!?!

“Oh, sweetie,” she said when she saw your face, “It’s okay if you don’t know what to say! You look scared to death, sweetheart, are you alright?”

“Just not used to all this big family… stuff,” you admitted softly as you looked around the room to all the faces of people you hadn’t been introduced to yet. You were already dizzy, how the hell were you going to survive this?

No, but seriously, I understand this feeling. What I said before: I come from a big ass family. I'm the youngest of the billion grandchildren and I'm like far behind the rest age-wise. It's intense family meetings with us, because last time we had 70 people of my mom's side of the family together (like, three generations) and that was like 45% of the entire family.

Okay but enough about me

“Lara? Lara!” Now that voice you’d recognize everywhere: it was Jules. “God, there you are. You’re damn near invisible in here, I thought you were one of the kids. Come meet my parents!”

ABOUT DAMNM TIME JULES THAT YOU SHOWED YOUR FACE. Also, typical Jules to point out the obvious with the invisible comment - not her thinking I Lara was one of the kids omg ahahaha

“Exhausted,” you said, “and nauseous.”

Buikgriepje was het toch? 😂

Okay, honey, I say this with love

BUT YOU BETTER POST 24 VERY SOON SOON SOON BECAUSE I AM COMBUSTING WITH CURIOSITY. YOU KNOW HOW THEY SAY: CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT. WELL, THIS STORY MIGHT ACTUALLY KILL ME LADSKJFALKDSJFALKDSFJ

Part 23

Masterlist

Part 22 🍂 Part 24

Pairing: Syverson x ofc

Series summary: Life with Sy, what more can you wish for? The most amazing husband and father to a whole litter of cute little kids... Sometimes you wonder "how did you get here?"

Chapter warnings: Lots and LOTS of names. (The family tree isn't quite finished yet, but if anyone needs it to keep track of this... I'll post it XD)

Word count: 1.7k

A/N: 21 days. That's three whole weeks. I'm so sorry! I've been trying to get ahead on this thing for a bit, it didn't quite work out. I just wasn't in a Sy mood for some reason. But! Here we are again, with another fluffish chapter. @keanureevesisbae hold on to your ovaries, there will be Sy holding babies. (Do I owe up to 30 or 31 now?)

@deandoesthingstome @geralts-yenn @omgkatinka @summersong69 @beck07990 @peaches1958 @sillyrabbit81 @ellethespaceunicorn

A few quick observations: Sy’s family? Very big. And as you would expect from a big family; the noise was absolutely overwhelming. Dean appeared next to you out of nowhere, grabbing you by the shoulders and dragging you into a corner.

“Let Jules handle this part, just…” He looked around for a moment, which was a lot easier for him than it was for you, and called Sy over.

“There y’are, Sugar,” he said. “Thought I’d lost ya!”

“You did lose me,” you growled. Sy’s family consisted of a fair amount of big men – not that Sy was by any means the runt of the family; quite the contrary, in fact – and a far larger amount of less-than-tall-but-still-taller-than-you women. And kids. So, so many kids. Some of which, you noticed, were also taller than you.

“Let me introduce you to my family,” Sy said. To your surprise – though it didn’t surprise you as much as it maybe should have – he went out to look for his parents, first.

“Mom, dad,” Sy said when he’d found them in the crowd, “I’d like you to meet Lara, my girlfriend.” As soon as he said it, the living room went much more quiet, and the entire atmosphere turned much more uncomfortable.

“Alright, y’all absolutely sure y’all wanna get nosy?” It didn’t sound friendly, but everyone went off minding their own business, so that was good.

“Sy!” Either his mother didn’t appreciate her son’s direct approach, or something else was off. “Why is this the first time we’re hearin’ of any girlfriend?” Instead of offering a defense to his mother, Sy just looked at his dad.

“He may have said somethin’bout it to me,” Sy’s father growled to no one in particular before turning to Sy, “but it’s yer own fault for not tellin’ your mother directly.”

“It’s been busy,” Sy said softly. There clearly wasn’t a good way for him to navigate himself out of this conversation.

“Too busy to call your own mother? Good Lord, what did I do to deserve this?”

“Betty-Jo and John-Bob Syverson,” Sy chuckled at you as his mother made a few dramatic hand gestures before slapping Sy in the shoulder with her purse a few times.

“Now probably ain’t the best time to ask why your furniture is in her living room, right, Sy?” A younger man who looked like he was one of Sy’s brothers threw an arm around Sy’s shoulders and grinned so wide that you were almost scared his face would tear in half. Sy looked like he was about to commit murder, but so did Sy’s mom – and you had to admit she was much scarier – and very quick to put two and two together.

“Are the two o’ya livin’ together?” It was funny to hear that her drawl got more pronounced when she got mad, just like Sy’s…

“Ma, don’t get m-“

“It’s a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question, son.” There was absolutely no arguing with this woman.

“Yes.”

“Jonathan George Syverson, I raised you better than to go around livin’ with women you ain’t got no intention of marryin’!”

“One second, Ma,” Sy said with a grin before turning to you. “Sugar, did I or did I not tell you that that was exactly what she’d have to say about that?” He paid for the choice to interrupt the conversation with a very firm smack in the back of his head from his father.

“Don’t you think for a second that I’m in any way thrilled about this situation, son.”

“Nothin’ to do with you, sweetheart, you seem like a very nice girl,” his mother said to you in the nicest voice before scowling at her son again. “But you should know better. Sweet lord Jesus, what did I do wrong? You try to raise ‘em right, ‘n this is what you get…”

“You raised him just fine, Ma’am,” you said before slamming your mouth shut again. Why were you getting in the middle of this? You should definitely stay out of this. It was a good thing Sy smiled when you looked up at him, and he pulled you closer.

“I don’t think you gotta worry about his intentions to marry her, Ma,” his brother said as he looked at Sy’s face. His expression said everything – which seemed to calm his mother down at least a little. You talked to them for a moment before they walked away to say hello to Julie’s parents.

“This is Georgie,” Sy said after they were out of earshot, “the youngest of the twins, who’s apparently made it his life’s mission to try’n get me killed. What the fuck was that, you bastard?”

“Revenge,” Georgie replied, “For ratting me ‘n Angelina Jefferson out.”

“That was senior prom! You held onto that for nearly ten years? God damn!” He shook his head in disbelief until George was joined by a woman holding a kid. “Anyway, this is his wife, Emma. And that’s Mikey, their youngest. The eldest is Helena Marie, she’s off somewhere, I reckon.” Mikey reached for Sy, who took him from his mom. Something about seeing Sy with a kid on his arm made you melt. Apparently, George saw the way you looked at his brother.

“Looks good on him, doesn’t it?” he said with a big smirk. There was absolutely no denying that he was right. From the corner of your eye, you saw Jules, who had been handed what no doubt was the youngest kid of Pat’s sister.

“Shut up,” Sy snapped back at Georgie, “stop tryin’ to make her uncomfortable.”

“He’s right, though. It does suit you,” you said – again, without thinking about it. What was wrong with you? “Anyway, we’re not done with introductions, are we?”

“Not even close,” Sy answered before he started laughing.

“Uncle Sy!” you suddenly heard from behind, and a boy – you guessed he was 12 or so years old – appeared next to you. “New girlfriend?”

“Hey, Wes! Yeah,” Sy replied, “this is Lara.”

“Lara, or Aunt Lara?”

“Depends on whether you want to live to see another day, mister,” someone else replied to that question from somewhere behind you. You raised your eyebrows at Sy, who pointed out the next person for you to be introduced to: his sister-in-law Nora-Beth, who was married to the eldest of the twins, Ricky. According to Sy, they had one kid – so far: John-Luke.

“Aunt it is!” the teen in front of you said with the same big grin on his face that Sy usually had. He introduced himself as Wesley and disappeared again.

“Wes is my sister Mary Beth’s eldest,” Sy explained, and he pointed his sister out in the crowd, along with her husband Bill. “The other four are Gray, Will and Kenny, and there’s Lainey, the one she’s holding.”

“God, five kids?” You remembered that Sy had told you that Mary Beth was twenty-nine years old. “In nine years?” That was a tight fit, timewise.

“In thirteen years,” Sy said, “she had Wes when she was sixteen. Don’t bring it up with Ma around, she’s still not over it completely. It was Nana who knocked some sense into her, actually.” That was unexpected, because Sy had described his grandma as extremely religious and very… proper.

“She wasn’t thrilled,” Mary Beth had apparently heard your conversation, and was now standing next to Sy, “but she figured we’d have to make the best of a bad situation. Before you think the worst; my higschool boyfriend knocked me up and then took off. Bad enough, but not as bad as it could’ve been.”

“Oh, sweetie,” she said when she saw your face, “It’s okay if you don’t know what to say! You look scared to death, sweetheart, are you alright?”

“Just not used to all this big family… stuff,” you admitted softly as you looked around the room to all the faces of people you hadn’t been introduced to yet. You were already dizzy, how the hell were you going to survive this?

“Sy, what were you thinkin’, dumpin’ a sweet girl like her in the middle of this like it ain’t nothin’!” Another voice you didn’t recognize, but that problem solved itself. “Anna-Belle, nice to meet you! This is my husband, Lewis.” She pointed to the man next to her before giving you a hug. At least there seemed to be no kids attached to this pair, that was a nice break from everything that was going on. Unfortunately for you, the next unfamiliar face was already approaching for introductions. This time, it was Darlene Louise, Sy’s youngest siter, with her husband, Jonathan. You were beginning to gain some first-hand experience with the reason Sy went by Sy. Darlene Louise – who insisted she shouldn’t be called Darlene – and John – who insisted he shouldn’t be called Jonathan – had two kids: Jenna-Lynn and Vicky-Lee.

“Lara? Lara!” Now that voice you’d recognize everywhere: it was Jules. “God, there you are. You’re damn near invisible in here, I thought you were one of the kids. Come meet my parents!” She pulled you along to the far side of the living room.

“Mom, dad, this is Lara, my Dutch friend I’ve been telling you about for years!”

At least you recognized Debbie and Tim McGregor from pictures, and apparently they recognized you, too. Her mother hugged you, her father shook your hands, and they both repeated the phrase ‘nice to meet you’ half a dozen times before asking you all kinds of questions about yourself you felt you’d already answered seventy-two times this afternoon, even though you’d hardly spend any time talking to anyone, because Sy kept throwing names in your direction. After Julie’s’parents, you were introduced to Mary-Kate and Patrick Dawson – Pat’s parents – and Sy’s uncle Charlie and his husband Raymond. You managed to escapte to the kitchen before anyone else could get to you.

“Sugar? Are you hidin’?” Sy wrapped his arms around you more carefully than he usually would have. “I know it’s a lot, are you alright?”

“Exhausted,” you said, “and nauseous.”

“Do you want to lie down for a minute?” His offer came just a tiny bit too late, because Jules called everyone back into the living room for some sort of announcement, or whatever, and you had no choice but to follow Sy, who luckily stayed close to you.

[water-gaw]

About Neil’s supposed obliviousness in canon: I think it’s absolutely right that Neil’s observational skills don’t equip him to recognise affection. Beyond that, though, Neil is actively invested in not recognising Andrew’s feelings. There’s a parallel in his attitude to Exy here. Look at how good he is at convincing himself that playing in Millport and Palmetto is a justifiable risk, rather than a total liability. He can only do it by not quite letting himself look at what he’s doing, and he does it because he needs it so desperately. 

It’s the same with Andrew. By TKM, Neil’s all in, but his feelings don’t manifest as sexual attraction until Andrew clues him in that that’s a possibility (this feels like quite painfully accurate demi rep. Just at me next time). But the possibility of pursuing anything with Andrew absolutely hinges on Andrew not caring. So Neil has a very real investment in believing Andrew when he says he hates Neil. Neil’s feelings don’t matter (can’t be heartbroken if you’re dead *taps two fingers to forehead*). It’s hard to resist that kind of investment, especially if questioning what you’re told would cost you something you’re desperate to have. 

Added to that, you have Andrew’s mirrored investment in refusing to accept that he cares about Neil. If he recognises that, he’s breaking his deal with Aaron, and since keeping his promises is the core of his sense of self? Yeah, he’s not looking too closely at that either. He wants Neil to believe him. He wants to believe himself. This is a whole delicately balanced ecosystem of people lying to themselves and I love it so much. 

[braindeadskeletons]

Hello!! Can I have a matchup please?? It seems like every time I ask someone for one, something happens in which they can't 😂😂 but that's fine lol,, I'm a cisgender bicurious female of which the curious part is aimed towards males! The only men I've ever liked are fictional smh,, my friends tend to think I'm bubbly and very open, and they relate me to the colours orange or yellow! I'm also British and I have a love for horror movies and psychology. I would go on but,, happy writing!! Love ya

I'm a very naturally femine person in appearance. My room is full of pastel colours, mainly pinks and purples, alongside plushies and lots of duck ornaments! Since my favourite animal is a duck (fuck geese they scare the shit out of me). Despite this, a lot of people don't expect this? Apparently I seem like the kind of person to have a much simpler or perhaps darker room. So I usually tend to shock people when they see what my room looks like lol. I love unique fashion! Stuff you see on cat walks - christmas themed dress, teacup shaped t-shirt, whatever! You name it, I've probably seen something like it! Because of this, I also have a love for weird decorations. My kitchen is flamingo themed, my bathroom is winter themed (yes, I have a santa clause toilet), and my office is fulled to the brim with 90s and 80s memorabilia. Stuff you wouldn't find nowadays without some digging!! I'm currently in college taking an accounting degree, also alongside business. After that, I also wish to take a literature course to help with my fanfiction writing (perhaps I could eventually write a novel? I don't know haha) Crude humour is the key for me to be happy. As much as silly humour and stuff is great, say something vaguely offensive and I'll crack up! As long as it's not meant to be taken genuinely, then I'll find it funny. Although I have to be close to the person for me to actually start laughing at stuff like that

Hey there! I'm so sorry this was a wait! I basically had some stuff come up and it delayed my work a lot. Plus the added time from the added information you gave me, which I thank you for by the way <3 I had a lot of fun writing this! I hope it doesn’t disappoint lol. Instead of delaying this further let's just get right into the matchup, shall we?

I match you with Undertale Papyrus!

This might've been a little too obvious huh? I just couldn't help it, you two seemed like such a natural pair! I try not to go with matches that are too obvious but sometimes you just have to go with it.

The first thing that naturally attracted Papyrus to you was how open and bubbly you are! He can relate a lot to that himself and seeing how much of a natural you are while interacting with others just convinced him further that he just had to talk to the pretty lady! Of course, the moment you two start talking you both hit it off. It’s kind of physically impossible for anybody to hate Papyrus or for Papyrus to hate anybody. You know those fanfics on AO3 that are slow burn, friends to lovers, 140+ chapters? That’s what this is. There is no better way to put your relationship before you both are dating. Papyrus means well, and by god is he a good person, but he’s a bit of an airhead when it comes to romantic attraction. You could literally tell him that you want to marry him and have ten monster/human hybrid children and he’d still be like ‘BUT,,,AS FRIENDS,,,?’ You’ll need to wait for him to understand his feelings himself. It’ll hit him at one of the dumbest times possible. For example:

----------

You: geese are just,,,,kinda,,,,horrible

Papyrus:

You: fuck geese

Papyrus: 

You:

You: Papyrus are y-

Papyrus:  I THINK I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU???

----------

Yup. Just like that. No warning, no proper build-up, nothing could have predicted this. It’s just silly moments between the two of you that make him so smitten. Like you’re such??? A dork??? How could he not fall in love with you?? It’ll be a huge smack in the face for him that he’s fallen in love with you. Probably it’ll be the same for you if you’re the type of person who is oblivious with love. If not, then it was horribly obvious he likes you and you were simply waiting for him to say something first. The blushing, constantly trying to impress you, his lovestruck gazes at you when you laugh at his antics, etc. The signs were all here if you’re able to spot them. Now that Papyrus is aware of the fact that he likes you he isn’t going to let this opportunity pass by. Time for the dating manual!

This part is actually going to be the worst. Yes, the hard work and effort are absolutely precious and you’re very flattered he’s trying to “court” you as he puts it but it’s going to be overwhelming. Unless you’re fully on board with flowers being left at your door, love letters, great “acts of love”, serenading you with a not so great voice, randomly inviting you out to “friend dates” that are actually regular dates in disguise, complimenting you every waking moment, and more you might want to stop him and just tell him you like him too. Once you tell him you feel the same way,  prepare for the most wholesome hugs and kisses from the big goober. Fully expect to wake up the next day and everybody already knows you’re his date-mate. Papyrus is going to tell everybody and their great grandmas that he landed himself with the greatest human ever. 

So you mentioned that your kitchen is flamingo themed? Uh,,,don’t get used to it. Not that Papyrus would ever openly try and change your home, he loves your decorating! He doesn’t really understand how people wouldn’t expect you to have such an adorable home! He has named all the duck ornaments, become well acquainted with your stuffed animals and the real animals, is slightly afraid of the Santa Claus toilet because Santa is the evil man sans told him about, etc, etc. But we all know how he gets in the kitchen. If you care about the wellbeing of your flamingo decorations maybe move them somewhere else? Papyrus swears that he won’t set fire to your home but we both know how that goes for everybody involved.

----------

Papyrus: HUMAN

You: Yeah?

Papyrus: HOW ATTACHED WERE YOU TO THE FLAMINGO DECOR

You:

Papyrus:

You:

Papyrus:

You: Hun, I love you

You: but if you fucked up the flamingo decorations I swear to god-

----------

This is a regular conversation you two need to have. Somebody, please stop him.

He really really loves your sense of fashion! Since the two of you have been dating, he’s actually gotten into it a bit himself. Papyrus tries not to invade your privacy but one time he stumbled into your office and saw all of your memorabilia dedicated to the 90s and 80s and immediately fell in love with the aesthetic. It’s all he could talk about for weeks and god knows he isn’t stopping anytime soon. Try introducing him to some more fashion! Papyrus probably won’t get enough of all of it. Watch him show up to your home dressed like the whole circus.

When Papyrus hears of how you’re studying right now, he’s going to go on a little bit of a rant about how he knows plenty of stuff about school! Not really. He just thinks he does because he has his face in a shrub at Toriel’s school. This isn’t to downplay his intelligence of course but monster education and human education have a lot of differences. When it comes to accounting Papyrus isn’t exactly going to understand anything, but he will be very supportive! He may not understand much about accounting but he surprisingly knows a lot about business?? Yeah, it’s a little strange but I guess you shouldn’t be that shocked. Papyrus is supposedly the ‘mascot of monsters’ and he’s also friends with the monster ambassador. To say the least, he’s surrounded by a lot of really important people. If you’d like, he’ll even take you to meet a couple higher-ups! Whatever he can do to support you he will.

As for your love for writing, Papyrus would probably have to redirect you to Alphys. Don’t take this the wrong way, it’s just that the humans on the surface have been a little…intense...for Papyrus and Sans. He’d like to take a break from any sort of writing for a long long time.

Onto the final section! Date nights! Which for Papyrus might as well be every night. His idea of an ideal date would probably be something extremely outlandish, but he knows humans can’t handle a lot of the stuff he can so he tones it down. Making dinner and watching a movie is good enough, right? Papyrus knows you love horror movies in particular. This poor guy is trying his very best. Please be patient with him. He wants to prove that he can protect you and be the bigger monster but he’ll end up clinging to you the whole time and maybe even crying?? Just a little. As a treat. 

Yeah, so go gentle on the horror movies. Poor guy is gonna pass out.

His main goal during the date will be to make you smile at every possible turn. You’re in luck with the crude humor! Now you may be thinking ‘but Papyrus isn’t crude, he’s such a sweetheart!’ and you’re not wrong really. Most of the stuff he says is entirely on accident or he’s just genuinely oblivious to the implications of what he just said. If anything that only makes it all the more hilarious to witness. If Papyrus catches himself with what he said he’ll try apologizing profusely only to be met with your adorable smiling face. He may not get what’s so funny but seeing how your smile reaches your eyes makes whatever he just said worth it.

[janiedean]

Hi, lavi. I need to vent about something and I do it here because you're probably the only smart person I know in this place. I've always had straight experience and today I define myself heterosexual. I've never felt sexual attraction toward girls, I'm simply not interested at all. Once, just once in my life I literally fell in love with a girl I couldn't even meet because of distance, I was not even attracted to her physically, I only knew I wanted her in my life because I cared a lot (1)

(2)Our friendship ended because of reasons and I went on with my life. I kept calling myself straight because that’s exactly how I feel, until one day I read here that people like me have internalized homophia. Those comments made me feel like shit, because despite everything I still feel I’m not bisexual or anything. Everytime I try to think of me in that way I feel like I’m offending real bisexual people and all the struggles they face everyday. I’m broken… What’s wrong with me?

I’d say the real question is what is wrong with people’s inability to grasp that that’s not internalized homophobia, but anyway, in order:

people like to pretend it doesn’t exist or it’s outdated, but the kinsey scale is a thing and more people than one might assume can fall in the 1/5 range (ie they’re a 1 rather than a 0 or a 5 rather than a 6), so like….. you could be a one? if your thing for the girl in question was actually physical and not what people on here call platonic because I mean you can have intense relationships with people that don’t imply feeling sexual attraction for them;

if you don’t feel like the bi label applies to you then you don’t *have* to use it - like, a lot of people here have… let’s say questionable opinions on the fact because like…. idk if it’s an outdated term or whatever but *flexibility* (ie being a kinsey one if you’re straight and a five if you’re attracted to the same sex) exists and it doesn’t mean you’re bi;

also, internalized homophobia is denying you might be not straight, not what you just said you are;

ie, I said I was gonna shut up about it but whatever (fair warning to anyone reading this ask: if I get inappropriate questions about this the anon goes immediately off for the weekend): in 2003 I went to watch kill bill volume one. I went in having always been attracted only to men, both real or fictional, I watched that movie, I went out like ‘woah uma thurman is hot’. at that I went like ‘wait a moment does that mean I’m not as straight as I figured I might have been’, mind that I was entirely fine with any result - like if I had realized I actually was also into girls I’d have been down with it. I thought about it for some time and considered stuff and concluded that no, I really didn’t like girls in general and I wasn’t attracted to *women* in general and feminine secondary sexual characteristics did not do that for me whatsoever, so I shrugged and went like ‘okay I guess I have an exception’ and went on with my life. and like… now I know I’m not generally into women and actually 90% of Typical Female Secondary Characteristics for me a turn-off, but if uma thurman (or gwendoline christie’s) double [mind that they’re exactly the same type and none of those two has a hourglass figure, both have fairly flat chests and they’re both way taller than me, so… it’s one type] chats me up at the bar I’d 100% be down with it, but that’s because I have one exception, not because I’m bi. and like…… if I had internalized homophobia I’d try to deny that or try to convince myself I really don’t have that exception, I wouldn’t shrug and accept it;

now, imvho, you’d be offending bi people if you used that label if you’re not. I mean, at least to me, in order to use it I should be generally open to the idea of being into women as well in general, not just if they tick off thirty specific boxes on the list and if even one of those boxes isn’t cleared then it doesn’t work. like, if it was like ‘I’m attracted to women as well but I don’t really like people with dark hair’ then it’d be a preference and that’d be fine, but ‘I’m attracted to people who are THIS SPECIFIC TYPE AND JUST THAT OTHERWISE IT DOESN’T WORK’ (ie uma thurman’s face double with a D cup would not work for me xD) is not imvho enough to work as a *general* assessment and I’d feel like an asshole if I went around saying I’m bi when I’m not and I don’t feel like it’s the right label and when I haven’t faced any struggle bi people face when I know I’m not and I’m not questioning myself, I’ve done that already and I already decided it’s not the right one;

so like…. you had a crush on a girl, it didn’t work out, you also haven’t stated if it was sexual or not but let’s say she was your exception to heterosexuality: if it had worked out maybe you’d have wanted to redefine your label because I suppose saying that you’re straight if you’re in a relationship with someone of the same sex then it would sound fairly weird, but until it happens (and until then it would be your problem, not other people’s) at most you’re straight with exceptions. and if you admit you have them you can’t have internalized homophobia because like…. if you had you’d be denying it to yourself, not accepting it as a thing that might happen;

(that said I mean if you wanted her in your life because you ‘cared’ and not because you were attracted to her that way it might be…. like, really intense feelings but like, if there’s no attraction in that sense it might also be that it wasn’t even **romantic** idk but like if it wasn’t the case you’d still be straight XD)

also: you don’t have to be anything. like, now I’ll sound like an ass but on this website there’s a, uh, certain tendency to attach oneself to anything to avoid falling into the dreaded cishet category, so a lot of people call internalized homophobia anything that might be an exception to being straight or idk I mean apparently according to some people finding women aesthetically beautiful if you’re a girl means you’re lesbian (and like guys no I find dunno amy adams and rose leslie extremely objectively good looking because they have the looks I wish I was born with, not because I find them **attractive**, doesn’t make me attracted to them at all and I know the difference since again I do have an exception it’s just not *that* one XD) because then it means you can say that you’re not straight, but……… like. some people are straight and can objectively appreciate the same sex’s looks or might have one exception or two. if they feel like they’re straight and they have no issue with the idea nor have issues with same-sex relationships themselves then it’s not internalized homophobia and there’s nothing wrong with them, it’s like… normal stuff. if people here want to call everything internalized homophobia, their problem, but… that doesn’t mean that’s how it works.

personally: from what you’re saying it seems to me like you’re straight and you might have one specific exception and that’s it and since you’re having no issues saying that you might have fallen in love with a girl at some point that doesn’t seem like internalized homophobia to me, and actually… sorry but if you’re worried that by calling yourself bi you’re appropriating the label then you’re not offending anyone since you’re actually worrying about being inappropriate doing it. now: no one can tell you to identify as something you know you’re not. if you don’t have any other reason to assume you might be into women (iN GENERAL, not That One Specific Girl) then you’re most likely straight. you can consider the flexible label (which you can do as much as people here like to deny it exists) if you look into it and you decide it’s more fitting, but like… there’s nothing wrong with you for having had one exception and not wanting to define yourself as something you feel you’re not, because if you actually did then you’d be doing exactly what you say you’re not comfortable doing, so… doesn’t sound like the case to me.

tldr: go ahead with your life, there’s nothing wrong with you and everything wrong with tumblr dot com and its obsession to force label on people while at the same time preaching the contrary ie that it’s everyone’s own choice to decide what it is that they are. /two cents