#and also... maybe i just haven't seen enough to make an accurate assessment but

[prismatic-starstuff]

okay was anyone going to tell me that ascended Astarion calls MC 'little love' and 'my treasure' in the smoothest most sultry voice I've ever heard or was I just supposed to get absolutely smacked around the head with that knowledge myself—

[anachronistic-cat]

So here's my thoughts, based on the knowledge that this poll was inspired by clingyduo actually accidentally getting married for the bit:

Afaik at least one member of each pair is already married, with the exception of bagi/Tina. I don't know enough about bagi or Tina to know if either of them is married. Due to most countries not allowing people to have multiple spouses at once, this is a significant impediment to accidental marriage.

If we ignore that, there's another logistical issue for every pair except grumbo, which is how long and tricky the process of marrying someone from a different country is. The more extensive the bureaucracy, the less likely people are to do it for a joke.

But let's assume none of these logistical issues exist, and just focus on the personalities involved.

Rendoc: they say A Lot Of Stuff (Ren most often, but Doc's not innocent either), and sometimes they are all in on the other's Weird Comment, and sometimes they are more bemused and reluctant. Typically, however, they go along with it. Ren will often heighten the situation, and while Doc gives of the sense of not being entirely sure how he ended up in this situation (Think sniffer butt). THAT BEING SAID, they tend more towards innuendo than marriage. I think they would play gay chicken and "accidentally" have a one night stand for the bit, but the idea of getting married wouldn't even cross their minds.

Grumbo: HAVE YOU SEEN THEM????? Fucking. Summoning circle rituals because they missed eachother. Years of friendship. Base neighbours on multiple occasions. Their "understanding" that essentially means that what belongs to one of them (on hermitcraft) belongs to both of them. Also. Grian's an EXCEEDINGLY chaotic bastard, who's very likely one of Tommyinnit's inspirations in the chaos department, and despite appearances, Mumbo's not much better. Grian (along with Jimmy, Martyn, and Joel) got a lordship title for the bit, so there's precedent for him filing paperwork for a joke. I swear to god, they ABSOLUTELY would accidentally get married, assuming that they haven't already. it would be completely platonic, and they would act like you're insane for questioning it, or assuming it is anything other than bros getting married.

Philza/Forever: I don't watch qsmp so I don't know enough to give an accurate assessment, but based on what I've osmosed, I think just the fact that they're on qsmp makes it a minimum 45% chance of accidental marriage. Although, again based on dashboard osmosis, I thought Phil's qsmp husband was Missa? So that maybe lowers it slightly.

Bagi/Tina: again, don't know enough about qsmp to make an accurate guess, but minimum 45% chance. The one clip of them I've seen raises it to 50%. (If we DO consider the previously discussed logistics, then they become the most likely)

Ethubs: ethubs. What can we say about ethubs. So like. Yeah they're insane about eachother, but whatever they have going on is not marriage. It's like. A magician and their familiar. The space between woven threads. A Mobius strip. A woodpecker and a tree. A sort of "I'll love you until it kills me". A binary star system that keeps almost crashing into eachother and destroying itself. actually thinking about it more I can absolutely see their relationship as married. The thing is. I cannot for the life of me imagine them actually getting married. And only partially because marriage would require etho to reveal his face, real name, and location to bdubs, and I honestly think he would rather die than reveal that sort of personal information to anyone online. So like. Yeah. Idk, I feel like any attempt to put a formal label on whatever ethubs are loses out on part of what makes them so fascinating.

So anyway. I don't ship grumbo, but they ARE the most likely to get accidentally married as a joke.

[doyelikehaggis]

Rowing the Rarepair Rowboat: Fleurdora/Delatonks | Nymphadora Tonks x Fleur Delacour

Requested by @halfthealphabet

The Order slowly trails into Grimmauld Place, one by one, all with the air of people living through a zombie apocalypse. Grim, weary expressions on every face.

Molly's bustling around as soon as she lays eyes on them, ushering them into the living room where the fire spreads a pleasant warmth into their bones. They certainly need it. Duelling a group of rogue Death Eaters is not exactly what any of them wanted to be doing at three in the morning, in the pouring rain.

Tonks is practically slumped as they join them, Fleur walking in beside them with Fred and Sirius somewhere behind.

"Damn fanatics," Moody growls, taking his frozen eye from its socket, motionless when it should be spinning.

"You'd think they'd have a bit of common sense considering their dark lord has been well and truly dead for a good year now," says George, flinging himself onto one of the crimson armchairs.

All of the old dark green ones (and pretty much everything that represented Slytherin, really) were thrown out by Sirius after the battle at the Ministry. Decided that if he was going to come that close to death at the hands of his own family again, he wasn't going to be stuck surrounded by constant reminders of them. Tonks happily helped him replace everything, since he needed someone who could actually leave the house. The tapestry is still proving to be a bit of a pain, but they've managed to rework it a bit, so it highlights the "disowned" and excluded members and has a majority of the blood-purists replaced with far more worthy members of the family they've created for themselves, or simply burned off instead.

Tonks shrugs their denim jacket off as Bill agrees. He looks the most tired out of them all, aside from Remus. He's not a full werewolf, but the full moon being only days away still seems to affect him almost exactly the same as it does for Remus, who becomes irritable and drained.

"They seem to think, he was "resurrected" to power once before, they can make it happen again," Bill says, shaking his head as he gingerly pulls his sleeve back to inspect the large patch of blood soaking through from a relatively deep cut; the work of a nasty jinx. "Too scared to desert after last time, in case he pops back up again and they land themselves on his bad side."

"They are idiotic," Fleur fumes. Her blouse has been severly singed around the collar and Tonks can't help but worry at a glimpse of blistering skin beneath it.

"Did you manage to get all of them?" Harry asks. "Anyone get away?"

Tonks had barely noticed he was there at all. He was just quietly watching in concern from a chair in the far right corner of the room, with Hermione in the one beside him next to the fire and Ron and Ginny between them, planted cross-legged on the floor. They seem like they were trying to keep Mrs Weasley distracted while the rest of them were out; now that Mr Weasley is back, her attention is fully captured, worrying over the cuts lining his face but with subtle relief shining in her eyes.

"Nearly," Sirius answers, with an undertone of bitterness as he adds, "One disapparated before we could get the bastard. Right after leaving me with this lovely little gift."

He grabs the collar of his shirt that's just as torn and burned and stained with blood as the rest of theirs, and yanks it down at the left to reveal a deep, long gash running right across his collarbone, stopping somewhere down his chest. It's not bleeding, but smoking. And it’s dark green rather than red.

There's an outburst of disgusted noises as well as gasps and a couple of cries.

"You git!" Tonks chides him, slapping his good arm lightly. "You never said they got you!”

"I didn't—you're—“ Sirius tries to say, sounding indignant, but he can't seem to find a good comeback.

Mrs Weasley's attention is immediately focused on him, pushing him towards the door into the kitchen before anyone can ask any further questions so that she can fix it up, something apparently too gruesome for any of them to bear witness.

"We'll catch him, don't worry," Bill says. The statement and the gentle smile seem to be aimed towards the kids. Having been advised to stay out of Order missions for the time being, to readjust and make up for their missed exams, they still look anxious, like they're going to be called up to fight at any moment.

But they seem to take some comfort in Bill's words. Everyone does; reassurances don't seem so false anymore now that missions like these are less common and haven't resulted in a fatal injury or even death since the Battle.

As the others fill Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny in on what happened, able to joke a little more now that they're here and winding down from the fight, Tonks catches Fleur trying to assess the damage beneath her shirt as discreetly as possible.

Tonks moves over to her, gently catching her elbow and motioning her head to the door that Mrs Weasley and Sirius left through. They both leave the others in the room to head out into the hallway, where there is thankfully no longer the constant risk of setting off Walburga's shrieking portrait; took a while to find the right spells to remove it, but they managed in the end.

"Are you okay?'" Tonks asks, referencing the wound. "I didn't realize they'd got you. What did they hit you with?"

"I'm not sure," Fleur admits, but she's able to pull the corner of her shirt down better to get a proper look now that she's away from the rest of the Order. She winces, peeling the fabric from the wound, which sticks to it.

It comes away enough to reveal a marred patch of skin below her collarbone and spreading down far enough that it seems to have knocked the spell she usually has on right off.

"I thought something didn't feel right," Fleur says, and winces again when she lightly presses her fingers an inch from the area to test it.

Tonks grimaces in sympathy and only just manages to keep their hands away, having been instinctively going to reach out and offer some form of comfort that would probably only result in making it worse.

“Looks like a simple jinx,” says Tonks, “maybe even just a hastily fired Incendio. Seen a few people panic in duels before, just fire off the first thing that comes to mind. Luckily, it must have bounced off the spell already on you, else could it have been a lot worse than just burning your shirt and, well, this.”

Fleur agrees. “I am beginning to think I need a more permanent solution that that spell, though. It’s not exactly the most reliable, and, truthfully, I’ve never exactly been the best at Transfiguration.”

Tonks grins, pulling out their wand. “Ah, well, it’s not an essential subject.”

“Says the one who can change everything about their appearance at will,” Fleur retorts, but there’s a flicker of a smile on her face.

“True,” Tonks says, as Fleur carefully peels back a little more of her shirt. “But the mediwizards at St. Mungo’s do a pretty good job, too. I have a friend there, particularly skilled in more permanent solutions for trans wizards and witches, like I mentioned, if you wanted to give that another thought? Right, this counter spell.”

Fleur gives another grimace as Tonks points their wand a couple of inches from the wound. She steels herself though, pressing her lips into a line.

With the, thankfully right, incantation and wave of their wand, a small cloud of pale yellow settles over the burned skin. It clings around it for a moment long enough for Fleur to hiss slightly, then it sinks in and a new layer of skin forms over the top until it’s smooth.

Fleur lightly touches her skin, testing for any sign of pain. None seems to come. Her expression settles as she sighs, then a smile is back on her face.

“Thank you,” she says, lifting her eyes to Tonks.

“‘Course,” Tonks says, grin widening with a wink. “I’m your assigned Order partner, remember? I should have been covering you in the first place, especially as I’m also you’re... well, out of Order partner. There has to be a better way to say that.”

Fleur says nothing, just gazing fondly at them, her eyes twinkling. She lays a hand on Tonks’ arm and says, “I can look after myself. But I appreciate this. And the offer. I think I’m ready to take you up on it.”

Tonks smiles and nods. “Okay. Tomorrow, we can stop by, my friend should be in then. You wanna head home the now—“

At that moment, George pops his head around the corner, looks left down the corridor, then right.

“We’re crashing here. More rooms and all that,” George explains. “You two staying as well, or are we getting more coffee and Mum’s breakfast buffet to ourselves?”

Tonks scoffs immediately, then glances at Fleur, who rolls her eyes but nods in a silent confirmation. Turning back to George, Tonks says, “We’ll stay as well. I’m sure Sirius would say the more the merrier, right?”

Fleur makes a little noise, as if disagreeing, and George snorts. But they all make their way back in to join the rest of them, and Sirius and Mrs Weasley return shortly after, though with Sirius looking considerably paler and prodding at the now thin line standing out on his chest every few seconds then wincing. He doesn’t, in fact, mind some of them staying.

They remain in the living room for another hour or so, until the exhaustion kicks back in (or more accurately, when Ginny falls asleep and accidentally kicks an also sleeping Fred in the shin). Then they slowly split off to claim a guest room or head home. Tonks and Fleur takes the room reserved for Tonks’ visits, and are out cold within ten minutes.