#and also. it's odd to me when the common western value is to shun religion even on those cosmopolitan internet spaces.

[lonestardust]

can't stop thinking now of rafael during season 3 commenting on carlos wearing his cross saying "to get through the life that he's had, carlos needs to surrender to something, to somebody, he needs to surrender all of this need for control in order to survive.." and the way carlos put his palm on his chest while saying how much his faith brings him comfort and keeps him accountable and kind. that acknowledgment to his connection to his God and what keeps his inner self in check being brought up during a pinnacle where he'd need to locate that faith inside himself more often in order to not get lost.

and how this tracks with his Latino background!! because to carlos that's part of his integrity and compass, how it ties with those parts of his brown essence that has a native bond with a higher power. and how finding and losing TK and their life together was the crux for Carlos to wear the cross so consistently prominently. it's important for him to have this power that holds him from within when life and his need for control stretches him beyond the limits he knows.

and i can't stop thinking of how after coming out carlos didn't think of abandoning his family for good or even walk away, this simply doesn't make sense to his worldview or upbringing that tells him to be loyal and sometimes to a fault, and so he sacrificed himself instead, shutting it off, putting up all those walls and his faith was one of those things that was left out from the things that belonged to him. until he met TK and lost him and then almost lost him forever, then fast forward to all of these years between this and andrea at the hospital praying with her rosary bead next to Carlos and his vows, and being proud of standing tall before God without the fear of being himself, to him losing his dad to murder. and he's sitting there now in an investigation room reminding somebody else of what holds true to him.