#and also running from one doctor's appointment to another because I'm disabled and my mother would like to protect her investment (me)

[oxbowreality]

I fucking hate buying things. I love window-shopping but I hate making purchases. Unfortunately, my underwear is literally falling apart and there's no way in hell I can keep avoiding taking care of that. Well I can but it'd leave me with no underwear that I like to wear and it'd be a whole thing (sensory hell).

[michaelmyersofficial]

21/06/2024 Friday Morning

It probably won't be morning anymore by the time I finish typing this out and post but. . . It was when I started. Got rejected for disability again. I managed to get in contact with a lawyer who is going to help, though I am a little afraid of fees. I know if we win, they get paid through my disability back pay, but I don't really understand what happens if we don't. Still, this is probably my best chance. I'm filling out the paperwork for this currently, so we'll see where it goes from there. I need to make copies of my rejection letter as well. I also need to make a doctor's appointment. I'll try to do that today. I realise also that I never wrote about getting a boyfriend, because I feel like when I talk about romantic relationships I get judged for them. But I made a mistake and fell asleep during an important conversation last night. I know it wasn't my fault but it was still important, and I still upset him. I am so guilt ridden over it because I just wanted him to know how grateful I am that he is in my life. I think about it a lot, how I'm not worth his affection. He says that's not true but. . . I still believe it myself. This has just been another thing that makes me feel like I'm a shit boyfriend. Like I can't or don't do enough.

Honestly, thinking about talking about people in my life I should probably use an emoji key but it would have to be unicode emoji, since I type these up on pc. I went to the pride event in the city with Kaitlyn. She's very kind and sweet, but largely I don't think we have much in common. Still, she liked the band, so I'm glad for that. She also said that I could go to one of the pubs in town with her and her friend Ethan and he could teach me to play pool when he's back in town. So I do think that would be nice, but as I said I don't know if I really have anything in common with her. Mother also took me to the city for a several hour costco bonanza. I don't mean to say that was unenjoyable because I don't hate costco. I also managed to convince her to buy me some books from the bookshop. To be fair I have enough of a tbr that I probably don't need them, but I like being organised about it well in advance. I also missed my hair cut appointment, or rather I had to cancel because for the past week I have been sick out of my mind. I even went to the local hospital about it. I had a fever of 103F / 39C / 312K. I was very convinced I was dying. Unfortunately the local hospital is run by nuns so they just told me to go home and pray as there is nothing they can do. Horrific medical treatment tbh. The thing is I'm not opposed to things like natural treatments or prayer (though I don't pray personally, I do meditate) because natural treatments often have some basis and things like prayer usually help a person's mood which can improve their chances of healing, but I don't think these are cure all solutions and I don't think they do anything for a 103F fever.

I have to reschedule the hair appointment but I'll probably call on that on monday rather than today because it's not relevant to my legal paperwork. I also signed up for the fable reading tracking app. I talked to my cousin about books, but she seemed upset that I didn't share her opinions on the ones I'd read. I'll talk about that more in the reading update post, of course but my reading goals have not gone as planned this month.