#and also i'm already hyper aware of the fact that my body has changed. i don't need you to keep drawing attention to it

[the-casbah-way]

even though i really love what hrt is doing to me it has made me so self conscious because i know my body is changing more visibly now and i don't like the idea that people who know me very well will be able to see that. i just hate the idea of people looking at me. and i worry that the people i care about will like me less the more they look at me because i'm ugly

[foggyfanfic]

Encanto Headcanons Nobody Asked For

Hello! I am putting off writing my last essay of the semester, so here are some headcanons!

The thing where the kids touch the candle and promise to help Encanto however they can started as Alma's way to reassure nervous villagers that the Madrigals wouldn't misuse their gifts.

When Alma first got her door and saw an old woman on it, she was super confused, but also too tired from the day's events to question it too much. When she eventually looks the same as her picture on the door she has a small mid-life crisis that she reveals to nobody.

Same for each of the triplets.

People do actually break into song in universe, it is a side effect of all the magic in Encanto. The first time it happened was about seven months in and everybody freaked out about it for months.

Alma eventually gets used to the singing thing and never thinks to mention it isn't normal to her kids or grandkids. In fact, most people in Encanto take the singing for granted, so when the mountains open up and they get a few new villagers nobody bothers to warn them that the village will regularly break into song.

I know the creators said the village is completely self sufficient, but like... where's the quarry for all the stone? Where are they making glass, that requires a specific kind of sand, do they have that sand? How are they getting new books? Nah bro, the village has three merchants who journey past the mountains twice a year.

I know the generally accepted headcanon is that Agustin was born outside of the Encanto, but I think his parents were city dwellers visiting family when the village got raided. They escaped with their hosts and planned to take their family back to the city with them, then ended up in a magic paradise instead.

In the same vein, Agustin's dad was a banker and has become the town's unofficial treasurer since that's about the only way he can contribute with his skill set.

Agustin's mother passed in childbirth, his father eventually remarried, but only after a few years of grieving. Agustin has three much younger half siblings.

Bubba comes to Encanto and does indeed get with Isabela, but I mean... some AMAB dude who surrounds himself with the trappings of masculinity and had zero problem seeing through Isabella's hyper feminine facade? Trans woman Bubba. All I'm saying. (Transphobes dni, neither of us will change the other's mind).

The art book had something about Isabela looking more indigenous than her sisters, so we know the family has indigenous roots. I wasn't able to find a lot about queer history in Colombia, but I did see that two native men were murdered by colonizers for being gay out in the open. That kinda implies that homophobia comes from the colonialist side of modern Colombia. I choose to believe that Alma has a great aunt on the native side of her family who is married to a woman. She grew up hearing that they have to keep the marriage secret to protect her aunts, so when she notices Bruno has a boyfriend, she starts planning a secret wedding without mentioning anything to Bruno.

Bruno doesn't realize his mama knows he's not straight, he thinks he's hidden it very well. When Isabela and Bubba nervously come out at dinner and Alma asks Bruno if he has any advice about being queer, Bruno inhales what he's eating and needs the Heimlich.

I agree in general with queer Madrigal headcanons, but I'm also aware that we're dealing with an isolated community a couple decades before the lgbt rights movement really kicked off in Colombia. I suspect most of the characters wouldn't use any of the labels we use today, and in fact, characters like Mirabel wouldn't stop to consider they're not straight until they've already been happily married for two decades.

That said, I think Mirabel is what we consider to be bi with a heavy preference for men. Her husband is quiet and doesn't have a single creative bone in his body, but thinks everything she sews deserves to be put in a museum. They bond because he commissions her to make something for his mother.

Luisa gets a tiny little husband who falls to pieces when she flexes. He does not understand people who say she is too masculine, or call Isabela the pretty one.

Camilo's youngest son is autistic, not that any of them know that's what the kid's deal is. Camilo just thinks his son is hilariously blunt and really into bugs. He doesn't really get how the kid can spend hours looking at an ant hill without getting bored, but whatever, he'll just buy the kid an ant farm for his birthday.

When women marry into the Madrigal family that don't have anybody to walk them down the aisle, they ask Tio Bruno to do it. It started with Camilo's wife, whose father is abusive, and became a tradition as the family grew.

When Mirabel becomes a grandmother the family starts calling her Mirabuela. Similarly, Antonio eventually becomes Tio Nio, to the point that some people forget he has a first name.

I actually have a lot of headcanons about the future of the Madrigal family but this is getting long, so I'm going to stop. I've ended up mentally writing whole ass fics for Camilo's wife and his youngest granddaughter, as well as for Mirabel's daughter, and Dolores' great grandson, so if I get into all of that this thing is going to triple in length.

[louis-damien]

Here is a list of unexpected things that have happened to me in my transition.

I am one year on testosterone and my current dosage for the past 1.5 months has been 0.35 mL injected intramuscularly, for reference.

Some of these are good, some bad, some neutral but odd. None of these would ever make me rethink my transition, but I would have liked to know before hand.

Hair. I knew that I would get hairy, But BY GOD am I hairy. Hair on the back of my thighs, my tummy, my chest, my back. Everywhere.

Speaking of hair- your chest includes your boobs. I have titty hair. Also if you wear boxers briefs and tighter pants they WILL pull the hair on your legs. It sucks up the thigh hair and I get pinched one million times.

SWEAT. I already had hyper hidrosis before T. Now it is INSANE.

So Much Acne. I was aware I would get acne but I personally got it so bad that I have to use a prescription antibiotic cream on my face.

Testosterone causes your metabolism to increase. I am so hungry all the time. Related to this- Red meat no longer hurts my tummy, I just digest it easier now.

Your body needs So Much Protein to build muscle. IDK if my body is just weird but I get. Protein Headaches if I don't have a significant source of protein for breakfast or lunch. Also the cravings for steak are INSANE and it's making it difficult to stay on my low-meat diet.

Muscle is just. Denser and heavier than fat, so I gained weight without actually changing size at all. In the course of the year I've put on 8 or so pounds just in muscle.

Horny.

If you are in choir you can just keep voice training and you won't lose your higher singing voice. In fact, it actually had gotten easier for me to sing higher. I'm an alto 2 and have kept that range while also broadening it. My lowest is somewhere in mid/low tenor and my highest is like soprano 2 range.

Your Bones Move. Testosterone causes your hips to rotate forward and I so far have gained a whole inch from this- I've gone from 5'10" to 5'11"

[sanversinsane]

Waverly’s Birthday (part 1)

“Waaaves.” She could hear a soft voice singing her awake. “Baby, wake up.” The soft voice giggled and then a pair of lips kissed a spot on her neck. She took a deep breath in and a sweet smell invaded her senses. She slowly opened her eyes. Nicole was hovering above her, a tray in her right hand. “Morning beautiful.” She smiled. The sun was shining through the window, landing right on her. The way the beams bounced off of her red hair, creating a halo like glow around her, made her look other worldly. Waverly couldn't help but smile, because wow this woman is hers.

“Good morning.” She grinned as she stretched and then let her hands rest on her girlfriends thighs. “What's that?” She asked, still a bit groggy.

“These….” Nicole lowered the tray so Waverly could see, and smell the contents “are chocolate chip pancakes. Home made whip cream, a side of strawberries, and almond milk.” Waverly sat up and rested her back against the headboard. Nicole placed the tray on her lap and then leaned forward so her lips were inches from Waverly. “Only the best for the birthday girl.”

“You remembered?” Waverly asked. Tears filled her eyes. It broke Nicole's heart because it wasn't a big thing, it wasn't hard to do. It was such a small act, remembering, and yet it was something Waverly never got to enjoy. Well now she would.

“Baby of course I remembered.” Nicole gave her a quick kiss. “Today is all about my little Virgo. Now eat up because we have quite the day ahead of us.”

“Oh yeah?” Waverly smiled as she grabbed the fork. “What are we doing?”

“It's cute that you actually think I'm gonna tell you.” Nicole laughed.

“I knew you wouldn't but I figured I'd try.” Waverly shrugged and stabbed a piece of pancake with her fork. One taste and her eyes were rolling behind her head. “God, babe you made these?”

“From scratch.” Nicole sat up, proud of her work. “You like em’?”

Waverly nodded her head and took another bite. “Es really good.” She smiled with her mouth full of pancake.

“Good.” Nicole laughed as she watch Waverly scarf down the rest of the pancake in record time. A few bites of the strawberries and whip cream and Waverly was nearly pushing the tray aside.

“Thank you. That was delicious Nicole.” Waverly smiled. “So what's next on today's plan?”

“Well, first this.” Nicole leaned in again, this time with no tray between them, and kissed Waverly. She let her tongue taste the sweetness of the strawberries and syrup. Her lips traveled down quickly until they were by Waverly's pelvis.

“Is this one of my presents?” Waverly giggled as laid back and she made herself more comfortable. Nicole shifted with her.

“One of many, yes.” Nicole's grinned up at her. “But this is more like a present to both of us.”

The next thing Waverly knew her mouth gaped open with a gasp. Nicole wasn't wasting anytime, they had things to do that day, but starting with this just seemed….right. Nicole couldn't help but smile as Waverly moaned and placed her hands in Nicole's hair. It was so easy to get her going. After a moment Nicole gathered herself and focused. She sucked, and licked, she used fingers, and tongue. She gave Waverly everything.

And Waverly felt EVERYTHING. It was like her body was hyper aware of every movement. Her laser focus was on the way Nicole was making her feel….which was nothing short of incredible. She tried to hold it together longer than normal. With Nicole, she quickly found that she was an easy orgasm, which surprised her because...well with Champ she had maybe one their entire relationship. With Nicole...with Nicole things were much faster, and louder, and so much more intense. Waverly let her eyes open and she glanced down at the red head between her legs, just the sight itself made her moan. “Oh god.” Nicole's looked up at her and smiled. “Nic….ah. I'm….close.” Nicole nodded, smiled, and continued her work. Seconds later Waverly's back was arching off the bed, her toes were curling, and she was pretty sure she was seeing God. She slowly came back to life, her body feel loose and limp. She opened her eyes as she felt Nicole kissing a path back up her body. “Shit that was fantastic.” She said breathlessly.

“Happy birthday.” Nicole smiled and kissed her lips. “Now you go shower. I'm gonna change and clean up the kitchen. Then we have to go.” Nicole lifted herself off of Waverly and out of bed. Waverly needed a minute to let her body gain feeling again.

An hour later both women were heading out of the house, coffee in hand. Nicole still refused to tell Waverly where they were going, and Waverly still continued to try to get it out of her; not even because she wanted to know at this point, more of because it was just fun. Nicole drove them just outside of Purgatory and turned down a dirt road. Waverly looked around for clues, and signs but she was also to distracted by how in love she was with the woman in the driver's seat. Waverly had found herself in one of her dazed hazes, just staring at Nicole like she was the world, when the car stopped. She snapped out of it and looked around to find a small airport. It only had a few planes, a small runway, and a large half open building that had a lot of...gear?

Nicole smiled “Figure it out yet?”

“Are we…..” Waverly looked around and saw people putting on big bodysuits, and hopping into small planes.

“Jumping out of a plane at 15,000 feet? Yeah.” Nicole responded.

“We’re skydiving?! Today?! Right now?!” Waverly's voice got higher and louder with every question. Nicole's laughed and nodded frantically. “Oh my god!”

“You said you've always wanted to do things that scare you, and you've already done me so….” Nicole gave her a look and they laughed together. “You ready Earp?”

“Hell yeah! Let's go!” Waverly nearly broke the door on Nicole's car she swung it open so fast.

They greeted the instructors, signed some papers, and immediately started getting their gear on. Nicole shimmied the body suit on and zipped it up all the way. “How do I look?” She joked.

“Sexy as hell.” Waverly laughed as she zippered hers too.

They took pictures and chatted with the instructions that would be strapped to their backs. The closer it got to their time the more Nicole's nerves started to sink in.

Nicole hates heights. Is terrified of them actually. The fact that she'd gotten that far in general surprised her. Waverly noticed by how quiet she had suddenly become, she knew that Nicole was starting to panic. “Nic, you sure you want to do this? I know you hate heights. We don-”

“No I'm doing this.” She took a deep breath. “We're doing this. I can't let you do it alone.”

Waverly smiled and nodded. “That's my girl. So brave and strong.” She placed her hand on her cheek and leaned in for a kiss. “You have no idea how excited I am for this. You're amazing.” Hearing about how excited Waverly was, and how much she knew Nicole was fighting to be brave, actually gave Nicole strength.

The plane arrived and Nicole closed her eyes as they got in. By the time she opened them they were taking off. Waverly was sitting across from her, her hand gripping tightly to Nicole's. “You got this babe! You got this!” Waverly yelled over the loud sound of the plane and the wind. Nicole nodded.

“So who's first?” The man strapped to Waverly’s back asked. Nicole and Waverly looked at each other. Nicole nodded towards Waverly.

“We are!” Waverly responded.

“Great. We’re approaching 10,000 feet, we typically jump at 13,000. So we need to move to the edge here.” They moved together to sit at the door of the plane. It opened and they brought their feet to the edge.

“Oh my god!” Waverly scream but laughed with excitement. Nicole was moments away from vomiting.

“You ready?” The instructor asked.

Waverly turned her head and looked back at a Nicole. “Nicole I love you. I'll see you at the bottom, okay babe?”

“Okay.” Nicole gulped. “I love you.”

“Okay! READY!” Waverly yelled. And with a countdown of 3, 2, 1. They were gone.

Nicole felt her stomach drop. “Holy shit.” Suddenly she was alone with a man strapped to her back.

“You ready to move?” She heard him ask.

She hesitantly nodded her head and the next thing she knew her legs were dangling out of a plane. “Holy shit.” She repeated.

“Ready?” The guy asked.

“Not yet!” She answered quickly.

“Just, deep breaths. Close your eyes, and picture your favorite place in the world.”

Nicole took a deep breath. She closed her eyes. And pictured her favorite place in the world, Waverly. Anywhere Waverly is is her favorite place. And right now Waverly was probably on the ground.

“Okay. I'm ready.” She heard herself say. The instructor did the countdown, and then she was falling. Flying really, through the air. Everything felt surreal, like it was moving in slow motion. She was terrified and thrilled at the same time. She actually kind of enjoyed it. The parachute was released and she let out a sigh of relief. They floated toward the ground where Waverly was standing, waiting for her. Nicole felt the smile grow on her face when she spotted Waverly jumping up and down.

“Legs up!” The instructor said and within seconds Nicole was back on the ground. Waverly full on sprinted to where they landed, making sure she was the first person Nicole saw when she stood.

“BABY, YOU DID IT!” Nicole yelled as she pulled Nicole up.

“Oh my god that was amazing!” Nicole yelled back pulling Waverly into her arms and lifting her off the ground.

“That was insane! I loved it! Did you love it?!” Waverly bounced around like an excited child.

Nicole made a face and smiled. “I kinda did!”

They laughed, and smiled, and hugged. After thanking the instructors and going their suits back, they walked back to the car.

“Oh my god.” Nicole said when she sat down.

“Babe...your hair!” Waverly laughed.

Nicole glance over at Waverly “My hair?! Look at yours!”

They laughed and then Waverly leaned over for a kiss. “Honey, this has been the best birthday of my life.” She placed her hand on her cheek and kissed her again. “Thank you.”

“I wanted it to be special.” Nicole smiled. “And it's not over.”

“It's not?” Waverly couldn't help but grin. She was never one for wanting all the attention, but today it felt pretty good.

“Nope.” Nicole turned on the car and they drove to a new spot.

They pulled up to a lake not far from where they had gone skydiving. Waverly smiled as they pulled into the parking lot. “Oh I love this place!” She cooed. “Ya know, my dad use to bring us here for picnics and we’d use the crust of our sandwiches to feed the ducks.”

“I remember.” Nicole parked the car and smiled at Waverly. “We drove past this place on our second date and you told me about it.”

“You remembered that?” Waverly felt the tears prick her eyes.

Nicole just smiled. Again, remembering things when it came to Waverly wasn't hard. “Come on.” Nicole pulled the handle of her door. “Let's eat lunch.”

Nicole handed Waverly the blanket while she carried the basket of food. They place everything under a tree and sat down. Nicole began pulling the items out of the basket one by one. “Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, crust cut off and put to the side for the ducks. Grapes. Celery sticks. And….sweet and sour soup with a dollop of peanut butter.”

“Nicole….” Waverly stared in awe at the spread in front of her. “You didn't have to...this is too much.”

“I did have to.” Nicole provided a soft smile and a hand on Waverly's cheek. “And truthfully baby, it's not enough. You deserve this, and so much more, especially after everything you've gone through this year.”

“But Nicole this…” a tear fell down Waverly’s cheek. “This is so special. It's not just anything, ya know? It shows that you're listening and you care.”

“Waves,” Nicole smiled and stroked a tear away from Waverly's cheek with her thumb “Listening and caring is the least I could do.” She leaned in and meant to give her a small kiss, but with the love both women were feeling, it was anything but small. It quickly turned passionate, and hot, with hands in already messy hair and tongues intertwining.

Waverly pulled away first, just to say “I love you”. Nicole laughed and echoed Waverly’s words.

After lunch Waverly rested her head on Nicole's shoulder and let herself enjoy the moment. It wasn't hot out, but it definitely wasn't cold either, it was the perfect weather for the jeans and sweater she was wearing. The leaves on the trees were beginning to change colors, each of them full of vibrant yellows, reds, and oranges, making the forest beyond the lake look like fire. And the redhead sitting beside her was soothingly scratching the back of her head.

Their comfortable silence was broken by the sound of laughter. Both girls looked over to see a mom helping her little girl out of the car. The little girl ran towards the grass, and began picking the little yellow flowers that littered the ground. A little boy, smaller in size and younger in age, wobbled behind her trying his best to follow in his sister's footsteps. Both women found themselves watching the kids run, and laugh, and play, with smiles on their faces.

Nicole was quiet for another moment. Her eyes shifted from the kids playing, to the girl in her arms. “Do you ever...want your own?” Nicole asked.

Waverly looked up at her “kids?” She asked. Nicole nodded. “Of course. I want a bunch.” Waverly smiled back at the little boy as he ran past them after a frisbee his mom threw. “What about you?”

“I….” Nicole swallowed and looked back at Waverly. “I don't know. I do, but I've never been very…..maternal I guess you could say.” She shrugged.

“Yeah well neither is Wynonna but that doesn't mean she's not going to be a great mom.” Waverly laid down and rested her head on Nicole's lap, looking up at her.

“That's true.” Nicole shrugged. “But Wynonna is different, she can do anything.” Waverly could see the change in Nicole's face. She sat up.

“Hey,” Waverly said placing her hand on her girlfriend's cheek. “You’re going to be an amazing mom.” Waverly smiled. “You care so much Nicole, about everyone. And you are so intuitive. You may not be great with babies, and that okay, you'll be the mom that gets our kids through their teen years. You'll be the mom that knows exactly what to say, and when to say it. You'll be the mom that's going to throw the best birthday parities...because you'll know exactly what they want and what they love, because you listen.” Nicole felt herself nearly stop breathing when the words “our kids” so casually slipped out of Waverly mouth. Kids, with Waverly, suddenly sounded….magical. She never thought she'd be the “mothering” type but the more Waverly talked about it the more Nicole could picture it, with her. “You're going to be the best mom Nic, I….I can't wait to see it.”

“Waverly…” Nicole felt the tears fill up in her eyes. She rested her forehead against Waverly’s and smiled. “I want that all with you.”

“I want that only with you.” Waverly replied before kissing the love of her life.

After a small make out session they pulled away blushing. Nicole and Waverly took the crust of the bread and tossed it to the ducks.

“Where are we going now?” Waverly asked when they got back in the car.

“Home.” Nicole smiled. “We have to get ready.”

“Oh ready for what?” Waverly smirked.

“Ready for tonight.” Nicole laughed.

“You're really annoying, you know that.” Waverly giggled and Nicole laughed.