#and also he's the king of deluluing himself into thinkings he's not important to people

[nyc-pizza-rat]

okay thinking about her

the tree bark at his back scratches him as he shifts. there are bruises on his skin that sting. he feels the slide of blood at his temple, unsettling and unfamiliar, even after all these years. castiel looks down at his hands, a little calloused, now, and wrinkling, and tries to center himself. there is dirt on his palms, under his fingernails. a small cut on his index finger that is loud and sharp. he curls his fists and tries to reach within himself. the well of his grace has been running low for a while, now, and castiel hasn't been sure of...well, anything.

it's harder to find his dimming grace within, here in purgatory. harder still to coax it to the surface. sweat beads at his brow but castiel keeps his fingers clenched, mumbles to himself in enochian — words to songs of praise and comfort and strength that mean so little now, and yet come to him easy.

there is a thin stream of silver light, and castiel heaves a breath, sinks further into the hollow of the tree. he unclenches his fist, and there are red half-moons carved into his palm. the cut is gone, but there is a scar, still, and castiel cannot stop looking at it. it looks like a thin tear in fabric, like the cracks in between the worlds that let them through. it looks like the beginning of the end.

he rubs his thumb over the scar, feels the slight raise of his skin. his thoughts begin to spin, and all he can focus on is the heat building at the back of his neck, the rushing of blood in his ears. suddenly, then, a ripple within. a breeze by his ear that pull at his core. that compels him to quiet, to listen.

someone, somewhere, is invoking him in prayer.

his grace surges now, easy as it hasn't been in a while, and while it doesn't heal him still, castiel feels more angel than he has in a long time.

Cas, I hope you can hear me... that wherever you are, it's not too late.

castiel sighs, something inside him relaxing. he hadn't even noticed the way his muscles had been pulled taut. hadn't noticed the tendrils of fear creeping into his heart. dean's alive. dean's alive.

I should've stopped you.

castiel swallows. digs his fingers into his thighs. his grace spins out, trying to find the source of the prayer. It's harder than it is on earth, and harder than it should be for an angel of his caliber, but castiel keeps trying.

You're my best friend, but I just let you go. 'Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong.

castiel wishes dean would stop saying these things. he bites his cheek, listening, following dean's voice. he's always following dean's voice, even when he doesn't want to.

I – Ohh. I don't know why I get so angry. I just know – I know that it's – i-it's just always been there. And when things go bad, it just – it comes out. And I can't -- I can't stop it. No matter how –

dean breaks, and castiel pauses, stares at the blinking doorway that will lead them back onto earth. back into a battle that they are bound to lose. he thinks about jack, lost forever. about chuck, who cannot be beaten. about the pointlessness of what they are doing, the desperation with which he has been clinging to hope.

— how bad I want to, I just can't stop it.

he wishes he could see dean. there is something solid pressing against the back of his throat, like he has swallowed a rock, like it is blocking the air. his eyes sting. he wishes dean would just — just talk to him.

And — And I — I forgive you. Of course I forgive you.

castiel shakes his head. his wings are more bone than anything else, skeletons he lugs around because he cannot bear to sever them from his trueform. now they twitch, twined with his grace as they are. castiel lets them curl inwards, pretends he can feel them whole, their warmth, the comfort of it.

I'm sorry it took me so long – I'm sorry it took me till now to say it. Cas, I'm – I'm so sorry.

castiel forgives him, despite everything. thinks he'd forgiven him long before this, before dean ever thought to ask. he wonders if dean knows that castiel doesn't know how to loathe him, even if he wanted to.

longing surges out to him, the pull of the prayer strengthened by cords of need, of want.

dean thinks he's dead, and he's desperate for him to not be. castiel knows what dean can be like, when he loses those he considers kin, when he's even faced with the prospect of losing them.

Man, I hope you can hear me. I hope you can hear me.

longing can feel a lot like love.

angels were never meant to decipher the nuances of human emotion, and despite all the time he's spent on earth, even castiel is not all that good at it. so when prayer is made with longing, it can feel a lot like love.

and maybe it is. castiel doesn't know.

it's almost unsettling, the way warmth bleeds into his trueform, as dean finishes praying, as he makes his way closer. castiel tries to reign in his weak grace, pulsing away under his skin. tries to not let himself get carried away.

he looks up at the grey sky, the sunless world he is trapped in. he thinks about the empty. he thinks about his son.

maybe it isn't. human love is so complicated, after all.

somewhere to his right, footsteps. castiel breathes, wills his lungs to loosen, his heart to slow. he pulls the leviathan blossom out of his coat pocket. all that fighting and the fidgeting has smushed it a little. he rubs a thumb over one of its strange petals, and puts it back in his coat.

dean is getting closer. castiel can hear him breathing now. can hear the way his heart races.

he gathers himself and pushes out of the hollow of the tree. straightens a little.

"dean," he calls. he sounds tired, even to his own ears. human. god. "you made it."

[yumeurl]

i've seen discussions about purebloods/halfbloods/muggleborns and what constitutes as one, altho reading through the books it's all so clear to me: it's all just BS

this'll be half serious and half delulu as usual but there's always curiosity on how voldemort managed to have the pureblood's support, and that maybe the DEs just don't know his background. but i tend to disagree. something as tightknit as pureblood circles makes it impossible for voldemort to not be known, not when he's been using the voldemort name since hogwarts years. it would've spread to the families

but pureblood circles tend to "accept" you if you're a halfblood and act like them. this is most seen with how snape acts and speaks in comparison to his childhood years, where the wannabe DEs in slytherin accept snape so long as he does the same thing as them, like calling other students mudbloods. and then they just kinda avoid mentioning your blood, though in varying degrees depending on the family

we also know that the malfoys try to marry halfbloods here and there in order to not be like the blacks, who truly try to uphold the blood purity. i will infer that most pureblood families do the same thing as the malfoys, as the blacks are already on the extreme side of the example

The family has, however, eschewed the somewhat dangerous practice of inter-marrying within such a small pool of pure-bloods that they become enfeebled or unstable, unlike a small minority of fanatic families such as the Gaunts and Lestranges, and many a half-blood appears on the Malfoy family tree. (pottermore)

tom, by 5th year, has proven himself to be a halfblood as well as carry himself in the same manner as the purebloods, so he does get accepted(altho i believe that families like malfoy and black were still wary of his origin so voldemort was only able to recruit their children, who are much more impressionable to him)

that's the crux of being a pureblood: it doesn't matter, the established families are the ones who makes up the rules. that's why potters aren't even part of the sacred 28, it's whatever these families consider as purebloods that are purebloods

that's also why the gaunts are basically a laughing stock atp, even though out of all them they're the ones who really followed on keeping their bloodline "pure". that's why weasleys are now called "blood traitors", who some even consider is just as bad as muggleborns. that's why you have people like umbridge trying to integrate herself as a pureblood. it's to display superiority. literal echo chambers jacking each other off and making themselves believe they're important by having the label 'purebloods', while the rest are just halfbloods or muggleborns etc.

questions like "would harry's children be considered halfblood" would always be answered with 'theyre still halfbloods' because it doesn't matter if you have or don't have muggle blood, what matters is how they view you. potters didn't even make the sacred 28 list not because of henry potter, but because nott thought potter is a common muggle surname and that they might be tainted fmekmgmdg

Potter is a common Muggle surname. Harry’s family didn’t make the list, according to J.K. Rowling, because ‘the anonymous compiler of that supposedly definitive list of pure-bloods suspected that they had sprung from what he considered to be tainted blood’. (pottermore)

this is why i don't believe that bellatrix and the other DEs don't know that voldemort's a halfblood, not when voldemort himself is the king of yaps and bellatrix didn't give a reaction to it (hermione did, knowing harry's provoking them) and attacked immediately, complete avoidance of the topic. they know, they just don't think about it

[sunset-bridge]

Can I ask what those monster designs are for? I like them a lot :0

THANK YOU for enabling me guys,,, SNIFFS ur so real all of you real cuervoheads

ANYWAYS. ok honestly i need to iron details A LOT of them but basically, it stemmed from this drawing i did for day one of ake shoe week, i got a beauty and the beast idea so i drew that on the fly. BUT LATER i kept rotating it in my head the concept and like. yea

ME TALKING WAY TOO MUCH UNDER CUT SORRY

so. basic idea is that goro was a normal guy but his dad is a little bastard and cursed him with the mask, transforming him into a beast, presumably so he wouldnt interfere with anything since hes like a . king or an important general or smth so it would be a scandal etc etc. then he sent him to a funny forest and goro is cursed to never be able to take the mask off and also never get out of the forest as long as hes wearing it. anyone else can enter and get out just fine its just goro whos kinda trapped there like a cute lion circling a cage so he goes a bit. bit delulu and also hes of course so mad at everyone

AND sergio ok. i havent quite decided but for now i think hes like. the son of the queen of some sort of flower kingdom but the queen didnt really. want him (T_T). but ok whatever hes here now because people kinda found out she was gonna have a kid so it would be abit sus if . he disappeared. anyways hes like half demon or something yes. so hes obvs not his dad's son (the king) but the queen pretends he is and also everyone believes this BUT sergio knows the truth obvs like. hey why am i half demon huh.,,. ANYWAYS his demon transformation is triggered by strong honest emotions of any kind , so he developed a cute Psychological Mask (pp...pers..on...a) where hes so unauthentic and pretends to be a cute little bumbling but charming idiot macho man etc etc just a bro guy yes thats sergio thats him yup totally cute prince flower guy and absolutely NOthing else.

OK so . i have no idea why but i guess sergio has to go into the forest for some reasonnn and he meets the Beast who is only known to people as The Crow and like. hes like. huh theres something funny about this animal!!! so ofc he comes back to try to catch another glimpse and , he feels, hey, this is no Animal theres something under there. this is a guy i think. this is just his gut but yknow

so now hes determined to know the truth about this beast , honestly just because it sounds interesting and fun to find out and hes so chronically bored this might be like. cool. ofc goro at first is very hostile and rude and Violent but sergio is like. cmooon man cmooon ahahahah. and well later he finds himself Actually Having Fun sometimes when hanging out with sergio NO this is not happening not even true <-- goro thoughts. like he already gave up being a Person because everyone just sees him as a stupid violent animal monster so like. he leaned into it and drove everyone away AND HE LIKES IT THIS WAY nope he doesnt want to be truly loved and needed no way not even happening what the HELL!!

anyways enter a bunch of Stuff here sure i can. try to elaborate more later but ..important bits now

OK SO goros mask curse thing. supposedly it can only be taken off by another person, who loves the wearer honestly and truly yadda yadda fairy tale things whatever. but like. goro has kinda given up on that cuz like. who tf is gonna like him like this. so might as well sink in etc. also he doesnt like himself that much either so that doesnt help

ALSO IMPORTANT he doesnt want anyone to love him out of pity either!!!! GRRA he. he doesnt want this for real. so if anyone tried to like. love him but just out of pity like ooo poor monster guy i will love you and take ur cute mask off. NOPE not that NOPE!!!

BUT he doesnt even tell sergio the conditions anyways . they just proceed to hang out and whatever. onnneee day i guess they have a littttle scuffle and sergio kinda transforms a bit because Feelings and goro is like. WTF.,,.. hey hello ??? and sergio is lik UHM.,,. proceeds to wall up and pretend that didnt happen but this makes goro so mad like. hey wtf u want me to open up but u keep shit like this to yourself? hypocrite loser etc etc

so later they end up fighting like. goro is like. shut the fuck up im tired of you and your stupid idiot faake friendliness just leave me be like damn and sergio is like NO dumbass i do like hanging out with you WILL you listen a bit. anyways sergio transforms again a bit against his will but he cant help it. they fiiiight and then they stop because they are going to Die but sergio finally explains that he was afraid of what people may think of him if they knew he was half demon freakazoid thing and . and. he did think of telling goro maybe but his ego and pride and Fear got the best of him NO WAY no he cant be weak and vulnerable nope. but ..,,, maybe..,

so ofc goro is like. fucking idiot dumbass as if i also wasnt a monster too. eye-to-eye moment of rare vulnerability for both... something about being on the same level and opening up and feeling free with someone etc

anyways they hang out more after this like cute rivals now and they play scuffle sometimes wahoo !! sergio can relax around goro and transform and he feels so Free when hes with him etc.

insert more bits here. ok so goro. hes also afraid of sergio not thinking he was Cool and Awesome and stuff if he did manage to take the mask off.,,, what was he without the mask? he was just a Guy with anger issues and nothing in his heart…! at least like this he could be THE cool beast rival friend yknow. this is all he had going for him ! who is he going to be if he takes it off....

well finally he one day FINALLY tells sergio about the mask and the curse and the conditions and sergio is like. pffft. ok. and asks him to let him take a try . but goro is like. huh. wtf no its not gonna work. but he convinces him, and wow it works ! goro didnt even consider that "love" didnt necesarilly had to refer to romantic love. stupid. but also i dont think he really thought sergio considered him such a close friend/rival/weirdo etc .. THIS IS SO AWESOME thinks goro but only on his head of course.,,, cuz he knows sergio doesnt ever pity him he honestly respects him and sees him as his cool rival this is so cool..,,, waugh

so ! the cute guy behind the crow mask is revealed ! huzzah! sergio is like. what the hell you said you were ugly !!! liar!!! eheheh. gets punched in the ribs immeadiatly

:3 WOW!!! i love the relationship between joker and goro can u tell...! me when the. me when i cant tell you how to see me etc etc me when someone has the same type of brainwave as you etc

i will probably draw a few more things for this au WAHOO

[bonesandthebees]

glass time! after my fun not so lil but pretty short camp!

he warm

the way you deacrube thisngs GOD MY SPELLING SUCKS describe things is so good like the oil line is like idk it tickles my brain

wilbur would be a bad pillow probably you would have to get a good spot probably

gasp we must tell philza minecraft and technoblade.

wilbur is so *eyeballs him aggressively and just waves my hands around*

also like the switch from pythia to wilbur the moment he recalled he didn’t have his blindfold on is like aiwjhrwj

im still super convinced that there is no curse like everything points to the fact that the curse is literally not a thing and more of a scare tactic to keep up the pythias image but yk im tired sleep has not been plentiful

wilbur when he realzies his eyes have emotion and he’s just a silly guy who isbnot just an object 😨

blindfold on back to pythia pew pew pew

tommy is such a silly guy like look at him go telling thsibstory and defending my favorite lil guy wilbur

just saying if death is kristins realm wilbur i think you’re cool as a cucumber king but yk maybe im just mad confused all the time

which is also me most times

do we know what kind of bird is in his chest like metaphorically like idk i keep wondering even though that isn’t important what so ever

“Wilbur didn’t want Tommy to leave, but the Pythia knew he had to face the consequences of his actions at some point” THIS LINE IS SO COOL BECAUSE IT SHOWS THE SEPARATION WILBUR HAS FOR HIMSELF BETWEEN WHO HE WAS AND WHO JE HAS BEEN MADE TO BE LIKE DIRECTLY AND THAT HE LITERALLY HAS THESE TWO SEPARATE PARTS OF HIM AND IDK I THOUGHT IT WAS A NEAT LINE

he is telling him about to the visidosngjeekjdejejrthehtheht im a normal person

and then here is me sitting here with my vague tired rboughts about howb the visions arent to prevent the future bexause goyncant really change what the gods destined to be your fateb(presumably) sorry for the spelling errors life is rough anyway but yeah like the visions are to help prepare and i think he gets visions only about stuff that will directly affect him so like that’s why now that he is in the temple he doesn’t get visions about the palace or the government because that won’t concern him at this moment not how it would before sorry im rambling my brain sometimes just has thoughts

HE CALLED TOMMY HAI EBST FRIEND

hes so i love him like he’s so tiny in my brain just a lil guy whom i wish to put in my pocket

and he’s wilbur when he talks about the things he knows aboutbtommy and just when they do things that show they know each other well that others might not know butbthebpythia at other times and he’s so silly

so that vine tattoo is deffo from wilburs murder attempt right or maybe not sometimes im delulu

hes wilbur again

glad i know what machination means thanks ap lang

WOOO GOVERNMENT TAKE DOWN WOOOOO

i love that he’s just wilbur when he realizes that people care or that he has feelings or when he’s just human because he is and like the more he feels human the more he feels like wilbur and okay no more rambling s

anyways this chapter was nice im glad i finally got to sit down and read it you just always find a way to draw me in with this work like oh my god it’s so rheifjsjejsjdjd okay now i can go read what everyone has been saying!

- 🪿

thank you!! I was so happy with the whole oil metaphor throughout the chapter

ngl handshaking wilbur there I've been told by people that I'm a terrible pillow because I'm so bony.

:) so many pythia to wilbur switches this chapter

😨 <- wilbur's face fr

...actually the kind of bird is important. the bird gets talked about a lot in the next upcoming chapter :)

YEAHHH I'm being very careful with midsentence wilbur/pythia switches because I don't want to overuse them, but in the moments I can I think they hit really well

oooo a theory I can't comment on bc I don't comment on theories ooooo

lol the vine tattoo will be explained eventually

wilbur is when he feels the most human yes!!

thank you i'm so glad you enjoyed!!!