#and also from giann's pov hvJHVJSDF THAT DUDE RLLY DOES SOMETHING TO ME

[actualbird]

Once again I have just woken up and saw a new fic from you and read it and I am going to Scream

God the basement incident. Reading about it in the game felt like getting hit by a ton of bricks and reading your interpretation of the events that led up to it feels worse. I hate how well you conveyed the slowly growing tension and worry as Giann realises Marius is missing and can't find him anywhere. God, the kids who did it were so young too. At most 10 years old and already having nearly killed one of their cousins. I never realised how horrifying the implications were until now.

I really like the ice and cold theme that's present throughout the fic. While Marius was hit with the physical sensation of the coldness of the basement, it manifests in Giann as his mental state. It's such a good way to show how that incident impacted them both and tie Giann's feelings back to that incident in a more tangible way. The chill of that basement never really left him, even though it's been long enough for the seasons to change and to be outwardly warm.

Giann shouldering all of this on his own bevause of how busy his father is...Man

Bringing in Giann and Marius' mom too oh my god the way he feels like he failed her because he failed to protect and take care of Marius in that incident and now needs to make up for it...

That last paragraph hurts so much knowing that Giann is missing now. How must he be feeling, knowing that he once again can't be there for his brother when he needs him?

God this fic hurt so much, I think this might be the most angst I've read from your work since "and I feel my past regrets slipping into present tense". Excellent fic, I love your portrayal of Giann so much and I love the way you wrote about how the basement incident impacted him. Honestly, this might be one of my favourite fics you've written.

🌌

wAAHHH good morning milkyway, thank you for reading "growing pains"!!! for a balanced breakfast, get a healthy heap of....angst.

JHVJSDHVFKHSDF

but gosh thank u so much for this ask, im so glad the pain managed to hit hard since it’s been quite a while since i last stretched my angst writing muscle (and my fic writing muscle in general OTL) so im rlly relieved to be seeing the emotionally devastated comments cuz phew thank god….ive still got it….. ;w;

hashing out the more specific details of how i imagined The Basement Incident was really interesting for me to do! all marius says in canon is along the lines of “a few older kids trapped me there as a prank” and “they were probably tired of seeing how everyone paid attention to me like planets orbiting the sun” and like. how much older is older. it cant be that old, because unthinking jealousy like that is such childish playground bully behavior. they were kids too, not really understanding the consequences of their actions

i actually cut a scene that was in my outline where like, those three kids who trapped marius in there were crying in the commotion once the ambulance came and once the Gravity of what happened set in. i cut it out for pacing reasons and for “giann, in that moment, would not care or notice them at all” reasons.

…..funfact: this is actually the fic where i think i did the most ever cutting of scenes and lines i first put down.

i wanted to be a little bit more restrained in how i wrote this? like, before i sent it to my girlfriend for editing, there were way more lines in the flashbacks further describing the “cold” of the setting and marius’ hypothermia, more paragraphs detailing giann’s experience of guilt, etc. i took em out. not rlly for the express benefit of the fic exactly, but i just wanted to try a “less is more” approach for once to see how it’d feel.

my verdict there is it’s super fun, results in a “muted” kind of reading experience that fit well here. the connections make themselves. it doesnt come to me as naturally as my more ramble internal monolog heavy shtick (i needed to look at my first draft for a whole afternoon just wondering what i wanted to axe JHKJHFSD) but it’s definitely a kind of technique i wanna try practicing more

writing process rambles aside, oh my gosh. “I think this might be the most angst I've read from your work since "and i feel my past regrets slipping into present tense” ” this is high praise to me since that fic is still one that i consider my most miserable piece in this fandom jvkJVJHFVKSDH

thank you so much for the lovely comment, milkyway!!! it’s always such a delight to see your thoughts and im so happy you liked this fic :’D