#and all my problems are going to get worse

[yougavememyopia]

Here's the result from the poll! Sorry, it took long. I lost my progress and had to write it over T-T. Longer than usual to make it up to my lovely peeps. Anyway, here is the confident, popular yandere who becomes a desperate pathetic mess for you.

Popular yandere, who was never alone. Circled with adored gazes and loud chatters, people gathered around him like he was some kind of celebrity. His overstretched smile full of fake glee. Crinkled eyes masking a hollow emptiness. No one would care enough to truly look at him, all too busy talking nineteen to the dozen.

It was so easy to predict them. The mundane topics boring him to death. Nothing exciting ever happened. Gritting his teeth, he endured their ramblings. Endured their dullness. Their stupid problems.

Taps of his pencil slapped the wooden desk rapidly. A practiced, charming grin when he greeted you— his new project partner. The invisible loser at the background whose face he rather recognized.

"Hey there, guess we're partners, huh? What a total unplanned coincidence! Uhh, anyway, you can pick the topic. Nono, please, go ahead. I'll just follow your lead."

His crew strolled passed you in the fields. Always sinked down on the grass with your back against the concrete wall. Blue light reflected on your face, nose buried deep in your phone.

Your lack of a life amused him. Fascinated at how isolated you were, and yet you were beaming. Giggling at your screen while your posture got worse. Not seeming a bit sad about being alone or wasting your time playing on a machine.

Simple enquiring quickly led to obsessive stalking. Justified by stating how he was merely observing you. Interested in your name and your hobbies, what you ate for the day, where you walked when you had no school, how the interior of your home looked like. A bit of curiosity, that was all!

The school project was the key to getting closer to you. Instant refusal to every person coming his way, sweet talking them into grouping together by pointing out their strengths. No objections were made. His judgment very well-trusted. Now you had the idolized annoyance as your group member, exactly like he planned.

FINALLY, he could talk to the nobody persistently invading his mind. The endless thoughts of you giving him heartache. He couldn't get his beauty sleep at night, and when he did, the dreams were all about you. He wasn't normally the type to approach people, not like he had the time to. Every waking moment of his day was stuffed with zealous yet shallow admirers. Everyone loved him. Gawking at his good looks, adoring his style, praising his intelligence.

You didn't even bat an eye.

He was nonexistent to you. Eyes boring into indifference. Frustrated, at how you treated him like he was someone insignificant. People already began to question his strange, out of the blue behaviour. How he stared at the wall without blinking. You were getting the best of him— he couldn't keep his mask on, uncontrollably snapping at people, apologizing as if he was having a bad day. Every day was a bad day. A torturous wait for you to just look his way.

If you didn't notice him anytime soon, he was going to do something crazy.

Thanks to the project, you finally spoke to him. Irritated, sure. But you saw him, a dopey grin on his face when you repeated back his name. Even getting away with patting your shoulder. He greeted you in the hallways the day after, approached you during lunch the next week, and then started to text you like crazy the following month. No idea how clingy he was acting until you pointed it out. Falling more in love with your weirdness and hidden personality.

You acted uncertain towards him. Hesitant that this was a prank. Afraid that you'd become a laughing stock if this progressed any further. So you built a metaphorical wall between you.

Questions after questions overwhelmingly flooded his brain. Your behaviour much different than the way he was used to being treated. Sarcastic remarks and harsh dismissals hurt his poor, sad heart.

He started to crave even the slightest approval from those around him— what did they think of his carefully picked outfit? Or his light makeup and shiny hair? He needed you to drool over him like the rest of the school did, yet you still didn't trust him. Accusing him of being fake, when all he wanted was to befriend you.

"B-but I swear, I genuinely want to be your friend. Please, listen. I can be myself around you. I don't have to be perfect, y'know? I thought you'd understand..."

As you grew more doubtful of his intentions, he became more hopeless. Desperate to change your mind while fighting the insecurity that loomed over him.

You pushed him to completely give in to the urge to follow you home and watch over you from a distance. He'd ask his many connections to keep an idea on you when he couldn't, but since their questions and teasing and judgement would get on his nerves, he settled for a tracking device instead. The digital dot always beeping in the same, familiar spots on the map.

His mind jumbled into a chaotic mess. Your dislike for him beyond his comprehension. All he ever did was be nice, so why did you not give him the time of day? Gifts nor compliments, nothing was good enough for you. He had never did anything like this before. Chase after someone. Love, actually love someone.

For your attention, he was willing to do whatever.He longed to be useful to you. Be at your beck and call at any time like a loyal dog. Everything from your terrible posture to your poor diet to your sleep schedule, he could take care of it. He could take care of you.

In the end, he had no patience, he couldn't stand the wait— he had to ask you out. A spontaneous minute that he wished he could take back. Stutters left his lips while he tried to make the date sound super romantic. Roses, candle lit dinner, moonlight. A perfected plan delivered with anxious jitter. Red face burning hotter than glowing coals and big, round eyes awaited the response.

"Eh... no thanks."

His eyes twitched. You were a loser! A common known label that he hated to use. But how could you turn down the first guy who pursued you? Choosing fictional anime crushes over a live flawless boy pleading for a date. How long were you going to stay in your lonely shell as a kissless virgin?

His determination didn't waver. He was willing to do anything to win you over. Countless attempts turned down due to excuses. Weeks after weeks of him chasing after you. You were driving him insane. Like you were doing this on purpose. "No?!? W-Wha... Why not? You don't want to go outside, you don't want to come to my place, why... Why can't I come to yours? I-I don't care if it's messy or if it s-smells. I actually love it. Um, I just need a chance, please. I need to prove to you that my love is real."

How did he end up being the one begging at your feet? Fingers clenching around your calves, while he looked up with a shameful blush on his face. Embarrassing himself in front of everyone he knew. Their gasps and murmurs ringing through his ears. Humiliation turning his body weak. Hot unwanted tears flooding his vision. He didn't care— he couldn't take the rejection anymore.

"Please believe me, please. It hurts so bad. Ah, I can't breathe. I love you so much. Pleasepleaseplease don't push me away. Don't cast me aside. I want to be with you. I want to be with you..."

He could barely make out your face with the fat tears rolling down his cheeks. His forehead rested on your knee, his head down as if waiting a death sentence. It was getting more awkward the longer he stayed on his knees. Yet he stayed glued to the harsh, cold floor. He'd never felt emotions to this level of intensity before you came. The hurt tightening his chest. A vice grip clamping down to crush his lungs.

Rubbing the back of your neck, you sighed. Feeling bad about the dishevelled flawed mess he turned into. Sweat worked up on your skin from the many eyes staring at the scene.

"You won't stop until I say yes, huh? I guess you proved you were telling the truth. So, fine. Let's get going now... You brought quite the audience here."

"..." His head remained stuck against your knees. Hands shaking against your legs while he exhaled. Not budging at all. The hushed whispers exchanged in the background making your blood boil. "What are you guys staring at? Scram! Go away! Leave him alone."

And they slowly faded one by one. You ran a hand through the soft, silky hair of the needy boy. More attentive to the mess on the floor to care about your surroundings anymore. Sitting on the floor beside him, you lazily wrapped his arms around your neck. A finger pressing his chin up so you could take a good look at him. He sniffed. Eyes all puffy and red. A deprived beg escaping his glossy lips.

"Please... I—"

You cut him off with a small smile. "You can hug me until you're satisfied. I'll be here."

Arms tangled tighter around you. Head tilted in, and you realized what this meant. A hint of anxiety bursted butterflies your stomach. But you went for it. Suppressing the flinch and moving in. Eyes half-lidded when velvety flesh met. Low hum buzzing from him. He pulled you closer and closer. Lips parted while you snaked your tongue into his mouth. A loud moan met your eardrums. Your little theory of him wanting you to take charge confirmed correct.

He melted like butter despite how you barely knew what you were doing. Uneven movements and unsure licks were just met with pathetic whimpers. Each stroke of saliva making him hot and dizzy. You had a way of making him unbelievably sensitive. No clue to why he felt like this was his first real kiss too. Never understanding the fuss about this pleasant feeling until now.

He pulled back for breathe much too soon, and panted against your face. "I'm so glad we found each other, darling. C-can I call you that? Since I'm your b-boyfriend now... Right?"

You didn't answer. He didn't give you a chance to. Another peck was placed on your lips. Desperate tongue reaching to wet your lips while you cupped his face. Hands grabbing your wrists to ensure you keep them there. Determination ran through him; He was going to plead and plead until you finally gave in.

[thejujvtsupost]

It’s Always Been You

🍎F!reader, pet names: (pip/squeak, my girl, sweetheart,) suggestive but not smut, fluff, hurt/comfort, brief miscommunication and lots of groveling but it works out.🍎

Notes: I struggle with editing. This is totally separate from canon bc I’m heartbroken. It’s also my first lads fic, I’ll ALWAYS be a Sylus girlie but Caleb broke my brain for a minute 😭

Caleb joining the DAA wasn’t the problem at hand…No, it was the fact that you were going to be separated. Spending his last night before he leaves wrapped around each other like you always did when things were tough was the best comfort you could get.

“I’m gonna miss you so much, do you really have to go?” This was going to be the longest you’ve ever been apart since you were kids, and even worse, he wasn’t allowed to have his phone.

This wasn’t any easier on him but he couldn’t just back out. “I’ll be home before you know it, don’t worry too much.” Caleb brushed the hair from your eyes and held you closer, “plus, you get to have six months free of my constant nagging.”

That was absolutely the wrong thing to say, the tears you were holding back finally fell. Your hands that were originally wrapped around his waist were now at his chest, between your bodies and fisted tightly in his shirt. “But I love you and your nagging!” You inhaled like you were suffocating. Perhaps you were, under the weight of his impending absence.

“Shh I know, I love you and being a pain in your ass.” That earned him a wet chuckle. “I swear, as soon as I’m home I’ll fulfill my promise and I won’t leave your side. You’ll never have to worry again, about anything.” A soft kiss to your temple solidified his vow.

It took you a few long moments before you were able to get in a proper breath and process what he said. “You made a promise?”

“Don’t remember? Hm that won’t do. Think back to when you were 18, and that boy you had a crush on rejected you and broke your heart.”

“I’d prefer not to remember that, actually.”

“But remember after? When you still hadn’t come home by dinner and I found you alone at the park?” Large hands ran down the length of your back to help soothe you while he spoke.

You’re still lost but it’s coming back to you. Confessing to your crush in the park was supposed to be perfect— except he not only rejected you, but he made fun of you. You could respect rejection, but the way he humiliated you and made a scene wasn’t something you wanted to think about. “That day was awful.”

“You were so upset. I wanted to beat him to a pulp but you didn’t want to be alone. Remember what I told you? The pinky promise we made? It’s only been four years you know, I’d hope your memory isn’t that bad yet.”

The moment flooded you then with a gasp, ‘You’ll never be alone as long as I live sweetheart, and when it’s time, when I finally graduate and become a pilot, I swear I’ll marry you myself to prove it.’ And at the time it made you giggle, because surely he was just joking to cheer you up, right? “You meant it?”

Caleb chuckled and lifted your chin to look at you directly, “of course I did, it’s always been you and me. Don’t you know that?”

A fresh wave of tears formed as you surged forward to meet his lips with yours- and stopped out of embarrassment before you could make contact. “Sorry, I didn’t- I think I’m just being emotional—”

But the space between you closed once again and before you could overthink it, Caleb was kissing you the way he’s wanted to for years. His lips were all consuming and tender. His palm cupped your face like it was glass and you couldn’t resist running your fingers through his hair. Kissing Caleb felt like home, like everything was right.

He tried to break away to bring you both air but you refused to let him, instead pulling him closer and closer until he was on top of you, spreading your legs to accommodate his size. “Slow- slow down, you still need oxygen.” You shook when he started dragging his kisses down your throat, letting out soft moans when gentle sucks were left behind.

“C-Caleb…”

He pulled back and grew tense as if he was afraid he scared you away, “what’s wrong, you tired?” He was trying to give you an out if you wanted it.

You were certain your cheeks were flushed, you shook your head. “I want… more…”

Caleb groaned and buried his face in your neck “you’re killing me, Pip.”

Had you said something wrong? “Sorry- I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable… I’ll just-” you loosened your arms from around him, thinking you somehow embarrassed yourself yet again.

He stopped you. “You’re not going anywhere, sweetheart. You’re killing me because you have no idea how badly I want you; how long I’ve wanted you.”

“Really?” Having someone like Caleb love you was the best feeling, but him being attracted to you left you wanting him even more.

Deciding to just show you, he ground his hips into yours. And god, it felt good against you. Just that little bit of contact felt better than anything you ever achieved on your own. “You’re-” hard went unsaid. He grunted when you spread your legs wider for him. “Yeah, I am. And if you want me, then you have me. But you can’t take it back, so if you’re not ready for that commitment…”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“This really isn’t the time for that—”

“Shut up, it’s important.” He sighed and let you continue. Your arms dropped from his neck to hold his face in your hands, brushing the stray hairs from his face. “That guy I had a crush on? I only liked him so much because he reminded me of you. So I’m yours, too. If you want me, then you can take me.”

Words were lost on him so actions took hold, “are you sure?” His kisses resumed their path after meeting your lips, the room grew hotter with each new brush against your skin.

“I trust you, Caleb,” you had no idea your neck was so sensitive, your gasps talking for you. “but I should let you know I’ve never done this before.”

“I’d kill anyone who ever touched you if you had”

“Isn’t that hypocritical? Should I hunt down your past lovers?” You worked his shirt over his head, the dog tag necklace you gave him mere hours ago dangled in front of your face.

He chuckled and discarded your top, your sleep shorts were next. “It’s funny how you think I’d ever want someone that isn’t you.” His revelation hit you full force: he loves you so deeply, there’s truly no doubt to have. “I’d never do this with anyone else.”

Two things happened that night: your bond was solidified, and unbeknownst to you, a life was created

The goodbye was brutal the next day, already missing him terribly before night fell again.

You managed to fall into a routine, though. You would go to work, occasionally spend time with friends— Tara spent the night with you at least once a week to keep your mind off of things; and the days she didn’t you laid in bed desperately wishing he would be by your side.

Your routine was solid, until a month into your separation when you were sick almost every single day. You were fed up by the time a week passed and the day after that you made your way to visit Zayne- who congratulated you because in his words, ‘he and his wife were expecting as well, perhaps they’ll be friends, too.’ Finding out you were pregnant without Caleb with you was difficult, there wasn’t a way to reach him and share the news.

But you weren’t alone anymore. You spent the time you felt lonely talking to your baby now, who definitely couldn’t hear you yet but that didn’t matter. You were kept company with a perfect blend of you and your Caleb.

According to the official statement released last week Caleb would be home any time today, any minute, any second.

The anticipation left butterflies in your tummy, your baby moving with your nerves. It didn’t occur to you that he might not be happy to be a father, that you might’ve been presumptuous that he’d be ready to care for another life so soon.

And when the door flew open, as much as you wanted to jump into his arms (carefully, of course,) you held your breath and waited for him to notice. And of course, because he was your Caleb, it was right away. His happiness and relief fell away to shock and— was that anger? You didn’t expect anger…

“Welcome home, I—”

“Who else has been here?”

“What? I mean Tara has been keeping me company a few times a week but that’s it.”

“What man has been in our home, pipsqueak.” He didn’t phrase it as a question, just a demand. He’s never been so terse with you…

His tone made you anxious, “No one, other than Zayne and his wife for dinner occasionally— Caleb what are you talking about?”

Caleb dropped his bag on the floor with a thud, still not moving from his spot. “I’m talking about the fact that I came home after six months and you didn’t seem to miss me at all, nothing like the way I missed you. How else would you be pregnant? So who is he? Someone from the Hunters Association?”

Oh… he thought… “Oh my god how could you think- I’d never cheat on you Caleb— EVER how could you even think—”

“Well, I certainly couldn’t have knocked you up in the time I’ve been away.”

A knife cut through you at his words, the accusation, the betrayal of thinking you’d ever be with anyone else. And how vulgar it was… Did your first time mean so little? Was it something he just wanted to get out of the way before he left? A sob escaped you, tears spilled over. “You’re an asshole, Caleb.”

His eyes went wide, “I’m the asshole here?”

“Yes! You’re a fucking asshole! I expected you to be shocked but accusing me of cheating on you? Thinking that night was nothing? That’s low. I can’t believe you!”

“That night means everything to me!”

“Ask me how far along I am! Go on, fucking ask!”

That stopped him short, “you mean?”

“SIX MONTHS!” Standing there while he dropped to his knees was barely satisfying. “God I can’t stand you right now! You must’ve lost your damn mind and all your common sense!”

His silence was angering you further, stomping off to the kitchen for a drink of water and trying to calm down was a better use of your time; crying from this much stress wasn’t good for you.

Once he gathered himself he followed you, “Sweetheart… you’re telling me that night…”

“Finally used your brain, did you?”

“I’m so, god I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” His hand reached out to bring you in for a hug but you denied him.

“Do. Not. Touch me.” His audacity made you seethe. No way were you going to give in so easily no matter how much you desired to be in his embrace and reassured.

“Sweetheart—”

“You’re sleeping on the couch. We can decide what to do later.”

His emotions began to overflow, the guilt crushing him; the ring in his pocket practically burning into his flesh. “Decide what?”

“Decide if I should even let you stay.” Your throat felt tight but you continued to hold your sobs back. “Your dinner is in the oven by the way, it’s your favorite so I suggest you don’t let it burn.”

A few hours rolled around before he couldn’t hold himself back anymore hearing your sniffles. You hadn’t eaten dinner, who knows if you had any water, and no matter how (rightfully) mad you were, you still needed to eat.

Grabbing a few of your favorite snacks with a glass of juice instead of the untouched dinner he put in the fridge was his safest option, unsure if seeing the meal would upset you further.

“Pip squeak? I know you’re awake.” Crouching by your side of the bed and setting the snacks on the nightstand, “please talk to me?”

“Go away.”

“You know I can’t do that, you have to eat something.”

You poked your head from the blanket, “oh so you care now that you know it’s yours?”

The jab was deserved but it still earned a wince. “I’d still care even if they weren’t.”

“How noble of you. Sticking around to raise a kid that’s not yours before I even have a ring.”

“Who said I didn’t have a ring?” This time you accepted the comfort of his hand brushing your hair behind your ear and gently cupping your cheek.

Curiosity was a bitch, but you weren’t ready to forgive him yet. “You were really mean.”

“I know, I’m so sorry, sweetheart. So sorry. I can’t imagine you being with anyone else but I didn’t expect to come home to a family either— and I’m beyond happy to be a dad. It’s not an excuse though, never okay to talk to you like that.”

A few leftover sniffles came before he pulled a tissue from the box on your nightstand, opting to dry your tears himself. “Blow,” He said, holding the tissue to help you blow your nose; then offering you the straw of the juice so you could hydrate.

“I missed you so much, I thought you’d still be happy to see me.”

“I’m over the moon, actually. But I hurt my girl, gotta make things right. Think you can forgive me? I’ll earn it forever.”

“Caleb if you ever, I mean ever, speak to me like that again I won’t hesitate to let you talk to the front door. You’ll be out.”

“I’ll cut my tongue out myself.”

“So dramatic as always.” You rolled your eyes, “you mentioned a ring?”

A smile lifted the corner of his mouth, “there’s my girl. You sure you still want it? Or should I earn it first?” He dug into his pants pocket to show you anyway.

“It wouldn’t hurt your efforts.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle fully before presenting the velvet box to you, “I’m pretty close to the ground but if you sit up for me I’ll get on one knee.”

Sitting up to stretch was good for your back anyway, “I think I’ve waited long enough.”

The velvet box opened and your jaw dropped, “picked it out in Skyhaven. Gideon and I helped the elderly owner of a small shop with some boxes he was struggling with in front of his door. Knew it was perfect right away, gorgeous and one of a kind like you.”

“You’re ridiculous, but I love it.” He slid it on your finger and sealed it with a kiss, and you fell into his arms like you’ve wanted to for the last six months.

Pulling away after many minutes of hugs, ‘I love you’s’ and kisses wasn’t welcomed by you. “Now, how ‘bout some dinner? I don’t think snacks are enough, they were backup. Gotta keep you healthy.”

“Did you like it?”

You were pulled to your feet and carried out of the room. “Didn’t eat without you, sweetheart. Having dinner without you and the baby felt empty.”

“Good. You can reheat it then.” You waited for the perfect moment to drop your bombshell, which happened to be when he was carrying a full glass pitcher of water for the table. “We’re having a daughter, by the way.”

The pitcher fell so fast his evol barely managed to catch it before glass hit the ground. It left you feeling smug.

You couldn’t help but cackle at his shocked spluttering, “A WHAT?”

I’m so flattered, I’ve never had so many people interested or had a taglist this long: @pixelcafe-network @kentochronicles @sashisuslover @lunia-likes-pomegranet @elli4ever @mysssticc @kaemaybae @kamisatoaiko @midiplier @jamseashell @llamabois @boba14 @crimsonspring @angrychinchillanoises @ali-shiii @kazbae95 @ifistoptherain @c-I-stinnett @nephelesthoughts @etherealzi @jjoppees @keithkoganeirl

All divider credits to me @thecutestgrotto

[grinly]

I've been homeless. I used white collar crime to get my way out and theft to survive.

As a country we really need universal healthcare, a jobs guarantee (or universal basic income), and heavy rent control (or public housing) to keep places affordable. If we do that the only reason to be homeless are the kind you should probably be institutionalized for.

People do crimes to survive and not everyone is as completent and vaguely sane as I was - the more desperate people get the worse the crimes they are willing to do.

You can't just try and round up people who would have no trouble staying inside and quiet if they had a hand, that'll lead to more desperate people instead of less, but they do need to be given a way off the street and taken off if they won't go. I would have loved to get the same treatment myself, back in the day.

Homelessness is a problem that is not at all addressed by arrests or roundups that end with the people on the street with the exact same problems. Give a path out and enforce help on the very few remaining people who don't take that path, but once you get to that point absolutely enforce it.

[godmadeaterribleerror]

No More

Main Masterlist

Read on A03!

Tags: Dean Winchester/Female Reader, so much angst, hurt/comfort, small fluff at the end, pre-established relationship, past abusive/toxic relationship, soft Dean

Summary/Warnings: Some scars don't really fade. They just fester and rot, remaining unattended in your body because you can't really remember how to heal them.

And Dean can't fix this for you. But he can give you somewhere safe to fix yourself.

Author's Note: Request from an anon! This one's heavy guys. If you think that past abusive relationships might be a no go for you, make the right choice for yourself <3. If not, enjoy (?) the story.

Word Count: 4k

It had been a good hunt. An objectively good hunt. Done in two days, no bodies to burn or bury, an alright bar in the town, and Sam managing to get his own room because he’s sick of you trying to bang Dean in front of him.

“Hey, don’t blame my girl for how you’re always sticking your ass in our business-“

“We share a room, Dean!” Sam had said, half-throwing his hands in the air. “Where else am I supposed to stick my ass if not in our communal living space-“

Dean had snorted. “Communal living space? Dude, you sound like such a jackass-“

“Why, because I can use big words like space?”

“I- Watch it, Sammy-“

“I’ll watch it if you stop trying to fuck on my bed!”

They’d kept arguing. You’d remained silent, picking at the wood of the table and wondering if—should you actually attempt to—you could sink into Dean’s chest and just stay there for a while. It would be warm and solid, and probably not all that safe—that man got himself stabbed and shot a lot—but safer than being in you. Then your traitorous and useless body, made only to be snapped in half. It must have something written on it or in it, emit some kind of blacklight or stench that said weak. Dumb, weak little bitch, lucky to have this because you don’t deserve it. Couldn’t deserve it.

Better, you could turn to stone, right here in the booth. If you could do that, you’d never get another bruise on your throat or hear venomous words spat in your ear. Sam and Dean could leave you behind and never have to feel any guilt. Dean could stop having to pretend he likes you as more than a body, and pull away without beating himself up about abandoning you like a used and worn couch. 

Moth-eaten and stained, only still in the house because it feels wrong to throw it out. Because you have a little sentimentality for the couch when it was nice, before it had been beaten and abused and reduced to just a lumpen sack of feathers and cloth.

You don’t think that comparison is fair to the couch. 

At least the couch was once useful.

Because it had been a good hunt.

You were the problem.

You’d slipped and wavered and fallen. But the whole place had smelled like lavender soap, and it had carried you back to where that same smell had suffocated you. He had loved that smell, and said it made you seem prettier and softer than you were. 

This whole case had reeked of him. And you’d told yourself you’d be fine. That it was in the past, and he wasn’t supposed to have that kind of control over you anymore. That the world seems gray in that vamp nest, but it was winter, so that was to be expected. And when you’d been knocked flat on your back, you’d seen a crack in the ceiling—identical to the one that had been over his bed—but had been a coincidence. Ceilings cracked, and there were only so many patterns in the world.

And when a Vamp had wrapped its hand around your throat, that was just something that happened to hunters. You all got hurt and beaten and had close calls. That was the job. You’d faced worse than this. You’d faced blood coating your fingers and splattered on your face, guts pooling at your feet and long moments where you’d been sure no one would come and save you.

Dean had always saved you. Even before you’d started doing more—and then more and more and more, until it seemed pretty obvious you were dating and it was more exhausting to fight it than accept it—Dean had always been saving you. He’d had to do it today, yanking the Mare off your chest and cradling your head against his chest until you were breathing easily. 

Yet again, you’d been the problem. The hunt had been easy and simple, and you’d still fucked it because you sucked. You were dead-weight. You couldn’t stop feeling the hand around your throat—imprinted like a tattoo that made your words small and body smaller—and you couldn’t stop the weighed down feeling of hopelessness. Your brain stuck on a scratching loop around the Vamp’s hiss of dumb, annoying, weak little bitch, until you couldn’t manage to smile at anything at all.

It just made you feel worse, because Dean might be worried you don’t think he’s being funny. That whenever he makes truly horrible joke and you don’t giggle like a lovesick schoolgirl, it’s because he’s gone wrong.

He’s done nothing. You really hope he just gives up and tosses you aside, because he shouldn’t have to put up with worry about something so valueless. He’d find someone else. Someone better and more deserving. You’re just lucky he ever even looked at you, let alone bothered to try and stay. To try and be the hero that keeps rescuing the princess, even when the princess is just a peasant who can put on a show.

You’d tricked him into thinking you’re better than you are. Lied to him until you’d trapped him, and now he had to stay with you, because he’s a good man and you’re simply the fucking worst thing in the world to darken his path, and he’ll leave if he really saw you-

That’s not fair to Dean. He is a good man. Better than he was, by miles and stretches and eons, but that really just made it hurt more. Because Dean’s not him, but you’re still you. The same you who was weak, and stupid, and undeserving. That doesn’t change. It only grows now that you have someone you really don’t deserve. Someone who glows in the low light of the night, laughs in a way that fills the bar with life, and always touches you like he’d like to keep you.

You aren’t something that should be kept. But he’s doing it anyway.

And there’s some bile in your throat at the thought. And that’s just another way in which this—in which you—are horrible.

But the worst part was that things like this happened all the time, and you still weren’t strong enough to build an immunity. To just move on, like a big girl. To actually teach yourself that he was in the past, and this you—now, in the present, sitting with your smoking hot boyfriend’s arm around your shoulders—didn’t have any right to be afraid anymore.

“Are you feeling okay?” 

You blink at Dean as he guides you out of the bar, Sam walking a few feet ahead and the wind of the night is so cold-

Dean says your name, his brow furrowing in the way it does when he’s worried, and you give him your best, softest, most docile smile.

“Everything’s fine.” You say, and you can almost believe yourself. Your voice is gentle and small and doesn’t sound like you, but it’s the best way to end the questions. You’ll fold over. You’ll bend until you snap. And nobody needs to push you for that to happen. 

But Dean’s still frowning. “Are you sure? ‘Cause if you’re feeling well we can head back to the bunker tonight, and Sam won’t have to get his own room-“

“No, Dean, I’m-“

“Yeah, no, Dean.” Sam turns, shooting his brother a glare. “How would I get home?”

“You’re smart, Sammy, you’d figure it out-“

You tune out the rest of their fake-argument. You’re mostly listening to the wind. It’s loud, and strong, and cold. So cold, biting at your skin and making your joints stiff, but at least you can feel it. It’s not numbing, and it’s indifferent, and Sam and Dean don’t seem half as affected by it as you are, but they’re also not weak-

“C’mon,” Dean says your name, and you realize you’re moving again. That he’s guiding you into the shotgun seat, and a grumpy looking Sam is clambering into the back.

“Wait, why-“

“We’re dropping Sam off, then heading back.” Dean turns the engine on, his voice barely raising to match the rumble, and you’re not sure you heard him right.

“Why- I don’t-“

“I wanna go home.” Dean shrugs, and it’s too casual. “And Sammy’s a big boy, he’ll be fine without Mommy and Daddy watching him.”

A small smile tugs at your lips, built by Sam’s groan from behind you, and you can’t stop the words from slipping out. “I told you to stop calling us that.”

“Yeah, but you also told me that you were-“ Dean cuts himself off, shaking his head slightly and clearing his throat. “That you weren’t into car sex, and that ain’t ever stopped us-“

You cover his mouth with a hand—his shit-eating grin just as blinding in only his eyes—and Sam makes a fake gagging sound.

And you think Dean knows. That he’s realized that you’re just so tired and weak and useless, and he’s trying to work out if it’s worth keeping you around. If you’ll listen to him and do what he asks—and you will, you always will, not because of the threat of being left but because he’s Dean and he couldn’t lead you astray if he tried—or if he needs to leave you on the pavement to scrape yourself back together.

So you don’t fight him, or insist that Sam can have his privacy and sanity without getting another room or you and Dean leaving, because you don’t really want to be touched like that right now. You just drop Sam off at the motel, grab your bags, and slump back into the Impala’s bench as Sam and Dean exchange low words outside.

By the time Dean joins you, you’re half asleep. And you try to stay awake—to entertain him half as much as he entertains you—but he pulls you right into his side, lets your head rest on his shoulder, and Dean doesn’t smell like lavender. He smells like evergreen and apples, he’s warm when your ears are still a little numb from the cold, and when he starts to hum along to the low music, you’re gone. Everything fades, and it’s just the deep sound of Dean’s voice like a lullaby and a big, firm hand on your thigh that isn’t going to leave a bruise.

Maybe you don’t deserve a bruise. 

Maybe you don’t deserve anything. Maybe you’re lucky to be stuck in this bed with stinging marks around your throat, and a voice like nails on your ears sneering that you’re a weak little bitch. If you were stronger you’d fight back, but you’ve been broken in and can’t be put back together. If you were stronger, you’d scream for help, but you’re also so horribly you that you know nobody will ever come and save you.

Who would try to save you? Who could possibly care about something like you enough to bother and patch up you up, to take string to your skin and heart and organs and tie them back together? You’re not strong enough to make anything stick. You’re made of glass and linen, and any attempt to put you back together would be futile, because you’d probably just break further. Someone would have to be patient enough to pull you back together when you spooled apart, and warm enough to fuse and meld you in a way that wouldn’t shatter with one touch.

You don’t think a person like that would be real. And if they are, they wouldn’t want you.

Because they’d be strong, and you really are weak.

If you were strong, you would’ve left. But you’re still here in this freezing cold bed, staring at the crack on the ceiling.

And you don’t think you’ll ever be more than that. Not as another hand wraps around your throat—you don’t remember what you said, but you must have said something—and there’s a heavy weight on your chest and you can’t breathe-

“Breathe.” A deep voice that sounds like it cares says your name, and you listen. “It’s okay, you’re okay, just breathe for me.”

For him. There’s a hand on your head that’s combing through your hair and pressing you into a place that warm and solid and safe. You’re held steady by an arm around your waist, and it fits so well there. You don’t think it could hurt you if it tried.

He’d sounds kind and caring, and he’d said your name like you mattered, so you’ll try to breathe.

And you don’t remember how to do it for yourself yet, so—just for now, until you can teach yourself to do anything for you—you’ll breathe for him.

“There you go, baby,” the voice mutters, and when you make a weak, choked sound his body tenses, but he doesn’t push you away. “I know, but I’ve got you. Swear I’ve got you.”

He says he’s got you. Dean says he’sgot you.

And you believe him.

So you start to cry.

He’d never liked it when you cried. He’d said it was useless, and that the sound was annoying.

Dean just keeps holding you, and muttering soothing words in your ear until the tears stop flowing. He only keeps rubbing a circle on your back until your breathing slows, and you can lean back to meet his gaze.

He’s not angry. Just worried. 

You’re going to start crying again.

“Are,” you sniff, trying to pull yourself back together by force, and look around the dark space. “Are we still in the car?”

“Pulled over earlier.” He mutters, tracing his thumb over your cheekbone with a care you don’t deserve. “You started doing that tossing shit when you’re about to have a nightmare. Wanted to get ahead of it.”

You swallow. You’d made him pull over, and you had enough nightmares that he knew what one looked like, and you were just a burden and problem and he should just shove you out of the Impala and leave you to rot like carrion on the highway-

“Stop doin’ that.” Dean grunts, and you tense.

“I- I’m not-“

“You’re freakin’ out. You’re freakin’ me out.” Dean scans over your face, pulling you close until you’re half on his lap. “If you’re hurt, you know you gotta tell me, sweetheart. I’m not looking to do a zombie bite thing, where we get home and you start bleeding all over the floor. So tell me.” He takes a deep breath, and his exhale is warm over your lips. “Please tell me.”

You can’t tell him. You’re not ready for him to leave yet.

You drop your brow to Dean’s, taking low, slow breaths and shaking your head. “It’s okay-“

“It’s fucking not.” He snaps your name, his grip tightening slightly, and you flinch. “I- shit- did I hurt you-“

“No.” You mumble. “I’m just tired-“

“You’ve been sleeping for five hours. You’ll get another seven once we get goin’ again. But,” Dean narrows his eyes, even as his grip loosens once more. “We’re not getting back on the road until you answer me. What’s wrong.”

“I-“ You cut yourself off with a choked sound. He’s angry. You’d made him angry, and he won’t hurt you but if he did you’d deserve it-

You start crying again, and Dean’s eyes widen. This is it. He’s going to push you out the window and you’ll have to wander through the marshes until the mud just swallows you whole-

Dean pulls you fully into his lap, holding you there carefully and muttering in your ear with a care and reverence you don’t deserve.

“Fuck, baby, I’m sorry, fuck, please don’t cry-“

“No, it’s- I’m-“ You take a long, strangled breath, wrapping your arms around his torso until you’re sure you’re going to suffocate him. “It’s not you, Dean, I- It’s not your problem-“

“Fucking hell it’s not my problem.”

You shake your head, burying your face in the crook of his neck. Maybe you really could move in there, and nothing would ever hurt you again. “It’s- You don’t have to-“

“I do.” He mutters, guiding your head back to meet his gaze. He brushes the tears from your eyes. You don’t deserve this. “You’re hurtin’.”

It’s not a question, but you nod anyways. Holding a lie too long has never done you a favor before.

“Tell me how to fix it.”

“You- you can’t fix this,” you mumble, staring at the bridge of his nose. You aren’t worthy of looking him in the eyes. “It’s, it’s just me, Dean. I’m just like this.”

He frowns. “Like what?”

“Weak.” You whisper. “I- I risked the hunt, I always risk the hunt, and I’m not strong like you and Sam are, and I just wanna go home-“

“We’re going home, babygirl.” Dean’s voice is soft, and low, and cautious, and you let out another sob that shakes your whole body. “And you’re not weak, you ganked like three vamps-“

“Could’ve done more.”

“There were seven of them. Three is pretty awesome numbers.” He gives you a nervous small smile. “You’re awesome. I don’t know who’s been telling you otherwise, but you are.”

That’s what breaks you. The floodgates don’t open—they’d barely held anything to begin with—but something snaps along your spine, and you can’t stop the horrible, rotten truth from falling out of your mouth. 

“But he was right.” You whisper. “I’m weak, Dean, and I don’t know why you can’t see it.”

“There’s nothing to see, and I- Who’s he?”

You wish that you’d slept better. If you had, your tongue wouldn’t be loosened with pure exhaustion, and you could lie.

But you’re so tired. Unbelievably tired. Mind-numbingly and persistently tired, all the time, and it’s grow so intolerable you just want to be anything else. And if what you are is weak and alone, at least you’ll know that’s where you're supposed to be. 

And you’d never wanted Dean to know. He was never supposed to learn from your own mouth how foul you are. He was supposed to find out himself, and then leave you like everyone always has the right to do.

But you’re telling him that you’re weak and fearful, that you’d never been able to fight tooth and spit and leave. You waited so, so long to leave and even then, it had only been because he’d been gone for a while, and you were so tired, and you needed to be anywhere but there. 

And you stepped out, and never gone back.

There’s not going back now either. It all spills out, from how you met him to the day you left. And Dean’s so quiet. Only watching you as you speak and squeezing his hold on your hips when you trail off or cry.

But he doesn’t kick you out. And when you finished, you’re still in his lap. You can’t read the expression on his face. The highway lights are dim, and there’s nothing obviously hateful or disgusted written over his features, but you might just be too stupid to see it-

“I’m-“ Dean clears his throat, his voice hoarse. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

You blink at him, the tears still blurring your vision. “What.”

“That’s- I didn’t know, I never even fucking guessed- I should’ve guessed-“

“How would you have guessed?” You whisper, risking a drop of your brow back to his. He lets you stay. “I never told you-“

“But I know you. I should’ve seen it, you- I should’ve made you feel like you could tell me, I-“ His face hardens in his second, his grip tightening, but not to suffocated you. To protect you. To wrap his whole body around yours and keep it there safely. “I should fucking kill him. Cut off his arms and stuff them up his ass, get Cas to put the fear of god in him-“

“Dean, no-“

“He doesn’t just get to fucking do that to you and keep walking around-“

“He shouldn’t.” You mumble. “But he did. Men do all the time. And, I- I’m sorry I didn’t tell you-“

“Don’t apologize.” He grunts, dragging his thumb over your cheekbone. “You’ve never done anything wrong, baby, it’s just that son of a bitch, who’s gonna get a knock on his door soon-“

“No knocking on doors,” you wrap your arms around his neck, shaking your head against his brow. “Please, Dean, that’s- that’s not what I want-“

“What do you want?”

His question is immediate, and it crashes into you like a tidal wave. Numbing your whole body and kickstarting it in the same second, because you don’t know. You haven’t really known, haven’t had a direction, in years. You wandered and wandered and just tried to keep on breathing, to keep on your feet,  and never let yourself look back. 

You’d never been good at that last part. You kept on breathing because you didn’t have a choice. You’d kept on your feet because if you faltered, you’d fall over and it would be so painful to get back up. 

But you’d always looked back. On nights like this one, over and over and over until your eyes were sunken and your neck was craned to always make sure nothing was behind you. 

It might be nice to rest. To breathe not because it’s a labor, but because it feels nice to breathe the same air as Dean. 

It would be amazing to keep looking back—it’s a habit, and it will die a slow and withering death until it’s gone, and you never pinpoint the moment you lost it—but to also start looking forward. Looking for that place to rest, that you already seem to have found.

What do you want?

“I want some food.” You whisper, leaning back to scan over Dean’s face. “And a nap. Please.”

Dean gives you a small grin, and nods. “I think we can do that. And after, you’ll give me an address-“

“Please don’t kill him, Dean.” You drop your voice slightly, holding his gaze. “I just want to stay with you, and to never see him again. Please.”

Two more wants. You’re on a roll. 

“Just me?” Dean asks, and you don’t he believes you.

But it really is the truth.

“Just you.” You say, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his lips, and humming when he grins against them.

“Lucky you,” he mutters your name against your lips, squeezing his arms around you “I think I know a dude who can swing that.”

You let out a soft giggle—barely a breath, but there—Dean squeezes his arms again, and you really like how he does that. It’s not because he’s trying to remind you where you belong, it’s because he trying to check that you’re there. Like he’s just as afraid that you’ll flee as you are that he’ll shove you aside, and he’s trying to hold you together with everything he has before you slip away.

“You’re really cheesy,” you say, and he chuckles.

“You like it. We start drivin’ again, you think you’ll be able to get some sleep?”

“Yeah, but food-“

“We’re only a few hours out from home.” Dean shrugs, really making no attempt to move you from his lap. “I’ll order whatever you’re feeling when we get back.”

You pause, playing with the hairs on the back of his neck as you think. “How about pizza?”

“Who’s cheesy now-“

You lean back to give him a mock glower. “Dean Winchester.”

“What did you not like that one-“

“It was horrible-“

“That’s not a no-“ 

You cut him off with a long, soft kiss, and you like it here. Wherever Dean is, you’ll like it there.

“Can we please get pizza?” You mumble, and he nods. It’s such a small, normal movement. 

It makes you feel a little more found.

“We can get anything you want, princess.”

End Note: Oof that was a sad one. Sorry squad.

If you like this story, please reblog, share, or leave a comment! <3

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@and-i-wish

[ultravi0lence14]

BORDERLINE

SOLDIER BOY X SWEETHEART!READER

WARNINGS: soldier boy as a whole, mentions of drugs, crude language

SUMMARY: in a feeble attempt to thwart your crush on soldier boy, you decide to practice shooting a gun with him, realizing that the crush you have on him is on the borderline of obsession.

WORD COUNT: 1.4k

the attraction you held for soldier boy was starting to become a problem.

it had been two weeks since you helped the boys rescue soldier boy from his cold induced sleep, and each waking second you were with him was getting worse and worse for your sanity.

although the man was a grade A jackass, he had this whit and charm about him that had you falling at his feet. it didn’t make it any better that he was totally hot. who cares if he was technically a grandpa, you were so far gone no one could bring you back.

you were gracing the borderline of obsession, and soldier boy would be a fool to have not noticed.

how could he not? you were always batting those pretty lashes at him, staring with those wide eyes when you thought he wasn’t looking, and always nervously biting your lip or stuttering over your words when he spoke to you.

ben thought you were adorable; with your glossy waves, short skirts and tight fitted tops. you were everything he found attractive, your personality just being the cherry on top.

so when he saw you, small denim skirt and tight tank top, making his dick harden, he realized that it was time to make a move.

you were staring down at butcher’s desk, looking at the gun he had given you to protect yourself. though there was a slight problem; you’ve never shot a gun in your life, and there was no way that butcher was going to teach you, even if you asked nicely.

“the guns not gonna bite ya’ babydoll,” the sound of soldier boys smug voice rang from behind you, making you stiffen. “c’mon, pick it up, i’ll teach ya’ how to use it.”

the apples of your cheeks reddened, slowly looking at the weapon and back at soldier boy. “you don’t need to do this ben, i don’t want to inconvenience you.” your words made his jaw clench. it wasn’t even the fact that you used his real name — a small gesture that made his stomach tighten. but it was the fact that you thought the mere idea of him helping you would be annoying to him.

you could never annoy him.

never.

you were the only person in this stupid group he could stand to be around.

“you could never annoy me, babydoll. now c’mon,” he spoke, reaching across you to grab the gun and stopping a breath away from your face, his nose basically touching yours. “you need to learn how to shoot, protect yourself from the fuckers out in the world.” he implemented his words with a sultry kiss on your cheek, the smell of weed and something distinctly soldier boy hoarding your senses as he pulled away and walked towards the shooting range in the building.

standing in place, your eyes were wide as you recounted what just happened. did he really just kiss you on the cheek? face so close to yours you could taste the earthy drug on his breath? it was all so intoxicating. so much so you didn’t even notice the man in question standing by the office’s entrance, a smug smile on his face.

“you comin’ babydoll? or do i need to haul you over my shoulder and carry you myself?” the imagery of your ass on full display as you were flung over his shoulder made the knot in ben’s spine stiffen, having mentally stop himself from getting a hard on as you walked sheepishly closer to him.

the walk to the secluded gun range was silent, your brain running ramped with how close soldier boy was to you; while ben tried to stop himself from pushing you against a wall and kissing you senseless.

as the two of you walked into the stuffy room, your eyes instantly roaming around to notice multiple targets with an onslaught of bullet holes in them. a long, stretching metal table to stand behind was glaring at you, glass panes dull without light reflecting off of them.

with a breeze of nonchalance and arrogance, solider boy walked over to the table and adjusted the gun in his palms. he fiddled with the clip, smacking it on the table and making sure all the bullets were in perfectly.

when he clicked it back into place, the man of the hour in your mind adjusted the safety off before aiming the gun upwards and shooting a couple of bullets at the target.

the loud sound made you plug your ears and jump in shock, but you also couldn’t help but notice how he landed his shots perfectly on the targets skull each time.

it was hot, watching him shoot a gun so effortlessly. yet you also couldn’t help but scold yourself at the thoughts twirling around your brain. how you wished he would kiss you senseless, be as reckless with you as he was with that gun while he pounded into your-

“get that pretty ass over here babydoll,” soldier boy grinned out, crooking a finger in a come hither motion. “gonna start our lessons nice and easy”

timidly, you walked over to the smirking man, gasping as his one arm snaked out and gripped your waist to pull you into him. your noses were brushing each other, breaths mingling as ben leaned forward and quickly nipped at your bottom lip.

no time to even react, soldier boy maneuvered your bodies so he was caging you in between the table and his body — his big arms wrapped around you in a snug and protective shield.

“first of all,” he started, whispering in your ear as you looked down at the gun in front of you. “this is how you grip a gun.” he showed you the proper ways to hold it, demonstrating and explaining through the proper technique as you tried to listen and not let your brain explode. “does that make sense, babydoll?”

his question caught you off guard, for you’d been staring at his veiny arms instead of listening.

with a sheepish nod, you grabbed the gun and held it in the same position he had. the feeling of his hands gripping tightly onto your waist made you coil tight in anticipation, and the ragged pull of his breath against your ear had yours catching in your throat.

“good fuckin’ girl.” he rasped out, the feeling of his smirk tickling your earlobe. “such a good listener for me, hmm?”

a sheepish nod filtered from your bones, leaving soldier boy to playfully kiss at your neck as his arms wrapped around yours. “now this is how ya do it.” he murmured in your ear, lifting your arms up while his big hands encompassed yours. “keep steady, aim straight at your target, and squeeze the trigger. though be careful ‘bout the recoil pretty girl. as much as i’m always here to catch you, i don’t want you hurting yourself.

nothing came from your parted lips as you focused solely on aiming at the target. nog even the feeling of ben’s hands gripping yours and his arms intwined around your body could shake the wave of concentration that coursed through your body.

with a shaky breath, your finger jumped to squeeze the trigger. a jolt thrummed up your arms, the ricochet from the shot jolting your bones.

you hadn’t even realized you’d closed your eyes until you felt ben’s hands untangle themselves from yours, palms going to your shoulders and squeezing tightly.

“look at you, babydoll!” he praised, lips brushing the shell of your ear as you peaked your eyes open. “that’s my fuckin’ girl! right on the money!”

it took you a while to realize that your shoot had pierced directly through the targets chest, hitting exactly where their heart would lie beating in their bones.

letting out a deafening squeal, you jumped slightly on the spot, turning around and throwing your arms around soldier boy’s neck. “i did it!” you squeaked, feet lifting off the ground as ben spun you around in his grasp. “holy shit ben i did it!”

“yes you did baby” he murmured in your ear, placing you down on the table and spreading your legs so he could fit in between your thighs. “and now it’s time for your reward.”

his skillful tongue dove into your mouth, lips mashing against each other as the both of you indulged in a heated kiss. whatever crush you had on this man turned into full blown obsession as he gripped your hair in one hand, using the leverage to pull your head back and leave trails of kisses down your neck.

this maddening lust you held for him wasn’t going away soon. especially after you learned what his tongue and fingers felt like exploring your pussy.

TAGS: @starzify @titsout4jackles @floralscented @deansbeer @bluemerakis @gibson-g1rl @deanangel @whisperingdaze @figthoughts @honeyryewhiskey @haunteres @foolinthera1n @ilovedeanwinchester4

NAT BABBLES: first soldier boy fic. . . pls be nice to me🥹

DIVIDER CREDS: @adornedwithlight

[queeniewithabeanie]

The Ones Who Stayed

Dpxdc Prompt #30

Bruce was gone and everything went to shit with it.

Jason was going on an anti-hero rampage, Tim was off trying to prove a dead man was alive, and Cass had fled to Hong Kong.

Alfred had asked for time off for the first time in decades, and who was Dick to deny that to him? How could he look at the man who had lost his son in all but blood and expect him to be alright. Alfred was going to go back to England for a while, connect with his roots.

And then Commander Gordon had a heart attack and while he didn't die, someone needed to care for him and keep the GCPD from going to complete shit. So the Bats didn't have an Oracle to keep watch for them either.

It was just Batman (Dick), Robin (Damian), and Batgirl (Stephanie) again, but it was all so wrong and Dick didn't know what to do.

Luckily for him, Alfred even in his grief knew when the Bats needed help so he called in some back up.

"His name is Danny Fenton and he can keep up with my duties while I'm away." Alfred had said, barely keeping it together, "He's got a friend, Tucker Foley, who should be able to help with your... tech problems. Both are in the know."

Well everything was already shit, and Alfred was always trustworthy so if he vouched for these people they couldn't be too bad.

Things couldn't get worse.

Phantom and Pharaoh became essential to the work of the Gotham vigilantes. Neither went out onto the field, but Phantom had more knowledge about health than anybody had a right to and Pharaoh practically breathed tech.

Both were amazing at creating weapons.

When Bruce was discovered to be alive, Jason calmed down enough to see reason, Tim was proven right, Cass had nothing to run from in Gotham, Commander Gordon had finally gotten back on his feet, and Alfred had come back to the states they all came crawling back to Wayne Manor.

They came back to unfamiliar dynamics and unbreakable bonds they didn't understand. They couldn't figure out how to fit in to the well-oiled machine that was the Bats.

We were the ones that stayed, Dick thought, if they thought nothing would change while they were gone they're more crazy than the villains we put in Arkham.

Everything would eventually slot into place, but the one's that stayed weren't going to move for people who had left.

[jenjensd]

I often make the point that a lot of “associated risk” for fatness and certain health conditions is likely related to their attempts at weight loss. Starving themselves, over exercising, malnutrition, weight loss medication, all of these things can make your health and certain conditions significantly worse. But because studies haven’t been done that isolate and control for these variables when assessing fat patients, there’s not enough evidence to prove to doctors that “I won’t get a stroke going on the combined pill just because I’m fat, I’m begging you just put me on that” for example.

And it means that options for health assessment, medication, and treatments are all limited by the inherent fatphobia in medicine. I found an article that revealed doctors will actually refuse to treat patients who are either smokers or fat because “it’s self imposed”, and surgeries as well as other treatment options are completely shut down by doctors because of this ridiculous idea that we “did this to ourselves”. As if no one is fat who didn’t choose to exist that way. As if the weight loss industry isn’t raking in millions every year in almost every developed country. As if people haven’t endangered their lives or even died from desperately trying to lose weight.

I’ve already spoken many times about how my mum nearly died of a brain tumour because her doctor said “adipose tissue in the brain” instead of actually taking her seriously, just because she’s fat. Fatphobia is a real problem and not just societally (less likely to get jobs, get a partner, get a promotion, get taken seriously in education, get treated fairly in court, etc.) but also medically. Fatphobia is fucking lethal. It has killed before and it will keep killing, until society stops treating fat people like morally bankrupt subhumans.

Hey did y'all ever think about that if doctors blame all fat people's medical issues on them being too fat without proper investigation and then feel justified in neglecting their medical concerns, then statistically more fat people WILL develop and potentially die from serious health issues and it might not actually be because of the fat when everything comes down to it

[emsdevs]

The Return

Bear and Bug 🐻🐞

a/n: surprise!! kirby talked me into splitting this part up, so you all get one more part of the main conflict after this!! enjoy!!!

masterlist | NHL Masterlists | Bear and Bug Masterlist

Three weeks had passed since you arrived at Cole’s place, and he’s been trying everything under the sun to get you to return to the lake house with him. Today, after getting out of bed, you find out he’s pulled out the big guns. When you walk into the living room, you’re met with not only Cole but also Trevor and Alex. Apparently, Cole had filled them in on the situation, and they changed their flights to Montreal to come help. 

“C’mon. It can’t be that bad. I know for a fact Jack misses you,” Trevor is currently trying to encourage you to come with them, your packed suitcase sitting beside him. At some point during the night, they had snuck into your room and packed your bags, leaving you with no “good” excuse not to go with them.

“You talked to him?” your head shoots toward Trevor, hope filling your eyes. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as you thought.

“...No,” he looks toward the ground as he speaks, “but! I know Jack, and I know he’s probably falling apart at the seams if you two haven’t talked in three weeks. You’re his person. He’s probably dying right now.”

“Oh, great. I’m killing my best friend! This is exactly what I was worried about when Quinn and I got together. He’s been having such a tough time, and I’ve made it a hundred times worse. I’ll be lucky if he ever talks to me again.”

“You’re right. She is being dramatic,” Alex whispers to Cole before stepping forward to try to comfort you. “Look, sweetheart, the only way to make this any better is to bite the bullet. I know you’re scared, but you can’t keep running away from it.”

You were silent for a moment, shocked by the wisdom from Alex. After gathering your thoughts, you spoke, “You’re right. Let me go be sure you all got everything, and then we can head out.”

“No way that worked,” Cole couldn’t believe their plan worked in their favor.

“Bro, when did you become a shrink?”

~~

The tension at the lake house was higher than ever. Ellen and Jim had given up on trying to help their sons work out their issues, so they drove back home for a while, letting the boys stew in their anger. The boys had done nothing except that. Quinn and Luke silently shared an alliance while Jack either ignored them completely or began picking fights. 

“Hope you two are ready to go running back to your precious Bug,” Jack told the other two boys as he walked to the kitchen to grab a snack.

“What do you mean?” Luke answered, sass written all over his question.

“Trev just texted me. He, Alex, and Cole just boarded their flight. With Bug.”

“She’s coming back?” Quinn couldn’t hide the hope in his voice. He didn’t care how Jack felt anymore. He was miserable, and he needed his Bug. 

“Don’t get all excited. That doesn’t mean she’s getting back together with you,” Jack rolled his eyes.

“Don’t tell me you think she’s coming back for you,” Luke doesn’t even attempt to hide the sneer in his voice.

“She’s my best friend, Lukey. Of course, she’s coming back to get in my good graces.” 

“Are you kidding me? Look at how you’ve been treating her, Jack! We’re all lucky she’s even coming back at all!” Quinn is angry now. You’ve probably been hurting more than he has for the past three weeks, and Jack is acting all high and mighty like you’ll come crawling back to him. As far as Quinn is concerned, you don’t need to come crawling back to anybody. If anything, the three of them owe you an apology.

“Of course, you’re sticking up for her! God, she has you wrapped around her finger! You’re so whipped you can’t see that she’s the problem here!”

“No, you don’t get to do that. You know Quinn is right. You’ve been horrible to her, and she deserves an apology. From all of us, honestly. Jesus, I mean, she even put you’re feelings above her happiness. She and Quinn could have been so happy, but you were complaining about how horrible the NHL is every night, so her main concern was protecting you. Mind you, you are not one of the two people in that relationship, so the fact she took your feelings about it into account at all is a kind of grace that you obviously don’t deserve. Why don’t you get down from your high horse and think about everything Bug has done for you? Then, you can tell us if she’s the one that needs to apologize or not,” Luke doesn’t give Jack time to answer, walking off as soon as he finishes his speech. Quinn doesn’t hesitate in following, only giving Jack a sharp look before making his way to your room once again. He found Luke already there, so they sat on your bed together, putting on a movie and soon falling asleep.

Jack, now alone in the living room, takes the time to do as Luke said. He thought back to when he knew you’d be his best friend forever. You two had silently agreed to have separate friend groups at school, but when you saw Jack’s friends had left him alone one day at lunch, you left your friends to go sit with him. They stopped talking to you after that, but you were fine with it because you had Jack. He thought about everything you had sacrificed for him, even skipping out on joining an afterschool club because it would conflict with some of his game times. How many times had you put Jack first, even when you could’ve had something really good for you if you had put yourself first? He could think of at least one: Quinn. He’s a horrible best friend. 

Jack lost track of how long he sat there, losing himself in his thoughts that were slowly becoming more and more self-deprecating, but before he knew it, he heard the front door opening. Moments later, he jumps to his feet when he sees you walk into the living area.

“Hey,” he says, slightly out of breath.

“Hey.”

taglist: @heartsforjh @devilinpradaheels @coldheartedmar @juxmi @puckmedude @alexxavicry @dancerbailey3 @hockey43 @madebyhappymeals @ccomandercody @kirajessie @beenucks @iamspeed6

join the taglist

[gatheringbones]

You seem like the kind of person to be delightfully honest about my problem, and the fact that you are already in a successful relationship encourages me; as long as i can remember, i have been trying to make friends and connections but i always fail. If i may refrence a half remembered quote from a book i think you posted, i think it's like they can smell the desperation off me, and the fact that a "normal" "well adjusted" person wouldn't go to bat for them that quickly, like they can see the abandoned autistic kid crawling out my skin. One would think that once i found queer people the problem would be solved, but even then they were the 'cool' party kids having exciting autonomous adventures, so my inability to do so struck even nore of a loser nerve, i think. I thought that this last semester i finally found the person that was as interested in the relationship as me (constant, daily conversations for *months*), but they unexpectedly blocked me and vagued about how I was annoying and that they just used my passion for certain things to start drama. Plus, they had other, year long friends so i shouldn't have expected differently... How can I get over being ignored even by other "freaks", even if we're supposed to stick together or something?

that dream of the discerning/accepting/loving family of lovers and dreamers is a double edged sword. it has existed before, it will exist again, it exists even now— but like all deep trickster magic it’s elusive and multidimensional and not encountering it when you expect and long for it hurts very badly, as you’ve experienced.

you’re in the period of bashing against the jagged rocks while you realize that there isn’t actually a sacred pact based on mutual self interest and adoration between all mad queer persons. that’s part of the magic and it’s one of the only ways you gain access to the higher and deeper spells. your shame and heartbreak and disappointment are context for what comes next.

only truly loving and brave and rare human beings will regard and handle you in the manner you wish to be handled and regarded. being that loving and brave in a world like this crushes and rends and tears a person; they accrue so much damage just for behaving decently and maintaining hold of their compassion and discernment in a world that wants nothing more than to cauterize it out of them, just as it wishes to cauterize the dream of true love and solidarity out of you.

If you study everything you can get your hands on about love and respect and how to care for and nurture other people, you’ll hone some of the skills you will need to recognize these very rare persons in the wild. If you are unbelievably lucky, you may be able to comport yourself in such a way that you earn their regard and trust. More dashing against the jagged rocks will ensue. It will hurt worse than anything you can imagine. You will be reliant on miracles and the whims of a capricious universe.

Have fun, be brave! The way out is deeper into the horror story.

[jschlautism]

someone call the doctor now, i'm feelin' low

note: wouldn't be a fluff writer if i didn't make a sickfic

warnings/tags: schlatt is a big baby about being sick, established relationship, reader is gender neutral, emetophobia, alcoholism is mentioned, hurt/comfort, reader is shorter and younger than schlatt, schlatt doesn't really talk because he feels like garbo

word count: 1,049

Unfortunately, waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of someone retching on the other side of the wall was something you were used to by now, what with your boyfriend being an alcoholic. You tried to help him as best you could, but some days were just far too difficult for him to handle. Assuming that drinking was to blame, you rolled over with a huff and tried to go back to sleep. It was nothing John hadn’t dealt with before, he’d had this problem long before you two got together; you were sure he could handle himself. At least.. That’s what you thought, and that was what you were working off of until John re-entered the bedroom, practically whimpering with a weak voice. A quick pet name was all you had managed to catch him say. At that moment, you realized something was terribly wrong here. Sitting up in the bed quickly, you lay your eyes upon John, who, admittedly, looked worse for wear. He was trembling, his hair a mess, and what looked faint freckles visible on his cheeks, likely from the straining it takes to throw up.

John just stares at you as you begin to get up from the mattress, tossing the blankets aside. You approach him, looking up into those deep brown eyes that you loved so much. They were captivating, even now as he was at his worst. “What’s wrong, my sweet boy?” You ask with softness in your voice that only he ever got to hear, reaching up to gently caress his cheek. The older man simply leans into your touch, closing his eyes as he lets out a shaky breath. To you, that was further confirmation that there was a problem. “Come on bubba, speak to me, tell me what’s wrong..” You push again as you take his hand and begin to lead him to the bed. Even now, you still got butterflies holding his hands, simply because they were much larger than yours were. You bury those thoughts, focusing on him and making sure he’s okay.

He sits down on the mattress slowly, and the moment that he does, you place your wrist to his forehead; you already have a suspicion about what’s going on. Sure enough, when you pull your hand away, you can still feel the warmth on your wrist for just a moment. “J, honey, you’re burning up.. are you sick?” In response to your question, he just nods his head. He was always a big baby when he fell ill, and this time was clearly no exception. You let out a sigh and shake your head. Thinking for a bit, you decide to advise John to lay down and try to get some rest. He protests, but eventually he does give in and lays his head atop the pillows. Once he’s gotten settled in, you tell him you’ll be right back, and leave the room to get some things you think he may need.

You make your way into the kitchen, then retrieve a water bottle from the cabinet. You figure he probably needs water after whatever the hell he had just gone through. Filling the bottle with ice water, you stop and think for a moment. “Should probably get him a bucket or something just in case..” You mutter under your breath while you tightened the lid on the water bottle. Maneuvering around the kitchen, you begin to look for something that you could give him just to make sure he had cover on his way to the bathroom. Ultimately not really finding much, you decide on one of the spare dish pans and coat the inside with paper towels. It would have to be enough.. for now, at least. You can go to the store in the morning to get something else if you have to, but for the moment, you think this will work. He’s probably not too picky right now, anyways. Returning to the bedroom with the water bottle and dish pan in your grasp, you notice that John had actually managed to fall asleep. Sighing, you set the drink and the makeshift bucket on the bedside table, then take a good look at your sleeping beauty. He always looked so sweet when he was resting. You run a hand through his somewhat curly brown locks with a subtle frown on your face. “I really wish you felt better, J…” You whisper with furrowed brows.

Neither of you really got much sleep that night. With John being up and down vomiting, and you having to take care of him, there really wasn’t much opportunity to rest. Eventually, it got to a point where you both just gave up and decided to watch a movie. You let him pick, since he was the ‘poor baby’ of the situation, and he ended up picking Wall-E. In the middle of the movie, he turns his head to look at you. “Not to be a burden or anything, but.. Do you think you could maybe get me some crackers? I… I wanna at least try to eat somethin’...” He mumbles, then looks down at his lap, where his hands were resting. He fidgets with the blankets a bit. You pat him gently on the back and nod, getting up to head to the kitchen. Just as you were about to head back into the bedroom, you notice the bathroom light is on, and you hear the undeniable sound; your boyfriend retching once more. You set the pack of crackers down on the accent table in the hall and enter the bathroom, kneeling down beside the man. Placing a hand atop his back, you begin to rub careful circles into his skin through the thin fabric of his shirt, reassuring him every now and then with your soft words. It was disgusting, having to witness this, but you knew you had to be here for him; after all, he was always there for you. When he finally gets a moment of peace, he lifts his head and looks at you with what you could only describe as puppy dog eyes. He looked utterly pathetic, and all you wanted to do was make him feel better.

This was going to be a long week.

[luv-lock]

Your context is exactly what I'm saying. It's not true by any means. It's all misinformations. Ubisoft is trying to rewrite history and that's why they're silencing Japanese people who are talking against this game on internet. They even changed the name "Samurai" in Japanese version because they knew it's not true.

Look at some comments from Japanese people:

— Because of you, some people overseas now believe that Yasuke, a black man, was a samurai who significantly impacted Japanese history. This has led to a harmful trend of black supremacists claiming that samurai originated from black people and that Japanese culture is essentially black.

AI-generated images of black samurai are now being spread as if they were historical facts. This is a very serious offense.

— We cannot accept the blurring of lines between fiction and reality.

While Japanese people are very tolerant of creative works, we cannot simply ignore the fact that our country's history is being distorted or grossly misunderstood by so-called historians who are careless about the truth. It is clear that Yasuke was not a samurai but rather a retainer of Nobunaga Oda.

Please understand.

— Oh my god! That shitty white woman in the UBi game was so condescending when she said, "They used to behead people all the time in Japan back then! (So barbaric!)" I rewatched it so many times. If they're going to portray Japan like that, they should at least release the original version in Japan, too!

— They told us that beheading was a daily occurrence in Japan, and now they’re telling us we can't do it in the Japanese version? I distinctly remember players were able to slice through enemies in Tsushima. So, changing "legendary samurai" to "fearless warrior" is the extent of your "modifications"? That’s just double-speak.

— Not content with just one fabricated theory, now they say that beheading is worse than gore? There are no records of a black "samurai" outside of that one fabricated paper. It's annoying how other countries take Assassin's Creed seriously, even though it's supposed to be historically accurate, especially with this Z rating and all the changes. It's different from the previous game. I don't have a problem with the concept, but the changes are in the wrong places.

— You're just trying to add fuel to the fire.

— Okay, I get it. So Ubisoft is trying to divide Japan and the rest of the world, huh? You want us Japanese to just sit back and let Westerners rewrite our history? Ubisoft is a terrible company.

— Of course, the overseas version is probably going to romanticize Yasuke as a 'legendary samurai,' aren't they?

— The product description on Amazon is severely lacking. I have already reported this issue, but please ensure that you address it properly. If you fail to do so, I will report this matter to the Consumer Affairs Agency, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry, and other relevant authorities.

— I've been a long-time fan of the Assassin's Creed series and have purchased all previous titles. However, I've decided to wait and see before purchasing Shadows. While I was excited for a Japanese setting, the recent controversies have made it difficult for me to fully enjoy the game. It's disappointing.

— We wanted the Japanese version to be equal in terms of diversity.

Here's a Japanese man who talked many times about this game and everytime they took his video down because he was telling the truth about his own history. Click here to watch the video. He was also called racist by Americans/westerns just because he was telling his own history. As if you guys know our own history better than ourselves. Like I hate it when western trying to tell me my own history which I grow up reading about. I'm not Japanese but I'm Persian and western tried many time to tell me my own history and rewrite it.

Also @nightmaregiver is an Asian and they agree with me.

Also there's a rumors that they're going to delete Yasuke from the game because of the backlash and the fact that it's not historical accurate.

Ubisoft is a horrible company and they did the same with the prince of Persia. Another game that faces backlash and flop. And I'm so happy that they're closing.

STOP SPREADING MISINFORMATIONS. YOU JUST MAKE YOURSELF LOOK STUPID. Because the only place that a black samurai or black Cleopatra hold an argument is in the west (and not even there most of the time if people are actually educated). And it's because of White Saviors and Afrocentrics. Who lie because of their feelings. And I'm sorry if I sound harsh but it's true.

West need to fucking stop doing this shit!

This is not a samurai. This is not a Persian.

And this is clearly not Cleopatra.

How about y'all actually make something about actual black people? How about y'all make something about Muhammad Ali? Or someone else. We have enough black legends. You don't have to take other people's culture and history. Stop doing this shit. You made Persians mad, you made Egyptians mad and now you're pissing off Japanese.

[bunbun-mochi]

Soothing to Sleep

Caleb x MC (in a relationship)

Warning: Fluff, lots of fluff.

Word Count: 2019, no proofreading

Preview: Caleb had been tired from all the work he'd been doing as a Colonel. You can tell the dark circle under his eyes so you decided to pamper him and help him sleep.

Note: Wrote this instead of studying. Gonna ace that exam. Colonel Caleb, send me luck. Lots of it.

Tagging: @madam8, @gavin3469

Caleb scowled as he read the reports. The more reports he read, the more ridiculous it gets. Ever since he came back from the deepspace tunnel routine yesterday, the work just seems neverending. As soon as he finishes one stack of paperwork, Liam just walks in with another stack of paperwork to finish. To make matters worse, his subordinates don't seem to behave. Every now and then, Liam would report in trouble from the lower ranks. In most cases, they could've solved the problem if they had done their job. As if on cue, Liam called in.

"Colonel," Liam's voice rang in Caleb's earpiece. "The captain of the 8th squadron asked for your presence. He said there had been a problem among the soldiers."

"What sort of problem?" Caleb asked. It sounded more of a frustration than a question.

"I'm not sure. He said a fight had happened." Liam answered.

"I'll be right there," Caleb said before ending the call. He sighed loudly before walking out of his office. This better be good.

Caleb's eyes twitched slightly when he walked to the so-called problem. Four soldiers were in a fistfight, taunting each other, while the other soldiers cheered. He glared at the captain of this group, "I'm pretty sure your job specifically says that you take care of any fights within your squadron?"

The captain hung his head as if feeling shameful, "I tried, but I don't have the capabilities-"

"No capabilities to stop a fight?" Caleb clicked his tongue. He walked toward the fight.

"Stop fighting this instant." A cold voice sliced through the air, and many soldiers who were cheering immediately stopped to turn to see that the colonel himself had arrived at the scene. The crowd near Caleb slowly moved away, either trying to allow the colonel to walk toward the fight or moving away from him to prevent repercussions.

Even with the colonel's orders and the silence of the crowd, the four soldiers did not back down from the fight. Caleb's scowl deepened. In a matter of seconds, the four soldiers are either on their backs or their knees with the colonel looking down at them. The soldiers around them dropped their jaws to see their own colonel just singlehandedly stopped a fight.

"You five," Caleb looked at the four soldiers on the ground then to the captain, "Office. Now."

Without another word, Caleb left the scene to go back into his office, leaving the lingering coldness of his presence on the scene.

Caleb glowered at the five people present in his office.

"If I see you four in another fight-"

"Sir, he attacked-" One of the soldiers tried to defend himself.

"Do not interrupt me." Although his face looked calm, his voice sounded extremely threatening and the whole room felt like it had dropped several degrees. "I expect you four to be on your best behavior. I better not get any reports about you four. Do you understand?"

The soldiers quickly nodded their heads. They didn't know which was better, being yelled at by a superior or being disciplined by this colonel who looked like he would skin them all before murdering them.

"You're dismissed." The soldiers scrambled out the door. When the captain made an attempt to leave, Caleb called out, "You stay."

The captain gulped before standing straight before the colonel.

"The next time you decide to call me to solve this type of issue for you, I expect your badge on my desk promptly."

"Yes, sir."

"Get out."

The captain didn't need to be told twice as he left the office as soon as Caleb told him to leave. Caleb sighed and rubbed his temple. The workload had been ridiculous. As the time ticked on, the entire building slowly turned quiet. All the soldiers and officers had already left work. Caleb checked the time to see it had been nearly midnight. He sighed before heading out of his office to call it a day.

Caleb wasn't particularly excited to go back home. Whenever you weren't in Skyhaven, his house felt empty and lonely. However, today, the house seemed a bit more lively than usual. Several lamps were turned on and he heard a voice and movement inside one of the bedrooms.

"Ugh, I swear I brought some over!" Caleb immediately recognized that voice belonged to you.

He quickly shut the door before calling out to her, "MC?" He quickly stripped out of his uniform that his lover disliked so much.

Without missing a single beat, you ran out of your bedroom and hugged him, "Caleb! Welcome home!"

"I didn't know you were staying." He hugged you back, tightly. "I would've prepared dinner."

You gasped, "Ooo, that does sound good. It's okay, Caleb. I didn't even know I was getting a few days off. Captain Jenna told me to take the weekends off since there have been way too many people to call in for the shift this weekend. So I thought to spend my weekend with you!"

All the fatigue Caleb felt back in the office immediately left him. He felt anew and recharged. You leaned in closer and narrowed your eyes. It was hard to see, but you could see a faint dark circle under his eyes, it's hard to tell without getting very close.

"Caleb?" you frowned, "are you alright?"

Caleb raised an eyebrow, "Yes. Why?"

"Well," You gently caressed the skin under his eyes. "You look tired."

Caleb sighed, "When did you become this observant."

"If I'm not that observant then what kind of hunter would I be."

Caleb chuckled as you used a similar quote he had used before. "Alright, fine, fine. The paperwork was a handful, but don't worry. I'm fiiiiine."

You narrowed her eyes, slightly suspicious, "I don't believe you."

"What should I do to make you believe me?"

You beamed, "I have something in mind."

"I'm all ears."

"No explaining, just listen to my instructions."

"Yes, colonel." Caleb teased.

"Pipsqueak. When you said you had something in mind, this is not what I'm expecting." Caleb nervously chuckled.

You squeezed a bottle of shampoo onto your hand, "shush. Let me take care of you." You lathered the shampoo onto his hair and gently massaged his scalp. "You took care of me many times before, let me do it at least once." You poked his cheek, "Lay down, I can't reach you."

Caleb obediently did what you asked and lay his head back. "I never thought there would be a day where I get pampered instead of the one doing the pampering."

You chuckled, "Well, expect more pampering in the future. Close your eyes."

You inwardly chuckled when Caleb once again obediently did what you asked, like a cute little puppy. "Alright, I'm done with your hair. Finish washing yourself, and I'll wait for you outside."

Caleb smiled, "What else do you have in store for me?"

"You'll see," You said before closing the door.

It didn't take long for Caleb to finish washing. In fact, it wasn't even three minutes, and he was already done, already dressed in his pajamas.

"Caleb, what the fuck? I was just in there."

"Yes, and I'm out here now."

"In three minutes?"

Caleb looked at you in confusion. "Yes?"

"How?"

Caleb shrugged, "Sometimes things happen in the fleet, so I gotta shower quickly, or else my subordinates would see me doing drills naked."

You blinked, trying to process it before laughing at the idea of naked Caleb barking orders.

Caleb playfully narrowed his eyes, "I see your imagination is going wild."

You wiped my tears while gesturing him to sit down, "I'll dry your hair."

Caleb sat down and looked at you questionably. "I think you're trying to start something."

You grabbed the hair dryer and turned it on, "You're overthinking it." While drying his hair, you tried to fluff up his hair as much as possible, trying to give him a new hairstyle. The most ridiculous style you can ever think of.

"What are you doing?" Caleb asked, clearly knowing what your intentions are.

You giggled, "Nothing, just trying to make you fluffy."

"I'm not a dog." The way Caleb acted, he might as well be born in the year of the dog.

It didn't take long for his hair to dry. Sadly, his hair did not fluff up the way you wanted it to be. Guess his hair is just as stubborn as their owner.

You tossed the air dryer to the side and pushed Caleb toward you. "Lean on me, let me massage your shoulders." You pressed down on his shoulder, kneeling around his tense muscles. You can feel Caleb feeling relaxed because he's starting to put his entire weight on you. After several minutes, you feel like he's going to nod off, so you poke his cheek, "Let's do your face."

"What's wrong with my face?" Caleb sounded slightly sleepy.

You rolled your eyes, "Nothing, but it'll feel nice. I promise."

Caleb slowly stood up, "Sure sure. You're the boss."

You dragged Caleb into his bedroom, and made sure he was nice and comfortable under the blanket before putting on the face mask.

"You know, I remember when you forced me to wear face masks while we were in high school. You even used me as a guinea pig for your skincare and makeup."

"Do you not like them?"

"No, I like them."

"Good, now close your eyes. Perhaps you'll achieve what all women wanted: a glass skin."

"If I have that, I'd lose respect from all my subordinates."

"Good," You sat next to him. "Maybe you won't appear that scary under that uniform." You grabbed a book that he was reading and started to hum a tune.

The book Caleb is reading is a lot different than what you would read. It's all about the different models of a plane. Most of which you don't even understand.

"Caleb, what would your next career plan be if you didn't become a pilot?" Would he be an engineer instead? You waited for an answer but no response from Caleb. "Caleb?" You looked over at him to see him fast asleep. His eyes are closed and his breaths are even.

You smiled at his innocent sleeping face as you slowly peeled the mask from his face. "I wish I had your skin. One face mask and you look several years younger."

You quietly and slowly slid out of the bed to turn off all the lights before sliding back under the blanket with him. "Good night."

The first thing that stirred Caleb awake was the smell. The smell smelled... delicious. He can smell the egg, the butter, and the meat. Then he heard a tune, the same tune he heard last night before he passed out. He slowly blinked awake, allowing his eyes to adjust to the morning light.

He slowly left his bed and followed the smell and the music that led him toward the kitchen. He smiled as he watched you doing small dances as you placed the food onto the plate. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed your cheeks which made you jump.

"Caleb! You scared me!"

Caleb chucked, "Good morning, love."

"Good morning. Slept well?"

Caleb nodded. He slept very well last night. The first time where he didn't wake himself up from nightmares.

"I made breakfast. I also made your lunch, if you're interested. If not, I'll just eat it my-"

"Thank you, I'll take them all."

You smiled, "Want me to make dinner tonight?"

Caleb hummed, "Yes, please."

Caleb felt like he was living in paradise. No matter how much work he needed to do, as long as he know that you'll be the one welcoming him home, work doesn't sound as bad.

Boy, was he wrong. The moment he got into his office, he was ready to murder every single person in this building. Because the first damn thing that happened as soon as he went to work, an emergency happened. Because someone can't read a fucking manual, causing a domino effect which then made it into an emergency.

Dividers, headers, banners, and templates used on this post are from @uzmacchiato

[barbwritesstuff]

Hello there, I'm so excited for Of Monsters and Mainframes!

I used to write novels and short stories but have been almost entirely focusing on games for about the last 10 years... and now I'm kind of curious about trying out linear writing again. Do you have any recommendations for novel-writing craft books or other resources? And what's it been like swapping between the two ways of writing?

And I'm really happy to see how Thicker Than is going!

I have been on the hunt for a good nuts-and-bolts creative writing craft book. I pulled apart a bookshelf at a poor lady's bookshop last weekend trying to find one. The problem I'm having is almost all creative writing books are aimed towards people who are just getting started, and while that's amazing, it's not very helpful for me.

I started writing when I was 9ish and have had a long and messy journey as a writer since. I was that teenager writing self insert fantasies. I wrote escapist fanfic while struggling through university. I entered short fiction contests and never quite placed. I sold a short film script I wrote for one dollar. I tried to write popular fiction when everyone said self publishing was the way to go and discovered that was 100% not for me.

In 2018 I wrote my debut novel which I've since pulled and in 2020 I started writing my debut interactive novel which was my first real success.

My writing career isn't one of those 'young creative gets catapulted to success' stories. I sucked for a very long time. I floundered. I fucked up.

But I'm a persistent wee bitch, and I think that counts for a lot in this industry. You just gotta keep trying, keep getting better, and keep picking yourself up.

Now I'm in a place where I've had some (I think) successful stories. Blood Moon. Thicker Than. Of Monsters and Mainframes. My short fiction. I'm hoping to keep that momentum going, to keep that ball rolling, and I'm looking for craft books for people like me and I'm not finding very much.

So, I think what I need to do is make friends with writers who are in similar situations I am.

So... hi.

Wanna be friends?

I know I talk about cannibalism a lot, but I'm actually a really normal and nice person.

Oh, and, to answer your question: 'What's it been like swapping between the two ways of writing?' It's weird. There's the nuts and bolts stuff. I write my interactive stories in second person present tense and the current story I'm writing is in first person past tense. But there's also a different energy to a linear story I can't really explain. Neither better nor worse, just different. That said, my interactive fiction has 100% informed my linear style and my linear style has also informed my interactive style. They bleed together a lot more than you might expect.

I hope that helps.

💙

[everytimewetouch-dot-mp3]

shoutout to getting sick now i can stay up until 5am thinking about how sy reacts when lbh tries to consummate their marriage. he’s shocked at first—why would lbh do something like that with him?? he’s a man?? and anyway isn’t their marriage really more a non-agression pact for which he’s being held as collateral? the contract is valid whether they fuck or not, right?

(it’s not; the agreement was that marriage to shen yuan would ensure lbh’s non-agression toward cqms. the marriage isn’t complete; it hasn’t been consummated. binghe is maintaining non-aggression out of respect for sy)

so after the marriage celebration, lbh is like ‘time to consummate’ and sy is like ‘ahaha my disciple is so funny joking like this; your shifu is retiring to his rooms now binghe good night! 😀’

binghe brings it up a couple times a week for the first month of their marriage and each time sy panics and is like ‘haha of course binghe is joking he would never want to fuck a man, least of all me!’

meanwhile binghe like. doesn’t want to fuck sy but is absolutely perplexed by the idea that sy doesn’t want it either?? isn’t that what people want from him when they agree to marry? is there something wrong with him in sy’s eyes? why won’t his shifu let him into bed?so binghe, very misguided and confused, sets out to seduce sy.

the problem is that sy does find binghe terribly attractive. he’s handsome and strong and powerful and so sweet, and sy is bothered by some of the things he thinks about his disciple and how flustered he feels when binghe looks at him in certain ways. he feels horribly guilty for being attracted to binghe, even though he can’t help it (everyone is attracted to lbh!! it’s a law of nature!!)

so he starts feeling more awkward and avoidant toward lbh, and lbh is trying unsuccessfully to seduce him which only makes it worse.

eventually it comes to a head when lbh gets frustrated with his advances being denied again (why won’t sy just do it already so they can get this over with?? why is he making lbh wait so long?? does he hate lbh for torturing his brother? is that why he’s making lbh wait in fear for the day when sy finally says ‘it’s time to make use of you now, binghe.’ lbh just wants it over with so he can try to recover a relationship with him afterward)

so he’s frustrated and anxious and finally just asks ‘when are you going to make me sleep with you? the waiting is killing me; just do it so it can be done.’

and sy is…horrified. first of all nobody can make binghe do anything, right? and second of all is this what all the flirting was about?? it takes sy too long to answer and lbh gets upset and anxious and tries to initiate things right then. he kisses sy a few times but sy feels so uncomfortable that he puts a stop to things and is like ‘binghe you don’t even like men, stop, we don’t have to do anything i promise. not ever. i’m not gonna make you do something you don’t want to do?? obviously??’

this concept is…novel to lbh. not having to have sex when he doesn’t want or need to. having a spouse who doesn’t implicitly demand it of him. it’s so earth shattering he has a little cry about it, and he falls asleep in sy’s bed, being held and comforted by sy for the rest of the night.

i don’t want to work tomorrow i want to stay up until 5am thinking about gray ace luo bingge who receives shen yuan as a peace offering from cqms (meaning sy ran away himself in order to beg for his piece of shit ge’s life).

sy was binghe’s shifu, but after sqq threw lbh into the abyss sy (nearly died of grief-induced qi deviations again and again for almost a year) struggled to keep up with his responsibilities as a master of qjp. he wound up spending most of his time in the bamboo house or at the sword mound he’d built for zheng yang. sqq destroyed it once in a fit of rage and his didi didn’t speak to him for weeks.

when lbh arrives back on the scene and puts sqq on trial, sy seems to come back to life and rushes to meet him at huan hua. but it’s too late; sqq is in the water prison and the hhp disciples won’t let sy in since they see him as party to qjp’s abuse of lbh.

eventually one of the disciples gets so fed up with sy that they’re like ‘fucking fine, we’ll let you in and lbh will kill you and we’ll all be better for it.’ and instead lbh is terrified and elated at once. he treats sy as a guest of honor and bluntly deflects any inquiry after sqq.

eventually sy comes to the conclusion that his ge is dead and he’s like. he understands bc sqq was a piece of shit. but he’s also devastated bc sqq was the only family he had in the world. he transmigrated as a child shortly after the two of them were taken into the qius’ household, and he saw how the cruelty broke his brother down and hardened him. and he saw how his brother always had softness for him, even after that.

so he’s grieving his brother and lbh realizes that sy isn’t just giving him the silent treatment but is actually devastated, and he’s like ‘fine your shit brother is still alive in the water prison, now stop looking so miserable.’

sy begs binghe to send sqq to a regular prison or just to banish him or something —the water prison is just too cruel. and binghe decides that he’ll only let sqq go if sy stays. sy agrees at once (oh no i have to stick with the cool and interesting and handsome protag how horrible) and a few weeks later yqy is tearfully hauling a weak, hissing, snarling sqq back to cqms and leaving sy behind.

to get married.

he didn’t realize staying by lbh’s side meant marrying into the harem—he didn’t even know there was a harem yet??? but well. there are a few wives (maybe 20-35-ish) and now sy is among them.

[thebreakfastgenie]

Who do you think would have done worse if the other one had died in Korea, Hawkeye or Trapper?

This is a juicy question and I wanted to give it the proper consideration! After much pondering, I think my gut instinct was right.

I think Hawkeye would do worse while still in Korea. I think Trapper would do worse after he got home.

We see Hawkeye break down quite a few times in the course of the show. He's sensitive to the horror of it all and sometimes it overwhelms him. Losing Trapper would send him into a tailspin and Trapper is usually the one who pulls him out of it. He'd cry and drink and probably lose it for a few days. They'd probably call Sidney, as a friend as much as a psychiatrist. But Hawkeye actually knows how to cope with grief. Even when he breaks down in Sometimes You Hear the Bullet, he pulls it together pretty fast. He's also experienced. He may have lingering issues with his father's lack of communication about his mother's illness and death, but he seems to have fully processed it by the time we meet him. He's experienced with grief from a young age. Hawkeye's dad is portrayed as taciturn but emotionally intelligent and they have a warm, close relationship, so Hawkeye has at least some model for dealing with grief and he aso has support at home. I think the reality of existing in Korea without Trapper would compound the damage of Trapper's actual death. Hawkeye needs an improv partner. If BJ or someone came along I think it might take Hawkeye longer to warm up, but ultimately he'd give into his need for social support, and getting that need met would help him a lot. Either way, once he gets home the acute absence of Trapper would no longer be such a big problem and he'd process the grief and be able to move on with his life.

One of Trapper's strengths is his ability to compartmentalize to get through a crisis. Hawkeye's death would really shake him. He'd probably drink more, at least for a while, and I think he might withdraw a little bit. He'd be less friendly and outgoing and just have less fun because Hawkeye wasn't there to make him laugh. I don't think he'd make another close friend. He wouldn't be mean, but more focused on work, in survival mode. He'd probably keep going out with the nurses but I think it would become more physical and lose a lot of the playful romance because he just wouldn't have the energy. But he wouldn't have the luxury of breaking down, so he wouldn't. Until he got home and it all hit him, like how sometimes you get sick right after a period of high stress, because your body pours all its adrenaline into fighting it off until it's safe to be out of commission. I think he'd just kind of fall apart. Trapper also comes from a working class background where masculinity is a little bit restrictive and he'd be surrounded by people who weren't in Korea and didn't understand. I think Louise would try, but wouldn't really know how to help and Trapper wouldn't know how to be helped. I think he'd probably learn to deal with it eventually, but delaying the break until he got home would make him break that much harder.

Of course the only way to find out is to write both fics ;)

[strangerthings-haventhappened]

Batman x AFTG pt 2.

continuing on from this post

Neil uses the fact that he is from Gotham to explain away anything the team thinks is weird about him. Why does he have so many scars? Well this one on his ribs is from when he got mugged on his way home from school and the iron burn was from that time with the Riddler. The bullet wound? Did he ever tell you about how he met red hood? The foxes don't know that he is a Wayne and only know that he got adopted by someone he calls B and that he was homeless after his mom died. A lot of the weirdness about him is wayne weird not Gotham weird. The couple of other students who came from Gotham keep trying to tell people that he isn't normal for Gotham but nobody believes them.

When the monsters take him to the club and try to drug him he's very condescendingly like I'm from Gotham do you really think I'd have survived this long if I were that easy to drug? He leaves them there and walks/hitch hikes his way back to campus like in the books but this time in the dark. He gets back and everyone is panicking like Neil you could have died. Neil: why are you so worried there isn't even any real danger here and I had my weapons on me.

When they go on Kathy's show and he insults riko and everyone is like why would you do that he is going to kill you. Neil's response is to say riko is just a nepo baby throwing a tantrum he can't compare to the average Gotham goon much less the rouges. Neil will be fine.

Neil is fine. Seth is not.

After Seth dies Neil is like oh okay i guess I'm taking on the Moriamas. I was going to stay out of it but they just made it my problem. He knows that he could use the bat resources to get the adults arrested but he really wants to take down riko in the way that will hurt him the most. So obviously the foxes need to beat the ravens. He motivates and unites the team the same way he does in the books except this time he has his family helping him take down the rest of the family in the background and getting proof of everything that is happening in the nest.

Unfortunately the monsters go to see nicky's parents the same weekend that there is a major arkham breakout so they don't notice it's a set up in time. Fortunately Neil is a Wayne and he is able to make sure that Andrew is going to a good place where all the doctors have been thoroughly vetted so he doesn't get assaulted again. Neil because he is a martyr still goes to the nest over Christmas so that he can collect more evidence. Does riko know that Neil is Nathaniel or not i don't know that's up to you. What's important is that Neil and Jean bond and that Neil still gets a bit tortured. Dick and Jason are ready to storm the nest and kill everyone when they find out what happened. Neil gets back to palmetto and acts like what happened is fine because he has had worse. Allison is ready to help him with makeup to cover the bruises on his face but Neil tells her he can do it himself because it's not the first time he has had to cover up injuries like this.

The team had already thought that Neil's adopted family was abusive because he doesn't really talk about them much and he has all those scars. After Christmas in the nest they are convinced that they must be. But then some of his siblings show up (Jason and Duke as the ones least likely to be recognized as Wayne's) and they basically smother him and make sure he is taking care of himself. The foxes are so confused. Like sure Jason is weirdly violent about forcing the kid into self care and may have threatened Kevin for being the reason Neil got draged into all of this, but it doesn't seem like either of them would let their brother be abused. So why is Neil so cagey about his family and how does he keep ending up with such horrific injuries? The betting pool is getting intense because nobody can figure out what is going on.

Neil still ends up getting kidnapped just before spring break. He knows that he could probably keep them from taking him if he fought back immediately but he also knows that his teammates will get hurt if he does that so he lets his father's men lead him outside. It's not until the riot separates him from the rest of the foxes that he starts to fight and since he has vigilante training it's more effective than in the books but it's not enough. They end up drugging him which has the upside of meaning Lola doesn't spend the car ride torturing him since he's unconscious but downside is that he can't try to escape before they get to Nathan.

When Neil wakes up he is already in the basement chained to a chair. Nathan does the whole torture thing and Neil is trying to figure out the best way to get out and incapacitat Nathan and also if this justifies braking Bruce's no kill rule. Neil is morally fine with killing Nathan but he also realy doesn't want his real dad to be disappointed in him because Nathan isn't worth that. In the end it doesn't matter what he wants because uncle Stewart show up and kills Nathan for him.

When he is getting questioned by the cops Bruce shows up and demands that they let Neil go see his family and team. The cops try to argue that Bruce has no authority because technically he isn't Neil's dad since he was using a fake identity when he was adopted. It does not go well for the cops Bruce isn't going to let anyone sy that he isn't his kids dad especially not right after one of them has been tortured and needs to be with family.

Neil gets taken to the hotel where his team is waiting and Bruce and all of his siblings follow. Neil explains to the team about being Nathaniel and how he had been running from Nathan since he was ten and everything that came with that. He explains ending up in Gotham after his mom's death and how he ended up being taken in by Bruce when he was 14. He tells them that he kept quiet about being a Wayne because was worried that the media attention that would come with that would lead to Nathan finding him. The team understands but also they are tiny bit upset because none of them won any of the bets about his past or his family.

They go on their team vacation. Jean gets rescued from the ravens and Neil decides it's time to enact the final stage of operation take down riko. He and his family gather all of the evidence that they have on what's been going on in the nest and give it to their favorite reporter(Clark) so that an article revealing all the abuse and the police cover ups and everything gets released just before the championship game starts. Neil has full faith in the teams ability to beat the ravens and he knows that riko will be upset enough about loosing that he won't be able to even try to cover up the article. Neil expects that when riko is asked about the article right after the ravens loose he won't be able to hide his hatred and violence. Neil does not expect riko to try to murder him on national t.v. before he even finds out about the article. Andrew saves him and hey it got the point across so he counts it as a win.

The Moriamas are scrambling trying to do damage control knowing that they won't he able to use the ravens as a front for their illegal activity anymore. They try to use the whole Kevin, Jean, and Neil are Moriama property thing to regain control and Neil tells icharo that he was able to do this much damage to the family's business in only a few months and that he won't stop until either they let him Kevin and Jean go completely or he has destroyed their entire operation and the family has nothing left. Icharo tries to call Neil's bluff at first but Neil reminds him there is a reason their organization has never even tried to touch Gotham. In the end all three boys end up free to heal and live their lives completely free of mafia ties. Neil tells Kevin and Jean that if they have any issues in the future to let him know and he can call someone to deal with it.

The foxes + Jean all end the series a little bit happier and a lot more scared of Neil than they originally did, but it works out.