#and all Ed does is drag Scar's fashion choices

[scarwasright]

Fullmetal Alchemist (2003) Special Edition guidebook transcript, including Ed’s decoded notes

What it says on the label. The Blu-Ray special edition of FMA 03 came with a ton of cool shit, including a hardcover artbook with the character profiles originally from the DVD booklets as well as some other, “handwritten” notes from Edward. Since I know not a lot of fans got their hands on this set, I promised a WHILE ago that I would transcribe it! Someday I’ll have scans, but I don’t have access to a scanner atm.

I’ll be listing the character notes by 3 categories: Profile Text, Edward’s Notes, and Edward’s Coded Notes.

Profile Text- the brief character blurbs that were already published in the DVD guidebooks that came out in Funimation’s original localization. Most recurring characters got one.

Edward’s Notes- The book’s title page indicates that it was issued by the Amestrian State Military, and that it belongs to Ed. Little handwritten notes, presumably from Ed, are scattered throughout the character profiles. Some are silly, some are... very not silly.

Edward’s Coded Notes- Some of Ed’s notes are written in a very simple code that replaces the English characters with symbols. It’s straightforward enough that I was able to break it in about an hour - I posted a key over here.

Not included in this text are the image captions associated with the characters’ model drawings, since they don’t make any sense without context. Stuff like “Al age 7, Ed age 8.” There are also many artist notes in Japanese, and I am anything but a Japanese speaker, so no luck there.

Fair warning, there are Royed, Royai, and if you squint, Edvy jokes in the coded text. I’m just writing what’s in the book.

Full transcript behind the cut!

THE TITLE PAGE indicates that the book is military-issued, and Edward has signed his full name on it. The following page is printed with a torn page from a smaller, obviously older book. In ornate letters, it reads the verse that was written in part in the Transmutation Circle the boys tried to use to bring back Trisha:

Pale and black with false citrine, imperfect white and red, The Peacock's feathers in gay colours, the rainbow which shall go over, The spotted panther, the lion green, the Crows bill blue as lead. These shall appear before you perfect white, and many more others. And after the perfect white, grey, false citrine also, And after these, there shall appear the red body invariable, Then you have a medicine of the third order of his own kind multipliable. 

Edward’s Coded Notes: Written into the margins of the “original” military book, “Sir George Ripley,” with an arrow pointing to the pressed page. Along the side margin, he’s written “thhe* recapitulation of thhe* twelve gates.”

Explanation: Sir George Ripley is a famous British alchemist whose verse appears on this page. The full transcript of the poem Edward pasted in his book can be found here! It is also, notably, the incantation recited by Eckhart in Conqueror of Shamballa when she sought to open the Gate using Envy.

       *Two people seem to have worked on the coded notes, one on the title and transmutation circle pages and the other on the character pages. The handwriting is a bit different, and the title+circle pages are noticeably sloppier than the character pages as far as adhering to the cipher goes. The symbol used for TH in the character pages is used only for a T which is followed by an H on the title pages. In the character pages the standalone H character is absent when the TH character is used, so the inconsistency makes for an obviously unintentional duplicate on the title page.

Edward’s Notes: There are twelve tally marks in the margin of this page, as well as some scribbled equations that are difficult to make out. Ed has awful handwriting.

EDWARD ELRIC

Profile Text: Edward Elric is the Fullmetal Alchemist. He is a prodigy, becoming the youngest State Alchemist in the Army’s history. Edward stunned his superiors by using alchemy without an array, a miraculous feat never witnessed before. Ed despises being a “dog of the military,” but it grants him the opportunity to seek out the legendary Philosopher’s Stone, a crimson crystal rumored to increase the power of the alchemist who uses it.

Edward seeks the stone so that he may restore his missing limbs, and more importantly reunite his younger brother Alphonse’s body with his soul, which was tragically trapped in a suit of armor after a failed attempt through alchemy to revive the dead Trisha Elric, the boys’ mother. Edward realizes he has a gift, a gift that most State Alchemists could only dream of having. But he knows that with that gift he becomes a high profile target.

As Edward reluctantly fights off a crazed assassin who vows revenge on all State Alchemists, Edward begins to unravel the clues that reveal not all is as it seems at the highest levels of the State Military. And, that there is a terrible secret behind the precious Philosopher’s Stone.

ALPHONSE ELRIC

Profile Text: Alphonse Elric was but an innocent young child when a tragic chain of events changed his life forever. First, his father mysteriously vanished while Al was too young to remember. Then, after battling terrible illness, Al’s mother succumbed to death. Finally, during a horrific accident performing forbidden alchemy, Al’s soul was sealed inside a suit of armor.

Undaunted and unashamed by all that has happened in his short life, Al carries on, eternally supporting his older brother, Edward, in his search for the Philosopher’s Stone, a legendary gem with the power to restore Al’s body and Edward’s lost limbs. Al knows that he and his brother’s actions were wrong. He only wishes for a chance to make things right.

Edward’s Notes: In smudged, barely-legible pencil, “Brother, don’t sell me short!” (thank u @gryphcat cross-referencing your own book to confirm that it does NOT say “Brother, don’t call me short!”)

Also notable is the circled “???” with an arrow pointing to that adorable picture of young Al enthusiastically ripping off his shirt.

Edward’s Coded Notes: FYI, there isn’t anything under the loincloth, [indecipherable*]!

       *I think the letters were flubbed a bit, here. The characters read “[y/i]n[u/v][f/p]er[u/v]s.” I get the feeling it was supposed to say “Impervious!” buuuut someone messed up.

HOHENHEIM ELRIC

Profile Text: Supposedly lost to the ages, Hohenheim Elric, the father of the brothers Elric was close at hand after all, lurking in the shadows of history as the momentum of the search for the Philosopher’s Stone reached fever pitch. Hohenheim reappears in Resembool allowing the final pieces of this mad puzzle to begin falling into place, as he bears the secrets of the Philosopher’s Stone in his weary heart... A heart beaten down by lost love, a heart full of loyalty to his boys*. Destiny has delivered Hohenheim to a crucial point, a spot in time when all that is good prepares to unravel. Perhaps he will be strong enough to move forward and rise above his shady pas, nad push his shoulder against the wheel of fate that threatens to crush all he ever cared for.

       *We watched two very different series, apparently

Edward’s Coded Notes: That bastard [arrow pointing to his portrait]

TRISHA ELRIC (who shares a page with Hohenheim)

Edward’s Coded Notes: Why did they both have to die?

ROY MUSTANG

Profile Text: Roy Mustang is the Flame Alchemist and a veteran of many brutal battles. He personally knew Edward and Alphonse’s father, which sparked his curiosity once he discovered that Hohenheim’s sons were dabbling in alchemical arts. Mustang is eager to climb the ladder of success and hopes that discovering the immense talent within Edward helps him ascend the ranks. Still, Mustang’s soldiers are the most loyal in all of the State Army, insinuating that there is more to this man than his thirst for power.

Edward’s Coded Notes: Roy Mustang is dead sexy in a miniskirt!* [T]ake that [y]ou smug [b]astard!** Why does he have to be so attractive

       *Most likely a reference to an old convention gag. Back when FMA was big enough that it had dedicated cast panels, fans would almost always ask Vic Mignogna to say this line.

       **The bracketed letters are cut off, but it’s fairly easy to assume what they are given the context.

RIZA HAWKEYE

Profile Text: Riza Hawkeye is quite possibly the most perfect model of a soldier in the State Army. Although Hawkeye is Roy Mustang’s subordinate, she is also his right hand woman, acting as an advisor and, based on the circumstance, devil’s advocate. Her no-nonsense attitude demands respect from everyone she meets, military and civilian alike. She is cool, calm, and collected, and exceptionally skilled in the use of firearms.

Edward’s Coded Notes: [bridging the gap between Roy and Riza’s facing pages, underlined with an arrow] Just get married already!

MAES HUGHES

Profile Text: Maes Hughes is a Lieutenant Colonel in the Investigations Division of the State Army. Hughes is obsessively in love with his wife Gracia, and only child Elicia, who from birth shares a strange connection with Ed and Al. Hughes is friendly and extremely casual, sometimes to a fault. He can quickly lapse back and forth between discussing State matters and going on and on about his family. As a high-ranking official in the Investigations Division, Hughes is privy to plenty of top-secret info, which he shares with Ed on the sly. When Hughes is nudged into physical combat, his weapons of choice are small throwing knives, which he wields with incredible and deadly accuracy.

Edward’s Notes: [slightly obscured by water damage] I’m sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen

ALEX LOUIS ARMSTRONG

Profile Text: Major Alex Louis Armstrong was given strict orders from Mustang to protect Ed. But, don’t let his civilian clothes fool you. With his strapping build and gutsy bravado, this Strong Arm Alchemist will give his life to ensure he completes his mission successfully. If on thing’s for certain, Armstrong will make sure that Ed’s within arm’s protection.

This straight and narrow man won’t even give Ed as much as a loss in an argument. He’d rather use his genteel decorum to kill improper manners with his heroic kindness. Even during their down time in Resembool, there’s not a moment to lose. Armstrong is committed to his life as a soldier, and knows daily training is essential - even if that means cutting firewood with his bare hands.

Edward’s Notes: [circled] Why are there so many sparkles?!!

JEAN HAVOC, HEYMANS BREDA, VATO FALMAN, KAIN FUERY

Profile Text: In a world where loyalties change with the tides, good subordinates are a premium. Roy Mustang has this luxury with Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Fuery. These four loyal officers will do anything their commander requests of them and do it well, to boot. However, these four couldn’t be more different. Havoc is the tragic playboy of the group, always wishing he had that special someone to share the rest of his days. Breda may be called a “dog of the military” from time to time, but Breda would rather stare down an entire army than get anywhere near a real dog. Falman is overly formal, causing some of his comrades to wish he would lighten up. Fuery is the soft-spoken technical wizard under Mustang’s command. He isn’t used to much hand-to-hand combat, but is handy enough in a pinch. As with all of Mustang’s men, these four would follow him until death.

DENNY BLOCH AND MARIA ROSS

Profile Text: Abrasive in demeanor, Lieutenant Maria Ross is always determined to do the right thing. Sometimes, she has trouble distinguishing between her actual duties and the chance to deliver a lecture. Sergeant Denny Bloch, along with Lieutenant Ross, was given the responsibility to keep the Fullmetal Alchemist under close supervision. Regardless, they fall behind when danger approaches.

Edward’s Coded Notes: Watch out for her slap!

IZUMI CURTIS

Profile Text: The stern Izumi Curtis is more than just an alchemy teacher to the Elric brothers. As the passionate matriarch of a two-person family, Ed and Al may be the closest thing she’ll ever have to children. Resurfacing after hearing rumors about her former pupils, it is quite possible Izumi may know more than she lets on about the true nature of alchemy and the sinister homunculi.

Edward’s Coded Notes: [circled] She always looks like a pissed off housewife!

SCIESZKA

Profile Text: Scieszka is the prototypical, scatterbrained librarian. With her impeccable retention of facts, the clues that others miss quickly slide into place for this unlikely hero. Hopefully, her pleas for justice will not fall on deaf ears.

Edward’s Notes: [circled, pointing to Scieszka’s distressed portrait] Did they run out of books?

ROSE

Profile Text: The once vibrant Rose has wilted due to a hard life of tragedy and turmoil. After suffering the harshest of injustices at the hands of the State Military, Rose finds herself a mute and a mother... The mother of an infant, and the mother of a movement. Now the spiritual leader of the Liore revolutionaries and advised by the ever-present Lyra, Rose must struggle to lead her people to peace. With her beloved Liore in the crosshairs, she can only hope to find her voice in time to half the demise of everything she cared for.

Edward’s Notes: “You’ve got a good, strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them.”

RUSSEL & FLETCHER TRINGHAM

Edward’s Notes: Ed himself has drawn in the boys’ transmutation circle for plants, and has labeled it as such. He has also sketched one of their flasks and written next to it “For red water?”

Edward’s Coded Notes: Why is he so tall?!!

#48 & #66

Edward’s Notes: He has drawn the Slicer Brothers’ blood seals and labeled them. The secret behind Lab 5... ???

Edward’s Coded Notes: Prisoners!

FRANK ARCHER

Profile Text: His heart as cold as his flesh is pale, Frank Archer is willing to embrace corruption for a cause... especially if the cause is blatant self-promotion. Looking to bolster his reputation by crushing a revolt in Liore, Archer sets fate in motion with little regard for anything other than pleasing himself and the Fuhrer. His lust for war and his hunt for the infamous Scar may cloud his vision, however, as he potentially confuses sacrifice for suicide.

Edward’s Coded Notes: You [m]ight want [s]ome [s]unscreen* [indicating the image of his mech form] The Terminator?

ZOLF J KIMBLEY

Edward’s Coded Notes: Mullet?!

SHOU TUCKER

Profile Text: Shou Tucker earned the title Sewing Life Alchemist thanks in large part to his masterful work creating Chimeras for the State. In fact, Tucker was the first alchemist to produce a Chimera capable of speaking and understanding the human language. Tucker is a man with incredible brilliance and immense talent. The irony is that he can create life, but that his own is being controlled is not lost upon Shou Tucker. With his execution staged by the Military, Tucker has spent all of his time devoted to research and experimentation, with one purpose in mind: bring back the daughter he once readily destroyed.

Edward’s Notes: Because we’re not Gods, we’re humans, tiny insignificant humans. Who couldn’t even save a little girl...

Edward’s Coded Notes: I’ll never forgive that bastard.

SCAR

Profile Text: Like Ed, Scar is able to use alchemy without a transmutation circle. Scar both hates and embraces his “curse.” He has a special grudge against State Alchemists because of past atrocities towards his homeland of Ishbal. The Ishbal Massacre was a vicious military offensive against Ishbal due to conflicting doctrines because the citizens would not put aside their traditional beliefs and embrace alchemy. Scar believes his god has instilled in him the right to kill State Alchemists at will for what they have done to his people. He truly believes his cause is righteous, no matter what it takes. 

Edward’s Coded Notes: [indicating Scar’s hair] Frosted tips are over, dude... Those glasses are so dated...

LUST

Profile Text: The beautiful homunculus Lust desires to become human through the massive power of the Philosopher’s Stone. She dreams of finally finding out who she really is inside, and to discover what will happen to her after death. These are all very human traits for a being that supposedly has no soul. Lust uses any means necessary to traverse the dilemmas of her existential crisis... She is able to corrupt the minds of the weak, forcing them to follow her every whim. Like Scar and Ed, the gorgeous and sad Lust is traveling down the same whirlpool of misery and darkness that sucks away all who quest for the Philosopher’s Stone.

Edward’s Notes: [smudged, almost beyond legibility] I just hope Havoc doesn’t meet her... Edward has drawn an arrow from Lust’s locket to Scar with ???, as well as a two-way arrow between the facing pages with the writing What’s their connection?

Edward’s Coded Notes: Maybe she and Roy* should go on a date with Roy* - I heard she’s a real screamer**

       *Another seeming typo.

       **Probably a reference to Laura Bailey’s marriage to Travis Willingham, as they play Lust and Roy in the English dub. Roy is responsible for Lust’s death in the manga and second anime, and she does not go quietly.

GLUTTONY

Profile Text: Loyal homunculus companion to Lust, Gluttony, eater of anything, might be the saddest example of the cruel nature of the hunt for the Philosopher’s Stone. Simple and savage, Gluttony operates at once like a child and an animal, a creature of pure instant satisfaction. He simply knows one thing: Hunger. Not for power of prestige, but only to satisfy his reason to be... this only adds to the wretchedness of his tragic existence.

Edward’s Notes: I-DCCC-DCCI-VM?*

       *I have absolutely no idea what this is in reference to, so if anyone knows, I would LOVE an answer.

ENVY

Profile Text: Envy is one of the homunculi, a group of pseudo-humans whose creation is still an enigma. Some say they were created in a lab. Others believe they’ve always been among us. But no matter where they came from, their intention are nothing but evil. Envy has the ability to become a perfect physical replica of whomever he or she desires. Envy is without gender. In fact, Envy’s mind is so far gone that he or she can’t remember who he or she used to be. Envy’s power is truly amazing.

The shape-shifting homunculi Envy could be anyone, utilizing the ability to take on the physical appearance of any being at will. Envy will morph into a stranger behind you in a smokey cafe, or the trusted ally that works with you to uncover corruption and twisted abuses of power, or even your loving spouse. And beneath the familiar surface pure evil waits. Never turn your back on Envy. Even after you’ve slit the creature’s throat.

Edward’s Notes: Areca triandea Phoenix canariensis, Ceros nucifera Sabal minor Syogrus romanzoffiana* [next to this, Edward drew a little palm tree with a ?]

       *the binomial nomenclature for a queen palm tree

Edward’s Coded Notes: I’m not into palm trees

GREED

Profile Text: A thick-skinned enigma even among the mysterious homunculi, Greed wants it all... money, power, women, and the greatest prize of all: eternal life. Greed leads a band of outlaw chimeras and instructs his freakish minions to kidnap Alphonse Elric, believing the young alchemist is the key to the door of immortality. Headed for a brutal showdown, Ed will test the homunculus’ reputation as the Ultimate Shield. In return, Greed will test every notion Ed ever held to be true and real.

Edward’s Notes: [smudged] I wonder why Dante made him...

SLOTH

Profile Text: Draped in the appearance of the late Trisha Elric*, the water abomination Sloth was created on that fateful night of lost innocence; the night when the Elric brothers first set out in search of the Philosopher’s Stone. After being nursed and groomed by Dante and Pride, and her involvement in the slaughter of Maes Hughes, she is forced to confront Ed and Al. While cursing them for her fate, Sloth’s seemingly maternal memories and longings may provide the homunculus with her downfall... nothing in the universe is more resilient than a mother’s love. Something stirs in Sloth, where a soul once rested.

Edward’s Notes: [a two-way arrow, pointing from Sloth’s name to hand-written Juliet Douglas] [*above this line in her bio, Ed has aggressively written NO!]

Edward’s Coded Notes: [circled, with an arrow indicating the bio] She is not my mother!!!

WRATH

Profile Text: The homunculus Wrath might be the most mysterious of all the dark creatures. A volatile combination of childlike mischief and soulless evil, Wrath was discovered on a treacherous island by the Elrics and their teacher Izumi. Timid at first, Wrath’s demeanor soon shifts as layer upon layer of intrigue is peeled away, uncovering a core of supernatural madness. Able to perform alchemy, at times even in ways that Fullmetal himself doesn’t understand, it becomes clear that Wrath is a monster. His connection to Ed and Al’s teacher could provide answers to questions that are too shocking to ask.* Suspicious of the boy, Ed will give an arm and a leg to uncover the truth about the wild child.

Edward’s Coded Notes: [with an arrow pointing from the bio text Ed has underlined] It’s hers!

KING BRADLEY (PRIDE)

Profile Text: The Fuhrer King Bradley commands both the State Government and the State Army making him seemingly the most powerful man in the entire world. Known as one of the most cunning and vicious warriors in history, the homunculus Pride, the Fuhrer himself, has orchestrated countless bloody conflicts in his search for the Philosopher’s Stone. Calm, cool, collected and created by Dante... Bradley moves his pieces into striking range. Is it possible, though, that the Ultimate Eye is blind to his own role as a pawn in someone else’s sinister plot?

Edward’s Notes: He’s a homunculus that can age?!!

Edward’s Coded Notes: How did no one figure it out?!!

DANTE

Profile Text: Dante’s actions, her attempts to control the uncontrollable and manipulate innocence, have carried her through the centuries with a singular goal... immortality. At times seemingly aligned with the powers of good, while dipping her toes into the red pool of evil, Dante’s path has been one clouded by murky intentions. At the end of the quest for the Philosopher’s Stone, as all of the players look up past the strings that carried them through this desperate dance, whose face will they see?

Edward’s Notes: an arrow connects Dante’s name with Lyra, which is circled

Edward’s Coded Notes: So glad she isn’t my mom!

After the character pages, there are four pages of alchemic arrays. The writing here gets really vague, as all of it is written in Ed’s code and there are many mistakes.

The Thule Society’s array has a four letter word with an exclamation point that begins with NA, followed by the character for X and a sloppy character that is probably I/Y but looks more like a J. There are no other instances of a Z to confirm, but I think X and Z may be the same character, and it was intended to say “NAZI!”

Majahal’s array is noted with I wonder what happened to Lebi? This probably refers to Carin, Lebi being the name she took on after forgetting her past. This, too, is a bit confusing because the I/Y character also looks like a J.

Trisha’s human transmutation circle just says Sorry Mom I’m sorry...

The circle for the Underground City is noted with To open the Gate?

The Grand Arcanum Philosipher’s Stone circle is labeled “Ishbalan?” and Ed has circled it.

AND THAT IT’S FOR THE NOTES, hopefully this is of some value to... someone out there, lmao.

[oldvillagecrone]

IT’S GONNA TAKE A LOT TO DRAG ME AWAY FROM YOU

Pairing: Reddie with background Stenbrough and Mike/Ben + lesbian!Bev

Word Count: 1904

Prompt: modern, college, soulmate au

Warning: mention of childhood abuse (but only in the past – not major theme)

Dedication: my faves in the loser club gc !!!!

__________

 Eddie Kaspbrak had a full ride to UMAINE. It wasn’t because his grades were ridiculously amazing ( though he was in the honors program, so his grades definitely helped ) but because of his rather unfortunate situation. The full ride came because of his independent student status, because he wasn’t living at home, because his mother was ruled unfit to take care of him for numerous reasons that would leave him forever scarred. From the time Eddie was fifteen, he was living under the roof of his best friend Stan’s house.

Eddie loved Mr. and Mrs. Uris. They took care of him and asked for nothing in return. They didn’t even force Eddie to go to the Synagogue with them; those few trips before ultimately deciding that religion wasn’t for him had been Eddie’s choice.

Despite their anxieties, Eddie and Stan had decided it would be best for them not to room together. Eddie’s roommate was an attractive, tall boy that looked as though he’d be the perfect actor to play a leading role in a romance film. Mike Hanlon was a football player and a History major, but Eddie didn’t care about all of that. What he cared about was the fact that Mike wasn’t a homophobic dick.

The first night at UMAINE, while they spent their day unpacking and organizing, Mike asked Eddie the question Eddie had been dreading his whole life.

“Have you met your soulmate yet?”

Eddie snorted bitterly, thinking of what an asshole his soulmate must be. Because every god damn day, the words to All Star by Smash Mouth went blaring through his head, meaning his soulmate must have been listening to that god forsaken Shrek song. Why couldn’t he have a soulmate like Stan’s who quietly sang Ed Sheeran and John Mayer in the mornings and night in a sweet voice.

And the things Eddie knew about his soulmate didn’t make him feel all that inclined to meeting the bastard. For example, he knew that at the age of twelve his soulmate tried to smoke in order to look cool ( Eddie hated that ). Eddie also knew that when his soulmate was sixteen, he got punched in the face by a senior for mouthing off. Eddie knew that his soulmate was a complete trashmouth that was constantly looking for trouble, and that was something Eddie didn’t want. He didn’t need trouble. He didn’t have room for it in his life.

“No,” Eddie finally answered, biting down on the inside of his cheek. “What about you?”

“Yeah,” Mike said, his smile stretching across the span of his face. His dark eyes sparkled with utter happiness that made Eddie melt a little. “He, uh, his name is Ben and he’s an architect major.”

He. Instantly, every ounce of worry and doubt were gone from Eddie’s body. He beamed at Mike.

“That’s awesome, Mike!” Eddie said happily. “I’d love to meet him.”

Before Mike could respond, there was an angry hammering at the door.

“EDDIE!” Stan’s voice yelled.

Eddie and Mike shared a grimace. Mike, being closer, opened the door and Stan came stomping in, absolutely red in the face.

“I’m gonna kill him,” Stan seethed, fists balled at his sides.

“Who?”

“My roommate!” Stan exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. “He’s messy, he’s loud, he’s obnoxious— completely unorganized— it’s just awful, Eddie!”

“I’m sorry?” Eddie said.

He wasn’t really sure how to fix Stan’s problem. He wasn’t even sure if he could fix Stan’s problem.

“I needed to get out,” Stan groaned. He gestured loosely to Eddie’s bed. “Can I sit?”

“Knock yourself out,” Eddie said, holding back a small grin as he looked at Mike. “Mike, this is Stan. Stan, this is Mike.”

Both boys said ‘hi’ at the same time and offered the same brand of awkward smiles. After a moment, Mike clapped his hands together and offered to order a pizza.

 __

 Mike’s soulmate, Ben, had been in Eddie’s English class. Ben was a polite kid, quiet and very cute. Despite only having known them for a very short time, Eddie could tell that Ben and Mike were kind of perfect for each other. In Eddie’s math theory class ( the class for all the kids that hated math took and only took because it was a requirement they had to fill ), there was a vibrant girl named Bev with short cropped hair and a backpack decorated with all kinds of political and pride buttons. As the professor droned on and on, Bev told Eddie all about the pride club she had been a part of at her high school back in Portland.

After the day ended, Eddie and Mike made their way into the cafeteria. Ben was waiting for them by the front door and greeted the two with a smile before placing a small kiss on Mike’s cheek. Eddie watched the two interact with a soft smile on his lips, wishing more than anything for something like that someday soon.

Bev’s vibrant orange hair stuck out in the crowd. Grinning, Eddie called her name and waved her over to the table he was sitting at with Mike and Ben.

“Hey, Eddie,” Bev said. She winked at Ben as she pulled out a chair and dropped her body into it. “How was your day?”

“Pretty good. What about you?”

“I was hoping the fashion department would be… more. You know?”

As a matter of fact, Eddie didn’t know. But he nodded anyway. And, anyways, he was more distracted by Stan walking and talking with a very tall, very attractive boy with sandy brown hair and bright blue eyes wearing a purple and white baseball style shirt. Eddie caught Stan’s eyes and wiggled his eyebrows. Stan flushed and glared at Eddie before mumbling something to the boy. The two approached the table and sat down.

“Bill!” Bev cried happily, greeting the attractive boy with a grin as he sat down next to Stan.

“B-bev, hey,” Bill said, smiling.

“I’m never gonna give you up / never gonna let you down / never gonna run around and / desert you”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Eddie groaned, kneading at his temples with his knuckles.

“What?” Mike asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I’m getting rickrolled by my freaking soulmate!”

Stan snorted and smirked at Eddie teasingly.

“Does th-thu-that happen off-f-often?” Bill asked Eddie, sounding genuinely curious.

“Way too often,” Eddie huffed. “And he has a good voice too, which makes the whole thing even more annoying.” Eddie rolled his eyes up to the heavens and sighed. “What about you two—” he gestured to Bev and Bill “—what are your soulmates like?”

“She sings a lot of Hayley Kiyoko,” Bev said with a wistful smile. “She’s a history major at BC and she’ll be wearing black high tops when I meet her.”

“That’s adorable,” Eddie couldn’t help but gush. “What about you, Bill?”

“He s-sings a lot of indie m-music,” Bill said. “And he l-l-luh-likes birds.”

Instantly, Eddie and Stan looked at each other, eyes wide. Sure, there were a lot of boys that liked indie music and birds, but it seemed a little too convenient. If Eddie were a betting man, he would’ve bet a million dollars on Stan being Bill’s soulmate. Stan gave Eddie a warning look, so Eddie kept his mouth shut and quickly typed out a text to Stan under the table.

Just then, a loud voice filled the air.

“Bevvie! Big Bill! Stan the Man!”

Eddie watched as Stan’s soul practically died as a tall, gangly boy with dark curls and thickly framed glasses approached the table. This must’ve been the roommate. Well, in any case, Stan’s roommate was hot.

Eddie’s phone buzzed in his pocket.

FROM STAN: I’m gonna kermit

Eddie snorted quietly and looked up at Stan, rolling his eyes. Stan’s roommate pulled up a chair, forcing himself between Bev and Bill, and began talking loudly and animatedly.

FROM STAN: I pity the poor soul that ends up with him

This time, Eddie laughed loudly. All eyes at the table were on him. His face burned.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Funny text.”

“Wowzah,” Stan’s roommate said in a funny voice. “Nice to meet’cha, gorgeous. I’m Richie.”

Richie stuck his hand out for Eddie to shake. Eddie hesitated. Even though he hadn’t seen her in three years, his mother’s voice was still screaming in his head about the dangers of germs and bacteria and other people. Bile surged in his throat, a nasty reminder of the sicknesses he supposedly had and the pills that had been forced down his throat in a number of different ways.

Stan was watching Eddie carefully, ready to pounce on Richie if Eddie even began to remotely break down in microscopic ways.

Instead, Eddie smiled and shook Richie’s hand.

“I’m Eddie.”

 __

 To Stan’s shock and annoyance, Eddie and Richie became fast friends. They spent a ridiculous amount of time together. While everyone else in their friend group had assumed Eddie’s presence would have calmed Richie down, they were bitterly wrong. The two boys egged each other on, growing exceedingly rowdy in each other’s presence.

On the outside, Eddie was as put together as Stan, but on the inside he was quite similar to Richie. Eddie Kaspbrak was a genuine hot mess, and Richie Tozier brought out the messiest side of him. While a hindrance to Stan’s sanity, Eddie found Richie to be freeing.

One chilly October night, while Mike was out of the room, Eddie and Richie were huddled together on Eddie’s best, sipping out of a bottle of cheap vodka Richie had conned a senior into buying for them.

“Tell me about your soulmate, Eddie Spaghetti,” Richie requested.

Richie’s glasses weren’t on his face and Eddie wasn’t quite sure where they had ended up. All Eddie could focus on was how close Richie was, and how little he cared about the germs he was picking up from sipping from the same bottle as Richie.

“He’s annoying,” Eddie said, frowning. “He sings stupid songs and gets punched because he doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut.”

“Sounds like me,” Richie said, grinning obnoxiously at Eddie and leaning in.

Eddie scoffed. I wish.

“Tell me about yours,” Eddie said.

“He’s sings a lot of eighties music and pop. He’s a real dweeb too, you know? A genuine hypochondriac! This morning, oh, this was great—this morning I woke up because he was singing Africa. IT’S GONNA TAKE A LOT TO TAKE ME AWAY FROM YOU!” Richie crooned, leaning into Eddie.

Eddie felt his face burn. He was singing that song this morning, and pissing Mike off as he did so. Suddenly, he felt painfully sober. His mouth was dry and his throat was uncharacteristically sore.

“I— I— I— Rich—”

“Get on with it, Eds!” Richie moaned, slopping some of the vodka out of the bottle.

“I was singing Africa this morning,” Eddie said.

Nothing else mattered in the world, because Richie’s lips were soon sloppily pressed to his. The bottle crashed to the floor and the scent of vodka filled the air but Eddie couldn’t bring himself to care about that ( or the germs ) as his lips worked against Richie’s. In the morning, Eddie decided, he would throttle Richie for singing so many meme songs. But for now, in this perfect moment of drunken first kisses, Eddie didn’t want to talk.

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