#and afterwards she was like “oh ray was so calm and collected!” no bitch ray literally didn't care. ray was fucking annoyed by you

[binch-i-might-be]

saw a helicopter in a show just now and it awakened a memory within me

you see when I was 15 my mother, brother, and I went to Iceland on vacation (this was allegedly my idea which does sound like me but I have no memory of bringing it up) and my mother, despite having a crippling fear of heights and flying (to the point of knocking herself out for every flight) booked a scenic helicopter tour.

she, of course, immediately had a massive panic attack! and 15 year old me did not react to this even a little bit. I was like "well that's not my beer" and just looked out the window, listening to the pilot desperately trying to engage my mother in conversation so she wouldn't idk, Perish. I think my brother handled it? I was literally not paying attention

afterwards she asked me why I didn't respond to anything the pilot asked and I was like "???? I thought he was talking to you. due to your. Fit"

anyway the point of this anecdote from my youth is yet again "how do I still not have a proper autism diagnosis almost ten years later"