#and after i did it Evy goes 'hm. i am feeling very upset as Brenda and like shaken. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

giantkillerjack · 11 months ago

Text

He deserves to suffer. But please keep in mind what being around him and actively trying to push him will do to YOU. Because you, in fact, deserve peace, healing, boundaries, joy, and acceptance MORE than he deserves to suffer.

Keep an eye on your heartrate; sometimes mine is the only way I can tell I'm pushing myself too far.

Stay safe. Making a homophobe upset doesn't matter as much as your safety.

You don't owe anyone your time or health for Christmas. You deserve a holiday that doesn't make you feel like shit.

Because even if he suffers, it sounds like he will not change. And perhaps we are different people (and I certainly don't claim to know you or your family and you can do whatever you want)... but that lack of change would make me feel like shit after the first 20 triumphant minutes or so. And then I'd wonder why I am not spending my time off with people who actually like me.

Your spite is justified. your anger and bitterness are justified. Your actions would be justified. And you should definitely still do it if it will be empowering for you.

Just know that you deserve a holiday that is easy and fun, and consider whether a violently queerphobic reaction from your parent is going to better or worsen your health. Because you deserve health.

Hey so my homophobic, sexist and overall cringe biological dad is coming over for christmas and i will be extra gay and give him a heart attack. He doesnt know im trans, that i changed my name etc. because frankly i dont care about him enough to tell him.

But when he comes over i will be so so so gay. Im talking wearing a dress, nail polish, makeup and all the good stuff. I wanna see him suffer. No, not spiteful at all

#original #one time my friend Evy did something for me that i am very grateful for #they offered to play the role of my former boss so i could act out the interaction i had in my head that played constantly in my head #in which I'd run into her and tell her exactly what kind of hell she put me through #and after i did it Evy goes 'hm. i am feeling very upset as Brenda and like shaken.#'but i don't feel like it has changed who i am at the core of my character.'#and it blew my MIND because it was cathartic to speak my thoughts #but so disappointing to reckon with the fact that my little revenge would have changed nothing.#but it helped me move on a bit from imagining making her suffer emotionally for what she'd done.#homophobia cw #abuse cw #the other times I've worked on revenge I sent screenshots of incriminating texts from my abuser to hundreds of his Facebook friends #i also tried to take him to court and failed. i don't necessarily REGRET doing these things.#but i don't think it's a coincidence that after doing them i ended up in an intensive outpatient program for 5 months #just be careful. please. and you can let me know if this has been an inappropriate addition.#this'll be my first xmas without my biological family and I'm wicked in my own feels about it #so i won't rule out the possibility that i am projecting #but even though I'm sad i have to put up boundaries to limit my family's access to me i regret it not at all #xmas with my wife and dog and NO new trauma or retraumatization is anticipated sounds nice actually #and it sits comfortably in my head rather than hanging over it #'I sat with anger long enough that she told me her real name was grief.'

1K notes · View notes