#and after edwina manages to calm him

[claudiaeparvier]

One complaint I have with Queen Charlotte is we never got to see when George started calling her ‘Lottie’.

[newtonsheffield]

I have to admit, I was one of those that never voted for “Mile High,” but boy, oh, boy, did I miss the mark! This might be my favorite Anthony and that’s saying a lot after “Bruises” and “If the shoe fits…” I just love this compulsive, overthinking with a side of self doubt Anthony. He’s SO endearing💞I can relate to him. And, isn’t this what we’re all after, someone like Kate (whether via friendship, love or both)to come along and love us not in spite of, but because of our quirks & insecurities! The imperfections that make us perfect for those special somebody’s❣️

I’m so glad it’s winning you over!

It wasn’t a super popular idea, I know that, but I think there’s definitely something very human about this Kate and Anthony. Kate’s entire life’s been turned upside down after leaving the RAF and she’s just trying to find her feet and Anthony’s struggling with the fact that after the accident where his father died, he can’t control everything.

They’re both exactly what the other needs. Kate’s like a fucking hurricane, upsetting the delicate balance of Anthony’s entire life. She never puts her things away. She always leaves her coffee mug on the left side of the bed (That he tries not to think of as her side). Her bras are always just thrown off and she never neatly hangs up her pyjamas. It’s infuriating. And yet, it’s the darndest thing. When he pinches the bridge of her nose as he looks at her suitcase, felt open, shoes and stockings and toiletries strewn all over the floor she has the neatest way of getting him not to care about it at all. Or barely.

Anthony felt his teeth clench as he got out of bed, trying to calm himself as he tripped over one of her shoes. It was too early in the defined era of their relationship for this. He was sure.

“Kate, babe?” He swallowed as his girlfriend let out a groan from the bed, still face down under the blanket, her curls strewn over the pillow. He took that as a sign to move forward. “I’m a little curious about something?”

Kate rolled over, sitting up, a slow smile making it’s way onto her face. “Yes, I do have a tiny history of gymnastics. That’s why I’m so flexible.”

Anthony flushed a he tugged his underwear on, unfolding them neatly from his own case with a flourish. “I just wondered if you had any allergies.”

Kate shook her head, wiggling her eyebrows at him. “You’re cute when you blush but My my anthony, what do you want to do to me next?”

Anthony sighed, putting his hands on his hips. “Excellent. So you’re not allergic to picking up your clothes?! I mean, Jesus! You were in the military.”

Kate laughed, the delighted sound of it making his spine shiver as she tugged him back down to the bed. She threaded her fingers through his hair and pressed his face to her bare skin, holding him there. “Do you accept my apology, Anthony? Or do I need to get down on my knees?”

Anthony breathed deeply against her skin, the stress seeping out of his body. “I mean, I wouldn’t say no to the second thing but I do feel a lot better.”

Kate checked the watch she’d left on the bloody floor instead of the bedside table like a reasonable person. “Well lucky for you I have fifteen minutes before I absolutely need to get dressed. Pants off, Ant.”

And on the other hand, Anthony manages to infuse enough order into Kate’s life that it doesn’t completely implode.

“Hold on just a fucking second.” Sophie gasped as Kate walked through the door of the bar exactly when they’d agreed to meet.

Edwina reached out, snatching Kate’s wrist up and staring at the Breitling watch that had once been their father’s. “Kate, Holy fuck, do you know what time it is?!”

Kate rolled her eyes but bowed as she accepted their mocking round of applause. “Anthony keeps our calendar now. And he even scheduled in 25 minutes of oral sex before I left.”

“Gross.”

“You’re fucking disgusting.”

“Your boos fuel me.” Kate smirked, snatching Edwina’s Margherita up, “He might be tightly wound but I love the fuck out of that man.”

Opposites really do attract.

[silverhallow]

This means War

Benedict Bridgerton x Sophie Beckett

Mafia AU

Rated: T. Kidnapping

Word count: 910

Summary: what’s the worst pain a person can go through…?

Author's Note: this is set in the Mafia Au but it’s a one we’re they never went legitimate…

Enjoy

“Lady Penwood…” came the voice of her trusted advisor… John Footman had been by her side through thick and thin and remained loyal even after she’d joined the Penwood Crime family with that of the Bridgerton Crime family when she married Benedict and her second in command, Kate Sharma married Anthony.

Together they’d become the most feared crime family in the country and no one fucked with them…

Or she thought.

She looked up from her note book, her pen perched between her teeth as she figured out her next moves.

She and Anthony ran different parts of the business. She handled the illegal goods and he dealt with everything else. She had the connections.

“Yes John what is it?” She asked, glancing at her husband who was sketching again.

Sophie loved that he’d sometimes just sit and draw her whilst she was working and now she was pregnant again with their second child, he was obsessed and couldn’t stop drawing her.

“I… erm… there has been… there has been an incident” John said, the hesitation was noticeable and Benedict didn’t like the nerves coming from their head of security and he put his pencil down and got up from his slouched position.

“What kind of incident?” Benedict asked.

There were a million possibilities going through through his mind at that very moment but what came out of his mouth had not even made the top 1000 things he thought it could have possibly been.

“Ms Metcalf and the security team… they… they were attacked on their way back with Master Charlie…”

Sophie’s face drained of all colour as she felt terror like she’d never felt before.

Benedict stood up “are… are they okay?!” He demanded

“I…I…” John stammered

“Out with man!!!” Benedict yelled

“Ben! Stop! Just give him a chance!” Sophie managed to get out. She needed her husband to keep his cool, to keep calm… at least for now.

Revenge would come later.

“Jameson and King took a bullet each, Emily has a broken nose and concussion” John managed to explain and Sophie was getting irate at the thought of someone touching the security team around her 18 month old son and his nanny.

Emily was practically family. She would be family eventually as she was engaged to Edwina but that was besides the point.

Sophie had made it clear in the last that her family was out of bounds… and to attack the men around her son… this was unforgivable and was tantamount to declaring war…

But she noticed he hadn’t said anything about Charlie “what about Charlie? Is he safe?” Sophie asked

“I… they took… they took…” John stammered trying to fight back the tears he felt and the news he didn’t want to pass on.

“Took who?”

“Ma…master Charlie…”

Sophie let out a scream of pain and fury like she’d known she could manage, it was a sound that put the fear of god in anyone who heard it and Benedict’s noise was something akin to that of a wounded animal.

“Who where they John? Who the fuck has my son?!??” Sophie screamed.

“Please calm down Lady Penwood!”

“Don’t Fucking tell me to calm down!! Someone has my baby!!!! I will fucking not calm down!!!”

“Sophie I get your furious and worried and I am too but please… just please try and calm a bit for the baby… we will find out” Benedict said turning on John

“What is being done?”

“I’m scanning all the CCTV in the area. They weren’t too far from the house when it happened sir. I’ve sent for Eloise, Mr Anthony and Edwina to help… we have some evidence as Emily fought back”

“I want everything on my desk in an hour. Everyone is to be called in. No Fucking excuses. This a fucking code red. Anyone who doesn’t show, and doesn’t have a fucking good excuse is fired and assumed to be part of it and will be dealt accordingly!!! Whoever has taken my boy is going to Fucking pay for it…the gloves are off. They’ve picked a fight with the wrong Fucking family and anyone who gets in my way… will pay the fucking price” Sophie declared.

“Right away with Lady Penwood” John said and ran out of the room and the moment he was gone Sophie’s strength left her and Benedict saw as he rushed to his pregnant wives side and caught her just in time and held her as she sobbed.

“My baby!! They’ve got our baby Ben” she cried

“We’ll get him back. They’re stupid to think they will get away with this. We will get him back. I swear on my life. Come hell or high water and if they’ve hurt a single hair on his head i will personally make sure they pay for it with blood a hundred times worse than they have done to him” Benedict vowed as tears fell down his own face.

He wanted to go pound the pavement, bang on the doors of all their known associates and enemies and demand they tell what they know.

They needed Anthony here. He’d keep a calmer head than them right now and help them through this.

It was the longest hour of their lives as they waited for news and their family. And finally Anthony burst in, a face like thunder, looking scarier than Sophie had ever remembered seeing him as he barged In “we’ve got a lead on Charlie!”

[justviwriting]

'Raging Storm'

Fandom: Bridgerton Characters: Kate Sharma Pairing: Kate/Anthony Rating: G Words: 1.282 Summary: Kate’s thoughts after the conversation with Anthony in the library during the storm. A/N: So this had been sitting in my drafts for months now lmao. I wrote this while binge watching Bridgerton for the first time some months ago but didn’t want to post it because I had the idea for a multi-chapter fic about Kate’s thoughts during season 2 in form of diary entries. And I just felt that I will probably write something similar to this again, so I never posted it. However, I don’t know when or if I will ever write the other fanfic because there’s a lot of other fics I’m working on currently. But even if I do, it’ll probably end up a bit different than this, so enjoy this short monologue :) As always, English is not my first language. If you spot mistakes, you can always let me know :)

[you can also read it on AO3]

Hurrying back into the room, Kate hastily closed the door behind her, trying to catch her breath. Edwina, asleep in her bed, stirred slightly at the sound, reminding Kate to be quiet. She tried to calm herself, leaning against the closed door, hoping she had not woken her sister. But Edwina’s breath was steady and her eyes remained closed. Kate let out a silent sigh, then quietly went back into her bed.

The storm was still raging outside but it was not the only thing that prevented Kate from finding sleep. Her mind felt like a maze as she was trying to make sense of what had just transpired in the library. She was confused and bewildered; unable to explain what had just happened.

It was not just this moment now, in the library, that had left her with a feeling of confusion and uncertainty. It had been everything that had happened since they had arrived at Aubrey Hall. She had known before that spending time with the Bridgertons would leave her feeling exhausted; knowing she would spend the entire time in fear of Lord Bridgerton proposing to her sister while also knowing that she could neither prevent him from doing so nor convince her sister to decline him, as a proposal from him would be both, a curse and a blessing.

This place was gorgeous, absolutely beautiful, and very welcoming – as were the rest of the Bridgerton family. Yet every hour that passed seemingly increased her feeling of confusion. And it had not just been that moment in the library – but also the hunt earlier, the game of pall mall, the grave … and the bee sting.

She felt foolish now remembering the bee; even embarrassed. She had been surprised at his reaction then, almost shocked – even worried about him for a short moment. Yet, as she had been unable to explain his reaction to herself afterwards, her worry had turned into anger, wondering what game he was trying to play; what scheme he was using her for. Now she knew that it had not been a scheme – that his fear and panic had been genuine. And the hurt she had seen in his eyes just minutes ago had been genuine as well.

She did not know what had happened, but for some reason, something inside of him had opened up. It had almost felt as if, for one moment, she had been able to see every thought and every feeling lying behind those dark eyes. The same eyes that had been following her ever since she had arrived in this town; eyes that had somehow always managed to find her, no matter how hard she had tried to escape them. And every single time she had noticed his gaze on her – every time she had looked into those eyes – she had wondered what might lie hidden beneath them. Out of all the things she had wondered about, pain had been the last one she would have expected. She had not expected vulnerability either – a vulnerability she had never seen on his face when he had been with her sister.

Kate turned to her side. She could not see Edwina’s face in the darkness of the night but just hear her quiet breathing. She was glad her sister had no idea of what had just transpired in the library, and she would certainly never tell her – just as she had not told her about the Viscount’s presence during the bee sting. She knew very well that her sister would never tell anyone about the incriminating situations she had found herself in with the Viscount Bridgerton, but she also knew it would hurt Edwina’s feelings. Of course, telling her could convince her not to marry him but those moments had been accidental. She could share countless reasons of why the Viscount would not present a good match for her sister, she did not need to lie. But she could tell her about it nonetheless – tell her that, somewhere behind this arrogant, conceited wall there was a man capable of emotions; capable of vulnerability.

Perhaps Edwina already believed him to be that man but she had never seen it – not truly.

A lighting strike outside illuminated Edwina’s face for a second. There was a small smile on her lips, like so often when she was asleep. Usually, the sight put a smile on Kate’s face as well but not tonight. The truth of why she could not share this with Edwina was because of how exposed she had felt – and not because she had barely been wearing a chemise. It was because of him; because of how he had looked at her. His eyes had been piercing through her but with an expression that had been almost gentle. For a short moment, she had felt comfortable with him; safe even. Almost as if she had known him forever – could share with him everything that had ever been on her mind. Something she should not feel in his regard.

Kate could lie to herself and say that he was playing her for a fool but she knew he was not. Would he have reacted the same had it been Edwina instead of her who had been stung by that bee? She did not know the answer – or perhaps she did, and it filled her with anger.

It made sense, however. It made sense that he had panicked after that bee had stung her; it made sense why he appeared to be everywhere she was, starting a conversation whenever he could; it even made sense why he was so irritated with her. She had believed their mutual feeling of irritation had a mutual source as well but apparently not. His irritation came from a different place.

And yet he was still courting Edwina – probably still intent on marrying her. And it made her angry; it made her angry knowing he would marry Edwina instead of…

Of course, Kate would never agree on marrying him, no matter his feelings, and even if it would not be for Edwina. But she wished he would, at the very least, leave her sister alone. She knew Edwina needed a husband but why did it have to be him? A man who very clearly did not plan on falling in love; a man who perhaps chose her precisely because he knew he would never love her. All Kate wanted for her sister was love and happiness. Yet she also knew she could never keep Edwina from a match like this, knowing it could risk her entire future.

Kate could feel sorry for Lord Bridgerton. She did feel sorry for him. She did not pity him but she could sympathise with him. When she had seen his pain, she had felt that pain herself. But she could not feel sorry for a man who had no intentions of confronting his own pain and instead chose to push it away while making her younger sister pay the price.

She turned around then, closing her eyes. She needed to find some sleep; needed some peace. Soon, they would leave this place, with or without a proposal – and Kate was still uncertain which one she would prefer. But in the dark, as she tried finding that sleep she needed, her mind wandered back to Anthony Bridgerton; back to those eyes, open and vulnerable, staring at her; back to his head and lips moving closer to her face until she could almost feel his breath on her skin.

And the confusion and anger continued to race through her mind and heart until the raging storm was replaced by the first rays of the morning sun.

[collectionoftulips]

OK, apparently this weekend is just 'writing fanfic' weekend. Here is another part. I'm really starting to get into this and enjoying writing this. However, Tumblr doesn't seem to allow me to verify my email address at all, so please leave any feedback as comments so I can see them. I truly appreciate it a lot. So here is my newest addition to my 'Kate is Anthony's mistress' AU. Hopefully I will get an AO3 account soon, instead of having to battle this platform to let me post stuff.

Title: at first i thought you were a constellation (4/?) Rating: Unrated so far but maybe M eventually? Summary: Kate is Anthony's mistress, but things get complicated as Edwina and Mary arrive in London for the marriage mart season and Kate has to try to keep her secrets from completely unravelling the fragile life she had built for herself in London.

chapter one / chapter two / chapter three /

Chapter Four: The Dreams We Only Whisper In The Dark

The first thing that Kate saw when she awoke was a head of dishevelled curls and a pair of warm, brown eyes. She liked how Anthony had this slight crinkle underneath his eye when he looked at her. For a moment, they did not speak. Carefully, Kate caressed that little crinkle and she could feel his face soften under her touch. She liked him like this. She imagined how he might look years from now - a face even more wrinkled and touched by that laughter that seemed to bubble out of him at the strangest of times. She could see it so clearly - him being old and happy - and it filled her with a strange sense of calm.

Anthony continued to not do much except stay as he was, hovering over her. His gaze drank her up as he seemed content to let her gently explore the contours of his face. Kate felt greedy as she gently hoped that she would be treated to more mornings like today.

He never stayed the night, or if they ever fell asleep he would always leave before daybreak, so she had never seen him like this before.

”Hi,” she whispered finally, her finger caressing the furrow of his brow and his left dimple.

”Hi,” he echoed and Kate tried not to think about the way her heart seemed to almost skip a beat.

”You’re still here,” her voice was still marked by sleep as her fingers traced the outline of his collarbone.

His gaze never seemed to leave her face. Usually, Kate hated attention but when it came from Anthony Bridgerton, she found that she could endure it very well. She did not even mind that he seemed to have been watching her sleep. Truly inexplicable.

”I don’t have anywhere I need to be today,” he whispered as if sharing a secret. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

Kate knew that could not possibly be true. Not only because he was a viscount, but he also had seven siblings and multiple properties to manage. But for once, she was not going to contradict him because, if she let herself be honest, she wanted him to be nowhere but with her, right here. Instead, she closed her eyes, hummed lightly, and leaned into his touch.

”Mmm, whatever will I do with you?” She could almost fall back asleep. ”You’re impossible.”

Anthony hummed in agreement, now placing kisses on her temple and forehead. ”Incorrigible.”

”I just might have to keep you here,” she pulled his body to her and he wrapped his arm around her like a cocoon, ”Put you to good use.”

Anthony’s hums of agreement took on a more distracted quality as he kissed her cheek and settled next to her. She could feel his breath dance near her ear and if she didn’t know any better, she could have sworn she could hear him inhale. Her mind could imagine a million scenarios of what they could do and how they could make the time pass in the happiest of ways. However, all she wanted to do, it seemed, was for time to stand still. To keep this moment with her, always, even long after he left her. For there would come a time when he would leave her, she knew. There would be a day where she would be too old, or he would meet someone new, or - the most unpleasant of outcomes - he would marry and fall in love with his wife. Her time with Anthony would always be finite, so she just wanted this little moment, where she could pretend that she was his.

///

”You know, I did not think it was possible,” Benedict remarked dryly, ”but you just might be even grumpier than usual.”

Anthony shot his brother a glare before fixing his eyes on his toast. Whatever had he done to deserve the most annoying brother in Britain?

”Are you quite all right, brother? You did not even seem that interested in the Queen announcing her new diamond the other day, and considering you constantly go on about your duty to find the next Lady Bridgerton, one would think that the Queen’s recommendation might be a weighty one.”

”You sound like mother.”

Benedict shrugged, sipping his coffee while looking at his brother like he was simultaneously enjoying his torment and trying to figure something out.

Anthony suddenly realized he had no recollection of the Queen selecting her new diamond the other night. His attentions had been so entirely occupied elsewhere, it might as well have been Eloise for all that he knew. It wasn’t, was it? ”Who did she select, anyway?”

Benedict probably thought that he had peaked his interest, but really, all Anthony wanted was a distraction from thinking about a certain woman and the images that had since been the chief object of his nightmares. Needless to say, he did not sleep particularly well.

”I did not realize that your disinterest was so severe it resulted in amnesia,” Benedict poked, ”Almost admirable. But I believe it was one Ms Edwina Sharma?”

”Sharma?” He hated how suddenly that name had commanded his interest and he hated even more that Benedict had clocked it.

”Yes,” Benedict seemed to contemplate whether he should start exchanging his amusement for concern, ”Surely you did not miss the gossip surrounding the family? I don’t care much about it, but it does seem like the Queen is set to shake things up this season. At least it won’t be predictable.”

It seemed as though he was incapable of escaping the ghost of Kate Sharma, even when he did his outmost to train himself towards indifference. He would be on the verge of convincing himself that there had been no great loss - that he was a viscount and he had not even been in the business of acquiring a new mistress when they had met anyway - when memories of their argument would somehow take over his mind entirely. He could not understand it. She had been the one who lied, but somehow during the course of their conversation, she had had the nerve to be angry with him. She had been the one at fault, yet expected him to grovel for some imagined offence. He knew that Kate thrived on being contrary and argumentative, but this seemed to almost border on delusional.

It was in the contemplation of these thoughts where his mind would often spiral to the part of their argument that had seared itself into his brain. The way that she had regarded him with such evident distain and declared that they were over. He could not understand it. He could not understand how she could just… how she could just dispose of him with such a callous disregard. As if… as if it had been nothing.

Uninvited, images of Kate being seduced by some other man disrupted the spiral that his thoughts were sending him in and now plummeted him into the abyss. The notion of another man touching her was- Anthony momentarily considered throwing his toast at the wall, as the scent of it him made him feel absolutely wrecked.

He left Benedict without a word and went into the study. There, he poured himself some whisky and tried to ignore the irrational urge to hit something. He hated this. He hated how he seemed incapable of not reacting to even the memory of Kate Sharma, that he seemed unable to inspire the same indifference with which she clearly viewed him. Would he always be doomed to have her haunt him so?

He was not enough of a fool to pretend that a single woman reliant on an independent income had unlimited options. He knew that she would need financial support and that her sex prevented her from entering any occupation of significance. This was how it worked. If they were over, she would have to have another patron. Unless she somehow managed to convince the greater London area to allow her to paint almost exclusively under her male pseudonym, which was hardly likely considering the stories he had heard from Benedict. His brother, who was a Bridgerton, had enough difficulty to be accepted by that lot.

No, he would have to get used to the idea that there would be another man who would kiss Kate Sharma, who would now be the subject of her smiles. Once, he had imagined that at least the insults she would throw at him were distinctly his, but for all he knew they were just as indistinguishable as the rest of their courtship must have been been. Not courtship- they-

Anthony sighed. He was losing the plot. His mind was losing its grip on reality and the reality was this: Kate Sharma had discontinued their friendship, she could not stand to be near him, and he would never touch her lips again.

And that was just fine. It would not impact him in the slightest.

///

Having Mary and Edwina back in her life was still something that Kate was getting used to. She had not realized how accustomed she had grown to her solitude, until the presence of her family had seemingly upended any semblance of a routine. For starters, she now spent most of her waking hours at the home of Lady Danbury, which she would not had believed even two short weeks ago. It was quite something being among such opulence on a regular basis. What was particularly jarring was how it seemed to fade into the background rather quickly, and Kate wondered if that was what happened with wealth - it simply became invisible.

As far as introductions went, Edwina had been a success. While Kate had been prevented from celebrating her triumph on the day, she was determined to make up for it now that she was no longer weighed down by the fear of discovery. Ensuring her sister’s happiness would be her new purpose and it would help quell stubborn memories from distracting her.

She had been entirely mistaken in Anthony Bridgerton’s character, so spending her time doing something as silly as missing him was something that she would not allow. Her world did not revolve around the favor of one man.

Kate knew that she had more pressing issues to attend to. Ever since their return, she knew that Mary had been distant with her. That in itself was to be expected - it was Edwina’s openness that was the exception, not the rule. Beyond that first day, Mary had not spoken much to her, allowing Lady Danbury or Edwina to carry the weight of the conversations that were had in her presence. Whether this division of labour was the outcome of prior discussions or mere happenstance, Kate did not know. But it did not stop her from being painfully aware that while Mary was often present, she never really engaged with her former daughter. Not that Kate blamed her - she held no claim on Mary. Mary had shown her incredible kindness when she had been young, but Kate had squandered her affections by departing so suddenly. She knew she would never be forgiven for abandoning them. Nor did she ever expect to.

At the back of her mind, Kate also knew that it would be dangerous to get used to Mary and Edwina and having them in her life. They were meant for a different life than her. They were Sheffields, they were meant for ballrooms and matches. She, on the other hand, was destined to fade into obscurity. Pretending otherwise was folly. She would appreciate their presence for now, but she must not be heartbroken when they left.

”Did you see that I was mentioned in Lady Whistledown?” Edwina asked as they were preparing for their visitors to arrive.

Kate nodded. ”Of course, as you should have been.”

”She seemed to think that I could have my pick of suitors,” Edwina giggled, gratified for the attention and Kate was once again reminded of just how young her sister was.

Kate nodded. ”And why should you not? Just make sure that you pick someone you want, not just for his rank and title.”

At this Mary nodded in agreement and Kate suppressed the small part of her that hoped that Mary would be proud of her for her sensible advice. ”Regardless of what the Sheffields said,” Mary offered, ”You can find an amiable man who will treat you well and has the required rank. There is no need to settle for just the first man who asks you.”

Kate wanted to press the issue in agreement with Mary. To tell Edwina to find someone kind, someone who would treat her well. That it would be the most important decision of her life, and one that would shape the rest of her life. If she gave her heart to someone who did not deserve it, she might not ever get it back. But the words died on her lips and Kate remained silent.

She had been permitted to stay in the room, to quietly survey the eager bachelors, to supply information where Lady Danbury’s intelligence failed. In this, she supposed she owed the most smallest morsel of gratitude to Anthony - he had often spoken of gentlemen at his club so she was surprisingly well-versed in who had secret debts or if any were in danger of already having acquired children out of wedlock. But that was as far as she allowed her thoughts to stray as far as Anthony Bridgerton was concerned.

”Lord Lumley is promising,” Lady Danbury said, ”But I have to say, I was expecting a little bit more enthusiasm from the Bridgertons. Viscount Bridgerton would be a fine catch indeed.”

Kate suppressed the pressing urge to roll her eyes. ”Maybe one of the younger Bridgertons will show interest,” Kate supplied, trying not to consider the horrific notion of Anthony courting her sister and decided to ignore the way it made her stomach cold.

Whatever Lady Danbury was about to say was interrupted by the arrival of the first pack of gentlemen, announced by the Danbury footman. Kate was thankful that the topic of the Bridgertons were dropped and she returned to focus on her task. The season, and the games, were truly about to begin, and Kate was determined that Edwina should win.

TBC? Please leave any thoughts and feedback as comments - I really really appreciate them (just need to figure out if I can reply to them somehow)

[music-is-love-90]

Summary: A delay in the ballroom means Kate doesn't hear Anthony lay out his list of requirements for a wife. In turn, he doesn't ruin his chances with her. Even the best laid plans can fall apart when love interferes.

Ch. 11:

The week before the Sharmas and the Bridgertons were to escape to the country was packed to the brim with balls, parties, and soirees.  Kate’s current plan was to put Edwina forward as much as possible, so that her absence would be all the more noticeable.  Given the number of suitors that arrived in Danbury House every day, the plan was going swimmingly.

And for every step, dance, and idiot that Kate wanted to throw out, Anthony Bridgerton was at her side.

His steadying presence was something she was most grateful for during those days, always there with a quip or soothing word.  When her urge to hit one of the men of the ton grew too strong, he was there to offer a walk or to sweep her onto the dance floor.

Dancing had never been as easy as it was with him.

Unfortunately, the same could not be said for dancing with his brothers.

“I am so sorry.” Kate whispered, horrified, as she stepped on Colin for the third time.

“It’s alright, Miss Sharma.” He told her valiantly.  “But you must tell me of India to distract me from my pain.”

Kate shook her head fondly.  She really did enjoy the easy-going nature of the younger Bridgerton brothers, even if she did find herself longing for the quiet presence of their older brother.

“What do you want to know?” she asked, just narrowly avoiding his foot once more.

“Tell me about your favorite place.” He replied.

She thought for a moment, executing the next turn of the dance without even coming close to maiming anyone.

“There was a river near where we lived.” She said finally.  “The heat in India is so different than English weather.  Some days, it is so unbearably hot that you cannot even consider staying inside.  On those days, I would sneak down to the river to walk in the water.  It would drive Mary mad, but the turtles and I grew to be tremendous friends!”

“It sounds wonderful.” Colin told her, smiling.  “I hope to see it someday.”

“I hope so too.” Kate replied, returning his smile warmly.  “I long for everyone to know the beauty of my home.”

“I hope you have managed to find beauty here as well,” Colin said, “but I perfectly understand your longing.  Everywhere I went, there were so many things to see, to do, and places to explore.  I thought I might go mad trying to do it all!  But…in the quiet moments, I missed England.  I missed Aubrey Hall and our gardens, and the calm of tea taken on the balcony.  Some days I was so homesick, I thought about abandoning the whole pursuit and returning to London and the stifling embrace of my family.”

Kate laughed at that.

“You are a rambunctious lot.” She agreed, making him laugh with her.

“You have not seen us at our worst.” He replied.  “That will be next week.  If you still deign to speak to us after that I will be shocked.”

The dance came to an end and Colin bowed as she curtsied before taking her arm to lead her back to their families.

“You know,” he said softly before they reached them, “I found talking about home always helped.  If you ever want to speak of India to a willing ear, come find me.  I’ll be happy to listen as long as you like.”

Kate smiled at him warmly, squeezing his arm in thanks as they rejoined the group.  Colin left her side to ask Penelope to dance and Kate found his place quickly taken by Anthony.

“You know,” he said softly, and Kate had to marvel at the difference between when these two words were spoken by Colin and when Anthony Bridgerton whispered them to her in a crowded ballroom.  Colin was lovely, but he didn’t produce the heat that rushed through her at the sound of his brother’s voice.

That was only Anthony.

“I may have to request you stop smiling at my brothers.” He continued, not noticing her distraction.  “Or really any man who isn’t me.”

“Oh?” she replied with an arched eyebrow.  “Why ever is that, my Lord?”

“Because,” his voice dropped even lower and it was all Kate could do to remain standing, “when you smile at them, I can’t possibly be held responsible for my actions.  It’s maddening.”

She perfectly understood his sentiments.

“Dance with me?”

Kate nodded weakly, taking his hand and letting him pull her into the crowd.  For the rest of the night, her smiles were just for him.

~.~

The week passed quickly and, before she knew it, Kate was in a carriage on her way to Kent.

A carriage ride that felt like it would never end.

Kate idly wondered if it was possible that she had died and was now in hell, which was apparently this carriage ride for the rest of eternity.

“Do you think the Viscount will propose, Didi?” Edwina was asking her.

“I seriously doubt so, Bon.” Kate replied patiently.  “The Viscount is a friend.  He is just trying to help us make the most of the Season.”

“I must say, Miss Sharma,” Lady Danbury commented dryly as Mary and her sister shook their heads, “your powers of self-delusion are quite extraordinary.”

“The Viscount is well aware that my focus is making the best match for Edwina, not myself.” Kate told them.  “He understands this and is willing to help.  I am extraordinarily grateful for his friendship.”

“I do not want you sacrificing your happiness for mine, Kate.  I never have!” Edwina told her strictly.  “Anyone with eyes can see Lord Bridgerton has fallen for you!  Even you must see this!  Just because I am the Diamond, that does not mean that you should not seek your own match and the Viscount would be a magnificent catch!”

Kate thought of their moment in the woods and blushed.

“I…will admit that the Viscount has shown a preference for my company, but he cannot offer for me, Bon!” she protested.  “I would bring nothing to the marriage, and he must marry someone who will be accepted as his Viscountess.  Anything else would harm his sisters’ chances and he loves his sisters no less than I love you.  He will not choose me.  I would not choose me.”

“I rather think it is up to Lord Bridgerton to decide who he thinks would make the best Viscountess.” Mary told her gently.

“Either way,” Lady Danbury interjected, “despite what you believe, I believe Lord Bridgerton will be asking a question soon and you, my girl, best have an answer for him.”

Kate would have given anything for the carriage ride to be over.

After a longer time than she would have liked, they arrived at Aubrey Hall.  Kate had expected to be impressed, but she had not expected to be charmed.  She now understood the warmth in Anthony’s voice when he spoke of his home. 

She almost wished it could be hers.

Kate shook herself.  Anthony Bridgerton may have ruined every plan she had made, but he would not ruin this one:

She would not get her hopes up.

Lady Danbury, Mary, and Edwina may think whatever they like.  Kate had no delusions about her place in life, and it was far below Anthony Bridgerton….

No matter what her heart was telling her.

~.~

Anthony watched from the top of the stairs as the Danbury carriage arrived and his family moved to greet it.  Lady Danbury was the first to exit, eager to see her grand-godson, making her godson shake his head as she completely ignored him.  Next, Lady Mary was greeted warmly by his mother as Edwina exited behind her, looking up at the house with youthful excitement before being distracted by Eloise.

Finally, Kate appeared and Anthony realized he’d been holding his breath.  He watched as she said something to her sister that made both her and Eloise laugh, before moving away to look at the house with a small smile.  He took that as his cue and bounded down the stairs.

“You’re smiling.” He said, warmth filling him as she turned her smile on him.  “I see my plan to win you over is working.”

“I thought your plan was to give me all the gossip I could ever want on the men of the ton.” She replied, her smile turning into a smirk.  “But as it so happens, I was smiling at the view.  A view which you are now blocking.”

“Are you sure my ‘pleasing smile’ is not the view you truly wish to see?”  he asked, giving her that slow smile that made her melt. 

“I believe, my Lord, that we agreed that it was Newton who found your smiling pleasing.” Kate told him archly.

“I agreed to no such thing.”

“No, that’s how I remember that conversation going.” Kate was grinning fully now.

“Then your memory is faulty, madam.” Anthony told her, just barely containing his own grin.

There was a bark and they both watched as footman led a straining Newton over to his mistress.  As soon as they were close enough, the dog collapsed on Anthony’s shoes with a huff of contentment.

“At least someone is happy to see me.” Anthony said with a raised eyebrow as the footman handed Kate the leash and left.

“Well, there’s no accounting for taste.” Kate shot back.

“You wound me, Miss Sharma.”  He said, playfully clutching at his chest.

“I am relatively sure that your ego shall survive, Lord Bridgerton.”

“You must be Miss Sharma!”

The two combatants were distracted from their verbal sparing by Daphne joining them.

“I am, Your Grace.” Kate replied, dipping into a small curtsy.

“None of that, now.” The eldest Bridgerton daughter said.  “You shall call me Daphne.  I’ve heard so much about you from my siblings, I feel we are friends already.”

“Then I am Kate.”

“Brilliant!” Daphne linked her arm with Kat’s and turned to look at Anthony.  “Now, where should I begin with the embarrassing Anthony stories?  Would you like them chronologically or in order least to most?”

“Hastings!” Anthony called loudly.  “Kindly come corral your wife!”

“Oh no, old friend.” Kate turned to see an attractive man approaching them and assumed he was the Duke.  “When she is residence at Aubrey Hall, my wife is a Bridgerton and therefore your problem.”

“Simon!” Daphne exclaimed, smacking her husband’s chest.  “You’ll make Kate think we’re all heathens!”

“Are you claiming you’re not, my dear?” he asked innocently.

Daphne glared at him for a moment before turning back to Kate.

“Kate, shall I introduce my husband?  Simon, Duke of Hastings.”

“It’s a pleasure, your Grace.” Kate said, dipping another curtsy as Simon bowed.

“The pleasure is all mine.” He told her, smiling.  “Anyone who can get my old friend to smile on a regular basis is someone I am happy to meet.” Anthony glared at him, making Kate giggle as Simon ignored him.  “Besides, I find myself in need of an ally against the heathens, as my wife called them, and I am hoping to co-opt you to my side.”

“I said we weren’t heathens, husband.” Daphne protested.  “Kindly do not try to ruin my new friend’s opinion of us before we’ve had a chance to do it ourselves!”

“She’s been in London for the Season with the rest of the clan.” Simon said, laughing.  “I’m sure she’s had ample time around your darling siblings to know exactly what you’re all like.”

“Perfectly charming all around.” Kate interjected, making Daphne beam.  “With the notable exception of one elder sibling who seems to take great pleasure in vexing me.”

“And what, Miss Sharma, is it that you think you do to me?” Anthony shot back with a grin.

“I am shocked, my Lord.” Kate said with wide eyes.  “Are you implying my behavior is anything less than perfectly ladylike?”

Anthony glared playfully at her as Simon clapped his shoulder with a laugh.

“You’re fighting a losing battle, Bridgerton.” He told him.  “Let’s let the ladies get settled and you can join me in your study to lick your wounds.”

“Yes, do run along, Anthony dear.” Daphne said with a wicked smile.  “Kate and I have much to speak of.”

Anthony did seem to pale at that and opened his mouth to respond but Simon grabbed his arm, dragging him away while Daphne giggled.

“I believe, Miss Sharma, that we are to be great friends.”

“I believe so as well, your Grace.”

~.~

Fifteen minutes later found Simon and Anthony sipping brandy in the eldest Bridgerton’s study.

“I thought you had declared you wouldn’t marry for love, Bridgerton.” The Duke said.  “What changed?  Because you clearly care about Miss Sharma.”

“I don’t know.” Anthony admitted.  “I just…How did you realize you loved my sister?”

Simon was surprised by the question.  While their relationship was vastly improved since last year, Anthony had never been one to talk about his feelings or to seek advice.

“When I saw her showing favor to the Prince.” He replied finally.  “I had been running from my feelings for a while by that point.  When I saw her smile at him, I knew I had loved her for weeks.  It was slow, sneaking up on me until it was so obvious that even I couldn’t deny it any longer.”

Anthony was quiet for a moment.

“I don’t think I’ve ever told you I was sorry for how I behaved.” He said.  “I should have seen what you felt for Daphne.  I should have helped both of you instead of holding on to my foolish pride.”

“You wanted your sister to be safe.” Simon said.  “Even if you went about it in the completely wrong way, I can understand your desire.  And what is done is done, old friend, so let it stay in the past and focus on your future.  I can tell you that your sister will be overjoyed to know you have decided to abandon your plan to marry without love.”

“I didn’t really have a choice.” Anthony replied ruefully.  “The idea of walking away from her is abhorrent to me.  From the moment I saw her in the woods, I couldn’t stay away even if I wanted to.”

“In the woods?” Simon asked, surprised.  “I thought you met at my godmother’s ball.”

“That’s where we were introduced.  I met her in the park two days before hand.  She was galloping through the woods, and I thought she was in trouble, so I followed.  It turned out she was just riding.  I tried to catch up, but she’s the better rider.”

“She beat you in a race?”

“Handily.” Anthony said with a small smile.  “She was so beautiful in the morning light, I wasn’t even sure she was real.  She doesn’t care that I’m the Viscount.  If anything, I think it makes her like me less!” He took another sip of brandy.  “I had a plan for how the rest of my life would go at the beginning of the season and then I saw her at that ball and I knew I had to know her.  I had to make her smile and laugh.  I think I have loved her from the moment I saw her in that park and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.”

“Does she love you?” Simon asked.

“I believe so.” He replied.  “She obviously hasn’t said so, but I believe she feels the same.”

“So, ask her to marry you and your mother can throw the engagement ball she has always wanted to.”  His friend told him, but Anthony was already shaking his head.

“If I ask, she’ll say no.”

“I highly doubt that.” Simon scoffed.

“That’s because you do not know her.” Anthony shot back.  “Everything she does is for her family and she spares no thought to herself.  She came to England to find a husband for her sister, to save her family, and when she’s done that, she plans on returning to India.  It’s ludicrous!  But, then again, I understand it perfectly.  She’s protecting her family the only way she knows how, no matter what she has to sacrifice.  How can I blame her for that?”

“It sounds like she is very similar to another eldest child I know.” Simon said, studying his friend.  “So, what are you going to do?”

“I invited her here so she could relax amongst friends.  My siblings already adore her and Miss Edwina, and I’m hoping you and Daphne will like her.”

“I believe Daphne is already planning your wedding, so I doubt you have to worry about my wife.” Simon said dryly.

“Good.  I want her to feel comfortable here and maybe that will convince her that she has another option than returning to India when Miss Edwina marries.”

“You’re willing to fight for her?”

Anthony nodded. 

“Everything I have done since my father died has been for my family.  Beyond the fact that I think she would make an excellent Viscountess, a perfect partner to help my siblings, and a wonderful mother to my children, I want her for me.  I want her to choose me…because I honestly don’t think I can do this without her anymore.”

Simon set his glass down and clapped Anthony on the shoulder.

“Daphne and I will support you.  Whether you like it or not in Daphne’s case, most likely.  You Bridgertons are utterly incapable of not meddling in each other’s lives, so be prepared for at least one scheme on my wife’s part.  But whatever you need, just ask.”

“Keep your wife in check?”

Simon just laughed.

“Within reason, old friend.  Whatever you need within reason.”

Anthony just shook his head, drained his glass, and let Simon lead him out to rejoin the rest of the party.

~.~

Kate marveled at the rooms she had been given.  They were nicer than her rooms at Danbury House, which were far more opulent than her rooms at home.  Even when she had stayed at the place of the Maharaja, her rooms had not been this nice.

“Your Grace – “

“Daphne.” The eldest Bridgerton daughter interjected.  “You must call me Daphne, for I refuse to call my new friend by anything other than her name!”

“Daphne,” Kate tried again, “This is too much!”

“Nonsense.” The Duchess replied brusquely.  “You’re our guest and we want you to be comfortable.  Anthony picked out the flowers.  Lovely, aren’t they?”

Kate glanced at the bouquet of lilies on her bedside table and saw a note sticking out of them.  Briefly forgetting Daphne was in the room, she eagerly snatched it up.

So that the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning continue to be my lilies.

A. Bridgerton

Kate huffed, making Daphne giggle, and returned her attention to the other woman.

“Your brother is an incredibly frustrating man.”

“That he is.” Daphne agreed brightly.  “But for all his faults, of which there many and I shall take great pleasure in telling you of them all, my brother is a gentleman.  More than that, he is a good man.  He has sacrificed so much of his own happiness so that all of us could have the things he thought we deserved, far more than we ever would have asked of him.” She came over and took Kate’s hands in her own.  “I have seen his smile more in the hour since you arrived than I have in the last decade.  True, genuine smiles that I thought had died when our father died.  And as thrilled as I am to see them return, I would be remiss in my duties as a sister if I didn’t ask you to take care with my brother’s heart.  I couldn’t bear for it to be hurt when he finally found it again.”

Kate stared at her, stunned.

“I assure you; I have no desire to cause your brother any type of harm.” She assured her.  “But you must know, as his Lordship is perfectly aware, that my focus must be on my sister.  Her happiness is paramount to me.   Your brother has been a tremendous support to me and a staunch ally, I am so grateful for his friendship, but I am a daughter of a secretary with no dowry.  Lord Bridgerton can have no designs on me.”

Daphne just shook her head.

“Kate, my parents were famously a love match.” She told her gently.  “Despite a rather rough start, I love Simon desperately and he loves me.  If my brother decides you are the one he wants, no one in this family will care where you come from or what kind of dowry you have.  What’s more, we’ll stand with you both in the eyes of the ton.  Bridgertons stick together and all we care about is that he loves you and you love him.”

Kate could feel tears gathering at the corner of her eyes and Daphne smiled before squeezing her hand and letting go.

“Now,” she continued briskly, “I’ve done my sibling duty, so get yourself refreshed and join us girls for tea so that we may tell you all the things the boys don’t want you to know, including their weaknesses when it comes to Pall Mall.”

“Does this mean someone might actually explain what Pall Mall is?” Kate asked dryly.

Daphne just gave her a grin and left.  Kate took one last look at her lilies and prepared herself to be immersed in a week alone in the country with the Bridgertons.

God help her.

[lenfaz]

Bridgerton S2, E3

Well, that was a rollercoaster and in almost the best way possible!

After episode 2 I was a little hesitant, but I have to say that this is still going as semi-expected. I have not ranted at the screen (that much)

- Aubrey Hall is every bit as beautiful and enchanting as I imagined it, and I loved how Kate is so taken by it while Edwina is... the Edwina we all know and love

- Newton's apperarances gave me life

- The flashbacks! OMG the flashbacks, I can't even with the amazing work both actors brought to show the heartwrenching moment that it was losing Edmund. We know from the books *why* Anthony doesn't want to fall in love and I was wondering how they were going to tell us/show us that. And I think they did a fantastic job translating those words into the flashbacks we see. I think the addition of seeing Violet going through grief and depression is so powerful. We don't want to think of that, bc is Violet and we know she loves her children and we know she'll be there for them, but this is a very plausible outcome of her grieving and having post partum depression and I think showing Anthony dealing with that at such young age is a great way to show why he doesn't want to fall in love. The scene between Anthony and Violet is just so beautiful and so on point. I cried. I did

- PALL MALL! ok, this was not how my mind ever imagined Pall Mall... (it was a lot more ruthless and rusticating in my view) but I loved every minute of it. It's much too short, MUCH TOO SHORT, but it does a great job to show them being *them* and how much he really enjoys her company without him even knowing it. I loved the heart to heart they had and how he starts to really see her. And how much she's starting to realize she wants him for herself. It's subtle, but you can see it in Simone's performance and it's A-class acting.

- I'm not crazy about Edwina crying over Anthony not proposing, but it's clear that while they tried to hide the truth from her, she knows she needs to marry well to ensure her family's future. That is why she's working so hard to please Anthony and it's so sad when he doesn't propose. It's not because she has feelings for him. That is my story and I'm sticking to it.

- I loved how they managed to weave in the "Kate likes strong tea" into the story. It's a small thing, but it does tie well with this version of Kate and I really like that they have it there.

- I loved that they included the tidbit that Anthony doesn't read at all while Edwina loves books. I'm going to pretend that was a friendly brotherly/sisterly conversation, Lady Danbury and Violet be damned.

- Daphne knows. DAPHNE KNOWS and it's so amazing that she went directly to Kate thinking that was the person her brother chose. Because you know, Anthony couldn't spend more than 2 minutes with Edwina before he needed to find Kate.

- Benedict is a fuckboy, Colin is ... Colin and Eloise whining is getting on my nerves. Also, sorry but Eloise never cared about being compared to Daphne

- WHY IS COLIN NOT EATING IN ANY OF THESE EPISODES?

- I'm not sure I'm liking this Penelope thing, but it is true that she had someone helping her in the books, so I'll accept it for now. I'm bumped that we clearly won't see Anthony going to her rescue and that sucks because I loved that scene so much.

- The bee scene, OMG THE BEE SCENE I CANNOT BREATHE PEOPLE. His angst, his absolute terror that he's going to lose her, you see in his eyes that he's terrified and the way she tries to calm him, and comfort him and the panting and the heavy breathing and omg. It was perfection, perfection, except for... WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT KISS THE WOMAN ANTHONY? But omg, that pent up frustration, once they finally let go... THINGS WILL BE COMBUSTING.

and this is the ranting part: I'm now even more pissed that I was last season that they stole the "I burn for you" line from this book. Not only because it's Anthony's line, but because they stole it from Kate, who needed that line, that love, that devotion, a lot more than Daphne. Daphne was well regarded by all, and praised by her beauty, whereas Kate was the ugly spinster sister of the Incomparable and we know how much she felt that to the core. So to have Anthony telling her that he burned just for her, was such a powerful moment. They better bring me something on this or I'll be mad

- As usual, the Featheringtons continue to be the most delightful thing in this show. Prudence is the best. The best. I cannot believe they didn't give us Felicity, because I would have loved to have the drawing room scene in its full glory in Colin and Pen's book. Also, if coursin Featherington wants Cressida, by all means he can have that wrecked harpy. We all know Portia can rise to that challenge.

[kathonyxbee]

Preventing Another Duel

Happy Belated Kate and Anthony Week! 🐝🌷

This is late, I know, but it took me a while to figure out this fit which I planned for Day 5. Sorry about that. So, this is basically the fic for Day 5 of Kathony Week 🐝🌷

Day 5: "scared of my wife"

Set during TSPWL, knowing about the duel with Simon, Kate hides Anthony's pistols to keep him from engaging in another duel that might get him killed.

Or, Kate is a very protective wife even if it means taking extreme measures and Anthony is a little scared of her.

“Mama?” Edmund asked in a small voice as Kate closed the book she’d just read the boys, and Kate looked up to find both her boys looking up at her with curious expressions on both their faces. Edmund was a mirror image of her husband, the same brown eyes, the same nose, the same shape of his mouth, the same mop of brown hair. Miles was more of a mixture of them both, with Anthony’s bone structure and nose, but her mouth and eyes, darker than Edmund’s, and her hair, a mop of black, unruly curls.

“Yes, darling?”

Her boys exchanged a look, nudging each other until Miles turned to her.

“Was Auntie El kidnapped by pirates?” Miles asked in a small voice. Kate gasped, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

“Miles, why would you say such a thing?” she asked, her brows furrowing in confusion.

“Isn’t that why Grandmama Violet went to the bank to make sure her funds were in order?” Edmund piped up, his brown eyes blinking at her with curiosity.

“Edmund! Where did you hear that?” she stared at her eldest in shock, and concern. They’d all been on edge for the past few days, ever since Eloise had disappeared. Anthony was currently out with Colin and Gregory, doing Lord knows what, while most of the women of the family, minus Francesca and Sophie, were off at Number 5. Even Edwina, her sister, had been alerted, Kate sending her a frazzled note as soon as she could, and Mary, too, both of them writing back to express their concern.

Kate had been at Number 5, too, most of the afternoon, doing her best to comfort Violet, who was beside herself, and keep an eye on Hyacinth and the household, but had left just before dinner since she needed to put Charlotte to bed and Edmund and Miles needed to be bathed, too, and put to bed. Daphne, too, had left not long after, her four children in tow.

Edmund looked down, a crease, much like his father’s, forming between his eyebrows and Miles pinched his lips together.

“Well-” her eldest started, but Miles cut him off.

“You see, Mama, Auntie Hyacinth was telling us this story,” he started to explain, looking up to meet her eyes, “about pirates and this cousin of the Bridgertons who was kidnapped by pirates and then married one of them and we just thought that Auntie El-” he rambled, trying to explain.

Kate snorted, cutting him off, and both her sons looked at her in surprise as she succumbed to laughter, unable to stop herself.

“Mama? Are you alright?” Edmund murmured, looking at her in concern. “You are acting so strange…”

Finally, Kate managed to stop laughing, and she let out a heavy sigh before crouching in front of her sons, and reached for their hands, clasping them in hers.

“My darlings,” she said softly, giving them a wobbly smile, “your Aunt Hyacinth lives for adventure, but don’t listen to her and let her fill your head with nonsense. Your Aunt Eloise was not kidnapped by pirates,” she told them as firmly as she could. She didn’t like being too firm with the boys, but she was tired and worried for Eloise, and she wasn’t going to entertain this ridiculous theory.

Both boys, sensing that their mother was in a no-nonsense mood, nodded solemnly, letting out a “yes, Mama,” in unison.

And then, Miles added, “but, mama, do you think Auntie El might have been kidnapped, still?”

“Not by a pirate,” Edmund supplied.

Kate sighed, “I don’t think so,” she told them. “Edmund, Miles, your Auntie El is strong, and smart, and she would never let herself kidnapped-”

“Do you think Papa will have to duel anyone?” Miles interrupted her to chime in.

“Miles!” Kate gasped. “Why would you-”

“Because he and Uncle Simon dueled before Uncle Simon married Auntie Daff,” Edmund chimed in.

Kate sighed, huffing, “Edmund, Miles, your father is not going to duel anyone,” told them, once again trying to sound as authoritative as she could. “Not if I have anything to say about it,” she added, under her breath.

Miles’ eyes filled with tears, “are you certain, Mama?” he asked, his voice small, and Kate heart ached as she cupped his small face.

“Of course, darling,” she said softly, wiping away the few tears that had spilled onto his cheeks, still chubby with baby fat. “Your Papa is not going to do anything of the sort, I promise. Not if it means taking him away from us. If there is a conflict with your Aunt Eloise, your father will resolve it in a most civilized manner indeed. All right, boys?”

“Yes, Mama,” they mumbled in unison.

“Now, off to bed with you two,” she told them, nudging them to their beds. Although Bridgerton House had enough bedrooms for all of them, Edmund and Miles were still sharing a room, thought Kate wasn’t sure if it was for Miles’ or Edmund’s benefit. She didn’t mind. When the boys weren’t up mischief, they were the best of friends and both Kate and Anthony were so happy, since both of them had siblings and loved their siblings very much. So much so that Anthony was ready to duel any man who would ever attempt to bring harm or ruin to any of his sisters. Kate did not want to think of what Anthony might do when Charlotte would grow up and have her season. He’d probably convert to Catholicism so he could lock her in a convent. She shook herself and stood up, bending to kiss each boy, bidding them goodnight.

“Goodnight, my darlings,” she whispered, exiting the room.

“Goodnight, Mama,” they both whispered as she shut the door, turning off the light.

Once the door was firmly shot behind her, Kate listened, making sure her husband hadn’t returned before making her way to Anthony’s study. She passed Mrs. Wilson, the housekeeper she’d inherited from her mother-in-law upon their move to Bridgerton House.

“Is everything all right, my lady?” Mrs. Wilson asked, her face filled with concern. “Any word on Miss Eloise?” And, Kate was reminded that Mrs. Wilson had worked for the Bridgertons for years, that she’d known Eloise since she was born, that she was just as worried as anyone.

Kate shook her head, “no, Mrs. Wilson, sadly I don’t know anything. I was just putting the boys to bed. Charlotte is already sleeping,” she told her with a tense smile. “I, uh, I need something from Lord Bridgerton’s study. You may retire for the night, I should like to wait for my husband,” she added softly.

“Of course, my lady. Goodnight,” Mrs. Wilson murmured before going off, leaving Kate alone once more. Taking advantage of the opportunity, Kate made her way to Anthony’s study, shutting the door behind her before getting to work, looking for her husband’s pistols. She’d be damned if she let another duel happen, no matter what.

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

Barely an hour later, after Kate had retrieved and hidden the pistols, sending a letter to her sister-in-law, Sophie, warning her to hide Benedict’s, too, she retired to the drawing room and requested a pot of tea, hoping to calm her nerves. Newton joined her, settling at her feet. She’d just filled her cup with the tea, when the door burst open, causing Newton to lift his head in alarm, and she looked up to find Anthony standing there, a harried-looking Humboldt beside him, Colin and Gregory not far behind.

“Anthony!” she exclaimed, standing up, setting her cup aside. “What-”

“We know where Eloise is!” he announced, striding into the room, passing poor Humboldt, his brothers scrambling to join. Newton became alert, too, rushing over to Anthony and the other two, yapping at their feet. Anthony merely bent down to scratch him behind his ear with a quiet, “good evening, Newton,” which made Kate grin.

“Oh!” she let out a sigh of relief. “Where is she? Is she all right?” she asked as she met Anthony for a hug in the middle of the room, his grip tightening on her, holding her close while Colin and Gregory both lingered behind, Colin no doubt ordering food and more tea. After a few more seconds, he finally released her, but not before pressing a chaste kiss to her lips, and she could feel the tension melt from his body, a tension that hadn’t left him in the past few days.

“She’s all right,” he told her, pulling her to the sofa, Colin and Gregory both plopping down on another one. Newton joined them, the two brothers immediately patting him and rubbing his belly. “Or, at least I hope so,” he added, a little more subdued, and she could hear the worry in his voice, see it in the crease between his eyebrows, a crease that had been permanent for the past few days, and all she’d wanted was to brush it away, but she knew that until he saw Eloise alive and well with his own eyes, it would not disappear.

“Well, what happened?” she asked, glancing at the other two Bridgerton brothers.

“She’s run off!” Gregory replied, his lips twitching with amusement, and Colin snorted. “She’s run off to marry a man,” he added for clarification. Kate’s eyebrows shot up in surprise and she gasped.

“Run off? To get married? Eloise?” she asked, still trying to process the thought.

“Oh, yes,” Colin murmured.

“To a Sir Phillip Crane,” Anthony grunted, unamused. “We found a letter and a pressed flower behind her desk,” he added.

“Actually, Pen found it,” Colin chimed in, smiling proudly, and Kate rolled her eyes. Newlyweds.

“That was a very sensible idea, having Pen look, wasn’t it?” she quipped, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. “I wonder who thought of it…”

Anthony sighed, “yes, you were right to suggest it, dear wife,” he told her, bringing her hand to his lips and pressing a tender kiss to her knuckles. “Quite sensible of you,” he added.

“Indeed. I am the sensible sister, after all,” she murmured acerbically. “And, where is this Sir Phillip Crane located?” she wondered, taking another sip of her tea.

“In Gloucestershire,” Anthony answered her question. “Not very far from Wiltshire, where Benedict and Sophie live,” he added.

“We’ll be heading there,” Colin informed her. “We must deal with this Sir Phillip individual as soon as possible,” he said, cracking his knuckles.

“I assume Benedict will join you?” she asked, though she already knew the answer. Benedict was Eloise’s favorite brother, after all, the two of them sharing a very close bond.

“Indeed,” Anthony nodded.

“I am, too,” Gregory chimed in. “I should like to give that Sir Phillip a piece of my mind,” he added, crossing his arms, trying to appear as scary as his older brothers, but he failed. Still, Kate found it sweet that Gregory was ready to beat up a man he didn’t know for his siter.

“Absolutely not!” Anthony snapped.

“I agree with Anthony, Greg. I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Colin added, trying to sound a little more gentle.

“And, I think it’s a splendid idea for Gregory to go,” Kate chimed in, straightening up a little. “He is your brother, too, and if he wants to go, he should. He is three-and-twenty, after all. He’s an adult,” she said, glancing over at her husband who had an inscrutable expression on his face. She reached for him, her fingers gripping his wrist lightly, bringing his attention to her, and their gazes met. “Anthony,” she said gently, “I know you think of Gregory as a child, but he isn’t. And, if he wants to go, you should take him with you,” she said softly, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles in a comforting manner, and she felt Anthony relax slightly beneath her fingertips.

Anthony sighed heavily, but they both knew she’d won the argument, and she couldn’t help but smirk, a little too pleased with herself.

“Very well. Gregory, you may join us,” he declared, and Gregory beamed, please. Then, Anthony stood up, “now, I shall go make preparations right now.” And, with that he stalked out of the room, no doubt going to his study.

The remaining Bridgerton brothers glanced at each other.

“Think he’ll duel Sir Phillip, too?” Gregory whispered, or tried to, anyway, but Kate heard him.

“I’m sure,” Colin nodded just as Humboldt returned with a tray of food. “Oh, Humboldt, you are a Godsend!” he exclaimed upon seeing the food.

The butler grinned, “not quite, Mr. Bridgerton. I am just doing my job,” he muttered.

“Thank you, Humboldt,” Kate added with a smile as Newton yapped at Colin and Gregory’s feet.

And then, there was the sound of crashing coming from down the hall, grabbing their attention.

“Kate!” Anthony bellowed loudly and Kate stood up, seeing Newton lift his head, too, but he made no move to leave the room. “Kate!” he yelled again, and she sighed.

“Excuse me, I am going to see what your brother is yelling about,” she told the other two before leaving the drawing room and rushing to Anthony’s study.

“Anthony!” she hissed as she entered the study, shutting the door behind her. “Do you want to wake Charlotte or the boys up?”

“Forgive me,” he muttered apologetically. Then, he turned to her, “Kate, darling, have you seen my pistols by any chance? They were in their case and I really do need them,” he said sweetly, but she wasn’t fooled by his tone.

“Nice try, Anthony,” she rolled her eyes. “I hid them,” she told him simply, not seeing any reason to hide the fact.

Anthony grunted, “Kate, you must give them to me,” he told her firmly. “I need them right now,” he added.

“To do what? Duel him? Absolutely not!” she snapped, scowling, crossing her arms.

“Kate…” Anthony edged out, gritting his teeth in annoyance. “I need them, and I don’t want to waste all night looking for them, so would you please just tell me where they are?”

“Now why would I do that?” she tutted. “I’m not going to enable you to get killed,” she added, pursing her lips, trying to catch his gaze.

“Kate…” he muttered, trailing off before he moved closer to her. “She is my sister. I must defend her honor,” he added, a hint of desperation in his tone.

She sighed, her expression softening as she lifted her hand to cup his cheek. “And you are my husband,” she said sofly, her gaze meeting his, her dark brown eyes staring into him, searching for something, something like an answer.

“Kate, when gentlemen are faced with certain situations, they must do what needs to be done. I am very well-educated in the matter, I know what to do,” he said, his own voice husky as he instinctively leaned into her touch.

Kate rolled her eyes, “ah, yes… leave it to the men. Of course. Because you know exactly what to do,” she grumbled. “Don’t be ridiculous, Anthony. Duels aren’t guaranteed. No matter how well you know what needs to be done, you can never predict how that bullet will move,” she said, pursing her lips.

Anthony just shook his head and pulled away, averting his gaze, and Kate’s stomach flipped nervously.

“What happens if you kill him?” she asked in a low voice, her heart hammering in her chest.

Without looking at her, her husband sighed, “I shall have to run away. Benedict will be head of the family in every way that matters and when Edmund is of age he can take over,” he told her.

“You would abandon me?” she asked, her voice uncharacteristically small, and she tried to catch her husband’s gaze, but he seemed intent on avoiding it.

“I would not have a choice. But, hopefully it won’t come to that if Eloise marries him,” he sighed.

Her brows knitted together as she struggled to ask her next question. “And, if you- if Sir Phillip k- kills you?” she whispered, her voice breaking on the last word.

“Edmund would inherit everything,” he told her, his own voice low, defeated.

“You would do that to Edmund? After what your father’s death-”

“Don’t bring father into this!” he growled. “That was an accident-”

“And this would be of your own reckless stupidity!” she snapped, cutting him off. “Yes, that sounds like a much better idea, Anthony. Either you kill him and you’re as good as dead or he kills you and you leave your children without a father and me a widow? Capital idea, my lord!”

“Kate-” he tried cutting in, but she didn’t let him, she wouldn’t let him.

“After everything we’ve been through, after all the pain you’ve endured thinking you would die soon, you would do something so reckless?” she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest as she glared at him. “How could you even… how could you even fathom leaving me?” she asked, shaking her head. “Leaving the boys and Charlotte?”

“Kate…” he repeated, but this time his voice was low, defeated, and she shook his head.

Slowly, she made her way to him and reached to cup his cheek once more, her thumb stroking along his jaw, and Anthony immediately relaxed, leaning into her touch.

“Anthony,” she murmured softly, “look at me. Please look at me, Anthony,” she begged. Finally, he tilted his head and met her gaze, his deep brown eyes shining with emotion, that crease between his eyebrows formed, a mark of the turmoil he felt. “Do you know what the boys asked me when I was tucking them in?”

“What?” he whispered.

“They asked me if their papa would duel like he did with Uncle Simon,” she told him, her voice gentle, not judging. “And, I told them you wouldn’t. I promised them you wouldn’t. I promised them, do you hear me?”

He nodded.

“I made a promise to our sons that you wouldn’t do anything like that. Don’t make me break that promise, Anthony. Don’t duel Sir Phillip. Just go and deal with this like a civilized person, okay? I know you can do it.”

Finally, he nodded, though the crease was still there, that tiny indentation of his skin that told her of her husband’s emotional state.

“Say it,” she whispered, her own voice thick with emotion. Her face was mere inches from his, their noses almost brushing, their breaths mingling a little. “Say it, Anthony,” she repeated, her voice a breathless whisper, cracking.

He sighed, “okay. I promise I will not challenge Sir Phillip Crane to a duel,” he told her, his voice firm, but resigned. “I give you my word, Kate. Do you hear me? I give you my word,” he swore, his voice firmer this time.

“Good,” she nodded. “You better not get yourself killed, or I will kill you myself,” she hissed, and his lips twitched slightly in amusement, but he nodded, still. Kate lifted her finger up and caressed the crease between his eyebrows, trying to smoothen it before tilting her head and brushing her lips against it, kissing it. When she pulled away, she looked into her husband’s eyes again, “I mean it, Anthony. Don’t you dare try to do something like that or I’ll kill you myself,” she added.

“I won’t. I promise,” he muttered before tilting his head and pressing a kiss to the inside of her palm. Then, he wrapped his free hand around her waist and pulled her closer. “Oh, come here, wife,” he whispered, pulling her in for a kiss she eagerly returned.

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

“What is the child doing here?” Benedict demanded as soon as Anthony, Colin and Gregory hoped out of the carriage.

“I am not a child!” Gregory snapped, affronted.

Colin shrugged, “he’s not. He’s an adult. What were we supposed to do? Leave him there?”

“Yes!” Both Benedict and him exclaimed, huffing in annoyance. Colin and Gregory both shot him pointed looks.

He sighed, raking a hand through his hair, “unfortunately we could not leave him. Kate wouldn’t let me. She practically forced me to take him,” he informed his younger brother.

Benedict nodded, “I see.”

“Hmph.”

Colin grinned jovially, “isn’t this great? A Bridgerton Brothers adventure?”

Anthony scowled at him, “Colin, do I need to remind you what exactly we’re doing here?”

“No, of course not! We shall all attack Sir Phillip,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Perhaps we should duel him,” he added. Gregory snickered. Anthony scowled.

“Colin is right,” Benedict said.

“About what?”

“Dueling Sir Phillip, of course! I hope you brought your pistols,” his younger brother said, his lip twitching slightly.

Anthony said nothing in response and merely swallowed thickly.

“Well?” Benedict snapped, turning to him. “Where are they?”

Anthony sighed, and did his best not to meet his younger brother’s gaze. Colin and Gregory exchanged amused looks, and Anthony flashed them both a glare.

“Don’t even-” he hissed when the two younger Bridgerton brothers looked to each other again while Benedict just looked confused.

“Anthony-” Gregory started to explain, his lip twitching slightly.

“Our dearest brother-” Colin interjected, eyes shining with mirth.

“Oh, do get on with it,” Anthony muttered, filled with irritation. Colin snorted.

Gregory just beamed, “well, you see, Benedict, our dearest brother, Anthony-”

Realization dawned on Benedict’s face. “You don’t have them,” he said, letting out a heavy, disappointed sigh.

“No, I do not,” he nodded, not particularly pleased with the situation himself, but he was hoping to keep the exact circumstances to himself. “Are the horses ready?”

“Yes, they are,” Benedict said, leading the three of them to where the horses were saddled up and ready, Colin and Gregory hoping onto two of the horses without waiting for them.

“Do you have yours?” he asked as Benedict hopped onto his own horse, and he grasped onto the saddle, lifting himself up and swinging his leg over, mounting himself.

“No,” Benedict shrugged. “I couldn’t find them, but I figured you’d bring them,” he said as the two of them steered their horses ahead. Behind them, Colin and Gregory snickered. “What is up with those two?” he asked, nodding his head over at the two younger brothers.

“I have no idea. Do you know the way to Romney Hall?” he asked his brother, who just grunted in the affirmative. Colin and Gregory continued muttering quietly between themselves, snickering and laughing like two idiots.

“Okay!” Benedict snapped. “Why are the two of you laughing like two idiots?”

Colin grinned devilishly while Gregory merely grinned, and Anthony wanted the earth to swallow him whole.

“Oh, for the love of God-” he groaned as he kicked his horse, urging the animal into a slow trot.

“Kate took them!” Colin exclaimed gleefully.

“And, hid them,” Gregory snickered.

“Oh,” Benedict shrugged. “Why didn’t you find them? I hear the two of you always play with hiding your lucky mallet. Why didn’t you just look for it?” he asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Anthony stiffened slightly, much to the amusement of his younger brothers. He cleared his throat, “well, you see, Benedict,” he drawled, “I would have except-”

“-except he’s absolutely terrified of her!” Colin chimed, and Gregory chortled while Benedict snorted, obviously amused himself.

Anthony just groaned as they continued to laugh. His brothers were absolutely ridiculous, currently having a laugh at his expense, at the fact that he was scared of his wife. But, if any of them had seen Kate earlier, they would have been scared, too.

“Yes, I am scared of my wife!” he snapped angrily, yanking on his reigns and pulling his horse to a stop. His brothers did the same. “And, if you fools had a wife like mine you would be, too! Yes, Kate hid those bloody pistols and even if I tried looking for them, I would have never found them in time!” he shouted. “Where are your pistols, Benedict? Huh?”

“Uh…” his brother trailed off.

“I thought so!” he huffed. “There will be no duels. God willing, this Sir Phillip Crane person hasn’t hurt Eloise and she’ll marry him and that will be the end of it,” he said, not leaving any room for argument.

“And, if he hurt her?” Gregory asked, exchanging a nervous look with Colin.

“If he’s hurt her, I won’t need to duel him to kill him,” he growled before kicking his horse hard, urging the animal forward into a gallop, his brothers all struggling to catch up with him.

[nowhremuses]

introducing: 𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐬

richard xavier andrews

richie, rich, daddy

twenty-four / april 1st

cis man / he/him

pansexual / panromantic 

radio show host 

loyal, artistic, loud, stubborn, flirtatious, disorganized, careless, hotheaded, funny, charming, protective, dismissive 

you might recognize them as ( hero fiennes tiffin ), or from their aesthetic; ( getting dumb drunk tattoos at sketchy parlors after midnight, empty coffee cups all around his work space, yelling ‘who we fighting?’ and punching the first person that he sees that he doesn’t recognize when a brawl breaks out ).

FAMILY. walter andrews ( father - estranged ), mallory andrews ( mother - deceased ), casey kasem andrews-clussy ( pet golden retriever - shared custody with edwina clussy ) 

more about richie:  ( trigger warnings: death, car accident, child abuse & alcoholism ) 

richie had led a fairly normal and happy childhood, and he was a happy and rambunctious kid. not many could keep up with his speedy actions and words, often growing tired of the boy. his mother never had though, managing to keep up with him and being one of only two people that could get richie to calm down. 

their favorite activity to do in those moments was to sit at his mother’s grand piano with her and learn how to play with her. he had been doing so since he was as young as four years old. playing together almost every day for an hour, as just a special activity for just the two of them. it also helped the boy get out of his thoughts and take out whatever frustrations he may be feeling when he still didn’t have the words to explain it. 

(DEATH TW START) that is until the day his mother tragically passed in a car accident. he had actually been in the car with the woman when it had happened, and by some miracle had only gotten away with a broken arm and a couple scratches here and there. richie had only been eight years old at the time.

life after the accident was drastically different for the boy. at first he had been confused on why his mother wouldn’t be coming back until it was explained to him by his best friend’s mother. (DEATH TW END)

(ALCOHOLISM TW START) after that it was why his father took to drinking a lot, being drunk more than he was sober. the man couldn’t look at richie without anger and resentment for the fact that his uncontrollable and handful of a son had survived the crash but not his wife. (ALCOHOLISM TW END) 

(CHILD ABUSE TW START) to say his relationship with his father was strained would be putting it very mildly. there was more screaming and yelling, more almost physical fights than there was anything else, more of richie sneaking out to his best friend’s house because it felt more like home than his own than there were of him sleeping in his own bed. (CHILD ABUSE TW END) 

it became his new normal until his dad decided to ship him off to a reform boarding school before the beginning of his freshman year of high school. citing that he didn’t want to put up with richie’s teenage angst bullshit on top of all the other trouble he would get up to in school. It wasn’t always necessarily the boy’s fault; he just got bored and lost interest in class a lot, not for lack of trying or understanding of the topic. 

richie was a fairly intelligent kid, understood school concepts and work. he just got more of it done at the last minute and on his own, at a much quicker pace than a teacher would cover it in class.

richie is a fairly laidback and easygoing guy, spending most of his time either hunched over his piano, at the radio station where he has worked since sophomore year of college or hanging at clubs with his friends. 

he’s also incredibly flirtatious, slapping on a charming smirk and letting his eyes light up with mischief as he makes his way over to the next person to catch his eyes. He can be charming, though at times borders the line of obnoxious at times. 

above all richie is an entertainer, with either cracking jokes and over performing with his acting to get laughs, or playing any instrument he can get his hands on, though he favors the piano and drums. he’s passable with a guitar; though it’s not the instrument he has most fun with. the piano has fond, at times painful memories that pull more emotional performances from him and the drums is the best to get out aggression and play his anger or frustrations out. and you know what they say about drummers in a band. he certainly follows through with those stereotypes. 

connections

main verse. edwina clussy - best friend since childhood / roommate / secretly in love with. richie and edwina have been attached at the hip since pre-school. he’s had feelings for her about as long as well. 

possible connections.

ex-girlfriends / ex-boyfriends ( good terms or bad terms ) 

current hook ups

past hook ups

co-workers

close friends 

drinking buddies 

smoking buddies 

[melodiouswhite]

Oh No, Emotions! Ch. 08

8. Tutoring, traumata and fears

(Warning: discussion of harrowing topics like pedophilia)

Edwina had run away from her foster home at the age of ten and fallen out of school only a short time later. Needless to say, her educational gap was huge.

She had tried to make up for it as best as she could.

Every time she'd managed to scratch together enough money to get herself at least one meal for the day, she had spent the remainder at the library, burying herself under stacks of books.

But of course that hadn't been every day and so she wasn't as up to date, as she would have liked. And at some point she had got to know a group of academics who had ended up on the streets. They had taught her a thing or two and she had listened to them more eagerly than most children would have.

But then she had landed in prison. She had been almost eighteen, so they hadn't bothered with prison schooling. They obviously had thought she was irredeemably stupid. It was so frustrating.

And there were so many things she had never learned anything about.

She hardly knew how modern technology worked. Of course not, after all she had never owned any.

After a while, she had just stopped bothering about it. What good was learning, if she would never be able to use it. Homeless people didn't get jobs. Ex-convicts weren't engaged by anyone either.

But now that she had a home, it was different.

Everyone in this house was intellectual.

Henry and Hastie were both medical doctors, Gabriel was a lawyer, Luise had several PhDs in various fields of psychology and the employees in this house were highly educated as well.

She felt like an uneducated wallflower next to them.

So one day she asked Luise, if it was possible for her to take up her education again.

“Now that I have a home, I want to go to school again”, she told her, “But I've missed so much in the last ten years, that I can't show my face there. So, if I could get some tutoring … I know I can do it! I'm smart, I can prove it!”

Luise considered for a moment. Then she smiled. “Of course, I know that you're smart. In fact, you're a genius. The prison psychologists sent me your files. I will ask Henry to tutor you, while he's on a holiday, until I can find you good tutors. My servants will give you basic lessons on their native languages. As for me, if you need a real psychologist…”

Edwina hated psychologists.

But not this one.

Henry was surprised, when Luise approached him with the request to give their new lodger tutoring in science, mathematics and other subjects.

Even though he was a professor and had taught at the Royal Academy for a few years, he had given up his post. Students were just so frustratingly unruly and unmotivated these days. The educational system wasn't good either, in his opinion. Besides, being a gynaecologist and radiologist was much better paid and more motivating.

But then again, it wasn't like he had anything to do over his remaining holidays.

So he agreed.

There was just one problem.

As a professor and former university teacher, he was used to having fully educated students. But Edwina had the educational level of a sixth grader, despite being already twenty.

Henry wasn't used to having to consider that.

“What if I expect too much of her?”, he asked worriedly, “What if she doesn't know something and I get impatient and pushy? I never taught primary-school pupils, not to mention school drop-outs!”

Luise chuckled. “Don't worry, chap. The girl knows more than you think. She's intelligent, curious and motivated. You will enjoy teaching her.”

Then the German briefed him in on what the young woman needed to learn, before she could go back to school properly.

Edwina was as ecstatic as she was anxious. She knew that Henry was a professor in addition to his many doctorates. She couldn't believe that he actually had agreed to help her catch up!

What a privilege!

But what if she disappointed him? What if he would think she was-

“Edwina?”

She blinked.

Henry was looking at her with concern. “Are you alright, dear?”

Edwina blushed. “O-oh yes, yes, I'm fine, I-”

She stopped short. “Wait. Did you just call me 'dear'?”

The doctor blushed harder than she did and stumbled over his words.

“I … I … did I? So-sorry, I didn't mean to – argh, how weird of me! What the hell was I thinking, already going to – oh crap, that's awkward!”

At that, Edwina could only laugh. That man was so adorable!

“It's fine”, she giggled, “It just surprised me, that's all. Shall we start?”

Awkwardly, her new teacher scratched the back of his neck. “O-of course. We'll begin with mathematics and see how far you're there.”

Not to be offensive, but Henry was pleasantly surprised, when he saw that Luise had been right.

For someone who had dropped out of school at the age of ten, Edwina was rather knowledgeable. She was quite advanced in natural sciences and mathematics and really loved the subjects. She was also a talented artist (unlike a certain telepath he knew) and had a solid grammar.

Sure, she knew next to nothing about modern communication devices, but that was okay. He too was still struggling to adapt. Those blasted smartphones got new useless additions and apps at least once a year (it was maddening!). One of the others would help her with that.

Henry also suspected that sexual education would be problematic. And indeed, her face became stone, as soon as he brought it up. But Edwina took a deep breath and told him to continue. She was obviously revolted by the topic. Nevertheless, she pushed through and forced herself to listen, which was as admirable as it was sad. He did his best to sound as neutral and professional as possible. But failed miserably in the face of all the first hand experiences she was able to supply.

She looked visibly disturbed, when he burst into tears.

“Henry, what the hell-?!”

“Don't judge me!”, he sobbed, “How else am I supposed to react to something like that?!”

She sighed: “Look, it's fine-”

“Don't give me that crap!”, he snapped angrily, “Don't tell me that it's fine! It's not fine! How can you expect me to be calm after hearing about you going through shit like that?! How can you be so calm about it?!”

She rolled her eyes. Damn, what a crybaby!

He dried his tears and rasped: “Forgive me … I'm such a terrible teacher. I should be able to handle that shit and still I burst into fucking tears over it.”

She noticed the self-loathing in his voice and statement – and hated it. He shouldn't hate himself, just for being emotional.

Something deep inside told her that she should hug him tightly and pat his back. First he stiffened in surprise. But then he relaxed and hugged her back.

“Hey, it's okay”, she muttered, “At least you care. I've heard people talk about it, who obviously didn't give a shit. It's okay to be a crybaby, as long as you care.”

She felt him heave a heavy sigh and his hug tightened, as if he was clinging to her for emotional support.

“Oh, Edwina … I'm such a mess …”

She rubbed circles on his back and mumbled: “It's okay. I'm a mess too.”

Henry sighed once more, then he let go of her. “Thank you”, he whispered and stroked her hair.

The brunette blushed a little, but shrugged it off.

“Sure. Now, let's continue. With the lesson, I mean.”

For a moment, the tall blond blinked in confusion. Then he caught on.

“Oh, yes, yes. Now where was I? Oh, right. Well, since we covered prostitution, STDs, the laws on sexuality and consent (or lack thereof), I think we should move on to something less … harrowing. So we'll begin to talk about gender and sexual and romantic orientations today and cover it in detail in the next days.”

Now that was a topic she could find interest in.

“That lesson was a catastrophe!”, Henry groaned later, during a conversational therapy session with Luise. “Absolutely horrid! I was such an idiot! And so unprofessional! Here I thought I could talk about that topic as calmly as any teacher would … but when she provided first hand examples of underage prostitution, it just … broke me. I bawled my eyes out right in front of her. I should have comforted her and instead she had to comfort me!”

He buried his face in his hands. “Reminds me of the other reason I quit my old job … I just can't be a good role model for shit!”

Luise shook her head. “Henry, don't beat yourself up over it. You cried, because this is a disturbing topic and because it made you upset, that she has gone through so much crap. This has nothing to do with you being too soft or Schwachsinn* like that. Any decent person would flip their wit over that and Edwina knows it. I think she felt better knowing, that you hate the thought of someone hurting and using her.”

“I do”, he whispered. “She deserves the best things in the world! Not this shit! No one does!”

“No”, Luise agreed. “No one deserves this at all.”

“I reminded her of it all, just because I failed to choose subjects wisely.”

“Henry-”

“I'm so fucking stupid! What the fuck made me think that talking about that subject would be a good idea?! Now I've torn her old wounds open! All I do is hurt her!”

“Henry, don't go there-”

“I made her cry the other day.”

“Henry-”

“Why am I this way? Can I ever not hurt people?”

“Henry, nein**.”

“I'm so horrible and messed up, I bet she thinks that I'm a psycho, I-”

“Henry, stop it!”

“What if she ends up like him? What if something happens to her and it's my fault-”

“HENRY, STOP IT!!!”, she yelled, making him wince.

“Entschuldige***”, she sighed and took his hand. “But Henry, please. How often do I have to tell you-”

“I know, I know”, he interrupted her impatiently, “You think that it wasn't my fault and that he wouldn't want-”

“I know that it wasn't your fault! And that he wouldn't want this! I've been trying to tell you this for twenty years!”

The doctor slammed his hand on the table. “You're digressing, dammit!”

“Am not! I'm trying to help you, Henry! But you don't listen to me! How can I help you, if you refuse to listen?!”

Hearing the distress in her voice, he froze. He hadn't meant to make her upset, she knew that.

Luise gave him and herself a few minutes to calm down, before she continued sadly: “He loved you, Henry. He adored you. He wanted you to be happy. To see how much you suffer because of him, how you blame yourself for his death, that would break his heart.”

“He died of a broken heart!”, Henry croaked. “And it was my fault!”

“Henry, please don't do that to yourself”, Luise pleaded. She opened her arms. He came around the table, sank onto his knees and cried into her lap.

After over twenty years, he still wasn't over his death. Worse, he had developed some extremely unhealthy coping mechanisms. It ranged from anxiety attacks to hearing their late friend's voice in his head. Yes, Henry still heard his voice and talked to him, as if he was still alive. And for that he hated himself, among other things.

And now there was Edwina.

The German knew that Henry recognised his late friend in the tiny brunette, when he looked at her. They all did and that was no wonder; Edwina was his spitting image, safe for her healthy constitution (he had been far more fragile), her feral, piercing eyes and the dark rims around them.

Luise didn't believe in such coincidences. And even if she did, there was no way this was one. Except for Edwina herself, they all knew. Luise and Gabriel knew, but never brought it up. Hastie knew, but suffered in silence (except for when alone with Luise). Henry knew, but couldn't handle it at all.

“It's not fair”, he blubbered, “I try so hard to see her, not him! But when she's happy, she has the exact same glow in her eyes and then she smiles just the way he used to! It hurts so much! She makes me feel so young and alive again, it's like I need her, I don't know, but every time she's upset, because of something I do, it's like I'm reminded of my old mistakes all over again and I don't want to fail her, like I failed him-”

“Shhhh”, Luise cooed and stroked his hair. “You didn't fail him. The last four years of his life were the happiest, because you and we others were there, remember?”

“He would be so disappointed”, the doctor sobbed, “I'm not the man he looked up to!”

“No, you're not”, she confirmed. “But even if he saw you now, he would never be disappointed in you. And Henry?”

He looked up with teary eyes.

“She isn't disappointed in you either.”

The taller blond just cried harder.

The telepath sighed sadly: “You know, I think that you two have to talk later. Talk it out before dinner and settle the matter, okay? We can't have the two of you engage in self-flagellation because of one small misstep.”

Gabriel had no idea, what the heck was going on.

But when he came into the lounge, he was practically tackled by a distraught Edwina, who kept panicking about hurting Henry-

Wait, what?!

Okay, he told himself, don't jump to conclusions, keep your calm.

“What happened?”, he demanded to know.

Then she told him in detail about the tutoring of the day. At first he was confused, but when she got to the Sex-Ed lesson and what had happened, he understood.

“I thought, that giving some first-hand experiences would be a good idea”, Edwina blubbered, “But it just made him cry and I ruined everything! And then he hated himself, because he cried in front of me, but it wasn't even his fault! I should never talk about myself again, every time I do it makes him cry!”

“Edwina, calm down-”

“I hate it! I hate when he's upset! I don't want him to hurt, especially not because of me!”

“Edwina!”

He hugged her and gently patted her back.

“Edwina, please stop. Don't do that to yourself. You just wanted to be a good student and prove that you understand the topic. Henry knows that. He wasn't upset because of you.”

“How do you know?”, she asked doubtfully, “You weren't there.”

“No, but I know my husband. In fact, I have known him for forty years. Knowing him, he thinks that he hurt you and is flagellating himself for even talking about the subject.”

“That's stupid”, she muttered.

Gabriel frowned. “But it did hurt you, didn't it? Why didn't you just ask him to stop? He would have stopped immediately, if you had told him that it makes you uncomfortable.”

The brunette buried her face in his chest, which made it a bit hard to make out what she was saying.

“I … I thought it would help … to face that shit head-on. Confrontation therapy or something like that.”

The lawyer shook his head. “Edwina, listen. If you want to confront your demons, that's fine. But Henry is the wrong person to do that with. He's not a psychotherapist and has himself a whole bundle of issues to deal with. We all have problems, but Luise is the one who can handle them best. She's a professional psychotherapist and she can help you. But not Henry. In fact, he's one of her patients, or clients, as she calls them.”

At his mild reproach Edwina seemed to shrink in his arms.

“I'm sorry”, she whimpered unhappily, “I didn't mean to …”

“Hey now”, Gabriel spoke softly and ran his fingers through her hair. Luise had told him that this would be fine and indeed, Edwina didn't show any signs of discomfort.

“Everybody makes mistakes. Just talk it out, when you see him. Determine some rules for the future tutoring and establish boundaries to avoid what happened today. Apologise to each other and everything will be fine. There is nothing quite like good communication to solve that kind of problem.”

She looked up to him tearfully. Somehow she looked a lot like an abandoned puppy or a kitten. A twenty-year-old kitten with a long criminal record, but that didn't matter anymore. Suddenly he was feeling a very strong urge to protect this girl. To ease her grief, help her wounds heal and wash her scars away.

“You're not in trouble”, he assured her with a kind smile. “Henry won't be angry or even think less of you, just because of this. He doesn't hate people just for telling him off. In fact, Luise and Hastie do it all the time. They're still his best friends.”

“What about you?”, she asked curiously.

“I don't argue with my husband about things I don't understand”, he stated with a shrug.

Edwina blinked. “Oh. Okay.”

Her mood seemed to brighten up considerably and she finally wound herself out of his hug.

“Feeling better now”, she muttered. “I'll go and talk to him and then we can-”

“Edwina! Gabriel!”

They looked to the door and who else would enter but Henry, followed by a serious Luise.

Gabriel went up to his husband to greet him and, as always, received a hug and a kiss.

“Welcome home, love”, Henry cooed sweetly.

“Hello, sweetheart”, the lawyer replied, “Edwina just told me what happened earlier.”

Henry's smile vanished immediately. “Has she now …”

Edwina's heart twisted a little, when the tall blond turned to her.

But ere she should issue her apology, he beat her to it: “Edwina, I owe you a thousand apologies. I should never even have brought up a topic that obviously causes you grief. I have no idea what I was thinking, but all of this could have been avoided, if I just had let it be, at least for now. Neither of us was ready for it and I should have known this beforehand.”

Awkwardly she scratched the back of her neck.

“Apology accepted. And sorry too. I should've just asked ya to stop and talk about something else. It's just that no one has ever cared before about what I wanted, that's why I didn't say anything. Let's just … not speak of this again. Uhm … would you … still keep teaching me?”, she asked shyly.

Henry blinked in obvious astonishment.

Then he smiled happily. “Of course, Edwina.”

Damn, she loved that smile.

“… so, before we step over to romantic orientations, do you have questions?”

“Yes, actually”, Edwina said, “If a person doesn't identify as a man or woman, but are attracted to men or women, what does that make them? I mean, these people wouldn't be gay or straight, right?”

“There are also the terms 'androphilia' – the attraction towards men – and 'gynophilia' – the attraction towards women. What's the matter, Edwina?”, he asked worriedly, when she cringed.

She lowered her head. “Sorry, it's just … I don't like the suffix 'philia'.”

He frowned. “Because you associate it with … that, isn't it? I see … well, perhaps I should elaborate on what that word actually means, before we continue.”

The word 'philia' came from ancient Greece and simply meant 'love'. It was meant to describe friendship, or a love for things that didn't necessarily have to be of sexual or romantic nature. It was, for example, also used for organisms that thrived in certain environments or substances that reacted well to others.

“I can see, why the word has such a negative association for you, but you need to understand that it's a very broad term. After all, the English word 'love' also applies to an endless variety of things. The same goes for the opposite number, 'phobia'. Do you understand?”

She nodded.

Of course Henry knew, that she would always think of that one thing, when she heard that suffix. That was something he was all too familiar with.

He stacked his papers and put them into his bag.

“That should do it for today. We will cover romantic orientations tomorrow-”

“Henry?”

He stopped in his movements. “Yes?”

“You mentioned phobia. Do you always associate it with a certain thing?”

He hesitated. Then he admitted: “I do. With several, actually. I'm sure Gabriel already told you, but … I'm scared of quite a lot of things. Of some to the point, where it's a real phobia. The others have their fears too. That's what I think of, when I hear that word.”

Edwina looked hesitant and curious at the same time.

Henry knew what she was going to ask, before she asked it.

“I know, it's none of my business, but what kind of phobias do you have?”

For a moment he debated, whether he should tell her or not. But since she was their lodger and lived with them now, he couldn't find a reason not to. After all, they knew everything about each other. And Edwina belonged to their family now.

So he began: “I'll start with Luise. She's terribly afraid of injections and surgery. Several of us have to hold her arm, before Hastie can even vaccinate her. And he is the only one, because he's her husband and she trusts him unconditionally.”

Edwina stared at him with huge eyes. “They're married?! But I never saw them wear wedding bands!”

Henry had to grin. “They don't wear them on their fingers. If you ask either of them, you will learn that they're wearing them somewhere else.”

“Where?!”

She looked so hopeful and curious, that he could only chuckle and shake his head.

“Really, Edwina, your focus changes so quickly, once something new catches your attention!”

The brunette blinked. Then she laughed awkwardly: “Oh yeah … uh, go on.”

“Gabriel has crippling acrophobia. Fear of heights”, he explained, when she looked confused.

“Hastie is afraid of tight places, being stared at and being touched by strangers.”

“And you?”

Henry hesitated. He knew that he was exposing himself to the young woman. But there was no going back now.

“Like I said, I'm scared of a lot of things. Failure, imperfection, being alone, doing unforgivable things, loss. But most of all …”

He swallowed and took a deep breath.

“… I'm afraid of myself.”

Edwina had needed a while to let that sink in. Partly, because it was a rather shocking revelation (at least to her) but mainly, because he had immediately ended the lesson after making that confession.

She was now sitting in her room over the biology and chemistry exercises he had given her. But they were already done (it had been child's play) and now her thoughts were somewhere else.

Fear was a strange thing.

On one hand it was seen as a weakness. On the other, it was necessary in order to survive.

Of course, some fears and aversions were so stupid or easy to exploit, that they became a bane to humanity as a whole.

But what was Edwina herself scared of?

She was afraid to die. And of opening up to someone, only to be used and hurt.

Speaking of which … it hadn't escaped her how Henry had hesitated, before he had admitted to his own fears. She found that she understood it.

Admitting that you were frightened of something was hard.

For a moment, Edwina wanted to go downstairs and speak to Luise.

Then she remembered, that the older woman was a conversational therapist and most likely had a patient right now.

“Where is her office anyway?”, she muttered and put her school work away.

“It's on the ground floor”, a voice whispered, “But she isn't there right now.”

Edwina jumped and shrieked in horror.

“Calm down, calm down!”, the voice cried hurriedly. “It's only me!”

Edwina's face flushed in anger, when Aoimoku turned herself visible next to the door.

“WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!”, she yelled, “YOU SCARED ME OUT OF MY WITS!!! What are you doing in my room anyway?”

The Japanese looked ashamed.

Good. She should be, Edwina thought angrily.

“Please don't shout at me, Miss. I just wanted to see, if the sheets or curtains have to be changed”, the Asian said awkwardly. “Did you not hear me knock?”

“No”, the brunette snarled, still clutching her chest. “Next time I don't respond to the knocking, knock louder! Don't just sneak into my room like a creep! Jesus Christ!”

“I'm sorry, I really am”, the handmaid apologised sheepishly. “Please don't tell onee-san. I don't want to get into trouble.”

Onee-san? That had to be Luise.

“Fine”, Edwina grumbled, “Just don't pull that crap again. It's not funny. Also, I found those musical scores, can you help me with them? I have trouble reading the music sheets.”

Aoimoku smiled. “No problem, onee-san has too. Show them to me and I will explain.”

Never would the brunette have imagined, that she would get a lesson in musical notation from the Japanese handmaid of a German noblewoman.

Or learn how to play Mozart on piano.

But like hell she would say no to that!

Luise was delighted, when she heard, that Edwina was enjoying Aoimoku's piano lessons.

She was a lot less delighted however, when she found out, that Aoimoku had told the younger woman of her inability to read music sheets.

Gabriel, Henry and Hastie were playing board games in the lounge together, when they heard the German's angry voice screaming for her first handmaid.

“What happened now?”, Henry wondered.

Hastie shrugged: “Dunno, but I don't want to be in Aoimoku's shoes.”

The others nodded in sympathy and took a few seconds to pity the poor woman, before going back to their game.

Luise was a difficult mistress and everyone knew this.

---

*Schwachsinn - German for: nonsense, balderdash

**nein - no

***Entschuldige - I’m sorry.

[areacodefan]

Anybody who has ever been through traumatic loss knows that Jonathan Bailey’s S2 depiction of his character’s internal struggle was a total bullseye. I could FEEL Anthony’s shredded, lonely heart in the flashbacks of him as a young man taking over after his beloved father dropped dead. And here, when he freaks out over Kate’s bee sting, she sees him. She really sees him. She understands what is happening to him — perhaps not why, but what, and she instinctively knows to calm him down. Anthony has exposed to her what he believes to be his worst/weakest vulnerability, which she must see if she is to truly know him. (Like Edmund said: the person you love has to see your worst and your best.) The next day when Edwina forces their interaction and Kate keeps Anthony’s secret (it’s her secret, too, but he was so exposed he can only think about how naked he was to her) and he drops into the “ah” both times and it’s all right there all over again but with such profound subtlety in the performance. I think the way Simone Ashley handles that scene is positively mind blowing. The way she humors Edwina, manages the exchange, and connects with Anthony in a really complicated way — I’m not sure I can even articulate the depth and shading she relays about her character and the situation in only a few sentences of dialogue. I think about them a lot and I’m not at all sorry.

#he was gonna say do not leave me #i’m FINE *crying*

[newtonsheffield]

What about anAU of LT. Kate giving Anthony and the Bridgertons a scare after an emergency at the base? I feel like if there was one Anthony would be home LOOSING HIS MIND and everyone’s scared but trying to comfort him?

Ooof. I'm so sorry to inform you that this would not be an AU

Kate is unfortunately going to continue some thrill seeking behaviours in this fic, at least for the first little bit. And Anthony's kind of... focusing his feelings regarding what happened on Kate instead of dealing with them

It had been a normal morning. Well, nearly. Nearly normal. Kate had straddled him this morning as he'd sat in bed, her lips brushing his, tongue sliding lazily against his, their foreheads pressed together.

"Last night was fun."

Anthony rolled his eyes, kissing her nose as it wrinkled at him, "You say that every morning."

Kate sighed, "And do we not have fun?"

It felt a little depraved, to have her grinding against him in her uniform, no matter how much it made him burn. "We have lots of fun."

"Yeah we do." She kissed him one last time, hauling herself to her feet. "I'll text you at lunch." She whistled for newton who went scampering after her, out the door.

And he should have known, when lunch came and went and she hadn't checked in with him, hadn't sent him a selfie, or a "👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅" when he sent one of himself. He'd even posted a picture of himself on instagram and gotten no response. And still, he hadn't worried. Not near as much as he should.

His phone rang near two o'clock, barely looking at the screen as he answered,

"Anthony Bridgerton."

And a panicked voice filled his ears, his heart immediately in his throat, "Anthony it's Edwina, um Edwina Sharma... Kate's sister."

His brow furrowed, "I know who you are, Edwina, what's up?"

"My Mum just got a call, Kate's... Anthony there was an accident during a training exercise."

and everything went black.

When he'd managed to claw his way back to reality, he'd stumbled through his front door, hailing the first cab he saw, completely numb.This couldn't happening could it? She'd fought off fucking dinosaurs, and now she wasn't safe even in an airbase?!

He could hardly breathe, a tight band constricting his chest, until he pulled up at Northolt. Her family wouldn't be there yet, coming from Oxford, she was all alone, just like last time.

"I'm here for Flight Lieutenant Sharma."

"Are you family?"

Anthony but back his irritation at the question, it was enough that he'd had to hear it from someone else, let alone this. "I'm on her list, Anthony Bridgerton."

And agonising moment passed, long and uncomfortable before the guard nodded, "Of course, Mr Bridgerton, she's in the infirmary."

Anthony practically sprinted down the hall, his heart pounding. echoing in his ears, terrified. God, what if she died? What if this was all they'd had? His shoes skidded on the floor as he rounded the corner and-

"Oh for fuck's sake! I told you not to call my Mum!" Kate was dropped up on a gurney, glaring furiously at the doctor currently strapping her ribs.

Anthony sprinted over to her as the doctor muttered. "Flight Lieutenant, as you're well aware I have to contact your emergency contact when you're admitted here."

His eyes raked over her. "What the fuck happened?!"

Kate sighed, "Anthony, I need you to calm down."

"Calm Down? Calm down?! Kate! A cadet apparently put you in the fucking hospital, and you want me to be calm?!"

"It's not a big deal little shrimp, I just have like one fractured rib." Her voice was soothing, her fingers reaching for his hair, the motion that she knew always calmed him. Anthony flinched back.

"Oh! Well now that I know it's just a fractured rib, I'll just go, and leave my girlfriend in a hospital bed!" He was gesturing around wildly as the doctor snickered.

"I like this one, Sharma."

Anthony ignored him, catching Kate's gaze, trying to pin her in place. "Kate, I need you to look after yourself, because I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life doing that, and I'd really appreciate if you didn't die before I get the chance to marry you."

Kate stared back at him for a really long moment, a slow smile spreading over her face. "I'll see what I can do, Shrimpy."

She caught his hand, tugging him by it until he sat in the chair beside her bed, her fingers finally threading in his chair, and finally, Anthony breathed.

"I should be your emergency contact."

Kate hummed, "Can we update that please?" she was talking to the doctor, "He'll give you his number."

"Franklin will bring you a form."

"And your sister is on her way from Oxford with Mary." Anthony said a little guiltily now that her presence had soothed him.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!"

[ironmanrob]

Ironman uk 2021

My first DNF in a Ironman.

Superman, tickling a mans foot and Lego head.

Read all about it in my latest race report.

Bike strapped to the roof and off we go down the m62 after picking kids up from school, have I got my bike shoes, sure have it’s the first thing I packed this time round.

Got as far as Goole, obviously McDonald’s and the fact that a few drivers have warned me my bike is wobbling, checked the bike and I have no idea how it stayed on, luckily I add a few tie wraps and these had saved my machine, but my front side wall was damaged on my tyre so I had to jump on wiggle website to get one sent.

As you know my computer skills aren’t the best so they got sent to my home, Jen had to step in and get some sent to the premier inn we were staying at. Not a great start.

Had to rack before 4pm the following day but my tyres didn’t turn up till 3pm so a bit of quick turnover and managed to be last one racking for the day, then it was time for the big show, game of family 10pin bowling.

Now with my bad right wrist/elbow shoulder this was something I didn’t want flaring up the night before an Ironman but I can’t resist sport and a bit of competition my boys had the buffers up so all was to play for.

Obviously I smashed it and victory was mine with no sustained injuries, bonus.

Met Adrian and Ellen Messingham at the swim start and Adrian looked very lean and ready for battle, we started together as our swims times are similar, technically I was quicker by 14seconds but who’s counting?

The swim felt really good and I managed to get on a guys feet at around 600meters who was swimming well and straight he had green sleeves so easy to see, now and again I kept giving him a little tickle on his feet every 20 strokes or so, I think he liked it and was round the first 1900m in around 35ish minutes. Yea it’s not great but only 5 weeks early at Windermere I swam 1500 in 38minutes and I was toast so a huge improvement.

The last 1900m I jumped back in and thought I had lost green sleeves, he must be missing me by now, after 100 meters I was back on him and gave him a tickle so he knew I was back, we kept our bromance for a further 1000m but at the large orange bouy with 800m to go I got dunked a few times on the hips and legs which brought me to a standstill, I could no longer get back to green sleeves and we didn’t see each other ever again. I decided to just crack on and enjoyed those last 800m on my own I felt great and very fresh.

T1 was smooth ish but almost laughing getting shoes on as I was cramping a little bit so had to keep calm and take my time. Then it was time for the bike, the weather was perfect, warm and dry. I just got my head down and worked through the gears at super easy mode, even with this effort I was flying past everyone.

Settled in nicely for first 15mins then get on the nutrition which a snickers will do nicely, I eat them everyday so I know I can handle a few of these.

I was soon at 30miles in and just felt effortless then I saw Edwina from team Orion, she was so far up the field at this point I knew she was racing well we had a little fist pump with each other and off I went to carry on closing down everyone I could. From here it was around 20miles back to premier inn and another 5 more to transition to do another 2 laps to get the 112mile bike leg complete. At the premier inn all the family was there cheering me on but only for a split second as I was traveling around 30-35mph at this point, the weather was glorious but the forecast was grim.

During the second lap fatigue was starting to creep in on the climbs and the heavens started to open, conditions had changed dramatically and one needs to remove the aggressive Lego head and change for sensible Lego head but I must of missed that lesson at school and on sheep house just over the crest you build speed quickly then a massive right hander just over 90degrees, with the wrong Lego head, carbon rims which don’t work when wet and visor I can handle see through was a recipe for many athletes, me being one of them in the most spectacular fashion. I didn’t just crash I hit the bend so wrong and fast that I took off through the air my bike to the left of me and my body tilting towards the right from the momentum, fist in the air, yeah I’m superman. After 5-7meters of flying through the air like a super hero the ground came up and grabbed me. Arrrrrghhh, my shoulder hurt and I watched enough crashes to realise it’s probably a broken collar bone, but I’ll assess that in a minute. Another massive smash this time another rider had gone down I heard him hit the deck of the tarmac and some folks headed his was, I was no where to be seen I was so far away and in the under growth I became the invisible man. Right if this is a broken collar bone that means I won’t be able to get my arm over my head, I’ll test that theory when I get up and get to the other side of the road, if I stay here another idiot like me will kill me. I picked up the bike and visor and headed to safety.

At this point a couple of walkers described another crash they had seen at the bottom of the hill, it was getting dangerous out here now and I’m beginning to shiver. I needed to force my bars straight and try to dislodge the stuck brakes to get back on, I knew it would be tough to finish now as I still had another lap to do. Getting back on felt suicidal, I was breaking and picking up speed only going around 12mph but felt wrong so I unclipped my left leg and used my cleat as another brake, still bikes welt flying past and I was cringing.

Once down sheep house I pulled over for another assessment. With some help from supporters I got back on but inside I was done my new plan was to get warm ASAP and then go to medical the best way to do this was to ride 7miles back to premier inn and hope the family are there if not continue to medical tent at T2 further down the road. I calculated I would be bloody cold for 40ish minutes so I can handle that, luckily the family was there and we still had our room for 20mins so I went straight into the shower to get warm.

Jen drove me to the medical tent, I was dressed in Elaine’s clothes to get checked over. It’s maybe just maybe not the first time I have wore ladies clothes at the weekend but who’s counting. Strangely enough I looked identical to the character from little nightmares I was certainly having a Ironman nightmare this time. I was in good spirits at this point as it is what it is, I’m there to race my best and I’m on the edge a lot of the time, it was an error and that’s it albeit with serious consequences .

Marie Palframan was in medical and bless her she looked so down, she had pulled out as she felt it was too dangerous on the roads, I tried my hardest to make her feel better bless her and upon leaving Scott Palframan had also pulled from the race, he caught sight of Marie and that was the nail in the coffin for him on this event. There was silver blanket bodies and broken bikes everywhere it was certainly a sight you wouldn’t want to see again.

Now on to Edwina and Adrian, Edwina went on to win her Age group and 5th overall women which is outstanding result and Adrian well he well and truly spanked my rear end that’s for sure!

He finish 9th in his Age Group which is a potential roll down slot for the big Island and of course technically he was quicker then me but who’s counting!

The following day I went to hospital for an X-ray and I’ve not broken anything, I have a ligament problem at the AC point on my clavicle which has made my clavicle drop down. Basically means I’m in loads of pain and off work/sport for two months!

We’ll see about that thou as I have a busy day at work the next day.

[luminis-infinite]

'As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.' For David/Jerry or John/Martha/Gabe OT3~!

“How did you come to love him so dearly?” Gabe asks, all quiet affection and a curiosity that he’s never been adept at hiding colouring his tone. Carefully, he caresses a finger down the space between John’s brows, touch so light it’s barely there. John slumbers on, peacefully unaware and tucked between them. Truly a rose between two thorns, Martha thinks. It’s such a simple question, so mild and innocent, but it holds so much weight behind it. That, coupled with the way Gabe says it, that gentle inquiry, is enough to steal her breath for half a moment. How had she come to love their fiery Irishman so dearly? Her brain supplies her with many little moments, like fits and starts which burst across her memory and bring a smile to her lips. But there is one which races to the forefront and refuses to surrender to any other. Martha cherishes this memory, and perhaps she now knows why. “It was storming,” she begins.The war is in its death-throws - cannon booming out into the night. The residue of black powder hangs thick and heavy in the air, choking human and animal alike. Tonight, the smoke has coalesced into a thunderstorm, roiling and tumultuous. It hangs over the entire sky from horizon to horizon, as far as any of them can see with Martha’s spyglass. Deep, purple-black clouds like bruises, which bring rain and the threatenings of a tornado. All the girls are on edge, frightened by sounds which could either be cannons or distant thunderclaps. Dinner is a jumpy affair; Marie spills the peas and Alicia spills the wine and there are tears when Jane makes a particularly nasty comment. Martha is having a hard time keeping order. Edwina was struck down with a headache, now rests upstairs and leaves Martha and John to tend to the frightened girls. “Enough!” Martha barks, raising her voice to be heard over the din, “This is entirely unbecoming of you all!”She intends to send them to bed early - all of them - just to separate them and let them calm down, but Amy is starting to sniffle again, and Marie still has tears trailing down her cheeks. Her little chin wobbles, and Martha’s heart wobbles in time. “Tell you what,” John murmurs in the aftermath of Martha’s orders, “Why don’t we get this cleaned up, and then you can all get ready for bed. When you’ve said your prayers, you can come back down here and I’ll read you a story, is that alright?”Alicia scoffs, but the other girls - younger and still starry eyed at John’s smile - nod, suddenly much more cheerful. They don’t even squabble during dishes, each of them working quickly to get them done. Then, as the first true thunderhead breaks over the house, the girls rush up the stairs to ready themselves for bed. “You know...” Martha says after a moment of silence, “I don’t quite remember where I was, when he started reading to them? I must have gone to check up on Edwina. All I remember is coming into the music room, and there they were...”Martha’s boot hits the final stair, and she can hear John’s voice. It bleeds like the firelight from the crack in the door, carrying over the heavy rain outside to her ears. She doesn’t know what they’re reading, yet, she hasn’t heard enough, but already her heart melts at the enthusiasm with which he reads to them. With a quietness that comes with years of living in this house, Martha sneaks to the door and peaks inside. All five girls have managed to squash themselves onto John’s bed. Alicia sits, curled up at the end, while Amy and Marie rest their heads on each of his shoulders, and Jane reads along from where she’s leaning against his side. Emily dozes with her head in Marie’s lap, but Martha is quite sure she’s listening intently. He’s reading them Jane Austen, she realizes after a moment. No one is paying attention to the storm anymore. “And as he read,” Martha says, “I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once.”

Disclaimer: I have no idea if Civil War era folks would have had access to Jane Austen’s novels. They were in print, but I’m not sure if they had actually made it to the Americas by this point. My quick internet sweep wasn’t entirely helpful XD. None-the-less, hope you enjoyed!

[newtonsheffield]

Hey I was the one who asked you about the # of chapters we’d get to see them in love for

Thank you for responding so soon and sorry for sending in another ask so quickly after

You definitely don’t have to answer but can we see Anthony finding out that Kate’s expecting bb Ed in Royals? Or if that’s a spoiler you don’t want to share maybe Anthony being protective of Kate while she’s pregnant because he’s scared? Or anything at all with a pregnant Kate?

Hello!

Never feel bad about sending asks, I love getting asks but unfortunately I can only answer so many in my current cycle of sleep deprivation tbh

So... I'm unfortunately saving Anthony finding out about Kate's pregnancy But let's see what happens when there's a teeny tiny little security scare

Anthony was humming to himself as he sat in his parliamentary office the tiny picture of the ultrasound framed on his desk, right next to the napkin Kate had left for him, years ago now, his heart thrumming happily.

As hard as it was to believe given the dire state his life had been in a few years ago, his life was pretty great these days. He loved his wife a little desperately, and for some unknown reason she loved him as well, his sister in law had long since stopped scowling (at least the closest thing to a scowl that Edwina could manage) and even his mother in law and warmed up to him which might have something to do with the tiny life currently growing inside Kate.

Things were really pretty great, even with this new boyfriend of Edwina's looking startlingly like a thor impersonator. Anthony checked his watch, it was far too early, but he knew Kate would be finished with her event in 5 minutes, which naturally meant he hadn't been able to stop thinking about abandoning his office to curl up on the sofa with her and argue about baby names for the rest of the day.

Anthony stood from the desk, collecting his things, barely paying attention to the world around him, which is probably why Milton managed to burst right through the door before he'd noticed.

Anthony looked up a little startled, Milton was the picture of panic his olive skin was paper white, his eyes wide, his shoulders heaving as though he'd just sprinted down the corridor.

"Christ are they about to run out of chips in the dining hall again?"

Milton shook his head, "Sir, I'm afraid I've just been informed there was an incident at the Queen's event as she was leaving."

Anthony's heart stopped, almost too afraid to ask, "What kind of incident?"

Milton shook his head, "Reports are mixed at this stage, Sir, I'm sure it anything had-"

Anthony didn't wait to hear the rest, practically bowling over his secretary on the way past.

"What happened?!" Anthony thundered as he swept into the sitting room.

Kate sighed, looking around indignantly from her position on the sofa , her hand on the soft swell of her stomach. "Oh for fuck's sake, who told him?!" She was looking accusatorially at her mother and sister.

"Neither of them did, which I'll get to later," He glowered at Edwina who rolled her eyes, shooting him a rude hand gesture. "It's all over parliament."

"Anthony will you calm down? It was-"

Anthony spun towards her bodyguard Steve, "Where the fuck were you Steve?! She could have been killed!"

"Anthony calm down!"

"No, Kate! You're carrying our baby, you need to be careful! Not to mention for yourself!" He could feel panic clawing at his chest, threatening to pull him down into a desperate spiral.

"Sir, The team acted as quickly as was possible." Steve said, rolling his eyes, "As you know her majesty prefers not to have a large security team when greeting the public as it-"

"Oh for fuck's sake! It was a kid with a nail file!" Edwina cut across the head of security, engulfing the room in silence.

"It was What?" Anthony's brow furrow, confusion replacing the panic.

Kate sighed, "A kid stepped forward as I was getting into the car, with what looked like a knife, turned out to be a nail file, he was messing around with his sister. It's all been blown completely out of proportion."

Anthony felt embarrassment welling in his chest at the overreaction. "Well... now I feel a little..."

"Stupid? Fucking ridiculous?" Edwina supplied.

"A little unhelpful, Eddie." Kate tutted tugging Anthony down to rest beside her. "Honey, I know that you want to make sure I'm safe, but that's what I have all of these people for. Your job is to get excited about being a Dad."

Anthony leaned his chin against the edge of the sofa, looking up at his wife, "I am excited about being a Dad."

"Good, now apologise to Steve, Please."

"Sorry, Steve."

[newtonsheffield]

Okay

I feel this was needed as a culmination of the angst Lucy I’ve been obsessed with for the last 24hrs but I think it’s an important conversation for them to have in the after.

No, it’s not Gregory’s fault that he had feelings for someone else, and it’s not Lucy’s fault that she realised her feelings much earlier than he did, but it sucks for Lucy that that was the situation. And I’m sure it stings a little when people bring it up.

(Also, sorry to any Richard and Hermione stans this isn’t for you)

Really, in hindsight, the only surprising thing about the conversation with Richard and Hermione was that it hadn’t happened the first time Richard had met Gregory. Though Lucy supposed that he had been a little too busy trying to find out with Gregory was a hotheaded sociopath who was likely to beat her to within an inch of her life than question him about his previous penchant for his own girlfriend.

“So Gregory,” Richard had started lightly enough, Lucy’s patience not spread half as thin as it had been last time they’d had dinner due to their Uncle’s inability to attend. “I hear from Hermione that you maybe had a little crush on her.” Lucy felt Gregory still beside her, his eyes flicking between Richard and Hermione clearly gauging the appropriate response. Lucy’s own shoulders stiffening at the sentence, her chest aching a little when she thought about her own life during that time, the aching loneliness she’d felt sparking again in her chest. Even though her life was so different now.

“Well, she’s a pretty girl.” Gregory said mildly, clearly trying to end the conversation there without offending anyone, and really, it was true. Hermione was stunning, and Lucy could hardly begrudge her that.

“And you couldn’t get her so you went for her friend?” Richard said his eyes narrowing, and Lucy’s stomach clenched uncomfortably tears pricking at her eyes a little ridiculously, something she’d wondered in the early days of their relationship sparking again. She could barely feel Gregory’s hand squeezing hers tightly as he answered.

“No. I love your sister, Richard that’s really all there is to it.” Gregory said firmly. His own eyes narrowing as Richard chuckled.

“Really? Because-”

“Jesus Christ enough Rick!” Lucy said sharply, “why would you even bring this up?! Plenty of people like other people before they get together, it’s fine! You don’t hear me bringing up your crush on Edwina Sheffield all the time!”

“But you were in love with him. The whole time.” Hermione spoke softly for the first time, surprising Lucy with the statement, even as her heart sank. She could feel Gregory’s eyes burning into her curiously as she cleared her throat to dislodge the lump that had formed there.

“And it didn’t matter.”

She could feel Gregory’s eyes on her, quietly watching the entire way home, and she knew he wanted to talk about what had happened. Gregory was always such an open book and she should be thankful for that, thankful for how he practically radiated his feeling outwards like sunshine, but tonight she wasn’t.

“Lucy I think we should talk about this.” He said gently when they stood in the entrance hall of her house, hanging up their coats as Lucy slipped out of her shoes. She barely looked at him when she spoke.

“I really don’t want to.” She said quietly, feeling his hands wrap around her waist, their height difference even more apparent without her shoes on, his frame dwarfing hers like a security blanket but still it stung.

“Still. I think it’s important to clear the air, it’s cool if what he said brought up some things for you. I used to like a Hermione and then I realised I was actually in love with you.” His voice was even, calm, measured and something about the rational way he was talking maybe her prickle with irritation. Because for him this was simple, for her it hadn’t been.

“And I believe you. There, we talked about it.” Lucy said as lightly as she could manage, turning and kissing his cheek before trying to wriggle out of his arms.

“Lucy that’s not what I meant and you know it.” He said softly, and she didn’t know why it made her snap, but it did as she pulled away from him. Feelings she’d held back for months years, spilling from her in a matter of seconds.

“What do yo want me to say Greg?” His eyes widened in surprise his mouth opening to respond but she cut him off. “Do you want me to tell you how many times I cried over you like a pathetic child because you didn’t want me? Do you want to hear how much it killed me when you called me your friend but I couldn’t stand the thought of not being around you at all? What do you want me to say Greg?! What?!” Her voice had listen to a near shout at the end, Greg flinching away from her, a tight expression on his face face as though her words hurt him as much as they hurt her to say it.

“Lucy, I’m so sorry, If I could take it back I would.” His voice was shaking now, his arm outstretched towards her, waiting for her to take it as tears stung at her eyes.

“That’s the worst fucking part Greg! It’s not your fault that you didn’t want me! I don’t blame you for that, but as much as I wanted to hate you for making me fall in love with you, I couldn’t because you didn’t even know! You did it so easily you didn’t even fucking notice!” And it wasn’t fair of her to say it, but it came tumbling from her mouth anyway. Her chest aching at the pained expression she’d put on his face.

“You fell in love with your friend, slowly and that’s beautiful Greg and I love that. But I fell in love quickly, and it fucking sucked.” It sounded petulant even to her own ears. A child wailing because they didn’t have what they wanted. Except she did. Before she knew what had happened, Gregory’s arms were wrapped tightly around her, pressing her against his chest, his voice urgent in his ear.

“Lucy, I love you so much and I’m so so sorry that I hurt you, I hate that I did but I can’t change it. So I am going to love you every day for the rest of my life and you’re never ever going to feel that way again.”

And though she’d told herself when she sat in Kate’s front lawn she’d never cry over Gregory Bridgerton again, she did for the rest of the night. Only this time, in the morning, she felt better.