#and actively harmful depending on what you're trying to accomplish at worst

[trashiecat]

idk i think a lot of people fail to realize that most other people are, in fact, just people also

[bsotted]

like. imagine there was another word that just meant “gay” that got really popular. lets say the new word they decided to use was blay. and the people who identify with blay take every opportunity to make sure you know theyre not gay. and you ask them what makes blay different from gay and they say i’m so glad you asked. blay is actually trans inclusive, unlike gay. people who identify as blay are attracted to men AND trans men, because trans men obviously as we all are aware don’t fall under the umbrella of men unless you other them on purpose in order to be inclusive. anyway can you imagine being one of those transphobic gays that wont date trans people? what do you mean gay men date trans people all the time and it doesn’t invalidate their sexual orientation? of course it would i mean how could you say youre attracted to men since that obviously excludes trans people since trans men aren’t REAL men? I mean oops, hearts not parts! 😘 hahaha i’m so glad i’m not one of those lusty horny dirty sex obsessed gays who will sleep with literally anyone. i’m so proud to be one of the wholesome pure ones who actually values creating an emotional connection with my partner, since as we all know thats not what gayness is, its nasty and depraved and loveless and so widespread as a sinful phenomenon that i need a different word to make the point that i’m not like that. here, look at this flag i made for us!

like we can all see how that stance is both transphobic AND homophobic right. like we can see how the aids crisis and purity culture and whiteness created this construct right. youre trying so hard to be inclusive you’ve wrapped all the way back around to totally offensive.

like we know that queer people are capable of being queerphobic. so what can you possibly say to someone whose internalized homophobia goes so deep that even once they realize they belong in community with the rest of us they still feel the need to make up a whole other word to make sure no one confuses them for one of us? like how can you tell your gym class bully who beats you up for acting gay that the reason he’s so triggered by you just existing is because it reminds him of the things he used to do that his dad beat him so badly for that just the memory of it makes it painful and terrifying to see someone else just living their life not performing masculinity to that same standard. you cant teach him that because he’s actively beating you to a pulp. he needs to hear it from someone he either respects or fears and unlearn the homophobia first, because he’s homophobic while gay. and so how can you tell someone who still uses pan in 2023 that what they're doing is harmful when they think they're singlehandedly protecting the correct gender and sanctity of the rest of the community by doing so?

and the worst part is that using pan does NOTHING to protect you from the homophobia of the people who are bound and determined to be homophobic. the loved ones you’re most afraid of because you’re scared to be lumped in with actual bisexuals will need you to define your microlabel anyway. when they google it and find out it includes same sex attraction under is umbrella they will not be impressed that you're trying to be "trans inclusive" about it. if they were going to be bigots in the first place using pan instead of bi isnt going to fucking save you from them. and in your heart you know that and thats why you use pan primarily to signal to the rest of the community that you're One Of The Good Ones because your comfort depends on it but instead the ONLY thing you’re accomplishing is alienating the people who want to welcome you to the community so badly.

and look. nobody has to use any label. you don’t have to use any word at all if you dont want to, all words are equally made up. but if you are really really really attached to using pan. please ask yourself seriously why you are resisting bisexual so strongly and what you believe about bisexuality that is leading you there. if you really believe bisexuality isn’t trans inclusive please take another look at google. if you really believe bisexuals literally just date any person and don’t care what they’re like as people and are all promiscuous and that that is bad, please take a deep breath and look around and really try to internalize that you are not in the basement of your church at youth group anymore. the folding chairs are gone and you’re safe. and try to think about who taught you that was true and why they might have wanted you to believe that. use your brain. use your smartphone. if you’re looking at this post you have access to the internet.

and please know that this is a message that i am delivering with as much love as i am capable of as a person who USED to identify as pan. i know these things are true because i used to think this way and someone brave and kind but a little sick of the bullshit gave me a wake up call. this community has space for you, i promise.

i'm REALLY tired of celebs coming out with this energy of having been sitting on their truth for a long time and deliberating but going to the media and then choosing to use the pan label i'm so fucking tired dog i'm so sick of it. just admit that you dont see trans people as their real gender but instead as a sub-class of men or women and that you don't understand what nonbinary means. just admit that you believe bisexual is a dirty gross label because the biphobic rhetoric worked on you. christ.