#and Porsche: thank fuck he's not a worker because that's three HR violations

[snickerdoodlles]

Seeing KimChan one made me want a KinnPorsche one too: A non-angsty Kinn×Porsche headcanon too please

(KimChay link)

ayyyyy its my boys!! who i also usually make cry and hug their brothers 😶 it's kinda funny for me, all my fic plots involve getting Kinn and Porsche to a happy ending, but i really had to think on what their happy end would actually entail 😂 so many things wrapped up in brothers and friends... but i knew i had some laying around somewhere tho, so;

i have very, very, very strong feelings about Kinn taking the family mafia business, dropping the drugs, and taking it to shady legal business. Kinn doesn't want to run the mafia, none of them want to run the fucking mafia, and he will have an epiphany sometime shortly after (or right before) Korn chokes that he doesn't have to keep his father's shitty legacy. i'm getting off topic--my point is that Kinn drops the mafia like a hot potato, all the boys go on to live lives without the fucking mafia, and Kinn discovers the wonders of getting to hire assistants who are trained as assistants not bodyguards and the glorious wonder of emails. Kinn fucking loves emails. remember when he shot that accountant in episode 1? Kinn's internal dialogue was "why the fuck did i have to come for this, this could've been an email." now he can send emails and hold zoom calls instead of going to meetings with homophobic jackasses that point guns at him and it's amazing.

right, back on track: i also have very, very, very strong feelings about how goofy Kinn and Porsche are together. they're two boys who have always had too much responsibility on their shoulders, and i love that Kinn feels safe with Porsche to be a goof. he dances like a dork in the club, gets farted on underneath the sheets, flirts almost exclusively in gun puns. Porsche is so, so unbelievably fond of this fool, he wants to bundle him up in his pocket to keep for the next 50, 60, 100 years--he'll never have enough of him.

"but wait!!" you cry, dismayed. "if they drop the mafia, how will Kinn know how to flirt!!"

never fear!!!! Kinn might not have gunfire to set the scene anymore, but he has BUSINESS PICKUP LINES

"don't they have programs for this," Porsche teases the next time Kinn works through lunch. "i don't believe in automation, i'm all hands on," Kinn retorts before fucking him against the window.

"hard at work?" Porsche asks, taking up as much space as he can find on Kinn's desk like a brat. "hmm, i'm a little stuck--want to assist me with this insertion order?" Kinn asks, reaching for his zipper.

"enterprise THIS," Kinn says while grabbing Porsche's ass, which makes zero sense but Porsche doesn't even care.

each line is terrible. Porsche falls for every single one of them. he complains extensively about it, then turns around and hits Kinn with "all this problem solving has me wanting to create problems" and gets railed in the conference room.

people in love are the fucking worst (--HR's most frequently received complaint)

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