#and I'm too cautious to ever insert myself into my friends' lives. especially when they have a partner
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mini vent so I can sleep
#idk why i deleted my vent blog i need to make a new one#vent kinda thing#peppa talks#my mum's side of the family were all really close and i pretty much grew up with my cousins and we'd see each other all the time#big events like Christmas we'd all be together#but then also random things through the year like meals and parties and holidays we'd do together#but now that we're all grown up they don't really come to any family events anymore#they've all got partners and some are getting married and having kids and even the ones my age are in committed relationships#where they'll go to their partner's family events#and just feeling the family grow apart when i know I'll never have that?#I don't want a partner and I'm happy with that fact. but seeing everyone else drift away just hurts sometimes#like. what happens to me when they're all gone? it already happened last year when they all went to new years with their partners#and i was left alone with my parents aunts and uncles all telling me i should be off having fun like the others are doing#but I miss how it used to be and the fun i used to have with the family. and i just don't know what's going to happen when i never date#and I'm too cautious to ever insert myself into my friends' lives. especially when they have a partner#because i always put myself as their last priority and nobody has ever contested my placement#i know it's my fault and I'm self sabotaging but i give my all to all my friends and even when I'm putting all the work into the friendship#they'll still let me drift away and stay as the lowest priority#so when I'm older who am i going to have? I've never been close enough to my friends for them to take me in#my family will have their own families#and I'll just be. there#I'll always continue to believe in people and hope they think to take me on. or even that my family gets closer again one day.#but so far the hope has gone unproven#this got into a much longer vent than i thought#i know it's just 1am thoughts and I'll be better in the morning but it's been lingering with me for a few days now so i needed to get it out
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