#and I'm constantly determined to do everything myself (yes I'm learning how to temper this with asking for help when I need it)
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
.
#tag talk#BY THE WAY: I'm not necessarily anti-meds or anti-psychiatry. or at least not generally as a worldview#it's one of those “my truth is not necessarily your truth” things. I fucking hate being dependent on anything from meds to medical help#and I'm constantly determined to do everything myself (yes I'm learning how to temper this with asking for help when I need it)#funnily enough the only place I've really found on reddit where this attitude is accepted/agreed with is the schizoid sub because it's a#a bunch of people with like little to no drive to reach out to others or to ever get help and toxic independence traits#which honestly feels very comfortable to me. the bipolar sub is very against anyone being anti-treatment (which makes sense I guess since#since severe bipolar will absolutely fuck your life up without treatment so pushing an anti-psychiatry view there could have harm)#and the bodymod sub doesn't allow diy work at all (yada yada safety concerns) which I understand on a moderation level but is still annoyin#idk. if I were serious enough to genuinely need meds or more therapy I would stay on it. but I can do it myself so I will do it myself.#people are like “but you don't have to struggle on your own uwu” I'm not. I have a 3 friends and I'm happy with that. I know how to ask for#for help now. it's a skill I deliberately learned and now I'm not so isolated. but I also don't want to deal with bullshit with#with limited efficacy. I'm going to do it my way or not at all. is that needlessly stubborn of me? probably. will that knowledge change#change how I do anything? absolutely not. I don't care. I can and have sabotaged myself in resistance to being told what to do.#and I will do it again. I don't give a fuck. I'm not caving to anyone or anything.#my work denied my time-off request for an upcoming family wedding and I was seriously considering going in and threatening to quit over it#but I thought it through and realized I didn't Really wanna go to the wedding anyway? it's just performative family bonding. there's only#only like two people there I would want to see anyway so I decided it wasn't really worth fighting over.#but next time I actually give a shit about the time off I'm going in and sitting down and fighting for real. because I'm not#not about to be told what I can and can't do by my fucking job. especially when I put in the time off well ahead of when I needed to#I'm just rambling now. anyway. I'm annoyed cause my phone didn't charge last night cause I put the charger wrong so it was on 15% this morn#so i"m stuck using tumblr desktop version yeuck#tragic: local girl forced to get dressed and sit up straight to check tumblr instead of lying in bed cozily on his phone.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
the "i'm still alive and working, i swear!" status update: year 2 edition
(mirrored on dreamwidth)
Awright, here we are, 730 days later. i think we can all agree that it's a downright damning reflection of the glacial pace at which i work that technically speaking, what i'm here to write is more or less exactly what i wrote this time last year. The circumstances are still basically identical; i'm the sole reason for the holdup, life keeps getting in the way, but i'm Working On It And Will Finish The Damn Thing i Swear.
Don’t worry, though. This time, i actually have something resembling progress to share. It's pretty good, too, if i do say so myself.
Here's the basic deal of what's going on, then. After a long-ass break i've been working steadily on it for about six months now, illnesses and my job at the University of Canberra permitting, and while i'm still pretty inarguably far behind what any reasonable person would consider a schedule, i'm making pretty good headway. Along the way this became less of an editing pass on what i've already written, and sort of snowballed into going back to the drawing board in places: poring over the Japanese script again, comparing, contrasting, picking apart every possible angle of every single text block, noticing parts that don't quite comport or where i've gone off the rails, translating completely from scratch where necessary to correct the oversights in question, and not moving on until i'm completely satisfied with the wording compared to the original.
Christ, that's a much more dramatic way of putting it than how it actually feels to do it.
As i've said before, my first go-around was a learning process where my grasp on the task was still very much developing, so i'm inclined to think that such close scrutiny is basically necessary on my part; i can't really afford to let past me off the hook and ensure that he had the literal meaning down 100% of the time. i'm determined to get everything right this time and ensure that the end result is as pure and faithful an expression of what FE4 is as possible, a target i fell slightly short of the first time around but which i'm committed to nailing fully this time. There's also been a lot of fiddling with line breaks to try and make all dialogue sequences look nice without any awkward spacing issues. i figure, i've left too many people hanging on this pass, so the least i can do is make the damn thing worth the wait both narratively and aesthetically.
In this editing phase, i also now have the benefit of working with a bunch of great friends of mine from Fire Emblem Universe - people like Smilies, Black Mage, Kyuzeth, Alusq, zahlman, Onmi, circleseverywhere, Zane, Darrman and MCProductions, whose opinions and critical eye i have a lot of faith in. They're not the types to let me rest on my laurels, no; they're constantly holding my work - every decision, every odd wording, every significant shift either way, every assumed reading, every out-of-place comma - to the fire, and their constant input is invaluable in ensuring that what i'm coming out this time is to a much higher standard than before. god, i almost wish i knew these guys back when i was first working on the game; it's such a privilege to have such sharp and talented people as them, and just about everyone else i've ever worked with, with me. i know, i've said it before, but i'll keep saying it until it stops being true because damnit, people are great.
Here, have some pictures of what i've been up to:
i admit with some shame that i was hoping to have a more impressive selection to show, especially given the amount of Shit i've been talking, but then i promptly drew a blank on stuff i liked enough to include here. oh well
Presently, i'm well into the game's second generation with this pass. A quick checklist of important things that have been completed so far:
The two missing alternate death quotes for bosses - Reptor in chapter 5 and Ishtore in chapter 7 - have been fixed and implemented
The promised Lex rewrite from last year is complete; the dude is now a lot more faithful to his original speech style, with some fine quirks that i'm kicking myself for missing the first time around
One of the most interesting changes i’ve picked up on is the tail-end of Eldigan execution scene (pictured above briefly), the tone of which i... completely fucked the first time around, let’s be honest. i completely missed a much more interesting reaction from Chagall about it, his gloating tempered by disappointment that it’s ending so easily. With this in mind, it’s a great scene, and i’m kicking myself for not doing it justice sooner
On a similar promised note, i'm fairly confident that i've excised every single use of the word "geez" in the script and reworked it into something that's not anachronistic as all hell
A lot of other stuff that's slipping my mind. Suffice it to say, if it's an error, it's being corrected, no ifs, ands or buts
Unsurprisingly i still don't have a hard date for when i'll be done and, given my dismal track record, i'd be a total idiot for trying to set one, but i'm hoping the post-semester lull will give me plenty of time to finish up. Don't worry, if i'm still going into next year, i'll still definitely be self-flagellating myself for it; i'm not sure it's possible to be more annoyed with me than i am with myself.
meanwhile, FE5!
Ahh, yes. The other thing that i Am Totally Working On i Swear. Needless to say, it's still on the table, and like i've said before it's one of the biggest factors in me wanting to just get FE4 done already (aside from, y'know, the common human decency part); various recent events have really lit a fire under me to want to get started on it in earnest. It's still on the backburner in favour of FE4 in the meantime, but occasionally the spirit possesses me and i hop over to do a passage or two. Here's some very recent work on it of mine: a few first-draft passages from chapter 22.
29 notes
·
View notes