#and I don't want to overdo it cuz I'm still in school and need to do well in my final classes

[artemismatchalatte]

I'm waiting to hear back from my professor on how I did on my paper and last few assignments. I really need to pass this class so I can go into my final class not worried about any other work.

[vanmarkus]

in theory I love the 'they both lost someone and found each other in grief' but I think that would diminish what they have. as if they're second best almost :/ that already annoys me a little with them bringing shannon back again and again (and again), with eddie thinking that's the only magic he ever had - when actually, they had quite a lot of problems

well I get that as a viewer you might feel like they are overdoing it, but the thing with grief is that it never goes away and sure, they had a lot of problems; getting pregnant at 18-19 is not a joyride.

raising a kid when you still don't even have an idea who you are is hard enough, but then add into the mix Eddie's military time and Shannon's dying mother and her having to deal with Eddie's parents and figuring out how to care for a kid with special needs on top of it all.

it was a complicated relationship, but after they reconnected, after Eddie allowed Shannon back into his life with Christopher (which again, Eddie was mostly absent for 6 years, Shannon was gone for like one by the looks of it and Eddie was the one "allowing" her back ugh lots to unpack there) he was happy with her.

up to the point where she wanted a divorce, so she could become the right person to raise Christopher before she tried to become the right person to be with Eddie.

it stung and it made him angry but then she died and the anger didn't go away, but it got caught up in the grief and excitement of love he was feeling just before and after.

the reason I'm going into this (though not in so much detail cuz then we'd be here until tomorrow) is to show just how complicated his feelings about Shannon are. now consider the fact that he has to see Christopher, a living, breathing reminder of Shannon every single day.

and he wants to do right by him and he thinks that'd equal doing right by himself too, because that's how it was with Shannon; they were high school sweethearts, they were married, they had a kid. it's the picture perfect family, especially when you look at it from a christian angle — which does seem to be something coming up for Eddie this season.

Buck on the other hand? he is everything Eddie wants and needs, but he's far from that picture. he's a guy for starters and at this point we don't even know if Eddie has ever entertained the possibility of something like that, then he is his coworker, which isn't exactly ideal, even though we as a fandom love to sidestep that part.

they have the bond, the affection and possibly the attraction, but for Eddie to see it that way, he needs to let go of the idea of the picture perfect family, that's step one.

and he can't do it until he lets go of the idea of Shannon too, which frankly (though I love what they did with that season) I think would've already happened in s5 had Tim not left. so now he's working backwards as he's trying to fix the mess they made of all the characters' storylines in his absence.

but yeah, Eddie will always grieve Shannon, so it doesn't matter how complicated their relationship was objectively, that'll be a part of his endgame relationship no matter who it will be with and regardless of them also grieving someone as well or not.