#and I don't want to be paralyzed by the thought that money is being taken away from legit people vs money is not going to legit people bc

[velvetydream]

꒰ :🥊 [ Rocky ] ”♡ᵎ꒱ˀˀ ↷ ⋯

Summary : Your boyfriend loved to take you to his matches, saying you were his little good luck charm, yet you're always worried to the core watching him fight.

Pairing : Boxer! Mingi x GN! Reader

Word count : 1.7K Words

Genre : Romance , Fluff, Angst

   Warnings ➵ Boxing, Blood, Injuries, talk

about marriage and having

children (still GN! Reader)

a/n : I have no clue of how boxing works, but Rocky goes hard so I had to write a Boxer Mingi story!🤧💕

┌───────────────────────── ·  ·  ·  · ♡

Mingi called you his little good luck charm, while it was an endearing name to be called, you hated it. Because it would end up with him hurt in some way or another. The boxing matches you watched, even when being his lucky charm and he wins, he was hurt. Busted lip, cut eyebrow, sometimes even a black eye. Many bruises all over his body. You hated it and he knew.

"You'll be there Saturday right?" Mingi looks up at you from the table, it was a calm morning so far.. till he had to bring up his next match. Even thinking about his upcoming matches makes your stomach turn, making you nauseous. "I don't know, I might have to work or something." Your back was turned to him as you were flipping the pancakes in front of you. The grip on the handle made your knuckles turn white, until Mingi stood behind you, his hand softly gliding over yours and making you loosen your grip. "You said you're free, you know how important it is for me that you're there." Of course, you knew, you were his little lucky charm, his motivation, the love of his life. Yet it was hard to watch him get hurt over and over again, fearing that someday he would get hurt drastically with irreparable damage to himself.

"Of course, I know that, but you also know I don't like seeing you get hurt! Mingi we've been over this countless times already." Pulling your hand away from his now, you turn the stove off, pushing the pan to a cold place before turning away and walking to the living room, your tall boyfriend following you shortly. "I barely ever get hurt! It's nothing serious!" He was getting irritated with you, just as you were getting annoyed with him. Mingi just won't understand. He won't get it into his thick stubborn head. "Yeah till now! What if one day you get hurt badly?! Paralyzed?! Do you want that? Mingi I'm worried sick every time I watch you!" Tears were building up in your eyes as you finally looked at him. He was visibly taken back by your outburst, he knew you were worried but that it was hurting and bothering you so much? He didn't think about that.

"Hey.. I'm sorry babe, come here.. Please." His hand reaches out to you, softly grabbing your wrist and pulling you against his chest, tears flowing down your cheeks now with soft sobs. Mingi felt torn, he loved boxing, and it was his passion, a way to make money besides his small barely paying job as a waiter. Yet here you were crying in his arms because you were scared to the core for him. The amount of anxiety he must've put you through with each fight he made you watch. Yet you always sat tight, smiled, cheered, and celebrated for and with him. "I should've thought about your feelings earlier, I'm sorry.." Pressing a kiss to the crown of your head, he cradles you against him, your hands balled to fists holding onto the sleeping shirt he was still in.

Mingi was overcome with guilt and also contemplation.. you did have a point. What if someday he took it too far? One wrongly placed hit and it could be over for him and his body. He would never be able to marry you, have children, or grow old with you. Those thoughts made him scared and even question his own choices about boxing. He would definitely have to talk to Yunho about this later at the training. But for now, he had to pamper you, make you smile again, and stop those tears running down your face.

"Pretty, let's watch a movie and cuddle hm? I'll finish the pancakes and you get changed into that sweater of mine you love so much~" Nodding softly, your fist rubbing over your puffy red eyes, before disappearing up the stairs to your and Mingi's shared room, searching for the sweater you loved to steal oh so often. Yet he never gifted it to you, saying it wouldn't feel the same if you owned it and didn't steal it from him anymore. Back in the living room Mingi already prepared two plates with pancakes, arranged just how you like them, some fruits, and just the perfect amount of syrup. "Thanks, Mingi.." Smiling softly at your boyfriend as you take a seat beside him, grabbing your plate while helping him choose a movie. Settling on Spirited Away, and probably also watching Howl Moving Castle immediately afterward.

Mingi later in the day left after making sure you ate dinner, and made his way to the place where he trained at, Yunho already there training one of the new younger guys that joined recently. "Mingi! You're late! What caught you up?" Yunho looked over at him, noticing the frown on his best friend's face, something at home must've happened again. Walking over to Mingi who sat down on the bench, starting to wrap his bandages around his hands, Yunho stood in front of him. "I'll quit after this Saturday. It will be my last match." His eyes did not even meet Yunhos, knowing his friend looked flabbergasted at him now. "What do you mean quit? You're on the best way to become a legend Mingi! You cannot quit now!" His hand was grabbing his shoulder now, shaking him slightly, Mingi swatting his hand away with an annoyed groan. "I don't care, living a long healthy life with Y/N is more important. I never realized through what pain I put them okay.." Mingis hands were clenched, he was visibly distraught.

Of course, he loved boxing, it was his long passion yet he loved you so much more. Enough to give this up to be able to make you not suffer anymore and grow old together.

Getting up now Mingi gets ready to warm up, Yunho following him, the conversation is apparently not over for him yet. "Why all of a sudden?" Voices calmer now, trying to understand his best friend's decision. "I realized what pain I put Y/N through, I want to grow old with them, I want children, want to marry and.. If I someday get injured and can't be saved I would never be able to forgive myself for being so careless with my body." Yunho could understand him, of course, he could. Yunho had been through the same years prior with his wife, yet he never had the potential Mingi had either. "Listen I understand but.. Have you thought this through?" Mingi sends him one last glance, making it known that he is serious.

Leaving the man alone, for now, Yunho goes back to the students he currently has. He can't be mad at Mingi, boxing is dangerous, he knew that, yet it was sad to see a rising star stop mid-air.

"I'm home!" Mingi calls out, noticing the sweet smell of baked goods in the air, making his way to the kitchen. "Mingi! I made some cupcakes! Come on taste them!" Pulling him over, you shove a sweet pastry into his hands, the buttercream decorated with colorful sprinkles. Upon taking a bite, he notices the cream on your face, wiping it away softly with his thump. And now he could see it, this was what he should live for. Your smile, your backed goods, you. Your future children and grandchildren. Growing old together.

Leaning his body down, he presses a kiss to your lips, being able to taste the sweetness of the cupcake he just ate. His hands put the cupcake away to hold your hips softly. "I love you so much, so so much." Pulling you against him, locking your lips again with his own ones. Left hand gliding up to hold the side of your face, his thump caressing your cheek softly.

The rest of the week passes by in a rush, Saturday evening arriving, you're now sitting watching Yunho massage Mingis shoulders talking to him quietly. You were glad that this would be the last time, yet dread filled you knowing you'd have to patch your boyfriend up again after the fight. Soon it started, Yunho walking around the ring, shouting to Mingi who was holding up quite strong. His opponent was not really a big deal for him, Mingi being probably almost double the size of him.

The fight continued, Mingi took in some bad hits but the other one was much worse. Being on the brink of giving up, you could see it on his face. Finally, Mingi got him down, the countdown starting, fans cheering as Mingi threw his fits up into the air. Yunho himself was jumping around screaming happily. Before running over to you and pulling you up, looking confused at Yunho now as he pulls you to the ring Mingi was in, microphone in his hand now.

"I know everyone loves to watch me fight, but despite my joy for it, I never noticed how much I hurt someone dear to me with it. The person who despite being in pain on the inside while watching me, still supported me. The person I want to grow old with." Mingi was talking, reaching out for your hand and pulling you into the ring with Yunho's help, stopping you in the middle. "The person I want children with and I want to marry. So today was my last fight! I will be retiring from fighting, but there is one last thing I have to do in this ring!" Mingi was holding your hand in his, looking into your eyes with so much love and warmth. While you tried to mirror it, you couldn't help the look of confusion.

A gasp now leaving your lips as you watch Mingi get down onto one knee, pulling out a velvet box from his left pocket. Eyes meeting your glassy ones. "You're the love of my life, my motivation.. my lucky charm so will you marry me?" A soft yes was pressed out of your lips, as tears threatened to fall, Mingi put the ring on your finger before standing up, pulling you into his arms and lifting you up. "You just made me the happiest man on earth! I love you so much!" His lips find yours, as the lights of cameras go off around you capturing this memory forever.

[supernaturalnovelsandmore]

Supernatural Novel: The Unholy Cause

Welcome to my review of the fifth Supernatural novel, The Unholy Cause

Author: Joe Schreiber

Timeline: Set after Episode 5.08 Changing Channels but before Episode 5.16 Dark Side of the Moon

Location: Mission's Ridge, Georgia

Synopsis: As the pressure mounts for the upcoming apocalypse, Sam and Dean head to the historic town of Mission's Ridge, GA, where the Civil War is less about the past and more about the present. With interference from Castiel, demons, and Judas Iscariot himself, how can Sam and Dean prevent a major catastrophe from befalling this small town?

Review: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Warning: Spoilers abound!

After the last book, I was really hoping to see an improvement in this one, and boy did I! I've finally hit the Supernatural tie-in novel I was hoping to read from the beginning! It read like an actual episode, I could hear the actors speaking through the character's words, and I really couldn't find anything that contradicted canon.

In addition, the actual storyline was compelling and the side characters interesting. With the other novels I've reviewed, it's taken me most of the day to read them because I kept getting distracted. This one, I read straight through without stopping. I love reading a book like that!

Side note: This novel does dive in to Christian theology and the story of Judas Iscariot (who betrayed Jesus). If you are uncomfortable delving into that portion of Christianity, you may not want to read the book or this review (though my review notes about that will be minimal).

Now, since I don't have any canon vs. non-canon comparisons to make, today's review is simply going to be a list of my favorite scenes and how certain scenes relate to what's going on during this period in Season 5.

Cameo!

Sam and Dean are informed of the case by one Rufus Turner! He's only in it for a brief bit, but he's still funny as heck asking the police to pay his dry-cleaning bill.

We get a nice character introduction of enigmatic (clueless) Castiel who's trying to heal Civil War reenactors who are understandably frightened of him. He's still searching for God at this point, but we also get this nice character beat for him:

"I walked the battlefields of the South a hundred and sixty years ago," Castiel replied, a faraway look entering his eyes. "I moved among the men and brought their souls to glory. And now..." Something moved over his face for just an instant, so rare and brief that Dean almost didn't catch it; a flicker of hope. "And now," he repeated, "I'm healing again."

Of course, Dean has to explain that none of the reenactors actually need healing and he goes back to being determined to find a 'First-order witness' - someone who broke bread with Jesus Christ.

I found this part surprising within the book, but as I thought about it, it made more sense. The TV series has to tread a very careful line with Christianity so as not to offend a bunch of viewers, but the books have a much smaller audience and can take these liberties. Personally, I was fine with it. They didn't go too deep and stuck with the witness being Judas (who doesn't exactly have a great reputation to begin with).

There's a fantastic brotherly moment where Sam shares the sheriff's name (Jack Daniels) and they then go back and forth trying to guess what this Jack person is like i.e., fat vs. skinny, bald vs. hairy...

Dean: "Nam vet. Buford Pussar type. From Walking Tall." Sam: "Deliverance refugee. Civil citations all over his desk."

One of things I love about this book is the brother's relationship. This banter and other character beats really feel authentic as opposed to the prior novels. (I won't spoil what the sheriff is actually like - needless to say, they play a major role in the book.)

Just a few pages later from this great banter, we're back to the drama as Sam and Dean argue about a nightmare Sam had that he can't remember, but which could be relevant to the case.

"What's this about Dean?" Sam demanded, "Is it about you not trusting me? Because if it is, there's not a whole lot of places we can go from there." "Yeah, you're my brother," Dean said. "But you're also Lucifer's prom dress, and if he's seeding your dreams with hints about the master plan, then maybe it might be a good idea for you to look at 'em as close as possible. That's all I'm saying."

And of course, Dean gets concerned about Sam as they split up to cover more ground. It's music to my ears! There are a number of other conversations like this that really emphasize the strained relationship Sam and Dean display in Season 5.

Another surprising character beat is the influence of Lucifer on Sam because as he's doing research at the local historical society, Sam (and the historian) are surprised to find out he can read Coptic, an ancient Egyptian language. It startles Sam and once again emphasizes how different he is.

At a particularly gruesome crime scene (a mass grave), there's a brief moment with Dean that really shines as he looks down on the skeletons in the mass grave and finds a similarity to what he did in Hell:

Because that was what he did after spending years down there, doing what he'd done... Through sheer force of will, Dean shoved those notions aside...Now more than ever he didn't want that experience contaminating the way he looked at the world... not that he had a choice. Hell had been his Vietnam. It had stamped its mark on him for all eternity, and no amount of denial or self-imposed ignorance was going to change that.

There's an additional moment of traumatized Dean that I wish they could have shown in the tv series:

Sam: "Are those bloodhounds?" Dean didn't answer... When Sam finally caught a look at his brother's face, he saw that Dean's cheeks and forehead had gone absolutely white, as if every drop of blood had been sucked away... "They're not hellhounds, Dean, they're just dogs..." Dean didn't answer. He was still listening to the barking and howling noises coming closer, crashing through the undergrowth. He seemed paralyzed by the sounds.

There are more to these Dean passages, (too much to copy), but I really like that we see actual effects of past experiences.

There's also a nice scene with Sam and a young teenager that really highlights his ability to connect with kids around that age (of which we see later in the TV series):

"My brother and I grew up without a Mom, too," Sam said... "It wasn't always easy... Not everybody gets that." "I still dream about her sometimes, you know? Even though I was young when she... when it happened," Nate blinked at Sam. "Weird, huh?" "Are they good dreams?" "Yeah." "Then it's good. That's your way of remembering her."

The last third of the book is very action-oriented and has multiple instances of hurt Sam and hurt Dean, with the requisite caring from each brother.

Once again, I've gone on too long, but I'll end with a couple of favorites: Humor:

The sheriff glanced out the window, (referring to Baby) "And haul that piece of crap car to the impound lot. I don't want it cluttering up my street." "Woah!" Dean snapped, a sudden rush of anger rising in his face. "Watch your damn mouth. You can't just---"

Drama:

"This is blood money," Sam reached into his pocket and pulled out the Shekel. "Bobby says the only way anybody gets their hand on this..." The rest of the sentence was getting stuck in his chest, and he made himself finish it, "is by betraying someone you love." Dean stared at him. "Dean..." "Look," Dean broke in. "Don't get too hung up on it, okay? It doesn't necessarily mean anything," he stood up and brushed off his jeans. "Whatever happens between us, we'll deal with it then..."

Thanks again for reading! I'll be back again next week with War of the Sons!

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Ghosts from the rainforest

Hi!! I'm back after the Dengue outbreak we have in my town, I had a ton of work and a lot of sick patients, and then I got sick too, so that's why I have been absent, anyway I write part of this while I was sick so if it gets too dark blame the stupid mosquitoes and the fever, I hope you enjoy it.

Summary: A simple rescue mission will bring him back to a place full of nightmares, and maybe this time he could find redemption. Situated in 1975, 2 years after the events of Skull Island.

Warnings: Violence, blood, wounds, mentions of war, cursing, implied smut, smoking, angst.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 5: Old faces

"It was really big huh?" Reles said once you walked back to the campsite.

"WHAT??!" You said completely taken by surprise "I don't... We weren't... I wasn't, what are you talking about?" Your mouth seemed to have a malfunction.

"The monkey" He said looking strangely at you. "I mean Conrad show you the pictures right?"

"Oh that... yeah, it was incredible" You said and the redness in your face only augmented "So you all saw it too"

"Yeah, I mean it took us down from the air, and took many good men with him, but that's in the past now." He gave you a sad look and while you tried to empathize with him your embarrassment start to disappear "Anyway where is the captain?"

"He..." There was the redness again.

"This bloody jungle" He said appearing behind you, doing a better job to remain calmed than you "I have been bitten by more mosquitoes in this past four days than in my whole life" Or maybe he actually didn't care enough about you to have something to hide you thought bitterly.

You avoid his gaze and walked away to get inside your tent, once again you have let your emotions get the best of you, and even when a few moments ago you were lost in the blissful paradise of his touch you had chosen to literally run away from him.

Fortunately the rest of the crew interpreted your silence as grieving and they stay out of it, and he had the delicacy to stay in the back of the truck so you didn't quite spoke besides the strictly necessary.

You crossed the border without any problems and before you realized another two weeks had gone by and you were almost in the other end of the island, just two days away from Bontang and the ship that will take you back to the US.

The last village was a nice quiet place full with lovable people whose grateful looks make all the days on the jungle worth it, but the truth about the world that you knew now was too loud to ignore it, even when the idea was ridiculous the evidence was there and you were afraid that the need of being part of that bigger world would push you away from the job you still have to do on those villages.

A loud noise wake you up in the middle of the night and the clear sound of a gunshot paralyzed you inside the tent, followed by the cries of the younger children and some of the women.

"Di manakah mereka dapat dari itu?" Where did you get that? An authoritarian voice more like a growl asked furious, and you immediately recognize his owner and a horrible shiver run down your body and the memory of a knife in your stomach flashed in your eyes, you touch the scar that was now almost invisible, but this time you were not willing to hide and run.

You went out of the tent cautiously, there he was Sargent Walker, one of the many former militaries that chose to follow the money when the war ended, he was holding a piece of clothing in front of a terrified woman who kept crying and looking down to her child, who was on his knees in front of Walker.

"Let's try again" He said passing his humungous hand on his poorly kept beard, he take out the bullets on a small gun and put just one back in the barrel, and made it roll "Di manakah mereka dapat dari itu?" He said and shoot in the head of the child fortunately not harming him.

You were getting closer and when he was about to take another shot a strong arm pull you back delicately enough so you won't scream. James make you stay quiet with a sign of his hand and then you realize what Walker was holding, it was Conrad's old SAS jacket that among other things the people offered to wash down the river, probably where that animal and his men found it.

"Now you kill children four feet from you, are you that blockish??" He said with a calm voice trying to hide his anger. "I'm here, you don't have to threat this people." He said doing something incredibly stupid and throwing his gun in front of him rising his hands.

"No Captain, is not blockish since it made you come out" He said pushing the child aside with a kick and his mother run to take him to safety. "I thought you knew better than keep messing in my business"

"And I thought that with all the money you got, you will stay out of Malaysian territory, what happened did you drink it all or did you left it in the room of some cheap prostitute, Sargent??" He roll the last word on his mouth maliciously and before giving any answer Walker made a signal to his men and two of them push him to the ground hitting him in the stomach.

"No, no Captain" He said finally once Conrad rise his look at him "I asked first, what in the name of God are you doing in my island?" He said and approach to him, and James spit on his face for all response getting himself hit on the face again, this time the blood start running kn his cheek and from his lips and you could no longer watch.

"Don't!" Slivko's voice call you from behind and pointed at the jungle where they had been repairing the truck away from the village, your heart start racing with gratitude that they were fine, but the look on his face dissipate that feeling immediately.

"We have to help him" you said in a whisper.

"The Captain give the order of keeping you safe Doctor, we have to hide" He said, sounding too adult for his young face.

"What do you mean hide? He needs you!" You said looking back at Conrad that was still on the ground.

"He made his choice, we have to leave" Reg said more like a plea, and took you by the hand urging you to come with him "Y/N please we have to go" You let him lead you, but you turn back to look at him one last time and for a brief moment he look back at you and gave you a knowing nod.

"Too bad it has to end like this" the Sargent voice said and put his gun back to James head "Farewell old friend..." his hand was firmly holding the trigger.

"STOP" You scream and run away from Reg to put yourself in front of Walker. "Stop this right now" Two of his man hold you still before you could reach Conrad and he look at you angry.

"What is this? You are also here? Is it my birthday guys?" The Sargent said with a disgusting grin on his face. "Let me guess, another of your little diplomatic missions" He said at Conrad.

"This man is my personal guard and we are in a humanitarian mission, I will ask you to stop what you're doing and leave this village alone" You said and he start laughing, but put down his weapon.

"You have balls doc, I'll give you that, I'll remember to push the knife deeper the next time, or maybe just go for the throat directly" He said and the man let you go.

"Whatever you think you'll get from this people you are wrong, leave Y/N out of this, your problem is with me" Conrad said with a throaty voice when you help him stand up. "Why the fuck did you came back?" He said at you more calmed.

"James you're hurt, focus on that" you answered.

"Y/N? James?" Walker said before laughing again "Oh at least the good taste is a constant in you Captain, and you, the little uptight fancy doctor, in the end you are just a whore as any other woman don't you? Well since there is nothing useful for me here I might as well get rid of you both" he said and your legs tremble a little but James make sure to hold you tight, even as badly hurt as he was.

One of Walker's men approach him and whispered something to him, a moment after he nodded not quite convinced.

"Let's go", he said finally "Kill him, and bring her"

"What? You are going to have to kill me too, because there's no way I'm going without him" You said putting yourself in front of James.

"Fine, as you wish" Walker said and hold his gun again, but this he didn't shoot, the last thing you saw was the wedge of the gun before it hit you on the head and everything went red, then black, you could feel the hot blood running through your face and Conrad screaming in the distance, then your body was lifted and tossed in the back of a truck and he next to you, and then silence.

@kinghiddlestonanddixon I'm tagging you in case you want to continue reading this little story 😊

[tamiddyinyourcity]

3:06pm.

Suicidal thoughts, ENGAGE! :)

Thursday, June 18th of 2020.

Hey, yall.

Haven't written a forreal dated post in awhile.

Having a bad day.

Lets write things out.

Alright, whats going on for today:

I woke up, instantly thinking of him. I didn't wake up at 6am, but I did officially wake at 8:46am or something... Depression paralyzed me to bed. Not too fun, haha.

I had some dream where I was a mall cop/entertainer that was punished for not turning the local Mall Santa satanic to cause an amusing turmoil to the drama-and-pain loving followers of the cult inside of the mall. (My guess is that it symbolizes me not feeling like I got some sort of real revenge or feeling of power leaving Patrick, and unlike others who left me, there was no happy ending where I wreak havoc on them as others congratulate me for doing so.)

Weird symbolic dream, but still cool.... It also was designed to look like a Puppet Combo game, too. Huh. Odd.

Manifesting my ex to be hit by a bus and break their femur within 34 hours. Break their femur near their house. Within 34 hours. Hit by a bus. Broken femur.

Also, in my paralysis state, I realized I could only be content in life if Patrick were dead. Not to say I plan to kill him, but, if he were to die then I would care. Or if someone called me like, "Patrick is about to jump off his roof, come quick, talk him down", then I would show up. Do I hate a lot about him? Absolutely. Would I kick the shithead in his jaw and love to see his glasses fly off and hit the pavement? Maybe a little too fucking much to ever call me a sane human being. But sad thing is, if he ever did want to change, or talk, then I know I'd be the type of asshole to still pick up the phone.

Hell, I don't respect Marco whatsoever. But, I still give somewhat of a fuck about him. Somehow. He may be a dogshit human being that repeatedly cheated on the girl that loves him, all to put his chode inside of me and then immediately kick me out, (that prick,) and he likes to be a coward, loser, pessimist..... A shitty punk ass fuckface. God, Marco, you're such a slut, and I would force you to lick the pavement of a freshly shitted on San Francisco sidewalk with a grin on my face due to many more actions of you...... But, so far, opportunity hasn't arrived. And even if I have a very low opinion of him, I can at least go, "He's a dipshit, but he can be really good when the moment arises".

Like how when me and Matty broke up, (or moreso, Matty, hours after saying I was the only girl he wanted, romancey bullshit, dumped me the second his female best friend showed interest....) Marco was the one to drag the fuck outta Matty, and lecture him on the principle of "HEY, don't use women for sex, spin the idea that you love them and wanna be with them, then throw them out like hot garbage, ESPECIALLY when you KNOW she has trouble at home and was hoping to be protected by you in the way you promised her!"

........Marco may be a piece of shit, but I'll admit, I tear up to this day about that. He didn't even need to know the full terrible ass story. He just heard "I broke up with Tamia for JaLeah", and knew.

I don't respect him a lot, but that put him in a good place in my books.

Plus he's the designated fallback guy. Mainly because years of disrespect + him being called every name in the book hasnt gotten him to fuck off, since he also lacks self respect, and openly tells me I'm the hottest girl he's fucked.... (Flattered, lol,) = Marco clearly isn't gonna leave, taken or single, and will just keep trying to fuck me.

But he also will give me money for food, pay for Ubers, or do a phone call every once and awhile just to see that I am doing okay. He's such a jackass, but, you can't say he's not chivalrous before being a scumbag once we fuck. (Like the type of guy to put his jacket over a rainpuddle for a girl, and then will probably trip her into it once he gets what he wants from her.)

Potential to be a great guy. He doesn't really see it. And he refuses to let me ever tell him, without being a cock. Hence why he likes it better when I insult him or give him the toughest love possible..... It's what he's used to from his abusive family, I guess. :/

Anyway, feeling better now that I write this.

I also blocked Kieran today.

I try not to block people if they're being distant. But, its still an ego thing.

I stopped doing that after several moments with Patrick.

When I almost blocked him before we ever met for being a huge dry texter.... Luckily, I did not block him. I simply was half asleep, so I decided to send him a meme about peeing in rectums captioned "this could be us, but you don't reply to my texts", and went to bed....

Surprisingly, that had worked???????? He was just kinda like "oh are you hitting on me? i thought we were already doing that". Bada bing, bada boom, we ended up dating.

And then incident two, of course, where I blocked him after that cemetary hangout or whatever..... I could tell it was lingering guilt, and a crush, when a week passed between cutting off him and Mari, (a stank ass bitch,) and alas...... I missed him a lot, sadly.

So then of course, called him up. He agreed to meet me. Awkward apology and rekindling of friendship. Him being ridiculously confused as to why I was so annoyed at the cemetery, me admitting my Asuka-esque feelings for him.... And bada bing bada boom, we had started dating again!

So, I didn't wanna block Kieran.

Buuuut I can tell when I'm more into a person than they are actually into me.

We seemed to have a lot in common; NB related stuff, political "kill and eat the rich" mindsets, good shit.

I don't know.

It's like..... you never know when something is overreacting or not.

Or when a situation can either be "i shouldn't have said that", or "i did what was right".

Since I should've left Patrick at the first signs of him:

Lying to me.

Being overly suspicious and openly hiding the truth from me.

Perversion.

Cowardice. (Getting spat on, and the lying yet again...)

Me openly discussing how a situation negatively impacts me, (especially when shit like lying or inability to communicate fucked with my physical health terribly,) and him dismissing it as not his problem, so, not his worry. (That's why he gets left on read on Tinder and dresses like shit.)

Shit like that is why he got aired out on Twitter, with his ungrateful and unthoughtful ass. A bitchass fuckin loser. Gosh. FUCK.

I'm alright.

Gonna relax my face muscles.

:)

3:53pm.

So anyway, I just unblocked Kieran.

Stupid ass.

Well..... I don't know.

I saw this meme and it had made me reconsider.

...........

I just need time for the steam to blow off.

They seem neat, buuuuut yknow.

I'm not the absolute best at rejection. (Or I could be, if niggas didn't have me waiting 4 days or more just to hear if its reciprocated or not.... come on hoe, dont give me problems today.)

....

It started off okay. I eventually got too many panic attacks over the idea of hiding my feelings, told them.... it had went well.

We talked a lot more, aaaand it went pretty nicely.

Learned a lot about em.

But eh.

Shit kept falling off......

Just unblocking them and not dealing with them. No energy for blocking since I feel too guilty, but, no waiting up either.

.....

Plus, some other dude with nice eyes hit me up, so I'll live.

4:23pm. Alright, gonna do a feet pic live to make some money for sushi for the week.

Peace yalls.

[eatersgrin]

Make Me Wanna Die

As it waggled in front of her face a motion blur created a kaleidoscopic show of the odd bulbous needle Mr. Bough had injected her with.

"You see, girl. I thought to myself, who would run my business interests best? Not you, not with all those incidents on video of you trying to kill me - silently threatening me with your power. Don't think my men ever kept your bullshit tantrums from me, girl."

Boss's words took on a hollow and distant quality as he continued on.

"And after Lung's failure, I couldn't let him have you - a traitor in my own home, you would eventually turn on that brute like you turned on me. YOUR OWN FATHER! I WAS - I was good to you. I gave you your Mother. Gave you my name. Fed, clothed, kept you out of those schools and hired tutors. You had more than I did - growing up in the streets - things I did to get out of the gutters, off the streets. But no - no you don't care, you had everything. Now, I cash you in."

The two guards from the elevator entrance pushed a wheelchair into view and the third helped strap Petit in.

"Brockton Bay has its connections, I brought up my plight to a local contact and they gave me the contact information for Orchard. They did wonders for your Mother and I. We are young and we paid handsomely, but they explain they know I am a man of means. So they explain they need girls for a client. Good girls, clean girls, so I offer them you and have the men grab some of my local ones. Your sisters, I send money to their Mothers because I know they were mine."

Petit's Mother stepped into view and kissed each of her cheeks twice. "Adieu", she whispered before stepping away.

Boss shut up finally and stepped away to comfort his forever young woman. Mr. Bough and Mr. Drowsing said their goodbyes and flanked the wheelchair as they wheeled her to the elevator. Inside Bough started prattling excitedly.

"Now Petit, was it? You will live out your days in a pleasant life. Our client wants an entire storybook experience so you and your sisters will remain together. The client specifically wants to relive his youth and wants his own Bambi, Thumper, and Flower. Now our doe-eyed deer and plucky rabbit have already undergone their procedures. Now you - our little hydrokinetic will be our bashful skunk, Flower. "

His words swam in her head. The realization that he was able to bring about her parent's transformations in the hours she was sent off means she had little time left as herself. She tried to call on her power, rip the blood from their veins and exsanguinate the lot of them but something was missing. She felt disconnected, disassociated from her abilities.

A clammy hand laid itself across her forehead, "Dear, Bough, I sense her attempts to utilize her power. Do you wish to continue comforting her or should I quash this desire?"

Mr. Bough clucked his tongue as the elevator descended to the basement garage, "A shame really. You may as well just black her out until we get to the van. I'll start work there and by the time we get to the marina we can give him a preview, yes?"

Her vision darkened until her thoughts faded into the fog of sleep.

Fragments of a dream played in her mind, and equally her body was paralyzed. Two beings swirled through the twilight, their bodies entwining as they spiraled against one another. Even here Petit attempted to scream but instead the piece of memory repeated. Over and again, the violence of the coupling at the speeds the beings traveled was beyond her focus. Colors and patterns repeated and folded into the expanse the creatures flew through.

Pain wracked her into consciousness. Burning in her belly, her joints on fire with the bites of thousands of ants. Her body writhed of its own accord as conversation could be heard in the background.

"What do you mean 'stolen'?"

"I'm telling you, the final third of the payment, in cash as you both specified, was taken off my yacht by goddamn capes with some monster dogs."

"You said monster dogs?"

"Car sized fuckers. That big."

"Wow."

"Repairs are underway to The Magick Fiefdom here, but I haven't been in town forty eight hours and I've lost more money and seen more capes than ever in my life. And I invested in Enron, so - can I see her?"

"No payment, no Flower. Those are the rules."

"Those are the rules, sir."

"I already gave you for Bambi and Thumper. My little girl is gonna freak having her own live action movie for a birthday party."

"And they're already prepared, we gave you the command phrase books for both of them, but Flower is yet to be programmed."

"What're you going to do with her, she is a custom piece. Going to be hard to sell her to another client."

"We are well aware, sir. Now dearest, Bough, we should go before she wakes."

"Seriously, you two. What would it take to complete our deal here?"

"Our. Fucking. Money. You nonce."

"Jesus, can't you just leave her all vegetable then? I know I can make due with-"

"There the others have arrived..."

The voices of Bough, Drowsing and the client faded but the pain remained. Slowly she roused in the back of the cargo van. Discarded bio needles were collected in a medical waste bag, and she was dressed in a paper gown.

A glance at her hand showed her fingers were turned into claws. Thick, pointed dark barbs protruded from the tips of her lightly furred hands. She grimaced in agony and felt sharp teeth scrape at her inner part of her lips. She severed the straps pinning down her shoulders, waist, and legs with her claws. Quickly she sprang into action, she tore open the van door panel and leapt out of the van.

Her leap has her clear the private security fencing surrounding the marina, and she landed in the street sliding across the asphalt. Her hands and feet clawed into the ground and halted her momentum as a car in the morning traffic clipped her shoulder.

It tore her from the asphalt and sent the car careening into another lane. A hiss escaped her lips as another car sped by the scene and ran over her leg.

The way this fresh pain radiated from the base of her spine was strange as she scrambled to her feet and leapt to the sidewalk. No, her limbs reacted fine, instead she had a goddamn tail.

The sound of sirens grew in the distance. A wave of nausea, from the mix of shock and constant burning to her system, hit her but she only dry heaved. Gingerly she stood up, her muscles in her broken tail still reacted to her mind's commands when she used her lower half of her body.

Instinctively she started loping away from the sirens and reentered the street. She was the daughter of an international figure, and a high ranking criminal. She'd been party to crimes and an accessory to violence and extortion. In addition she was a Parahuman, now a heavily mutated cape, and the only place for her was an American prison or a Parahuman Asylum. Either location was a death sentence if her Father found out she was alive and still in control of her knowledge of their operations.

The roar of a Motorcycle engine filled her hearing as if it was right on top of her, but as the long strides turned into an incredible sprint, she looked around and saw no machine anywhere near her. Instead it was more than ten car lengths behind but gaining with a familiar cape aboard, Miss Militia. She dropped to all fours and tore into the asphalt, picking up speed, weaving through traffic. A cape with the ability to spawn Weapons with near infinite ammunition and instantly clear weapon jams was not going to make a bullet hell of morning traffic.

Again, pain wracked Petit's new limbs. Every joint from knuckle to shoulder was stinging hot and she resisted every urge to start gnawing at her finger joints to at least relieve the less than subtle itch beneath the burn.

"Stop running! Please!", Miss Militia's words made her ears twitch. Something they had never done before. "You'll get hurt again if you keep this up! I'm not going to arrest you - I wish to talk! Please?"

Something in the heroine's words made Petit want to stop. To listen. No other sirens followed her but the motorcycle's. Neither signs of any aggression nor smell of explosives or gunpowder. With a glance Petit spotted an empty park, a large play structure sat disused in the middle and so she made for it, leaping atop the dome made of gold and blue painted metal bars.

The Protectorate cape pulled over and slowed, her cycle rode across the parking lot and up onto the sidewalk. She parked the bike near the dome and walked slowly towards Petit, the skunk woman was crouched on all fours like a cat might sit.

"Good morning, Hello. I'm Miss Militia."

Petit's body shuddered, bile rose up in her throat and she finally vomited. She wiped her mouth with the back of her arm and the white fur was stained with blood.

"You don't look well, are you - a changer? Or do you have a Master? I want to help you."

She collapsed onto the structure, her limbs passed between the bars before Petit spoke, "I'm in much pain. I need help. Do not send me to prison. I'm- dying."

Hannah tapped the earpiece on her head and radioed for an ambulance as she strode towards the metal dome.

[lipsticklovebites]

Don't fucking read this

My brother has ruined my fucking family singlehandedly. I'm so ducking angry right now I could scream. In middle school, he became girl (and boy) crazy and became obsessed with his social life and it all started. He started not caring about school and only caring about his friends and hating being at home. In high school, he started skipping school and classes to be with his friends. He started lying. He started stealing (mostly harmless stuff but sometimes money) and he started acting out at home and starting huge fights. His junior year, he was so deep into this cycle that he was stealing money on the regular. He lied constantly. He started manipulating friends, family, teachers, me. He said and did whatever he could to get what he wanted and it worked for a while. He was skipping class daily to smoke weed with his friends and it took over his life. He started stealing alcohol, cars, clothes (from stores and people,) jewelry, my makeup and personal items to sell for weed. When I left for college he detached from our family entirely and i thought my worry for him couldn't possibly get any deeper. His senior year, he moved out of our house into this shitty asshole, succubus of a family's house because the mother is a piece of shit who bought them alcohol and let them smoke in the house. The house caught on fire one day because of it and they all got evicted. My brother couch hopped for a while, all the while manipulating my mother's beautiful, sympathetic and loving heart and asking her for money and rides and groceries and food and clothing constantly. My parents still gave him everything, but my father's relationship was pretty much hanging by a thread. They did family therapy while I was at school. It didn't help. Nate was diagnosed with manic depression, bi polar, and narcissistic personality disorder. He is literally incapable of thinking about how he affects people's lives and he shows no remorse. He is the definition of a psychopath. He got kicked out of school a month before graduation. My father finally offered him an olive branch by giving him his car in January. A week later, he got in an accident. My dad fixed the car. Another week went by and he drove into a snow bank because he wanted to go out with his friends even though it was icy. In May, on the day of our birthday, he totaled his car at 8am on the highway because he fell asleep going 80mph after a night of illegally drinking with his friends. Because he had already gotten his license suspended for criminally speeding, his license is now taken away for a year and he moved back home. My parents said he was not allowed to be at home when they weren't so he leaves in the morning and comes back when he knows they're at work with his friends and they smoke and drink and they swim in the pool and make a mess outside and inside and then leave, leaving me to clean up the mess. He is lazy. He smokes weed all day, sucks the life out of everyone because he's the most stubborn person I've ever met, he has no respect for anyone or their things, he thinks he's the king of the world and he thinks he's invincible. He fucks people over and insults me and my parents nonstop. He's a master manipulator and because my mother and I are empaths, we see him and cry because we want what's best for him. My father, on the other hand, is fucking done. I literally cannot even begin to describe all the little things he's done. I genuinely would trust hitler with a gun to my head before I would trust Nate with my car or things or to do something important for me because he's so self absorbed. He has stolen liquor from my god parents, he stole all the wedding cards filled with money from my cousins, he's stolen so much of my stuff that I can't even begin to describe it. And then he turns around and makes me feel like an asshole for not giving him a ride or a cigarette or buying him alcohol. I'm terribly worried for him, but I've never been more hurt or frustrated by a person in my life. This has gone on too long. Today, he and his piece of shit friend came to the house, smoked, cooked food and made a mess and left a huge mess outside and in as well as damaging my dad's iPad, speaker, decorations, and gardens that he works tirelessly on. They left cigarette butts in the pool. They stole his vodka and replaced it with water. They invited girls over to drink and then left with them (in a fucking car.) my dad is done. He's getting a restraining order but my mother can't let go because she's such a fucking saint. So I just heard my dad say to her that he was going to leave. So my dad is leaving us again My parents 28 year long marriage is in peril I'm in the fucking wake of this This family has no trust This family has taken too much abuse from him And he still gets his fucking way I'm so angry and I'm so hurt and I'm paralyzed with fear of what our family will become. I've just repaired my relationship with my father after his alcoholism caused him to verbally and emotionally and sometimes physically abuse me and my brother and mom during my childhood. We've spent years repairing and forgiving and talking. And now Nate has torn it apart again. I can't do this anymore.