#and I don't think this the opposite of zd

[diviner-alva]

I don't know why or what's got to me to want to write this, but I'd like to say this bcs who knows, perhaps someone resonates with it.

I am demisexual, and that makes me project in Aloy a lot for various reasons (that even make me believe it could potentially be canonical). So her being busy with her mission and not having time to be with someone is nice bcs most videogames having a love interest appears to be a must. That being said, I understood her awkwardness with everyone that confessed to her (confessed, not flirted), not because she's an outcast, sure that influenced a lot, but for me at least, having people confess is a huge turn off, being too direct not even trying to get close first (it feels lazy for me at least, like you didn't even want to try being my friend what do you meannnn) even more so if they then act as victims or use their insecurities to force you to pity them and give in. From a simple kiss to other stuff, I see absolutely no point nor I have the necessity in sharing those moments with people I don't feel connected with, that always made me the weird teen that doesn't hook up with anyone and so other weird stares they've thrown at me.

But why am I saying this? I am extremely intrigued, on how Kotallo perfectly fits as someone Aloy could start paying attention to. Subtle actions speak louder, never once he forced himself into her, never voiced his feelings, never overwhelmed her in any way, you see he is the only one that's not doing theatrics to get her attention, and he's the one she looks at the most.

He knows putting her on a pedestal makes her uncomfortable, when she asked about getting aether this was their conversation:

A: Getting aether out of the grove made quite a spectacle

K: One that showed that Hekarro's vision for peace is the correct path. For it is now blessed by the ten themselves.

Did he mention her gloriousness at defeating Regalla? Her blessed second sight that restored their visions and reunited the tribe? No.

The closest to uncomfortable he ever made her is after she flew, yet he tried as best he could to make that about him instead, to show how she made him feel "I could say that I am... inspired" instead of saying she is a deity to be worshiped. But she still cringed a bit, but flying is a topic with greater importance to him as we know, that he imagines what it would be like since he was a child.

He knows she likes doing her things on her own and that she's more than capable than handling herself, he just reassures her that he's there for whatever and whenever she needs him. Once her response was incredibly soft spoken.

K: If I can help in some way, say the word.

A: I will... thank you.

He never overwhelms her with his feelings, never voices them and he even has the care with his contributions to their base, the only thing he puts in her bedroom is the clawstrider and a privacy curtain, the trophies are on the common room, and even said trophies represents them both, plus she didn't seemed at all bothered by them.

He called her commander twice, but after this conversation, it became just Aloy. Even during singularity he doesn't call her commander once.

A: You busy?

K: One must never be idle when at war, but there's always time to speak to one's commander.

A: Oh that's... not really how I see myself.

K: It is how we see you.

And finally, one of my favorites, when she reaches to him and touches his arm, his hand twitches, moving on it's own accord towards her, but he doesn't touch her even when she's touching him. Another moment that we have this is right after that, if you go talk to him you can mention about GEMINI and how they never talked about it, during this conversation Aloy sounds vulnerable, he answers "There was... nothing more to say" and if you pay attention to her body language, she is staring down, and Kotallo immediately take half a step towards her, hesitant, as if he had to resist closing the space between them to comfort her, but again he stops himself. When he then says he would ink Varl's memory on his skin, her voice os heavy with emotion, she was only vulnerable like this while talking about Varl when she was with Zo by his resting place. To me this speaks volumes and volumes... the amount of respect he has for her is immeasurable, he knows that she's reserved, that she's her own person, that she's free. And yet making her comfortable enough so they could tease and flirt with each other, him using her own curiosity against her while they went to test his arm was fucking smart, and we can see she enjoyed it, she smiles at least five times while she's there with him. After that mission a whole set of greetings is unlocked, he starts showing her his longing, saying she was away for too long, that he has been wondering when she'd be back, and she even felt comfortable enough to ask once if he missed her. He's ambiguous when he mentions her being a miracle or the one that makes miracles, and I've never seen her bothered, even playing along:

A: Now that training time is over, what's on your mind?

K: The Bulwark, the Kulrut, and that we need another miracle if we're to survive the Zenith base.

A: I'll try not to let you down.

K: I know you will not.

I think there's a profound understanding between them and that's what makes this ship so beautiful for me. (not to mention the infinite similarities they have, that I repeat over and over on this blog)

It's far from being my hc the possibility that Kotallo is keeping to himself bcs he's insecure about his arm, the what was lost quest proves otherwise, him opting to be himself and seeking her approval and/or encouragement and she answers with "I wouldn't have it any other way" (in that moment the control vibrates like crazy guys it's very meaningful, there's no other quest with this type of immersion). Plus he never joined her bcs he felt he owned her, bcs she helped him or his tribe, but because he believed, admired and respect her and that was reciprocated. She never once doubted him and he feels confident by her side. He climbed a mountain with one arm and she didn't even bothered to mention it to him when he asked her to go with him, she also never doubted if he would be able to build his arm, neither did she implied he would need help doing so.

I just think him being subtle is what grabs her attention, she has beeing admiring him since stone crest, and him her since who knows... barren light? stone crest? the tremortusk site? the bulwark? And that admiration is growing with every passing day. I just think she sees him, and he sees her, for what they truly are.