#and I don't see a single character in tadc as worthy of disliking tbh

[thesillylittlecircusfreaks]

I fucking love Ragatha. Even as my "least favorite character" I still wildly adore her.

But I also love actively being so fucking antisocial about her. Partly cause she also reminds us of our girlfriend and we like to poke fun at her.

Our girlfriend loves it a lot. It's our dynamic tbh. Me being an antisocial cunty ass bitch and she's just there not being able to deny anything I say because I love calling her out for all her little trauma behaviors.

Twirling her hair and kissing her cheek in my head as I think about it. (Cause she's asleep RN and also in another fucking state.)

I also love how much our girlfriend loves us being a little antisocial bitch. Struggling to empathize and unable to care about what's going on? Fucking finds it adorable.

She was crying and it startled me and I went "Ew gross, you're crying, wtf do I do? I don't know what to do." And it made her laugh and smile. I wasn't expecting her to be crying, it freaked me tf out cause it hadn't occured to me she would be crying over us being stressed and it caught me by surprise. I felt so bad when I said "ew, gross" cause I fucking love her, but it was my first thought and I spatted it out without thinking lol.

But it just makes us happy that she can hear us say we literally do not care and would rather be doing other things and just ✨know.✨

Like yeah. I don't give a fucking shit about your interest, but I like hearing you talk about it. Because you're happy. And that means something to me.

Or like. I cannot even pretend to care about your emotions and I'm frankly very uncomfortable. But tell me what to do to help and I will do it. Because I hate seeing you sad.

Like when her dog died suddenly (cause of shitty vet not identifying it as cancer) and she was there crying and so heartbroken. And we just stared and had to say "Listen. I know you're upset. But we literally cannot feel anything like you about it and we kind of don't care. I don't see a point to crying over something already dead. So if you need me to do something, tell me. Because I cannot tell myself." And then also getting her a shiny pokemon that matches the color of his collar and was the same species (Doberman, shiny houndour) for her to name it after the big boy.

Truth is I just get weird around grief. I'm autistic but also very much learned my emotions weren't "correct." So like. I kind of process things later as well. It's one thing that puts me at risk, I can't tell the danger or be aware of it until way after. So even though I was very heartbroken over it and it crushed me, my response was to shut down. They're dead already, why does it matter? And I ended up feeling it later and being super heartbroken over it for like a week.

Our girlfriend knows how we can be. And they know that we never intend harm. So when joking about Ragatha and stuff, they know it's light hearted and fun. To me, that is a show of love. That I care about you enough to know what you like, to know when someone is like them, to care enough to help them be better. And our girlfriend seldom is upset by it. But if I ever do go too far without realizing it then they tell me. And I will try my best to apologize.

Cause yeah, I can hurt her. I don't process things nor think the same as her. And we both have triggers. But if he lets me know, I often ask what will help him feel better. And then I do it with all of my love. Cause to me, they're an exception person. I would be worse without them and my symptoms get a bit better with them around.

So even with Ragatha being "annoying" to me and the kind of person I hate (a people pleaser) cause of being hurt by it in the past (despite also being a horrible people pleaser T.T), I still love and adore her. Cause to my head, she's like my girlfriend. And she can still be better. And I want to see her be better. Cause she's still as important as the other characters. I relate to her the least and like her the least so I value her less than the others, but I do still largely cherish her.

Plus I love character writing a lot. I don't gotta like or love a character or 100% relate to them to be fascinated by them. Writing is a special interest of mine and making/writing characters is something I love to analyze and dissect. So yes. All the characters are my individual case studies that I analyze and will rant about in large paragraphs to my girlfriend about all the time.