#and I don't remember the exact figure of speech but he always talks about problems rolling off his back like water off a duck

[melonpond]

almost forgot to post this painting here but, ducks!

[acklesterritory]

That Kind of Love Never Dies_Chapter 1

Hey guys, Now that more voted to split my fictions in 2 parts, I'm back with the first part. I hope you like it. Don't forget to leave me feedbacks. I'll always appreciate them. Love you all.

This is for writing event @tvdspngirl314

My quote is "That kind of love never dies"

Dean x Reader series (just 2 parts)

This chapter words: ~5k

Series warning:

Angst, fluf, smut, angry Dean, hurt Reader, hurt Dean, there's some more but I hate spoilers so I insist on "Angst & Hurt"

It all started with a stupid argument at home. What was it? Three months ago? Sam couldn't remember the exact date but after years, it was the first time this awkward coldness between Dean and Y/n had started to build. He could remember the first time he and his brother came across Y/n like it was yesterday, they were hunting a very nasty creature who used to kidnap young and lonely women at night, then got them wrapped in ropes and ties on a bed in a warehouse to rape, torture and feed on their blood until the victim either died or accepted to turn into one of his kind.

Sam could remember the helplessness in people's eyes too. The pain of the victims' families, the frustration and anger on cops' faces when no one could find the criminal yet, even after the sixth missing girl.

"Sammy, he just kidnapped another girl. And I think I know where he's gonna take her. Let's hunt this son of a bitch."

When Dean was saying that, Sam never expected him to fall in love with the woman they would save that night. Well, unfortunately they weren't fast enough to prevent any harm to the girl. When they arrived and Dean killed the nasty creature, Y/n was almost dead. The monster had already raped her, tortured her … and when he felt the hunters enter the place, he drank almost all of her blood, to gain more energy to fight. So as always, Dean was up to blaming himself. Of course only in his own eyes, not anyone else's.

"Call Cas to come home. Tell him it's an emergency."

Dean told his brother when he finally could get Y/n out of those ropes. And Sam knew he was right. At that point, no one could save Y/n unless God or his angels. Maybe she was not so lucky coming across a nasty supernatural creature like that but she was lucky enough that Cas arrived just on time and healed her. However, angels can only heal physical wounds. But Y/n was hurt much more than that. She couldn't just move on from the things that the bastard had put her through. Even after Cas tricked her brain to forget some certain things, she still had bad nightmares and had this dark shade of hopelessness in her eyes. Soon, she started to eat and talk less and less. And Dean just couldn't let her go. He really wanted to fix all of that for her but she kept shutting him out… until the depression hit her. It was so bad that Cas felt the need to tell them to prepare themselves for her death. Because after all those days and unlike everything else in their lives, The Winchesters were already used to her presence around them; like the way a lonely person can get used to a wounded cat more and faster than anyone else.

"I'm not gonna hunt until I'm sure she can live her normal life." When Dean stated that, Sam really thought he was joking. But after a few days he started to believe it. Dean truly would do anything to keep her alive. From cooking vegetables to laughing at his own dad jokes in front of Y/n to make her smile. That was when Sam started to feel that they can be more than a random hunter/rescued victim relationship! It felt like his brother had finally found his motivation in life: "Saving Y/n."

Gradually Y/n started to respond to this special attention from Dean with trust and smiles. Soon they became a power couple that could motivate each other so easily that sometimes Charlie would call them out. And honestly Sam had no problem with it. In fact Y/n had become his other sister.

"My God, Dean! You're burning up!" It was two day after a werewolf hunt in which Dean had got hurt. At first it was just some scratches on his arms and chest. Yet as the time passed, more symptoms started to appear: headache, pain, fever, cold sweat, even nose bleeding and before they could figure it out, Dean fell unconscious. Apparently the claws of the werewolf were poisonous. However Sam wasn't sure. The only thing he got no doubts about was the fact that it was already too late. Dean couldn't make it to the hospital. So either Sam had to do anything possible to save him or Cas should've picked up his God damn phone.

"No. no, no, no, no. Dean … Dean!!!"

That was when Sam got to hear Y/n's helpless cry and see her true feelings. She was already in love with his brother.

Luckily, unlike typical love stories; no one died that night. Sam's antidote worked. And Dean opened his eyes an hour later.

"Sammy … Y/n?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Y/n grabbed his face and put her thirsty lips on her beloved hunter's, letting the tears stream down on her face… and then his.

"Never do that again." She begged, breaking the kiss, her trembling hands holding Dean's face so she could look into his eyes.

Sam couldn't stop his smile remembering how cute they were. Y/n literally had Dean wrapped around her little finger, to the point he accepted to teach her how to hunt and soon she was part of their team too. Until … a few months ago. After two years of them being constantly close to each other, Sam could tell something was off when Dean started to go out without eating breakfast with Y/n. Of course she got suspicious after the third time and that was when their endless arguments started.

"Why don't you just tell me what's wrong?"

"Because nothing is wrong, Y/n."

Actually there was. Something was VERY wrong. Anyone could tell that just by the change in Dean's eyes whenever he wanted to look at Y/n. Day by day he was getting more quiet and cold. Now they didn't even eat pie together or watch movies late at night. And Sam couldn't ignore his brother being grumpy or drunk on hunts, not anymore.

"Ok man, I've had enough. You either tell me what's wrong with you or next time I won't make any excuses so you can leave Y/n out of our hunt plans. I'm serious, Dean, I'll tell her the truth." He finally said, when they were alone in the impala, on their way to do their next hunt.

"She wants more."

"More?"

"Yeah. Sometimes it's like she sees more in me. She thinks we can have a different life. There's no need for any saying, I can see it in her eyes whenever we accidentally come across some family at a diner that try to feed their kids or people's wedding photos whenever we go to talk with some witnesses or whoever during the research! Sometimes she even looks up wedding dresses or kid stuff on the net!" Dean blew his anger out of his nostrils and sighed, shaking his head.

"Wow." Sam couldn't find the proper word to say but he couldn't hide his surprised face either.

"What?" Dean gave him an annoyed look.

"I mean …" Sam chuckled. "… are you telling me you're actually angry with her for imagining the things you always dream about?!"

"Sam …"

"No, really. I'm just curious. What's wrong with you, man?" Sam asked genuinely, waiting for an answer.

"What's wrong with me?! You think something is wrong with me just because I'm the rational one in this relationship; who's actually able to see the difference between a dream and the reality?"

Yeah, anyone could take that earnest speech, but not Sam. He'd seen and knew enough about his brother.

"What's the reality? Aren't you and Y/N living that dream life already?"

"What?! No. No … that's not the same." Dean shook his head.

"Really? How is it not? It's been two years, Dean. You two are constantly with and/or around each other. Always worried when the other one is in trouble and still looking at one another like there is nothing in the world that can make you happy as much as this relationship. So … excuse me if I won't buy your pretty speech; man ." Sam said, Rolling his eyes.

"Ok, let's say you're right but ... is it gonna be like that forever? With all the supernatural crap that we have to take care of … and the constant danger and chaos in this hunter life we have… I …"

"You what?" Sam asked when Dean didn't finish his sentence. He was lost in his thoughts, staring at this unknown point in the depth of the road. Finally he blew out his despair.

"I just can't let her fall for the things I know I can't provide for her. It's not fair, Sammy. It's not fair to lock her up in this dark life with me just because she loves me … especially while I know there is a whole bright future out there waiting for her."

"Here we go, the old Dean's self-doubt" Sam thought to himself as he took a deep breath before finding the best words to wake his brother up from this nightmare

"Yeah, I know but I don't think it's your call. If Y/n wants to go to hell with you instead of living in heaven with someone else, it's her choice. Not your responsibility. Right?"

Dean shook his head while his lips curved up a little to fake a smile but he never answered or said anything about that conversation ever again. He kept his silence for like three weeks … until someone new showed up: "Gary Smith". A tall man with the most stylish haircut and the most perfect teeth and smile.

They saw him for the first time at their hangout bar, as the new bartender who almost jumped in Y/n's way as soon as they entered the bar.

"Oh my God, bunny! Is this really you?" He said, pulling her in his embrace. Like she was the long time missing piece of his beloved puzzle!

"Bonny? You're wrong. Her name is Y/n." Dean said, pretty annoyed by the way Gary tightened his arms around Y/n's little shoulders, making him chuckle.

"No, uh … it's just a nickname." Y/n said as soon as the guy let her go.

"Yeah, actually the most fitting nickname that I could think of. I mean … you have to agree. She got the most cute little ears in the world." The guy explained, chuckling and pulling on her little star earring. Well, if Sam wanted to be honest, he had to agree with him. He never paid any attention to it before but now that Gary mentioned it, he could tell Y/n's ears were truly small.

"I see … So … I guess this means you were close friends?" Dean said, already hating the way Y/n e's blushed with hearing her old nickname.

"Uh … well, no. Actually more than that." The guy grinned, ruffling his own hair while he was awkwardly laughing and looking at Y/n. Just like a proud embarrassed teen!

"We used to date." Y/n said.

*oh* Sam tried his best not to let that stupid grin sit on his lips but Dean's frown and his sudden heavy silence didn't let him do so.

"Yeah. We are kinda each other's first. Like … you know? prom date." The man added, giving Y/n a wink while Dean's gaze was still locked on his large arm around her shoulders.

"Yeah. It's been years, Gary."

"I know. But believe me, bunny. you still look the same." He said, bending to put a kiss on her right cheek.

Dean would kill him. Sam just knew that. Because his brother's eyes were already burning with jealousy.

"By the way, don't you wanna tell me who these gentlemen are ?" The guy asked Y/n, giving her his softest smile.

"Of course. This is Sam and this is Dean. My colleagues who are my friends now. I live in their place."

After they met, everything got even more complicated. Y/n, the girl who was still trying to get old-happy-days Dean back suddenly stopped whatever she used to do. No more complains, no waiting at nights to see Dean before going to bed, no more effort to get involved in hunts, no nothing. And despite what Dean had claimed before, it was making Dean even more frustrated. Day to day he and Y/n were getting colder towards each other and there was nothing he could do to fix it. That was what made him even more furious. Sam already knew all of that and he still had to live with both of those grumpy faces. So last night when they began to fight, he could see this was coming: Y/n left the bunker after Dean let some hurtful things out of his mouth, just because he didn't know how to deal with all the heartache anymore. He now was convinced that Y/n didn't love him anymore. Yet the next day after drinking whatever strong drink they had, he begged Sam to come with him. Apparently Jodie texted Dean about Y/n being in her place for that night. Just to make sure that her crazy step son won't sell his soul over a tracking spell! So Dean almost begged his brother to be there with him, cause Dean believed that as much as Y/n didn't care about him, she still respected Sam and cared about him. Like a little sister and her elder brother.

So here they were, In Jodie's living room, in front of her and Y/n.

"Considering your sleepy eyes, I think we caught you at bed time, huh?" Sam asked, checking Y/n's obvious eye bags.

"Who says that? I'm totally good, Sam."

She said with a small smile, looking much more in control and stronger than before. So Sam knew it was a lie. Y/n Just had made her peace with what had happened last night. The realization۹ kicked Dean in the gut. Y/n always used to be stronger and bolder when she got hurt.

"I'm gonna make some coffee for us. Why don't you guys take a seat till I come back?"

Jodie interrupted, to ease the heavy and sharp silence that suddenly had fallen over all of them.

Y/n gave her a smile.

"Of course."

It was so fake. Her smile didn't even curl her lips completely. She was still badly hurting.

Sam swore in his head when he looked over his brother who sank silently into the nearest seat at the end of the table like a broken shell that he was too . One of Dean's hands was in the pocket of his jacket, the other formed a fist on the table. Sam was sure Dean knew it too. He knew everything was almost past saving. "Almost". Sam tried to stick to their small chance.

"So …" He cleared his voice before he put some (semi fake) hope into his words."You're … you're gonna come back home today or did Alex and Claire made you promise them otherwise?" He laughed and tried to make it funny but the truth was he asked this for Dean's sake, knowing he already was struggling to find the words … to let Y/n know how much he wanted her back … to ask her to come back.

"To be honest … I don't think I can live in the bunker anymore." Y/n said and as Dean's head snapped up to look at her in horror, she raised her hand to stop his (likely) protests.

"I applied for a job 3 weeks ago and to my surprise they called me this morning to tell me I'd actually got it."

*What?*

No one had to ask it. The question was already hung in the air. She snored mockingly in her nose. "Perfect timing, right?"

She moved her gaze from her interlocked fingers on the table to Dean's eyes.

He didn't answer, he didn't move but he got tense. Still staring back at Y/n.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Sam asked, once again saving Dean from asking the question he was itching to ask with some other words that for sure couldn't be nice.

"I wanted to but I didn't think I could actually get it and even if I did, I never figured out how to tell you. Besides, I never considered the "move out" option before..." She looked at Sam for a second before she turned her gaze on Dean. "... But I actually appreciate that you bring it up. I think now I can take the advice. I'm gonna move on."

Sam's heart dropped in his stomach when he heard those words. Because he knew what this meant. It felt something like having to watch Dean get stabbed in the heart.

"Is this … because of that Bartender?" Dean asked, staring deadly at Y/n with his bloodshot eyes. He was already chewing on his bottom lip. And Sam knew a heavy storm was on its way to hit them.

"I don't want to answer that question."

*shit*

"Why? Because you can't just simply say no?" Dean scolded and Sam could see how it pushed on Y/n boundaries.

"No. Because it's not your fucking business and it's not Gary's business either. But at least he knows his limits."

*well, fuck*

"By "limits" you mean when he drools on you just because for God knows whatever the reason, you started to wear leather jackets when we go there?"

"WHAT?!"

*Oh, fuck* Sam thought to himself, watching Y/n rise from her seat.

"You think … you really think that I …" she laughed nervously and Sam could tell she would punch Dean in the face if she wasn't a sweet, super nice person.

"How you can even …"

"I can even what, Y/n? Are we now going to pretend like I'm a blind man who can't see how you got attracted to your ex again? Did you really think I couldn't see how your hands were shaking when his filthy face lighted up by seeing you for the first time after all these years?"

Sam wanted to interrupt him or at least leave the room but everything was happening so fast.

"So what? Why and since when you care about my private life?"

"Since you stopped drinking bunker's beers just because you rather drink those crappy poisonous cocktails he makes at the bar!"

Dean was on his feet now as well. And despite his will, Sam couldn't stop his smile. He never saw his brother this jealous before. It was fun.

"Poisonous? … You … of all people, you are the one who says this? cause as much as I know, you're the one who puts dormitives in my guest's food so the poor guy gets tired and can't spend his time with me!"

"Yeah, because your poor guy is not welcomed in MY PLACE!" Dean yelled, punching the table with so much power that made everyone almost jump out of their skins.

"Dean!" Finally Sam interrupted but as soon as he stood up, someone rang the doorbell and Sam could hear Jodie welcoming someone inside.

"Guys … I know it's not my place to interfere but you two really need to sort things out somewhere private … of course that's when both of you can be much calmer than this."

"No, we have nothing to say or to talk about, anymore. Your brother was clear enough when he said he wants me to move out, so I'll move out. And that's it."

Y/n declared, looking at Sam to resist any eye contact with Dean, probably to make him even more crazy.

"And that's it? You wanna ignore that part where you were too eager and ready to accept that suggestion and leave the bunker instantly like your pants were on fire?!"

Dean retorted while Y/n was shaking her head like she couldn't believe him.

"Whose pants are on fire?" Jodie interrupted as soon as she re-entered the room with the coffees she'd made, this time a man was with her. Y/n's guy. The famous bartender.

*Oh, No!*

Sam sighed, closing his eyes for a second so the guy couldn't read his face.

"Obviously not mine." Dean hissed through his teeth, looking first at the guy and then at Y/n with such a disappointment and rage that no one could ignore.

"Hey, what's wrong?" The guy asked, choosing the worst spot to stand on: right next to Y/n.

"My typical life I guess. Nothing's new." She mumbled in reply to him but her eyes were still on Dean.

"No, nothing is wrong with your life, Y/n. It's about your choices. That's what's wrong with you. As always." Dean said bitterly. As sharp as a knife, as cold as ice. Sam could see how it drained color from Y/n's face.

"You better watch your mouth, buddy." The Gary guy warned Dean and Sam could tell that if it wasn't for the sudden thud sound that stole everyone's attention, Dean would throw a fight right there. But …

"Y/n!" Jodie almost screamed. Y/n was laying on the floor, seemingly unconscious.

"Oh, God." Sam said as Jodie rushed to her.

"Y/n? … Y/n can you hear me?"

As she sat next to her, Gary's fingers already were on Y/n's carotid pulse point. So Sam couldn't stop himself from looking up at his brother, who was still standing where he was. In shock.

"Oh, shit!" Gary's worried voice made Sam check Y/n's pale face again but Jodie was the one to dare ask the question which was on everyone's minds.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Her pulse ... too faint." He said before turning to Dean: "Is she bleeding?"

"Bleeding?" Dean blinked and mumbled in confusion.

If it was up to Sam, he'd ask *What bleeding?* & *Why are you asking this from my brother?*

"Oh my. You still don't know. Do you?" Gary sneered.

"Know what? What's happening?" Jodie was freaking out now and Sam actually felt the same. He didn't like the way this stranger pretended like he knew her better than them. However what happened next was much more unexpected. And … rude!

To everyone's surprise, the guy reached out to Y/n's jeans and drew his hand between her legs but before anyone could react, he spread her legs open so it could be possible for everyone to see that big red stain there. Then he raised his hand. It was all wet and red in blood!

"She's having a miscarriage." He revealed.

Sam's gaze instantly caught Dean's ... Burning. Dean was burning inside with his heavy silence.

"Don't you worry. It's not mine." Gary added more fuel to that hell with such a mocking tone, staring right back at Dean's eyes.

Now Sam could feel it. The storm was there: rising in his brother's roar!

Before Sam could've moved any muscles, Gary was already pinned to the wall, Dean's hands on his now-ripped-out collar.

"Dean, no!" Sam jumped in, trying to catch his brother's arm before his fist make any contact with the guy's nose but all he could do was changing the direction of the punch which landed on Gary's shoulder, making a painful cracking sound.

"I said no … Dean, stop it." Sam had to literally cage Dean in his arms so the furious man couldn't tear Gary apart.

"Get off me, Sam. This son of a bitch has to learn his place."

"Enough!" As Dean just broke himself free, Jodie's scream stopped everyone in their tracks.

"It's enough!" Jodie warned all three men, pointing at them one by one.

"You want to fight? Not here. Not in my house!"

"But ..."

As soon as Dean opened his mouth to protest, Jodie cut him:

"And you … you should know Y/n is pregnant with your twins. So … you'll be a responsible man who will try his best to save them or you can get the hell out of here and never come back!"

"What?" Sam was too shocked to suppress his reaction while Dean couldn't even find any words to say. His confused look darted between Jodie's face and Y/n's figure while his parted lips kept moving without making any noise, just like a dying fish on the shore!

"I promised her not to tell anyone but it was a promise under normal conditions, not this." Jodie sighed, struggling to keep her emotions under control. Sam saw the worry in her frown. Like a real mother, worried for her children. However it was nothing in comparison to his brother's blank eyes and pale face.

"Dean, It's ok. We just need to take her to hospital. … it's ok, man. I promise."

He had to grab Dean by his jacket, as his brother was struggling to process all of these in his head.

"Come on, man. We got no time. Do I need to do this alone or you'll …"

"Get the car, Sammy."

It was just a simple sentence. Yet it had enough power to make Sam's heart sank. Since Dean had put the car keys in his hand saying that, Sam couldn't stop thinking about that tone. Dean never had called Baby a "car" In years. And Sam had never heard that crack in his voice since their Dad's death.

"You ok?" He finally let himself ask, two hours after they arrived at the hospital.

"I want to be." Dean closed his eyes and put his head against the cold wall, letting the dim light to darken the shadows under his eyes.

"I'm sure she'll be good. She's strong, Dean. You know that."

He smiled and Sam looked away not to watch him. He knew that smile. Dean used to give him that, whenever everything was gone so wrong that Dean couldn't promise him anything good. Like when both of them were still kids. Hungry, cold and all alone in a rusty motel room where John had left them on their own for a one day long hunt but then a heavy snow had crashed the roads and kept them apart for half a week. So Dean had to wash the dishes and do the laundry in the motel to rent the room for another day and provide some snacks so they wouldn't starve to death. But after three days, the hotel managers didn't want them to be around. And Sam could vividly remember that smile on his brother's face when he asked: *Where should we go then?*

"You were always such a father material. You know?"

Sam admitted with a broken smile on his face.

"You were always responsible, kind and caring with me as a kid. And I can't imagine anyone who deserves to be a father more than you."

Dean took a deep breath and opened his eyes without looking at him: "But I don't want ... I really can't, Sammy."

All, it certainly wasn't the response Sam had expected. He used to believe that Dean would never turn down any chance to start a family with Y/n. Especially after everything in the world was back to normal.

"Are you kidding me? You always wanted this."

"No …" Dean finally turned his gaze to meet his brother's confused eyes. "No, Sammy. Not like this. I don't want to raise another kid without his mom. I'm not that strong anymore."

Dang. Once again Sam's heart dropped in his stomach. Dean was really helpless.

"Mr. Winchester?"

Dean was on his feet as Sam just realized the doctor's presence.

"It's me."

Sam prayed for any good news as doctor took a glance of Dean and fixed his glasses on his face …

"To be continued …"

READ CHAPTER 2 HERE

tag list:

@jay-and-dean @adoptdontshoppets @akshi8278

The next and also ultimate chapter will post on Sunday, April 25. Thanks for reading.

Feedback are always appreciated.

[aquamoonchaii]

CHEERS TO US >> JUYEON

⍣ genre: fluff; slice of life; comfort!au

⍣ warnings: none

⍣ pairing: juyeon x reader

⍣ word count: 2.7k

⍣ collab: This is for the collab Summer Love - The Boyz from lovie @bangchan-fairy

⍣ charlie’s notes: juyeon is here! i did a comfort au so you guys can read it to feel better always uwu, this lovely banner was made by the precious @halliney

⍣ summary: juyeon needs to talk to someone, you appear with a glass of wine ready to make his life a little better.

This was his second night in this bar, he would never have expected himself to be alone in a small town drinking beer with snacks on a friday night. But he was desperate and he had to do something, his mind needed to relax.

He has a beer in his hand as he smiles back at the pretty ladies that pass by his table and look at him with desire and interest. JuYeon likes the attention but turns down any invitation to go to another table or even to hotel rooms, he already has a target and is not interested in anyone else.

At least tonight.

Because his target is special, he wouldn't be able to talk about this to the other girls.

Usually summer vacations are all about relaxing after the hard work of a whole year, thinking about all the goals he has reached and the new goals he wants to set for himself. But not this time, he gulps down all the beer and sighs.

JuYeon feels trapped in some kind of existential crisis thinking about if what he is doing is correct and if his life is turning out the way he wanted. Usual stuff that makes young people think a lot.

He is just here waiting for the girl that said would be here around the same time as yesterday, where she literally just came to take care of a drunk friend who was heartbroken. He wasn’t heartbroken but her words certainly had some healing effect on him and he seemed really anxious to talk to her or...

...to anyone really. He is used to being the one who is reliable and the man all his friends go to have some type of advice or comforting words. And being him the friend in need? Hell no.

The irony on him not being able to ask for help or even having the strenght to let out all his weak thoughts is stupid and makes him smile bitterly against his beer. He wonders what the hell he is actually doing here, maybe he is desperate for some comforting words coming from a wise stranger.

“Are you really drowning in alcohol for a woman that cheated on you, idiot?” It was late and the only thing he could hear was the voice of the girl that just entered the bar, she waved at the bartender and he finally noticed the loud sobbing of the wasted man that was two tables apart from him, his whining was part of the whole mood of the bar so JuYeon didn’t even pay attention to the scandal, his own problems were loud enough in his head. He turned his attention to them when the crazy wasted man hiccups and finally shuts up, not even the bartender or the other drunken friends of his could do it. The scene was pretty unforgettable: a tall strong drunk man that was pretty aggressive when someone asked him to lower his voice while sitting down holding a glass of vodka is now hugging the waist of the woman that just called him an idiot. But your next words made his mind explode, he wonders if he is as drunk as the crying guy there.

“If you want to scream, do it to let go, cheer yourself up and move on, don’t just drink and act like an asshole with people.”

Random but effective words. He expects her to mock the man there, instead she hugs him back and pets his hair and talks with a gentle voice but it also sounded strong. JuYeon found her words weird and comforting even if they weren't directed to him or even to anyone to hear he was just close to them and it was pretty late so there was little noise and he could eavesdrop. “Let’s go, you can cry at my house. I won’t look, I promise~ Then we will be sober, you are going to write down all your happy feelings, smile at them and that’s it. The other paper with all the bad feelings is going to be burnt and we are going to kick ass, ok?”

She didn’t make a fuss of it, the woman just petted his friend’s hair until he calmed down and probably passed out when the bartender came to her. “Y/N! You are the drunk whisperer, that was awesome! Why don’t we put him to bed, he can stay the night up in my room and you have some snacks here? I haven’t seen you in weeks!”

“I would love to have a snack from my favorite bartender but the taxi is waiting for me to let my drunk one at home, I promise I will come tomorrow at this exact time. I’ll eat like crazy I promise!”

JuYeon came here at the exact same hour.

He isn’t sure why he came because he didn’t know anyone or had planned anything really, he just hopes you read his mind and approach him to talk about your weird speech that made him feel good for no reason. Or something like that at least.

So when you appear, he notices something.

He is completely sober tonight and doesn’t know what to do to approach you. You are a pretty woman indeed but you intimidate him for some awkward reason. He feels like an idiot but it feels like you are going to read him like a book after looking him in the eyes. So JuYeon stands up and goes to the restroom to gain courage, he will do what he knows best: being a charming perfect boy.

A bit of flirting, maybe a date. That’s all he needs to have a little conversation with you.

"Jacob, can you please stop staring at the random guy? Is he that good looking? Your eyes are glued to him." You laugh as you eat the snacks your friend put on the bar for you to eat as you chat about a whole month of not seeing each other.

"Dude, this guy comes and kills all the ladies. But he is looking at your way too much, I own this place~ He wants something and I will not offer you as a tribute." Jacob follows the tall man's steps with his gaze, he stops when he sees his figure disappear in the restroom. His face is recognizable because well, he is quite handsome for the girls that asked a lot for him that came only yesterday and Jacob just said he is a regular to gain a few more female clients. Actually, he never saw him before and it's a big no for you to even look at his direction.

"Ok but stop staring and what makes you think I'll agree to something? I just want to have this awesome glass of wine as I talk to you about our Sunwoo and his broken heart." He laughs as he wipes the glasses that were recently washed. "I want to slap some sense back to him."

"He needs some time. Let's just be patient with his wailing at least this week, he needs to let it all out." There is this untold secret that only Jacob knows too: your feelings for the guy you took home drunk last night were strong and you decided to let Sunwoo go so your heart was also healing, it was a slow and silent process that was shut by a glass of bitter wine. You would always drink a glass of wine when your feelings were out of control as Sunwoo falls hard and easily and suffers too because of girls.

"Is this your last glass of wine?"

"Of the bitter one, yes. My heart and my liver are all good now, I'll take sweeter things this time." Jacob smiles and nods, he understands and pats your head. A client comes in and he excuses himself to go attend them.

"Is this seat taken?" JuYeon asks and when you look at him, he shows his biggest smile. You pat the seat next to him. "My ego usually needs an extra seat but I guess you can take it." He seems taken aback for the quick answer but he quickly smirks triumphantly and sits next to you. You've met him before but apparently he doesn't remember you.

"May I offer you a drink?"

"No, because this is my last glass of alcohol but we can share snacks as you seem lonely." JuYeon must feel like a champ because he sticks his tongue out sexily and nods, grabbing a toothpick that holds a little cube of cheese on your plate and eats it. "You don't remember me?"

"Is that a pick up line? Because I'm trying to think of one that will make you swoon."

"So you don't." You see JuYeon’s mind wandering at your smirk and trying to read something in your eyes.

It was indeed unexpected a target to flirt back or to be this mysterious because- Wait.

Holy crap.

You caress SunWoo's hair as he blacks out completely on his bed. Of course you feel bad for him, you treasure him a lot but your heart is finally at peace, you’ll be there to pick up the pieces of his oftenly broken heart but yours who used to suffer in silence is okay now. You let him go just as you kept your crush on him. In a blissful secret.

"I'll be right here for you. And I'm voicing out this because it's over and you are half-dead. I liked you so much it's crazy how I could keep it to myself. My crush on you is over and it was beautiful for me and our friendship stays strong as always." You smile at his passed out figure and make him company until his cousin appears to take care of him and calls a taxi for you. The taxi will wait for you in the convenience store as you wanted to buy some things, it’s pretty late but this small town is safe, or at least this neighborhood is.

"I'll have these cereal boxes and these snacks please."

"Is SunWoo still sad for that bad ex- girlfriend? He used to come here and buy her favorite snacks all happily until yesterday when he just bought beers with swollen eyes. We talked for a bit as his first question was why women were so unfaithful."

"Oh really? He came crying? Oh dear, this guy… Yeah, he is a sad single person now. Hopefully, he will cheer up quickly as always. He is now half-dead so he won’t feel any pain." The old lady who attends there knows you because you hang out a lot with Sunwoo and Jacob who lives nearby too. She nods and laughs until he stares over your shoulder.

"Me! Me! I want snacks too! I'm lonely, we can share them!" A man behind you makes you startle with his loud voice as you are paying your stuff, you turn around and find the cute man you saw at Jacob's bar. He is more than tipsy, his cheeks are red and he has droopy eyelids. "I heard you talk to the crybaby~ Talk to me too!"

"Young man, you are drunk. Go to your house!" The lady explains she saw him coming with luggage and he is staying at the house in front of your sad friend. He is pretty quiet and always arrives at the store early with hangovers asking for ramen, she points out he is indeed a gentleman and he must be here for summer vacations so party nights must be his thing or something.

"I'm not a young man, I'm JuYeon sweet lady. I wonder where my money went, my whole wallet disappeared just like my motivation to do stuff." He huffs and you laugh sharing one of your snacks. “Is this for me? You are so sweet, can you be my life mentor? I’ll treat you well I swear!” The store lady laughs at the cute behavior the drunk handsome man has and hushes you as she sees your taxi at the entry. “Wait! Don’t go, I’m trying to propose, drunk whisperer!”

JuYeon’s seductive mood dissipates with the beer foam in his glass. He wonders how the blackout and don’t remembering a single thing after getting drunk should have its negative side. Like this moment, he feels so embarrassed but of course, his stoic face remains the same.

“Oh God, this is so embarrassing. I can’t even pretend I don’t remember stealing your snack, can I?” You shake your head and clink your glass of wine with his glass of beer. “Well, I guess I should use my drunk self to start a conversation.”

And he did, JuYeon initially tried to start a casual little conversation to ask about you and stuff but he ended up spilling about why he is in a small town searching for some peace but apparently it’s his mind the chaotic one instead of the city and its loudness. When he started speaking about it, there’s this feeling of a really heavy load slowly leaving his shoulders and maybe he understands now the american movies that use this plot about talking about your problems with a stranger. He felt relieved, JuYeon is the kind of guy that seems impassive at everything around him and he is praised a lot because of his drive and his determination of not give a single fuck.

But he cares. He notices everything around him. And feeling like he could appear vulnerable sounds awful, just thinking about it makes him regret even approaching you. JuYeon suddenly falls silent, half studying your reactions and half awkwardly shutting up because this was too much information.

"Sometimes a lot of thoughts just turn in a big skein. It's okay to feel weird about it too." You said emphatically (or at least that's his conclusion as you don't mock or roll your eyes), he can't help but stare at you. He was right all these hours thinking about you and your words, his drunk self was right too. You can be a life mentor. The conversation ends when Jacob introduces himself and says he is going to close the bar and that if JuYeon is even trying to talk more with you, he needs to promise he will let Jacob chop his head off if he does something inappropriate.

"Date me."

“No?”

“No, why would I?” This is the fourth night of a long conversation about life and deep topics he thought no one would want to talk about, JuYeon forgot about seduction tips after the second night of just one beer and lots of good talking. He feels comfortable and his mind thinks less of his apparent poor self worth and he now feels encouraged. “If you feel happy singing and being a performer, why are you doubting?”

Good question.

He wants to date you.

It’s kind of impulsive coming from him and basically you two are already hanging out meeting in Jacob’s bar every night. He wasn’t expecting you to say no that easily, it’s shocking and honestly sexy, his ego feels slapped too.

“What?”

“Yeah, we clearly have a mental connection and yes, you are pretty attractive” You say like it's pretty obvious. "But why would I date you?"

"Because… I don't want to eat alone?"

"...and?"

"And I am kind of attracted to you and your amazing brain?"

"...and?"

"Because I feel like you are pretty as fuck and also a friend I will treasure a lot and I will probably scream because I don't know if Jacob is your friend or your boyfriend?"

"What?" You laugh at his sudden confession and at his reaction that seems pretty surprised at his own words. "Well, that kind of convinced me."

"You always make me talk, it's embarrassing and really interesting. How am I supposed to meet another person like you- Wait, I convinced you?" You nod and feel your cheeks heating up as he stares at you and laughs happily.

You can be a life mentor and he will protect you from everything. Maybe you could be a couple.

© aquamoonchaii. all rights reserved

taglist:

@halliney @bangchan-fairy @kpopsnowball @melonmochimoon @prettyjaems @soleilsuhh @haifengg @purplepsycho03

[sebstanseabass]

Afterglow (A Bucky Barnes AU fan fiction) - Chapter 12

Afterglow chapters

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

CHAPTER TWELVE

The chilly wind knocked against your small windows, mirroring the pounding in your head. Opening your eyes felt impossible as the dried tears stuck on your waterline. You groaned with your mouth closed, pulling the blanket over your body. You opened your mouth, licked your dry lips like a puppy just waking up; the aftertaste of liquor sat on your mouth. You almost wanted to hurl everything you put into your mouth last night but you suppressed it, seeing that you were in no state of getting up just yet. How much did I have to drink last night? Did I do something remotely stupid? Did I go somewhere? You had more to ask yourself but your thoughts dissipated, just dreading this hell of a headache to end.

There was more pounding and knocking; left, right and in just every direction — on the windows, in your head and lastly on your door.

"Are you up, doll?" A deep voice echoed from the other side of the door. It belonged to Bucky.

Bucky. Oh fuck, Bucky.

Your eyes shot open at the sound of his voice (not minding the stickiness on your waterline), sudden vivid images appeared in your mind. The bar. Bottles of vodka on the floor. Steve. Your photos. A limo on the street. Wandavision. And Bucky's arms wrapped around you, lips fluttering on your forehead. Dead, drunk thoughts.

Everything was coming back to you. Even the taste of liquor and the smell of the damp street.

Still in a state of hangover, you couldn't bring yourself to speak just yet so you groaned a bit louder, letting him know that you were now brought back to life.

"Good morning, sunshine." He said a little too loudly for your bionic ears.

"Sshhh." was all you could muster, hiding further into the little cocoon you had made yourself just earlier.

"Come on, doll. It's past twelve but I did cook you breakfast."

The softness in his voice made your heart flutter and lessened the pain in your head. Slowly, you uncovered yourself and revealed the mess that you were to Bucky who was just standing patiently in front of you.

"How are you feeling? Do you need to hurl?"

You swallowed, and shook your head no as you slowly stood up from the bed. You grabbed the edge of the nightstand as the floor beneath you started to spiral. Before it could even swallow you whole, Bucky sped towards you and kept his arms around you until you reached the bathroom. You gestured to Bucky that you could wash your face and brush your teeth all by yourself so he let you be. He retreated towards the kitchen.

You tried to find your voice back once you splashed your face with the ice cold water. Yeah, that'll cure my hangover. You stared at your reflection in the mirror and was surprised you didn't look as much of a mess than you imagined you would be. You were thinking disheveled hair (baby hairs going up in different directions, looking like a kid who just played with the static electricity ball for the first time), smudged lipstick, running mascara, and clothes from the night before — a walk of shame starter pack.

A look of confusion crossed your face, noticing that you weren’t wearing the same clothes you were wearing last night. Then you looked back at Bucky with wide eyes, who was whistling a song while preparing breakfast at noontime.

You splashed your face with more water before going to the kitchen. Breakfast had been served at the small round table. Eggs, bacon, bagels, toast, and of course, Bucky's cereal.

"T-thank you." You managed to say.

It seemed like, you noticed, whenever Bucky did something nice to you that you obviously could yourself, the words seemed to fall out of your mouth so painfully slowly. This was the second time. No one had ever bought you clothes before, and had made you breakfast before, so saying the phrase "thank you" came somewhat unnatural.

Bucky didn't seem to notice as he scooped a big chunk of his cereal. "It's no problem. I figured you'd be hungry after... last night."

"Right." Last night.

You sighed, biting a piece of bacon. Oily, savory bacon which tasted better after a hangover. Good God.

The silence started to creep around you as you ate, among the elephants in the room (yes, elephants. I was rather a big crybaby with an undeniable thirst for affection). They were hard to ignore, of course and you knew you had to say something, at least the word "Sorry" but the simple five-letter word got stuck in your throat.

"I was expecting for us to talk once Howard dropped us off but you were knocked out." Bucky started. You mentally thanked him for speaking first but God knows, you couldn't quite handle confrontation — at least not about you. "I hope you don't mind, I changed your clothes and took some of your makeup off your face. You made quite a mess."

"I-I noticed." Third time. "And no, I don't mind at all. I think a 'thank you' is rather appropriate."

"You're welcome, doll." He grinned. "Don't worry, I didn't look. I undressed you with, uh, utmost respect."

"And hey, if you'd seen me naked then we're even." You laughed, recalling the first time you had met him.

"I promise you, I didn't see you butt naked so we're not even."

The mood lightened up a bit and started to take its own pace. You began to sit more comfortably on the chair, and grab more bacon and eggs. "Bucky," You started, hating to break what was a nice, light atmosphere, "I think I need to address the elephant in the room."

You’ve always hated that phrase. Elephant in the room. Why did it have to be elephants? Why couldn't it be, oh I don't know, dogs or cats or a raccoon? It sounded less scarier.

"I was just about to start." Bucky chuckled.

"I truly am sorry for the things that happened last night. Getting drunk, being such a fucking crybaby, and for well, you know."

Bucky knew. You knew. Even if you were drunk as a skunk, you knew all too well what you did. And you shouldn't have done it. Not like that, anyway. Not in that state.

"I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused you, Bucky. I guess I just had my jar full and I exploded right then and there. Y-you have to know," Fourth time, "I don't normally act like that. So rash, and irrational, and such a child. I usually think things through but last night, I clearly didn't. Please don't tell Parker about this. Not a word. Even though I basically take care of him, he's still so worried about me. Last night won't happen again. It was... impulsive, reckless, childish. And just plain stupid."

"Are you done?"

I frowned. "Um, yeah. I think I am."

"Look, y/n. You don't have to apologize. You're allowed to feel that way sometimes and it's okay."

"To feel that way, yes, I suppose but to act on those feelings... I don't think so. God, you shouldn't have seen me like that. Oh, God. Why did I let you see me like that?" Then, your face fell on your hands.

"I don't know if you remember this but just in case... You actually told Steve to call me.”

"I did?" You lifted your face, your eyes meeting his. "Oh no. Steve. I have to apologize to Steve. I think I said some mean things to him or... or something. And I have to pay for those drinks."

"Already taken care of. I talked to him this morning."

"You have Steve's phone number?"

"Let's just say I have my ways, yeah? Now you don't have to worry that much."

"Okay, yeah." You knew now more than ever never to question Bucky when he says stuff like that. "Thank you, Bucky. Really."

"I know, doll." He continued. "So... about your little speech. It was quite big. Ironically. You, uh, really let your guard down."

"To be honest, I don't remember much of it." You admitted, hiding your face through the little knots in your hair.

"I don't remember the exact words you said but I do think you said something of the lines of having to prove your parents wrong and that you've achieved nothing since you came here. And then you told me a bit about your friendship with Wanda and I suppose seeing her studio that fine afternoon pulled a trigger on your envy."

Suddenly, you heard yourself through and amidst the honking vehicles, the sounds of feet trudging the sidewalk, and the snotty wailing coming out of your nose and mouth. You relived it in my head, heard every crack of your voice, smelled the liquor from under your nose, and felt Bucky's hand interlaced with yours.

"Yeah, it's all coming back to me now." I really did let my guard down. All walls. Down. Just like that.

"You've never been back there? To your home?"

"No." You answered. "I have never stepped foot in New Jersey again ever since I moved here. Going back meant I failed and so, maybe I should go now." Bitterness was evident in your voice.

"Y/n, if I had your talent," Bucky set down his utensils now, his eyes digging right into yours, "I would never give it all up, even if it meant rebelling against my parents. If... if my folks were alive and would stop me from chasing my dreams... Hell, I too wouldn't listen to them. And you shouldn't either."

It was the first time Bucky mentioned anything remotely related to his birth parents or anything real in his life. You looked at him, crouched like a little child, lifting a spoon to his mouth. And there it was again, an onion peeling on its own, layer by layer by layer, but still missing its very core.

"It's been years yet I'm still stuck in the bar. That was only supposed to be a temp job to help Peter pay the bills." You knew in your heart and mind that you should stop yourself from talking but your walls were already down; the downest (is that even a word?) they've ever been. Here you were, in a room in front of a man you had only known for days and you had already revealed the most vulnerable side there was to you, that you didn't know even existed.

You didn't know if it was the remaining alcohol in your system or your walls crumbling down some more but talking about it felt right. Because you knew these words were aching to come out of your mouth, desperate for someone to hear them.

To hear you.

"I was so sure," you continued, "that I was going to skyrocket in the media industry. Making a name for myself, seeing my photos on billboards, magazines — everywhere. I wanted to see the world but I got stuck on product photography for small businesses. I was supposed to move on to bigger things... Bigger names. Now, I don't know what's in store for me."

"Y/n, you're living in the city of art and culture. You're surrounded by art and that's why you should explore more of it. And then once you do, find its center; its heart. Let that be your... masterpiece and then make more of it."

"You know, you're really good at selling some bullshit."

"You say it's bullshit now, doll." He laughed. "Until you see the big picture."

Bucky's words kept echoing on the walls of your brain as you tried your best to sleep off the headache you were still suffering from. But the pain in your head overpowered his voice, letting you doze off for a few more hours before you showered, slipped into some comfortable clothes and headed down towards the bar.

It was thirty past five when you arrived in the bar — the latest you had ever been but the realization seeping in your mind slipped away upon seeing Steve enter his office. You ignored the calls from Nick and Nat from behind the counter, wondering why you were so late. Once you were outside of Steve's office, you took a deep breath and gently knocked on his door.

A soft "come in" was heard.

You obliged and stepped inside his cramped office.

Steve stood upright by the window, holding and reading something inside a folder. He noticed your figure and slowly retreated back to his chair. He ushered you to sit across from him. You sent him a tight-lipped smile as soon as you sat down.

"I think you probably know why I'm here." You started. He nodded in response. "Steve, I am so so sorry about last night. I was just... I don't... I can't even begin to fathom why I even did that in the first place — "

"Y/n, stop." said Steve. "I forgive you. And I think I owe you an apology too."

"What do you mean?"

"Last night, you asked me why I bought those photos and why I let you put some of them here in the bar. I didn't lie when I told you that I like them and they're amazing shots but... I think I also did it out of pity.”

And there it was. The truth. Whoever said the truth sets you free never had been lied to. And whoever said it must be suckerpunched right in the face.

"You were struggling, y/n. I could count on the fingers the people who went to your exhibit."

That photo exhibit happened more than a year ago, or maybe less — you couldn't quite remember as you buried it at the back of your mind. It occurred in a space for rent here in the Upper West Side, the same size as your apartment. As Steve described the scene that day, the memory immersed at the center of your brain, placing all the things displayed, all the people who showed up one by one. And little by little, a part of you started to fade into dust.

"You don't have to remind me, Steve."

Steve slid a bunch of photos on his desk towards you. The photos you took from the walls last night were staring at you. Crumpled. "Your new friend Bucky paid me a little visit this morning. We had quite the chat."

"Bucky came?"

"He showed the photos to me and left them here after paying for the drinks you drank last night. I don't know why he did it. He never gave me an explanation but it got me thinking... All these photos, I realized, were of us, the people around you."

"What are you getting at, Steve?"

"The bar, the street outside of the bar, the streets from your rooftop, and the park. They're all a part of your routine. I know I've always shown this professional front in front of you guys but you're not just my employees. I care about you and your well being, and your dreams. That's why I'm letting you go."

"Letting me go?"

"Y/n, what I'm trying to say is you're fired."

"What?!"

Your heart started to pace quicker than it usually would. It started to feel like it was about to punch Steve right in his damn face and knock him off the wall.

"No, no, no, no! This... This is a good thing."

"What? No, it's not! I'm the best employee you're ever gonna get." You argued, trying to save your job.

"That's why I'm firing you, y/n. I don't need you as my best employee. This isn't where you belong. Bartending won't get you anywhere near your dreams."

"But it helps me pay my bills!" You exclaimed, your voice getting higher and higher.

"I know, I know that's why I'm giving you a one-week notice. To think things through, and maybe have a plan."

You scoffed. "I had a plan that took me almost a year and three years later, it didn't work out and now, you're telling me I have one week to plan my damn future?"

"I'm risking losing my best employee yet." Steve replied with a smile, leaning against his cushioned chair. "Take what you can from that."

It had been a few hours after the little talk you had with Steve. Your head was spinning all over the place. You were having a hard time taking orders, and making drinks. You’ve had a few people complain to Nat. Apparently, you had been mixing up orders for the past few hours. Nick encouraged you to take a little break and while having that little break, a familiar lavender-vanilla scene filled your nose.

Your hunches rang true as you saw Bucky enter the bar (no suit this time, just a polo shirt and some trousers). Behind him followed a black man, entering the bar for the first time. Bucky spotted you in seconds inside the farthest booth where no one usually sits. A smile landed on your lips.

God, was I happy to see him.

The moment his arm snaked around your waist, your thoughts dissipated in a snap. "Hey, doll. I brought a friend of mine."

The black man beamed upon seeing you, extending his hand out for you to shake.

"Okay, let's cut to the chase. My name is Sam Wilson and I want to make business with you."

[tu-mint]

“The Lemonade” Guy Pt. 1

When Jade realizes her feelings for a certain schoolmate go beyond a friendship, she makes a tremendous effort to rid herself of it.

Song Inspo(s): Wicked Games - Kiana Lede; I Won’t Say I’m In Love - Hercules

International AU!

Word Count: 4k+

~

There was rarely ever something Jade tried to avoid other than the topic of Manu. The reactions that came upon his death were much too triggering to her anger, and she refused to allow that level of rage to overcome her again; thankfully this was not the case. Now while that was a relief, the actual issue being avoided proved to be almost as troubling, and the foreign girl did not realize the matter until recently.

UA High was bustling with noise and movement, people curious about the UA students from different parts of the world. Jade was blessed to have been shown secret entrances and passageways by Ren as to avoid news reporters. While it wasn’t anything she wasn’t unfamiliar with, the second year student knew uncomfortable and personal questions would turn up if given the chance, so she decided staying in the shadows would be safe for now. Stepping onto school grounds, Jade found Maeda, Kubo and Ren chatting with two students she could not recognize. One was a girl with long cyan hair and a bright expression, and the other a boy with his head turned away from the trio. Hm...maybe they're new kids? It was difficult to tell whether or not they were around the same age as her, but Jade concluded they were older looking at their height. The girl craned her neck to look over her shoulder then gasped loudly.

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshisthisher?!" She sped towards the international student and stretched a hand outward, grinning widely. "Nejire Hado, third year here at the original UA! You must be Jade, I was just asking your friends about you, and I heard you were from Los Angeles! Tell me what it's like! Is the food really good? What about the school? Is it different from the UA here? Ooh, what about your father? Is it true about him being a Pro Hero? What's his quirk? Is it like yours? Wha--"

"Easy Hado, she just got here," Ren intervened with a light chuckle. "Well, she already introduced herself, so that leaves the guy hiding behind her, Tamaki Amajiki, also a third year student. He's a bit shy as you can see." Jade leaned on her side to find the indigo haired male from earlier, head hung low and arms crossed tightly. She gave a small smile when he peeked up from the locks curtaining his face, pleased when he gave a single nod.

"It's nice to meet you both," chirped the foreign girl with a bow to which Hado squealed.

"And she's respectful! Ah, such an intriguing new person to meet--oh! I have to introduce you to Mirio, you'll love him, most girls do. Now where is he--" She scampered away with Tamaki in tow, slipping into the sea of students and staff members. Jade watched on with a scowl on her face. Most girls do? What is she trynna say, that I'm gonna be part of some bandwagon? She felt a hand on her shoulder pulling her out of her thoughts.

"She didn't mean it like that," came Ren's voice again. "Hado has a very blunt and unconventional way of speech, don’t mind her."

"It's something she can work on considering she wants to pursue becoming a Pro Hero," Maeda interjected, her tone flat but firm. Jade hummed in agreement and looked amongst the other pupils. Upon seeing the many faces, her eyes became fixed on one that stood out.

In a large crowd of females stood a tall and bulky male, his smile gleaming and proud. He appeared to be speaking to them, a round of giggles following soon after whatever he’d said. There were a few international students Jade recognized taking pictures with him and handing him slips of paper, presumably with some kind of social contact on it. That must be who the girl was talking about seeing he has an entire--wait a minute! It wasn’t until he looked up that she realized why the male seemed familiar. That’s the guy who I ran into at the entrance! The one who gave me that stupid nickna--

“Gemstone!” 

Jade cursed inwardly as he advanced in her direction. She glanced at the entourage behind him, their faces surprised or annoyed, and it didn’t help that some of them were now moving closer too. Her feet were glued in place as the male stood before her, a cheeky grin evident on his face. Blonde hair, blue eyes, nice body...definitely the same guy from the first day.

”Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten my name already,” he chuckled, crossing his arms. Jade noted how the gesture made his already defined muscles tighten. An odd tension arose in her abdomen, but she quickly dismissed it and cleared her throat.

”Togata if I remember correctly.” The foreign girl bowed, remembering her manners. It was best to keep a respectful image considering the person before her was not only older, but one of the most skilled students attending the original UA. “It's good to s—“

”Togata, I need some help getting to my classes," a voice suddenly cut in. It came as a realization to Jade that a majority of the girls from earlier were now surrounding them. The person who had spoken was an international student herself, but she didn't look too pleased that all the attention was on someone else. Her hand crawled up Togata's arm in a suggestive manner before resting at his shoulder. "I'm not too familiar with UA Japan's complex," she continued, "so it would help a lot."

"Ooh wait, I think I need help too!" someone else from the crowd piped.

"I do as well!"

"Me too!"

Soon numerous hands were tugging at the tall male with pleads and demands of showing them around the school. Jade watched as Togata weakly smiled and tried to talk amongst the bunch with reason; it proved useless as they continued to grab at him from every direction. An unusual feeling rushed to her torso again, but something felt much different from earlier. In place was a strong stinging sensation, not enough to hurt but enough to generate irritation. What in the hell--

"Something wrong, Lofota?" Maeda's voice snapped Jade back into reality. Ren and Kubo were before her, curiosity etched on their features. From her peripheral line of vision she could see the bulky third year being dragged away with a familiar cyan and indigo haired duo following close behind.

"We saw Togata and his groupies approach you, but you looked as if you were ready to jump at one of them," Kubo remarked. "I personally don't mind, just give me a heads up next time so I can record it for memories." Maeda rolled her eyes at this.

Jade chuckled and shook her head. "It wasn't anything like that, guys, I think my mind was just occupied with something else. Let's try and get to class before news reporters start breaking through the gates." She walked alongside the trio and listened to them explain UA Japan's school system and the events that were set throughout the year. Despite her nonchalant attitude, the sting remained in Jade's stomach; she figured it would go away after some medication and rest.

~

It took a little over a month for the second year to realize that the peculiar feelings in her system were not an overnight situation. Jade took matters into her own hands and recorded when her stomach fell into any eccentric sensation, noting what, when and how much she ate and any possible patterns. When food appeared to be free of guilt, she tried looking at her sleep patterns and clothing for clues but was met with the same result. Her concern had caught Ren's attention when the medic pupil found her seated on a hospital bed speaking to Recovery Girl.

"Hon, I've ran multiple scans and checkups and found nothing," sighed the elder. "Your health is in great shape and according to your own data, it seems like you're doing just fine. Maybe try laying down, it seems this issue with your tummy is stressing you out." Jade complied wordlessly, but Ren could see that she was still in heavy thought. When Recovery Girl exited the office, she took a seat beside the bed and peered up. "Thinkin' real hard over there, aren't you?"

Jade turned on her side with a groan. "I just wanna figure out what the hell is wrong with me, it's starting to piss me off."

"What've you been doing?"

"School, hero training, eating, sleeping, the usual."

"Any foods you can think of that caused that pain?"

"No, but that's the weird part!" The foreign student sat up and pulled a leg to her chest. "This feeling I keep getting, it doesn't hurt. It just--it doesn't...I never had this before, but I'm not sure if that means I'm doing something wrong that's causing my body to react the way it does."

Ren arched her brows in search of an answer. "Can you maybe describe this 'feeling' by comparing it to something? Or perhaps using a metaphor? Just so I can understand this better."

"It...well, there's usually two kinds of reactions. At one point, my abdomen feels light but constricted, like it can't take anything in because everything is squeezed out. When that happens, I also feel my heart rate pick up, and my body feels overheated." The medic nodded and gestured to continue. "The second feeling is more like a stinging one, or like a burn--yeah, burning would be a more accurate comparison. When my stomach gets like that, I get really annoyed, but there's only so much I can do when the problem is internal. I tend to get more of the first reaction than I do the second, if that helps."

It was an interesting explanation given, and Ren understood why Recovery Girl struggled a bit providing help. She was quiet for a long time, but just as her friend was about to speak, she asked another question: "Does this ever happen around a specific time? Specific person? Maybe a certain group of people or things?"

Jade blinked before lying down again, her attention focused on the ceiling. Is there somebody or something always near me when this happens? She reeled through all the faces and names she'd ever interacted with, staff members, students, strangers, but no exact nouns came to mind that she could recall triggering this reaction. The foreign student shook her head.

"Huh, well...what's the earliest you recall first feeling these sensations?"

"I think the earliest I felt it was when I was talking to Togata and--" Almost immediately the rest of Jade's sentence died on her tongue. Ren quickly caught the abrupt end and tried to make understanding of what had just happened. The memory was clear as day in her mind, meeting Hado and Amajiki, Togata walking up to her with immaculate bulging muscles, the crowd of female students hauling him away and the indefinable feelings in her abdomen, it all began to click. However, looking over the details of that time, Jade realized that the sensations ultimately activated when she was around--

"Togata."

She whipped her head in surprise.

"Togata is the cause behind your odd abdominal feelings," Ren smiled, "which tells me this is definitely not a medical issue." She bit back a laugh at the disbelief on Jade's face. It seemed she understood what was being implied as she began shaking her head feverently.

"No no no and no, you better not say what I think you're about to say, Ishikawa."

"Aw, c'mon now Jade, you can't be upset at me! I was just trying to help you understand the cause of your stomach issues, looks like it was just butterflies the whole time."

The foreign student grimaced. "Ren, please don't."

"But it's actually cute! I personally think that you both--"

"REN I GET IT, STOP."

Jade sat in irritation until her friend ceased laughing, then hopped off the bed and brushed off her uniform. The medic pupil stood up immediately and pulled her into a hug, chuckling lightly. "Well, now that we found the root of the issue, what are you gonna do? Am I helping you plan a confession?"

"I'm gonna get rid of it.” Ren's snickering stopped. Jade's face and tone was enough to say she wasn't kidding.

"Heh, I uh...I don't think I heard you correctly?"

"Get rid of it. I'll just distance myself from Togata so that my mind can adjust it's thoughts towards him." She hurried after her friend down the hallway. Students buzzed around them, lively chatter and activity surrounding the pair.

"Wait a minute Jade, I'm not understanding how this is being helpful."

"Ren, the more time I am not near him or able to visibly see him, I'm more than a hundred percent sure that whatever these annoying feelings are will dissipate. When that happens, I can go back to being in the guy's presence without any weird aura surrounding me, but until then, I'm following a strict 'No Togata' routine."

The medic student scoffed in amusement. "Routine? Jade, that's the most ridiculous thing I've heard a UA student say. I say just let it happen and see where it goes from there. Who knows, maybe he possibly could return--"

"Ah--" Jade stopped and held a hand up. "I'm gonna stop you there for two reasons. One, the sole reason anyone should attend this school is to pursue some kind of a career, and this applies especially to me. I was sent here as a representative because UA Los Angeles trusts me to execute and display my skills as a potential Pro Hero, not to go messin' around with Japan's kids, let alone the top students. I have an entire city depending on me, Ren, I can't mess this up." She sighed and took in another breath. "Two, if anything, I am far from his type."

"His type? How can you even know that if you only ever said hi to the guy like, three times?"

"Context clues. If it isn't directly in front of you, look at everything around to find your answer."

Ren deadpanned. "And what exactly did you look at to find your answer?"

"Upbeat, lively girls," Jade replied as if it should've been an obvious answer. The pair entered the cafeteria which was more cramped than usual. Staff members were present, most likely by Nezu's word to have travelling students feel more welcomed. All Might stood among the teachers with a countless number of admirers already circled around him, all different years, sizes and appearances. A certain green haired boy appeared to be of his utmost interest as he practically shouted in the student's face. Ren chuckled at the sight, but she noticed her friend's attention was focused elsewhere.

Her gaze was closed in on a table swallowed by a swarm of students. Some were people from earlier that were practically throwing themselves at Togata, and it seemed no different as he sat at the center of the table enjoying his lunch. Hado was seated across from him, her expression as bright as ever, and beside them was a shaking Amajiki, his head rested against the structure’s surface. His nervous movements ceased, however, and Ren smiled seeing the cyan haired girl had slipped her hand into his, returning to her conversation with ease. Jade also noticed the subtle gesture, but she wouldn't help feeling a pang of annoyance at the audience surrounding the blonde boy. She didn't realize she was watching so intensely until his eyes crossed the room to meet hers. Crap! Immediately Jade looked away, unsure if she was more embarrassed about getting caught or feeling irked over a guy. You're here to represent your school, show your worth of an upcoming Pro Hero. Stop getting distracted! Distance! "Ren, let's get some lunch. I'm sure Tokoyami and the others are awaiting your presence."

"Our presence." Jade smiled as they strode across the cafeteria. The medic always made sure she felt included no matter what the situation was; it eased her thoughts greatly, which was something she needed.

~

Another month passed and Jade had almost become like a second Maeda, so intently focused during school hours and hero training. Even on off days, the international student went about her own activities, only ever seen for meals or rest. Her bond remained close with Ren, Maeda and Kubo in various ways, however, and she was present whenever a hangout commenced, so it seemed like everything was completely fine. Ren's teasing had become more discreet (much to Jade's relief) and she created a codename for the blonde third year.

"'The lemonade'?" Jade cringed. The two met up for a walk through town one day, and it seemed safe enough to discuss the matter since they weren't near school grounds.

"I think it's pretty subtle, and keeping the word 'the' in the codename would have people assuming we're actually talking about a beverage. Plus," the medic eyed her friend, "the guy is a tall glass of lemonade if I do say so myself, heh."

"Ren don't--"

"Lemonade sounds good right about now." She froze. It took everything in the foreign girl to not begin speed walking as soon as she heard the familiar upbeat voice behind her. From the look on her friend's face, Jade's assumption of Togata's presence was true. Unfortunately true. She slowly turned around, a faux smile in place until her eyes fell upon something hiding behind the male.

It was a little girl, she could tell that much, with long snowy locks spilling from behind Togata's calf. The child peeked up from her spot, red irises meeting Jade's indigo ones. The foreign girl was locked in place as she suddenly recalled her family. She thought of her parents' cooking and singing, her brothers' livelihood for sports, but she was especially reminded of her sister. Youngest and the only other girl in the line of siblings, they did a lot together. From shopping together to painting to singing to sightseeing, Jade realized how much she'd missed them. The exchange of words between Ren and Togata were a muffed noise as she crouched down, entrapped by the little stranger.

"I'm Jade, it's nice to meet you." The words slipped out like butter, and thankfully it didn't seem to frighten or discomfort the child. She looked up to the male for approval, then stepped forward and let his hand go. 

"My name is Eri, it's nice to meet you too," she squeaked with a bow. Jade was awestruck by her politeness and shifted onto her knees to bow in return. When they both straightened up, Eri bore a wide smile and returned to Togata's side.

"Gosh, Gemstone, thought you were ignoring me for a sec." Reality hit the foreign girl immediately when she met the blonde's gaze, and her stomach felt tight again. Damn it, not now! Calm down, breathe, breathe, don't overreact. She stumbled getting back on her feet and managed a sheepish expression.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" she apologized more aggressively than she meant to. "I was just so surprised seeing you with a kid, and she just--"

"Oh? Do you think I'm not good with kids?" He raised a brow. 

Crap, why does he have to look cute doing that. "I never said that," Jade rolled her eyes. "I was just surprised seeing you outside of your whole entourage, that's all." She cursed at her choice of words. Now I just sound like I'm hating on him.

"My entourage? Sounds like someone's a bit jealous."

"Ha! Boy, ain't nothin' to be jealous of." The second year held her ground as the bulky male challenged her with a smirk. Ren cleared her throat, acknowledging her presence and causing Jade to force herself back. She didn't realize how close she'd gotten to him during their small banter, but it was definitely closer than what she was comfortable with. "Ren, uh, I believe you were talking about something, yes?"

The medic peered over in amusement. "Yeah, I was talking about lemonade, which since you're here Togata with little Eri, I believe we can all get some together." Damn you, Ren!

Eri gasped before tugging on the male's sleeve. "Can we please, Mirio?"  The sight made Jade's heart swell, and she couldn't be upset if it was an adorable child asking to accompany them. He beamed down at her and nodded his head.

"Ladies, you may lead the way." During the walk to a mini cafe Ren knew of (thanks to Tokoyami), Jade observed how attentive and caring Togata was with Eri, playing games or cracking jokes that made her laugh. Citizens passing commented on their closeness in adoration, many praising the third year for looking after the child with such passion. Even when there were those who tried to flirt with him, the boy paid them no mind and brushed off their efforts. Jade didn't know him too well, but she knew it would be difficult to want to be away from the guy, especially after seeing this side of him, away from the crowds, away from the hero limelight. Togata truly was someone to admire. A familiar tightness returned to her torso, but for now, she was okay with it.

She was pleased being able spend time with Eri herself, learning more about her likes and hobbies. A lot of what the young girl enjoyed Jade discovered was also liked by her sister. "What's her name?" the child asked, munching on a pastry. The horn atop her head glimmered in the sun while she finished up coloring a drawing.

"Her name is Carolei," the international student smiled, "but my family and I just call her Lei."

Eri dropped her coloring utensil on the table and leaned forward. "Can I call her Lei, too?" Jade looked around as though someone was listening to their conversation, then nodded with a wink, much to the child’s delight. They giggled and chatted, forgetting about time and enjoying getting to know one another. The second year felt as though she wasn't in Japan, but back in America with the people she'd cared about and loved; it felt good to bathe in the comfort and reminisce of home. Someone had gripped the back of Jade’s chair; she turned assuming it was Ren until she was face to face with a broad chest and the strong aroma of musk. Her heartbeat boomed in her head and she slowly turned back to Eri, allowing her nerves to calm. Ren bit back a laugh, but a tug on Jade’s hand distracted her from making a slick comment.

"Jade," said Eri in a small voice, "I have to leave now, but...do you think we can hang out another time?"

A sudden idea popped into the second year's mind at the young girl’s request. With a kind smile, she squeezed Eri's hand reassuringly. "We'll have plenty more days to hang out, hon, just me and you."

"Ouch, and what about me, Gemstone?" Togata whined, a hand on his chest in offense.

"Ah, I'd rather not be attacked by your fangirls. Besides, you have Amajiki and Hado to hang out with, and I know you see Eri almost every day." Both parties waved goodbye before continuing on their own paths. Ren and Jade were in a comfortable silence until the medic let out a sigh.

"You literally just missed your opportunity."

"Girl, what? If anything, I'd say I just opened the door for an opportunity."

"Opportunity for what? You literally shut the guy down."

"With good reason," the foreign student argued. She wasn't rude in her response to the older boy, and it was honest! The last thing Jade needed was rumors tainting her name simply for the fact that she hung out with one of the big three alone, especially if they were of the opposite sex. "Anyways, back to the opportunity I was talking about. I think Eri can help me out with this."

~

Happy New Years everyone! Thought I would just drop by with this little piece since I have been lagging quite a bit lol, anywho, just a little bit of love for our favorite blonde boy since I don’t see too much on him. Be safe everyone! Like, comment & share!

OC Creds to: @gureii (Ren, Maeda, Kubo

[fangsofsin]

I'm not sure what to think of Marks new video. The respect one... I kinda agree but I don't either... help! what do u think fang?

(My opinion and feelings are just my opinions and feelings. They may vary from yours and that’s okay. Please talk to me if you have a different thought. Any hate or bashing will be ignored in favor of having a calm and collected adult conversation or debate. I am open to either)

While I’m not sure why everyone issuddenly asking my opinion on these things, I appreciate that youwant to hear whatever the heck I have to say. So I guess I’ll justget on and tell you why I feel Mark had a good idea, but not a goodargument.

Remember back when I made theSeptiplier post and I mentioned that Mark and Jack have goodchemistry but that doesn’t make them best friends or anything? Thesame goes with Mark and Felix. I’m bringing this up right now becauseall damn day – since the video posted – I’ve been seeing peoplesay “Mark’s gonna defend his best friend but as a best friend heshould’ve called Felix out on what he did”…  

Where did anyone get the idea thatFelix and Mark are best friends? Again, they work well together andthey like hanging together. But that doesn’t make them best friends.It’s never been established that they’re “best friends”… Again.You can have good chemistry with someone but not be the best offriends. They could be friends. But friend and best friend areactually pretty different meanings.

A friend issomeone you have a casual but still personal enough relationship withthat is based on a common ground. Meaning you both like similarthings or dislike similar things and so you become close throughthose likes and dislikes, but it doesn’t always go past that. As fora best friend, that is a title for someone you have deeperrelationship with that passes the boundaries of simply having similartaste in music or whatever drew you to someone. A friend doesn’t havethat big or deep of a connection to you while your best friend doeshave that deep bonding that can even be considered on the same levelas the one you have to your flesh and blood family (or at someone ofthat love and connection level).

As far as we know,Felix and Mark are on the friend level and that means they havesimilar grounds they walk on, but they’re not super personable anddeep with one another. As far as we know.

Now! Even if theyare best friends, what true friend is going to call out – in frontof a digital platform as huge as Mark’s and Felix’s and YouTube ingeneral – another friend like that?! That would be like finding outyour bff is cheating on her man with another guy and you decide tocall her out and point her out to half the student body during like aclass presidential election or something… WTF? How? Why. What aboutthat is right at all? Because that’s exactly what people aresuggesting! They’re suggesting that Mark should have called out Felixon the platform and left him to be stoned by Mark’s fans… That’snot the kind of community Mark is trying to create or wants.

You don’t throwyour friend under the bus like that if you’re a true friend or even atrue best friend. Even if Felix had given Mark the go ahead to callhim out in front of the entire community, that still wouldn’tbe right as a friend or even as a person.

So that argumentaside, the overall video? Well first off, here. I’m that person and Iwent and fucking wrote down the whole speech as best as I could.

Respect… It’ssomething that I feel has been lost, lately.

I even feellike the definition of respect has been muddied a bit. Because peoplehave a tendency to apply it only to accomplishments that they feelare worthy of praise and admiration.

But I’m talkingabout respect on a basic level. Even if you just boil it down tocommon human decency… Is being lost.

The golden rulestill applies. You still need to treat people the way that you wannabe treated.

And you’reseeing it less and less these days.

Because peoplehave an automatic tendency to assume that if someone is disagreeingwith someone, they are their enemy. And they’re inherently bad. Andthey should be fucked.

But you candisagree with someone and still respect them. You can even hatesomeone. You can hate and abhor their actions. They are doingterrible things and they need to be hated… But you still need totreat them with respect.

And that’shard.

And you mayeven be thinking like “How can you do that? That’s not possible.If they are a terrible person they deserve to be treated unfairly.”

And that’s notthe way I want to live.

We are allhumans.

And either weare all humans that are equal and deserve to be treated as equals, orwe’re not. And I know people are probably going to think I amspeaking too generally about this, so I want to get specific.

I’m talkingabout this because of the frenzy that is surrounding Felix. NotPewDiePie. Felix.

And I wanna bevery clear about something. Felix is not an anti-Semitic and Felixdoes not advocate hate. And I’m not even defending the jokes that hemade because even he has apologized for some of the jokes that hedid.

But he as aperson, as an inherent human being… He’s not these labels.

Because it’s soeasy to label someone. It’s so easy to do. It’s so easy to boilsomeone down to a single word or a phrase and that’s all they are.

Even if you’repraising them. I mean, normally, it’s when you’re demonizing them,but even if you are praising them, even if you’re putting someone ona pedestal or if you’re calling them human scum and trash andgarbage, you’re inherently dehumanizing them in both aspects.

And that’ssomething I will never stand for. Never.

‘Cause I havesaid it a million times, over and over I repeat this all the time. Weas YouTubers are the exact same as you. We’re humans. We’re peoplewandering this world, trying to figure out who we are just the sameas you.

And even thoughsomeone like Felix is being attacked and he’s a lightning rod forhate. Whether or not that’s a fault of his own actions or the societywe live in, that doesn’t mtter to me.

Because what Iam talking about is the most basic human element, the one rule I knowvery deep down, is that we are all equal and deserve to be treatedwith respect.

We’re more thanour labels. I don’t give a fuck what the color of your skin is, Idon’t care what religion you believe you believe in, I don’t carewhere you come from or where you are now. All I care about is who youare and whether or not you are free to be able to discover that.

And I’m notjust even talking about Felix now, I am talking generally.

Cause if we areeven going to be more than we are right now. As a society, as apeople, as a species, as Planet Earth… If we’re ever going to bemore than that, we need to, at the most basic level, respect eachother…

And it’s hard.It’s hard to take the high road. It’s a lonely road. No one wants togo that way, cause it’s so easy to seek vengeance. Or apply the“other rule”; An eye for an eye.

Or labelsomeone as a simple word or phrase just to dismiss them.

And, I know,people are even going to twist my words. People are going to say thatI am defending the wrong people or I’m defending bad people or I’mI-I’m spreading hate indirectly because I support other people.

That’s not theway I see the world. I see each and every one of us, not defined byour race or our creed. But each and every one of us a new opportunityto find ourselves, and in order to defend that, I have to advocatethe treatment of everyone as an equal.

If you don’thave that, what’s going to become of us? What’s gonna happen in fiftyyears when the generations that follow us look back and see thattheir forefathers were too afraid to treat each other with the mostbasic level of respect.

I believe… Ibelieve very firmly… That every single person in the world has theability to do something amazing or terrible. To spread love or hate.

And whether ornot they do one or the other depends on us. Depends on us beingstrong enough to take the high road in the face of the worstadversity.

I have so muchhope for people. I have so much hope for this world and I have somuch hope for what we can do to make it a better place. And that’ssomething I will defend to the death

When it comesto dehumanizing someone or anyone, I won’t stand for that. Because atthe end of the day, there’s going to be people that follow us. Andit’s up to you and me to show them what respect really means.

… now if you read that whole thing, props to you. But let me justsay that I am not trying to twist and rip Mark’s words or hisopinions. I’m sharing my overall opinion on what the man is talkingabout. Now… That said.. It may come off as me twisting them orreading them wrong, but we are – as he said – human and interpretthings different. So this is my interpretation of what I think onwhat he has said.

First off, yes. It’s a good place Mark is trying to come from. He hasa very soft heart and a strong belief and he’s always been verypassionate that way and always shared who he is and what he believes.And that’s always been very admirable and good of him… But Mark hasa flaw.

His thought process is all over the place and he comes off aspassionate rambler.

Mark’s overall message is that we need to take the high road and turnthe other cheek and be the better person and give everyone therespect that we ourselves want from others. And that’s not a badview. It’s very hippy like… But it’s not a bad thing to want frompeople, to advocate for.

But the problem with this, is that Mark talks about things in thisvideo that actually are not things we can just turn the other cheekfrom. I’m sorry. Some of these things are not at a state that we canjust ignore or look away from. At least I personally can not lookaway from them.

I don’t give afuck what the color of your skin is, I don’t care what religion youbelieve you believe in, I don’t care where you come from or where youare now. All I care about is who you are and whether or not you arefree to be able to discover that.

That’s great for you, Mark. But for me, personally, these are aspectsthat make up who I am and who you are. Color is a very deeptopic right now. There’s people out in the world literally fightingfor their lives because of the color of their skin. Black advocatesare fighting because of their skin. People are being gunned down,raped, murdered, and many other terrible things,because of their skintone. Is it right? Fuck no! Do I agree that skin shouldn’t make upsomeone? Yes. But is it still a part of what can make up who you arebecause it can effect what lead you to be who you are.

As a white, blonde hair and blue eyed female I have no experiencedoppresion like a black female of the same age as me has. Have Iexperienced limitations because I’m a female? Yes. But have I beenracially set aside and degraded? No. At least not to my fucking face.Black women and men have. They face police fear every day becausesome jackass in a uniform thinks he can gun down whoever he wantsbecause he’s wearing a blue uniform. This is shit that’s happening topeople and it’s because of their skin and when that happens, you canbet that if I was in that skin, I’d be fearful and have a differentview of things than I do now.

Religion is another thing. People still – still, in 2017 –use religion to advocate what they see as right and are attackedbecause of it. Radical Christians use religion to attack the lgbtqa+community on a daily basis. Muslim women are attacked in subways andon the streets and in stores because of their religion. Jews arestill mocked and ridiculed in media because of their religious – orsupposed actions – actions in the past. Religion is a factor inpeoples lives. It’s something people fight with and for every daybecause you have people attacking them for what they believe is theirGod/Gods/Etc. And that shapes you as a person. Your religion and yourexperiences because of your religions, has an effect on who you are.

Where we come from can determine a lot of things. Come from an areawith an abundance of racial slurs and treatment? It effects you onceyou step outside that area or someone new steps into your life. Yougrew up in poverty and come from a poor neighborhood? That effectshow you view and act in the world. You grew up very privileged?Congrats, you’ve grown up effected and get a kick when you see whatothers don’t have that you always neglect. Come from a country youhad to escape because of war? Again, you’re being developed by thatexperience and what it was like to grow up with a country at war.That matters about who you are now because it lead you to take yourroads.

All these, Mark, are what can make and break us to who we are. Yes.We can escape some one these. Like where we grew up? We can run fromit (or try to anyway). We can run from our religion or even turn ourback on it. That’s something we can do… But it’s still something wedid. Something that’s a part of what lead us to be where we are now.

At least that’s how I’ve always seen things. I grew up with parentsthat had me too young and were always fighting and even recall copscoming to my house to separate them. I was bullied and isolated onthe playground and in my classrooms as a disease because I was “odd”and considered dirty or poor and disgusting for reasons I can’t tothis day pinpoint why and reasons that followed me all the way toeven college. I had a farm to grow up on. I was sheltered from a lotof things and came off as ignorant because of it. My mother didn’thave patience to teach me anything so she would get mad at me and domy homework for me because she thought she was helping me when reallyit fucked me up later in high school and college. I grew up withracist family members and got hit in school because I was nevertaught that calling someone a certain slur – not the n-word butsomething just as bad – was a bad thing and got a black eye andbeat up by a girl because I said that to her. I stole money fromsomeones purse once because I didn’t have money for food and hadn’teaten in two days and was getting sick. I broke down in a churchbecause, even if I’m not that religious, the sermon I was at wasbeautiful and made me realize I was depressed and I had beensuppressing it. I watched a black student get passed over for a partin the play that she would have murdered, because she wasn’t “theright type” and they picked a bubble gum barbie white girl for therole.

These are things in my past. These are things that my color, where Icame from, and what my mild religious belief, have done that matterto me now. Stealing that money made me learn to better respect everyvalue of a dollar I have. Getting beat down and seeing that blackstudent get passed over made me respect that the POC communityhandles so much shit and they are fed up with it and they have aright to be punching back. Being sheltered came back and got mebullied more than what I was by the time I hit middle school.

So I don’t like when someone says anything like what was said.Because while that shit shouldn’t matter, it does. It makes up a partof you. And every part of you means something important and tellsyour story. Just like the scars you get, these are the scars andmarkings on your inner self that make you who you are and to just say“I don’t fucking care about that shit” is – to me –like saying you don’t give a fuck about me.

Now I’m sure he was talking about the content of your personality.But even still, your personality is based around what you have takenfrom these aspects of yourself. My religious or lack of have shapedparts of how I act. My being bullied has made me not want to ever bea bully and to fight anyone who tries to bully me or people I careabout. My racial stupidity choices have made me want to be a bettersupporter and to make myself learn and be educated as a bettersupport for the POC community. Where I grew up has made me see partsof what I want to be and want to not be and why I pushed myself tomove out to California; to be here and gain a new aspect of mypersonality to grow with the one I have or make it better.

Now maybe I’m twisting the words to harshly. But the moment he saidthat, I frowned and this – above – is what came to mind. It’swhat I see. And again, I could be just jumping conclusions and I cantake a breather and realize that he could’ve meant something entirelydifferent.

But that’s what I mean when I say Mark gets a bit scattered. Some ofthe stuff he says… When you’re someone who has a large communitylike him or Felix or any of the big YouTubers, your actions and wordsand views do get analyzed. You’re not some random on the street.You’re a face and a voice for a platform and so your words matter.Your actions matter. And they get heard. And like I said, everyonehas an opinion and can hear the same sentence I heard and read itcompletely different.

It’s like that old saying that if you put someone of every religiousbelief in a circle in a room and you hand them a Holy Bible and makethem read it, they’re all going to interpret it one way or anotherand the debate about it could last for years. It’s that same concept.What they write and say does do something and does have power.

But you candisagree with someone and still respect them. You can even hatesomeone. You can hate and abhor their actions. They are doingterrible things and they need to be hated… But you still need totreat them with respect.

This statement kind of threw me off… And I see it did to a lot ofpeople.

If someone is indeed “the scum of the earth” - words Mark used –and they’re doing things from child pornography, rape, murdering, andall of the above… I will not respect them. I will not respect menwho beat on women or women who beat on men. I will not respectsomeone who defiles an innocent toddler for their satisfaction. Iwill not respect someone who murdered someone in cold blood. I willnot respect those that spit and piss on the memory of blacks or Jewsor any race or religion that was wiped out because of simply whatthey are or what they were born as. I will not.

Mark’s message is a good thought in simplistic form. And he says thebasic form of respect is what he’s talking about… But does he notknow what the basic definition of respect is?

Respect, according to the dictionary, is “a feeling of deepadmiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities,qualities, or achievements” (noun). Abilities are somethingyou can naturally do at will. (Ex: “I have the ability to roll mytongue”). They are things you are born with. This is often confusedwith talent, which can be learned while a natural ability can notalways be

Qualities – or quality – is defined as “a distinctive attributeor characteristic possessed by someone or something” (Ex: “He hasthe qualities that one would give a strong leader”). Your qualitiescan be learned and taught from your past experiences and from yourown research. Which, again, goes back to your past and where you comefrom and what you do with that.

And achievements is “a thing done successfully, typically byeffort, courage, or skill”. (Ex: “To reach this stage in lifeis a great achievement”). An achievement is technically part of thebasic element of respect. To say people focus on just achievements istrue, but to say you’re talking about just the basic element ofrespect means you’re still talking about your achievements…

To give someone respect is to give them a kindness of sort. When yourespect someone, you see their achievements and qualities andabilities as something to look up to or something you yourself wantto work towards becoming. Like I respect my friend Katie becauseshe’s a strong person, she’s achieved so much with what little she’shad to work with, and she’s got this natural ability (or talent ifyou want to be technical) to adapt to life as it is thrown at her. Igive her respect also because she’s a good person to me and others.

Now what about people that I don’t even know? Well I respect Beyoncefor all the hard work she’s done, all the fighting for POC sheadvocates, and for just being a strong person on stage and off andnot taking shit from no one… Now do I know Beyonce personally? Ofcourse not (I fucking wish though!). But right now, as I see her, Irespect her… Now if I met Beyonce and she turned out to be superrude, fake, or super negative… That’ll effect my respect for her. Ican still respect how hard she works and what she’s done. But as aperson, that aspect changes. As a person, I would start to see her asrude or ungrateful or even appalling.

A person’s actions and deeds can be worth of respect. But if a personis a complete and total appalling jackass of an existing amount offlesh, then that changes things. So maybe I get what Mark is sayingin that sense. That someone could have done all these important andadmirable and amazing things for society or I  general, but in personthey’re just the nastiest human being on the planet… Then yeah. Ican see where respect even when you hate them as a person can comefrom.

But to give respect to those that have no qualities or achievementsor abilities that benefit society or even another person and beingcompletely hideous as a person and does despicable actions likementioned above (rape, molestation, assaulting, etc), is notsomething I as an individual can be on board with. Because it justplain makes me wanna scrub my skin off to look at someone who doesterrible deeds and treats others and animals with such abhorringnature, and be told I have to respect them because you’re supposed torespect everyone… No.

I was raised to respect those that treat me with respect. I wastaught that to get respect you have to earn respect. If I want peopleto respect me, I have to respect who people are and who they were andcan become. The same goes for people towards me. That is how I wasraised. That is what I believe. I give everyone around me respectuntil you give me a reason not to. So if someone doesn’t give me areason not to, then we’re good. I will respect you and I hope you cantreat me with the same grain of existence.

This was my problem with Mark’s speech. It seemed so contradicting.The overall message – and yes I’m using his words – as a basic,is a good one. But it doesn’t eliminate that everyone reads intothings differently and acts towards things differently. And yes hementioned people would twist his words and maybe I am doing justthat. Do I feel like I am? No. But it’s a high possibility I’mtwisting what he’s saying and for that I am sorry but I will believewhat I believe.

Now. All that being said, I agree with Mark on many things as well. Ibelieve to dehumanize someone – at least to do so without a trulylegit reason – is disgusting and not what we should ever do tosomeone. I stand with the belief that Felix is not anti-Semitic andthat he’s not trying to spread hate. I believe we are more thanlabels and that labels just complicate things in the long run but Ialso know labels are around to try and make things easier to box usall in to categories and we as humans are not meant to be generalizedto one category. And I believe that every person as an individual inthis world, does have the ability to do something amazing or terriblethat can effect humanity. And I have hope that yes, one day, theworld can be a better place than it is right now.

But that day is not today. Someday, maybe. But it’s not right now.And we can’t ignore that right now things are the way they are for areason.

P,ease don’t take this as me hating on the man. I in no way hate him or even think he’s wrong. I just feel strongly about some things he said… It’s like he mentioned. You can disagree with someone without hating them. I don’t hate him. I just am not on the full boat he’s sailing.