#and I don't really have experience w that kinda thing cuz the only relationship I was ever in fucking sucked and I wanted it to end

[kittlyns]

One of my sweet younger clients made me cry today cuz she just broke up w her girlfriend and she started sobbing when she told me and I just couldn't handle it

[valleyfthdolls]

I am once again here to annoy you, an' paste yet another whole ass post into your inbox cuz I'm feelin' very normal tonight (i very much am not-)

Not as in depth as my last kinda lyric analysis thing, but I am completely normal about movie Mike and Vanessa, an' this song made me think of them and their relationship throughout the movie, cuz as the title says they have both shared trauma thanks to William's actions

This verse would obviously be Mike constantly reliving his trauma through his dreams each night, an' Vanessa warnin' him that it will only make things worse for him, with the missing kids messin' with him

They both have trauma thanks to William, Mike witnessing his brother's kidnappin' as a kid, and forcing Vanessa to cover up his crimes for him which definitely has to have messed her up, an' the scene at the end where he taunts her before she shoots him tells me that he also definitely isn't world's best dad material wit' her, as if it wasn't obvious already, but by the end of the movie they both face their trauma head on in a way by facin' off against William and getting rid of the source of it for both of them, Mike finally knowin' who took his brother after all these years, an' Vanessa no longer having to live in fear of him and cover up his crimes. While they're definitely not 100% fine an' ok now, they're definitely on the right path to recoverin' from their own trauma now.

I don't ship movie Mike an' Vanessa, but I do headcanon them bein' in a queerplatonic relationship since I was so expectin' the movie to awkwardly shoehorn in some kinda romance subplot between the two, but I was pleasantly surprised that their relationship remained so natural, just keepin' 'em as friends, which I think their dynamic works so much better as <3

HI I JUSR SAW RHIS POST AND WENT

I personally see Vanessa as being like a sister to the Schmidt kids (plus combined w my movie Cassidy Afton theory Cassidy could be brotherly to Garrett which is cute) but really any interpretation that lets them bond over their shared experiences and feelings is just so special to me. I was so worried they’d force a romantic relationship especially after Vanessa’s one off line asking him to dance with her while the animatronics were performing but thank god they actually went for making them understand and matter to each other instead of ensuring they were boyfriend and girlfriend by the climax or something bc the relationship we GOT for them was so good and I love the way it lets ppl interpret them romantically, platonically, queerplatonically, or familially. I definitely don’t buy at the moment that Mike Schmidt is Michael Afton and I really enjoy it that way honestly because all of that open air between them makes Mike and Vanessa’s relationship feel very real. They’re not bonding because they have some kind of inexplicable draw because they’re romantically inclined or secretly siblings, it’s because they’re both traumatized and suffering thru the same situation and they understand bc of shared trauma and want to help and stick around with each other

[redheadbigshoes]

Hi! I wanted to ask you for advice/your own experience with dating as a lesbian. I've been identifying as a lesbian for over a year and turned 18 4 months ago. I want to use dating apps, not even necessarily to have a relationship or go out on a date (but the option would be nice) but mostly to see how many lesbians are near me (I've never met an irl lesbian) and to see if I even have a chance or any options with someone I'm attracted to but I am so so nervous to download one. I always assumed it was because I'm not really looking for a relationship but now I'm thinking it's internalized lesbophobia. And i'm not sure how to feel about that. And I keep making the excuse to my friends that I don't have enough/good pictures of myself. Like I can't tell if it's because i'm not ready to date or if it's because I simply don't want to. Like I have a lot of fantasies about eventually being in a relationship (a lot of the times I think about fictional women but sometimes I also fantasize about my future/a future partner) but I only like the relationship aspect. Like I don't like thinking about the dating process/getting to know someone, I like jumping straight to the relationship part. And then I feel like my tastes are kind of particular (it's not extremely high standards or anything, like my standards are able to be met, so it's not just some fantasy) but sometimes i wonder if I'll ever find someone I like/am attracted to both romantically and sexually. So sometimes i wonder if i'm aroace (even tho i kinda know i'm not? it might just be internalized homophobia but i still think about that sometimes). Like I'm pretty certain i am capable of romantic/sexual attraction for another woman but i've just never met an irl woman who i've been super attracted to (I had a crush on my teacher but i knew i could never date her). Like my preference is lesbians but i've never even met one and the other sapphics i met weren't a lot and the ones I got close to treated me kinda shitty (I felt fetishized by both). So idk. Like idk what's wrong w me. Maybe it's cuz i'm young? But sometimes I wonder if I'm going to end up alone. (my mental health also isn't super great right now so maybe that has a factor??) Do you have any thoughts? Or anyone else? Sorry for such a long message.

Hey!

You have absolutely no idea how I relate to a lot of what you said. Back when I first started to use dating apps I would also have that weird feeling and try to find excuses to use those apps. I think (at least in my case) it was just nervousness of trying out new things.

I’m also someone who has a lot of fantasies about being in a relationship, and trying to get to know the person isn’t really satisfying. Whether you’re aro or not I think it’s never really good getting to know someone before you date them (compared to when you’re in a relationship). It’s tiring and it does involve a lot of effort from both parts. And I think it’s even more frustrating when you start noticing the person you’re getting to know better has some traits you don’t really like. It involves a lot of times leaving your comfort zone, and I don’t think anyone likes that.

There’s nothing wrong with having particular tastes, I do too and at least in my case that isn’t a sign of being aro/ace, I think the more you meet people (and possible partners) the more your taste gets “particular”, and that isn’t unhealthy or uncommon, I think it would be a sign of being aro or ace if that standards you have are so high to the point you would never be able to find someone who fits them.

There’s nothing wrong with you, trust me, I’d think that too, but in my case it’s a combination of just having higher standards than normal people (and I also think with time and experience your standards might get higher).

[coldercreation]

skdjaks im catching up on ur recent posts cuz ive been inactive on tumblr, and i came across the one where u and some ppl in the replies lament on loving the idea of relationships but never developing crushes rlly and finding it hard to date and whatnot, and damn i relate. i was gonna comment but i wanna stay anon for now, so i am in ur inbox instead huhu. but yh i deal w the same thing, ppl have had crushes on me before, but ive never once returned them? and like even if i find someone attractive as far as i know that doesn’t translate to wanting to bone… blech. i was talking to my friend abt this yesterday, and i was telling her that maybe ill try just going on dates and figure out how i tick?? general research has led me to id as demi after contemplating ace when i was like 13 so,,, who knows rlly. tldr i am similar and i get being confused abt it H

Ohh this is so interesting actually! Like, I genuinely wasn't expecting that so many of you would relate when I wrote that post??🤔 Obviously I knew that there's no way that I'm the only one on this whole planet, but still, seems a lot more common than what I had thought!

I'd like to think that it's very much okay to be confused by these kinds of things, no matter how frustrating it can also be. That's pretty much what I've been telling myself recently. Even if I'd like to find someone I really connect with and to have a relationship, there's no rush or need to force anything immediately just for the sake of it. Maybe it can even be fun to explore with time, and to figure out those things that will make us tick?

For me it's probably more about working on my social life in general than about anything else. Especially since the apps clearly don't do it for me and there's not really any other ways to meet new people. But I'm kinda feeling optimistic about it, mostly because I've been enjoying being social so much more lately!

Thank you for sharing love! This topic has been so interesting and I've enjoyed hearing everyone's experiences xx

///

Huge RAMBLE warning lmao:

I actually brought this topic up in therapy after we chatted about it here, kinda just theorised about it while trying to make sense of it all. My/our conclusion was that, for me, it could stem from ✨trauma✨ and needing a lot of time to truly open up/warm up to people (demi?/trust issues/hyper-independence). And since the societal norm is to often move a lot faster than that, I haven't even had the time to see the possible connection/spark/whatever in people, because they've already deducted, based on me having been very cautious and closed off, that I'm not interested, and so they moved on. Which in turn could've made me feel unwanted or uninteresting or unattractive or even abandoned, y'know? So I'd be left confused, feeling like there was something wrong and unattractive? about me, while also wondering why I'm never actually interested in anyone even though I've always longed for those deep connections with people.

Nowadays I've been feeling a lot lighter and... open? I guess, and I can genuinely see a change in the way people approach me? Or maybe they've always approached me the same way but I just wasn't able to be receptive to it🤔 Dunno! But there must've been some sort of micro-visible behavioural shift in me or something, because as soon as I have started to feel like I can and want to seek out people's company and I genuinely enjoy it, people are just... suddenly there? Whereas before there was this void?? Even when I tried to change that.

And despite me not having met anyone specific I'd be interested in dating, I have felt like I could actually do it now if the right person came along. (When I tried dating through apps years ago I felt like I was forcing it. It was very surface level and short lived, didn't feel... right?) And with that 'shift', or whatever it is that's changed in my behaviour??? I've literally been dodging date invites this past year like it's a sport???? Like tf?😭😂 This is mind boggling to someone who has for years thought that no one just gives a shit about me and there's something so unattractive about me that that's why no one shows any interest... But I think it really is a lot to do with some strange subtle messages that were given off? (and maybe also me leaving the house sometimes lmao....) I believe I wrote it in one of the more brainy stories as well, maybe CYE?, that if someone's whole body language, subconsciously or not, screams 'leave me the fuck alone', people are likely to leave them alone. And if we're not aware that that's the message we're giving off, it can very easily make us feel confused and like something's inherently wrong with us.

But then again, I don't think I would've been ready for anything like this a few years back, so perhaps the brains are smarter than we think and know that it takes time to heal. My therapist agreed that not having crushes could be due to so many things, but what I was saying did track to him. Slow to warm up/demi? + (social) anxiety + trauma are a hell of a combo when it comes to building new relationships. No matter why I'm not having crushes easily, he told me to take it easy on myself and to be understanding; after dealing with mental health crap and trauma for most of my life, it'd be very unreasonable to compare myself to the societal 'standards' or expect myself to do things in the same phase as other people are. Like, I had other shit to deal with growing up, so maybe I'm just now feeling like I'm ready to be myself, and it's okay to take things slow.

(And while writing that, speaking about people suddenly being there when before I felt like no matter what I tried, I was struggling to connect with people; I just got a thank you text from someone I helped at work when they were upset about something, and they said they'd love to see me (this one is in a friend way, not a date way) outside of work sometime as well :((((( is it weird if I cry lmaooo) xx

[maplecornia]

Heya Maple! It's been almost two days since I sent an ask, I'm so sorry for that. It's just that these exams are really stressing me out. I promise you'll see me more often once these exams are over :)

Bestie same here I can't wait to talk to you as moots OMG

Also I'm not always this confident, it's just that these exams are really important and I'm working very hard for them which caused me to be 100% sure of my answer, plus later that evening a news paper article revealed the answer key and fortunately all answers were correct lmao.

BESTIE EVEN THO I'M EXCITED FOR THE FIC PLEASE DON'T STRESS YOURSELF!! The loyal audience can and will wait for you so don't worry, ik the finished fic is gonna be worth the wait.

PLS NI-KI MOST PROBABLY IS TALLER THAN SOOBIN. I mean look at the difference b/w him and Hee now he's growing taller day by day.

I completely agree with you, it's really difficult to manage such relationships and it's scary. Sometimes you have to part ways unwillingly :( But the risk is a part of the relationship itself

Do you believe in astrology? I'm do believe in it but not to an extent that I'll think it can determine my life. The things I believe in are like personality traits on basis of zodiac or tarot readings. They have always been accurate for me and are kinda fun. Once I came across this tarot reading about future spouse and took it out of curiosity. I got wheel of fortune and the description was like "someone who's born rich or owns a family business which causes them to travel a lot". I laughed so hard when I read that but a few days later I shut about it cuz I took two more tarot readings (from different people) and the result was same. Yep that's what stopped me from joking around about astrology lmao

Anyways, have a good day Maple! I apologize in advance if you don't hear from me frequently, I'll still try my best to drop an ask time to time <3

Your secret santa, ☕

Omg hi and welcome back!

It's alright that you haven't been here in a while, I hope that exams are going well and your taking care of yourself! I know these days can be stressful with exams and everything so I completely understand.

ITLL BE SO FUN WHEN I CAN FINALLY ADD YOU TO MY MOOTS PAGE ISTG

But I'm glad that you're working very hard for your exams I'm sure that it must be tough. But that's some SUPREME studying if you got all those answers correct. LMFAO

ALSO THANK YOU FOR THE ENCOURAGEMENT 🤧 it's the first idol x male!oc fic I've ever started working on and it took a lot for me to start writing it. It means a lot to me so I hope I can release it soon and bless peoples eyes with the cute adorable FLUFF OVERLOAD.

Actually FUN FACT I at first wasn't sure about doing other pairings except female!oc/reader or ?!oc/reader because I'm not part of the LGBTQ+ community but when I realized that love is love I didn't know what I was holding back from before. I mean love is a universal construct anyone can understand it shouldn't matter the person you experience with.

So now I'm more confident in doing other pairings and sometimes those other pairings are some of my best work ngl.

ANYWAYS IM GLAD YOUR LOOKING FORWARD TO IT when I finally know your identity I'll add you to the taglist ;)

AND YEAH 😭 RIP SOOBIN and that's just scary considering how tall soobin is already 😰

I agree wholeheartedly with that, struggles happen in relationships it's just part of it. But I think if you live the other and are willing to commit yourself to the other enough then it's worth it in the end. But ofc, that's me and my hopeless romanticism 😀

I believe in astrology to a certain extent, and I do think that tarot cards are true to an extent as well. I think that there are multiple paths for our future tho and tarot cards only read the current path you're on based on the way you feel at that moment. However emotions and decisions change so I think tarot cards can be inaccurate if those type of things change. Nothing is set in stone in my opinion and we can change our fate based on our own choices.

However it is fun reading horoscopes and talking about our personalities and stuff LMAO.

I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY AS WELL! Good luck on your exams ;)

[dachi-chan25]

Haven't done this in a while but I had the time so why not?

1.- Pizza Girl by Kyoung Jean Frazier

🌟🌟🌟🌟

I really did like it, reminded me a lot of "Convinience store woman". Like clearly our protagonist needed thrapy ASAP to help her deal with her dad's death, her pregnancy, her attraction to women and hell just for existing as an Asian woman in the USA, but I liked how messy and obsesive she was and how the author allowed her to be fucked up and take bad decisions, I love to see female characters simply exist, it's also a pretty short read so I definitely recommend it.

2.-The Authentics by Abdi Nazemian

🌟🌟🌟🌟

Daría is a persian teen who is really involved in her cultural background and feels that the most important thing one can be is authentic, so that's the name she and her friends take for their clique. But everything comes crashing down on her when she discovers she is adopted, and soon follows an identity crisis. I loved it so much, it felt pretty realistic, like Daría could be self absorbed and unlikeable at times, but who wasn't as a teen? And we get such beautiful heartwarming moments between Daría and her family and friends. Totally recommend it.

3.- The Mall by Megan McCafferty

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Cassie has her life completely mapped out but nothing goes quite as planned, first she gets mononucleosis and after she gets better gets dumped and fired almost simultaneously. Determined not to let it get the best of her, Cassie gets a brand new job, reconnects with an old friend and even finds a hidden treasure. This one is so much fun, all the 90s references and the growth Cassie goes through is amazing, honeslty i would love to see this as a Netflix movie.

4.- Luster by Raven Leilani

🌟🌟🌟🌟

This book was hard, Edie is a very raw character, at first she seems flippant even when describing disturbing facts about her past or details about her relationship with a much older man she seems to be talking about something that happened to someone else all this to cope dealing with her solitude, her trauma, her self hate. And gosh it was so intresting to see her interact with Rebecca and Akila, especially Akila as Edie finds kinship in this young girl not only cuz they are both black but because they are both lost and afraid.

5.- Lakewood by Megan Giddings

🌟🌟🌟

Lena decides to participate on a financially compensated medical experiment so her mom can get proper medical care and to lessen their debts after her Grandmother's death.

So I had many mixed feelings about this, on one hand I liked that we are adressing how sistematical racism has permited experiments on black people with no consequences at all and how it has been happening for decades, but there were certain parts of the book that I couldn't enjoy as much because they were very trippy like I get we are on Lena's mind as things are becoming muddled up because of the medications and all those mind games and the words they have her memorize and repeat but all of it took me a bit away from the story. Still I do recommend it just be aware there is quite a bit of body horror in this so if you are sqeamish better skip it.

6.-The Voting Booth - Brandy Colbert

🌟🌟🌟🌟

Marva and Duke meet on election day as she helps him find the precint he is registered on.

This is very enjoyable, the story is very straightforward, and it insists on our right and responsability to vote even if we feel our vote alone can't possibly change all the injustice we see in the world. And also the romance was cute and developed slowly as Marva and Duke are just knowing each other. Really cute and quick read.

7.- Such a fun age - Kiley Reid

🌟🌟🌟🌟

Emira works as a babysitter for the Chamberleins' . She loves her little charge Briar, although she feels preassured to seek a 'real job' by her friends and by her own economic troubles. Emira soon finds herself in the middle of a tug of war between her boss Alix who tries to befriend her, and Kelley the guy she is dating.

So much drama. This is a great example of what performative activism looks like, first Alix is completely nuts, from her obsession to be seen as this wonderful understanding girl boss activist and the down right creepy sense of entitlement to Emira's friendship and intimacy. Like it doesn't surprise me she chose to victimize herself instead of recognizing it had all been a misunderstanding. And even then she still wants to seem atractive to the man she feels victimized by. Girl no.

Kelley is the ultimate fake woke ally. Dude Robbie was wrong period, he had no business inviting people over to someone else's house no matter the color of his skin. You don't get to talk over Emira on matters of what a person of color should do or feel on certain situations. That said it was so funny when he and Alix called each other out for their fetishization of people of color and yet none of them actually gave a damn about what Emira thought/felt/percieved. They just wanted her stamp of approval so they could pat themselves in the back for being such good allies.

8.- The Life and (Medieval) times of Kit Sweetly by Jamie Pacton

🌟🌟

Kit is working as a serving wench at the Castle, medieval themed restaurant run by her uncle, though she really wants to be a Knight, not only cuz the better pay would help around the house but because she really admires Joan of Arc, problem is the Castle management doesn't allow for anyone who is not a cis male to be a knight. Kit is set on changing that.

Ok so I feel a bit lukewarm toward this. Kit in my opinion doesn't get much growth, it seems she just can do whatever and her friends have to be ok w it, her romance w her friend feels pulled out of nowhere like Jett at one point tells her he is not intrested in dating her and then he is ???, those GoT references killed me, I get it I watched the show and sometimes even enjoyed it but it's not representative of anything medieval and Kit was always talking about how much she liked the actual history of the medieval times so...

Also as much as this book was about feminism and how we should fight for equal job oportunities, it feels as though Kit only cared about medieval woman who fought physically and not on the badass medieval woman, like idk it feels as a rejection of tradicional feminity like even the girl playing the Princess is a jerk. But I did like some parts, like her decision to confront her asshole dad to help her mom and the girls training together.

9.-Cien años de soledad de Gabriel Garcia Marquez

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

En Macondo, una población Colombiana a un lado del río, vemos como una de sus familias fundadoras crece, se expande y cambia a través de cien años.

Me encanto, hace mucho tiempo que no leía una novela de realismo mágico que me provocará tantos sentimientos. Creo que todos los personajes reflejan aspectos de la humanidad tan diversos y complejos que sería inútil tratar de enlistarlos todos.

Ultimadamente siento que lo que condenó a la familia Buendia a cumplir las profecías de Melquiades fue sus propia naturaleza que ellos nunca tuvieron intención de pelear, siempre sucumbian a las locuras o pasiones que los inundarán sin mesura alguna o consideración por las consecuencias. Y creo que aún así lo prefiero pues es lo que hace a cada personaje por confuso que a veces llegue a ser la repetición de nombres (que para mi es el simbolismo de una naturaleza y destino continuos) único e intrigante. En verdad espero que se den la oportunidad de leer este libro por lo menos una vez en sus vidas.

10.-The Monsters of music by Rebecca F. Kenney

🌟🌟🌟

This is a gender-swaped modern retelling of the Phantom of the Opera.

It was creative to make Mel, our Phantom, a true magical creature, and the singing contest was also cool. Like don't get me wrong I did have fun reading this but it also felt pretty unpolished like most characters were teens on the contest and that kinda made me roll my eyes a bit, like unless it's the Voice Kids age ranges are quite ample on this kind of shows, also kinda clumsy the addition of the magical elements with the modern setting, Kiyo didn't make much of an impression with me even when Christine is my fave on the original book. Still if you are a Phan like me you might wanna check this one out.

11.- Anna K by Jenny Lee

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

This is a modern americanized ya retelling of Anna Karenina.

Not gonna lie this made me cry so much at the end. I really liked Anna and Vronski together so much, and I don't like the love at first sight trope, but here it felt so inevitable. Anna was so self contained until she met him and could truly explore being herself and they really loved each other so much. Also I liked the treatment of the side characters Kimmie and Dustin were well developed and I really enjoyed this one can't wait to get to the second book.

12.- Wonderland by Zoje Stage

🌟🌟🌟

It was ok, but I was actually a bit disappointed cuz I had such high expectations for it. Like for about half the book I was really into the atmospheric vibe the book pulls you into, but as we get the reveal it started to go down hill for me, and the ending left me feeling meh. But maybe it was just not my cup of tea.

13.-Home Before Dark by Riley Sager

🌟🌟🌟🌟

This book is so well crafted!!! I love how it goes back and forth between past and present , first it feels as if history is repeating itself, then as both narratives unfold we start to question and discovering things and the twist at the end was chillin and masterful, I truly and wholeheartedly recommend it.

14.- The Girl with the louding voice by Abi Daré

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Adunni, a teenage girl, flees from her husband to work as a maid in Lagos, though everything she has ever wanted is to study.

This broke my heart, as it reflects how people coming from rural backgrounds get taken advantage of in the City, like similar things happen here in Mexico, but also it made me glad to see Adunni fight and keep her spirit so no one could ever silence her.

15.- The Year of the Witching by Alexis Henderson

🌟🌟🌟🌟

Immanuel does her very best to fit in Bethel, follow the scriptures and the Prophets words, but nothing seems to be enough to erase her mother's sin especially when the Darkwood seems to pull her in. As a plague starts to ravage Bethel, Immanuel has to face her past to save her people.

So frickin' good !!!! This story is great, mainly about the explotation of woman and young girls by people in power (in this case a church), the atmosphere is always tense, Ezra and Immanuel 's relationship is very well developed and one can really see how loyal they are to each other. A great option for horror fans.