#and I couldn't resist the opportunity to have Phillianne rant about LaCroix

[victorluvsalice]

Happy Birthday WeirdKev!

@weirdkev27 Here is your requested fic, the VTMB versions of Philliane Tropy and Zan Owlson being interviewed by a film crew a la What We Do In The Shadows! It's not EXACTLY like the TV show, I admit, but I think it has the right vibes, anyway. Hope you enjoy!

--

[cut to: PHILLIANE TROPY, a well-put-together Ventrue with pale blond hair, sporting a pink suit and a bright smile that looks entirely genuine – at least for the moment. She is seated behind a large desk of the exact type you imagine any CEO having, hands folded on the desktop]

TROPY: Oh yes, I know what a lot of the other Kindred say about me, and it’s simply not true. It’s not that I don’t respect any of them – it’s that I only respect the ones that I feel deserve to be respected! It’s not my fault that the ones who most insist on respect are the ones least deserving of it.

[she adjusts her position in her chair, leaning back slightly with a more thoughtful look]

TROPY: Take, for example, a Prince of my recent acquaintance, one Sebastian LaCroix. Fellow Ventrue, installed by the Camarilla in downtown Los Angeles after they swept in to help the Anarchs repel an invasion by the Wan Kuei.

CAMERAMAN: [sound of ruffling paper] Sorry, hang on – we thought they were fighting the Kuei-jin?

TROPY: I’ve heard both terms, and after making some inquiries, I’ve learned they prefer Wan Kuei. So that’s the term I’m going to use. [shrugs] Might as well not make relations any worse, right? Anyway, I understood that becoming Prince of Los Angeles – the heart of the Anarch Free States – is an inherently stressful position. You are under a lot of pressure to make a good impression and do your job well! All without pissing off the locals. But Prince LaCroix...

[she sighs heavily and rolls her eyes]

TROPY: Well. His handling of his new domain left something to be desired. Zan knows all about it, don’t you Zan?

[cut to: ZAN OWLSON, Trophy’s top ghoul and known lover, a dark-skinned woman with a curly Afro, large eyes, and an intelligent demeanor, sitting on a nearby couch. She nods in a very world-weary way]

OWLSON: She called me so many nights to bitch about him – I can say “bitch,” right?

CAMERAMAN: Yeah, if we need to, we’ll just bleep it in post.

TROPY: [laughs as the camera goes back to her] Oh, it was definitely bitching, I admit it! Poor Zan, I kept her up at night, and not for the fun reason...but really, the things he pulled were outrageous!

[she leans forward in her chair, the humor in her face gone]

TROPY: Like, listen to this – he had an illegal Embrace in his domain, and not only did he initially try to kill the fledgling along with her sire – never mind it wasn’t her fault she was turned without permission – he then turned the poor girl into his woman-of-all-work without giving her the slightest bit of education on what being a Kindred meant! He had her running around all over the damn city, doing things like blowing up Sabbat warehouses and investigating plague cults – things that no fledgling should be doing on their own! And he wasn’t even paying her a fair wage for her work! Every ghoul on my payroll earns more than she did, with benefits beside – and they’re almost all office workers! I had to step in and give the girl the money she’d rightfully earned! Let me tell you, LaCroix didn’t like that!

CAMERAMN: [sounding confused] Yeah, bet he didn’t, but – hang on, back to the thing about your ghouls. Don’t you usually pay ghouls in blood? That’s what all the other Kindred we’ve interviewed have said.

TROPY: And they wonder why I don’t respect them! [smacking a hand on the desktop] Blood doesn’t pay the bills! Blood doesn’t keep a roof over a ghoul’s head! The monthly drink from your domitor is a health benefit at most!

OWLSON: [off-camera] Philli has strong opinions about this.

TROPY: [sour-faced] It just agets under my skin that most Kindred consider making sure their ghoul stays a ghoul is sufficient payment for the work they do. No, making sure your ghoul stays a ghoul just ensures that they can keep doing the work. They deserve proper pay and benefits beyond the retention of their ghoul status.

CAMERAMAN: [with a soft chuckle] You almost sound like you want there to be some sort of “ghoul union.”

[TROPY stares directly into the camera for a moment – then her face splits into a wide smile]

TROPY: That – is a brilliant idea. Zan, do you think we could start one up?

OWLSON: [off-camera] I mean, I’m willing to try – but there’s going to be a lot of pushback from the other Kindred with ghouls around.

TROPY: [grins, showing off her fangs – and looking truly dangerous for the first time during her segment] Fantastic. I’ve been looking for an opportunity to throw my weight around.