#and 'making everything too dark and/or colourless' aren't the same

[quietparanoiac]

This is lovely.

The Pale Blue Eye (2022)

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 5: One’s desires (Part 4)

Warnings: blackmail, mind control

Author notes: Ogawa being a girl for once didn’t seem like such a bad idea... What do you think? XD

The weeks passed, rather quickly. It was meaningful to say human life was spent within a blink; time had never fled so fast to me, although the fourteen first years of my existence had been dull, filled with boredom, to the point a second would seem like an hour to me.

The day of Mori-san's birthday approached, and Dazai-san looked more and more concerned about my own presence at the party. The lower men would definitely have their evening off to spend with their families while the executives and their second in command would enjoy the luxurious festivities with corrupted businessmen and politics; I, a mere lieutenant, was not supposed to be there, even though I was Dazai-san's protege. I wonder if his other subordinate, the "dog", had been invited as well. I had heard rumours about his strength but had never gotten the opportunity to meet him in person. Would we get along...? However, those thoughts were just a small matter in comparison to the problem I had on my hands; I looked horrible.

Any woman would want to dress up for a party, even more for a fancy event. Picking up her outfit and choosing her makeup according to her hairstyle were points a member of the feminine gender could not neglect, for appearance also represented who she was inside. A woman could not dress up in any way... But I... I was a hideous person, so thin the bones of my back and my ribs actually showed when I looked at my bare body in the mirror. Despite the sleep I had been granted, my eyes were still circled and my hair was completely colourless, as if it was not even alive. I gritted my teeth in front of the mirror, then resigned myself to wear my usual suit, which managed to hide the horrible thing I had for a body. I had no curve and my chest, due to long time starvation, was flatter than the usual. There was no way the ugliness I saw in the mirror could be covered up by a pretty dress and nice makeup. I would just end up shaming Dazai-san... Oh... No one expected a lowly lieutenant like me to look good anyway, as long as I wore something correct. I would just be there because the Boss had ordered me to. Even so, was it wrong to wish I could dress up, even for an evening...?

"You seem down, lately, Ogawa-kun." My superior noted when I entered his office in the morning.

"I can't pretend the contrary..." I sighed "Moreover, it is such a ridiculous reason..."

"Do tell me. I am so bored, you could make me laugh~"

"If you insist..." I cracked a smile "Actually, I am troubled by my outfit for the Boss' party... I can't pick one..."

"Too many choices~? Men have it easy, any suit can dress us up." He chuckled.

"If only...! It's just that... Nothing could suit me..." I confessed "But that's just a trivial matter, nothing involving life or death..."

"I must say, I thought you didn't care about such things." He told me "And to be honest, it is not 'trivial', as you would put it. It is not vital, indeed, but it is not trivial. If it is important to you, you have the right to be troubled over your outfit."

"Do you really think so...?" I was shocked by his reaction, not expecting his support the least.

"Of course. And I'm even going to help you by giving you advice. What about you go and see ane-san? She will most certainly be able to find you something."

"D-Dazai-san..." I could not help feeling grateful "Thank you..."

"Don't worry~ You'll be perfectly fine. Besides, you're okay as you are, so don't torment yourself too much." He smiled.

I felt myself blushing slightly upon hearing his words. Although he was just being nice... It was good to be complimented from time to time.

The day of the party, the very feminine executive of the Port Mafia accepted to take care of my appearance, not without stating it was a shame I had not come to see her earlier. She was one of the few women in the organisation and, although I had sometimes watched her taking part of a torture session, our relationship had remained strictly professional. I was not even aware that she had kept an eye on me all this time...

"You should eat more." She stated, taking a look at me "Does Dazai-kun not give you enough money to feed yourself?"

"That's not it..." I shook my head "I just... Don't use the money for eating..."

"Is that so...? That being said, there are rumours about a morphine addict in that boy's squadron. Do you know anything about it?" She asked.

She was terrifying. There was not a single thing happening in the Mafia that she did not know of and, despite not uttering a single word about these matters, she watched it all in the shadows. Even so, she also had a reassuring and mother-like presence which made me feel safe. I could tell she would not harm me in any way. Her hands stroked the skin of my cheeks as she examined my face, thoughtfully.

"Your eyes have a beautiful colour." She noted "It is very unusual. Who do you take after?"

"I'm not sure..." I admitted "Perhaps... My mother...?"

"What do you mean you are not sure?" She sighed "Whatever... Modern clothes won't fit. I'll find a suitable kimono for you. Besides, the obi makes a rather practical place to hide your gun. It'll be perfect."

"I don't know how to thank you... Helping me out like this... Whereas you must have much more important matters to take care of..."

"What are you saying?" She giggled "I really enjoy dressing you up like a doll. Besides, who said we were done~? There is a dozen outfits waiting for you to try them on~"

"Is... Is that so...?" I grimaced.

"Of course~ And we'll find the perfect one, believe me~"

After an afternoon of being wrapped in silk by ane-san, she finally made up her mind and accepted to give me a night blue kimono covered in colourful flowers. The sleeves were long, characteristic of the furisode worn by young unmarried girls and the obi was not tied too much so I could easily put a gun under it to defend myself. The executive smiled at me gently as she combed my hair with her delicate hands, doing her best despite its short length. Finally, she clipped in various hairpins and jewels to make it look better.

"You look very pretty." She complimented me "It was worth asking for my help, finally."

"Of course...!" I agreed, barely able to hide my joy "I am very grateful..."

"By the way, Ogawa-chan... Do you know what the flowers on your kimono mean? I'm afraid it might bother you..." She hummed.

I considered her question and lowered my eyes to study the patterns on the sleeves. They were red, scarlet flowers, splattered like blood on the silk. She had not asked such a thing innocently… I chuckled and a slight smirk made its way to my face.

"Higanbana..." I recognised them "Red spider lilies. It doesn't bother me, I am used to carrying death around me. I only fear the Boss may find it ominous, if anything."

"I'm sure he won't mind. I just realised, but that colour suited you so well..." She laughed softly.

"Of course it does, ane-san. What am I, but a murderer? Even makeup and a fancy attire can't hide that fact. But I do not care."

"We are flowers of darkness that can only bloom in the shadows. Our beauty shall not radiate in the sun, after all..." She patted my shoulders "Just let me paint your lips with rouge, then you'll be ready, Ogawa-chan."

"Thank you, ane-san. For everything."

She grinned.

"Our heart shall never soften, lest we want to fall apart."

Kōyō ane-san accompanied me to the party, dressed in a gorgeous red kimono which enlightened her naturally pale complexion. Thanks to her presence, I was noticed by only few curious people and could easily make my way inside the crowd of mafiosi and corrupted officials chatting, drink in hand. I took a deep breath and put a hand onto the gun, carefully put inside the obi. If anything were to happen, I could defend both myself and Dazai-san. There was nothing I had to fear, despite the feeling of uneasiness overwhelming me.

"Ogawa...? Oh, it really is you...!" A familiar voice greeted me from behind.

Calmly, I turned around and wore my most polite smile, before realising it was Oda-san. I relaxed my posture.

"Good evening." I nodded at him "Dazai-san told me he had invited you. Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Not quite." He admitted, rubbing the back of his head "I'm not used to all of that..."

"The fanciness...?" I guessed "Neither am I... I must say, it is too much for the poor slum girl I am."

"Yet, you carry yourself so properly..." He remarked "Not that I am here to judge..."

"I originally come from a rich house." I recalled "I remember seeing my mother greeting some important guests. She wore a kimono too..."

"I see... You never talk about your parents."

"I never talk about the people I kill. I could speak about the plethora of cowards who deflected the Port Mafia as well, but they aren't interesting." I grinned.

"Oh..."

"My apologies, Oda-san... I know you do not kill... All that talk must have made you uncomfortable."

"I'm not... Uncomfortable. Only intrigued. Do you enjoy that work...?"

I frowned, taken aback.

"Do I enjoy it? Obviously I don't." I blinked "It's just work..."

"You don't seem particularly repulsed by it either."

"Is an office worker repulsed by paperwork?" I glanced at him.

"It happens... When there is too much."

"Then, the man is an idiot. Working is vital to earn money, and money is vital to live, although too much creates such greed human beings tend to become vicious." I sighed "Whatever..."

"I'm not sure to ever understand that way of thinking..." He shrugged it off.

"That's because you perhaps haven't lived in the shallows yourself. Surviving... This is my only way of living. I don't care about being immoral." I smiled.

"Yeah... I can see that. At least, you know that what you do is bad..."

"Who would think killing is good?"

"There is someone I know who doesn't quite make the difference between good and evil..."

"Oh, really? I wonder if we are not thinking about the same person..."

"What are you talking about~?"

We both became more cheerful upon seeing Dazai-san appearing in front of us with his carefree smile. I noted, amused, that he had not bothered getting changed at all, wearing his usual dark suit and his heavy coat I found so warm.

"Nothing important." I told him "Good evening, Dazai-san."

"Good evening, Odasaku, Ogawa-kun~ So you did go to ane-san. I'm glad she found something suitable." He said.

"Thank you." I felt my cheeks heat up the slightest.

"Do you want a glass of champagne?" He suggested as a waiter carrying a tray walked next to us.

I accepted and had a taste of the drink. I had heard it was expensive alcohol, produced in France. A single bottle of good champagne could cost hundreds of dollars and even more yen. I brought it to my lips. It was sweet, a tad bitter, but overall sweet. The bubbles made it a fresh drink, the perfect one for a fancy event like the one we were attending. I remembered when I was younger... The father used to import it to sell it in Japan to other rich businessmen. He would always keep one or two bottles for himself. He had done so for wine, too.

"So, are you enjoying yourselves~?" My superior asked us.

"I feel uneasy..." Oda-san admitted "I might go look for Ango."

"Oh, I'll reach you soon...!" He promised "What about you, Ogawa-kun?"

"I'm anxious." I declared without detour "Why was I invited...? I am a mere lieutenant, I don't have my place in there."

"You don't stand out." He chuckled "But, indeed, why were you invited...? I had a talk with the Boss, a moment ago, and he refused to tell me anything."

"I'm afraid we'll have to find out..."

"Good evening Dazai-kun, Ogawa-kun." A poised voice interrupted our talk.

We both turned around, and I bowed, automatically, feeling as though my back was being pushed down by some uncontrollable strength. The charisma emanating from this person, the imposing fear-inducing aura of his... It was far more powerful than Dazai-san's, and my whole being shook in fright before him. So, he was the Boss of the Port Mafia, Mori Ōgai-san... The merciless leader of this organisation...

"We've already seen each other." My superior was the first to raise and look at the Boss "Several minutes ago."

"Indeed. Ogawa-kun, you may raise. After all, you are my guest, tonight...~" He demanded.

I was paralysed. This was an order, I had to obey his order so I would not be punished, yet I... Was unable to even lift a finger. This man bore no good intention.

A glass fell down and cracked on the ground, waking me up from my dazed off state.

"Oh my, I'm so clumsy...~" Dazai-san chuckled as people came to pick up the shattered pieces of glass.

I immediately regained consciousness and smiled at Mori-san.

"It is an honour to have been invited, Boss." I said in a breath.

"Well, I wanted to introduce you to someone important, after all." He smiled back "Dazai-kun, how could you drop this precious crystal glass?"

"I hurt my hand with a knife earlier, and the pain loosened my grip."

He was lying, with a most casual smile. However, I could feel that those were no usual words. The Boss had easily deduced the executive had attempted to save me and was silently threatening him, with this fake, knowing and mischievous smile. I wanted to run away.

"Be more careful in the future." He advised, smug "Ogawa-kun?"

I hesitated upon taking his hand into mine, sensing that as soon as I would make contact with him, my fate would be sealed and I would not be able to go back on my words. Moreover... I was unsure whether it was permitted to touch the Boss of the Port Mafia. I sought approval from my executive.

"Yes, Boss..." I timidly obeyed, registering the nod from Dazai-san.

"So..." His voice lowered so I was the only one hearing him "You have no choice but to do as I say, now."

His fingers imperceptibly crushed mine, and I held back a gasp of pain.

"Whether you like it or not, you will use your ability for me. Otherwise, someone you care about will die. You know I cannot kill Dazai-kun, but I have my sources, and it seems someone miraculously survived the massacre of your family... Isn't it odd~?"

My heart skipped a bit, and I let the Boss drag me across the room, completely losing both composure and willpower. Ruriko-chan... How had he known? Then, again, he was the leader of this underground organisation, there was nothing he would not be aware of...

"If I reveal the truth to Dazai-kun, how will he react, do you think? He will be disappointed, he will toss you aside like a worthless pawn..." He smirked at me "We would not want that, would we~? Not after everything he did to keep you there~”

"N-No, Boss..."

I was in front of a child. He was small, had deep eyes lost in thoughts and held onto the ugliest plush toy I had ever seen. Mori-san let go of me to introduce us and slowly pushed the boy closer to me.

"This is Yumeko Kyūsaku-kun, call him Q. He is eleven and a member of the Port Mafia too, and has an ability involving breaking people."

Horrible. This man was horrible, and despicable. At eleven years old, how could he make this poor boy a member of an organisation...? It was insane. I felt as though I had stepped onto a mined ground.

"Hello, Q-kun..." I tried a friendly smile "My name is Ogawa Yōko, I am glad to meet you —"

As I was going to shake his small hand, I retracted immediately upon seeing the razor blade in the palm of his hand. What on Earth...?

"Oh, you noticed it, miss...!" He chuckled, much like a madman "Too bad, I can't show you madness~"

This boy was sick, too. He was mentally unstable, what was I even doing, talking to him? Around me, the silence had fallen, and hundreds of evil looks were turned toward us. People were expecting; what was the show Mori-san would create for them? What kind of twisted plot had the Boss planned to entertain his guests?

"What do you want from me...?" I glared at the Boss.

"That boy... Has troubles." He grinned "I do not quite understand what is in his mind, and I would simply like you to read his thoughts."

"Oh... Well..." I looked at Q-kun a moment "He's very glad to see the light, for once, and only wants to have fun... If I may, Boss, teaching a child to have fun with razor blades is not quite... Sane."

"We do agree about that, then. You see, Q has always been a peculiar child... He seeks joy in madness, his own and people's. But that's not our topic. Ogawa-kun, I'm afraid you misunderstood me." His eyes narrowed.

"Did I...?" My voice came out meekly.

"I have no interest in these useless and superficial thoughts. What I want to know is his inner desires. Because it is the true power of The Sweet Appeals, isn't it? Discovering one's deepest and secret desires...~"

My hands trembled uncontrollably in fear. What was he going to do to me?

"I... I don't quite control it..." I defended.

"I don't care about that. I need you to delve in Q's world, and you will."

Suddenly, someone pushed me against the boy. Quickly, I grabbed his shoulders to prevent us from falling on the floor, then knelt in front of him.

"Are you alright?" I inquired "Are you injured anywhere?"

Q-kun's innocent and dumbfounded face turned into a large smirk when he heard my question, and, with horror, I noticed his sleeves were reddening. I backed away, terrified. He had blades hidden on his arms as well, and I had unintentionally hurt him... Mori-san grabbed the ugly plush from the boy's arms, earning a displeased whine, and showed it to me.

"When that thing is torn up... That boy's ability turns on...~ So~? What will you be able to find in the world of madness, I wonder~? Oh and by the way... If you hurt any of my guests, I'll have you killed~ That being said..."

"Ogawa-kun...!"

The moment Dazai-san was about to reach us, guards restrained him and kept him farther. I was frightened. So much that I wanted to break into tears. What was going to happen to me...? I did not want to die...! My heart thumped in my chest and time seemed to slow down. All too brusquely, I saw the doll being torn in two.

Nothing happened, at first. Then, one by one, a mark appeared on the guests and they started attacking me. I remembered the Boss' words about hurting them, and did nothing. If I were to hurt them, even the slightest, he would take my life... The punch never came. Was that an illusion? It did not hurt. But still... Containing the part of me who wanted to counterattack was becoming harder as the seconds passed. What was I supposed to find in there, anyway...? There was nothing related to Q-kun, nothing I could hear about his thoughts, nothing at all... And how to get out of there? I started sobbing like a lost child. I wanted to go out. I wanted to be freed from that nightmare!

Something hurt. An attack. Somehow, it had touched me. I realised that, the more time I spent in the illusion, the less I had control on my own mind, and the more I would give in to madness. I groaned as the guests hit me, but did not try to defend myself. How to leave...?

"Stop it... Stop it... I beg you... Stop..." I cried "Someone... Someone...! Help...!"