#and 'it's okay because it means you're getting better at recognizing hunger cues'

[crocwork-clockodile]

Having lived at home with my parents for the past six months or so, I've been eating better than I typically do when I live alone (and have to pay for my own groceries). I noticed the other day when I impulsively decided to weigh myself that I'd gained about 15 pounds since moving home, and really my initial response was a vaguely off-put 'Oh. So that's why those pants don't fit anymore.'

But I told my friends about it anyway. I was almost excited to tell them about it. Because it felt like finally, finally I had a Real Girl Problem. I could talk to my friends (like me, all cis women, afaik) about this Real Relatable Girl Problem that We've All Had. I could finally commisserate. I was experiencing Womanhood Properly for once, even though it was one of the more negative aspects of it. The fifteen extra pounds don't actually bother me that much; I'm still "skinny" by most metrics, as I always have been, and most of my clothes do still fit me-- but I've often felt somehow left out or like I just haven't been doing something right when it comes to being a girl properly.

I guess always being skinny and not relating to my peers about weight insecurity or being harassed by men are problems I should want to have. But honestly it just reinforces this feeling of being a child or some kind of inhuman sapient creature, playing at being an adult woman.

I think this is more of a neurodivergent masking thing than a maybe-not-actually-cis thing, and I guess my point is that womanhood is hard to perform for everyone, even those of us who like it here. I just want to relate to my friends and family members who all seem to have this figured out and are much more secure in their outward-facing performance of adult human womanhood than I am.

Anyway, I should be off to bed, maybe I can articulate this better in the morning