#and ''look at what we've achieved so far and imagine what we might do tomorrow''. kai gets

[albatris]

alright so

I have removed the spoilers from this ramble and adjusted accordingly so it’s not quite as good of a ramble as I’d hoped but it’s still somethin I wanna talk about

this turned into a fuckin doozy of a long post though and I might end up deleting it later because although I took out the spoilers it’s still just, like, full of SO many spoilers and I should really Stop Posting Rambles Like This Lmao

bc you know WHAT though

I have made a lot of posts that reference the whole........ “unfeeling cosmic machinery” thing, and the idea that the whole universe is completely indifferent, but that’s not necessarily........ proven, yeah

like, it would be inaccurate to imply that in the ATDAO canon it is Confirmed that the universe is completely indifferent and cold. I, in fact, for reasons I’ll go into, prefer the idea that it’s quite the opposite. but like. the point IS that the universe is big and incomprehensible and in the throes of apocalyptic doom, there is a LOT going on and humans have no hope of knowing For Sure one way or the other what the universe’s deal is

I will say that the idea that it’s all just a big churning mess of gears that doesn’t think twice about human existence, that there’s no meaning behind any of it and The Universe Does Not Care About You, that’s not an INACCURATE take on the ATDAO world, from the perspective of the tiny human lives inside it - it absolutely is a universe that’s callous and cruel and indifferent, perhaps quite senseless, and yeah, those big ol’ cosmic gears WILL keep grinding on and on and probably won’t notice all the people that are gettin caught up in them

I’ve talked a lot about this with Tris in particular, ‘cause he absolutely has some brushes with forces that are just..... completely horrific and senseless, for instance, the entire unreality, and one particular creature inside it. and like YEAH, I tend to emphasise this in terms of the unreality not being evil, not intending to cause harm, but simply being “indifferent and inevitable”, and that’s definitely Tris’s interpretation of it, and it checks out

n I know I’ve framed a lot of the plot points that kick the story off as just... freak accidents, fucked up twists of fate, or simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time, etc etc etc. and they are. they are!

but to make the blanket claim that the universe is completely indifferent? that it’s just machinery? hm. that’s awfully bold of me. and it’s not even true in the story itself, like, the fault is in how I’ve talked about these themes ‘cause it’s not. it’s not a concrete fact, that’s not what the book is Saying

the book is just people scrambling to deal with existential terror and make sense of a reality that makes less and less sense every day, whatever conclusions they come to

and also - it would be rather disingenuous of me! like, that’s not how I see the world at all, that’s not how I experience it, and for me to ignore that in a book that also functions as my way of processing and exploring my own existential terror, it’d be a weird move

The Universe Is Indifferent is certainly one interpretation, and an interpretation that’s probably shared by three out of four main characters at some level or another

but I wanna talk about Shara specifically

‘cause she has this Theory

or not so much a theory as, like.......... a belief system she’s piecing together, a way of navigating the world and understanding it, she’s been messing round with some ideas and seeing how she likes them

n like. the way she navigates her life, the way she makes sense of the world, her insistence that the universe has a voice, that it speaks through coincidence and synchronicity and patterns, that there’s hidden significance and meaning in every corner and crease of reality

that’s absolutely part of it, that’s a part that I’ve really leaned into and kinda drawn from my own schizotypal experiences

but the theory she lands on is that this is simply The Kindest Way For A Universe To Die. or it’s supposed to be

you already know this fact (do you already know this fact?) which is that Ports are cracks in the fabric of reality, cracks between realities, and ur universe accumulates these naturally, but obviously the more cracks in the fabric u get, the more ur universe struggles to hold itself together, blah blah, this is just how a universe naturally dies, and it takes FOREVER. it takes ages. the ATDAO universe has now hit this point and is Noticeably Unravelling

but like, re: Kindest Way To Die?

like, when you look at the circumstances that need to be met in order for a Port to form, which are [SPOILER, and also which unfortunately give context and an explanation for a lot of what I’m about to say], and the fact that a reality dies by gradually coming apart and becoming amalgamated into other realities - as in, your reality becomes so unravelled and spread thin that it ceases to exist as its own and its energy just feeds into other realities and becomes part of them

The Way This Reality Is Ending, and the SPECIFIC SPOILERY SITUATION in which Ports spring into existence, all of this, at its core, is the universe’s attempt at comfort, this is the universe’s attempt at easing the process and being gentle, this is the universe’s way of saying “it’s okay, you’re not alone” in the leadup to your reality just sort of....... flickering out of existence

it’s an attempt at kindess, it’s an expression of love. Even At The End Of Everything You’ve Ever Known You Are Not Alone

and it’s comforting, but it’s also like. Shara is HEARTBROKEN about it because it’s just........ it’s nice to think about the intent, but the execution is so callous

and this is also an incredibly fun concept to me, the idea of - this universe, shit, the entire MULTIVERSE of this story, is full of such an intense love and it wants to be kind, but it’s just so BIG. it’s on a whole other scale compared to these tiny human lives, or the lives of any other creatures in any other reality, it’s this huge, cosmic, all-powerful force, it’s Everything, its attempts at kindness are just......... clumsy

clumsy isn’t even the right word

just. the forces of the universe are so big, they’re on such a different scale, they have no way of relating to a human brain or comprehending human feelings, human lives go by in the blink of an eye compared to entire worlds. or they can’t see the details in these worlds because the individual pieces are just so small and they’re looking at such a big picture..... or they see the pieces but they’ve just got - got such big ginormous metaphorical fingers that any attempt at being gentle is likely to have clumsy and destructive and unintentional consequences

and like, are Ports an attempt to be kind? were Ports set into motion as a universe’s in-built pre-programmed death, under the assumption they would be a comfort? ARE they a comfort? maybe! but they’re also just? horrifying and incomprehensible most of the time. do the machinations of the universe even notice? can they comprehend that?

I don’t fucking know! but something about the idea of forces so massive and powerful and incomprehensible to tiny human people with tiny human lives, any attempt at kindness and love is going to be clumsy and terrifying, and it’s operating on such a broad scale that it has so many unintended consequences

the idea that the universe is not indifferent, that the universe is full of love, made of love, that the universe is BUILT on connection - not just in the way lives interact with each other, but the way realities overlap and flow into each other, the way [REDACTED, SPOILERS, AGAIN] - but it’s so vast and complicated that any attempt to express that love in a way the inhabitants of the universe can understand fails

but then! like! the tone around Ports DOES shift through the novel, because - yeah, they DO come into existence because [SPOILERS], and the protagonists use them as tools to bridge between realities, to help each other, to save each other, to tell each other they’re not alone, WHICH IS ARGUABLY THE WHOLE POINT

n idk!!!! idk man

like, I’m not saying Ports are good, but Ports aren’t EVIL, they’re not bad, they’re just........ there. whether they’re meaningless or not. whether the fact that they appear when [REDACTED] is an intentional attempt at comfort or just a convenient way to spread

good fucking night everybody I am going to bed

[heresathreebee]

Garrote part 1

[Starz Power] Diego Jimenez Imagine x Jazmine Mann (Black!OC)

Word Count: 876 words (nice and short, kind of like a prologue)

Warning(s): Rated teen (for now), language, vague mentions of murder and human trafficking. Masterlist Next

AN: Alright I skipped about four seasons of a show for this and it was worth it, I hope y’all enjoy. Edit: my fool self forgot the tags 😂

@nicke0115 @1zashreena1 @mental-bycatch

I apologize if I missed anyone. If you are not currently on the list, let me know if you would like to be and I will HAPPILY add you name.

Diego bent over the car seat to get the baby to look at him. He asked in his native language, “do you know what they named her?” 

“Something stupid,” Alicia replied not looking up from her phone. “Pick something if you want to.” 

Their driver, Ernesto, kept the limousine steady and the service window cracked just in case he was needed. Alicia hadn't gotten all of Mrs. Cruz's blood off of the baby's forehead, so Diego caught himself licking his thumb to rub the rest gently off her. He turned his head sideways and the baby offered him a toothless smile. “Nova.” 

“No.” 

Diego put a finger out and tried to keep the girl from putting it in her mouth. “Celeste?” 

“That was her mother’s name, absolutely not.” 

Their driver pulled around a corner into the club they were meeting this Tommy guy at. Diego leaned back with a smile, never taking his eyes off of the baby as he said with finality: 

“Porsche.” He pronounced it the American way causing Alicia to roll her eyes. 

“You can’t name a baby after a car,” she argued, closing her own door. While Ernesto was gathering up the baby, Diego adjusted his jacket to fit more comfortably. “Focus on the meeting, Diego.” 

“What about like Portia, jefe? That's a girl's name.” 

“That's brilliant,” Diego said, pointing his finger and turning triumphantly to his sister. “Porsch-uh– it’s decided.” 

~

By the time they got Diego back to his penthouse, Porsche was asleep and Diego’s eyes were beginning to droop. Alicia ordered Ernesto to find a caretaker and someone to take care of the girl while they did business. 

“Are you going to keep it, señora?” 

“We’ll see,” she said, then dismissed him. “Diego, I’m going back to my place. Make sure you get some sleep and shower before lunch tomorrow.” 

Diego didn’t even blink in acknowledgement despite still being awake. He slumped over the couch and listened as the door closed behind her, finally leaving him alone for the night. His hands drifted naturally to the collar of his shirt. He stripped to nothing as he made his way to the bedroom. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow. 

~

His phone rang for the fifth time and was promptly tossed across the room to imbed itself into the wall. Diego’s hands fisted into the sheets until he dragged his pillow up over his face to block out the world. It was no use as someone knocked at his door frantically. 

“Jefe? Jefe, I’m sorry but your sister’s here and she’s pissed!” 

The sheets slid to the floor as he searched blindly for his underwear. If Alicia was here there was no stopping her from bursting into the room and seeing him naked. He managed to shrug into his pants when she finally made it to the top of the stairs. 

“What the hell do you want,” he snapped, “what time is it?” 

“She’s gone.” 

Diego froze and tried to blink the fog from his brain. “Who?” 

“The baby,” she said with venom. “Porsche is gone, and these fucking idiots can’t tell me what the fuck happened!” 

~

All morning they searched. There were men on every street, thugs paying hush money to check security footage around their last known location. They found nothing but a dead body and an abandoned blanket on a fence nearby. 

Alicia paced unable to contain herself. Diego was looking over the black silhouette of the city scape against a sunset burned sky. And someone had requested an audience an hour ago. 

"Who the fuck is this asshole?," Diego asked. 

Alicia checked her phone again. "It just says ‘Healy.’ We've got nothing on him." 

The man as it turns out was a federal agent– and an audacious one at that. He introduced himself as Agent March Healy and stated that he knew what had become of baby Porsche. 

"You won't like the details," he said, "but let's say we might be able to help each other. I want her back in good hands just as much as you do." 

Alicia's eyes met Diego's with exasperation. "We'll hear you out." 

"And if we don't like what we hear," Diego threatened easily, "we'll blow your brains out." 

Healy didn't even flinch. "I need to get my hands on some crucial pieces of evidence in order to properly close this case for good. I've got something in the works, something that requires major fire power as backup and is not under the jurisdiction of the federal government. You two are exactly the type of under the table protection I need." 

"What exactly is in it for us?" 

"If you can help me achieve some minor manipulation led by myself and my confidant," he said, "you can get a chance to take the baby back. Everybody wins when this guy and his crime ring go down. We'll be saving a lot of lives. You are familiar with the sex slave trade? Nasty, nasty, business." 

Alicia's legs gave out from under her and she fell against the couch cushions. The implied connection between babynappers and human traffickers was far from lost on her. Diego pressed his lips into a thin line and sighed. 

"What exactly do you have in mind?"