#anani lavellan's journal

[inquisitorananilavellan]

Journal Entry #1: The Beginning

It seems I lost my old journal in the fade, so Cassandra gave me this new one. I would say that was kind of her, but I think she only did it because my constant pouting irritated her.

"You lost your journal in the fade??" You may ask, person who isn't supposed to be reading this? Well well, that's quite the story. Where to start...

I woke up in a dungeon. That's new, never happened before. Kind of exciting.

I was interrogated for something I had no knowledge of...

Well, maybe that isn't completely true. I have these... blurry memories. I awoke in the fade, with what appeared to be giant spiders chasing me. Lovely, right?

I, of course, ran as fast as I could away from those monstrosities and towards this... light. The closer I got, the more I could make out what it was. A woman.

I reached out to her, but... that's all I can remember. I woke up bound in a cold dungeon after that. I was made aware that the conclave had been destroyed, and everyone in it- everyone but me- was dead. The sky had been torn open as a result, a thing they called the Breach. I was to be blamed, seeing as I was the only visible suspect. Oh, and did I mention I also now posses a glowing green mark on my hand that reacts to the Breach, as well as closes smaller rifts? No? Well, yes, that's a thing.

This is also where I met Cassandra, the human woman I mentioned earlier. The one who gave me this journal. She's a Seeker, a title which I had never heard of prior to her. I should make a note to ask her more about the Seeker order later...

Anyway, she did the interrogating, along with a redhead named Leliana. The Inquisition's Spymaster. She was much more level headed than Cassandra.

That mark I mentioned earlier, I was told that it was killing me. Which honestly wasn't surprising because it felt like it was killing me. I don't think have ever been in that much pain before... Whenever the Breach expanded, I could feel it. From my palm to my jaw bone, this... burning. Like my whole arm was melting, on fire... I've started to refer to it as a "flare".

I was told that my only chance may be attempting to close the Breach. I would've agreed anyway, I wasn't so eager to die, but when I looked around at all the chaos... everything on fire, demons everywhere, the sky literally falling down... I felt like I had to do something. I was in over my head, I knew that, but I also knew I had to stay and help. That's why I haven't run yet, even after being freed.

But we'll get to that later. First, let's continue before I get ahead of myself...

We left Haven, the place where I was being held. Our first stop being the forward camp, then the Breach.

I have never felt such fear before. The way to camp was littered with demons. Sure, I had seen such creatures before, even fought one or two, but the sheer number of them... I felt as if I was facing down an army, and I had barely even left the relative safety of Haven.

We managed to survive, thankfully. I kept my composure, and Cassandra turned out to be an incredibly skilled warrior. We got more help along the way, as our paths crossed with two others. Solas, a fellow elven apostate, and Varric, a dwarf with a crossbow named Bianca. Solas, as it turns out, was the one who kept The Mark from killing me. I'm not exactly sure how, but he did.

... It just occurred to me that I never thanked him. I was very overwhelmed at the time, but still... He deserves thanks. Another thing to remember for later.

I won't bore you with the rest of the details, so in short, we killed some more demons, The Mark had another flare, I met an ass named Chancellor Roderick, an important choice was left to my hands for some damn reason, and we saved some scouts. Normal day, really.

Well, almost normal. When we got closer to the temple... One thing that'll forever haunt my dreams are the bodies of those caught in the explosion. Faces melted, forever frozen in horror... The pain and fear they must've been in... I don't really want to write anymore on it, I think you get the picture. It was horrible.

When we finally made it to the Breach, something... strange happened. We heard disembodied voices, both unfamiliar and familiar. We found strange red lyrium, too. Something Varric seemed to recognize. And yet again, another thing to ask about later.

We got closer to the first rift that had spawned, right in the middle of the Temple of Sacred Ashes... Which, ironically, was now actual ashes.

As we did, a vision hit us all. Or, more like a memory. My memory... The Divine's? That... Thing's? I couldn't say. But we saw it, blurry as it was. It started with me, blindly barging into trouble as usual. Something, a great shadow with red eyes, and the Divine, restrained by red... energy, I suppose. She yelled to me, told me to run and get help, and the shadow ordered someone out of sight to kill me... and that was it.

It was the strangest feeling, watching something I should remember through what felt like somebody else's eyes. And I still couldn't actually remember a damn thing.

It was clear now I was there for whatever happened, but I didn't appear to be the guilty party anymore. That didn't stop Cassandra from going back into interrogation mode, but I could hardly blame her. I want answers, too.

Solas said something, but my mind was swirling too much to really pay attention. Something about... echos? "Echos of what happened here.", is how I believe he put it.

He then mentioned the rift had been closed, but not sealed. I could open it, then seal it, but in doing so it would attract demons. And that it did.

A pride demon, to be specific. I had never seen one until that moment. It was... terrifying, to say the least. The whole day was terrifying, honestly.

But we made it. We beat the demon, sealed the rift, and I, like a total badass, was knocked unconscious. At least I lived, I suppose.

When I awoke, I was back in Haven, a frightened servant there to greet me. I still can't tell if she was scared of me, or just scared in general... She fell to her knees, and begged my forgiveness for a fault she hadn't even committed. Or at least one I wasn't aware of. Honestly, I've never felt more confused in my life. I had barely been awake for a minute, and this is what I had to deal with.

She then called me, "my lord" which made everything worse. Nobody should be calling me that, much less bowing to me. It was... wrong. It made me feel wrong.

She then told me that I had been brought back to Haven, and that the Breach and my mark had stopped growing. I was safe, for the moment. And so was everyone else, though they thought I had saved them.

I had a part, true, but I wasn't their savior... Just a helper. I really couldn't have done it alone.

Regardless, Cassandra needed to see me in the Chantry as soon as I woke, so when the girl ran off that's where I headed.

The walk there was the most uncomfortable and surreal thing I have ever been through. People stood, waiting for me. Kneeling for me. Saluting me. Me. A Dalish mage. I still can't quite get my head around that.

Long, boring details cut short, Chancellor Roderick thought I was still guilty, Cassandra and pretty much everyone else in Haven had changed their minds. Cassandra even went as far as calling me the Makers "chosen one" for the mark on my hand. I was quick to point out how ridiculous that thought was. A human God choosing an elf as his chosen? An elf who didn't even believe in him? How could that ever be? And why would anyone ever believe that?

The Chancellor objected, but Cassandra silenced him by pulling out a writ from the Divine. If I hadn't respected her before this moment, I do now. The way she practically backed the Chancellor into a corner was quite a site. I was kinda in awe of her, not going to lie.

In that moment, she declared the Inquisition reborn. The Inquisition... "People who banded together to restore order in a world gone mad."

I will admit, when Cassandra and Leliana asked me to join I was tempted to leave. Not that I didn't want to help, but I just couldn't help but think of my clan, of Athine... I wanted to be there for them as the world crumbled, to protect them. I still do. But what kind of person would I be if I didn't stay? I'm needed here, this mark is needed. And... people believe in me, as strange as that sounds. What kind of person would I be if I turned my back on them?

And... I believe in the Inquisition, I truly do. It's rare to find people who genuinely want to help, to do good. Most people are power hungry, or just cruel. Or both. But the Inquisition... they don't seem to be like that. Not yet, anyway.

So, we got to work. Ravens sent, new armor made, even a ceremony with a giant crowd as we raised the Inquisition banners. Standing there, with all their eyes upon me... it probably should've been inspiring, and I guess in a way it was, but I'm just glad I didn't puke or faint or something like that. I've never done well with attention nor crowds.

But anyway... it's official. I'm now directly in the middle of this mess.

Creators preserve me.