#an explicitly queer character who a) isn't sexy/sexualized AND b) has negative emotions & acted on them

[randomidiocyncrazies]

Regarding Enta, there's some information in the sarazanmai novel that didn't make it to the anime, and i’m kind of wondering why it was cut because it’s quite informative imo

When he was ten years old, Enta stood out a bit at school.

He had lived overseas for quite a while when he was young because of his parents’ work circumstances. His energetic sister had no issue making friends with anyone, even if she didn’t speak the language. But Enta on the other hand was painfully shy, and upset his parents by crying to go home to Japan. [...] But all that awaited him as a returnee from overseas was a cold welcome. Perhaps Enta was just making assumptions and his classmates were merely curious, but the thought alone was enough to pierce the introverted Enta’s heart. [...] I want to play too!––Unable to actually voice that simple phrase, all Enta could do was hug his knees to his chest and watch. He had always been alone when he was overseas too, so he’d never had anyone to play soccer with in the first place.

But the person who reached out a hand to him was Kazuki. And when he told him that he loved soccer but he’d never played before, Kazuki simply replied with a smile that he was just a beginner himself.

“I just know the two of us will become a Golden Duo!” 

Enta, despite being ridiculously impulsive and coming off as outgoing in his interactions, is at heart a timid person who internalized the idea that he'd be rejected for any traits that marked him as an outsider (hello Quintessential Queer Adolescent Experience™). furthermore, he places his self-worth on being Kazuki's soccer buddy, which has the effect of him 1) putting Kazuki on a pedestal as "the one who saved him" and 2) obsessing over the relationship because, to him, it's the only thing that validates his worth as a person. Notice that, in all his fantasies of reforming the Golden Duo, he’s always the one who assists Kazuki to score, but never scores himself. He doesn’t believe he can. After all, until he met Kazuki, nobody wanted to be his friend because he's too different (or so he believes).

(also, regarding his role as Kazuki’s ace assist in his fantasies, i wonder if it’s a commentary on the “helpful queer” archetype? that you’re a “good queer” if you help the protag achieve happiness even at the cost of your own (*cough*tomoyoCCS*cough*), and a “bad queer” if you act on selfish desires or otherwise get in the way? 

i mean judging from western fandom reactions of enta it sure seems there’s something to it)

Seeing his sister being able to pursue the object of her affections so earnestly, without drawing any unwanted attention was just too much for him. Sure, she had failed plenty of times, but even the wounds of failed loves just became fuel in her pursuit of her next one. 

I could never do that.

hey look, more Quintessential Queer Adolescent Experience™! the feeling of irreconcilable differences between you and the other people around you, that it’s impossible for you to experience the world as they do because you’re Just Too Different... 

He felt like he’d start crying if he kept going. That’s why Enta decided to get Kazuki to kill the feelings for him. He held out the silver plate with the good luck band he’d retrieved from Otone on top of it. “I”m in love with you, Kazuki! Please become the Golden Duo with me for the rest of our lives!” Even with his head bowed, he could hear Kazuki gulp. Ahh, this is it. Just reject me and make it a clean cut, please…!

Even in his fantasies, Enta operates on the assumption that he is doomed to fail. While ultimately he’s accepted in the fantasy, it’s telling that it starts with his expectation of rejection from Kazuki. It's unfortunate that just as he’s resolved to move on from his unhealthy crush on Kazuki (it’s actively causing him frustration, not to mention reinforcing his self-esteem issues and impeding his growth—as long as he believes his worth comes from his connection with Kazuki, he’s trapped in a self-perpetuating cycle of isolation), Haruka unwittingly reignites his hope and spurs him on. That's the thing about wants: even if you know it's hopeless, even if you know it's better for you if you move on, it's hard to resist.

Unable to express his desires that would mark him as an outsider again, but also unable to entirely give them up, Enta puts on a sweet supportive public face (the “helpful good queer”) and hides his resentment until the breaking point. yes, Enta is selfish and Enta is a coward, but a lot of things seem like the end of the world when you’re a queer closeted teenager. nobody is denying he did many things wrong, but it’s cold to see people saying he deserved to get fatally shot when he’s already getting character development and trying to repent for his shitty behavior to Toi in the same episode. also really tired of characters with marginalized identities being held to ideologically pure standards (that, or be sexy and thus consumable).

are his actions selfish? YES. the show clearly shows him in the wrong, and that he should atone for his actions. is he, as some vocal detractors claim, worse than the adult who kidnapped a child and shot a teen with the intent to kill? worse than the teen who helped his brother torture a guy in order to feel close to him? worse than the teen who stole a beloved housecat from its home so that it could be a neighborhood stray for his little brother to dote on, while being emotionally distant to said little brother the whole time? lmao what

I really hope Enta isn’t permadead especially with 3 more episodes in the series, and that he has the chance to learn how to cope with these emotions in a healthy way, but it’s Ikuhara so who knows lmao