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alexroertgen-blog · 6 years ago

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My First Dance with Ayahuasca- “Vine of the soul”- Trials & Tribulations

“Make the heart a chalice that holds the mind.” – Maestro Hamilton Souther

Hi, my name is Alex. I am a bit of a perfectionist, and have always held myself to the highest standard, but in reality my tough athletic exterior is a façade masking all of my insecurities, imperfections, deficiencies and deep flaws. I struggled with confidence and social anxiety all throughout my life up until my mid 20’s. I’ve always been a people pleaser, worrying about what other people thought about me, and doing my best to be the person everyone else wanted me to be. On the outside everything might look great, but on the inside I’ve been battling my own demons for years. This is why I chose to spend a week in the Amazon Rainforest of Peru working with Ayahuasca, and it ended up being probably one of the most enlightening, jaw-dropping, intense, and loving experiences that I’ve ever had. I learned so many valuable lessons that I’ve decided that I want to share my adventure with everyone. If you are curious about how profound my experience was and the lessons learned than continue reading. It is a little bit of a read, but I hope you enjoy!

Recently, I had the honor to participate in a life-changing, ancient shamanic healing tradition that has existed, been practiced and passed down through tribal lineages and blood lines by the indigenous people of the Amazon Rainforest and other ancient wisdom traditions across the planet for thousands of years. Words can’t describe the week I had and the incredible people from all around the world that I was privileged to share the experience with. Led by 7th Generation Master Shaman, and one of the most powerful healers in Peru, Maestro Don Alberto Torres Davila, and Hamilton Souther, also Master Shaman and founder of Blue Morpho Tours, it was an incredible environment for deep cleansing, inner awakening, and a deep, transformative journey with the sacred Amazonian plant medicine ayahuasca. In order for change to happen, you need to facilitate an environment where insight can occur. Insight into how did we get here? You have to be able to look deep into your heart. The Blue Morpho Medicine World was that perfect sanctuary. They hold a sacred and safe place for you to go deep and discover and heal yourself. By looking inside, we begin to awaken.

In what follows, I am going to do my best to put an ineffable experience, and the lessons learned into words. So why am I deciding to share all of this? Because Ayahuasca was probably one of the greatest things I’ve ever done. Would I go back and do it again? ABSOLUTELY!!! I’ll probably be back sometime next year. I still hear “the calling.” There is still so much truth to be discovered. Still so much to learn, and so much more work to be done. It was a truly magical experience, and Peru will always hold a special place in my heart. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about my experience and plotting my return. It has shown me aspects of my higher self, and how to relate to others and the world with compassion, love and forgiveness. I don’t know a single person who can’t benefit from this medicine. Thirty years of therapy in one night. These plant medicines provide a lens which you can view the world and other phenomena in a way that you’ve perhaps never looked at it before. It allows you to gain insights into how something works that normally wouldn’t come into the sphere of your attention. Who doesn’t stand to benefit from that?

We are born into these structures and we never think to question who put those structures in place. Who funded them? Whose philosophies are they? All of our information is given to us by someone or something else. We are programmed, trained and conditioned to look outside of ourselves, to external authorities, for everything and we are not even encouraged to go within and consult ourselves. Our society is phobic of the mind and terrified of the unconscious. These medicines teach you to go within yourself. They expand your consciousness. I believe that the medicine of the future is a growth in consciousness. Your higher consciousness empowers you to claim and be the architect of your life and destiny for the betterment of yourself and humanity. All of the answers to life’s biggest questions are not outside of us, they are deep within. Usually, deep introspection and meditative work is needed to access these depths. However, after having experienced it, I can truly say that respectful and experienced administration of plant medicines and ceremonies can be tools on the journey of self-awakening.

Life is a gift, and it offers us the opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more. Become the best possible version of yourself and give back because there is nothing more fulfilling, and no greater feeling than knowing that your words or actions helped influence another’s life for the better. You never know who your words and stories might touch. So many people can relate to my struggles because we are humans and we all have a story. Our natural human state is joyful, harmonious, and peaceful. However, for most people, deeply unconscious and long-suppressed fears, anger, and negative emotions drive our lives. True emotional healing always happens at the source and requires us to face our shadow and surrender to the healing process. This means entering the darkness willingly, in a state of naked vulnerability, in order to integrate then release its hold. I truly believe that Ayahuasca has the healing power to help anyone. She will open your heart, break down your walls and open your eyes to parts of yourself and life beyond the norm. She will change you in ways you never expected. These plants have the power to connect us to those parts of ourselves we have forgotten, ignored, or covered up. True healing puts into order the body, mind and spirit with the past, present, and the future. If we can each heal individually than we will see a dramatic change in society. We’re not in this alone. I really believe one of the best things we can do for our society is to realize we are all in this together.

How at ease we feel in our body, mind, and in the world, as well as how we behave toward others and the environment all revolve around how we view ourselves in the larger scheme of things. One of the most important lessons I learned was to not be afraid to be so vulnerable, embrace who I am and becoming, and to not take myself and life so seriously. This is me. It’s who I am, and other people’s judgement has no business with the things that feed my soul and make me, me. The world we live in, inundates us with far too many opinions about how we should be, look, and feel. This is part of what makes authentic self- expression so difficult. I’ve always been afraid to be myself and far too concerned with everyone else’s opinion. I’ve been doing my best to fit in and be friends with everyone for as long as I can remember. I always wanted to be liked, and that left me worrying about who I needed to be for different people. I’ve let go of all that, and only seek relationships that add to my life. I choose to live authentically! Rather than trying to be all things to all people, I offer my most precious gift...the unapologetic Me! I’ve realized that what I need to be, and have always needed to be, is completely comfortable with who I am. It was one of the lessons I needed to learn and that I’ll need to continually work on. A courageous heart is one that is unafraid to open to the world.

I also know that by sharing this, I am leaving no option, but to make myself totally vulnerable and I’ll be forced to learn to not let other people’s opinions affect or hold influence over me. Vulnerability is the gateway to authenticity, and without being vulnerable we can’t truly be ourselves. Once we remove our masks and start talking about some of our demons they begin to lose power over us. No longer do I feel I need someone or depend on another person for my worth. I am part of a community of people that fully love and support me.

I also want to hold myself accountable. If I hope to facilitate change, than I need to be that source of change. Who we are and what we do are influenced by the stories that we tell about ourselves. While we can’t always change the stories that others have about us, we can influence the stories we tell about ourselves. Everyone deserves to live the best possible life they can. If your story has been holding you back, flip the script. Rewrite the narrative for a brighter future. Use your story to empower yourself and create the life you deserve. Use your story to give others hope, which in turn reinforces your desire to live a life you love. After all, what could be greater than helping others? In the end, your story is one worth telling, and you should never forget that!

It is important to learn to forgive our own lapses. How often are you quick to forgive someone else's mistake, or even truly bad behavior, while continuing to beat yourself up for a mistake that you made? Building walls, it is easy to become trapped behind your own emotional defenses, leaving yourself feeling isolated and alone.

“If you condemn yourself for who you were, and you carry that forward, you carry yourself forward in a prison.”- Paul Selig

Learning to love ourselves is one of the toughest lessons we will ever face. We all have flaws, imperfections, embarrassing stories, and past mistakes we wish we could forget. We are insecure, and desperately wish we could change certain things. That's human nature. But the trick is to realize that everyone feels this way. No matter how beautiful, successful, or perfect someone might appear, he or she has their own insecurities and self-doubt. To really learn to love ourselves, we need to own and embrace our past mistakes, but also realize that they don't define our present or our future. Acknowledge yourself as a whole human being with flaws, imperfections and all. Apologize to anyone you feel you have significantly wronged, and then move on. The only worthy thing is love. It is the greatest gift in life. The most sacred bond we can have with other people. If we can remember to love, if we can remember to be openhearted people, we can engage in everything in our lives in a higher much more joyful way.

So where do I begin? The whole experience in Peru was so incredible, transformative, and magical. It was the craziest adventure of my life. I didn’t tell anyone I was going. Literally nobody knew. I let go of what I knew and journeyed into the unfamiliar. It was such an incredible feeling. I felt so free, brave, and adventurous. To go somewhere by myself, in a country where I don’t know anyone or anything about and not tell anyone, left me feeling so adventurous and so alive. But, intuitively, I just felt like I was coming home. Thrill and excitement never stopped pulsating through my veins. Why would I keep it secret? It wasn’t because I felt like I had to, it was because something inside of me told me I needed to do this alone. I knew that one day I would share my experience. When I got back, I realized that would be sooner than later. Beforehand, I didn’t know what to think, but afterwards I didn’t care. I knew what I did was the right decision. Life is a continually evolving adventure, and I’m just along for the ride.

As far as the Ayahuasca ceremonies, I had five totally different experiences. Seven nights, five ceremonies, five totally different experiences. The first night was pretty mild, but it taught me a valuable lesson I’ve struggled to learn throughout my life. I’ve always chased the high. Always had the pedal to the metal. When the Ayahuasca didn’t hit me hard that first night, I was a little disappointed. I wanted results. I wanted immediate insights. I wanted answers, fast. But, I soon came to realize that it was helping me to develop a healthy relationship with the medicine, and it was teaching me to appreciate the moment and ease into the experience. I believe that night set the tone for the ones to follow, because every night after that I felt like I had developed a healthy, respectful relationship with the brew and we understood each other.

The second night was probably one of the happiest nights of my life. I felt like I was in the movie avatar. Had some crazy beautiful visuals and visited all of these different dimensions and far off lands full of magnificent creatures. When my eyes were closed I was in a fantasy land, however, when I opened my eyes I was surrounded by layers and layers of different dimensions. Time also seemed to slow to a still. I could see movements as a delay, or lag. People moving around the room were followed by their trails. It was like watching Neo move in the Matrix in slow motion. I’ve chased adventure and travel my entire life. I’ve visited 75% of the United States and I’ve been to three other continents. I’m constantly plotting my next adventure. I’ve seen truly magnificent places around the world, but nothing could ever top what I saw and the feeling it gave me on that second night. That night I also had these little entities working on me, like little surgeons aligning my energies and trying to fix anything that was wrong in my body. The visual experience was very strange, but the effect was remarkably healing and I couldn’t have been more grateful for it. I remember waking up the following day feeling better than I have in years. In fact, I woke up every day after feeling like a champion.

The third night was insane. Quite possibly the most profound night of my life. I was flying through space, catapulted into a realm of pure love energy, exploring multitude dimensions of immense, profound beauty. I had separated the ego mind and merged with pure consciousness. I lost my sense of self, and entered what felt formless. Not a void, but pure quantum potentiality, a permanence of continuum. It was a state of pure knowing, without any of the projections of the ego. The same stuff that the mystics talk of. The Divine Light. Source Energy. The Holy Spirit. Buddha Nature. It was a state of complete ego dissolution and non-duality. The fundamental clear knowing and true seeing that there is no “I” or “mine” that the Buddha taught. I was one with everything. I saw Buddha, Jesus, and all of these mythical figures and they welcomed me and told me that I was one of them now. That night I experienced “enlightenment.” My brain was a quantum computer processing information at light speed. It was unfathomable the volume of information my mind was downloading. It had a level of consciousness that seemed almost impossible to comprehend. My mind actually felt like it was the entire universe. I wasn’t in the universe, I was the universe. Completely plugged into everything else. I had this feeling that I was one with everything, and that I wasn’t just in the mind of god, but I was a part of god. Everything just kept merging into one. I was so full of love and so open. I saw that the universe has no end and no beginning, and nothing truly dies. Once the medicine lifts the veil of the illusions of separation, mortality, duality and space-time, we see reality and ourselves as what we truly are – the one energy that is manifesting itself in an infinite number of ways. It is all real! I saw that we are consciousness having a human experience and we are all one!

Whether what I saw and experienced was real, or whether it was just in my imagination, there was this clear headed, intuitive, innate knowing that it was real, true and objective. Nothing but pure absolute conviction that I was experiencing the truth. It was as real and objective as me sitting here writing this. Regardless of whether or not a certain situation or experience is real in the three dimensions that we go about in our waking lives or whether it is in the dream world or whether you perceive it as a hallucination, the experience in and of itself is still real. The objective realities of the three dimensions are still illusory and imagined by our senses. We see 1% of the electromagnetic spectrum as visible light. That’s only 1% of the spectrum that we know. There can be infinite spectrums that we don’t know about. The way a bat perceives our world as opposed to how we perceive our world is radically different. As humans we are such a small part of this universe. We are a filter of information but we can only filter so much, so we aren’t privy to all of these different realms on a conscious level on a minute to minute basis.

We've all heard of the placebo effect. You get a sugar pill instead of the real medicine and it works solely because you believe it would. Your mind heals you because you trust the medicine. So if what I saw was real or just in my head, does it matter if my mind believes it real and is just creating that reality? If your mind believes in something strongly, it will do wonders to bring it to fruition. Today it seems that nearly everyone believes, and the latest science points toward the fact, that the way we think has an effect on our life, and that our thinking creates our reality. Neuroscience says your brain is organized to reflect everything you know in your life and is a record of your environment. So we think everything equal to what we know and keep creating more of the same. To truly change we need to think greater than our environment.

The fourth and fifth nights in ceremony were more about purging my body of unwanted toxins and negative energies. Ayahuasca cleansed a tremendous amount of dense energies that have accumulated in my system as well as brought up many fragmented aspects of my past that have been buried in my subconscious. Walking out of ceremony into the night sky on the last night was utterly amazing. The Milky Way was in full display and the sky was incredible. Bright stars littered the sky from horizon to horizon. It was mesmerizing. Never seen anything like it. I didn’t feel like I was looking out into the universe. I felt like I was standing there right in the middle of the universe.

I didn’t have any bad experiences. It was truly amazing and I met tons of cool people from around the world. I have friends in Australia, New Zealand, Malaysia, Vancouver, Ukraine and London now. On the first day we were all strangers, but by the last day we were family. We spent time being vulnerable with each other, shared delicious meals, and faced the deepest darkest parts of ourselves together. I was surrounded by such interesting, intelligent and compassionate people that made this whole experience so magical. I feel closer to my Blue Morpho family now than I have to nearly every other person in my life. These were warriors, people who had traveled half way across the world to a foreign country, embarking on a journey into the unknown, to face their fears and deepest wounds all so that they could become better versions of themselves. They were some of the bravest people I’ve ever met. Every single one of them was prepared for what lies ahead, because deep healing can be challenging. We were meant to be with this particular group of people, and we all came together to share such an incredible experience for a reason.

The experience was so mind altering. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt happier. It really did transform me to the core. I feel lighter, brighter, more vital, more compassionate, and so full of love and happiness, and more in touch with myself and the world around me. Ayahuasca tore down my emotional barriers and opened my heart, my mind, and my eyes. I felt plugged into something bigger than myself. She broke open the doors to higher consciousness.

“Ayahuasca is a holistic, existential, experiential medicine, shamanic brew and well-known natural entheogen that facilitates deep cleansing, and states of inner-awakening. It rids the body of physical impurities, heals deep-seated emotional and psychological issues by cleansing your subconscious mind, the body and the energetic system of negative energies, helps bring integration to deep-seated emotional problems, and guides us towards releasing limiting and fear-filled beliefs.”

“Whether you are looking for personal healing and cleansing, discovering an overall greater sense of purpose, presence and peace in your life, or for rejuvenation and perspective, spiritual growth, insight or meaning in life, profound change, or to expand your consciousness, or are on a path of self-discovery and awakening in search of direction, plant medicines can help facilitate your journey. Each person becomes their own guru receiving revelations from within themselves and higher transpersonal sources.”

Ayahuasca supports you in facing your darkest shadows, your most repressed traumas, and your most serious wounds. What if you could return to your childhood and relive your darkest experiences with your current strength and maturity? What if you could reconnect with your essence, the part of yourself you covered up in order to survive as a child because it was not approved of, validated, or loved by others. Following a path of inner work triggers the old trauma, loosens it, and brings it to the light to be released. We offer up all of what no longer serves us to be burned up. By bringing more consciousness to the emotional process we can actually gain new choices over our feelings and behavior. We can free our hearts and minds from the chains of past conditioning, and can actually learn how to cultivate the more satisfying states of mind. Until the underlying wound is healed, until the casual emotions are faced and integrated, the part of you which experienced trauma and found a way to cope with it continues to run the same program over and over, endlessly. They stay with us for life unless we delve deep to find their cause – a negative residual energy that manifested as an emotional blockage. A gaping hole remains, and you try to fill it with whatever is at hand while life feels like a prison. Since what you resist persists, at some point you must find the courage to dig deep. If not now, when? Ayahuasca allows you to unlock those implicit memories, like a key, and allows you to go back and reprocess them logically without emotion. The bravest people are the ones who have the courage to be able to face their demons, and the constant barrage and assaults of their own minds. They say that you never come to play with Ayahuasca, it’s always work. That’s because it’s not easy, it’s a challenging undertaking.

Ayahuasca allows access to dimensions that are usually inaccessible to the heavily conditioned human mind. There are no words to describe it. It's an expansion of heart, mind, and spirit. The usual frames of references holding our common daily understandings of reality in place become obliterated with an opening perceptibility to activity, phenomena, and information in frequency ranges outside of the five senses. It dissolves the illusory self and significantly increases your awareness of your own self-constructed boundaries, and guides you to release fear-filled and self-limiting beliefs. Things come up that people realize are in there but have not been able to confront or really bring to the forefront. They’ve relatively successfully suppressed it but it’s still wielding a negative influence in their life. There is a purification and bringing forward that of what has been suppressed in the subconscious. Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life. This process initiates a long term healing journey that supports your overall liberation from the hypnosis of your condition. It shines a light into your shadow, and helps you to become aware of negative patterns. Unconscious deep emotional wounds and aspects of our mind that hinder us from living our lives to the fullest are integrated while new insights and perspectives about the self, world and universe are introduced all within the individual’s consciousness. You then need to become intimate with your fears, embrace your darkest shadows, and consciously guide yourself back to wholeness. The results are usually profound healing and significant life transformation

Miracles with ayahuasca come in all shapes and sizes; they can be insights, revelations, eradication of fears and addictions, relationship shifts, relocations, career changes and altered life courses. The common theme? If you do the work, you will get to release that which no longer serves you, tap into your power of choice, and write your own destiny.

This is why I felt a calling, and followed my heart, to go to Peru to work with Shamans. Ayahuasca has an uncanny ability to know when the time is right, and when the person is ready to sit with the medicine, she will call for them, and this is exactly what I experienced. I’ve known about it for probably over 5 years, and I’ve always been intrigued by it, but it wasn’t until about 3 months ago when I felt this undeniable calling too it. It needs to be an internal personal decision. I initially felt drawn to it because of claims from people who had kicked lifelong addictions seemingly overnight. For me, this calling was, in large part, because I’ve been holding onto a lot of baggage that I needed to shed. Things that I was passion about and used to leave me feeling so happy were leaving me feeling unsatisfied. I could feel myself closing off to life, and I hated it. So, I knew it was right and I went there completely calm and without conviction. There was definitely a magical element about doing it at its place of origin, in the middle of the Amazon, under a Milky Way sky, while listening to the sounds of the rainforest. We were also allowed to participate in the harvest and brewing of the Ayahuasca that we drank. This gave us the opportunity to put our intentions into the brew and that added a very special element.

Key to preparation is a conscious formation of an intention, something you want to fix or insight you seek to gain. Ayahuasca will show you what you need to see or to let go of. These were my intentions:

1. Transform my life and start living for something bigger

2. Confront my conditioning. Break down all walls and barriers and be free from all limiting beliefs, negative thoughts and behaviors that no longer serve me.

3. Deep personal healing & forgiveness of myself for all of my mistakes and the people I’ve wronged. Heal my life, identity and traumas.

4. Gain insight into my life. What is my purpose? Why am I here? What can I do to live a more fulfilling life? What can I do to flourish?

5. Open my heart and feel love to all of life. Stop living so closed off. Reclaim the parts of me that have been cut off and abandoned. Restore the vitality, creativity, imagination, playfulness, and connection to my inner child.

My whole life I’ve been a very deep, self-aware, introspective, reflective individual. Constantly contemplating the universe and my existence. I’ve always been fascinated by the complexity of life and the immensity of the universe. Curious about what some of the brightest theoretical scientists & evolutionary biologists of the world thought on the universe and life, I delved into a period of my life where I read every book I could on evolution, the history of our planet, the universe, quantum physics, string theory, black holes, and the theory of everything. I learned about quarks, bosons, neutrinos, god particles, string theory, and multiverses. I wanted to understand the Big Picture. That question has always intrigued me. Why am I here? Why are humans here? What is my part in this? What is the meaning of all this? Little did I know that in Peru, I would get a glimpse of all of this. In addition to contemplating the universe outside, I started reading a lot into Buddhist psychology because I knew there was a way into the universe by going within. Scientists investigate life by looking outside of themselves, while Buddhist meditators look inward. In either direction reality displays roughly the same qualities. Scientists and meditators give similar accounts of everything from brain functions to subatomic realities. As inside, so outside. The big difference is that by seeing these truths inside ourselves, the information becomes personal.

"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life."

This quote by John Lennon has always resonated with me. It’s the reoccurring theme of my life. We only get one crack at this, and I’ve always promised myself that I would never settle for anything but the best in life. Too often I see people working a 9-5, and every day is the same old boring routine, just going through the same routine motions, just living for the weekend. I promised myself I would never be that person. Success without fulfillment would be the ultimate failure. Life isn’t meant to be repetitive, boring and monotonous. There would be life, love and adventure in everything I do. Being optimally well is not just the mere absence of illness, it’s about thriving and continually striving to live a life that is full, meaningful, zestful and exuberant.

The biggest reasons why I wanted to go to Peru was because of the baggage I’ve been holding onto due to the ignorance and delusion that plagued my early/mid-20s, but also so that I could gain some insight, possibly find some answers to life’s biggest questions, and start living a more fulfilling, meaningful and purposeful existence.

In my early 20s I went through a period of mild depression. I had just graduated college with a bachelor’s degree in civil engineering; a degree I wasn’t sure I ever really wanted. I felt so lost. I wanted to live a life full of purpose, and meaning. I wanted to help people, and find a way I could contribute to society, and know that one day when I leave this planet I will have left it for the better. This couldn’t be it. I’ve always known that the secret to living is giving. The world doesn’t need any more building engineers. On top of that, I was unhappy living in NY. I felt trapped, and I didn’t know what to do. I felt myself slipping into that life and person I promised I would never be, so naturally I turned to alcohol as a clutch. I always knew and had profound sense that there was more to life. I think it’s safe to say that I failed myself in this period of life. The failure hurt, but it was a wonderful teacher. The most difficult experiences tend to be the most valuable experiences. That’s where the opportunity to learn really opens up

I feel like I’ve been holding onto a lot of guilt over these years of destructive behavior and abusing alcohol. I know that I was young and immature, and had been acting out of delusion & ignorance, but even so I’ve nonstop been mentally punishing myself for years. I’ve been holding onto a lot of baggage that I needed to shed. I was back in the prison of my mind, but I could see that the door was locked from the inside this whole time. In my late teens and early 20s, I was always shy and just wanted to be like everyone else and feel accepted. Feeling like an outsider, I internalized this as though something was wrong with me and so whenever I’d go into social situations there was always this story in the back of my mind that I’m not good looking enough, I’m not funny enough, or I’m not social enough. Alcohol gave me a way out. It gave me that liquid courage! I had found a new sense of confidence and could talk to anyone! It was a false personality, a mask worn to cover and protect my true inner self from a world that is callous and hurtful. But I realize now, that I’ve never wanted to be like those people and the person I was. I hated the person I was becoming. I compromised myself and my values to gain approval and validation. The core problem for me was a lack in self-acceptance, self-love, and self-worth. As small children, we are open and free, sharing all of ourselves with others. As we grow and mature, however, we learn that the world can be a very painful place, so we avoid or try to minimize the risk of being hurt again. Out of fear of rejection or abandonment we learn to protect ourselves. We build walls around our hearts, and even worse, we begin to believe and internalize negative thoughts and feelings about ourselves. As we search for answers to life's hurts, we often begin to believe that we were responsible for them. The best way to minimize the potential damage is not to build walls. To combat the fear of vulnerability, we must first learn to love and accept our whole, authentic self.

All I’ve ever really wanted was to accept my true self. Self-acceptance trumps self-esteem, and genuine confidence is not the absence of fear, it is the transformed relationship with fear. What is there ever to fear? Life is in a constant state of flux. Every moment is impermanent and changing. The only thing promised is that we will all one day leave this body. It’s unavoidable, so why not do the things that scare you? What do you have to lose?

Even though I don’t drink often anymore, I’ve still been punishing myself and I feel like I’ve had thoughts of unworthiness and had become closed off to a lot of life. Adventure, travel, and things that used to bring me joy were just leaving me feeling unsatisfied. In relationships, I’d pull back because I felt like I didn’t deserve this. I know I have such a good heart and I wanted to open it to feel compassion, love and forgiveness for myself so that I could love life again. Some people would just brush it off, and say “don’t worry about it, that’s how kids your age are supposed to act.” But it’s never been that easy. I did a lot of dumb things, ruined relationships and friendships, and I’ve been holding onto a lot of these mistakes since my early 20s. Not only was I abusing alcohol, but I was lying and hiding it from the people I loved and cared about. I put my family through too much, left my mom constantly worrying about me, and I mistreated and hurt too many people along the way. I’ve been craving my own forgiveness for years. It is only by facing, taking ownership, and reclaiming those unintegrated parts of the self that have manifested as fear, and negative patterns that we may get to the root cause of our suffering and truly heal.

I was able to see all of that in ceremony. It has been my own self-defeating behaviors, and limiting self-beliefs that have kept me trapped. You can search the whole universe and not find any being more worthy of your love & happiness than yourself! It unearthed traumas that were deeply buried in the subconscious of my mind. It was a lot of unflattering stuff. Ways that I’ve hurt people and been dishonest in my life, mistakes I’ve made, ways that I haven’t lived up to my potential and failed myself or failed others. I saw the many ways that I have hurt and harmed myself & others, betrayed or abandoned them, caused them suffering, knowingly or unknowingly, out of my pain, fear, anger and confusion, and the sorrow I’ve carried from this. Ayahuasca allows you to see and perceive things you can’t ordinarily, in ways you wouldn’t ordinarily, and it also allows you to see things from other perspectives, through the eyes of other people. It will also often show you what it’s like speaking and interacting with you from the other side. It allows you to relive the experience, but from a somewhat detached third person perspective. Almost as an observer, observing yourself in a life situation and seeing the past in a way that you’ve never seen it before. I was able to see the impact that I’ve had on others, and that impact wasn’t always positive. It allowed me to see that from another person’s point of view. I suddenly realized the pain my negligence was causing others.

I was able to go all the way back in time and see when it all started, where it all went wrong and why. I was able to activate repressed memories in ways that allowed me to come to a new understanding of my past. I was able to reconnect with parts of myself that I have felt shame or guilt around. I replayed my life slowly and meticulously and was able to go through different periods and explore the instinctual qualities of myself and see how those behaviors became conditioned in my brain. I saw the mechanics of how my personal story got created, and when and how I developed an abusive, unhealthy relationship with alcohol and why it continued to perpetuate. Allowing difficult feelings and emotions to surface, accepting them, integrating them and then releasing them was an indispensable part of the healing process. By bringing it to my awareness and seeing it and understanding how it all happened, I was able to come to terms with it, forgive myself, and to let it all go. I was able to see all of the people I’ve hurt, and to ask them for their forgiveness. Most importantly, I was finally able to see how deluded & ignorant I’ve been and to forgive myself. I’m alive. I survived all of it.

“The day the child realizes all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; The day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; And the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.” –Alden Nowlan

I applied loving kindness to the younger Alex, the older versions of Alex who had these behaviors that I had grown to hate and resent, and actually thank them for the role they played. Ayahuasca showed me both the ways I’ve closed off from myself, and that I no longer need to because the love is still there, it’s always been there. I realize now that all of my “problems” were a gift. Without problems we would not grow. All of my past failures and frustrations have laid the foundation for the understandings that will create a new, higher level of living I intend to enjoy.

“The journey into self-love and self-acceptance must begin with self-examination...until you take the journey of self-reflection, it is almost impossible to grow or learn in life.” -Iyanla Van Zant

I honestly feel lighter since I’ve been back and my heart feels open again and I finally feel free from my past mistakes. I am learning to love myself and feel a sense of worth for simply being a human. Ayahuasca really did open me up and I’ve felt so full of love & happiness, and I’ve been calm, more relaxed, and at peace. I have been able to engage with the world in a way that comes from a heart centered perspective. I have gained such a deep trust in life and the journey. Especially after the last night when I just laid down by myself and stared at the stars for hours and asked the universe to start living for something bigger. I was talking to the universe and the universe was talking back, I could feel it. In that moment, I knew my dreams were already answered. As I stood there, staring off into the universe, sharing the air with those who lived in the past, I knew that I was standing there with my ancestors, sharing the same incredible views and feelings of amazement that they witnessed thousands of years ago. I’ve never felt closer and more alive. I saw 7 shooting stars and I could see the Milky Way. I was in total awe. I’ve never seen the nighttime sky like that. The whole experience was just so profound, and looking out into the universe made me realize how insignificant my problems and mistakes really are and how stupid it is for me to let them continue to haunt and hold power over me. It seems that my early/mid 20s was about losing myself, so that my early 30s I could come home to my true self.

“The person who hasn’t conquered, withstood and overcome continues to feel doubtful that he ever could.” – Abraham Maslow

I remember sitting in ceremony repeating to myself over and over again, how can I ever go back to reality as it’s been? There was no possible way. I had seen and experienced way too much. I also remember sitting there and feeling deep within that we, as a collective, had just raised the level of consciousness of the entire planet. Twenty three people in ceremony, in the middle of the Amazon, had a global ripple effect. I knew from that moment that my life was forever transformed. There is no going back after experiencing yourself as the eternal light of all there is. How can you hold grudges or attempt to harm another knowing they are your own? How can you not care for mother earth given she is our beautiful creation? How will you now look at the challenges in your life after having experienced yourself as formless and timeless Source Energy that has neither beginning nor end?

“Man is the most insane species. He worships an invisible god and slaughters a visible nature, without realizing that this nature he slaughters is the invisible god he worships.” – Herbert Reeves

It's not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean. Going to Peru was my 30th birthday present to myself. It was a deeply spiritual experience for me and something I needed to do for my own personal healing. I wanted to shed everything that has been holding me back, so that I could forge forward and carve out a new future, and start off 31 as the best year of my life and a beautiful new beginning. A deep spiritual experience is only possible when we put our ego aside. It’s about merging with something larger than you and it’s your ego that stands in the way. If we can subdue it, amazing things happen and we realize that we are part of a larger collective. When we don’t feel a part of some grander design we are forced to carry all of the meaning of life on our own shoulders.

I have no doubt that in the coming months, as I continue to integrate, I’ll come to new insights and have amazing things to report. Just being in the middle of the Amazon rainforest completely disconnected from society was so liberating and incredible. Set and setting was everything. It can definitely be work, but it’s the price to pay if it means finding your passion and purpose and start living a fulfilling life free from past baggage. If we don’t set a baseline standard for what we accept in life, we will find it easy to slip into a quality of life and behaviors that are far below what we deserve. We can change our lives. We can do, have, and be exactly what we wish. Who we become, and what we contribute is what gives meaning to our lives.

There is no greater force for the good than a healthy, energized, awakened individual with a clear mission. The strongest purpose in life is to be of service to those you love. We need to realize that the power to cultivate change is in our hands. Open the mind, and expand it. Plug into something bigger than yourself and raise your consciousness. When we look up, we are all under the same sky and when we look within, the same light shines.

We are not separate from nature, or even each other. Every one of our decisions and actions affects all of these realms. Realizing that we are an integral part of this vast and complex web of life, and that the health of the whole is intimately connected with the health of the individual, it is critical that the global shift in consciousness assumes this perspective, and that starts with each of us.

How many lives will you touch while you have the privilege to walk this planet? What impact will your life have on the generations that follow you? What legacy will you leave behind after you have taken your last breath? What would you be doing if you could do anything in the world and there was nothing in the way, no obstacles? How can I live today in order to create the tomorrow I’m committed to? Consciously choose each step, aiming for the direction which calls you closer to your highest aspirations.

As the great Albert Einstein once said, “There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” What will you chose? I challenge you to make your life a masterpiece. Join the ranks of the people who live what they teach, and who walk their talk. There is no greatness without a passion to be great.

“Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life’s deepest joy: true fulfillment.” – Tony Robbins

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the-mf-bread-babies · 4 years ago

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9/5/2020

BACKGROUND CHECK

NULL HQ was always busy, but today was considered an achievement for their hard work in researching the backgrounds of fifty rogues within fifty days in the form of an event where the research team went through hell to satisfy the needs of the Top 50. The 50/50/50 event, it was called, and it was held on a certain chairman's 7th 43rd birthday. If this work sounds weird, I made it while dehydrated, ok. And that chairman was none other than Satan herself, Karén Stéphane Alodie Basilie Blanche Capucine Odette Delphine-Aveline. And yes, her surname does indeed mean Dolphin Hazelnut Tree. Don't ask why.

Today, the fruit that formed by the water of companionship, the nutrients of underpaid employees, the sunlight and carbon dioxide of the terrible ventilation system of the office and the fertilizer of illegal sharing of confidential information had finally ripened and was ready to be plucked by Madame Delphine-Aveline.

The Top 50 had prepared a luxurious vacation for their hardworking employees situated at the tropical rainforest-slash-whatever of New York City Jungle. Yes, having your employees temporarily staying at a nice three-star abandoned hotel and at risk of being eaten by human-animal genetic abominations was quite inhumane, but so is simply letting them spend the day off returning home to their family that died of starvation at the hands of NULL. It's a complicated situation that was one of many developed by the fusion.

Karén hastily dashed to her three-storey private office that also had a swimming pool in it because she was rich, the sounds of her high heels clacking against the hardwood flooring of the 45th floor of the headquarters. Her white woman bracelet-strewn hand was tightly clutching dossiers of the peasants under her.

They had posed a great threat to them after they had exposed a great deal of evidence surrounding NULL’s harsh treatment of, well, everything, and while that was common sense among everyone, the Top 50 still felt hurt with the rogues' selfish actions. The dossiers were their way of striking back even harder towards the revolutionists of Eris-10, the very revolutionists that scatter across the globe, and particularly one group of them squatting in a town in the Crepitus section. Yes, those guys. The Hellspawns. The Wicked, Twisted, Rapidly-Changing-Number Evils of the World. T3G, The Three Thot Groups, the legendary…

Fifty Fighters.

Are they fifty individual fighters? Do they fight the Top 50? Or do they simply have a personal grudge against random numbers? Yes.

The tragedy that made them so important to NULL was uncertain.

Their group contains a family actively running away from NULL, three would-be NULL agents, an individual who gives intense neck therapy to NULL agents, multiple individuals who steal top-secret NULL engineering projects, an individual who worked as an exterminator for NULL and thusly has blueprints of NULL centres embedded into their head, a reprogrammed NULL spy robot, three individuals who were previously under the possession of NULL in environmental capsules, a genetic abomination made by NULL scientists as a PET, a cat, a triple agent responsible for several terrorist attacks on NULL centres who also happens to be a member of the most dangerous group of hitmen in the universe, THE RINGLEADERS, who also HAPPEN to be in good relations with the revolutionist group, because of said single father of two to four that's weirdly close with one of the three individuals who were would-be NULL agents.

Of course this group would be in NULL’s death list.

With that being said, leaving the team that actively worked to obtain information on the threatening individuals to die on a classified location while being observed by scientists might not be the best payment. But it's still a payment.

As the Frenchwoman sat in her £3,000 foldable spinny office chair that can also massage the user, she splayed out the dossier files across her £50,000 hardwood-base granite-surfaced countertops surrounding the area, hidden by rare plants that were watered with diamond-flavoured water. She sighed and leaned the chair back as she snapped her fingers, kindly reminding one of her personal assistants to bring her another large dose of caffeine to get her rusty gears running.

As she waited impatiently, she retrieved her $5,000,000,000 laptop from her Chanel x Gucci x Fendi x Apple x Louis Vuitton x Microsoft x Google x Hunter × Hunter x The Entire Country of Russia x Sonic X x Amazon purse. The laptop was said to be the one that the late Mark Zuckerberg was using as she strangled him to death for not responding sooner to her email on user information. Unfortunately, the email had went straight to the spam folder.

Her fingers were playing a dramatic symphony on the keyboard, her face stern and unchanging.

“good anniversary gifts for Her”

Her 50¢ sunglasses-covered orbs glared at her demand on Bing as she violently clicked the search button. As the ancient website loaded and the screen, white and static and dangerously bright because she doesn't know how to adjust the brightness, she wondered what sequence of surprises would bring joy to her wife currently stationed overseas. God, if only she could join her in creating genetic abominations. So romantic if she could.

Her curiosity was halted suddenly as the assistant rushed in, hands holding a tray. Situated on the tray was a jug of black coffee, a bottle of vodka, a bottle of liquoré, three stolen packets of sea salt, and a mug that read “#0 B0SS”, accompanied with a dagger with a fashioned concave end, resembling a spoon.

Of course, you could still stab someone with it. It's just that the lady's so dangerous she stirs coffee with a dagger, that's all.

The rich bitch glared as her assistant put the contents of the tray onto the coffee table at a glacial pace, also keeping an eye out for any spills made. “Here you are, madame,” the assistant nervously chuckled. Well, that was uncalled for. Her assistants were all given a strict order to not speak to her unless absolutely urgent or if needed to. This one must be new.

“How long have you been working in zis position for, exactly, mïéáæèy chérìè?” Dolphin-HazelnutTree asked with a thin, long smile across her face, eyeing a sea salt packet that was slightly teared.

“Two months, madame,” she smiled. A kind face, clearly inexperienced. “My name is Pauline,” she added, further breaking the rules.

The woman who has a herb for a middle name made an odd face to be observed, only to move towards the young lady who insulted her to hell and back. “Paulíne,” she gently whispered, “I’m glad to know those two months are over,” Pauline's face went pale.

“Faghewell,”

The last word Pauline had heard echoed in her head as Capucine stabbed her in the abdomen while staring down at her falling corpse.

With the dagger spoon. She stabbed her with the dagger spoon. Karén sat on her desk, crossing her legs stylishly.

“Why do I always have bad luck after my birthdays? First, ze bad fughe coat, now zis. I might as well just set zis whole thing on fighea tomorrow.” She uttered, uncaring about Pauline choking on her own blood.

“About ze blood, go call someone to clean it up, dear,” Basil Lady said while examining her perfectly manicured nails.

“You’ve brought too much eggs for ze baguette, now suffer under ze firm hands of it,” she taught nonchalantly. An old French proverb, unsuitable to be said by someone simply learning it on Duolingo such as Pauline.

Pauline was struggling to add even anything to their light feud other than death gargles, and soon, a light thump on the white fur rug, her blood painting it red.

The Baguette pursed her thin, dry lips and stared at the Wannabe Baguette. She lost her train of thought for a few seconds before realising the task at hand.

“Annivaghsaghy gifts! Rghight!”

She spun herself around the desk and sat back down to review the possible gifts. “Hmm…” she scrolled down the BuzzFeed article promoting various products. “Jewelghy? Too cheap. New dghess? Wardghobe's full. Potted plants? Not her thing. Floor cleaner…” she pondered. “Unfortunately, no.” She mumbled, sipping on her unusual beverage.

She stared out the window, thinking. Lists like this roaming around the Internet and made by simpletons didn't contain the spice her relationship had. Basil. Hazelnut. Karén had to think of something else, something more uniqué. Something more fitting for their… uniqué relationship that had a certain je ne sais quoi. A little la souris dans le film avec le gars des pâtes. To be specific, Je ne connais pas cette langue et je ne fais que copier et coller depuis Google Translate. Veuillez aider.

Her eyes fixated on the view outside, never constant, always having something new to be added. Buildings ranging from fallen skyscrapers turned into bridges to supermarkets hosting her greatest enemies. What would her wife like?

And then it clicked.

Homemade bread. Yes, bread wasn't really a topic they talked about often, but if they baked bread together, it would be quite nice. Karén was daydreaming into the distance, not paying attention to the hurricane of messages received on her computer.

It wasn't until her other personal assistants came in with cleaning supplies and a body bag that she stopped and continued to focus on like, eating, I guess, the fruit mentioned in Paragraph 2. She cleared her throat as she picked up the dossiers splayed out on the countertops in her office, arranging them neatly on her desk and preparing to read them.

The first file was thick, and full of information. Knowing it would consume the most of her precious time, she put it aside. Karén sighed as she sorted the files, knowing her wife would have loved gossiping about this with her. Her eyes went to the laptop screen, wondering if she could call her lover for a short while and have a nice conversation. However, a notification distracted her from her wants. An email addressing the rescheduling of the next meeting for the Top 50. She opened it with a frown.

It was from Lee. “HELLO ALL I WILL BE RESCHEDULIG OUR NEXT METTING TO TWO MONTHS ATTER” God, the man has such bad email etiquette. Maybe if he opted to switch out those horrid sunglasses for a good pair of glasses, he'd be able to type in something other than all uppercase letters and sudden typos.

“I AM SORRY FOR THIS SUDDDDEN CHGNE. INWILL BE FOING TO NYCJ FOR A BUSINES TRIP. I AM SORRY. BEST REGARDS STEVEN!”

The Frenchwoman gasped but then immediately retracted it due to fear of her assistants finding out that she has emotions. Really, Steven? The jungle? Out of all people, you? What the fuck, Steve?

This was the last straw. Karén baguetted hastily to the elevator, stabbing the button going down to the basement with an elegant dagger, sparkling with the various gemstones encrusted into its hilt. She angry white woman yelled in the elevator walls, but not before snatching the security camera so no one caught her.

As she was screaming out of dramatic French anger, the elevator halted at the third floor and opened its doors to an intern business agent. Curses. She was so blinded by her own anger that she accidentally took the peasants’ elevator instead of her usual one.

The intern awkwardly stepped into the corner of the elevator, driving his eyes to anywhere but the Frenchwoman. As the peasant transportation cage descended to the basement floor, she stormed towards NULL’s gas station. She wormed her way into the back and stole three jerry cans of gasoline, cradling them as if they were her arsonist-endorsing children. She also made sure to grab some fancy cigarettes, so that it would be a dramatic scene. What is ‘it’? You'll see.

Karén had just finished the finale of a Hulu original series following a woman struggling with motherhood and marriage. Apparently, all she got from the series was that kids are evil, and landlords aren't. Also, arson is always the best plan. Also also, Reese Witherspoon is an excellent actress who is also kind of pretty. But not as pretty as her wife. Oh, and she forgot about the whole Kerry Washington subplot. Probably wasn't that important.

She dashed into Steven's office, which was conveniently close to hers, as she was #23 and he was #24. Karén laughed maniacally as she doused the whole thing in gasoline, unaware of Drogomann sitting on the sofa watching her.

“Um, salutations.”

“WHAT ZE HELL!!?”

Drogomann stared at the struggling woman, judging her every move. Karén’s panicking had spilled the gasoline out of the other two jerry cans, the accelerant flowing down the hallway. The dragon lady noticed this but didn't pay it any care. “Yes! Hello there, my good friend! How are you doing now, Darlamean?” she asked, her voice cracking intermittently.

Darlamean. Really?

The hunter rolled her eyes as she picked up her pet dragon, Currents. It's the least she could do to prevent this crazy French lady from burning down her husband's office. “Doth thou needeth a handeth?” she asked mockingly, shoving Currents into her face. The action had backfired, since Karén had a primal urge to smack the dragon out of her face.

“DON'T SLAPPETH CURRENTS!” Currents was too young to use his wings, so this was bad. Stoorworm panicked as she tripped over one of Karén’s arms as she was trying to catch Currents. The young dragon had thankfully not learned how to use its powers yet, thankfully, and didn't burn down the building. Still, it made everyone in the room panic like hell, especially Karén, but it was for nothing…

However, Karén tends to smoke when she's panicking, and even though this was a situation where smoking was the last thing someone would do, her pattern of reacting to panic did not register the fact that doing so would cause the room, if not, the whole building to burn down, and also would cause her and many others to die, engulfed in flames.

Regardless of the situation, she still instinctively pulled out a cigarette and started to light it without even noticing what she was doing. Drogomann, on the other hand, was busy examining Currents’ current state, searching for any injuries.

The sound of the friction of the cigarette against the weird sandpaper thing on the box (I have not seen a cigarette box up close in years, if not never, so don't expect me to know how this whole thing works ok) had alerted Drogomann as she was, you know, paying attention to the task and hand and not, like, panicking. Considering she deals with herself constantly being on the brink of being set on fire by one of her pets, she's trained herself to, like, Really pay attention to fire and stuff so yeah.

“Ho, dumbass, stop that,” Drogomann shouted. “Doth thee wanteth to kill us?” “Thee baguette? Huh? Huh?” She added, stuffing her pet dragon into her pocket, running towards Karén. “Mérghèhdé!” The Frenchwoman panicked, still. Despite Drogomann’s warning, the flame had already been lit, and the fire grew.

“Merde! Merde! Merde!” Drogomann retrieved a fire extinguisher from behind Steven's desk. Karén was still screaming in French. “Runneth, wench!” Stoorworm politely advised as she started spraying the forbidden Kool-aid powder across the floor. “MERDE!!!” Karén yelled as she ran out of the room, crying. Drogomann sighed as she extinguished the flame successfully, disappointed at the foolishness of the dumbass.

“Ashes. Flames have been reduced. Thank God we didn't die, right? I was here, you know,” the medieval lady said. “Merci! Merci beaucoup, mon ami! You saved my la vie! If it wasn't for you I would be morte!!!” The modern day lady thanked her profusely, “Hi-hi, you are étourdissante, Dghogomann!” Oh, so that's all it takes to get Karén to remember her name. Saving her life. And also insulting her at the same time. Good to know.

“What will you be doing later, ma cherie?” Karén asked suggestively, playing with her twelve-foot-long hair, covered in dry ice(?). “Taking care of him. Touch Currents again, you'll die. Same goes for Steven,” Drogomann haiku’d. “What le fuque? Okay.” Karén nervously backed away.

“A married woman… should not make such offerings,” “Steven shall tell her.” She warned. “QUOI?!” She shouted in French. “Non, non, non, non, Dghogomann, please don't, s’il vous plaît, non, non,” She pleaded. “I’m kidding, Karén. But really, don't cheat on her,” Drogomann assured. “Geneticist, right?” she asked, a brow raisedth. “Y-Yes. Why?” Drogomann nodded intently.

“So she killeth stuff.”

“Huh?”

“Good to know. Watch out, Karén,”

“Don’t do stupid things.”

Drogomann walked out of the room, cradling Currents, avoiding the gasoline and kicking any jerry cans that dared to stand in her way. “Clean this mess up, please. Someone might trip over them. Or burn the building.” She advised. “Rghogergh that, huntergh,” Karén complied.

Now, all she has to do is to give her wife a call or two, get some anniversary gifts, maybe set up some surprise parties, and…

Oh God. Review multiple dossiers.

· fin ·

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graysonpuzzle · 7 years ago

Text

Demons Within

Note: just edited this chapter. I feel like this is the chapter that really sets up what I plan to write and the first three chapters were more fun to get to know Grayson and see her relationship with the main guys on the show start out (Sam and Dean obviously). Nothing too crazy in terms of warnings, just language, possession, some car stuff. If you read, Thanks and enjoy!

THE PUZZLE CHAPTER FOUR

----------------------

March 30th, 1996

"Grandpa. what is this?" I ask, holding up a newspaper headlining 'Local Psychic Found Dead.'

He walks over and snatches it from my hand, "Nothing, stay out of that box." I don't listen and look through all the other papers, a lot of them dating back pretty far.

"What are these?" I ask again, ignoring his previous order.

"Grayson Renee, I told you to stop looking through those."

"These are all deaths, who are these people?" I persist, my 13 year old self as curious as ever.

He lets out a long sigh, fed up with my curiosity, "Those are your late relatives, both your mom and dad's sides."

I continue flipping through the papers as he continues talking. "I just wanted to keep them all just in case." He takes the box away and leaves the room.

Later that night, before bed I try to ask him about those newspapers again. "Grandpa?"

"What, Grayson?" He asks, by his tone I can tell he's irritated by something. I walk further into the room to ask him.

"I really want to know about those papers, I barely know anything about our family, except for you and mom and dad."

"Grayson, I don't want to talk about this, and if you ask me about it again I will add another 5 miles to your morning route."

"But-"

"One more time and I'll send you off to hunt some wendigo. Stop." He knows wendigos are my least favorite, I've been scared of them since he took me on a hunt when I was 9. Ever since then he's used them as a punishment.

"Sorry," I say and walk out of the kitchen.

"Grayson," he starts and I think hes about to say something to make me feel better but then he says, "Don't forget to get up early for that extra 5 miles." Why was I surprised?

January 7th, 2007

After days of searching and searching, I finally find something that might help me figure out why I'm being targeted by Mindy in one of the old boxes my grandpa keeps my moms things in. The address is attached to the name Rita, and its the only address in all of Mom's things, so it must be important.

I find the address in a small town only a couple hours away. At first I'm not sure if its right, because the address on the paper matches one outside of a psychic reading place, but then I realize that's not out of the ordinary for my job.

I park across the street and cross the road to the small shop. I walk in to find bright colored beads on the door and even more vibrant curtains hanging everywhere. The bell on top of the door rings and I stop to take in the place.

"Hello?" I call. I move further into the colorful mess and almost trip on a rug, "Is anyone here?"

There's a single doorway with another set of beads hanging from the frame, I look over my shoulder and keep walking. The hall is very narrow with only three doors. I walk into the first room on the right and see a crystal ball in the middle of the room. I walk to it and put my hand on it.

"Grayson, dont touch that," A woman's voice says behind me.

I jump and turn around to face a curvy dark woman, who I'm guessing is Rita.

"Sorry. Are you- Rita?" I ask, putting my hands in my back pockets.

"Yes." She replies simply.

"Wait how do you know my name?" I ask.

"How do you know mine?" She counters.

"I was looking in my moms stuff and your name and this address were circled, I was wondering if you could help me," I explain.

"Oh, that demon told you to look up your history, of course I can help you!"

"How do you know-"

"Did you read the sign outside? I'm a psychic, and I've been keeping my mind on you lately." Well that's not creepy.

"Did you know my mom, Elizabeth Reed?" I ask and she gestures for me to sit in a plush chair by the crystal ball.

"Yeah, she was a good friend of mine, she is the one that wanted me to keep an eye on you for her if something happened." And something did happen, but why am I meeting her just now then?

"Because your stubborn grandpa wouldn't let me near you!" she huffs, " Lets just get to business. Give me your hands." I do and she closes her eyes.

"How will this help me?"

"Shh."

I stop talking and sit in silence while she does whatever shes doing.

"You are so brave, but hot headed and my- very impulsive, so much that you've almost gotten yourself killed many times. But you are also very strategic and analytical. That's it, you let your feelings get the best of you. Now lets look at whats ahead for you- Ooh! Some attractive young men, and- oh my god-"

"What? What is it?"

Her eyes snap towards me and she speaks, "It's like a puzzle that came without all the pieces. Listen to me now: You are almost put together, but the last piece you've been looking for will come at a very high price. You've been solving this puzzle without even knowing it. Putting it all together on your own, but this last, most important piece you will need help with. I will emphasize that this piece...it will cost you greatly."

"Wha- what are you-?" I start, confused.

"I'm sorry, but these visions come so fast and short, but just enough so I can sort it out."

"So what do you mean by puzzle? Am I going to die?" I ask.

"Well, everyone's gonna die!" She laughs, "But, my vision wasn't very pleasant. I think it means that your time is coming a little sooner than planned. And the puzzle pieces I saw symbolize you putting yourself together."

"I didn't know I was broken," I say solemnly and look to the floor. She notices and changes the subject.

"Want to try me?" She asks, and I'm utterly confused.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Try reading me, it doesn't have to be the future, just look at me and tell me what you know." She urges.

I take a deep breath and look at her, Grandpa did teach me how to tell when people were lying. Maybe that's similar.

"I think, you know a lot of hunters, but aren't one. Um...that you...like...cats?" I suck.

She laughs, "your Grandpa spent so much time training you physically and mentally, but he couldn't take some of it to teach you to read people? God that man was crazy."

"I didn't know being a psychic was something you could learn," I state.

"It's not, but anyone can learn body language, I mean those analysis people in the FBI can do it, so why can't you?"

I give her an awkward look, "how do you know about my training?"

"Well, first off I knew your grandpa, and second, just reading you I can tell you've been through a lot, both physically and mentally. I'm guessing he worked you to death."

"Well he-"

"Don't be modest dear, if you saw other hunters I've met, their skills would seem like child's play compared to yours. He worked you hard and for a long time, how old were you?"

"When he started training me? About 7 or 8." I reply. I think she's just trying to be nice, there are tons of hunters that are better than me.

"I'm not trying to be nice, I mean it. There's maybe a dozen other hunters I know that have the same amount of abilities you do, and fewer that use the ones they have correctly."

I talk to Rita for hours, about anything and everything that comes up. For some reason I feel really comfortable around her, which is weird because it takes me a long time to warm up to people, but I just want to hug her and bake her some cookies.

Around 8 at night I finally ask about my family, see if she knows anything.

"I was wondering when you'd ask," she takes In a breath like she's about to tell a long story. I scrunch my legs up on the couch next to me and sip the hot chocolate she made me.

"You come from a very long line of powerful people. And I mean, powerful. I think you are related to some amazons, demons, witches, psychics, monsters, prophets, men of letters members, and of course, a very long line of hunters."

"Ok wait what? What the hell is men of letters and aren't amazons like goddesses? I thought they killed the father of their kid and took it away." This is a head rush, how the hell is it possible to have that much in my blood?

"Well actually, I think the Amazon broke away from tradition and took the baby, then raised it and eventually the Amazon blood thinned over generations. So don't worry, I don't think you have any weird powers of theirs," Rita assures me.

"I still don't understand why this demon- Mindy- is after me, she says it's because of my family and because she thinks I'll get in the way of plans she has or something."

"I don't understand either, but honestly, who wouldn't be threatened by a hunter with all that history behind her name? With that kind of blood you're bound to be powerful."

"But why did she kill my parents and my grandma and-" I start but she interrupts me.

"Maybe these plans she's talking about have something directly to do with your family, a contract or something," she guesses and sets her coffee cup on the table.

I look at the time on my phone, it's almost 9, if I want to get home I need to leave and start on the two hour drive. I look at Rita, not sure how to politely say I need to leave.

"It's alright, I understand, just keep in touch with me okay sweetie?" She hugs me and walks me out the door.

I walk out to the street and she calls out from the door, "I want you to have this!" She tosses me a bracelet and I catch it in my hand, "just to keep me with you, I'll protect you even when I'm not there."

"Thanks Rita!" I call out and get into my car. She walks back into her shop and I examine the bracelet. It's a thin purple material and has beads with markings I don't recognize, I'll ask her about them next time I talk to her. I put the bracelet on my right wrist and start the car.

While driving down the highway I keep one hand on the wheel and play with a bracelet with my other hand. There's barely any other cars driving at this time so I go over the speed limit at about 90 mph. I drive some more and a car finally appears in front of me. They get over to the left lane and I speed up to pass them. But when I'm right next to them, they speed up too. I look over to some guy about my age smiling like a crazy person.

Nobody is around, so if he wants to race, then why not?

I slam my foot on the gas and get ahead of him. He catches up and starts driving closer to me. I try to speed away again, but he keeps up to my pace. Every second I get closer to falling off the shoulder into a ditch. I start honking my horn at him, but he smiles again and his eyes go black. I should've known better. I slam my car into his to get a spot on the road. No matter how much I try to speed away, he manages to keep up. The only option left is to slow down. I wait for the right moment and take my foot off the pedal, leaving him to keep going while I fall back.

He does half a donut and his car faces mine. I don't back off the gas and keep going forward. He starts driving towards me too. Looks like he wants to play chicken. I'll just drive straight at him until the last minute then swerve out of the way. My heart races more and more the closer I get. I let off the gas a little and get ready to dart out of the way. I turn the wheel as fast as I can but its like he read my mind and swerves his car into mine, crashing into the side of the front hood. My air bag goes out and I try to get control of the car. Before I know it, my car rolls into the ditch at the side of the highway.

I open my eyes and everything is upside down. I unbuckle my seat belt and crawl through the shattered drivers side window.

"Man, that was fun." A man's voice says, I look up and its the demon I was racing. Ha, I guess he's a speed demon.

"It'll be even more fun when I send you back to hell," I spit, standing up.

"It'll be pretty hard to exorcise yourself don't you think?" He asks, walking towards me.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Just then he opens his mouth to release a black cloud.

"Shit." I say and try to run while feeling for my anti possession necklace. I don't make it even two feet before I lose control of my own body and feel someone else in my head.

The demon walks my body into the roadhouse. It's late, and there's barely anyone there. It sits me down on one of the stools of the bar and waits there. Finally, Jo walks out from the back and looks surprised to see anyone.

"Hey Grayson, didn't think I'd see you here, do you need something?" She asks while drying out some cups with a rag.

The demon reaches into my belt for a pistol very slowly and replies, "yeah actually," he pulls it out to aim at her, "I want to see you dead."

Jo is startled and backs away, "what are you-"

In my voice, the demon cuts her off, "where's that bitch mother of yours?"

A gun clicks behind my possessed body. Ellen. "Right here. Now you put that gun down or I will shoot." They can't tell I'm possessed and watching everything, not able to stop it.

Quickly, my body turns and the handle of the pistol hits Ellen in the forehead, leaving a trace of blood in her hairline. I--the demon--hits her in the temple this time, knocking her out.

She turns her attention back to Jo, who is still unarmed behind the counter.

"Well now that she's out of the way-" the demon starts but is cut off by Jo.

"What do you want? I thought you were a hunter."

"I am. But just because we have similar jobs doesn't mean I have to like you. Ha! You'd be lucky if you're alive when I walk out of here." It states and aims the gun lower. She shoots her in the foot.

"OW YOU BITCH!" Jo yells and falls to the ground. It walks behind the bar to stand above her.

"Night night." She says and hits her with the gun like she did to Ellen.

The demon ties Ellen and Jo up to chairs with some chains. She paces around, waiting for them to wake up on their own. When they start waking, she sits down in a chair right in front of them, elbows on knees and hands on cheeks.

"I don't get it, why are you doing this?" Ellen asks. Speed Demon just laughs in her face.

"Because I can." It states simply, stealing my voice.

"You bitch, when someone finds out there's gonna be-" Jo starts.

"Gonna be what? You think I can't handle some amateur hunters? I'm in the big leagues and you're just some bitches who run a bar to serve the weak hunters I can kill with my bare hands." The words come out menacing, the demonic personality showing through.

"What about those boys you were just hunting with? The Winchester boys, Sam and Dean. Or Bobby Singer, Rachel Lance, I can list off a lot of hunters who can take you on, hon," Ellen states with a straight face, looking me dead in the eyes.

Speed Demon smiles, "listen, if you want to call them, fine. You'll be dead by the time anyone comes."

It pulls out my cellphone and calls Bobby. It rings a few times but then someone on the other end picks up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bobby, it's Grayson, I have Ellen and Jo with me and they want to talk to you." He puts the phone to Ellen's ear after turning it to speaker.

"Bobby. We need help now, we're tied up and we aren't getting out anytime soon- just- " The demon pulls the phone away and speaks to Bobby.

"So if you wanna come, were at the roadhouse, don't be long, I don't plan on staying too late." My voice states over the phone and hangs up.

"Grayson, I just don't understand why you're doing this," Ellen says, trying to look me in the eyes, not knowing that when she looks into my eyes a demon is staring back at her.

"Ellen Harvelle," My body says, then turns her head to Jo, "and Jo Harvelle. Maybe you don't understand because you're incompetent, but there's not a reason for everything."

"What are you going to do to us?" Jo asks, putting on a tough face. I feel my mouth grin wickedly.

"I'm gonna torture you a bit, maybe tell you some stories and leave your bodies here before anyone can catch me," he states, twirling a knife in my hand.

He takes the knife and holds it to Jo's throat, "or how about I just kill you right now?"

"Don't touch her!" Ellen yells and the knife is pulled from Jo's neck.

"Oh, look. Your mommy is coming to the rescue- it's funny because you're both at my mercy right now. What are you going to do Ellen? Nag me to death about how disappointed my parents would've been?" Speed Demon asks.

She walks to stand in front of Ellen, whose eyes are like daggers, "no, but maybe he can."

I feel the demon give a look of confusion as Ellen nods forward. Before my body can turn around, something hits me in the back of the head, making my whole body stumble forward almost landing on Ellen.

The demon turns me to face Bobby. "Glad you could make it. That was fast."

"I was working on something not too far from here," Bobby replies as if having normal conversation.

Without a moments notice, the demon kicks Bobby in the stomach, sending him backwards into a table. He stalks over to him and he raises a gun. My body stops, the demon acting how he thinks I would.

"What happened to that car I gave you? It's not out there," Bobby says.

"Nothing worth telling. Cut the small talk, let's get this over with so I can kill you." Just then Bobby's face gives away that he has an idea of what's going on, or he did the whole time.

"Alright you demonic asshole. Show yourself." Bobby orders and the demon acts confused, but Bobby won't back down.

He drops the act and smiles, making my eyes go black.

"That's what I thought." Bobby says and lowers his gun (thank god) knowing it would be useless and only hurt me.

"Give yourself a clap on the back, these two bitches would've gone forever without knowing," the demon says.

"What are you doing with her? There's no way this is a coincidental possession now is there?" Bobby asks.

The demon smiles again, "Bobby Singer, you just know everything now don't you? Grayson here doesn't even know about that."

"She doesn't need to know. I made a promise and I will keep it." Bobby answers, slowly creeping his way to standing position across from my possessed form.

"Wow. Such a stand up guy. I bet Grayson would love to know you were keeping that from her." Bobby creeps his hand into his back pocket, the demon barely noticing. He pulls out a flask or holy water.

He opens the lid with one hand behind his back and with one, quick and solid movement, the water splashes into my face. The scream hurts Bobby's ears as he goes to get Ellen and Jo free from their bindings. He manages to free Jo first by the time my possessed body recovers from the holy water and lunges at them. Bobby holds her off while Jo works to free her mother.

My hands grasp Bobby's arms and the force throws him to the ground on his back. Speed Demon pins him down with my knees and begins punching him until blood flows from his nose and mouth and covers the lower half of his face. When he starts choking on his own blood, it gets off of him and wipes the blood off of my hands and onto my jeans. He turns to find Ellen free and Jo missing completely.

"Try to let Jo save herself?" The demon mocks with a soft tone, keeping eye contact while moving towards the nearest table.

"Don't worry about her, come on, I can take you." Ellen challenges and the demon can't seem to resist and smiles an asshole smile.

"No problem," It states and picks up one of the chairs by the table and hits Ellen straight over the head with it, knocking her body to the ground limp.

After the blow, something hard hits my body across the back; its Jo with an old shotgun.

Demon boy sits up on my elbows and spits blood before talking, "You sneaky bitch." He wipes the blood off my face with the back of my hand and stands.

"I'll give that one to you, blondie, I didn't see that coming," my voice says gravelly.

"Too bad you won't be able to see that," Jo says and something else knocks my body off balance, Bobby. Jo grabs me and drags me behind the bar, where a devils trap was made. That's where Jo disappeared to.

They try to throw the demon in the circle, but it manages to free my right arm and and connects it to Jo's nose. He gets free and grabs Jo by the back of the neck and slams her head into the bar. He then turns to Bobby, who picked up Jo's shotgun.

"What, did you decide shes not worth saving anymore?" The demon taunts.

"Shooting someone doesn't always mean killing," Bobby replies.

"Do it, then. Make her feel pain, you're just making my job easier," the demon says with a smug smile.

"What job?"

"Well, its obvious that you know about Grayson's situation here. You know demons killing off her whole family, Mindy coming to finally end the bloodline. Shes my boss, and my job is to make Grayson suffer as much as possible before she comes for her," the demon explains.

"This has gone on long enough, your boss already took more than she bargained for. Daniel told me that much," Bobby spits.

"Are you really surprised that demons betrayed your friends family?" In one swift movement the demon kicks the shotgun out of Bobby's grip and then kicks him in the stomach.

"Well this has been fun, but I have to get going," Speed Demon says to the three hunters binded to a pole.

"Just wait, someone will find out I'm gone and will come after you and send your ass back to hell!" Bobby yells.

"Hunters come here all the time, someone will find us later and it won't be hard to find you," Ellen adds.

My demon just laughs and stares at them, "well that's the plan. I was actually thinking about going to your house Bobby."

"What could you possibly want to go to my house for?!"

"See, I'm a curious little demon and I want to see all the skeletons in your closet."

There's a beeping noise and the demon pulls my phone out of my pocket, "Look at that! Its time for me to go, bye bye!" the demon says and leaves the Roadhouse in my body.

After hearing the engine of a car roar away, Jo starts wiggling around to get out.

"What are you doing Jo?" Ellen asks.

"She left my phone in my pocket, I can feel it."

"The one closest to me?" Ellen asks.

"Yeah." Ellen reaches her tied hands towards Jo back pocket. She gets the phone and dials then puts it on speaker.

The demon uses my body to look around Bobby's house for the next couple hours. At one point it stops in front of a mirror to look at the person its occupying.

"It would be a shame if this meatsuit was wasted on another demon..if anything you should be grateful, not all demons keep their bodies this nice for so long," it says, knowing I can hear.

"Thanks for being such a nice demon," a voice says and it turns to find Bobby standing there with a gun aimed at him.

"Wanna shoot? Go ahead!"

"I bet Grayson will be so happy to find out you were keeping secrets from her and that you put a hole through her chest!"

"Who said I was going to shoot?" Bobby asks and swiftly slides to the side and Ellen comes from behind him and splashes holy water on me. My body let out a shriek in an unhuman way, and the water sizzles on my skin and burns the demon inside. Ellen keeps throwing more on whenever the previous throw wears off. Bobby yells for Jo, and she comes with another jug of holy water. Bobby pulls out some spray paint and starts drawing a devils trap on the wood floor.

Ellen begins running out of water and Jo comes closer to her mother and starts splashing the water in the my direction.

"STOP!" it screams, "I CAN KILL HER RIGHT NOW IF YOU DON'T STOP!"

Jo hesitates at this, giving the demon the opportunity it was looking for. It smacks the jug of water out of her hands and knocks her to the floor with a solid punch to the jaw.

"JO!" Ellen yells and starts towards her daughter.

Bobby grabs her by the arm to stop her, "finish the trap and I'll hold her off."

Ellen nods and takes the can of paint. Bobby stands between my body and Ellen.

"Just another old man trying to hold her back. How ironic is that?" the demon asks, playing.

"How ironic is what?" Bobby asks sourly.

"Well, I've been digging around in Grayson's head and it looks like she finally felt safe and that she wouldn't have to worry about liars once old Gramps died. Little did she know, a hunter that seemed so trustworthy was keeping secrets for him," it laughs.

"I was protecting her, it would've been even worse if she knew."

"She went to a psychic you know, one of her moms old friends. Even she didn't know--or just wouldn't tell."

Ellen finishes the trap and looks at Jo knocked out on the floor.

"Shes not dead, Harvelle," The demon states and looks past Bobby at her, "so you can stop making that ugly face."

Bobby lunges at me and knocks me to the ground. My possessed body lands beneath him. While Bobby holds me down, Ellen dashes across the room to grab the nearly empty jug of holy water. She douses me and then as the demon screams in pain, Bobby throws me into the Devils trap.

Bobby begins chanting in Latin and Ellen goes to Jo's side. My body shakes as the demon fights being evicted. At this point the demon yells anything to make Bobby stop, but he doesn't. Black smoke rises out of my mouth and leaves the house.

And my body falls to the floor.

I wake up feeling sore and tired and on someone's couch. I didn't realize how exhausting it was to be possessed. I sit up and recognize whose house I'm in--Bobby Singer's.

"Grayson?" Bobby asks.

"I'm awake," I reply and move the blanket off of my legs and go to the kitchen where Ellen and Jo are with Bobby.

"How are ya feelin?" Ellen asks.

"Sore. Tired. And a little mad." I say and cross my arms to glare at Bobby.

"What are you looking at me like that for?" Bobby asks, but I have a feeling he might know what I'm talking about.

"I might've forgotten most of it, but I think I heard some stuff I wasn't supposed to. How could you not tell me that you knew what was happening to me?"

Ellen and Jo walk out of the room and leave Bobby and I alone.

"Your grandpa thought it was the best way to protect you, and I agreed with him."

"Are you kidding me?! How in the hell would that protect me?!" I yell.

"The less you knew, the easier it kept you hidden from that demon."

"Oh that's bullshit. There is nothing worse than ignorance, and that's what you made me: ignorant. Maybe if I knew what was going on, I could've done something about it!"

"There's nothing you could've-"

"I'm not even talking about grandpa, I'm talking about everyone! MY PARENTS. MY GRANDMOTHER. NINA. CAMERON. AND WHO KNOWS WHO DIED BECAUSE THEY WERE CLOSE TO ME! SO YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO HIDE THIS FROM ME!"

"Fine," he says and backs up to lean on the counter, "A long time ago, one of your ancestors a few generations back made a deal."

A shiver runs across my body and it must've been visible, since he stops. I nod to let him continue the story.

"Well, he made a deal, not some crossroads deal. A big one. He wanted to make the strongest and best of hunters, he wanted to mix in psychics, witches, Amazons, and anything else to make the perfect hunter; he basically asked for all the strengths of those things to go to his family, but without the monstrosities that came with it."

"I saw my moms friend Rita right before that bastard possessed me, she said that those kinds of people were all in my family."

"See, he wanted his family to be successful, but not necessarily himself. The demon that gave him the deal made it so that his kids and their kids would marry someone that wasn't the average hunter. I think his son married a witch, so his grandson could do magic, but wasn't fully a monster that others would hunt. That just kept repeating with different creatures."

"But I don't see how that would affect me that much, if it was only on one parents side," I add.

"That's another thing, one part of the deal was that one half of the family would be that way,and the other would be pure bred hunters, so that one day there will be an ultimate hunter at the end of the two lines. But you're --however many greats-- grandpa was stupid, and didn't really listen or didn't care about the demons conditions," Bobby explains, "That demon made it so that he could kill everyone involved with no problem."

"So what, he made a deal to make our family great, just so they can die whenever?" I ask.

"Well, your grandparents on your moms side managed to stay safe for a while, but as you know, it didn't last that long. Daniel told me all this when he thought they were coming after you two."

"Wait so I'm supposed to be some sort of super hunter?"

"That's what Daniel thought, since he married a medium, and then his daughter married the son of all that monster lineage."

I don't even know how to process this. So I'm some sort of demon made super hunter that my ancestor got my whole family killed for? I go to sit back on the couch, almost out of breath from all this new information that was with Bobby this whole time.

"So what about Mindy? Is she the demon that made the deal? Is that why she wants to kill me?"

"No. She just works for the demon that did it."

"Well if his deal was to make-- to make me, then shouldn't I be able to live?"

"That's the complicated part, Daniel knew that the two bloodlines finally met to make you, but he didn't know what was supposed to happen after that."

"That doesn't explain why this Mindy chick is gunning for me, why can't I live? Cant they just let me live since they reached the end of it?"

"My guess is that you're a threat. That demon went through quite a bit for one deal, too much to just get to kill all those people. He must have something else that he wants."

I run my hand through my hair, my head spinning. Just then Jo enters.

"Yeah, he wants her dead," Jo says, and looks at me, "and hes going to kill everyone that gets in the way."

#spn #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic #spn fandom #dean winchester #sam winchester #spn imagine #spn imagines #bobby singer #ellen and jo #graysonpuzzle #chapter four

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forlawfirmsonlymarketing · 5 years ago

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Google Update November 2019 via @martinibuster

There is substantial evidence that an unannounced Google Update is underway. This update has been affecting sites across a wide range of niches. Most of the feedback is negative although there are winners mixed in, including winners in the spam community.

Impact Felt Across Many Industries

Forensic SEO expert Alan Bleiweiss (@AlanBleiweiss) noted in a tweet how this update affected a plurality of industries. He tweeted:

“I monitor 47 sites

Mental Health Knowledge base & Directory – up 20%

Travel booking – up 14%

Travel booking – up 25%

Recipes – up 12%

B to C eCom – up 20%

Tech news – down 20%

Skin care affiliate – down 48%

Alternative health – not impacted

Other Recipe sites – not impacted”

Note: The double listing for travel sites is not a typo. It’s a reference to two travel sites.

Recipe Bloggers Report Update Effects

Google does not target specific niches. The recipe blogger niche is a highly organized community. Because of that when something big happens the community’s voice will be amplified. Thus it was that the recipe blogger community noticed this update. As of earlier today there was a growing list of 47 recipe blogs that had reported losses from this update. Casey Markee of MediaWyse (@MediaWyse) who specializes in food blog SEO said this about those 47 sites that were suffering from Google’s November 2019 update:

“All of them, big sites, small sites, medium sites, all are showing like 30%+ drops. I know it’s tough on bloggers to see drops and thing “OMG I need to make some dramatic changes.” But that’s like throwing darts at a board, blindfolded, in the dark, while underwater. Definitely need to WAIT for more data and until this “update” (or whatever it is) has fully rolled-out.”

I agree, it’s best to wait to hear what Google says about this update. I took a quick look at two of the recipe sites that were lost traffic and both of them had heavy keyword term densities. For example, I extracted the Heading outlines (H1, H2) of both sites and they both were hitting their target keywords hard in every single heading. A keyword density report of two sample pages revealed that the target keywords were being used as high as 5% of all words on the page.

Travel Bloggers

Leslie Harvey of Trips with Tykes (@TripsWithTykes) tweeted:

“Seeing it reported heavily in the travel blog world too – dozens of high traffic travel blogs are significantly down from anecdotes I’m hearing.”

Many First Time Google Update Casualties

A curious note about this update is that there are many publishers reporting that they have never been hit by a previous update and are surprised to have finally been hit by the November 2019 Google update. As a representative example, one publisher tweeted:

“I’m down 25% organic in the last two days. I’ve seen positive impacts from every previous algo update.”

Jim @ UncoveringPA (@UncoveringPA) tweeted:

“Definitely frustrating. First time I’ve ever gotten a big hit from a Google update. Down 20-25%. For my local site, it seems mostly that more official sites got boosted over mine, even though mine has better and more in depth content.”

Facebook-Hat Observations

A member of the private SEO Signals Lab Facebook group had a similar experience. As an example, a Facebook member stated that his seven year old site that’s been in the top three for years suddenly dropped to page two and three. Perhaps of interest or maybe not, this member reported having used content analysis software to analyze the SERPs to understand the kind of words are ranking for queries. Regardless if that’s a clue or not, this is another person out of many who reported having never suffered from a previous Google update and are now having a difficult time with this update. Another Facebook member reported a 20% change in traffic but with little change in keyword positions. That kind of result is sometimes caused by an increase in People Also Ask, Featured Snippets, Carousels, Top Stories and other “helpful” Google features that tend to push organic results down. According to Moz’s Mozcast, the biggest changes has been in the Top Stories, with a spike beginning on November 5th, 2019 that peaked on Thursday November 7th, when evidence of an update was beginning to surge.

Could that be causing some of the traffic declines? It’s hard to say, these are the first days of the update and information is still trickling in. In general, there are more people reporting ranking losses than increases in the SEO Signals Labs group. And on Twitter there are many reporting losses, far more than winners.

Gray Hat Update Experience

Members of the self-described “gray hat” Proper SEO Facebook group are generally positive. This group is focused on Private Blog Network (PBN) links. The Admin of the group posted an Accuranker graph showing that all his keywords were on a steep upward trajectory, with one member saying his graph resembled a hockey stick. Another member remarked that he was having a week to week improvement in sales on the order of 30%, with Friday tracking at a 70% improvement. Several members noted that there have been huge gains in Google Local changes. Overall, the gray hats are responding more positive than negative.

Black Hat Update Reaction

Over at the Black Hat World forums members are discussing dramatic changes to their rankings. Some are reporting losses as high as 40%. A few however are reporting improvements from Google’s November update. According to one member: “There must be something going on, I’ve seen 2 people on amazon affiliate forum stating that their traffic took a huge nose dive. Mine is up 30% yesterday and today.” While in another discussion a black hat member commented:

“Just today I saw massive improvements finally… “

No-Hat SEO Observations on Google Update

Over on WebmasterWorld Forums, members started noticing changes on Wednesday November 6th . One member noted on Thursday that they hadn’t seen conversions in 24 hours. Another member noted:

“I’m seeing serps filled with malware and sneaky redirects from .cf .tk .ml .gq .ga domains. Google can’t tell apart anymore a legitimate site and a spam site. This is serious. The anti-spam team lost the battle.”

That observation seems to affirm the positive reports seen in black hat and gray hat communities. Member Paperchaser said:

“Entertainment industry here, I see lot of movement on my end, lot of sites losing their ranking heavily and couple hours later everything gets back to where they were.”

Fishing Hat SEO Reaction to Update

Someone asked me if I’m a white hat SEO. My response was that I’m more of a camo fishing hat type of SEO. In other words, I color within the lines while doing what needs to be done to get results. That means understanding what Google is trying to accomplish and working within those parameters. It’s not about “tricking” Google. It’s about knowing the lines and coloring within those lines. It’s also about being critical of SEO information that is unsupported by any kind of Google research or patents. For example, for the past year there has been a line of thought that it’s important to add author bios to websites. That’s been debunked by Googlers like John Mueller. There have been numerous responses to recent updates that have proven false because they were based on poor sources of information or poor reasoning. Thus, many of today’s poor observations such as:

The advice that to build an authors page

Advice to display expert accreditation on the site

The advice to improve E-A-T (Google’s confirmed there is no E-A-T ranking factor)

All of that advice have been debunked by Gary Illyes and John Mueller. That poor advice came from using Google’s Search Quality Raters Guidelines as a way to understand Google’s algorithm. The Search Quality Raters Guidelines can be used to set goals for what a website can be and from those goals one can create strategies to achieve those high standards. But that document was never a road map of Google’s algorithm. It was a road map for how to rate a website. That’s all. Two different things. But that document is useless for trying to understand why a site is no longer ranking because there are no ranking secrets in the Search Quality Raters Guidelines.

Google Does Not Target Individual Niches

Google rarely targets an industry. In the past some SEOs promoted the idea that Google was targeting medical sites. They were wrong and now we are stuck with the ineptly named Medic Update to remind the SEO industry that Google does not target specific industries.

Google is Not Targeting Recipe Blogs

Anyone who says that Google is targeting the recipe blogs is wrong. This update has affected publishers from all niches. It’s a broad update that affects a wide range of site topics.

Takeaway About Google’s November Update

The point then is to wait until we hear from Google. Most of the past updates have focused on relevance through understanding user queries better, understanding what web pages are about, and understanding the link signal better. It could be that Google is rolling out a combination of changes related to content, queries and backlinks. That’s a safe bet… but at this point, but we simply don’t know. To say that Google is targeting specific kinds of sites or types of content is to skate on thin ice.

https://www.businesscreatorplus.com/google-update-november-2019-via-martinibuster/

#googlesearchranking #localseo #onlinemarketing #dailydoseofmarketing

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mattmalpeli · 8 years ago

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Revenge of the Besieged Clickservative

When The Soviet Union collapsed a day after Christmas 1991, America’s conservatives felt utterly vindicated. Reagan’s posturing had secured “freedom” for eastern Europeans and the left’s big project had disintegrated in a puff of people power. The time of the market fundamentalists had come at last.

Nevermind that Gorbachev’s reforms and commitment to openness had done all the work. Nevermind that Karl Marx’s political economic framework demanded the disintegration of the state and not the imposition of totalitarian bureaucratic hierarchy. Reagan’s speech at the wall had done the heavy lifting, or so they evangelised. Saint Reagan was soon canonized and, despite his obvious descent into Alzheimer’s and senility in his second term, they committed to milking the legend from that day on. Let freedom ring out in the form of low taxes and diminishing regulatory oversight. Except for the plebs. They’re going to pay for everything, and when the inevitable crises occur, they’ll pay for the missteps of the rich too. Socialism for Donald Trump, Dickensian capitalism for the rest of us. Smelling the writing on the wall, the right wing of traditional workers parties took the initiative and joined the neoliberal sing-a-long. Abandoning their base, Bill Clinton, Tony Blair, Paul Keating, Jean Chrétien et al set off on the path to establishing the interest rate lever as the undisputed brake and accelerator of the globalising economy, banishing Keynes to the economic wilderness. Corporate privilege treaties were sold as “free trade agreements” and slowly but surely the working class was consigned to irrelevance. Seeing no way of differentiating itself on economics, the right set about turning the political discourse to culture. Without the communist menace to frighten suburbanites with and with growing disquiet amongst social conservatives at the noisy LGBT liberation movement, they found new boogeymen to shriek against. Political correctness was false flagged as an attack on free speech (when it was just a social understanding that to be a dick towards vulnerable minorities was no longer polite conversation), while the specter of a “Cultural Marxist” conspiracy lurking in liberal arts departments, complete with anti-Semitic foreign invader alarmism, formed the bedrock of the new opposition rhetoric. They managed to concoct a framework that used the language of enlightenment and conscience to deceive the electorate that they were in fact protecting them. From non-existent terrors. Now, this framework has spiralled completely out of control of the conservative establishment. It has evolved into a full on paranoid political insanity that casts all threats to US capital interests as a function of a hidden elite, a socialist globalist paedophile racket of pure evil. I assure you, this is what they really believe. The delusion festering at the heart of Western right wing discourse can be summed up thusly;

“Scientists around the world have joined with environmentalists, cultural Marxist college professors, and Islamic militants in a vast conspiracy to bring down righteous Western capitalism through nonsense notions of equality, while scooping up Christian children for elite financial pederasts and fooling idiot liberals with elementary school science mistakes that a handful of contrarians have discovered and exposed, putting their careers on the line to heroically protect our freedoms.”

As conspiracy theories go, it’s right up there with the secret invasion of Earth by alien lizard people. The conservative safe space social media platform Gab.ai is packed full of clickbait for clickservatives. Every objection to its legitimacy is met with hostility, accusations of conspiring with evil doers, of being a cuck, of being in the headlights of Hollywood stardom, of Al Gorism. Capitalism just needs to be freed from regulation, with taxes on the mighty extinguished and everything will be perfect again. Like during the robber baron era. Ummm... The problem of course is that after three and a half decades of neoliberalism, on just about every metric, the system is now working against everyone except the super wealthy and a miniscule number of their professional enablers. The GFC, as pointed out by political economist Mark Blyth, was capitalism’s comeuppance, but a disease where the symptoms have been insufficiently treated and the cause is left to produce new, more toxic symptoms. As the malaise of corporate capitalism has manifested, the right has dug into its market fundamentalism with a new indignation that is hateful and bigoted. There will be no justice for anyone who can’t afford it! "Shut your mouth social justice warrior, the bullies are back in charge!” Meanwhile the poor people of the Islamic world, long suppressed under despotic military dictators and absolute monarchies, which have spread a vile Wahhabist militancy to even the gentler, confrontation averse people of the Indonesian and southern Philippine archipelagos, are now facing the full brunt of two far right demagogues, Putin and Trump. This, after having only recently shown there’s a revolutionary Arab, mostly left secular, spirit ready to stand up to tyrants. But they’re all baby rapists with an agenda to enact Sharia law from Birmingham to Brussels, didn’t you know? “Regressive leftie!” The commodities that most Muslims can derive an income and future from are powering the greatest threats to the long term survivability of civilisation too. Climate change through the burning of fossil fuels, and biodiversity loss from palm oil plantations. But when you throw your hands up and say “it’s Allah’s will”, concentrating only on getting into the afterlife, you play right into Western capitalist hands. ”IT’S NOT HAPPENING! Climate change is a lie to raise taxes!!!” Now Trump’s support base is wondering wtf happened to Trump’s promises? He filled his cabinet with Wall St insiders, backed a hideous healthcare plan, and his anti-immigration directives have been met with unmoving judicial resistance. His agenda is fragmented and failing. His inexperience telling. Now, his posturing with North Korea, Syria, Russia, and China could easily lead to World War 3. If conservatives had made a Saint out of Major General Smedley Butler of “War is a Racket” fame, all of this would be unthinkable. But hey, at least he got the pipelines up and running and the climate change restrictions lifted, right? Hooray! No more generating your own power from a source that can’t be commodified! The democratisation of energy has been suppressed a long time, but now it’s being rubbed out. The madness of market fundamentalism that unravelled in 2008 is doing to 2017 what laissez faire capitalism did to 1929 and 1939. Our future looks bleak and it is entirely the right wing’s fault. This can no longer be disputed with a straight face. Meanwhile the left is being castrated under the deadend of identity politics. We’ve been mustered into a “market society”, one where the behaviour of an idealised economic rational man and his egotism represents the only way of getting ahead and staying there. Selfishness and cold calculation are rewarded and if you speak out against it you’re labeled a heretic, or in the nomenclature of the new conservative “revolutionaries” the alt-right, a cuck. Cooperation, collectivism, empathy, these have been banished from the negotiating table. Ecology be damned. Classical economics WILL be vindicated, by force if necessary. The cognitive dissonance on the right is deafening now. Check out the comments section of any YouTube video concerning climate change, if you dare. The vitriol is spine tingling. Cultural Marxists! Cultural Marxists everywhere! But into this caustic and fragile environment has come a very welcome economic theory of everything. Called “Doughnut economics”, Kate Raworth (obviously a secret Marxist lesbian with ties to Al Gore and Hillary Clinton), has poured cold water on a couple of centuries of economic rationalism, providing us with a new Keynesianesque vision of economics that lives within the planet’s means. I know, frightening huh? What will happen to straight white men’s milk and cookies? The right will no doubt explode in indignation as it climbs its way up the Amazon book charts (7th with a bullet at the time of this writing). “FREEDOM!” is the cry they will attempt to deceive us with. Don’t believe them. They want tyranny. Orders from above and lemmings down below. They will drive us towards chaos and civilisation’s collapse. Of this I am certain.

#conservatism #trump north korea #doughnut economics climate change

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cyberman128 · 4 years ago

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Bartender, gimme an Amazon over Ice 9

What sort of world do we live in where Amazon, founded as an online alternative to brick and mortar bookstores, has opened its own brick and mortar bookstores after putting them all out of business? The ambitions of this juggernaut have turned to another mountain yet unclimbed: internet connectivity. Amazon Sidewalk, a mesh-network service, will go live in just a few days. It provides an alternate pathway for Amazon devices within proximity of one another to gain access to the internet in case of a local connection problem.

The merest mention of Amazon has the possibility of political undertones. A dubious path towards unionization, and poor warehouse conditions, contrast with Amazon’s decent environmental record, and recent stance in favor of marijuana legalization. With its near total domination of the cloud computing marketplace, coupled with strong IOT device offerings, Amazon has technology in it’s blood.

As a shameless critic of Amazon, I cannot understate the effectiveness of this company. There’s a reason Amazon has done so well on so many fronts: I mean, clearly they’re doing something right. Amazon Sidewalk should be no exception, and on June 7th 2021, unless you opt out, your Amazon devices will be automatically enrolled in this mesh-network. So what is a mesh-network? In simple terms, it’s something like Apple’s Airdrop, only instead of sending memes to your fellow bus travelers, you’re getting a pathway to the internet through their device via a close range, vendor specific connection. Sidewalk turns devices into wifi extenders, providing no connection themselves, only forwarding you down the pipe.

Amazon Sidewalk is a fantastic idea, at least on paper. Security systems, perimeter lights, even voice activated devices like Echo are vital to some people. These devices must always be connected to the internet in order to fully function. After all, if your internet is down, how will your security system send a digital alert to your device if an alarm is tripped? Might not seem like a big deal sitting at your computer drinking coffee, but what if you were out of town? I’d like to know that there’s a backup in place for my security system in case the internet goes down.

Never fear, Amazon Sidewalk is here! Your neighbor, who just so happens to have a Ring doorbell (also owned by Amazon) has an internet connection. With Sidewalk, your devices can reach the glorious interwebs through the Ring doorbell’s short range connection. As per Sidewalk’s terms, a percentage of each device’s available bandwidth is reserved and dedicated to receiving connection requests from fellow Amazon products.

Sidewalk faces a number of issues in its life cycle. There may be legal ramifications to using an internet service provider’s connection as an independent connection source. Think stealing power from your neighbor. Free lights for you, they’re stuck with the bill. Sidewalk expands the attack surface of IOT devices and home networks, and finally, this service is opt-out. This creates a perfect storm for attackers with the combination of misconfigured IOT devices, and poorly secured home wireless networks which can be accessed via something as innocent as a security camera.

I’m a practical guy, and I don’t want to be an opponent to progress. Sidewalk is a fantastic idea, but I’d harbor some apprehension at these services even without Amazon’s name in the picture. The idea that your device can be accessed by another device in an informalized manner has poor security undertones.

With more companies diversifying into tech, the future is increasingly unclear as to the cyber threat landscape. Cyber attacks have been well documented, inhibiting blue collar workers as much as their white collar counterparts. The Colonial Pipeline incident, and the recent attack on JBS meat packers are only 2 of a great many examples. Amazon, the online retailer and technology company, also maintains an incredibly far reaching and efficient package delivery service. If Amazon is wound into every aspect of our lives (remember the physical stores too), without proper vendor diversity, we risk the population falling sick to one disease due to lack of variation and resilience.

We live in a world with inconsistent technological adoption. Technology transcends industries and lives, but it does not yet encapsulate them. There are workarounds, hold outs, late adapters and infinite configurations of technologies and systems in our very real world that need patching, translating, or modification to sync up. Soon, technology may become so seamless within our lives there is no way to avoid coming into contact with a particular product or brand. Thankfully, we’re not there yet.

In my opinion, we as a society have already placed too many eggs in Amazon’s basket. If every Amazon device is connected to other nearby Amazon devices, a single security incident could wreck all associated infrastructure from top to bottom simultaneously. Imagine a driver, maybe a few years in the future. He wears augmented reality contact lenses and carries a cell phone. His electric truck is controlled by an inhouse operating system and also connects to the internet. He delivers a variety of products using a map app, coordinating with his coworkers through yet another app. All of the products, in every aspect from production, to software, to connectivity are controlled by Amazon. And what if none of this will work properly because it got infected via a compromised Echo in a suburban cul-de-sac somewhere in America?

What’s next? Will Amazon make smart earbuds, phones, start a cellphone service, or be an internet service provider? These aren’t crazy questions. Amazon, and by Amazon I mean Jeff Bezos, can literally do whatever they/he want.

There have been several notable AWS blackouts over the years. Usually they involve one particular AWS region and are not widespread. These blackouts don’t last long, and have not adversely affected digital life as we know it for longer than an afternoon. So far that is... There’s a timer on this situation, and Sidewalk is a notch towards its completion. Nothing is too big to fail. More disturbing still, Amazon’s official reaction to the most recent blackout was tepid and uninspiring to say the least. Whether this was a cyber attack, a mistake, or some kind of failure, technical or otherwise, is unknown. All we got was a very corporate ‘We are working toward resolution.’ I think Kurt Vonnegut would have something to say about this. After all, just 1 piece of Ice 9 into the ocean, the whole world freezes. Let’s hope nobody's preparing to hold Amazon hostage with a piece of digital Ice 9.

With so many devices involved in this Sidewalk technology, and due to the sheer size of Amazon, security is paramount. Lack of vigilance in configuration and patching, coupled with future compatibility issues open up a swath of potential issues to contend with for security workers. Also, Sidewalk increases the attack surface for a small, and questionable gain. If any other company created Sidewalk, maybe it wouldn’t be news-worthy. However, anything Amazon does is newsworthy. I say, political opinions aside, never trust one company for everything. The question remains: am I disabling Sidewalk on my personal Amazon devices? Easy answer: I’d be sure to opt-out, if only I owned anything from Amazon.

#cybersecurity #amazon #sidewalk #amazon sidewalk #security

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ukimmigrationmatters · 4 years ago

Video

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Three reasons why the richest family in the UK have kept their wealth intact for 300 years

On 9 August 2016, 25-year-old Hugh Richard Louis Grosvenor became the billionaire 7th Duke of Westminster, when his father, Gerald Grosvenor, suddenly died of a heart attack aged 64.

The Duke and his family are estimated to be worth at least £10.1 billion (US$13 billion), according to the Sunday Times Rich List in May 2019. The exact amount of wealth is difficult to estimate, since most of it is held in trusts.

The current Duke is the world's richest person aged under 30. Other families appear higher on the Sunday Times list, but privately held property is undervalued compared to company shares on the stock market, and very few people have stayed in the top 10 as long as the Dukes of Westminster.

How have this extraordinary family maintained their vast wealth, passing down through the generations for 300 years? As the Chinese say, most family fortunes disappear after only three generations.

The first reason is smart tax planning.

If the Grosvenor estate been bequeathed directly to the young Duke, he would been liable for 40% inheritance tax, not far off the Treasury’s death duty take for the last financial year. Inheritance tax (IHT) usually involves selling off assets in order to pay the tax, which would wipe out the fortune within a few generations.

Hugh Grosvenor, like his father, legally avoided a massive amount of tax on his £10bn inheritance because the majority of assets within the estate are held in trusts.

UK trust law ensures the survival of many of the country’s largest fortunes, while less wealthy people and increasing the middle classes are forced to sell off family homes to cover IHT demands.

The second reason their wealth is still growing for centuries is the use of leases.

The Grosvenor Estate’s assets includes a privately owned property business which has £11.8bn of prime property under management. The 300-year-old London property business started in 1677 with 500 acres of then rural land covering much of Mayfair and almost all of Belgravia – adjacent to Buckingham Palace and the home of Harrods in exclusive Knightsbridge.

Grosvenor’s international property portfolio range from office space in Silicon Valley, a science park in Edinburgh and the freehold on the current US embassy in Grosvenor Square. Perhaps the most famous and exclusive streets in the empire is Eaton Square, built close to the Houses of Parliament during the housing boom after the Napoleonic wars.

There was recently a listing on Rightmove for a flat in Eaton Square for only £600,000. I thought, wow, that’s a bargain for an exclusive address in Knightsbridge. Alas, I looked closer I discovered that it was not such a bargain because the remaining lease was only 5 years.

The key to keeping hold of their assets is the use of leasehold titles, which means the freeholds eventually comes back to the family.

The final factor for keeping wealth together, and perhaps the most important, is that the family take the long view and employ long term planning.

Whilst most people plan to leave a legacy for their children or grandchildren, the Grosvenors, and other super wealthy families like the Rothchild’s or Rockefellers, think several generations ahead and have a wealth preservation strategy.

The previous Duke saw himself as the custodian of the family fortune and struggled with the burden of keeping it all together. The responsibility even led to his depression.

The fact that the business is largely made up of investment property from residential to some of the biggest farms in Britain is obviously a major factor compared to a family business which can go out of fashion or fail to adapt to changes. However, thousands of property businesses have gone by the wayside and the UK is littered with country estates now owned by the National Trust because the once wealthy aristocratic families could no longer afford to maintain them.

Summary

3 factors have kept the Grosvenor’s fortune intact:

1. Trusts

2. Tax planning

3. Long term planning

Other articles available at Money Tips Podcast - www.moneytipsdaily.com

· Is the stock market about to crash?

· How will a crash affect your pension?

· House prices rise to reach all time high

· How to avoid bankruptcy in business

· Will demand for HMO rooms rise or fall?

· Is this the end of office work as we know it?

· Home workers one step closer to outsourced

· Why live in expensive town centres anymore?

· Buy-to-let landlords ignore “NO DSS” tenant ban

· Thousands trapped in unsellable leasehold flats

· 2m homeowners apply for mortgage payment holiday

· Government extends ban on landlords evicting tenants

· Self-employed, have you claimed your government grant?

· UK property prices jumped by 3% since June following stamp duty cut

· Why UK Property prices rising after stamp duty cut, despite the downturn?

· New planning rules will open up more opportunities to make money in property

· You can create a second income during the lockdown…and come out stronger

· Learn how to make money from property without deposits, mortgages or cash

Millions of people face a bleak future post-Coronavirus lockdown, as businesses disappear and the job furlough scheme eventually comes to an end. However, life doesn’t have to end because of lockdown! You can join thousands of ordinary people who have increased their income and added streams of new income during this period.

Are you ready to adapt to the new economic model?

As lockdown restrictions around the world are being eased, the economic model has subtly changed forever. How will you adapt to this new way of working and running a business, what obstacles and opportunities lies ahead? Will you be a participant or spectator in this revolution?

By Charles Kelly, Wealth Mentor, Property Investor, Author of Yes, Money Can Buy You Happiness and creator of Money Tips Podcast.

There are more examples and practical steps to getting rich and being happy in my book, Yes, money can buy happiness, I cover the 3 R’s of Money Management, the Money B.E.L.I.E.F System and much more. Check it out on Amazon http://bit.ly/2MoneyBook.

If you’d like further information on wealth mentoring and coaching, how to survive the crisis and even quit the rat race, email me at [email protected] or send me a message through Facebook or my Money Tips Daily community. See more articles at www.moneytipsdaily.com

#tax #trusts #wealth

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templeofgeek · 5 years ago

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Whether you have been into cosplay for years or are just starting out, we all have learned one thing: it can get expensive! However, I am here to remind you that it does not have to cost an arm and a leg to create a cosplay. Doctor Who is my favorite television show, and I have created so many cosplays from it. Here, I will show you a break down of my cosplays, where I got certain pieces, and how I made and put together others.

Print on demand

Finding screen accurate pieces for cosplay can be difficult. It can also get expensive. However, print on demand websites are wonderful. Redubble is a print on demand website where artists’ renderings are applied to shirt, sweaters, dresses, etc. These might not be totally accurate, but they will be extremely close and way less expensive. For example, the striped shirt for the Thirteenth Doctor that I own came from Redbubble.

Thirteenth Doctor cosplay shirt

Ace cosplay shirt from Redbubble

Also, my Ace McShane (companion of the seventh Doctor) cosplay shirt came from Redbubble. The “Ace” patch was found on Etsy, but it does not seem to be available at the moment. This cosplay as a whole was a labor of love.

Ace McShane, played by Sophie Aldred,companion to the 7th Doctor

Maddie’s Ace Cosplay. Photo taken by Monica Duarte

Ace cosplay fabric from Spoonflower, cut into the individual patch pieces

Spoonflower is another great print on demand website. This website is more geared toward specialized fabric designed by artists. Since a lot of the patches couldn’t be found for Ace’s jacket, I checked Spoonflower just for fun. Not expecting anything, I was pleasantly surprised to see there was fabric made by an artist of a few of the patches that cannot be found. On Spoonflower, you can order sample sizes of fabric. This was the perfect size to get the “patches” I needed for Ace.

Redbubble replica shirt based on the Tshirt worn by the 12th Doctor

Redbubble replica shirts based on the Tshirts worn by the 12th Doctor and Rose Tyler

More options for print on demand websites include teepublic and society6. Both of these websites have designs made by different artists that are printed directly onto apparel.

Thrift Store and online consignment stores

Tweed jacket from thrift store for Eleventh Doctor

Thrift stores, secondhand stores, and online consignment stores are a gold mine for cosplay! Most of the coats from the different Doctors can be a bit pricey, but finding an alternate at a thrift store or website works perfectly. My very first cosplay was the Eleventh Doctor, and I found a wonderful tweed jacket there for $7. It was a bit big, but having it fixed (or fixing it yourself!) will still cost you less than buying a screen accurate coat/jacket.

Eleventh Doctor cosplay

Eleventh Doctor, played by Matt Smith

eBay, Depop, and Poshmark are some of my favorite places to find secondhand outfits and pieces that you may not be able to find in a regular store.

Ebay is where I found the bomber jacket for my Ace outfit as well as most of the patches and pins. This is the image I used to identify what was on her jacket. To be honest, a lot of these were either impossible to find or were not in circulation anymore. It was still a fun treasure hunt!

River Song, played by Alex Kingston

River Song Cosplay. Photo taken by Katie York, Gallifrey One 2019

Also, once in a while, eBay (or Depop or Poshmark) will have screen accurate or close to accurate Doctor Who items. I was lucky enough to find Mels/River Song’s Ecote Urban Outfitters screen accurate dress for way less than it was in the stores. However, be mindful of shipping. If you are in the United States and you found something in the U.K., then shipping may bring the price back up.

Bill Potts, played by Pearl Mackie. Companion to the 12th Doctor season 10

Knock-off Bill Potts bomber jacket (front)

Knock-off Bill Potts bomber jacket (back)

There is also an alternate Bill Potts jacket that was circulating eBay that works perfectly. It isn’t TopShop, but who can tell? (See above images)

Clara Oswald, aka “Souffle Girl” from Doctor Who episode “Assylum of the Daleks”

Alternate “Souffle Girl” wedged sneakers from Depop

Depop is an app purely for secondhand clothing items. You can type into the search bar “Clara Doctor Who cosplay,” filter the results to international or national, and find great options. I found Souffle Girl alternate shoes on this app for $12.

DIY Cosplay Projects

Sometimes, making props or pieces for a cosplay can be a little intimidating. It doesn’t have to be, and it does not have to be expensive. Find things at your local discount store that can easily be painted or even cut/molded into what you are looking for. Craft stores have a lot of options for materials that do not cost much at all.

The TARDIS. The time and space ship the Doctor uses to travel.

The TARDIS is one of the most fun “characters” in Doctor Who to cosplay. There is so much you can do with her!

Ballerina TARDIS cosplay. Photo taken by Katie York.

My very first TARDIS cosplay was a ballerina version. I used a blue corset that I had purchased from eBay for a Snow White variant I made a while back. The black Forever21 leggings were in my closet already, and I threw on some black flats. Now, the tutu is an Amazon find. I made the windows out of felt pieces I already had, but felt in general is quite inexpensive, and you do not need much for this. The “St. John’s Ambulance” and “Pull to Open” patches were printed onto iron-on fabric paper and ironed on to more felt. I attached them with sticky pins since safety pins do not work well with the bones of the corset.

Punk Rock TARDIS. Gallifrey One, 2019. Photo taken by Monica Duarte

This is my punk rock TARDIS. Rather than purchase ripped leggings (which are so expensive!) I cut a pair of my own I hadn’t worn in a while. The patches are actually printed out images using iron-on printer paper. Way less expensive and less of a hassle than trying to find or create patches. The flannel and the spike jewelry are from Amazon. Since I did not need to wear the flannel as an actual sweater, the size did not matter to me. Sometimes, sizing on Amazon changes the prices, so I went bigger in order to spend less money. The temporary tattoo that says “Gallifrey” in Circular Gallifreyan was made at home. Amazon also has temporary tattoo printer paper available, so I found the Gallifreyan image on Google and printed it out. (I actually printed several in case it didn’t go on right the first time.)

My 5 year old son was also the TARDIS. His costume is much more simple since it can be hard to keep a small child in cosplay. I used a blue t-shirt from a craft store and iron-on paper to attach the windows and signs. The headband light is a clear plastic cup. By request of my little guy, I used blue sparkly pipe cleaner around the bottom of the cup (top of the light). Then, I used blue felt for the strips down the side. In order to get the cup to stay on the headband, I Gorilla glued a piece of cardboard from an Amazon box to the cup and then to the headband.

Dalek. Evil alien from Doctor Who, first appeared in 1963.

Ravenclaw Dalek cosplay. Photo from Gallifrey One 2018

This Dalek DIY Ravenclaw dress was part of a group at Gallifrey One where we were Hogwarts Houses versions of Daleks. Now, there are a couple of ways out there to make a Dalek dress, but I chose the easiest way possible. The bulbs are Styrofoam spheres cut in half and painted with acrylic paint. I glued them on with Gorilla glue. DISCLAIMER: If you are using Gorilla glue on fabric like this, put a piece of parchment paper in between the front and the back. Otherwise, the dress or shirt will be glue together…I learned this from experience. The belt was an inexpensive Amazon find, and the Ravenclaw patch came from Etsy. The “lights” in my hair were made with plastic jello shot cups glued to a couple of bobby pins. That plunger was from the Dollar Tree, and I painted the handle silver to match my house. See that wand? It’s a chopstick painted black!

Gallifrey One Hogwarts House Dalek group. Photo taken by Katie York

Ace cosplay picture taken by Monica Duarte

The patchwork and pins for my Ace cosplay were all attached by hand. She is by far my most favorite cosplay that I have ever created and pieced together. Sewing patches onto a bomber jacket was not something I was going to attempt, so I used Gorilla glue for most of the patches. Also, Ace does use safety pins to attach quite a few of the patches to the jacket. This made application of a lot of them pretty easy.

Rose Tyler, played by Billie Piper. Companion to the 9th and 10th Doctors until season 3.

This Rose Tyler “Tooth and Claw” outfit uses iron-on patchwork for the shirt. A lot of these designs can be found online, printed out, and then ironed onto your shirt. Iron-on transfer paper can be found at just about an craft store. When in doubt, Amazon!

Download the image below for your own cosplay DIY!

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Closet Cosplay

A lot of Doctor Who costumes can be created by clothing you already have in your closet. You can absolutely create a whole look from “regular” clothes or piece your clothes with purchased and/or created pieces. For example, with my Ace cosplay, I already had the leggings and boots, and I found the skater skirt on clearance from Hot Topic.

9th Doctor, played by Christopher Eccleston

9th Doctor cosplay

The Ninth Doctor is a wonderfully easy closet cosplay. Grab yourself a black jacket, a solid, dark colored shirt (olive, dark red, or dark purple will work), black jeans, and black boots. Will it be perfect? No, but every Doctor Who fan will recognize you!

Purchasing licensed pieces

Jodie Whittaker as The Doctor – Doctor Who _ Season 12, Episode 3 – Photo Credit: Ben Blackall/BBC Studios/BBC America

Photo taken by Monica Duarte, Gallifrey One 2020

Her Universe currently holds the license for current Thirteenth Doctor products. Within this brand, there are pretty-close-to-accurate Thirteenth Doctor pieces. Her blue and pink shirts are both available. You can also find her coat and culottes. Do not be afraid to treat yourself and purchase these pieces! They are high quality and as close to accurate, I believe, that you will get other than spending a fortune on the legitimate pieces. Side note: the culottes and coat from Her Universe do run a little big. The coat is fine, but I did have to alter the culottes so they were a little shorter.

Her Universe coat, culottes, and 13th Doctor top (pink)

The BBC Doctor Who Shop also has so much to choose from. From sonic screwdrivers to socks, this is where a lot of the licensed products can be found. Lovarzi currently holds the license for the Fifth Doctor’s (played by Peter Davidson) official Cricket Sweater.

Ultimately, just have fun! Cosplay is meant to be fun. The word “play” is in the name! Do what works for you. This fun hobby does not need to cost you a fortune. When it comes to Doctor Who cosplay, there is always a way!

For more cosplay guides:

Temple of Geek Chic: Her Universe 13th Doctor Collection

How To Cosplay Grunge & Air Force Captain Marvel

How to Cosplay Allison (The Rumor- #3) from The Umbrella Academy

Corinna’s Chilling Closet Cosplay: Cosplaying Sabrina on a budget

How to Cosplay MJ from Spider-Man: Far From Home

Cosplay on a budget: how to create Doctor Who cosplays #DoctorWho #DoctorWhoCosplay Whether you have been into cosplay for years or are just starting out, we all have learned one thing: it can get expensive!

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dazzledbybooks · 5 years ago

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The first in an fantasy duology inspired by West African folklore in which a grieving crown princess and a desperate refugee find themselves on a collision course to murder each other despite their growing attraction. For Malik, the Solstasia festival is a chance to escape his war-stricken home and start a new life with his sisters in the prosperous desert city of Ziran. But when a vengeful spirit abducts Malik’s younger sister, Nadia, as payment into the city, Malik strikes a fatal deal—kill Karina, Crown Princess of Ziran, for Nadia’s freedom. But Karina has deadly aspirations of her own. Her mother, the Sultana, has been assassinated; her court threatens mutiny; and Solstasia looms like a knife over her neck. Grief-stricken, Karina decides to resurrect her mother through ancient magic . . . requiring the beating heart of a king. And she knows just how to obtain one: by offering her hand in marriage to the victor of the Solstasia competition. When Malik rigs his way into the contest, they are set on a course to destroy each other. But as attraction flares between them and ancient evils stir, will they be able to see their tasks to the death? Links: Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/49629448-a-song-of-wraiths-and-ruin Amazon: https://amzn.to/3bb61Do B&N: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-song-of-wraiths-and-ruin-roseanne-a-brown/1134858719?ean=9780062891495 iTunes: https://books.apple.com/book/a-song-of-wraiths-ruin/id1478613303 Bookdepository: https://www.bookdepository.com/Song-Wraiths-Ruin-Roseanne-Brown/9780062891495?ref=grid-view&qid=1587062543544&sr=1-1 Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/gb/en/ebook/a-song-of-wraiths-and-ruin-1 Google Books: https://play.google.com/store/audiobooks/details/Roseanne_A_Brown_A_Song_of_Wraiths_and_Ruin?id=AQAAAEBs_nG-DM Excerpt: https://aerbook.com/books/A_Song_of_Wraiths_and_Ruin-261829.html?social=1&retail=1&emailcap=0 Review: A Song of Wraiths and Ruin by Roseanne A. Brown is the first book in a new young adult fantasy duology inspired by West African folklore. I was so excited to dive into this book. I have been looking forward to it for months. This book takes a bit to get into at first because there is just so much world building and introduction to the characters and their lives in the beginning. I really liked every second of it. The folklore behind this story is amazing. I really found myself wanting to know more. I think the gods and creatures are very interesting and I look forward to reading the sequel. Let's talk about love. I feel like the "love" or "relationship" between Malik and Karina came across very insta-love. I really wish it had more depth to it. Don't get me wrong I think they would be great together, I just wish we had a bit more of a build up vs jumping right into that relationship. Let me also say that romance doesn't play a huge part in this book. I am not too worried about it either. When it came to the magic system, I do with is was explained a bit more. We get so much explanation of the characters and the world that I felt like the magic system was a bit lacking. It wasn't explained to the reader why magic wasn't common and it wasn't explained why some people randomly get magic. I definitely feel like the magic system is lacking and it leaves the reader with a lot of questions. \ Overall, I really enjoyed this book. I will be participating in a reread starting June 12 with a group of people. Why would I want to read a book I just finished? Sometimes when I liked an ARC so much, I like to reread a finished copy to see if anything changed. Other times, I just really want to reread the book. I look forward to diving into this book again ASAP. Definitely check out A Song of Wraiths and Ruin. Pre-order Campaign: Link to the pre-order submission form: bit.ly/ASOWARCampaign A pre-order/order from any retailer or a request to your local library will get you: * A bookmark! * 2 character cards featuring Karina and Malik! * A limited edition signed bookplate * An exclusive digital fairy tale from the A SONG OF WRAITHS AND RUIN world! An order from indie bookstore Books With a Past will get you: * A bookmark! * 2 character cards featuring Karina and Malik! * A limited edition signed bookplate * An exclusive digital fairy tale from the A SONG OF WRAITHS AND RUIN world! * A handwritten note and personalization from the author! Rules: * You must submit proof of purchase/library request. Screenshots and photos of receipts are fine. * Only orders and library requests dated through June 30, 2020 are eligible * Only orders made through Books With a Past (https://ift.tt/3dLSqUg) will receive the note and personalization. * All swag will be sent out on a rolling basis starting June 2nd * Entrants under the age of 18 must obtain parent/guardian permission before entering About the Author: Roseanne “Rosie” A. Brown was born in Kumasi, Ghana and immigrated to the wild jungles of central Maryland as a child. Writing was her first love, and she knew from a young age that she wanted to use the power of writing—creative and otherwise—to connect the different cultures she called home. She graduated from the University of Maryland with a Bachelor’s in Journalism and was also a teaching assistant for the school’s Jiménez-Porter Writers’ House program. Her journalistic work has been featured by Voice of America among other outlets. On the publishing side of things, she has worked as an editorial intern at Entangled Publishing. Rosie was a 2017 Pitch Wars mentee and 2018 Pitch Wars mentor. Never content to stay in any one place for too long, Rosie currently teaches in Japan, where in her free time she can usually be found exploring the local mountains, explaining memes to her students, or thinking about Star Wars. Links: Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/18395190.Roseanne_A_Brown Website: https://roseanneabrown.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/rosiesrambles Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosiesrambles/?hl=en Giveaway: Prize: Win an ASOWAR bookplate, bookmark, two trading cards, and access to the exclusive short story (INT) Starts: June 2nd 2020 Ends: June 16th 2020 a Rafflecopter giveaway Tour Schedule: http://fantasticflyingbookclub.blogspot.com/2020/04/tour-schedule-song-of-wraiths-and-ruin.html June 2nd The Unofficial Addiction Book Fan Club - Welcome Post June 3rd BookCrushin - Story Behind The Cover + Instagram Moonlight Rendezvous - Review + Favourite Quotes A Dream Within A Dream - Review Small Stained Pages - Review + Playlist + Favourite Quotes Vee Reading - Review Lit lemon books - Review + Favourite Quotes June 4th The Paperback Voyager - Review Colby Wilkens - Review Kait Rose - Review + Favourite Quotes Belle's Archive - Review + Video Interview Sage Shelves - Review SeizeThePage - Review + Playlist Paws and Paperbacks - Review June 5th Bookish Looks - Tell Your Story in GIFs Write, Read, Repeat - Review Books.Bags.Burgers - Review + Favourite Quotes Sometimes Leelynn Reads - Review + Dream Cast Black Bookwyrm Reads - Review Enthralled Bookworm - Review + Mood Board by blogger June 6th A Court of Coffee and Books - Review + Favourite Quotes Utopia State of Mind - Review Morgan Vega - Review + Favourite Quotes Tea.Books.Magic - Review + Instagram Caitsbooks - Review + Favourite Quotes + Mood Board by blogger Books and Ladders - Review June 7th Kait Plus Books - Character Interview Hooked on Bookz - Review + Favourite QuotesBiblioJoJo - Review The Layaway Dragon - Review + Favourite Quotes In Between Book Pages - Review + Favourite Quotes Empty Kingdom - Review + Favourite Quotes + Mood Board by blogger June 8th A Gingerly Review - Mood Board bforbookslut - Review L.M. Durand - Review + Mood Board by blogger Dazzled by Books - ReviewConfessions of a YA Reader - Review + Favourite Quotes The Reading Corner for All - Review

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darcyfarber · 4 years ago

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7 Simple Steps to Creating a Budget to Save $500 Per Month

Did you know that almost 80% of people are living paycheck to paycheck? In fact, since 2006 the paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle has increased every year from 65% in 2006 to almost 80% today.

What if those same people could stop living paycheck to paycheck and actually save money?

The simple fact is those who choose to create a budget and stick to it will not only stop the paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle — they will on average save $500 per month.

Over the next few minutes, I am going to walk you step-by-step in creating a very simple and effective budget. I am also going to give you a free budget tool to use and show you how to use it.

Now, let’s start with step one.

WATCH NOW to see step-by-step how to create your own budget, including the free budgeting forms so you can get started today.

Step 1: Go Back 90 Days

As the saying goes; what gets measured gets managed. The first step is to determine exactly what your money has been doing before you can tell it what to do.

You are going to print all bank statements for the past 90 days (three months).

If you only use a checking account and a debit card, then you will only be printing three monthly statements.

However, if you use a credit card (or multiple credit cards), you will need to print off 90 days worth of statements for all accounts.

Step 2: Make Categories

Once you have 90 days worth of bank statements in front of you, it’s time to create categories. This is going to make budgeting much easier.

Once you start going through your expenses, you will start to notice expenses that you can put into categories. Examples could include groceries, fuel, dining out, entertainment, shopping or health.

The fewer the categories, the better. No more than 20 categories is ideal.

Average of 90 Days

With each category, you are going to take the average of the 90 days worth of expenses. For example, if you have $1,500 total expenses for groceries, then your monthly average is going to be $500.

The Fixed Expenses

Circle or highlight all expenses that are the same each month. This may be your rent, mortgage, cable, cell phone, car payment, insurance, or basically anything you know is going to be the same amount each month.

Step 3: Enter Into Your Budget

Once you have gone back through 90 days and created categories for your expenses, it’s time to start entering those expenses into your actual budget.

Start with Your Take-Home Pay

The first number you need is your projected monthly take-home pay. You can think of this as the amount of money that hits your checking account within the month.

For example, your income may be $80,000 per year, but your take home pay after taxes and all deductions may be closer to $50,000 per year. Therefore your take-home pay would be $4,333 per month instead of $6,667.

Transfer Categories to Your New Budget

Remember, in step one you went back 90 days and in step two you created categories based on those 90 days worth of transactions.

From here, you will now enter in the categories you created and the monthly average for each category.

Step 4: Zero Out Your Budget

Now it’s time to create a zero-based budget.

All this means is you will have a plan for every dollar that comes in as take-home pay. Whether your income is $2,000 or $20,000 per month, every single dollar will be told what to do before you actually spend it.

Expenses Will Be Higher Than Income

Ninety-nine out of hundred times, your average monthly expenses will be more than your take-home pay. If this happens to you, take a deep breath and realize this is completely normal. This is also why over 75% of people report they are living paycheck to paycheck.

This is where you will go back and determine the needs versus the wants.

There is no right or wrong way when going through the needs versus the wants. It’s one hundred percent up to you. The bottom line is your take-home pay minus all of your expenses must equal zero.

Take Home Pay — Expenses = ZERO

Step 5: Follow Your Plan

Once you have created your zero based budget, it’s now time to follow your plan. Remember, this is the play YOU created for YOUR MONEY.

Every time you make a purchase or a payment is made, you will record it in your new budget.

Best Practice: Always ask for a receipt. Then at the end of the day, take the 2-3 minutes and add them into your budget.

Step 6: Make Adjustments

The chances of you being perfect your first month are zero percent. In fact you will never be perfect — you’ll become really good, but never perfect.

If you remember from steps one and two, you printed off 90 days worth of bank statements, made categories, and averaged the expenses into monthly amounts. This was to create a baseline based on average spending habits.

Therefore, this does not mean you’re going to be perfect within every category.

Make Progress, Not Perfection

Here is a fact: You will have at least 37 emergency budget meetings within that first month. Maybe you underestimated groceries (everyone always does) and overestimated fuel for your cars.

Or you may have allocatd too much for dining out and not enough for shopping. You may even realize you need a separate category just for Amazon.

If this is you, keep in mind this is one hundred percent normal and you are not a failure, not weird, and doing everything right.

Click Here for the Free Budget Mini Course: Download the free budget forms and then watch me show you exactly how create your own budget!

Step 7: Rinse and Repeat

Your first month is a trial month. It’s not going to be even close to perfect and you’re going to feel like a complete failure at times.

Don’t give up.

Month one won’t go great, month two will be better, and month three will actually be easy. Give yourself 90 days to get comfortable with your budget.

The Result

The biggest raise you will ever receive in your working lifetime is the day you decide to live on a budget.

The average student of Money Peach saves $500 per month by simply creating a plan for every dollar that comes into their life. At the end of the year, this is $6,000 saved. In just five years, $30,000 is saved without ever making more money.

What could you do with an extra $500 per month? Pay off debt faster? Save for a big purchase? Travel more? Live life without the stress of money?

It’s your turn to get the money right. You got this my friend!

Frequently Asked Questions

When should I create my budget?

Right now.

But, in the future you always want to create your budget BEFORE the month actually starts. The idea is you will create a plan for every dollar that comes into your life before you actually receive and spend it.

Budgeting is proactive versus reactive.

When you create a budget before the month begins, you are now telling your money what to do and where to go instead of wondering where it all went.

Does it matter when I get paid?

No.

Whether you are paid once weekly, bi-weekly, the 1st and the 15th, or once-per-month does not matter. Just add up how much you get paid between the 1st and the last day of the month, and then use that as your income (take-home-pay) for your budget.

Why budget on a monthly schedule versus a pay period schedule?

Your life is already set up on a monthly schedule. Your mortgage or rent, your bills, insurance, auto payments and everything else in life is already set up to be paid once per month.

We are just going to follow the plan that has already been created for us.

Simplicity is the key to creating and sticking to a budget long-term. The goal is to not only create a budget, but to follow the plan we created for our money every month going forward.

What if I don’t get paid the same amount each month?

This is completely normal and it’s called irregular income budgeting. Just like you did in step one and two where you averaged out your 90-days worth of bank statements, you will do the same for your income.

Example: Month 1 you earn $4,000, month 2 you earn $8,000 and month 3 you don’t earn any month at all. Therefore, your average income will be $4,000.

It would be wise to save the extra money from month 2 in a savings account earmarked for your income. This way you have something to draw from in a down month.

Keep in mind — you will take a new 90-day rolling average at the start of each month.

If I plan on using every dollar I earn, wouldn’t my checking account be zero?

You will definitely need to create a “buffer” inside your checking account so you never come close to zero (or ever overdraft).

Pro Tip: Put the due date next to all of your bills (your fixed expenses) inside your budget. Now, take a look at your budget and you will notice you will have a period of 7-10 days where the majority of your monthly expenses will come out. This allows you to determine how much of a buffer you will need.

Example: You get paid $2,500 on the 1st and 15th of the month. Between the 1st and the 7th of the month, your bills and monthly expenses will add up to be $2,700 per month. Now you can see you need at least $200 extra for those first two weeks in order to avoid an overdraft. A best practice would be to set aside an extra $500 in your checking account so you know your checking account will always stay above a $300 minimum balance.

What if I don’t have enough money to zero-out my budget?

This is completely normal and happens to the majority of people who first create a budget. This is also why over 75% of people are living paycheck to paycheck.

You will need to go back through the Needs vs Wants section of the worksheet from the mini course. This will be short-term painful for the long-term gain.

If I go over budget, how do I account for that next month?

You will never spend exactly what your income is within any given month. Your life has too many moving parts to literally spend exactly what you earn inside a 30-day period.

One month you may have overspent and the following month you may have underspent.

When this happens, simply add the unspent amount (or subtract the overspent amount) from your income the following month.

Example: At the end of April, you see you overspent by $100. Next month you would simply subtract $100 from your income and then zero out your budget.

Watch Now: Let Me Show You How to Create Your Budget

Now that you have a pretty good idea of how a budget works, I am going to give you the budget forms and walk you step-by-step with how to use them. If you have any questions at all, please post in the comments section below.

Good luck and congratulations on creating your budget!

Watch Now

7 Simple Steps to Creating a Budget to Save $500 Per Month published first on https://mysingaporepools.weebly.com/

0 notes

kennethherrerablog · 4 years ago

Text

7 Simple Steps to Creating a Budget to Save $500 Per Month

Did you know that almost 80% of people are living paycheck to paycheck? In fact, since 2006 the paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle has increased every year from 65% in 2006 to almost 80% today.

What if those same people could stop living paycheck to paycheck and actually save money?

The simple fact is those who choose to create a budget and stick to it will not only stop the paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle — they will on average save $500 per month.

Over the next few minutes, I am going to walk you step-by-step in creating a very simple and effective budget. I am also going to give you a free budget tool to use and show you how to use it.

Now, let’s start with step one.

WATCH NOW to see step-by-step how to create your own budget, including the free budgeting forms so you can get started today.

Step 1: Go Back 90 Days

As the saying goes; what gets measured gets managed. The first step is to determine exactly what your money has been doing before you can tell it what to do.

You are going to print all bank statements for the past 90 days (three months).

If you only use a checking account and a debit card, then you will only be printing three monthly statements.

However, if you use a credit card (or multiple credit cards), you will need to print off 90 days worth of statements for all accounts.

Step 2: Make Categories

Once you have 90 days worth of bank statements in front of you, it’s time to create categories. This is going to make budgeting much easier.

Once you start going through your expenses, you will start to notice expenses that you can put into categories. Examples could include groceries, fuel, dining out, entertainment, shopping or health.

The fewer the categories, the better. No more than 20 categories is ideal.

Average of 90 Days

With each category, you are going to take the average of the 90 days worth of expenses. For example, if you have $1,500 total expenses for groceries, then your monthly average is going to be $500.

The Fixed Expenses

Step 3: Enter Into Your Budget

Once you have gone back through 90 days and created categories for your expenses, it’s time to start entering those expenses into your actual budget.

Start with Your Take-Home Pay

The first number you need is your projected monthly take-home pay. You can think of this as the amount of money that hits your checking account within the month.

Transfer Categories to Your New Budget

Remember, in step one you went back 90 days and in step two you created categories based on those 90 days worth of transactions.

From here, you will now enter in the categories you created and the monthly average for each category.

Step 4: Zero Out Your Budget

Now it’s time to create a zero-based budget.

Expenses Will Be Higher Than Income

This is where you will go back and determine the needs versus the wants.

There is no right or wrong way when going through the needs versus the wants. It’s one hundred percent up to you. The bottom line is your take-home pay minus all of your expenses must equal zero.

Take Home Pay — Expenses = ZERO

Step 5: Follow Your Plan

Once you have created your zero based budget, it’s now time to follow your plan. Remember, this is the play YOU created for YOUR MONEY.

Every time you make a purchase or a payment is made, you will record it in your new budget.

Best Practice: Always ask for a receipt. Then at the end of the day, take the 2-3 minutes and add them into your budget.

Step 6: Make Adjustments

The chances of you being perfect your first month are zero percent. In fact you will never be perfect — you’ll become really good, but never perfect.

Therefore, this does not mean you’re going to be perfect within every category.

Make Progress, Not Perfection

Here is a fact: You will have at least 37 emergency budget meetings within that first month. Maybe you underestimated groceries (everyone always does) and overestimated fuel for your cars.

Or you may have allocatd too much for dining out and not enough for shopping. You may even realize you need a separate category just for Amazon.

If this is you, keep in mind this is one hundred percent normal and you are not a failure, not weird, and doing everything right.

Click Here for the Free Budget Mini Course: Download the free budget forms and then watch me show you exactly how create your own budget!

Step 7: Rinse and Repeat

Your first month is a trial month. It’s not going to be even close to perfect and you’re going to feel like a complete failure at times.

Don’t give up.

Month one won’t go great, month two will be better, and month three will actually be easy. Give yourself 90 days to get comfortable with your budget.

The Result

The biggest raise you will ever receive in your working lifetime is the day you decide to live on a budget.

What could you do with an extra $500 per month? Pay off debt faster? Save for a big purchase? Travel more? Live life without the stress of money?

It’s your turn to get the money right. You got this my friend!

Frequently Asked Questions

When should I create my budget?

Right now.

Budgeting is proactive versus reactive.

When you create a budget before the month begins, you are now telling your money what to do and where to go instead of wondering where it all went.

Does it matter when I get paid?

No.

Why budget on a monthly schedule versus a pay period schedule?

Your life is already set up on a monthly schedule. Your mortgage or rent, your bills, insurance, auto payments and everything else in life is already set up to be paid once per month.

We are just going to follow the plan that has already been created for us.

Simplicity is the key to creating and sticking to a budget long-term. The goal is to not only create a budget, but to follow the plan we created for our money every month going forward.

What if I don’t get paid the same amount each month?

Example: Month 1 you earn $4,000, month 2 you earn $8,000 and month 3 you don’t earn any month at all. Therefore, your average income will be $4,000.

It would be wise to save the extra money from month 2 in a savings account earmarked for your income. This way you have something to draw from in a down month.

Keep in mind — you will take a new 90-day rolling average at the start of each month.

If I plan on using every dollar I earn, wouldn’t my checking account be zero?

You will definitely need to create a “buffer” inside your checking account so you never come close to zero (or ever overdraft).

What if I don’t have enough money to zero-out my budget?

This is completely normal and happens to the majority of people who first create a budget. This is also why over 75% of people are living paycheck to paycheck.

You will need to go back through the Needs vs Wants section of the worksheet from the mini course. This will be short-term painful for the long-term gain.

If I go over budget, how do I account for that next month?

You will never spend exactly what your income is within any given month. Your life has too many moving parts to literally spend exactly what you earn inside a 30-day period.

One month you may have overspent and the following month you may have underspent.

When this happens, simply add the unspent amount (or subtract the overspent amount) from your income the following month.

Example: At the end of April, you see you overspent by $100. Next month you would simply subtract $100 from your income and then zero out your budget.

Watch Now: Let Me Show You How to Create Your Budget

Good luck and congratulations on creating your budget!

Watch Now

7 Simple Steps to Creating a Budget to Save $500 Per Month published first on https://justinbetreviews.tumblr.com/

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