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#am i hesitant to tag that? yes
mycofaerie · 1 year
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they are so <3
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iamfuckingsorry · 14 days
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"Do you know where we are going next?" I asked ART.
Y'know what, I think maybe I don't need any more Murderbot books. I think maybe ending things here is fucking perfect and as much as I love Wells's writing I'm genuinely not sure it can get better for me.
Like, so much of the books are about MB learning how to be a person, about becoming okay with being a complete individual with everything it entails. The first thing it does once it's actually allowed to decide on its own is it runs away from it all (admittedly to go on a mission to confirm some things about its past, because it genuinely just wants to be *good*). It shoves all its emotions away as much as it's able to. Then shit happens, and it makes its first friends, makes decisions based on these friendships, goes through a lot of emotionally intense situations...
And we get to this point here. MB having zero doubts about going with ART says a lot about its relationship with ART, but it also says a lot about its relationship with its humans - it knows that wherever it goes, when it comes back, the humans will still be there. Its humans actively acknowledge its struggles with being a now-free SecUnit and MB is willing to entertain the discussions to an extent and share information about its deeply personal experiences. Hell, System Collapse ends with MB admitting it might be somewhat broken, but that's okay as long as it can keep doing its job, and agreeing to basically do counselling - this is the guy what would rewatch its favourite TV show again and again in order to avoid acknowledging it even had Emotions a couple books back.
Reading this, I know that MB will be okay. It has hopes and goals and genuinely believes in itself and it has an amazing support system that its willing to lean on for the first time in its life. I'm convinced it'll go on to do great things with ART. And that's really the only thing I need to know.
#Murderbot#murderbot diaries#system collapse#Herr's personal tag#Also like. System collapse dives deep into MB's feelings about its life as secunit prior to the events of all systems red#I find this conversation from when they were discussing what would happen if the BE folks got to the colonists first /very/ telling#MB going on about how life as a corporate slave is absolute fucking hell#ART drone saying that they can't just kill people because the alternative is worse than death#ART: would it have been kinder to kill you before you'd disabled your governor module?#MB with zero fucking hesitation: /yes/#(followed by my favourite ART line ever. “You know I am not kind.”)#Like. MB would not have always admitted that it had hated its life as a secunit this openly#Saying it was shit is one thing saying I would rather be dead than think of me or anyone else going through this again is a very different#And here it has zero issues stating that. At least when talking to ART#And then later on it goes on to offer its actual memories for a publicly screened documentary#Because it knows it's the only way to make people see. The only way to save then from the same (ish) fate#And it's willing to do whatever it takes to save these people it's never even met before from what it views as fate worse than death#Including opening up and acknowledging its past experiences and past/current feelings#And I'm just like. Man I couldn't be more proud of you if I tried.#You go MB. Holy fuck I wish I could do what you've done. You might just be the person to defeat this evil capitalism my dude
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tequiilasunriise · 2 years
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In terms of Wenclair nicknames, I believe in ‘Enid using Willa’ supremacy and φεγγάρι μου (‘my moon’ in Greek) is especially beloved to me, but I also love little shit Enid who calls Wednesday any day of the week EXCEPT Wednesday (“Hey, Monday!” “What do you think about this Sabbath?” “Oh thank god you’re here Friday”) and it annoys her favorite murder goth to NO END but slowly said murder goth becomes endeared by her roomate’s antics as feelings start to tumble and bloom away. Besides ‘my moon’, I can also see her calling Wednesday ‘silly raven’ in Greek.
Meanwhile, Wednesday has this wholeass evolution from shit like “mutt” to way softer nicknames because Gomezifcation™️ is a powerful thing. She starts to pine and internally call Enid her Alectrona (a greek goddness of the Sun, known for sunrise or ‘waking from slumber’, a perfect combo of how Enid brings light to Wednesday as well as her inner wolf finally waking up), but slowly she starts using it out loud along with “mi sol” (‘my sun’, Spanish), “mon petit chiot” (‘my little pup’, French), and “la mia vita” (‘my life’, Italian). Enid melts everytime without fail and stutters in Greek and honestly? Who could blame her when Wednesday has that passionately lovestruck shine in her eyes as adoration drips from devout lips.
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b4kuch1n · 1 year
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fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot
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angeart · 1 month
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How dare Link correctly predict my reaction to teases, how dare (<3) YES I wanna know what prompted the upset, what well meaning thing went so wrong D: And that bit about still hoping to be loved breaks my heart for them
-🎀
the bit about still hoping to be loved broke my heart too, and that's why i needed to include it <3
so, about hermits wanting to help them. one smaller example is them taking a look at scar's tattered wings and suggesting that maybe they could help fix them. which is good!
but this comes after scar having his wings like this for about a year, and it took a long time for him to learn to accept them as they are. he's no longer ashamed of them, seeing them simply as a part of himself now. (the same way his scars have always been)
and, sure, he will still take a chance at having them healed, but it still rubs him wrong, in a way. even though it's a kind, well-meaning offer. because it proposes that he needs to be fixed.
but a whole big issue stems from something else.
we know scar and grian have changed.
grian, in particular, flinches a lot and seems scared. scar, on the other hand, often shields grian, and calls on his vex traits to intimidate the danger away, showing he's not afraid to fight. (he is afraid. he's constantly afraid.) and they're both awfully codependent, clinging to each other and isolating from everyone else.
[1,7k rambles and ~3,2k rp snippets below the cut]
one of the things they leaned into in that other world was their hybrid traits. and they show in the way they interact with each other, you know? the way they express trust and love and know what the other one needs.
well, scar is a vex.
we know there's a mating bite, but that's not everything. him and grian indulge in a lot of biting and blood related stuff. all consensual! grian is a little freak so he likes it!
it's something the two of them do, privately and intimately. it's safe, it's fun, it's theirs. them being insanely in love and ready to give all of themselves over. lose all of control on both sides, at least for a moment, in a world that hardly allows such a thing.
but here's the issue: the others don't know anything about any of it. they don't know what scar and grian have been through. they don't know anything about vex instincts or mating rituals. they don't understand anything about this new thing.
so when they see grian timid, bruised and bitten? and they know that scar seems more violent now, sharp-fanged and clawed?
let's just say they get concerned. and stage a bit of an intervention.
they just want to make sure that grian is okay! it... should be a good thing. except they've separated them and are now cornering grian, asking all these questions and voicing all these assumptions. and it's a bit awful, actually.
grian is pressed into having to explain that yeah, actually, he wanted all of that. that it's love.
but him naming the so obvious damage love just rings more alarm bells. and maybe someone asks him if it's a form of self harm, to allow that to happen to him? like, if grian seeks it out, is it self destructive? is that why he craves it?
and sort of, him and scar spiral about this in different ways.
grian struggles with untangling his way out of it, because what if they're right? what if he subconsciously sought harm? but he liked it? is it wrong to enjoy it? he knows that he had his moments when he was actively trying to bring himself damage. mostly aimed at his wings—plucking out his feathers and such. but is this just another thing like that? a substitute damage of sorts? was he just oblivious this whole time?
grian never had a previous relationship experience, so he really can't tell what is love. where does it end and Something Bad begins? he associates the bites with love, but is that bad? is he wrong? would it feel different if someone else showed him that love is something else? did he just manipulate himself into feeling like this and now he's in too deep?
at least he knows scar would never hurt him if grian says no. if grian doesn't want it. but... if grian wants it... is it self destructive? is that what it means? or maybe he was just chasing the aftermath? the soft care (that scar'd offer regardless)?
his mind is a mess and he can't figure out what his real feelings in this all are. he doesn't know how to figure it out. he gets really confused and worried and scared. (he's terrified that they're right, not necessarily for himself, but because of what that'd do to scar.) (he's scared that scar will blame himself over this. that no matter the outcome, this is inevitably going to mess something up between the two of them.)
in the meanwhile, scar feels like a monster. like maybe he was doing something wrong this whole time. was he enabling something horrible? was he genuinely hurting grian this whole time, unaware?
because he's a vex, and it makes sense to want this on his end, but grian is an avian, and... maybe scar should've questioned it more? shouldn't have been so eager to indulge? did he do something irreparably cruel without meaning to?
through this all, he reassures grian it's okay to take a break from it, or even to completely stop. it's fine! it's always been fine! but despite that, their feelings continue to spiral, caught in a maze they can't escape.
it used to be so simple. back in the vex commune. scar never had to doubt himself and the way they express their love. not when it came to this.
and now suddenly it seems so different. so vile and wrong and horrible. people are genuinely concerned and scar and grian wonder, separately, if maybe they're right to be?
... eventually they both hurtle towards a breaking point. and scar decides he needs to talk to someone about it. and grian decides he needs to be alone for a moment, becoming overwhelmed, needing some space to think.
i really want to tell you about what happens in the talk scar has with the others, but i can't. not quite yet.
anyway, this is where the breakdowns come in. (yes. multiple.)
first is scar's during the conversation he has. he gets to hear a lot of good, wise, reassuring things, but ultimately, he still needs to hear from grian. he's been trying so hard not to influence grian's conclusion to all of this, but. he needs to know grian's thoughts, once grian is ready.
grian is not ready. he's been growing so emotionally worn out from all of this, so volatile and fragile. it's all a bit Too Much.
scar messages him, checking up on him.
are you okay?
and
i'm here waiting for you whenever you come back
and
but i'll come find you if you want me to
and
i love you
... but here's the thing, right? neither scar nor grian are used to comms anymore. so grian doesn't read any of that.
they regress back to what they know.
scar howls.
grian chirps.
and only then does scar's comm ping.
come.
zero hesitation, scar unfolds his wings and jumps off the balcony, rushing towards where that chirp came from. he's being called. he's being wanted.
he'd go anywhere for grian.
he finds grian perched atop a tree. struggles to climb up, but never falters. because grian's now starting to cry, and scar needs to be there.
tucked safely into scar's gentle, loving arms, grian breaks down.
--
with a hitched sob, grian falls forwards into scar's arms, burrowing easily into the warmth and familiarity and security.
he wants to say he's sorry. he's sorry this is so hard for him. he's sorry he can't untangle this; sorry he can no longer tell which are his feelings and which are just things people have suggested he might feel. he's sorry he's making this so difficult. he's sorry he's worrying everyone.
but words evade him as scar's arms provide just enough safety for his guards to crumble lower, making him just sob instead.
--
and believe it or not, somewhere in the midst of this (hey do have a proper talk, if a bit tear-drenched) is scar's second breakdown. (grian's time to hold him!!!) that's where the rp snippet in the previous ask is from. and you'll get more of that in a second.
first i just need to tease the aftermath, because i'm a menace.
after crying and comforting their hearts out, they fly(!!!) back. there's immense relief to wind in grian's feathers, and a dangerous edge of the feeling of freedom it brings, wanting to soothe all the cracks on his soul... but the truth is, his soul is still cracked. and he's still depleted. he knows he's still hovering over something so incomprehensibly fragile. that the smallest prod will set him off and break him again.
they arrive at their nest—scar first, to warn their company not to ask questions, grian second.
it doesn't stop it from happening. grian was right: the smallest thing can set him off.
so he has another breakdown, possibly a bigger one, drawing on far deeper hurt that screams and tears at his heart. and plunges all three other people in the room into breakdowns of their own <3333
(yes that's the part we can't talk about. yet.)
aNYWAY!!! how about some rp bits.
---------------
SCAR
Despite Grian’s crying being entirely contagious— or perhaps Scar is just simply too empathetic and emotional himself— Scar’s had practice with consoling his sweet bird. He knows what he ought to do here. 
He tightens his hold until it’s snug and secure, then pressed a few little kisses to whatever part of Grian’s head he can reach.
And then he talks.
“I knew you’d be up in a tree somewhere.” His voice wobbles a bit, but it’s alright. “I wanted to give you some time… I missed you though. Like immediately.”
He chuckles softly, knowing their bond borders on codependent, even if it’s something they’ve worked on since they’ve gotten home. Still, it’s okay to poke fun at it, he thinks. It’s okay to admit the truth.
--
GRIAN
grian's sobs quiet down a little as scar talks, energy redirected to hook into the familiar rumble of his slightly quivery voice, sniffling as he listens to what scar has to say. 
it's sometimes hard to decipher the meaning of sentences when he gets like this, but scar doesn't seem to expect an answer; he's not asking him anything, and grian's grateful for being given time, a grace period where he can just cling and cry and calm down while scar holds him. 
he laugh-sobs at the note that it was obvious he'd be in a tree. he's given scar a lot of hard time in the past until he figured out that lesson, but now he always knows unfailingly where to search when grian's heart needs him after cowardly isolation.
he comes every time. he comes and he finds him and he holds him. 
grian sniffles, despondent, burrowing tighter in. he chirps a little to encourage scar to go on, to keep talking; the sound of it is shaky, about to fall apart to pieces, but he thinks it still counts. it's still something. a participation, not leaving scar stranded and alone in this.
--
OK LOOK WE HAVE TO SKIP AHEAD HERE BECAUSE [REDACTED] REASONS
--
GRIAN
grian hums again, fond and soft, slumped against scar with utmost trust. and then he finally says it. "'m sorry."
--
SCAR
"Hey, none of that, mister," Scar says, shaking his head into Grian's hair in more of a no than a nuzzle now. "It was a lot, it's okay. You needed a moment."
He places another kiss.
"And you knew I'd be here in a heartbeat when you were ready, right?" Scar grins sheepishly.
--
GRIAN
grian's hands trace idle patterns on scar's back as he gets comforted by words and another kiss. he closes his eyes, taking it in, before replying with a soft little "yeah."
-- 
SCAR
Scar purrs at the affection, openly so. "Doin' a little better now?"
--
GRIAN
grian nods, still right against scar, clingily pressed into him. "yeah, i... yeah."
--
SCAR
Scar doesn't budge, not interested in releasing his darling bird just yet. "...what's on your mind?" he prompts softly, hoping to get a glimpse at Grian's inner turmoil.
--
GRIAN
with eyes still closed, grian lets the pause linger just a moment, before replying with a quiet but honest, "right now? how nice this feels."
--
SCAR
Scar chuckles again, a little anxiety getting settled by that fact, though certainly not all. "Oh, well that's good, yes. I agree with that sentiment entirely."
--
GRIAN
"good," grian purrs, squeezing at scar. "'coz i don't wanna lose it."
--
SCAR
Scar's ears twitch, something awfully depressing in those few words. "Hey, no, never," he assures. "This is never going away, okay?" 
Since he seriously doubts cuddling is about to give anyone the wrong ideas.
--
GRIAN
grian has to swallow several times for his feelings to not go off the rails again. he takes a shaky breath, still squeezing at scar, as if he was afraid he might disappear. "... okay."
--
SCAR
"And neither am I!" Scar tacks on, even if it should go without saying. Even if it may be a little dramatic. But he thinks maybe Grian needs to hear that fact stated with absolute certainty. "I love you too dang much."
--
GRIAN
that gets grian to loosen his grip a little, enough to shuffle and look up. hair messy and eyes glistening and red rimmed, he looks up at scar with so much aching adoration, it feels like he might drown. 
"i think it's okay if— if we love each other in our own way," he says sheepishly. he ducks down, laying his head on scar's shoulder, feeling shy as his hands go back to tracing patterns on scar's lower back. "even if the others don't understand or agree." there's a precipice of a pause, and then the most timid little "... right?"
--
SCAR
Scar's heart stutters, and his ears flick up again with carefully optimistic anticipation at Grian's words. His eyes threaten to flood over again, but the tears feel different, more cathartic, less miserable. 
He tucks his head over Grian's again, brushing his cheek over his locks affectionately, daring to release a few hopeful tears as Grian says what he desperately hoped he might. 
"I..." he starts, still trying not to influence this decision if he can help it, but... "I think so. ...I mean it's—" He thinks of [REDACTED], and chuckles wetly, morphing them in his own Scar-silly way. "It's not really anyone else's business what we do in the bedroom, is it?"
--
GRIAN
grian's hands still against scar's back, simply holding him for a moment as he soaks up scar's nuzzles. there's wetness to them, something that makes grian's heart ache as he worries about all the possible meanings, but hopes against all hope that it's just scar getting positively emotional—a relief of sorts above all else. 
a small strained chuckle makes it past his lips, and he muffles it into a kiss that he presses into scar's shoulder. "right. exactly."
--
SCAR
Scar weakly smiles, giving Grian a squeeze. "...but seriously, I— you know it's okay if we stop, right? If you ever change your mind— and I mean your mind, nobody else's— then it's fine! But... I... yeah." Another squeeze. "I just want to be sure you know that."
--
GRIAN
there's a barely stifled sigh, but no hint of tension pools across grian's back. his hold remains still and gentle, his head idly leaning on scar's shoulder. "i know," he murmurs.
--
SCAR
"Good," Scar states, ducking lower so his forehead presses into Grian for a moment before releasing just enough so he could escape the big bear hug if he wanted. “... you know, [REDACTED]”
--
WE ARE ACTUALLY TAKING ANOTHER LEAP, ANOTHER SKIP, ANOTHER SCRIBBLED OUT SECTION. bear with us <33
--
SCAR
[REDACTED VERY REDACTED] “I mean, I had to learn all this vex stuff, too. It’s not… I mean it’s certainly not the most family-friendly sort of culture but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong, does it?”
--
GRIAN
grian blinks at that, lifting his head in attention. this really surprises him, for some reason. that [WOO REDACTED AGAIN WOW] 
"oh." he takes a moment, leaning slightly back, inviting scar's touch a little bit further. "yeah... yeah, i think he's—" he bounces the words around in his head again, then settles on: "it's a learning curve every way, isn't it? whenever there's new instincts and..." he skirts around the words mating rituals, feeling a faint warmth rise up to his cheeks. he looks away briefly, teething at his bottom lip as he thinks of all the worries he himself used to have, all the mistakes kane made, all the effort and talking and correcting it took for things to finally have it all sink in the proper way. 
he clears his throat, shyly looking back at scar, but then his gaze anchors and softens. his hand travels up from scar's chin, brushing through his hair, tucking a strand behind his ears. "it's not wrong."
--
SCAR
“It’s not?” Scar asks meekly, even though he was the one to propose so first. To have Grian confirm it is so much more important. Because even if they can agree it’s not wrong for Scar to have sought out these things, ultimately he wants it to be right for Grian as well.
Scar chews at his lip nervously, but still tilts toward the offered affection, absolutely weak to it.
--
GRIAN
"mmm." grian lets his fingers brush through scar's hair again, gentle with him at every step. "it's not wrong," he repeats softly.
--
SCAR
Scar opens his eyes, both of them glistening with potential tears, but he offers up a weak, wobbly smile, appreciating every graze of Grian’s fingers. “…is it— it’s not wrong for you either?”
--
GRIAN
grian takes in scar's expression and he leans in for a short kiss. "it's not wrong for me," he murmurs, right over scar's lips. 
and maybe he still feels confused, and maybe he still has some exploring and figuring out to do, just to really settle things in his heart, but he knows scar will be there with him every step of the way. just like he knows that [REDACTED] is right—scar is good for him. 
and he wants all of him.
--
SCAR
The tears fall alongside a pitiful little chuckle, but Scar leans right back in for another kiss, not caring at all for the wetness that streaks down his cheeks. 
They can match now. It’s fine.
“I… I’m—?” Scar falters, and he laughs again, ducking his head down in slight embarrassment. He can’t even bring himself to say it. To even imply that he was worried that he was wrong for Grian. “…okay.”
--
GRIAN
the sight of tears breaks grian's heart. still keeping one arm around scar, hoping it'd make him feel close and secure, he lowers his other hand from scar's hair to his cheek, gently collecting the wetness even as scar leans in for a kiss. (one that grian gladly gives.) 
even though scar doesn't finish his question, grian can connect the dots. he remembers the time when he himself thought he's not good for scar, and he knows how awful and heavy that self doubt was.
with utmost tenderness, he kisses scar's cheek, right in the path of wetness, while his fingers gently brush the tears on the other side. "scar." it's quiet, reverent. irredeemably loving.
he pulls away, wanting scar to look at him as he says this. his wings twitch, brushing over scar's, curling inwards towards him. pressing against scar's sides under scar's wings as grian lets go of his back in favour of cupping his face, thumbs brushing over cheeks.
"scar, you're good for me."
he strings up the words, slow and deliberate and certain.
--
SCAR
It’s Scar’s turn to break again, clearly, as his eyes water over and big, wet tears fall down his cheeks and collect over Grian’s hands. He doesn’t even have words to respond with, just wide, grateful eyes and wobbly lips that can’t decide between a cry or a smile. 
His hands also find their way over Grian’s, though one escapes to run his own thumb over Grian’s cheek in turn, still feeling the dampness there. It’s oddly comforting.
“…sometimes I worry the hermits don’t think that,” he admits, gaze flicking away as he tries to keep a strong facade. (Hard to do while he’s actively crying, but it could certainly be worse.)
--
GRIAN
"oh, scar." grian sighs, heartbroken, brows pulling into a pained frown upon hearing that admission. he can hardly bear this, knowing scar's been made to feel like this.
he leans in to press a kiss to his forehead, wings slinking further along, wrapping around scar right underneath his vex wings. he wants to cocoon them into warmth and safety, away from these treacherous feelings.
the hermits managed to somehow break both of them down, with nothing more than good intentions.
grian hates the uncertain, askew feeling that pushes bitter bile up his throat, telling him maybe they're not quite right for this place anymore. that they forgot how to belong, but nobody has caught up yet and still expects them to be their selves that they can no longer reach.
“you know [REDACTED I AM SO SORRY]” he attempts a smile, though it's hard. he tugs at scar, wanting to pull him in for a hug, tuck him underneath his own chin, all safe and protected, but he leaves it up to scar whether he wants that or needs more breathing room right now. 
"maybe they need time. i... i've been hiding away a lot and. honestly i don't think they can tell what's good for me anymore. not right now." it's hard to admit. "even if they mean well." but well-meaning that hurts both him and scar is just meddlesome. 
maybe they needed this though, in a way. it would be better if it came from a different place, subtler, gentler, but still. maybe they needed to work through exactly these feelings.
"anyone who says you're not good for me will get smacked," he threatens, remembering scar's (and kane's) offers to bite people who look at grian wrong, in a way returning the favour. "'coz they're wrong and they have no business spewing nonsense."
--
SCAR
Scar gladly takes up the offer to be smothered in affection, and he boldly chooses to corporealize his wings fully and gently tug them around the base of Grian's, knowing well that wing-on-wing contact is almost always acceptable. And right now that sort of thing brings immense comfort to him, too. It's something they both share, after all. A pair of wings and a pair of patched up hearts.
"I know they mean well..." Scar whines into Grian's chest this time, and though there's no cozy shawl to bury himself in, it's just as comforting. "but they don't know everything, and... and I know that's mostly on us, but god it's just... it's so much sometimes, Grian." 
It's not exactly pleasant to recall those memories. To try to explain just how horrific it was to their old friends. To look them in the eyes and admit that they're different now because they had to be. (And how they still hope to be loved despite it all.)
--
GRIAN
grian wraps scar up in his arms, holding him close. one hand in scar's hair, the other sliding down between his shoulderblades, rubbing at that point between his wings, unaware he's copying exactly what [REDACTED] did earlier.
the pressure of scar's wings over his own helps him settle a little, gives him comfort and courage through this glass-shards of a conversation.
"they don't know everything," he echoes quietly, kissing the top of scar's head before he leans his cheek on it, cradling him. "i just wish..." he closes his eyes and tugs at scar, holds him a little bit tighter. he doesn't really know how to finish that sentence; all the words feel like they're crashing and splintering over sharp cliffs.
all that's left in the rubble is a weary sense of defeat. "it is so much," he agrees. "it's so tiring to... they expect us to be..." he doesn't finish any of his sentences, but he wonders if scar understands anyway.
--
SCAR
Scar understands perfectly. He nods softly as he listens, lulled in by those soft touches, tears drying as he lets Grian’s presence fully engulf him.
“…they expect us to be the same,” Scar finishes for him, certain that Grian’s had the same trouble he has, though perhaps to a different degree. “And… maybe we won’t ever be. But… I don’t think all the ways we changed are bad. Like— sure, we’re still messed up and jumpy and… and I mean, frankly traumatized, but…” There’s an effort to poke his head up, but Scar finds himself too reluctant to leave the comfort of Grian’s arms just yet. “We’re also in love. And… we have a new appreciation for life. And each other.” A half-sniffle, half-chuckle gets stuffed into Grian’s chest. “…is that too sappy?”
--
GRIAN
grian chuckles mirthlessly at the list of things they suck at, their reactions and trauma stitched close to them like their shadow, endless and monstrous, looming behind their every step. but scar is right: they have changed in so many messed up ways, and they might never be the same, but... it's not all bad. 
"we're in love," grian echoes, a notch lighter, just a little bit amused that the list of dark things ends with a complete shift, plunging them into sappiness. it's such a scar-like thing to do; he's aware of just how bad things have gotten, but that doesn't mean he won't fight to dredge up every little optimistic and hopeful thing out of it anyway.
grian loves it. it's gotten him through many dark times, this quality that scar has. his tenacious way of thinking and latching onto bright things, even if it's a barely flickering flame amidst complete, terrifying darkness.
he kisses his head again and then nuzzles against his hair, humming. "it's scar level sappy," he replies, mulling it, before landing on: "which means it's perfect." 
the only time scar's level of sappy is too much is when he's flustering grian, but he's not going to point that out, in case scar takes it as a challenge to compare the two right here and right now. (he'd be capable. grian knows.) 
he rubs at scar's back again, humming a soft melody, wanting to calm him further. but there's one thing even he can unearth from the ashes, something written into all their stitches and scars.
"we survived." 
nothing can beat that. no matter how they've changed, or what they can now see in a different light.
they made it.
"and we're good for each other."
--
SCAR
Scar giggles at the term. Scar-level sappy, indeed. His own brand of optimism, wrapped in layers of insecurity but boundless levels of adoration. 
And it got him this far, didn’t it?
“We survived,” Scar repeats, because that’s so damn important. They survived. And they did it because they were together.
Because they’re good together.
“…the power of love,” Scar adds, soft and sentimental and maybe just a bit goofy, hoping to turn the tides from tears to mirthful laughter.
--
GRIAN
once again he gets grian to giggle in a fragile moment—a talent scar has and grian values. in retaliation, he shifts his hands, brings them much closer, until he can tease at scar's ears. 
"we survived, so now i can do this!" his cheeks are still wet, and he feels depleted from all the heavy emotions, but he still manages a grin as he tries to make scar squirm.
--
SCAR
Scar barks out a fit of genuine laughter, somewhat startled by the shift, but he can’t complain when his lips are suddenly tipped into a bright smile and his ears are flicking wildly at the affectionate abuse. 
“Hey!! No fair! I’ve been so gentle!!” he cackles, already shedding that mercy and tickling at Grian’s ribs.
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aaand i'm going to end on this note (because you know it devolves again. we're good at making things fall apart repeatedly <3 a great angst loop if you ask me.)
but, i'm going to leave you with a little bonus. which is what me and link talked about today. on this same topic, really.
which is how scar changed. hermits know him as the guy who dies a lot, right? also easily distracted, carefree, easily dissipating into giggles, easily brushing things off. all of that.
he could get startled by a fly. he'd yelp and stumble and fall over when he got scared.
but that other world forced other things on him. it forced him to be brave, or at least, to seem like it. forced him to fight to keep himself and grian safe. fight for them both to survive.
now when he gets scared? there are wings and claws and fangs.
he couldn't show weakness in that world, you know?
and it sticks. it sinks its talons into him and holds.
the only person he shows weakness around is grian. and... maybe if he'd been willing to show it more around the other hermits, they'd see that he's still scar.
that he's still scar and he's hurting and afraid.
(yes blame link for this heartbreak brb sobbing with u)
also. a potential conversation:
someone saying to grian (while scar is also possibly there): "scar came back... wrong."
grian angrily counters with "no, scar came back different but not wrong."
and then
quieter
"... i came back wrong."
because, think about it. scar changed, but it can be argued that some of it is better and he's just being misunderstood. but grian? grian can't imagine any good coming from how he's now.
he didn't grow braver or kinder or stronger or any of those things. he just caused [REDACTED]. he's a scared, hurting mess. there's nothing good about him now.
as link said in our discord dms: scar needs to scoop grian up and remind him that he's here for the whole ride. he'll be here while grian learns to heal.
because he will heal.
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dazzelmethat · 1 month
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He has his mother's eyes. ❤️🐓🐍❤️
Young Renard and his mom Zina.
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crimsoncrim · 1 year
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offers u some june doodles. trying to get a feel for drawing them better
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Barbie Girl!! this event was so fun <3
(done on a whiteboard, ft. my friends' lovely additions <3)
(ID in alt.)
(if you like it, please reblog!! i spent over 3 hours on this and I'm not beneath begging for validation QwQ)
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ghastigiggles · 7 months
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also. on an entirely unrelated note. firefly/stelle tickles hit different as a concept
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singsweetmelodies · 2 years
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can you imagine a piarles collection of fics based on Taylor swift song? like, each album is a collection and each fic is based on a song of that album???
like, when we have London boy but adapted so it would be ‘you know I love a Monaco boy’ because this one would be Pierre saying ‘I saw the dimples first and then I heard the accent’ just because it fits though I do think most of everything would be just Charles’ pov because he’s a dramatic bitch just like Taylor
one telling a summer fling they had but one of them fell and screaming at the other “I love you ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?”
one telling the story of how they met and some stories in the middle until the “now” where Charles says “I like shinny things but I’d marry you in paper rings” and Pierre goes and buys him a ring shaped as a piece of newspaper and propose with it
THE ONE TELLING ABOUT ALL TOO WELL 10 MINUTES VERSION WOULD BE LIKE KNIVES IN MY HEART though definitely not the saddest, that would be tolerate it
and one where Pierre goes on about how they broke up because of *something* and then on a random day they meet again and Pierre tells him “if my wishes came true it would’ve been you” (they do not get back together though)
and when they have a *bad* break up and Pierre is talking shit (for the hell of it) with the press and Charles goes “I keep my side of the street clean but you wouldn’t know what I mean”
I am rambling so much but god I love this idea so much and like
I’m NOT here to kindly ask you to do it (REALLY, that would be waaaaaay too much), I was just procrastinating and I thought about it and I had to share this with someone so thank you for listening to my Ted talk 🫧
AHHHHH, sorry, i completely missed this one last night 🙈🙈 bloody tumblr... but oh my god, i absolutely love this idea! the amount of times i listen to a taylor swift song and just think "whoa my god... piarles au" is insane really. INSANE. so i absolutely adore you for this concept
and!! your SONG EXAMPLES omg 🥺🥺 i absolutely melted because yes yes yes London Boy is such a them song. i am particularly soft for this song + piarles, because i wrote a fic with a London Boy lyric for a title for them a little while ago. it's my Monaco vlog fic, and this one is very close to my heart for many reasons, but most especially because it always reminds me of my wonderful @leclerctops, @welightitup and @redyellowstupid, and the very START of our birthday fic surprise tradition 🥺🥺❤️💙💚 bless, the best memories, and all the love, really.
but enough sentimental nonsense! you know, i actually hadn't considered the "Monaco boy" dimples spin on it, but oh my god you are actually a genius. Pierre "I saw the dimples first and then I heard the accent" Gasly - LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!
oh my god, and Cruel Summer - okay, so, this is actually an idea i wrote down in my personal discord server for fic ideas (lmao). i was listening to this song and my brain just went EXACTLY what yours did here: "piarles summer fling but they're idiots and they forgot to communicate." still obsessed with this concept ngl. (unfortunately it's not one i have any sort of time to write, but, oh well. it will live in my head like an unfinished melody 🙏)
AND PAPER RINGS!! your idea of pierre getting him an actual paper ring!! that is the cutest thing i've ever heard omg 🥺🥺 and he so WOULD!! these idiots in love... i adore them ❤️❤️
whoa my god, and all too well. ALL TOO WELL!! ngl that's always been more of a brocedes song for me, but that's just because i can't bear the thought of hurting my piarles babies like that 🙈🙈🥺 but if a piarles ATW fic was ever written... you are unquestionably right. that would be a knife to the heart.
and?? TOLERATE IT?? excuse me?? that would be the one to absolutely shatter us all, i agree. "i know my love should be celebrated but you tolerate it" EXCUSE ME?? no?? i could never do that to my beloveds. just. never 😭😭😭😭🥺🥺💔
(though, thinking about it... isn't "tolerate it" good for a sort of heartbreaking charles + ferrari character study? the true otp if you will... the beautiful agony of being a ferrari driver... AHHHH)
and. the 1?? THE 1 FOR PIARLES?? IF MY WISHES CAME TRUE IT WOULD'VE BEEN YOU?? you're right, that one couldn't have a happy ending, but... 😭😭💔💔💔 i could also never do that to them. MY POOR BABIES
hehehehe ngl the karma one made me CACKLE 🤭🤭 pierre ABSOLUTELY is the kind of petty bitch who would talk shit for the hell of it. just look at pierresteban, after all! and for piarles to have a bad breakup... HEARTBREAKING. but omg it would make for such a good character study! love this 👌
ahhhh omg, sorry, i got a bit carried away with this answer 🙈🙈 but come on. TAYLOR SWIFT + PIARLES?? two of my favourite favourite things?? it was never going to be any other way, come on. (in other words, ilysm for this, and thanks a load for sharing your FAB Ted talk/concept with me ❤️❤️ <333)
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Just tallied up the total costs of all materials and equipment used in for my TriStamp Vash cosplay 😬😬😬 You guys get one guess each
Fortunately since I'm a slow crafter and it was made across six months, the actual spend per month cost isn't too bad. Some stuff like equipment, the wig cap, some materials can also be re-used across projects, so that's also good.
...Not that I'm particularly planning on being cost effective for the next project. Do you think big mechanical wings are going to be CHEAP to make? Dream on. My slow crafting will once again save my wallet in spreading out the costs :)
#the thing about me. is i am both stingy in some ways. and impulsive on bigger purchases in other ways.#eg 90% of my clothes is from second hand charity stores and i very rarely buy food while out and about#really only if i'm out at an event or with friends.#otherwise I just resist until i get home for the ultimately cheaper option of Food At Home.#like the days I forget to bring lunch to work and just sustain myself on the meagre offerings of biscuits and fruit available in the kitche#instead of buying from the many nearby options#and i refuse to replace electronics until they are BROKEN for real#shout out to my 5 year old phone that's got terrible battery life now#and my... 8? 8 year old headphones. babey when those break I will be upset.#BUT THEN IN OTHER WAYS?????#all my anime figurine purchases????? the expensive bedside table I got earlier this year????#some of my cosplay materials?????? why did i buy kinda expensive iron-on patches for the jacket without hesitation....#don't worry about it. i'm still good at saving money at least. very strict in setting a portion of my income aside#yes i am very lucky to be able to do that. i will continue to live with my beloved mother until uhhh the Australian housing/rental crisis#and cost of living crises improves. if that ever happens. or the situation otherwise changes i suppose.#anyway. cheers for reading my effusive ramblings in my tags. tumblr is my diary and I'm subjecting you to it.#ramblings of a bystander#a bystander makes cosplay
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wyrmscockfortress · 10 months
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Local Blushing Idiot Seduces Handsome Devil BF With His Autistic Swag
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wishmkr-j-art · 2 years
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my splatsona ^_^
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junewild · 2 years
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ok so. i’ve already told this to all of my nearest & dearest so now it’s time to tell my beloved tumblr folks too. but i’m going to put it in the tags because i am whispering it to all of you
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yousignedupforthis · 6 days
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Haven't seen the uglies movie but I read the books many years ago and based on the commentary I have seen from a couple of reviews about how it gives a lacklustre/outdated message about beauty standards I think a) the movie is probably bad and b) these reviewers never read the books because if I remember correctly the problematic beauty standards was at most a secondary theme and the books are not even really about that?? It's about the government controlling people by (spoiler) inserting chips into their brains under the guise of the beauty operation to make them unwilling or unable to engage in complex critical thought
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umbrellamedic · 1 year
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Remnant 2 drops next month. I may or may not need a Remnant AU if anyone is interesting.
Also been thinking HARD about any kind of magic au; either full fantasy or modern fantasy or i'll take a Bioshock-esque body mod kinda thing doesn't matter. I just want to write the ANGRIEST healer. (<- she didn't want healing, but is making the most of this skill)
And always a slut for Legacy of Kain AUs.
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