#am I projecting onto jwcc character?

[jupitersrising]

Older by Alec Benjamin is Darius' song. But like specifically for the time in his life when he goes home for the first time, (before Kenji gets there. because he has to pack and like, custody stuff has to be arranged so he couldn't have immediately moved in with the Bowmans), and he's looking at his untouched room. All his things are dusty and still there, right there, exactly in the same mess as they were when he was packing. And his headset/monitor still just there and that...that was his ticket to camp. It was the worst thing to happen to him. It was the best thing to happen to him. There are scars on his skin from dinosaurs he used to lose to in that game. His posters are still hung up and he can see all the inaccuracies in them now. See all the details that are in real dinosaurs that can't be captured in printed paper. Everything here is all of his old self captured like a relic, like a fossil he has a strange sense of deja vu for. Nothing here fits him anymore, but at one time it did. At one time all of this meant everything to him.

And he's older now. And he has a group of people that are closer than friends. And he's home but sometimes, sometimes he gets this feeling like it doesn't fit him anymore. And he's scared to move on. He's scared to see what the island(s) turned him into. He's scared to move on from this when he'd already miles away.

[zombielovesbrainz]

RAMBLING

first on my list is ben, he's been my favorite ever since i started watching the show

ive recently been rewatching jwcc and came across the monorail scene and i was thinking of how could those possibly be able to handle a human?? i looked at the wiki and they only seem to be 55 pounds and ben is at LEAST double their weight (im just guessing by his official height 5'4 and his thin body at the time) and even then if they were that strong wouldn't they rip through his clothes and scratch him up? he was holding onto darius for quite a bit so with darius and the pterandon pulling he must of gotten some sort of injury since the pterandon is portrayed to have a lot more strength than it actually does. i believe he should have some sort of scarring around his waist/stomach with the amount of force the pterandon had on him.

the monorail event definitely scarred his brain though/j, he ended up lost and away from everyone for about a month, so obviously he had to change to survive on his own. with his ranting on the monorail before getting attacked, he mentions that he's "sick of being scared all the time", "holding everyone back", saying he "can't do this." he has to change so much in order to survive even though the constant change in the season (escaping dinosaurs just to bump into others later, not having proper order, just all the chaos) must've taken a big toll on him. while in season 2, he kind of has a set schedule for every day? it's usually just wake up, eat, drink, sleep, repeat, but each time he seemingly loses more and more of his sanity with bumpy not letting him properly rest. after that whole fight with bumpy he is on his own, this I guess attracts the compys that try to attack him. but now that he is on his own he has to fight his own battles, he finally faces the compys and scares them away, he celebrates, becomes jungle ben, faces off toro. that kind of stuff, i don't really like how it happened that fast, obviously winning his own battle must've felt great, but how could his mindset change so easily? but the new confidence in himself was such a great start to the new ben that he becomes later.

i believe he may have some type of neurological disorder other than the anxiety that was shown specifically in season 4, along with yaz's PSTD. at first when they got on the island, it's like a lot of them clicked with each other, all except for ben, this makes me believe that he may just do things on a different frequency than others (totally not projecting) i believe he may be on the spectrum, with all the phobias, general anxiety even at the beginning of the show, his timidness and reluctance to involve himself with the others, difficulty adjusting to the environment of camp cretaceous. it feels all too real to me tbh, and even though he has a hard time with all of this, the show still did amazing with self discovery, growth, and learning. all without having to completely change a character. but i do think jungle ben isn't just an outfit or mindset, i think this is how he responds to the horrible amount of distress and anxiety of being alone and needing to survive, he's never HAD to do it on his own, so im thinking this is his way to cope with it. ik this isn't enough to say he's autistic, im just referencing instances in the show that led me to that belief.

an extra thing with no proof is that i hc ben to be hard of hearing for the sole fact that i am hard of hearing and there aren't any characters out there that i enjoy and are hard of hearing 😔

i love bens journey with discovering himself and how he can change while still being comfortable in the show, it was shown almost perfectly (only saying almost because i didn't think that the pacing was all that great sometimes) and i love this show with all of my heart, ive watched all 5 seasons maybe 6-7 times by now, been around since it first came out and ive loved it since 😁

i do not know if i said anything that may be taken in another way, it is almost midnight and i just wanted to ramble about a few episodes and how i see ben 😔 (definitely will be writing more tomorrow)