#always a sucker for the my warrior bit. if you couldn't tell | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

theshireisburning-so-mordoritis · 3 years ago

Note

Could you do #1 "Caught under a mistletoe" for Benny Miller with Female Reader?

Glow

Pairing: Benny Miller x F!Reader

Word Count: 9.1K

Warnings: 18+. Bit angsty in places. Mentions of a tough break up. Cheating, manipulative ex. Protective Benny. Friends to lovers with a splash of fake dating. Minor violence. Soft smut. Oral (fem recieving). Unprotected PIV.

A/N: I am so sorry this is so late. I had to do a bit of a twist considering we're now in April so hope that's okay. I honestly don't know what happened, it was just supposed to a little fic but then it just took on a life of it's own. Also apologies if the smut is a bit shit, I could envision it perfectly in my head but as soon as I went to write it my brain went yeah we don't know how to put words on a page here. And a huge thank you to @autumnleaves1991-blog and @an-author-of-stars for reading this over for me and assuring me I wasn’t just spouting absolute nonsense. I love you both.

He’s not sure what comes over him.

Benny rarely loses his cool - rarely feels like he could tear someone apart with bare hands and blunt nails, stripping them down to ribbons of blood soaked flesh..

But there’s something that makes him irrationally protective over you - something that blossoms from deep within his bones to coil around the stuttering flesh of his heart like tendrils of ivy.

And it doesn’t matter how much he denies it. The many different ways he thinks of to try and explain to himself, the guys, to fucking everyone.

We’re just friends.

It always finds a way to burst out of him, to make his head spin like a top and all that training, the extensive hours of learning how to compartmentalise and switch off and not get fucking emotional, be wiped from his brain like an eraser swept across a whiteboard. Because it’s you.

And if there’s anything Benny absolutely hates - it’s when somebody hurts you.

It all starts when they’re at the store.

When they’re stocking up on chocolate and ice cream and whiskey because it’s Friday and they’ve got this tradition they’ve refused to let go of since they were sixteen. Movies and takeout - snacks and booze - everything you need at the end of a shit week.

You’re in sweats and one of Benny’s old jumpers - one he couldn’t find no matter how hard he looked until you revealed you’d stolen it when he’d followed Will into the army so you’d still have a piece of him with you. He had ached when you told him - when you ultimately ended up following him because you couldn't stand the thought of him being in trouble without you having his back. It caused a seed of something desperate and unruly to take root in his chest that still flares to life whenever he sees you in the worn material all these years later.

You glow like this. When you're happy and relaxed and you're trying to see just how much junk food he'll let you pile onto the already looming mountain in the basket hooked over his arm before he finally tells you that's enough. Embarrassingly they've not discovered the right amount yet - he's that bad at saying no to you. That fucking suckered in by the sparkle of your grin and your too pretty eyes to ever want to be responsible for making them dull.

But then they do anyway.

One minute you're babbling about inventing a new snack for them to try and then your eyes flicker just beyond his shoulder and it's lights out. Your voice stolen from your throat and your glow diminished like a flame drowned by the ocean.

His brow furrows and he's turning before you can stop him - expression instantly morphing to something dangerous - a dark, deadly shade of calm where the only hint of the coming storm within him is an almost missable twitch of his jaw.

It’s your ex.

The one you wouldn’t allow Benny to kill despite everything he did. The one who reduced his fucking warrior of a best friend into a mere shadow - an empty husk cleaved in two. He remembered your grief hitting him like it was his own, the way you couldn’t sleep and couldn’t eat and your eyes seemed in a permanent state of glassy red whilst you stared numbly at the walls of your bedroom.

He had felt lost, scared to smother you yet equally worried of making you feel abandoned if he tried to keep his distance and in the end he had simply thought fuck it. If you wanted to be left alone you would tell him to fuck off and until that happened he would be a permanent presence at your side, dropping bags of your favourite food beside you for when you had the energy to pick through them and then slipping in the bed to curl himself around you.

You had murmured one day, voice smeared with sadness and a sense of self-loathing that had made Benny feel like his heart had been slammed against the bones of his ribs, leaving the muscle aching and bruised.

“You must think I’m pathetic.”

He had frowned, carefully turning you in his arms and dropping his chin so he could look into your eyes when he asked. “Why would I think that?”

You refused to meet his gaze however, seemingly far more interested in the old, worn fabric of his t-shirt beneath your fingertips. “Look at me Benny.” You had huffed, annoyed. “I’m supposed to be the best of the best but instead I’m a fucking mess over a break up - unable to function like a normal human being just because I caught the man I thought I might marry sticking his dick in his secretary.”

He’d winced at the reminder, the memory of your devastated voice, hitching with rattled sobs, when you’d called him straight after. Drawing back to study you then, he could still see the ghost of that raw agony, the echo of it present in your downturned lips and the bone-deep weariness lurking in your eyes. But there’s also more - the stirrings of white-hot rage lurking beneath your pupils that you refuse to allow to break the surface.

He knew you were attempting to skip over the uglier stages of your healing. Preferring to feel nothing because you have this tendency of turning your anger inward and letting it fester rather than deliver it at the feet of where it belongs. It pissed him off to see you doing it then and so he’d switched tactics and prayed it wouldn’t backfire horrifically.

“Hey, anyone would be just as upset if they were in your position.” He shrugged casually. “I mean c’mon, the secretary? The lack of originality is just insulting.”

Benny felt you go deathly still - a statue in the circle of his arms - and held his breath.

“That’s what you think I should be upset about? The fact he wasn’t more imaginative about who he cheated on me with?” You spoke, incredulous.

At least you hadn’t straight up punched him.

“Not just that obviously but he could of at least been less of a stereotypical dick and fucked the CEO or something.”

“Mm, because sleeping with the boss isn’t cliche at all?”

You were finally looking at him by then, using his chest as leverage to hover yourself above him with brows pinched like you were trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with him. He pretended not to notice - to be deep in thought before he snapped his fingers and grinned.

“I got it - what about the janitor? You never hear about anyone fucking them”

“Well for starters, the janitor is a dude.”

“Even better.”

“He’s like seventy Benny.”

“Everybody loves a cougar - ouch!”

He jerked as you pinched his hip, arms binding tighter around your body out of reflex and causing the weak press of yours keeping you above him to buckle. His chuckle had died in his throat as you’d fallen back into him, every inch of you pressed together and your nose brushing his whilst you’d regarded him.

He had felt something expand in his chest then - a swell of warmth that had made him swallow hard. He hadn’t managed to make you angry, his attempt at getting you to work through that part of your break up had failed but the end result was undeniably better. You were smiling. Not a full blown grin or anything close, it was subtle - just a faint curve of your lips but it was enough to make Benny practically giddy, like he’d taken a shot of pure adrenaline or liquidised sunshine.

He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t missed your smile.

“I know what you’re trying to do.” You’d chastised him half-heartedly . “Asshole.”

Benny huffed a soft laugh. “You love me anyway.”

He felt your fingertips at his jaw - a fleeting, hesitant touch that had him sucking in sharp breath as your gaze swirled warm.

"Yeah, I do."

A tension had bloomed between them in the following silence, his eyes searching yours before subconsciously dropping to your mouth. He breathed and you moved with him, sunk deep into his chest with his trembling exhale as your head dipped lower until he felt like he could taste you on his tongue.

It would have only taken the slightest movement to kiss you - a small lift of his chin to seal his lips over yours and drink you down the way he'd secretly wished to for years. But he couldn't. It would be wrong when you were in so much pain, your judgement clouded, even if it was what you thought you wanted.

He could kiss you and you'd regret it - you'd be mortified no doubt, either blaming yourself for using him to make yourself feel better or resent him for taking advantage of you in such a vulnerable state. And he couldn't bear the thought of either.

“C’mere.” He murmured instead. The tips of his fingers trailing over the swell of your cheek before they cupped the back of your head to tuck you back into him. He wondered if you could feel his pulse where your mouth skimmed his skin, if the wild thrum against your lips gave away how easily you could affect him without truly even trying.

The air was still heavy - still swollen thick with want and longing and the confusion he could feel in the trembling drum of your fingers over his heart. Benny wanted to kick himself, he hadn't wanted to be another person who made you doubt yourself and you never would if you knew just how desperately he was clenching his jaw to stop himself from spewing his fucking feelings everywhere.

To stop him saying. "If you want me to kiss you I will - I'll kiss you until I can't fucking breathe, until my damn lungs burst - just not when you're grieving for another guy. Come to me in a month, several months - a year. I'll wait and I'll kiss you until you can't remember any other name but mine."

Instead he croaks softly into your hair. "It's not pathetic to be weak when you need to be. Take as long as you need, I've got you."

You healed eventually.

You suffered and you overcame it - cried yourself dry before deciding one day that enough was enough and you bloomed once more. A wildflower sprouting from the rotting corpse of your ruined relationship.

There was no mention of what had nearly happened between you and Benny. And he was okay with it. He dealt with the fact you were probably just seeking comfort - that you didn't feel the same - because at the end of the day having you in his life as just his best friend was infinitely better than living without you. And as long as you were happy, as long as he kept getting to see that glow in your eyes and the dazzling beam of your smile then Benny was happy too.

But now you're not.

You're looking at the asshole who ruined your fucking happiness for weeks and he can see you crumbling that little bit. The ghosts of that old pain and humiliation coming back to twist the loveliness of your features into something shadowed - haunted.

He reaches out to touch your hand - to knot his fingers with yours - whether to steady you or lead you away or whatever he doesn't really know because all of a sudden that voice is splitting through the air. Your name yelled across the store in such a way that it instantly feels like a cheese grater being thrust over Benny’s nerves.

You blanch. Fingers tightening around his as your eyes dart from over his shoulder again and then back to his in horror.

" Oh shit - what the fuck do I do? He's coming over."

"Break his nose?"

"I'm serious Ben."

"Oh well in that case then…stamp on his dick?"

"Benny!"

It's the panic lacing your voice that does it - that makes him lose any real rationality whilst his eyes flit between your rapidly approaching ex and the insecurity bleeding through every move you make.

Your trying to smooth over your hastily shoved up hair, picking at your clothes and Benny wants to slap your free hand away and snap at you to stop it because he can't understand why you don't see how fucking gorgeous you are no matter how you're dressed.

He glares at your ex again - close enough now that Ben gets the perfect view of him realising just exactly who you’re standing with as his face twists to something ugly (uglier).

Good. Let it stick in the asshole's side like a rusty knife that Benny’s still religiously by your side, that he failed spectacularly in trying to drive a wedge between the two of you - something you had never seemed to realise but Benny had sniffed out immediately. He watches the way you’re ex’s eyes narrow at your hand in his, something disturbingly possessive lurking in the soulless depths and fuck no, Benny thinks.

Like hell is he going to let this dick think he still has any right to look at you in that way - or any kind of way ever again after tonight if he can help it.

“C’mere.” He murmurs low enough for only you to hear - his heart diving into a quickening pace at how easy you slip closer, the way you happily let him tug you into his chest - so similar to that moment back in your bed. You blink up at him and he nearly forgets there’s a reason for what he’s doing but then you're breathing his name, Ben?, soft as whisper and he gulps as his eyes drift to your lips and his hand leaves yours to brush permanently bruised knuckles along your jaw.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” He sighs, desperately tries to ignore the ache in his chest when your eyes widen - lashes fluttering in surprise. “I won’t let him make you doubt yourself, not again, not when he’s the one who fucked up. Let me show him what he’s missing.”

And then he pressed his mouth to yours.

It's chaste at first, innocent, a barely- there whisper to test the waters in case he's crossing an irredeemable line and you decide to shove him away, disgusted. You don't. You return it almost immediately - soft lips moving gently beneath his own - a hesitant exploration that has Benny kiss drunk far too fucking easy.

But then he deepens it - the wet nudge of his tongue making you gasp into his mouth, fingers scraping up his chest and around the back of neck to twist into his hair and press him closer. He burns with it - his whole body going up like kindling - there was a broken sort of noise that echoed in his ears and he dazedly realised it had come from him just before your tongue curls around his and he forgets everything.

There was no room left between them, Benny had you utterly sealed to him, the heat of you searing him despite the many layers and even then there was a part of him that craved you closer, like if he could crack himself open and let you crawl inside, he would. He’d give you everything he could as long as you kept kissing him like that, your pretty soft mouth sounds swirling in his ears as it becomes something more hungered.

If he wasn’t careful he’d end up lost to you completely. Maybe he already was, because it’s not until he hears an obnoxious voice pipe up right next to them that he realises just how utterly consumed he’d allowed himself to become.

“Am I interrupting something?”

You tense and he kisses you once, twice more. Sweet brushes over swollen lips that keeps your attention solely on him even as his mouth finally parts from yours achingly slow. His thumb trailed a path to your mouth where he rubbed at the spit-slick shine left there and grins golden with pride as you shudder with hooded eyes under the new attention.

“Ahem.”

Seems your ex is still as arrogant and impatient as ever and it only makes Benny’s grin morph into a shit-eating smirk when he watches a flood of deep-seething irritation burst behind your pupils. He’s turning before you can say anything, slinging an arm around your shoulders to tuck you tight against his side - an unnecessary display after the show you’ve both put on but he’s positive it’s worth it when the vein in your ex’s forehead seems to throb whilst he looks ready to combust.

“Oh hey Steve” Benny drawls easily. “Sorry buddy, didn't realise you were there, long time no see.”

Not since you cheated on my best friend and left her broken.

For a moment he thinks Steve will back off, abandon whatever stunt he’s trying to pull by approaching you when he hears the grit in Benny’s tone - the shade of threat lingering just beneath the feigned politeness - and shifts warily. But apparently he’s either a hell of a lot dumber than Benny remembers or he’s deluded himself into thinking nothing will happen to him in such a public space because he decides to ignore the blatant hostility radiating from as he dismisses Benny with a shrug and focuses on you.

“I’ve been busy. I work out of town more now I’ve been promoted.” He says smugly, condescension rife in his tone as he adds. “You look... good.”

You snort. “Thanks. But maybe don’t let Sienna hear you say that or has she come to her senses after finding you hanging out the back of someone else too?”

Your tone is glacial and if it was directed at Benny he’d seriously consider just fucking running for the hills - you’re terrifying when your mad, a fact that all five of the guys readily admitted when you served together - but it’s not and he can barely hide his amusement, tucking his face into your hair as a laugh desperately tries to burst free.

Steve only tuts at you, annoyance flashing across his features like he can’t believe you’re still not over it as he chastises you like a child. “Not this again. I told you that was just a one time thing - that I was just stressed with work and she was there. You didn’t have to make it into such a big deal.”

He stiffens. “A big deal?” Benny echoes, furious, just as you straighten to your full height and your expression shifts to something flat - a touch too calm.

“We were engaged. We were talking about buying a house big enough for kids, what kind of reaction did you expect when I found you fucking your secretary.”

“I expected you to understand that I had needs and you hadn’t been there. I was under a lot of stress and you were always too busy with ‘your boys’.”

Wait a fucking minute.

He and the other guys had barely seen you at all before the break up. The day you returned and found out about the cheating you had just spent the week with them but that had been the first visit in months - Benny calling you half frantic because Will’s fiancé had left him and his brother had spiralled hard. You had dropped everything and come running and it must have bothered the asshole in front of you that much that he’d immediately done the worst thing he could just to spite you.

The realisation breeds a whole new brand of anger, the strength of it smashing against the walls of Benny’s skull, screaming through his chest as it rattled the bones of his rib cage whilst he fought to lock it down. You, on the other hand, looked suddenly ill - stricken as your train of thought clearly followed the same path that Benny’s had stumbled down only seconds before.

“I barely saw them.” You whisper before a snarl takes over your face. “I barely saw them because you always complained that I spent too much time with them and not enough with you. Because you accused me of being too close and having feelings for them.”

Steve purses his lips, arches a cool brow as he gestures at where you’re still snug beneath Benny’s arm - your own snaked around his waist in what Ben knows is an effort to ground yourself and not the incriminating evidence of romantic intimacy that your ex thinks it is.

“Well it seems like I was right after all doesn’t it?”

Benny is fucking done. He’s heard enough. He had suspicions that Steve hadn’t liked him, that he hadn’t approved of your friendship. But to hear that he hadn’t liked you being friends with any of them, that he effectively did his best to keep you away from the guys who were your family whilst accusing you of potentially being the unfaithful one, makes Ben so fucking delirious with rage that he almost can’t breathe from the force of it.

“You’re a piece of shit” He seethes, ignoring your warning murmur of his name as he drops his arm from your shoulders and takes a menacing step forward. He watches as Steve's eyes widen slightly before he can hide it with a scoff, uselessly trying to make himself look more intimidating when faced with Ben’s broad frame.

“Who the fuck do you th-” Steve hisses but in a blur Benny surges forward, shoving the bastard into the shelves behind him and pinning him with both hands fisted in your ex’s collar.

“You’re a fucking piece of shit.” He reiterates, this time harsher, his voice rough with all the violence crashing through his veins. “She has always been too good for you. You knew it, we knew it, the only one who didn't realise was her and that’s why you were so fucking desperate to keep her away from us. Because you knew she would have figured it out a hell of a lot sooner with us right by her side.”

“I wanted her away from your pathetic fucking pining.” Steve spits and he freezes. Shock like a punch to the face, momentarily making him loosen his grip and your ex takes quick advantage, lunging forward and knocking Benny a few steps back in your direction. He laughs cruelly as he takes in Benny’s expression awash with surprise, a spiteful gleam in his eyes.

“What? You didn’t think that I knew you were in love with her? How could I fucking not with the way you constantly trailed after her like an adoring puppy.” He sneers and Benny’s stomach drops as he hears your sharp intake of breath. “Tell me, how does it feel to have someone else's scraps? Though I guess you’re used to that now aren’t you - always second behind your brother in school and your career, so why should it be surprising the girl you wanted didn’t want you first either.”

Buzzing in his ears fades to silence.

Red mist then a total black out.

Benny doesn't even realise he's lost it until he's suddenly face to face with you. Until Steve is back to being pinned to the shelving and you’re wedged between his shrinking frame and Benny’s heaving one. His sudden burst of rage is still an unruly thing - still beating around inside his head, a furious scream that you’ve stopped him from repeatedly smashing his fist into your ex’s face until the flawless nose he’s so proud of resembles a lump of mangled meat.

But you’re there and your hand is clasped around the fist Benny had unknowingly reeled back and the other one has smoothed out from its stern grip on his bicep to sweep up, up, up until you’re cupping his jaw and brushing your thumb over his cheek.

Once you see you’ve got his attention you draw his forehead to yours and murmur. “Benny don’t listen to him okay, listen to me, he’s not worth it. Everything you ever said about him was right and he’s not fucking worth it. And I’ll be damned if you get arrested because of a worthless piece of shit like him.”

You grip his chin - press the softest kiss to his mouth without the slightest hesitation and his heart spasms. “Let’s just go home, yeah? I don’t want to waste any more time on him. Not when I just want to be with you.”

The last part was a whisper - just for him - and he deflated with it. A balm to the jagged edges of his rage that you seemed to only ever be capable of providing. “Okay.” He answers simply, roughly, and you beamed as he yanked the hand still wrapped around his raised fist to his mouth and planted a ridiculously sweet kiss to your knuckles before stepping back and pulling you with him.

He begins to lead you away, his head turned slightly to call over his shoulder to your ex. “I would say see you around, but I’d rather put a fucking bullet in both my eyes before that happens.”

“Fuck you Miller.” Steve spits. “You’re pathetic, she’s using you and you can’t even fucking see it. She’ll chew you up and spit you back out and you’ll probably still be begging her to let you fuck her, you sad fu-”

You slammed your fist into his nose and his insults shattered into a high pitched wail of agony. Benny hadn’t even seen you move - couldn’t even remember feeling you tug your hand from his you had been that fast. A hurricane cased in bone and flesh, striking before anyone else has time to blink. He watched you with his mouth agape as you shook your hand out - flexed your fingers with a dark, fleeting curiosity before your gaze swung back to the man bleeding and whining on the ground at your feet.

You stalked closer and he actually cowered - pride swelling in Benny’s chest as power radiated from every inch of you. He admired it as you dropped into a crouch, as the venom Steve prepared to weakly spit withered and died on his tongue when you lent forward and whispered something Benny couldn’t hear that made your ex gulp and nod frantically. It’s stupidly fucking attractive and he can barely regain control of his features that have glazed over in a near all-consuming want before you rise and turn back to him, the movement lazy with self-satisfaction.

“Ready to go?” You grin.

Christ, he’s so fucking in love with you.

Benny’s face fell then. If you heard what your ex said and believed him, then you knew it too.

Fuck.

The ride home is tense.

Did you know? Is he supposed to ask or does he wait to see if you mention anything? He tried studying you out of the corner of his eye as he drove, the streetlights illuminating your features but nothing else, no hint of what you were feeling - if you had any certain feelings towards things you’d possibly overheard.

Even watching you now he feels at a loss. Like a code he’s always been able to decipher has all of a sudden switched up on him and he doesn’t even know where to start cracking it again. You flit around his kitchen easily, searching for whatever drinks and snacks you can find because you had to leave behind everything you’d picked out at the store once you realised it probably wasn’t a good idea to hang around after technically assaulting someone, and he doesn’t realise you’re talking to him until you’re stepping close to wave a hand in his face.

“Earth to Benny.” You laugh and he blinks, startled, before offering a sheepish grin that soon morphs into a concerned frown as he gently grabs your wrist.

A noise of discontent rising in his throat whilst he inspects your hand. “You’re hurt.” He grunts and before you can shrug it off he’s letting go to drop his hands to your waist - lifting you on the pine countertop with a cheeky grin at your surprised yelp of his name.

“Just sweeping you off your feet babe.” He winks and you snort before rolling your eyes - muttering jesus you’re such a dork as he hunts for the first-aid kit under the kitchen sink.

“Haven’t you saved my ass enough for one night.” You tease as he slots himself between your legs. “Seriously Ben, it’s just a few scrapes, I’ll live.”

“Not if you get an infection, now stay still.” He mumbles - pulling out wipes, antiseptic cream and a roll of bandage before picking up your hand to inspect the damage again. “You got him good.”

“Yeah well, serves him right for thinking he can say shit about you.”

His lips twitched at that, quickly hidden as he uses his teeth to tear open a wipe - using the distraction of tending to your hand to ignore your gaze on him - the way his body was reacting to your proximity now he knew what it felt like to have you pressed into him. Kissing him.

“Benny?” You murmur softly and he makes a quiet noise of acknowledgement, a rumbled hmm in his throat before he glances up at you when you don’t continue.

You were chewing your lip - a hesitant look on your face - and there’s barely a chance for his stomach to drop, for him to think fuck, this is it, when you suddenly blurt. “Why did you kiss me?”

Because I couldn’t stand to see you breaking all over again when you’ve come so far.

Because you deserved to make your shithead ex feel as insignificant as he made you feel.

Because you needed my help and I’d give my fucking soul if it meant you never had to doubt yourself that way again.

He runs each reason through his mind and discards every one. They’re too revealing - these truths that he weighs on the tip of his tongue too heavily threaded with another.

I love you.

So instead he shoves it all back, his eyes dropping back to where he’s applying the cream to your hand whilst he scrambles to come up with something that won’t make you too suspicious.

“Mistletoe.” Nailed it.

“Mistletoe?” You echo, the choked off noise of barely-restrained laughter colouring your tone. So much for avoiding suspicion but he could work with this.

“Mhm, saw it and had a moment of divine inspiration. You're welcome.”

“Benny, it's April.”

He shrugs, a smirk tugging at his lips as he rolls out the bandage. “Maybe they forgot about it, not everyone has the decorations down practically a day later like you weirdo.”

“Yeah because you make me put them up in November Benjamin.” You huff back.

And then there’s silence - a heartbeat moment where they just stare at each other, all soft, warm smiles and breathy laughter and when did you get so close because Benny is sure as hell when this conversation started you weren’t right there - right where he could see every individual fleck of colour in your eyes and the way your lashes flutter as his breath fans over your lips.

There wasn’t a damn thing he could do to stop himself. It was like you stared right through him and he was helpless but to spill everything - to peel back his skin and crack apart his ribs to let you take a peek at the mess of his heart just so he could sate that unsatisfied gleam of curiosity you held.

“I hate him.” He declares with a sudden vehemence that has your eyebrows raising and your lips parting in surprise. “I hate that he hurt you and I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it. I hate that he made you feel like you were worthless and I hate that he can make you doubt yourself even after all this time because you are fucking incredible and an absolute badass and lets be honest we’d all probably be dead or at least severely maimed without you.”

A choked laugh slipped past your lips then, watery, and the sight of your trembling smile and glistening eyes made him ache - made him yearn to wrap his arms around you and cradle you flush against his chest. Instead he took your face into the warm cup of his hands and swept his thumbs in tender strokes over the swell of your cheeks and resisted every cell in his body screaming at him to kiss you there and then until they were both breathless.

“Do you know what I think I hate the most?” He whispers, shuddering slightly as your fingers trail gently up his arms to rest around his wrists. “That he had everything. Everything I ever wanted and he threw it away like it was nothing. I could kill him for that alone.”

You suck in a breath and he forces himself to hold your searching gaze whilst his heart threatens to erupt. “Ben” You eventually croak, head shaking. “I know today has been a lot, but please, don’t say anything you don’t really mean.”

"When have I ever?"

You frown, wary. “Are you trying to tell me that you- that what Steve said? Was that true?”

He has to tell you. He’s got this far, got this semblance of relief blossoming in his gut because he’s coveted these feelings for so long and despite the fact he knows it’s gonna hurt like hell in the end, it also feels good to finally be honest with you. And maybe if he just gets it out for you to tell him that you don’t feel the same then he can find a way to not make things weird and move the fuck on.

“Before I answer that.” He coughs - clears his throat - his mouth suddenly dry as bone. Fuck, this is terrifying. “I need you to know that I’m not expecting anything from you. I know you don’t feel the same and it’s okay - I’m okay with it. I don’t want to lose you so if I get it out in the open, we can work past it and nothing has to change.”

“Benny.” You murmur before one of your hands leaves his to cradle his jaw.

His eyes slip closed. Now or never. “I love you.” It punches out of him - powerful like so many of Benny’s emotions have always been. A blunt force - or too much, as some people have told him and he can’t help but fear you might now be one of them but he also can’t stop. “I’ve loved you since we were kids, I just never realised. At least not until you were with Steve and I saw all the ways I would treat you better if it was me being allowed to love you and not him. And then it hit me just how much I wanted it to be me, I was just too scared to do anything about it. I’m sorry.”

When he looks at you your eyes are wide - glossy. And for a horrifying moment he thinks his feelings have upset you so badly that you’re about to burst into tears, his hands falling away from your face as he takes a step back when a heavy wave of nausea rocks him. But then your expression changes, morphs to something mystified - a touch incredulous.

“And you think that I don’t feel the same?” You question, quiet voice edged with disbelief that he desperately tries to not fold all of his hope into, and your nose scrunched with adorable confusion.

You continue. “You don’t think that I loved you the moment I met you? That I’ve imagined kissing you a thousand times over and not just because I wanted to get back at some asshole ex?” You’re tripping over your words now - chest heaving as they pour out of you and all Benny can do is blink - stunned. “God, I practically followed you everywhere! School, the army and now here. Did it never occur to you that I only started dating Steve because I thought you would never love me like I loved you - I never wanted all the forever stuff with him, not at first anyway. I wanted it with you Benny.”

I wanted it with you.

With you. With you. With you.

Those words went round and round in his head like a damn carousel - drowning out every other thought until it was the only one he had left - shining under a hundred garish lights. He can’t breathe. “I - I didn’t –” He stammers and your expression melts.

You reach for him and he all but stumbles back to you in his haste to hold you against him. To smooth his large hands up your sides as your fingers curl into his collar and an amused smile tugs at your lips. “Me neither, but now I do.”

And then you're kissing him.

You’re kissing him and he’s drowning in it - lost to the heat of your mouth crushed to his. The hand that has thread through the curls at the nape of his neck - clenching - dragging him closer. He’s cradling your cheeks, gently teasing your tongue with his own and it all burns sweet until you moan - breathless - into his mouth, almost making his damn knees buckle. Making him ache in a way that disarms him entirely.

He could do this forever he decides. Could die a happy man with his fingers hooking beneath your chin to deepen the kiss and your knees jerking in response, squeezing his hips. You shiver when his arm winds around you, wrenching you tight against his body as you cling to him and his name pours from your lips like warm honey.

A softly gasped “Benny.” that drips golden pleasure down his spine.

And he must make a noise - some low, wrecked sound in the back of his throat - because you pull away just a fraction, eyes flickering over his face. Drinking down his hungered expression, his dilated gaze slipping from your own to your kiss-swollen lips before he drags it back up again.

“Do you want me?” You whisper, your hand slipping over his side and to the bottom of his back, dipping beneath the layers of his hoodie and shirt to splay across heated skin. He can barely focus, his forehead falling to yours as he shudders beneath the gentle stroke of your fingers. He feels the touch like it’s inside him - like they’ve sunk through flesh, tissue and bone to fist around his heart.

Christ.

“Of course I do.” He rasps.

“Then show me - I’m yours.”

He sucked in a breath before his lips crashed back to yours. His tongue surging past your teeth to tangle with yours - to devour you with a singular, overwhelming urgency. It grips him - possesses him - and it takes a herculean type of strength to remove himself the centimetre it takes to husk into your mouth. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

You clutch at him, seal your body against his so he can feel the way your chest heaves - the way you’re trembling for him - and smile against his lips. “Fuck me Benny, please.”

He hauls you forward then, off the counter - his mouth refusing to part from yours even as he stumbles - attempting to navigate you both to the couch that he swears is suddenly a million fucking miles away whilst you laugh into the kiss. You don’t make it. They bounce off a door frame and there’s a curse hidden beneath more laughter before you say fuck it and pull him down right there.

Your back hits the floor and he’s stretching over you - caging you in - his hips nestled into the cradle of your own, slowly grinding whilst you pant against his mouth. He pulls back an inch and stares - tries to brand this image of you in his brain because fuck it’s doing things to him. You’re glowing with arousal, your eyes glazed and warm with it - your lips swollen and parted as your breath hitches when the thick outline of his cock catches you just right.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” He murmurs and your responding smile is blinding. It knocks him flat - makes his heart stutter. He drops his head before he can get too entranced - presses featherlight kisses along your jaw, down your throat - gently scraping his teeth along the curve as your fingers catch in his hair.

He travels down your body, hands skating down your sides until they reach the hem of your (his) jumper and with a quick glance and a soft smile at your nod of approval, he’s lifting it up, up, up. Revealing the warm, silken skin of your belly, then your ribs and finally your lace covered breasts to his worshipful gaze and wandering mouth. A shaky breath blows past your lips when he kisses your stomach, your fingers clenching in his hair before they jerk as he drags his tongue from your belly button to the edge of your bra.

“Jesus Benny, are you trying to make me explode?” You whisper and he chuckles. A rough, throaty sound as he nudges his nose along the swell of your tit, his mouth hovering just shy of touching whilst he glances up at you with a cheeky grin.

“Of course not darlin’.” He teases. “Not yet anyway.”

Then his mouth closed over your nipple and whatever witty comeback he could see brewing on your tongue cracked into a choked moan as you arched into him, your thighs tightening as he flicks and pinches at the other with his fingers. He swirls his tongue over the wet lace before ripping it down to taste your bare skin, teases the stiffening bud between his teeth whilst your hands cradle his head closer to your chest.

When he’s drunk his fill of your soft little sighs, he slips down. Trailing hot, open mouthed kisses over your ribs - your stomach - the patch of skin above your waistband until you're tilting your hips up in a silent plea.

Like he would ever refuse you.

He curls his fingers in and tugs, shucking your sweats off along with your underwear before he wedges himself between your thighs, hooking one of your legs over his shoulder so he can hold you open and feast on the sight before him - your pretty cunt all shiny for him, making his mouth water.

He drops his face closer, groans into the warm skin of your thigh he’s currently nuzzling, planting a dozen kisses laced with worship. “Fuck, you smell good.”

You do. You smell a little like him - his body wash lingering on your skin from where you’d grabbed a shower after work - and the light tang of sweat, the musk of your arousal mixed with something his brain can only offer up as purely you. He’s drunk on it - lightheaded - and he can’t resist tasting you any longer as he shoves his face into you and licks. Buries his tongue between your folds to lap at you from hole to clit before latching his mouth to the swollen flesh and sucking hard.

Your whole body jerks with it - your palm slamming to the floor beside you as you wheeze. “Oh my god - Benny.”

His eyes snap open to watch you, raking over your expression that is drenched in pleasure, the raw vulnerability of it nearly enough to make Benny lose his damn mind before the movements of your hand catches his attention. You're skating it over the carpet - fingers flexing - attempting to twist into the coarse fibres in an effort to ground yourself and failing.

He’s reaching for you without another thought - his hand leaving the iron grip it has on the plush skin of your ass to snatch up yours - entwining both your fingers before he squeezes. Silently telling you, use me - anchor yourself to me - it’s okay, I’ve got you.

Your head falls back as he teases his tongue at the rim of your fluttering hole - a cracked whimper escaping your throat when he switches the wet muscle with his fingers, slipping two into the soaked heat of your pussy whilst his tongue swirls over your clit. You’re grinding into him now, bucking into his mouth - fucking yourself down on his hand as he curls his fingers and strokes the patch of tissue that makes you chant his name like a prayer.

Like something golden and pure.

He’s torn between never wanting to leave your cunt and pulling back to watch you writhe beneath him - letting all the praise that’s crashing through his head come spilling out so he can see the way you go liquid - eyes glazed over - as your cunt drips and pulses around his fingers. You cry out when he twists his knuckles and he can’t resist. Inching back from your flushed sex to growl your name, a smug smile tugging at his lips when his thumb presses against your throbbing clit and your body spasms the moment your eyes flutter open.

“Look at me baby.” He husks, cock twitching when your gaze slides hazy - lust drunk - to his. “Want you to look at me when you cum okay - think you can keep those pretty eyes open for me?”

There’s sweat beading at your hairline - your lips parting around a moan before you offer a jerky nod. “Yeah benny - fuck - just don’t stop, please.”

“Good girl.”

He feels you clench around him - dangerously close to splintering as your pleasure thunders closer. Your eyes are burning into him - blazing - growing darker when he shoves forward to get his mouth back on you. Body stiffening when his tongue curls into you, lashes over your clit until you cry and your thighs clamp around his head like you're trying to crush his skull.

He’d let you. He’d let you do anything with the way his name is pouring from your throat - your fingers laced through his hair, curling tight and pressing him to your spasming cunt as the first wave of your climax crashes into you.

“Benny.” You sob.

And then your hand is a steel vice on his own, desperately holding on as tremors wrack your frame and your pussy contracts and gushes around his fingers. He groans at the feel of you painting his face, the way your mouth drops open as he drinks you down - half feral from your taste - until your head falls back and you’re kicking at him to pull back and let you breathe.

When he pulls his fingers out of you, you shudder, eyes that were fluttering closed popping back open - staring as he sucks the slick fingers into his mouth and licks them clean before releasing them with a lewd pop.

“Always knew you’d taste so sweet.” He breathes, chuckling when you release his hand to pass it over your sweat-damp hair with a softly whispered fuck. He nuzzles at your thighs, presses gentle kisses to the still trembling skin as he strokes soothingly over your legs - your belly - your sides with his warm hands until your own wordlessly reach for him.

He climbs back up your body with a grin - a shining, satisfied thing that he’s sure probably takes up nearly half of his face and you huff a quiet laugh when he meets you face to face.

“You’re adorable sometimes, you know that?” You smile - eyes alight - your fingers skimming his jaw.

He snorts. “That’s the word you’re gonna use for someone who just made you c-” He teases, grin widening when you cover his mouth with your fingers and jokingly warn.

“Don’t ruin the moment Benjamin.”

He laughs and kisses you instead. Warm and slow like syrup as you pull him down until he’s draped over you, his tongue in your mouth - still tasting of you - and your thighs caging his hips.

He rose and sat back on his haunches to let you strip his shirt - his hand curling around the back of your neck to drag you back to him, mouths connecting again and again the instant it’s over his head and dropping from the tips of your fingers to pool onto the floor. You flatten your palms to his chest - sweep them out and then down, exploring the expanse of his muscles - your fingers slipping over every dip and ridge, making his breath hitch.

He shivers when your mouth trails over his jaw, when he feels teasing nips marking his throat before there’s an open mouthed kiss pressed over the scar on his chest as you steadily unbuckle his belt. He helps you rid him of his jeans - his boxers - and then he’s gently pushing you back until he hovered over you once more, his hard cock pressed against your thigh and his fingers sweetly pushing back a stray lock of hair as his forehead dips to meet yours.

“Hey.” He breathes - voice dropping low - his smile achingly soft.

You seem to melt beneath him, lips quirking as you nudge your nose against his and whisper back a tender “hey”.

He shakes slightly when you take him in your hand - a tremor ghosting through his arms - his lungs - as he revels in the soft heat of your fingers wrapped around him, working him before you guide him to the soaked flesh of your core. He kisses you frantically and rasps your name into your mouth when the fat head of his cock breaches your hole.

“I love you.” He exhales. Repeats it as he slides inside you inch by inch - stretching you open.

You choke on a sob - a ragged sound tearing free from your throat, “I love you too.” You pant against his mouth, nails biting into his arms - his back - your legs hooking over his ass to bring him closer as you rock your hips . “God I love you - fuck ,I need you to move - please Ben.”

He goes slow. An oozing honey pace that made him lose his head and his breath with every deep plunge of his cock through the hot, wet silk of your pulsing walls. You cling to him - lifting your hips up to meet each thrust whilst praise bubbles up and pours from your kiss-swollen lips.

There’s his hand grasping your jaw to pull you into a messy kiss and his fingers at the crest of your sex, drawing sloppy circles over your clit - making you clench so tight that he sees stars - and it’s all so good that he can feel himself close to spiralling already.

“You feel so good.” He grunts. “So fucking perfect - just look at you.”

He inches back - just far enough for you to see - for you to watch as your pussy swallows him with every roll of his hips.

“Fuck.” You gasp - the sound strangled “I’m so close - I need –”

You cut off with a sharp cry as his cock brushes up against that sensitive patch of tissue deep inside you, making you drip down his cock and soak the curls at the base of him.

“Shit.” He croaks - fingers fisting in your hair as his teeth bite into the meat of your shoulder before he drops his head into the curve of your neck. “Tell me - tell me what you need baby.”

“More.” You moan. “Don’t hold back - I can take it.”

Fucking hell. Are you trying to kill him?

He can’t deny you though.

Your request rips heat through him - makes him burn. He picks up the pace, fucks you hard and fast until the room fills with the wet squelch of his cock spearing deep inside you and your soft mewls of right there - fuck right there - Benny - baby - it feels so good.

It doesn’t take long for you to go liquid. For your words to turn into senseless, heated babble and your body to try and curl in on itself - stiffening as he drives you to a blissful madness with startling speed.

“Benny.” You whimper - voice barely floating over the harsh slap of his hips against yours. “I’m gonna cum, I’m -”

He quickly drags his head up and fuses his mouth to yours - swallowing your cries - the vibrations of your choked scream as you cum. Slick cunt squeezing his cock so hard he thinks you're trying to lock him inside you, his thrusts growing frantic, dragging your pleasure on until your sobbing - hands desperately grasping at him until he catches them with his own and pins them above your head.

“That’s it.” He praises, switches your wrists to one hand so he can hook the other beneath your knee and hitch your leg up higher on his waist - driving deeper into your convulsing pussy. “That’s it pretty baby.”

A wrecked groan rumbles through his chest, the snap of his hips suddenly stuttering when electricity zips down his spine and surges in his belly. His orgasm cresting without warning and knocking him flat the moment it crashes into him.

He all but collapses into you, his body blanketing yours as his cock swells and coats your insides in warm ropes of his spend. You disentangle your hands from his clenching grasp to cradle his cheeks, drawing him sweetly to your mouth as he pants - too exhausted to swipe away the hair falling to his eyes that’s dark with sweat as his body shudders through the aftershocks.

He doesn’t want to move after. There’s a contentment settling in his bones that he’s never experienced before - making his heart go all buttery-warm and soft when his lips slowly part from yours and his eyes peel open.

You’re glowing again.

It radiates from you and he wonders if he’s been painted the same way, if his happiness is as blatant to you as yours has always been to him. If the way you’re looking at him counts for anything then he thinks it is.

“You're incredible.” He murmurs - snaking his arms under your head and your waist - folding you into him. You wind your own around his neck in return, lips spreading into a sparkling grin as your fingers drag softly through his hair.

“You’re pretty amazing yourself Benjamin.”

He wants to tell you that he feels it. That you make him feel that way.

Here in your arms he doesn’t feel like he’s less - you don’t make him feel like he’s got to push himself to match expectations created by someone else, like he falls short just by being him and not them. He’s enough in your eyes, always has been, and he doesn’t know how he ever managed to deny loving you when it’s been right in front of his face the whole time.

You make him glow.

And he’ll love you for it until the day he dies.

Main taglist: @autumnleaves1991-blog @ecuadorlady @readsalot73 @acourtofsnakes @justanotherblonde23 @tiffanyblew @alexmarie29 @simsiddy @dihra-vesa @gingerbreadandpaper @sleep-tight1 @prettylilhalforc @mstgsmy @wildmoonflower @h-hxgirl

#benny miller x reader #benny miller x you #ben miller x reader #ben miller x you #Benny Miller #ben miller #Triple Frontier #triple frontier imagine #triple frontier fanfic #triple frontier fanfiction #garrett hedlund #garrett hedlund characters

1K notes · View notes