#although blind max is beautiful; she doesn't deserve it :(

[callusedhand]

He shouldn't have sent that letter. He regretted it the second Max left his room, leaving behind Ash's gun, some fresh clothes and an uncomfortable silence that dragged on, allowing his mind to wander for hours on end. Days could have passed, for all he knows... Doesn't he deserve happiness? Doesn't he deserve to go to Japan, to see the city Eiji's from, to escape this hellhole? What's left here for him? The nightmares? The weight of responsibility that he doesn't fucking want anymore? Hasn't he defeated enough enemies to deserve a happy ending? Isn't his life meant to be filled with anything other than gunshot wounds, prying hands and laughing faces imprinted on his eyelids?

No.

No, this is exactly what his life is meant to be. Who's he to try to wriggle out of fate's grasp? She's made it clear this is just where she wants him. Alive, while everyone else either hurts him or dies. He'll be damned if he lets her get Eiji too.

No, it's a good thing he sent that letter. Maybe his little onii-chan will be satisfied enough to let go and live a life that doesn't include everything that's bad with existing, a life that doesn't include Ash and the danger, the trauma he brings with him. The magical touch that Eiji has, the one that makes Ash breathe just a little more easily, is not worth the price his life holds. Somehow, it's also not just about Eiji's safety. The last time he got shot... Ash barely remembers the atrocities he's done. The way he wasted bullets into bodies that were still warm, but already dead, all to feed that insatiable beast within him that wanted to see the world burn the very same instant. What else is he capable of when he's blinded by that kind of rage? When is it going to become too much to bear? When is his mind going to finally give up?

When is the next time someone offers him an easy way out with a gun to his head, this time loaded with at least one bullet?

What's stopping him from doing it right now?

He reaches over to the bag on his bedside table, admiring the sleekness of his revolver. He snaps the cylinder open, just to make sure this isn't another fluke, then snaps it back when he's satisfied with the number of bullets in the chamber. Ash's fingers brush along the gun's barrel almost tenderly, thanking it for helping him protect those he was able to save, while mourning those he couldn't at the same time. Just one more life... one more and it's done. Is this what salvation feels like?

Although he's in somewhat of a trance, Ash's built in reflexes take over once more when he hears unexpected commotion by his hospital room, shoving the gun under the sheet he's covered with, but he remains sat upright, staring at the door before it even opens. The nurses aren't supposed to come check on him for another two hours.

But, oh, then the door is ajar, and, oh, oh, it's him.

This feels like another sick game, like he's trying to pull a knife out from his bleeding heart, only to watch fate push it in further and twist. Her evil cackle is ringing in his ears, while Eiji stands there, beautiful and safe, so safe, as long as he doesn't take another step closer.

But he does, because of course he does, he always closes the distance when Ash needs it most, offering the warm kindness without asking for anything in return. His heart is full at the sight of the other, as if soaked in honey, but his eyes are empty, red, hollow. He's not going to let fate win this one.

Ash's hand emerges from under the covers, holding the gun tight with his index finger hovering over the trigger, aiming at Eiji's chest.

"Leave,"

Time heals everything.

These are words that Eiji has been clinging onto as of recent, repeating them as if they were a sacred mantra. His trip to New York was supposed to represent just that: a means of healing, coming to terms with events from his past and starting anew. Little did he know about what was to follow; that he’d end up being pulled into a whirlwind of events, challenging himself in ways unimaginable as a result.

Trapped in the middle of an urban jungle, he found out the hard way that survival of the fittest wasn’t just a saying. Eiji challenged himself repeatedly and learned that he was capable of doing the unthinkable — enough so that if he was to put pen to paper and write down the events he’s gone through, they’d feel like they belong to a movie. Once upon a time, he’d believe the same; now, he knows that it’s all very real. Life as he used to know it was no more and that wasn’t the result of being held at gunpoint, or sustaining various injuries. Not even the kidnapping or near-death experiences weighed as heavy on him as the impact left by a certain individual.

Ash Lynx, the one person that changed Eiji’s life permanently. The person he never had the chance to say goodbye to — rather, the person he was never meant to say goodbye to. Maybe he’d been foolishly optimistic in that regard, because the two of them were worlds apart; not just physically, but the lives they led were nothing alike.

(Yet somehow, Eiji managed to keep up with him. So then, why—?)

As vivid as his recollections are, they feel like nothing more than a dream. And so does the letter that Eiji receives from Ibe one day while at work, alongside the request to not open it until he is back at home. A long-awaited sign, one he spent hours on end reading over and over and over again that evening, until each word was memorized. Each comma, full-stop, smear, everything— all of it, committed to memory. Happiness blends into unspeakable pain, turns to laughter and peaks in an angry outburst at the sheer audacity that Ash had to deem their friendship impossible.

Taking a trip down memory lane never felt more painful, but Eiji’s mind was made. Be it out of sheer stubbornness, selfishness or perhaps a mix between the two, he would heed his heart’s calling, regardless if he was welcome or not. It was a risk he was willing to take and he wouldn’t turn back until he’d hear those words come directly from Ash. Then, he would accept things as they are; bury his feelings into the ground and make peace with the fact that he tried, that he did something—

That's right, it was Ash that taught him that too. Doing something, not only for yourself but for others. How simple actions can ripple just like the waves caused by a rock breaking the surface of the water. Now was the time that he could show him that— the person he’s become, how much he’s grown right under the watchful gaze of those brilliant emerald eyes.

Once upon a time, he found it difficult to depart from Japan. This time around, he does it with ease and the moment the plane takes off, it feels as if a burden has been lifted off his shoulders. It isn’t until he lands back in New York that nervousness begins to creep up on him — they momentarily dissipate when he’s provided with the distraction of texting Ibe, as well as Max, but the moment he enters a taxi and the car starts driving towards the hospital where Ash was? He was back to square one.

No amount of mental preparation has him ready for their reunion. Eiji has gone over a great many things he could say, going as far as imagining how full-on exchanges could go between himself and Ash. Yet the moment he stands facing the door to the room where Ash is kept in, his legs feel indescribably heavy. No longer running on adrenaline, Eiji mellowed out and finally, his fears began catching up to him.

Any dramatic entrance that he might’ve considered, where he marches in and scolds Ash for being incredibly stupid dies out the moment the nurse tells him he can come inside. He wasn’t ready, yet he wanted nothing more than to see the other, to hear his voice and… Whatever else he wanted, Eiji didn’t know. And it was the fear of the unknown that got to him the most.

A hand grasps on one of the straps of his backpack as he takes a step forward, followed by another and then one more, all until he moves past the door and into the same room as the man he wished to see more than anything and anyone else in the world. So then, why…? Why was Eiji sad? Why was it so hard to speak now, when he has so much to say?

“...Do you still think I’m not welcome here, Ash?”

[starsundertheceiling]

I’m probably a little late to the party (heh) but there’s something I’ve noticed concerning color theory and Max, and Max in general

When she is introduced to us as MADMAX, her situation with Billy makes her feel lonely and angry. She’s wearing red clothes (with a white stripe!) and her hair is down (letting her rage roam free).

In here, she’s clearly annoyed. She’s just left Billy’s car, Mr. Clarke made her stand before the class and named her Maxine when she just wanted to melt into the background and get over her first day at an unfamiliar school, still not thrilled about having to move from California.

Still, she’s zipped down, since those people didn’t do anything especially hurtful towards her and maybe she’s a little hopeful about them. 

When she’s mad after an interaction with Billy she’s wearing red:

Darker red! She’s at school where she won’t have to deal with Billy for a while. She’s cooling like lava but there’s still one streak of the anger in the back of her head.

When the boys approach her, her zip-up sweatshirt is unzipped to show some of the color underneath. She’s happy! She will not let her guard down completely but she won’t hiss at them immediately! Still, she’s ready for disappointment and snapping right back to being fully red.

Yellow is not a lighter shade of red, but it’s definitely close on the color wheel. Closer to white, too! She is showing she’s not only mad, there also is softness inside her! It’s still a shade connected to red (anger) but yellow by itself is more of a happiness color. She wants to make friends but is still scared because of the new environment and Billy.

In the car with Billy (the scene where he wants to run over the party), the entire scene is shot in a way that’s barely letting us see her clothes. It’s mostly covered by hair, too, but we can see it’s still at least a little unzipped as there’s a bit of the yellow collar visible.

In the scene, she’s defending Hawkins saying, that it’s not that bad and that she can’t see any cows (yellow). She’s scared of Billy, so she’s trying to cover up her sympathy towards Hawkins and towards the boys (with red and her hair, Billy saw her get out of the car with the sweatshirt zipped up and hair down, now she’s covering her softness with what is familiar to Billy, so that he doesn’t see anything has changed, notice that softness and hurt her. That’s exactly what she does when she says she doesn’t know the boys trying to protect them from getting ran over).

Yellow! Fully yellow :) She’s happy to be shown weird pollywog-like creatures with the rest of the Party!

Right after Will gets possessed, her question as to what “true sight” means gets brushed off by all of the boys. She’s hurt and feels excluded, but her hurt makes her angry again. Next time we see her, she’s all red again.

“Party members only! This is non-negotiable.”

“I thought you guys wanted me in your Party!”

At the arcade! She’s already acclimated to Hawkins, and the arcade is her favorite place. 

Alright, I’m getting tired and my third eye is slowly closing, so I’m going to wrap this up quickly, since I think I presented what the gist of the idea is.

In season 3, yellow, patterns, colors! She is now fully a member of the party! She has friends, she knows the secrets, El is back. This is the happiest she’s been.

Clothes are important in both of the girl’s characters! (El changes from murky colors to vivid patterns when she finds herself and there’s a post about El shedding layers of blue in season 4. I’d link it but can’t find it, I’m sorry!) There being a scene like this, with them fooling around with their clothes is basically the peak of happiness :)

Here Max gets really worried because of Billy. She’s feeling a bit guilty ‘cause that’s her step-brother that’s sowing chaos and hurting her friends. El is straining herself. The situation is looking BAD. Blue!

Beginning of season 4

Blue - she’s grieving and feeling guilty, Black coat - she’s hiding herself in a shell. She’s not particularly hiding her grief but she can close off at any moment.

(Btw Lucas is also wearing a blue shirt with some coats. I’d say he is sad because Max dumped him and doesn’t want to tell him things but the coats have a couple of colors because he’s hiding away his nerdiness in order to be cool :) 

Now, the overcoat is blue with yellow elements - Max is being honest about her grief. She’s targeted by Vecna, the Hawkins gang knows she is SAD. It’s her last day, she can unfurl. The sweatshirt is unzipped and showing red and white underneath, the same colors we’ve seen her wear when we first met her. The girl that slammed the door of Billy’s car. The one that was scared of him. That girl is still inside Max. 

Sometimes, she’s wearing this. Grief covered up with brownish-reddish... Red. She’s going back to her previous self, she is talking to Lucas again and he SEES her... But to get that shade of red you go more towards black on the color wheel. She’s not that vivid, fiery red anymore. There are bits of that girl deep inside her, but she’s too tired to make it her entire self. She’s tired.