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shiro-0197 · 4 years ago

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aw shiro, my love, don't worry about it!! i only hope you're okay and safe :d please only reply when you're free, and don't feel bad about it!! >:(

my day yesterday was okay, i've just been relaxing, and studying occasionally. went out to explore a nearby town too, it's so pretty there. and much colder (since it's a highlands) of course!! Today was great too. I bought doughnuts (they're amazing?? I love doughnuts), and I had instant ramen, but it was SO spicy I nearly died. (Three bottles of water later, because someone finished all the milk in the household *cough* me *cough*) and I'm still just reeling. Sucks having such low spice tolerance HAHA. I'm listening to some old school hip-hop rn, while typing this out :D how were your two days?

here are some i'll be using to teach english :d and that would honestly be much appreciated, he's getting on my last nerve rn. (I included the first few, what do you think?)

thats such a priceless feeling i so totally agree. you're so precious 🥺🥺 i'm sure they're prouder thank you imagine. you're so dedicated!! i'm sure all that extra research you've done will definitely pay off. it's good that you know what the job is roughly like, so you'll be really prepared when you finally do start it. you know that one scene, in the 2nd season of the great pretender? when the chinese mafia boss emphasizes the importance of a translator in literally everything? (like that book award example) i may be getting the thing muddled up, but i found that so cool. like yeah, a book or speech could be absolutely beautiful, but if everyone can't enjoy it due to it being a different language, it would be such a shame. i just find translators really important. sorry, i'm really dorky haha 🥺🥺

awww but i think your personality type is wonderful. a lot of my favourite characters are intj (they're all so precious istg grrrr) yes!! i was in a tooru brainrot yesterday too 😭😭😭 (saw a bunch of couples on my walk, and I was like "if only Tooru was real grrrr") and yes?? there'd be so much to learn from each and every one of them. dedication from hinata, savage lines from tsukki, kindness from yams/yachi, how to be a dork 101 from atsumu. aaaah 😭😭i'm sorry they're all so wonderful.

No pftttt I totally feel you. I saw some people without masks today and I was like "bro wtf" and just really loudly said "I sure hope everyone starts following the rules so the cases don't increase" because I'm a lil bitch like that xD

awww okay!! I'll definitely keep that in mind. Mayo makes everything better, tbh >.< aww that's understandable! I don't have specific preferences but hearing the phrase "soggy cheese" makes me want to cry somewhere :( I don't like nuts in chocolate. I'm very passionate about that? XD ikr??

I'm surprised too, I usually never pass on murder, but I guess you're just special like that 👉👈 sir I'd get married to you as many times as you'd like 😼 oops sorry for being cheesy, but—you like cheese ;)

I won't ask why, don't worry. Since I kinda feel the same about Malaysia tbh. It's a love hate relationship, I think HAHA but yeah 😣😣 i don't look up to US at all, and it sucks because people generally do. And I'm just like ;-; why (no offense to Americans tho lol)

is that even legal omg they're so chaotic?? XD how cute tho. Angel does stuff like that all the time too, but I'd never know that when I first met her (she has the most perfect exterior, and then when you get to know her; she's the biggest dork) Schools opening on the 20th, I can't wait to see her then :] (I can, however, wait for the exams which are scheduled for the 25th ugh)

peanut butter is indeed yellow, not up for discussion hehe :) here's my favourite hues!! I love gentle, soft hues like these (pastels) , for yellow; I don't have a favourite. they're all wonderful

ahhh no that's so precious of you!! :)) I'm smiling rn.

yeah skdhskdjsk I'M JUST SO GRRR. Whenever someone goes "hey Ari can you ______" and we both respond?? The tension?? In the air?? Bro skdjskks. 😔🤚 You share a name with one of the most precious characters too tho!!;

This is Shiro from Voltron hehe. I love him so much, just like I love you (tho I'm sure we both know I love you more <3)

I share a name with a book character. His name is Aristotle Mendoza, but his crush-turned-boyfriend calls him "Ari" (which has been my nickname since I was 12). Reading it for the first time was the BEST feeling ever. It's also my favourite book, "Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe".

—Ari :D (no pfttt I love the tag so much. I have my own tag, that's like the best thing ever 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺)

Heyyy I'm so sorry for answering so late!! I know you said not to apologize but..... well hmm no excuse I just feel like apologizing, but either way thank you for your patience!!♡ This is the third time I'm rewriting this, and this time I'm doing this in my notes because fuck it😔

Im glad to hear that!! Highlands are always so pretty. Wish we had those here, but it's only steppe here:( Boring~ ooh, donuts!!! They're really good. I havent much, but I tried them like 3 times and they're so good. I really hope I will get to eat more<3 also WHAT'S THOSE NOODLES' NAME I WANNA KNOW- Are you feeling okay now, though? XD

My days were nice!!! Felt as if I had been hiding three bodies, but I've been feeling better lately. We had online school yesterday so I'm excused from the errands for the half of the day, thankfully. But your messages make me very happy. Though I dont always feel like writing a response (or I get stressed because it doenst save) so very sorry for that😔

Ohh those look so pretty!! I'd totally join to just look at them. The colors are so nice🥺 it looks like one of our olympiad prep slides, though better. I dont have the screenshots sadly😩 Either way I really love the little details like the squiggly thingies or the Ж .... they seem unnecessary but the energy changes a lot without them hehe

I really hope they will be🥺 that'd mean a lot to me. And I'm also really hopeful itll work out. I really don't wanna disappoint my family, which is literally just one person. The less people there are, the more it hurts, you know?

Yeah, that scene meant so much to me!! I dknt remember much, but I was very happy they said something like that, because I've been told being a translator wont work out for me. Now look at me, I'm about to tell them to fuck themselves<3 I was also so surprised to see Laurent know that many languages ..... I aspire to be like him😩 And honestly, I havent though so deep of that but you opened my eyes and now I'm about to float off into the next universe😭 dont apologize though, its very cute!!!♥︎♥︎

Heheh, I guess you're right.. every single anime INTJ is a silent sexy mastermind and I love them . ... YEAH every single time I see a passing couple i cry because I dont have anyone 😡💔 and sometimes when I see people doing something amusing (which includes people failing cuz I'm evil) I just imagine one of the characters doing that and I smile all the way xD Honestly, I'd sell my father on black market for a single day with one of them:( though that may sound like a really low price because his cigarette filled lungs wouldnt cost a lot... I sound like my 7th grade self again I'm so sorry

BAHQHHANEJWJD I HOPE THEY WERE EMBARRASED. I HOPE THEY FELT AWKWARD AND OTHER PEOPLE DID TOO, they deserve it. Like, learn your lesson bitch, it's been a year!

Yeah!!! I love mayo, not to the point where I would gulp it down from the package, but it does make dishes taste good. Same, soggy cheese on itself sounds like a dish served in the ninth circle of hell. You should try nuts in honey!! Like, just straight up dip them in honey. Sounds weird, and it doesnt always taste NEJFJKSKF (depends on the honey)but I think it's worth trying xD Walnuts are the best with honey I think

That was so funny ... TOO FUNNY, I LAUGHED FOR LIKE . 3MINUTES STRAIGHT and I do not laugh when I'm tired. You really are special 😭😭😭😭 cheesy ... HAHRNFJJSF

I'm so sorry for being a bully like that but it's so funny how you left a single U there . Its so mysterious, was it in purpose? Or were you lost in the excitement if messaging me?

I was one of those people, honestly 😭 but mostly because I wasnt aware of its political condition, I guess. Maybe theres more than just politics that's bad about US, but honestly, it has more opportunities than this hellfire. Though now I'm more into Norway and Japan. Really wanna travel there :(

Heheh, yeah, we never really show off to strangers at first. I dont know what exactly I mean by we, but you get my point ♡ Good luck though!! I hope it goes well for you<3

Oh they looks so pretty!! They're really wonderful. Like bubblegum and cotton candy and literally anything sweet... it's so cute !!! And I totally agree, there isnt a bad yellow.

HAHAH, honestly, that reminds me of how there were 4 people with the same name in my class, and whenever the teacher did the attendance thing, they would all stand up. Teachers usually dont say the last names, so we always gotta ask which person they mean if theres more than one person with that name, so yeah.. That happened on accident at first, but then they just did it for trolling xD

OH MY GOD HES SO PRETTY? HES SO PRECIOUS?? HUHHH??? I gotta thank Kuro for this wonderful opportunity of sharing a name with someone like .... him🥺

Oh that's so cool!! Also, he has a boyfriend ... I really need to start reading xD it's so cute though! It sounds like such a good book, I'm glad you share a name with him, hehe!!

I also share my real name with one of the characters in a kids' show, and its SO ugly, I'm in pain. Every time my friends see one of those on TV they go

Which is a pain in the ass, it's so embarrassing...........

Awh, okay!! I'm glad you love it, cuz I do too. Because it's your name.... cuz I love u. That was so lame PLEASEJWJDJSJF I HOPE YOUR DAY WAS GREAT !!! LOVE YOU

#Ari💕#💞💞💝💝💗💖💗💖💕💝💕💝💓💖💗💖💓💖💕💖💞💓💝💕💝💖💓💖💗💖💞💝💕💘💕💘💖💖💗💖💓💖💖💞💖💝💕💘💘💗💝💗💖💓💖💞💖

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holdmetightordont-2 · 5 years ago

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hi :0

i have 300 pages to read, and yet here i am, remaking my tumblr. yep.

hi, my name’s ray. i’m 23 and i started my first year of grad school two weeks ago. i already want to die.

i’m not sure if this’ll be more of a personal or fandom blog yet. we’ll see. it might be a combination of things. i’m not bothered about followers or anything like that, so there’s no real incentive for me to make this blog known for a certain entity. i do want this blog to be somewhat organized though, so i’ll make sure i tag everything. ya’ll can blacklist any tags you don’t want to see.

i suppose the purpose of this post is to introduce myself, and sort of...blog about my first few weeks of grad school.

i’m tempted to reveal every single aspect of my life, as i do on my personal twitter account. i’ll try to be as appropriate as i can, in case someone irl finds me. i do think i’ll be somewhat recognizable, based on my research and interests, but that’s alright.

based on my username, you could guess that i am/was a big fan of fall out boy. i still listen to their music, but less so these days. about a year ago, i rewatched inception, one of my favorite movies in high school, for the fist time in years. after 8 years, i became obsessed and was pleasantly surprised to see that the fic comm is still around, churning out arthur/eames fics. it’s fantastic. i uh...love inception so much that i...did this...

i had it finished right before i moved for grad school. i’m pretty pleased with it :)

originally, i planned out a somewhat large-scale tattoo with my tattoo artist -- i wanted matching tattoos on my ribs of a rose garden, firstly because they’re one of my favorite flowers, and it would symbolize beast/highlight, the first kpop band i ever loved. then...in march, all that shit came out about junhyung -- who is a piece of shit, by the way, and i no longer really interact with fandom because of all the people who still support him -- so that obviously was called out. tbh, i’m so glad that all was revealed in march, bc i was supposed to get it in may. i would have really considered a cover up if i had gotten it before he was called out, tbh.

anyway! after i got the first half of the inception tattoo, i went to study khmer for the summer out of state. it was...an interesting summer, partly because of the teachers. khmer was h a r d. i hated the state i was in. i actually applied to go that school for my MA and i’m glad i made the decision not to go back in april.

after that, i returned home for a bit, finished off the tattoo, and promptly moved to...paradise. i’m trying to be vague here, but you can probably guess where i moved. it’s just beautiful here. the culture is so rich. i’m surrounded by such good food. i’m very excited about the classes i’m taking, the people in my program (anthropology) are so nice. i’m so so so so excited for my research.

but i’m lonely. i’ve made a few friends, but i feel kind of excluded from the group that formed in my cohort. i can tell that they hang out more together, and haven’t really invited me (though i haven’t sought them out either). i’m just kinda bummed about that. but it’s okay, i’ll make friends.

i’m also suffering from health issues...i’ve had a hives viral infection for the past two weeks. it’s been fucking hell. nothing really helps except for the steroid i’ve taken the past few days. it just really fucking sucks. i’m itchy all the time, especially at night. in fact, i’m itchy right now, and i’m kind of glad i’m doing the all-nighter since i can’t go to sleep with this anyway. i hope this doesn’t last too much longer.

i fucked up real bad, y’all. i still have that 300 pages to read and weeks worth of khmer to do. my macbook actually broke yesterday, but thankfully i have my old one with me. it’s not a good excuse, really. i’ve been lazy. i hope i can better manage my time this upcoming week. maybe limit all-nighters to once every two weeks, or even better, once a month? that’d be nice.

on another note, i’ve been trying to cook more recently since a bunch of my kitchen supplies finally came in. i made a japanese curry with potatoes, carrots, and kabocha yesteday and it’s pretty good!! i wish i’d gotten a spicier roux though. it’s kind of a miracle that i like it so much, because i almost never eat vegetables. i guess the trick is to simmer the veggies until they’re super soft and absorb all the flavors.

i also found recipes for a turmeric pad thai, “golden” (turmeric) broth noodles, and egg kimbaps that i’m excited to try!! there’s a small japanese grocery store that’s in walking distance from my dorm, but it doesn’t have all the ingredients i need. i also still need to order a mini fridge. but it’s been working out so far!! also want to make carne asada burritos!! i want to make 3 for this week and have the other 3 frozen so i can sorta meal prep throughout the month. i bought a meat thermometo and i’m just. so excited. because i have never made proper steak before, like the kind that’s rare or medium rare? it’ll be great.

okay, i think this is a good place to stop. it’s nice writing about everything here, cohesively. i’m a bit of a rambler on twitter (not that i’m not here, clearly), but i like that i have all my thoughts in a single place, even if there’s no one to read it.

wish me luck on my readings! -ray

#ray's rambles #i guess that'll be my tag for these things now lol #grad school musings

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goldenscript · 7 years ago

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oh god engineering. my brothers and sister who live in sj are all electrical/computer engineers bc silicon valley and im just here like.. hello itsa me, the bio major haha!! what’s your major btw? but ahh thank you sm!! midterms are coming up for me so i have to start prepping for that. i always stress out because i know that i should be stressed but im not stressed so.. I STRESS LOL?? the grind neva stops /insert in money, sweat, and muscle emojis. so ive learned that im a lawless soloist (1/?)

but overtime i convert into a team player, very interesting. ALSO JENNY DIED FOR ME I WAS SO SAD :-( also i love an enlightened woman, u do u boo. show them what’s up and drag them to the ground if u must!! im lowkey hoping that magic really does exist and that the sole reason why we don’t really see it/remember it is bc.. idk magic lmao. let a girl dream ok!! i also really mess with mutants. i loved xmen as a kid!! even though at the time i didn’t understand much haha. sjsu’s spring break (2/?)

is the same time as davis’ from what i heard BUT IM PLANNING ON GOING BACK TO SAC >:( and ofc ur welcome!! i love u more!!my week was cool, took 2 midterms that were actually easier than i expected!! hope your week’s been swell too! omg girl the thread had me so fucking weak, esp jin's and kook’s. OH HAVE U GONE TO PEKOE? if so what drink do you get?? im basic and i go for manly melons lmao, issa classic. but here’s the link: twitter(.)com/21stvietgirls/status/946244376946081792 (4/4) -sjsu

that makes sense since silicon valley is tech central! lots of money in that! i’m an english major so my life is gonna be papers and papers and more papers dkjfgshfjsh and probably a dash of teaching. i’m probably double majoring in asian american studies as well but we’ll see! but omg, good luck at being a bio major! i hear it’s hard and i can only imagine how much studying you gotta do. i’m wishing you the best of luck for your midterms!!!! it’s my last week of instruction then the following week is finals so i’m gonna hang on until break. keep grinding bb!

but omg now i really want to play the game so i know my results. it’s been too long since i’ve played so lemme just hop on that real quick. BUT OH NO JENNY D: & ayeee, i’m glad you do B) i’m always glad to inform and drag when needed.

also, magic being real??? me too. i always hold onto that hope that it is solely because it’s just a nice thought, like an explanation for some things. to think that it’s not real just feels too sad and empty for me. mutants? fuck yeah! god, i love the x-men!!!! they’re just so cool and the way their powers come from their genes is just... wild to me. like i want that too lmao.

omg, is it really? i want to visit sj but we’ll see!!!! if not, then i’ll def be in sac!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my week was so busy and tiring but i’m glad it’s the weekend because i’m finally sitting down on tumblr and writing and just chillin’. i have some studying to do and hw but i’ll do it on sunday since i did some hw ahead of time also. DUDE I LOVE THAT THREAD SO MUCH AND I WANT IT TO BE A THING, FUCK. SDKFHSKJFH i’ve never gone to pekoe tho!!!!!!!!! i’ve been to tapioca express, sharetea (bless they opened one up by the movie theater near my place), lazi cow, gongcha, teabo, t4, and uhhhhhhh i think that’s it tbh. i’m even more basic because i’m an earl grey gal LOL. that and wintermelon. honestly you can never go wrong with either of those and if you do........... then....................... boba shop wyd

anywho, do you have any plans this weekend or are you chillin’ like me?

#sjsu anon #Anonymous #answered

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cristinagooge · 4 years ago

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mcnsieur · 8 years ago

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Hey friends, so it is that time of year. I am starting on my decent to hell AKA Finals. I have been super slacking this semester with school which is not good cause I have to make good grades to stay in.

I am going on semi-hiatus starting now. You will notice this more next week as I work on registering for classes, and such. Starting on the 20th I will go into full semi hiatus mode. Meaning replies only on the weekends, lurking, and everything going into a queue unless I see it online and have immediate need to reply (this happens with one maybe two threads on both Philippe and Stan and the partner essentially knows who they are).

The twentieth is when I begin my hard core prep. But building up to that I will be finishing and completing my outlines. What this means is my time will be very sparse on here, you may not even see me on the dash. I am always here though I have not left or abandoned. My inbox is open, my IMs are open to mutuals, and if you have a d*scord and we are mutuals let me know and you can contact me there if you need.

from the 20th of April to 30th April I will prepping for my finals which being May 1, and go til May 10. Im letting you know right now Starting on May 1st I will be on in the evening and that will happen every other day following, so May 3, May 5, May 8, May 10 I will likely be on in the evening to decompress from my exams earlier that day. Otherwise I won't be on. I will. be in full on study mode at that point in time.

To reiterate starting April 20th I will be on Semi Hiatus, On April 30th I will be in almost full hiatus except for every other day starting May 1st. May 10th finals end and I will be back. You can reach me through Its if we are mutuals and my ask box. I also am on d*scord if you need me super badly.

Im really worried about my grades this semester so please wish me luck as I finish out my first year of law school. I need good grades to not get kicked out and be able to go to Oxford this summer. Thanks so much guys.

Everything state here applies to Philippe and Stan and my other various blogs.

#ooc #out of fucks to give #the italian vice : psa

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druiidboy · 8 years ago

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PSA : Law School Exams

from the 20th of April to 30th April I will prepping for my finals which being May 1, and go til May 10. Im letting you know right now Starting on May 1st I will be on in the evening and that will happen every other day following, so May 3, May 5, May 8, May 10 I will likely be on in the evening to decompress from my exams earlier that day. Otherwise I won’t be on. I will. be in full on study mode at that point in time.

Everything state here applies to all my blogs

#ooc #out hope #psa

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taesthetes · 7 years ago

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(1/?) Travel-anon-hi! I'm all better now, thank you :D! It's okay to be sporadic on instagram - it's your own page, haha! Time to find a small spray bottle then~ Oo, have fun with your internship when you do do it then! Those are always really nice to experience! Yeah, Hong Kong is def one of the more expensive Asian countries, haha, but it iiiis really nice there! Japan's summer was like 38-45 celsius when I went, haha. I'm pretty sure you're gonna be a baked potato - good luck! There's ice-

(2/?) cream taiyaki in Japan, I think? If not, there’s a looot of cute ice cream places there, and lots of specialty Japanese flavours like tofu and ramune for after your taiyaki ;D! First thing I’ll do when I’m back in Japan is go to a convenience store and buy a haagen dazs sandwich haha. Japanese/Asian convenience stores are like the antithesis of grungy X’D they’re almost sparkling in comparison to the ones here in North America. Are there any convenience store snacks you might want to try?

(3/?) Oh! You could always visit your sister’s cat (and your sister) when you’re next free, maybe? And bring your own pet along when you get one :D? What would you name your future pet? That’s true! There does tend to be more modern exhibits around, but I’ve never actively looked up the more traditional older-style exhibits though. There’s a couple here in my city, I think, but the modern ones really do outweigh in quantity to those. Omg, ikr! I don’t get those either!! I literally tilt my head-

(4/?) sideways to look at those, read their descriptions, and STILL don’t get those! The interactive ones are a lot cooler in comparison because you actually get to interact with it, and watch what happens because of you. People in Japan normally took pity on us when we played in Akihabara in Tokyo! Major crane game power there, and a lot of tourists, so I think the people there just kind of expect varying gameplay levels there haha. Nono, I still have ramen at home! I’m just watching my weight-

(5/?) because I’ll be getting costume measurements done soon, and I’d rather not have super high numbers if I can help it, hahaha. It’s actually really hard to hit up everything in Japan! I’ve been a lot of times, but I still see something new every time I’m there! I mean, that’s what makes traveling so awesome to begin with, and life in general though? Oo~ where would you road trip this time? I hope you managed to get all your work done in time, and have fun on the trip & for those bdays!

(6/?) THAT LIP RING. Nothing else really needs to be said to explain your album-decision further XD It’s too bad that both don’t end up in the same album concept, but lip ring ftw. Jimin’s coming for all of us, haha. OMG YEONTAN IS SO CUTE AND TINY AND FLUFFY AND I JUST WANT TO CUDDLE HIM. THOSE EYEBROWS. I haven’t seen Tae’s cat actually? Do you have any photos? I did see the Chain mv! It wasn’t really my music taste, but it was still good! I’m pretty sure my NCT bias is Taeyong, haha. I tend-

(7/?) to like members that are super strong at performance/(super loud)stage presence/dancer? Not sure how to explain it well? Taeyong, specifically, I like his voice a lot. I completely feel you on the bp & f(x) front there. Seriously. I’VE HAD LATATA STUCK IN MY HEAD FOR DAYS, SAVE ME. Yes to listening to comeback groups! I only ever learn all their names when I’m interested enough in the group~ I’ve been in the kpop game since dbsk first started hahaha OuO;; CONGRATS ON THE TSWIFT CONCERT &-

(8/8) HAVING SUCH A BLAST THERE!!! I’M HAPPY YOU WERE HAPPY! Is two hours super early for a Tswift concert? Next time you go, bring a portable charger TuT!!! Or maybe a camera? Do they allow cameras at concerts?? I really hope you get to go again when she does another tour! I’m busy with convention prep right now! I have one next week, so I’m completely swamped, haha. Good luck with your projects and papers, and have a good weekend!!

hello, m’love!! i’m so glad to hear you’re better now! 💓 asdadfkl but i want to have a more cohesive feed, but knowing me, i’m lazy so it’ll only work for a little while. and thank you!! hong kong sounds really nice, and i heard their mcdonalds is super fancy ahaha i want to try their mcdonalds :’) oh my god, that’s boiling hot??!?!?!? that’s 100 - 113 degrees fahrenheit over here, you can literally cook an egg on the sidewalk, what the heck?? aauagh i can’t wear my leggings and sweaters then ):

omg ice cream taiyaki– they just combined to yummy foods to make a mega yummy food :O is tofu and ramune flavored ice cream good? have you had it before? omg i’ll make sure to get a haagen dazs sandwich, too! they are!! omg i wish american convenience stores were nicer. tbh i think i just want to try them all?? i won’t be able to read the packaging probably, but i’ll just take one of each haha

ahhh, maybe! maybe i’ll visit her this summer? or maybe i’ll be too busy catching up on all the sleep i lost during the school year :’) aaskdfjlhas i won’t be able to get a pet until i’m fully settled into my own place and financial stable, which won’t be for at least another two years. yeah, unfortunately for me, there doesn’t seem to be many traditional style art nearby. that’s why i spend hours upon hours in the art museums in europe when i do get the chance to go there. and same!! i read the description and study every angle of the art piece, but i still don’t understand it??

yes! interactive art is super fun, and it’s so cool that you can be a part of art with those. oooh, okay, i see!! hopefully, the people will be just as nice when i try playing the crane machines– or maybe i should just buy the plushies since it might be cheaper than me feeding all my money to those games :’) alskdjfhas but it’s ramen!!! there is no such thing as a high number in weight. every number is great and amazing. but omg costume measurements? what’s your costume for?

yes, i agree!! the fun of traveling comes from seeing new things all the time! heck, i haven’t even seen everything where i live. i think we might road trip to the beach or an amusement park! we’re not sure yet, or we might just drive randomly and see where it takes us :D the trusty gps will always take us back. and thank you!! omg for my friend’s bday, we went to a nice crepe place for brunch and then we did one of those color me mine type places and i painted a cute mug for my father’s day present, and it was so much fun– i miss art so much

OH GOSH, I MIGHT ACTUALLY ORDER THE O VERSION ALBUM JUST BECAUSE OF THAT LIP RING NOW askjdfahls but also i want to save money for the trip, so i’m still on the fence aND YES, YEONTAN IS SO ADORABLE OH MY GOSH LIKE GOOD BYE TAE, I ONLY STAN YEONTAN. ahhh i think i reblogged a post of him and his cat a reaaally long time ago, but if you google taehyung kkanji then i think you’ll be able to find the pics!! my blog is a mess so i don’t know where that post went sadly ):

omg i think i just loved chain so much because winwin finally got a line!!! and yuta finally got a lot of lines too!!! (and thank god because it’s a japanese song and i would’ve sued if yuta got nothing) oooh, taeyeong is honestly the ideal type, like his personality is so darn kind and sweet and perfect and if you talk to any nct stan, i’m 99% sure taeyong is always their bias or their bias wrecker. even if you don’t bias him, you bias him. but also yes, his stage presence is amazing!!! like wow, even the camera people are drawn to him even when he isn’t the center. his english raps are also really funny to read tho asdkjfhals

did you see the bp lightstick?? it’s like one of those toy hammers from weekly idol. LATATA IS SO DARN CATCHY, I FIND MYSELF LISTENING TO IT EVERYDAY TOO. and same! although the exception to that rule for me would be day6 because i don’t know all the members, but i listen to all their songs. and oh my gosh, that’s so long :O since dbsk first started?? i just looked it up and that was 2003 oh my gosh, i was only 4 or 5 then wow.

AND THANK YOU!!! 💘💘 and yes, i’ll definitely have to bring a portable charger next time but aksdjlhflas i don’t have a camera with me unfortunately– my family only has one camera, and it’s left at home, so i only have my phone at my dorm. and yes, i’m sure they allow cameras at concerts! otherwise, a lot of kpop fansites would probably have to smuggle their cameras in haha and thank you, i hope so too :’) omg i hope you have lots of fun at the convention!!! 💕 did it happen already? how did it go? and thank you! i hope your weekend was good, too! how have you been? 🌻💗

#replies #anonymous #travel anon

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kc4ksu · 8 years ago

Text

Transition

Ironman Texas 2017, in Houston, Saturday, April 22, handed me a proposal on the word quit. On my bike in this race at mile 90 is when I decided to look into this proposal. I studied it in depth for 22 miles until I reached 112. Those 22 humiliating miles highlighted every reason why I should quit. I was convinced, by mile 112, to quit. It was time to vacate this race.

Plan A, my only plan, was to compete with the elite for a Kona Qualifying spot.

“If you fail to plan you are planning to fail,” Benjamin Franklin. And, I failed to make a back-up plan, a Plan B.

I have two incredible nieces and nephew, and their ages together add up to less than 22. I call them The Minions.

A couple weeks post-Ironman Texas The Minions and I watched an animated movie. One scene in particular caught our attention. It was about a hippopotamus and its naive audience at a zoo. The audience, who went silent at first sight of this incredible four-legged beast, erupted into excitement after a quick study. They had never laid eyes on an animal of this stature.

The hippo’s reaction to its audience was quite different. It stood motionless for a moment facing the audience and analyzing the situation. Then, casually turned 180 degrees, and began to spin its tail at increasing speed. A loud sound squeaked from its butt to provide the gift of smell to its audience. Then came the big surprise! Its tail launched dung in all directions. The audience’s faces were splattered with poo.

The poo-stricken faces reminded me of Ironman Texas and an inability to avoid disaster.

“I’m done, man. My legs and arms have been cramping since mile 90 on the bike. I ‘soft peddled’ the last 22 miles. Mentally and physically, everything is gone. Honestly, Newland, I can’t wrap my mind around a marathon at this point. A ‘finish’ isn’t why I’m here,” I said to Jason Newland who stood opposite me on the spectator side of a 4-foot tall chain link fence.

I was several hundred steps away from the T2 tent where I would soon, but not soon enough, disappear and hide from reality, or so I thought.

Both my arms draped over the chain-link fence, and as I looked at Newland he was at a loss for words. My actions weren’t fair to him as we stood face to face in this awkward situation. It was our current reality, and 180 degrees from this morning’s high fives in anticipation of crushing the race.

“Come on man, you don’t have anything to prove. It’s totally cool if you hand in your chip and call it a day,” Newland said.

Exactly what I wanted to hear! Newland’s words were comforting. Permission for freedom. It was so eloquent in this moment of despair. A type of despair I call a First World Problem. This is a problem we can easily escape by making a choice. For example, I choose to eat because I’m hungry. It’s not a life or death situation.

“Hey, one more thing,” Newland said loud enough to hear as I started walking towards T2. “You might regret it if you quit.

He deleted the one comfortable thought in my head. Newland cracked my skull open, reached in and pulled out every ‘you don’t have anything to prove’ thought, and crushed all justifications to support the proposal I studied for 22 miles on the word quit. A 26.2 mile run seemed impractical. No, it seemed impossible.

Liz, my wife, landed in Mallorca, Spain, at about the same time I was in my First World Problem. She booked this trip to shadow one of the best tri-coaches ever for a week, Brett Sutton, . She was devastated with the overlap on her trip with Ironman Texas. But this opportunity to shadow Sutton was a no-brainer to continue developing her coaching skills.

At Ironman Texas Liz wanted someone there for me who would say the right thing at the right time, especially in adverse situations.

She chose Newland.

Liz said, “Newland’s the next best thing besides me at Ironman Texas.”

Good choice. He’s a natural leader with a no-nonsence attitude, and no filter between his thoughts and mouth. He is sought after successful pediatric infectious disease MD at Wash U in St Louis. A 2x IM Kona Qualifier. And, simply put, he is a hell of a friend with a history of rising above anything or anyone who poses a challenge to success.

As I continued to walk further away from Newland, and closer to T2, athletes ran past me on my left side. My mind was so far out of this race. It wasn’t a race at this point. I welcomed each athlete to hit me on my left shoulder when they passed, and most did.

I really wished for someone to run me over like Bo Jackson did to Brian Bosworth during their first and only meeting in an NFL game. I wanted someone to put my lights out before I reached the T2 tent.

“Yep, look at that guy. The one who obviously went out too hard on his bike, or messed up his nutrition, or both. He is now mentally and physically broke. Rookie mistake! Enjoy walking that marathon! It’s gonna be a long day,” said my irrational state of mind as I caved in more to my First World Problem.

Once I reached the T2 tent I really didn’t know what to do. I just wanted to find my ‘alone’ space.

I found a chair. And I just sat there mentally numb and watched athletes come in, transition to their running shoes, and disappear towards the start of a 26.2 mile journey.

I realized, for the first time, most athletes in T2 suffer from temporary dementia. It’s the magic that involuntarily suppresses the gravity of running a marathon after a 2.4 mile swim and 112 mile bike.

I was dealing with a reality of a piss-poor attitude. It’s on the other side of the spectrum from magic.

There were several non-helpful comments from athletes experiencing dementia while I sat in T2 suffering from reality.

“Walk the marathon.”

“Stand up and put one foot in front of the other.”

“Take salt. It works.”

“I’m a really slow runner. Come with me. I know you can keep my pace.”

“The wind was brutal out there on the bike, dude. I know how you feel.”

This was like being in the middle of a twitter shit-storm and no way to exit the app. Newland’s comment on ‘regret’ was my platform to a Plan B.

The last thing Liz needed was to be in a worry state-of-mind if I quit. She was starting her exciting journey in Spain.

Newland took time away from his family, and work to be here. I would be a quintessential impression of an asshole by virtue of quitting.

“Excuses are like assholes. Everyone’s got one and they all smell like shit,” Todd Dicus has said many times. One of his many memorable quotes.

I thought about Brother D, Todd Dicus, and all the blood, sweat and swears we shared on our bike trainers this past winter. He was gritting through this same race, which was his 11th Ironman.

My family’s support is unconditional. It’s there no matter what, and I needed to find a way to apply the same unconditional thinking about the marathon.

Michelle Simmons applied insightful training strategies, and painful training sessions, the past several years. Consistency with these training sessions each day provided me a lot of growth as a triathlete, and as a person. So how would I answer the question when she asks why I quit? Would my answer feel justified? No, it wouldn’t.

And, finally The Minions!

“Uncle Casey, did you win your race?” One of them would ask it. Finishing is winning in their mind. Ironman distance triathlons teach adults this attitude if they don’t already believe it. I witnessed hundreds, maybe thousands of adults over the years cross the finish line with the expression of winning by finishing in less than 10 hours or near the race cutoff at 17 hours.

For so many teachable reasons my answer to their question couldn’t be, “You know what, it was just too hard and I quit.”

My sister, Aubrey Urban, sent a video of The Minions wishing me luck the night prior to Ironman Texas. I watched and listened to it over and over again in my head as a sat in T2.

youtube

This was it. This was the magic. The temporary dementia. The game-changer. HOPE.

T2 became my place to recover from the swim, bike and bonk, and not a place to hide. I began to prep for another race for the 2nd time in one day. I finally had a platform for a solid Plan B.

“Hey, is there a time limit on how long someone can stay in this tent?” I asked an official.

“Na, I don't think so. Never been asked that question. I guess stay as long as you want as long as you finish the marathon by midnight,” responded the official.

Volunteers handed me water that I previously denied. I slowly took in calories from food and gels, and electrolytes from salt. I stood up from my chair, walked back and forth, and sat down again.

I repeated this process until the cramping disappeared and my stomach relaxed enough to absorb nutrition.

It was time to let go. I placed my usual securities I wear and carry with me back in the T2 bag, like my Fuel Belt I wear around my waist with hydration and nutrition. My hat, arm coolers, and a cotton cloth I usually tie loosely around my neck to keep the sun off my skin, also went back in the T2 bag.

I slipped on my sunglasses and race belt with bib number 260, and exited the T2 tent towards the next timing mat where the marathon officially started.

The first person I saw was Dave Dicus, Brother D’s son. He assured me Brother D was crushing his race.

The next person I saw was Newland. He was standing near the timing mat at the run start. I could see by the way he relaxed his body language he was relieved, and curious.

“Go! What are you doing? Go! Come on, let’s go!!” yelled Newland. Now, to translate Newland talk. This means are you okay? You look okay? What the bleep were you doing? Looks like you didn’t quit. Nice job. But now it’s real. Go run!

Simmons and I discussed running off heart rate instead of watching my pace in this race. Previous Ironman distant races showed my heart rate slowing in the second half of the marathon, along with pace.

Many variables lead to lower heart rate like nutrition. But together we believe I focus too much on pace, and frustration sets in when I feel I can’t hold the pace I need from mile 14 through 26.2. It’s a mental block. The pace is there because we see it in training.

Heart rate was the one goal I still had left, and I set out to keep it close to 150 beats per minute on average through 26.2 miles.

Running a marathon after a 2.4 mile swim and 112 mile bike really makes no logical sense. But I truly love it. Because, this is the part of the race where all participants are stripped down to their core and everything is exposed like training, preparation, nutrition, attitude and extreme mental fortitude. There is no more faking it. The temporary dementia most athletes experience in T2 is truly temporary, magic disappears and reality takes its place.

So as I gained momentum from a walk to run I crossed the timing mat, and said to Newland, “I’m gonna give it my best shot. Let’s see what’s gonna happen.”

I started this run with a very simple frame of mind, “just run and enjoy the freedom of running.”

As Newland’s voice drifted off I formed a small tiny dot, a mental place, in the back of my head. It was my magic place. With my eyes down and in front of me I focused on that small tiny dot, and never left it for 25 miles.

The cramps constantly pinged my muscles, but every time they surfaced I literally said out loud to myself “<bleep> you.”

Four miles into the marathon and I was still running! I felt damn good except for the constant cramps poking at my hamstrings and quads. At every aid station I splashed myself with water and ice, drank Gatorade and Coke. And, at the end of each station I grabbed calories for the road. In between aid stations I constantly took in salt.

After each aid station it was back to the small tiny dot, and a lot of “<bleep> you’s” at the cramps until I reached the next aid station. Water, ice, Gatorade and Coke. Calories, salt, and the tiny dot. Run one mile and repeat.

At mile 24.5, before I made my 3rd and final turn leading out of a McMansion Woodlands’ neighborhood, and on a descend to the Woodlands River Walk, Newland stood waiting. He yelled, “Kershner, if you keep up this pace you will qualify for Boston!”

My stamina felt great. I increased my pace as I had the endurance to do it, but I really had to focus on using different muscles by shortening my stride with a shallow right leg recovery. My right hamstring locked twice several miles back which stopped me briefly in my tracks. The warning cramp in my right hamstring intensified, but my “<bleep> you’s” kept winning.

Only 1.5-miles to go! I ran by the drunk half-dressed crazies for the third and final time. Near the end of their cheering section a spectator walked and weaved across the sidewalk perfectly timing her meeting with me. As I made contact she was looking the opposite direction. I was shocked how easily she bounced off and into the crowd. The drunk crazies loved it and their cheering loudly increased, and faded into the past.

Only 1 mile to go, and I couldn’t move! It was awful, because I looked to my left and there was the finish on the other side of the River Walk. I was so close, but my right hamstring finally locked, and all I could do was stand strait up and try to keep from falling backwards to the ground.

I reached around with my right hand and jammed my fingers into the back of my right hamstring. It felt like a LaCrosse ball in the back of my leg. It took at least three minutes before the muscle released, and I began to walk with caution. I had to take a few steps and stop, and repeat until the process turned into a jog. At the next aid station I sucked down as many electrolytes as I could before my last push to the end.

My pace slowly picked back up without the debilitating cramp returning, which allowed a ton of enjoyment the last quarter of a mile on the run. I let the small tiny dot go, and began to really soak in the finish. Crossing that Ironman distant finish line was personally the most rewarding one compared to any others.

This was a day packed with many emotions from excitement to pain, to frustration and thought, to focus and busting through obstacles, to finally being overcome by joy.

Jimmy Valvano said it right in his speech at the 1993 ESPY’s, “Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. Number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day.”

A couple weeks post Ironman Texas one of The Minions named Pearl wanted to show me her bike riding skills prior to watching our animated movie. She rode up a neighborhood hill with impressive power and back down several times before coming to a stop. She looked up at me and asked, “Uncle Casey, did you win your race?”

I knew one of The Minions would ask it.

-The End.

Personal Notes on Race Analysis

1:15 - Swim. Lined up in the wrong spot? I couldn’t keep swimmers off my legs the majority of this swim. Tons of bumping, and grabbing for position. I remember at the half-way turn-around how tired I felt from fighting off bodies. I remember the turn into the canal and passing under the first bridge and thinking this swim should be done. I had the endurance from my swim training. I believe I just burned a lot of matches from fighting off bodies for 2.4 miles. I never found a rhythm.

4:29 - T1. Not great, but it was fine.

5:11 - Bike. Bonked at mile 90. Felt like it took 20-miles to shake the swim off my legs. Once we hit the freeway I could see my competition on the two loop course. I measured how many minutes I was behind by marking bridges they passed under. I estimated early in the race I was about 15 minutes behind most of the top guys. I let myself get out of my race and focused on others, which was my plan. I had nothing to lose after finishing 10 previous Ironman distant races, and coming as close to one spot away from Kona Qualifying. I figured if I bonked in this race at least I bonked trying. It was super humid first three hours. Winds shifted and cam from Northwest with 40 miles to go, gusting up to at least 30+ mph. The temps went from hot and humid to actually having a wind-chill on the bike. I nailed my nutrition better than any other race on my bike. Inside of quads seized at mile 90, and there was nothing I could do but stand. Triceps locked and then I had to sit. I rotated between standing and sitting from mile 90-112.

Lap 1: 30′, 150 avg hr, 206 avg np, 79 avg c, 22.5 avg mph

Lap 2: 30′, 153 avg hr, 215 avg np, 78 avg c, 23.2 avg mph

Lap 3: 30′, 153 avg hr, 212 avg np, 73 avg c, 23.0 avg mph

Lap 4: 30′, 151 avg hr, 211 avg np, 74 avg c, 22.5 avg mph

Lap 5: 30′, 151 avg hr, 211 avg np, 72 avg c, 21.8 mph

Lap 6: 30′, 150 avg hr, 207 avg np, 73 avg c, 22.8 mph

Lap 7: 30′, 149 avg hr, 204 avg np, 72 avg c, 23.2 mph

Lap 8: 30′, 147 avg hr, 196 avg np, 69 avg c, 20.2 mph (heading into bonk)

Lap 9: 30′, 146 avg hr, 179 avg np, 71 avg c, 17 mph (bonk)

Lap 10: 42′, 124 avg hr, 152, avg np, 70 avg c, 16.4 avg mph (quit)

21:56 - T2. This was not the plan.

3:18 - Run time. Topped best IM run time since my first one; a 3:23 in 2010 at Ironman Wisconsin. Finally shed that wait off my back.

Lap 1: 1:32, 142 avg hr, 7:18/mile pace. (I could have increased my hr closer to 150, but constantly ought off cramps t try and keep moving forward w/o my legs locking up).

Lap 2: 1:43, 139 avg hr, 7:50/mile pace (this includes miles 25 through 26.2 where I stood motionless for a while, recovered and pretty much jogged it into the finish).

10:11:32 my overall time. 33rd in ag. What’s crazy is I was 45′ from a KQ slot since it seems a lot of ringers showed up for this ‘North America Championship’. Honestly, my perfect race I would have been close to a 9:30, maybe a little faster, or maybe a little slower, but very close to a 9:30. Finishing, and overcoming, was a much better experience than having my perfect race and finishing several minutes away from a Kona Qualification. There’s a silver lining in everything. It’s all about perspective.

Why didn’t I have the race I planned? I conclude it comes down to little things adding up to a great day or a poor day. There were a lot of little things in my prep for this race that exposed my weakness on the bike.

The little things

I only rode outside a couple times leading up to IMT. Knocking it out on my trainer using power is almost always better than riding outside. No stop lights, no traffic, never stop peddling, uninterrupted sets, safer, etc. But, I needed a couple more solid rides outside simply to train other muscles like balancing muscles to fight wind.

I didn’t have much acclamation to humidity leading up to this race. I took the hot baths, saunas, but not enough of them. Through most of the morning on race-day it was 90 + % humidity, and very warm.

I didn’t get in one open-water swim. I’m not big on needing many open water swims. If you can swim, well, you can swim! But, there is a benefit to getting in the open water, similar to riding outside enough to get your muscles used to the elements again.

My mental focus wasn’t at a passionate level it needed to be leading up to IMT. I nailed my training sessions, but it was more because I felt like I ‘had to’ instead of a motivational attitude of wanting to improve. My passion was inconsistent heading into this race. It is not possible to compete at a Top-10 ag level level in these IM Distant races w/o being absorbed with passionate every morning when the alarm buzzes. It’s thinking about everything and how it affects tomorrow’s training. It’s not just about nailing training, it’s also putting a high level of importance on recovery, eating, sleeping, and doing every little thing to have that physical and mental edge on race day. At the end of the day I lacked that passion which was exposed at mile 90 on the bike during this race. Why was I able to nail the run? It’s simple. The training was there to do it. And I found the passion and focus to compliment my deep endurance for the marathon.

#Reds #Redstriteam #mamasimmons #bsc #triathlon #swim #bike #run #trisutto #brettsutton #bonk #nevergiveup #imtexas

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