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lucy90712 · 3 years

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Joan Mir- World champion

My gosh this year has been one hell of a rollercoaster with all the restrictions in the paddock and the crazy season with Marc getting injured and Fabio dominating until he kind of fell apart a little bit. Something I never saw coming was Joan to end up leading the championship not that I didn't want him to because of course if it were up to me he would win every race but it all just happened so quick no one really had any time to take it in before crunch time came and all the pressure that comes with leading a championship.

Now its all coming together and Joan can win the championship here in Valencia where just two weeks ago he won his first race. It's been a tense weekend so far and its only been two days I can't imagine how everyone else in the team feels because this means so much to them to win them championship especially being a new team my only real attachment to all of this is being Joan's girlfriend. So far things are going alright Joan is 12th on the grind which isn't great but it's better than other races so there is still a lot of hope there's just a lot of nerves as well. I can tell the pressure is really starting to get to Joan and I don't blame him but nows really not the time for that so I have really been trying to calm him down because the goal is achievable and he just doesn't seem to realise that.

We barely slept last night no matter my attempts to get rid of the nerves for the both of us it just didn't work although I think I somehow slept worse just watching Joan to make sure he was ok and getting at least a little sleep. The night went by so quickly that I barely realised I was getting no sleep because each time I checked the time it was still around 2am but then all of a sudden our alarm was going off at 6:30.

The atmosphere was very strange because there was a lot of excitement about the possibilities of today but also a lot of nerves about losing it or things not going to plan. I've never seen Joan quite so quiet before a race normally he is always talking about his plans and how he's feeling about the race but today was just silence. He was fiddling with his hands which was a nervous habit of his and he was struggling to eat as was I but I'd much prefer him to eat something. I grabbed his hand under the table and rubbed my thumb over his knuckles to get his attention.

"Hey its going to be alright just keep calm and it will all be ok you just need to keep calm" I said

"I know it just feels like a lot of pressure from everyone else and I want to do it for the team" he explained

"I know you want to do it for the team but we both know they don't want you thinking about that right now you need to be a bit selfish and think about yourself and what you need to do out there on track" I said

That brought out the smile I'm used to seeing before a race and seemed to bring out his usual character that I've really missed this weekend and the past few weeks. We have been arguing more over these past few weeks but in the back of my mind I knew he wasn't really mad and was just very overwhelmed and I knew this because all I had to do was give him a few minutes before he would apologise a million times for starting an argument. The team have noticed a difference as well because they have been asking me if he's alright all the time even if I'm not there during the weekend I always get a text asking me to try and calm him down or do something to help it's been difficult for everyone but once it's over it will all be worth it and things will be better than they ever have before.

Soon enough it was time for warm up and none of us could do anything to change how Joan rode until after he comes back, being just warm up the nerves weren't too much higher than normal everyone was just hoping he wouldn't crash which is a pretty normal thing for me when watching anything during the weekend. I was pacing around the garage the longer warm up went on watching him push the limits more than I would like, another thing going through my head is what I'm going to be like during the race if I'm pacing around during warm up.

He came back after warm up and I let him talk to the team before we got to have some time alone. To try and take our minds off things I grabbed my laptop for us to watch some Netflix for a bit, Joan quickly took the laptop from me and pulled me close by my waist and rested the laptop on his legs. He rested his head on top of mine and pressed a few kisses to my forehead while he gently rubbed my side with his hand that wasn't holding the laptop so that it didn't fall. I really enjoy these little moments together they often stick in my memory more than others and big gestures just aren't my thing so cute private moments are more up my alley as well as Joan's hence why neither of us are big on posting too much together.

The race came around much quicker than I expected and wanted but I had to let Joan leave to get ready and have his last talk with his crew chief about all the technical things that go right over my head no matter how many times he tries to explain them. He gave me an incredibly tight hug and a sweet kiss on the lips before he left meaning the last time I will see him before the race is in the garage just before he goes out on the sighting lap. This last interaction before the race really didn't turn into much he was so in the zone that I just let him do his thing which was the right thing to do but gosh did it make me more nervous. The mechanics made their way out to the grid to greet him while me and the rest of the team stayed behind and they all seem a lot calmer than I am. My hands are shaking slightly and my breathing is definitely quicker than normal making it hard to get in any air under my mask I almost feel like they should put a heart rate monitor on me just for the entertainment of it all because I can guarantee that it will be higher than Joan's at some points.

Lights on ... and lights out. The race is underway just like that and my nerves are straight through the roof I just had to sit down and all I do could focus on was the screen showing the race. The whole garage was focused purely on the race which wasn't going as hoped but Joan had made up a few places but everyone was worried about Franco who was leading the race which meant Joan had to finish 10th or preferably better to wrap up the championship today or else it goes it Portugal. Things were on track but I could just tell that he was struggling with something with the bike which made me even more nervous that he would drop back at the end of the race and everyone would have to go through the same next weekend.

As the number of laps left was dwindling small bits of excitement were building because if the race were to end now it would be done and he would be world champion but I couldn't get too excited yet because there is still 2 laps to go and anything can happen in 2 laps. Joan's crew chief had been sat next to me checking in every few laps to make sure I'm ok even though he knows that the answer is generally no but when I ask him the answer is also the same. Most of the crew were on edge now even if they were fine before everyone was feeling the nerves and excitement.

By the last corner tears were already in my eyes knowing that it was all over and Joan was MotoGP world champion. He crossed the line and everyone in the garage cheered and hugged each other while the tears I was trying to hold back were let go along with many others so that I was sobbing. I watched the screen that showed Joan getting his world champion helmet and celebrating with some crew members although it was hard to see with the mist from the tears but I was distracted by Frankie getting me to head to parc ferme with everyone to greet him when he arrives.

He pulled in on the bike and jumped off almost before they could stop the bike, he ran right over hopping the fences to jump into the group of crew members who were so happy to see him and celebrate with him just like I was. He finally got put back on the ground and came straight over to me giving me the tightest hug I think he could manage before quickly trying to take off his helmet which he handed to someone before pressing a passionate kiss to my lips which was a little salty from the tears that had been streaming down both of our faces.

"How's it feel to be a world champ?" I asked

"It hasn't quite sunk in yet and it probably won't for a while but I'm so happy that its done we can really enjoy the last race now" he said

"I was so nervous that whole time I don't know how you lasted all race being so focused" I said

"I don't know either just in the moment you can kind of focus" he explained

Our little conversation was cut short when he was whisked away for interviews which I know will last for hours now that he's officially the wold champion but just seeing how happy he and everyone else is makes those few hours bearable although I would love to spend that time with him. Having him be busy was actually quite a good thing because I along with the team have some decorations for the motorhome to surprise him. By the time we were done there was balloons everywhere and a huge banner saying 'Mir 2020 world champ' which I have been working to create when I'm alone which took quite a long time but it was so worth it seeing how the motorhome looked all decorated.

The team left me alone to wait for Joan to come back which was the most agonising wait since waiting for the race to be over but soon enough the door opened and I bounced up from my seat to jump straight into his arms which he definitely wasn't expecting but he caught me anyway. He twirled me round before walking into the bedroom to flop down backwards onto the bed where we just laid next to each other holding hands looking at the ceiling. No words were exchanged for a few minutes and they didn't need to be we knew exactly what the other was thinking.

"I love you so much" he said breaking the silence

"I love you more" I replied

"I disagree I love you too much for you to be able to love me more" he said

"Also thank you for putting up with me I know I've been annoying and hard to put up with but I promise I will make it up to you after the season ends" he added

He had more than made up for it already by winning the championship because it makes it all worth it plus just seeing how much happier he is now just fills my heart with joy. If he hadn't already done enough he promised me that we would spend the evening together and celebrate with a few team members but after that he wasn't going to leave my side. Until then he didn't allow me to get up because he wanted to just cuddle and spend time with me before things got a little crazy again for a few weeks with interviews and celebrations.

The time we spent together before the celebration that the team put together was the best he spent most of the time tracing small shapes on my back and playing with my hair putting it into little styles that I couldn't see but were definitely a bit of a mess. Periodically he would press kisses to different parts of my head like the top of it or my forehead, my nose and every now and then he would lean down to my lips there was no reason for it but he did it anyway. Joan can be incredibly affectionate if he wants to be but he doesn't show that side of himself very often so when he does I know he really appreciates me. My favourite part about this side of Joan is that no one else gets to see it apart from me which makes all those moments more special knowing they are strictly between the two of us.

It is strange to think that the same man who earlier was nervous beyond belief is now the world champion and sat here cuddling like nothing has changed even though this is the start of a whole new chapter for the both of us.

#joan mir #joan mir fluff #motogp #MotoGP one shots #motogp imagines #motogp fluff

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randompony03 · 5 years

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Not In Kansas Anymore

Heyooo! So a bit ago, I had a little convo with @spiderversetweets and then I decided to make a fic based off of it, because I'm hella cringey. This might be bad, but whatev. This is the refined version, it's also posted on Wattpad and some of the writting is different.

Wattpad link:

Characters: Helena/MindFang (oc), Virgil/SpiderGale, Roman/Royal Slinger, Patton/LoveBite, Logan/Arachne, Thomas/Rainbow Weaver, MJ (oc)

Summary: MindFang gets stick in a certain spidey boy's room, and is ultimately stuck in his dimension as well. How will she get home?

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MindFang opened her eyes and groaned. What the hell had just happened? One minute she was swinging through Laurence and the next she was zipping down a tube of big time acid trips only to wake up in pain and...in a dark purple room? She sat up and looked around. There were band posters, black clothing items scattered about, and black out curtains. "What kinda emo lives here?" She mused to herself. "Where are we?" Asked the tiny voice of Rosie as she scuttled up MindFang's arm. "I have no clue." MindFang responded. She pulled down the hood of her cloak and took off her mask. A confused look came over her round, freckled face. She pulled out her phone and opened Twitter.

'MFangOfficial: Ok y'all, don't panic (I'm already doing enough of that), but I'm suddenly in someone's room. It's dark and really purple, but I have no idea how I got here.'

With that, she posted it. She signed and scrolled around until she started getting blown up with notifications. 'OMG, you ok?' 'Sis, you need us Topekans to rescue you this time?' '@MFangOfficial idk why, but mood.' She smiled and replied to any and all of them. One in particular grabbed her attention. 'SpiderGaleOfficial: Don't touch anything, I'm on my way.' She stared for a moment at the response. SpiderGale? Was that..a YouTuber? Or was she not alone?

'MFangOfficial:@SpiderGaleOfficial I give you my word. I like your spider though. Also, thanks.'

MindFang thought a moment. Could there really be someone else with abilities like hers? Well, outside her family that is. She watched as Rosie climbed up the leg of the table with a spider tank resting on it. The rose-knee curiously peered through the glass. The spider on the other side scuttled up to her.

'SpiderGaleOfficial: He's a chill little dude.'

MindFang glanced back up at the spiders with a smile as they began to chatter at each other.

'MFangOfficial: Indeed he is. I kinda wanna hold him, but I promised. He's a tarantula right?'

She sat down on the floor. Holding up her mask she rubbed a thumb over it in thought. MindFang pulled the mask back on. She didn't know if this person was actually a superhero. They could be some Average Joe. The last thing she needed was some civilian finding out her identity. That would only add on to the stress today had brought her.

'SpiderGaleOfficial: Yes, he is. If he lets you hold him go ahead.'

MindFang smiled brightly under her mask. She gently lowered her hand into the tank and offered it. The tarantula inside came closer. He hesitated before gingerly walking onto her hand. He happily chirped at her a greeting as she held him up. Rosie jumped onto her and made her way to her new buddy.

'MFangOfficial: You're a real pal. Oh he's so sweet.'

"Who are you texting, Helena?" The tiny voice of Rosie asked. Helena looked up from her phone. "The owner of your new friend." She told her. "Ask them for his name." Rosie said glancing back to the other tarantula. Helena cocked a brow. "Can't you ask him?" Rosie giggled at her. "Yes, and I already did, but you may as well make conversation." She said with a playful smirk in her voice. Helena sighed.

'What's his name btw?'

'SpiderGaleOfficial: I'll tell you when I get there.'

'MFangOfficial: 👌'

Helena eyed her spider companion. "You're a little shit, ya know." She said. "Don't forget it." Rosie laughed. Helena chuckled a bit herself. She felt a tingling sensation in the back of her head. "His name is JD." Came a new voice.

The masked girl turned around to see a boy in a purple and white onesie climbing in through the window. Helena's eyes widened as his did as well. The rest of the world seemed to tune out as an aura of purple and dark grey with bolts of bright lightning seemed to surround him. "..you're just like me." They spoke in unison. Helena went over and began to circle him. "That can't be right. I thought it was just me and my siblings. Is that hoodie built in?" She stopped in front of him, "God I love your suit." SpiderGale chuckled. He extended his hand and she shook it. Helena took off her mask once more. "By the way, I'm Helena." She told him, a smile settling onto to her freckled cheeks. The boy removed his own mask and shook out his purple hair. "Virgil." Helena couldn't help but chuckle. "Nice to see we have similar taste in hairstyles." She said, pointing out their heads being shaved on the same side, hers being wavy and auburn while his was straight and naturally dark with the longer part dyed.

Virgil took his turn to pace around her. Studying her. The two tarantulas on her shoulders, one of them being JD, the silver lining on her suit and cloak, the cool color scheme, the thigh-high Nightvale purple boots. "How did you get in here?" He asked. Helena ran a hand through her half a head of hair. "Well, that's the thing. I'm not entirely sure. I was sucked into some colorful tunnel and then woke up in here. That probably makes me sound like a crackhead though." Virgil stopped in front of her. "It sounds like you need to go home."

"So you said you can clearly communicate with spiders?" Talyn asked Helena as they examined her. "Uh, yeah." Helena watched them. Joan stood back and took notes. "Interesting." Talyn mused. Virgil cleared his throat, gaining everyone's attention. "I think you're getting a little off topic." He said, raising a brow. "Oh, right. Sorry, it's just so fascinating is all." Talyn apologized, stepping away from Helena. They went over to join Joan and began quickly muttering to them.

Virgil stepped over to Helena. "Sorry about that, they tend to get sidetracked when something tickles their curiosity." He explained. "It's fine, I guess. I just didn't think my powers were all that interesting or whatever." She shrugged.

"Well, they are when my friends and I can only partially make out what they say."

"There's more than one of you??"

"Yeah. What, are you the only one where you come from?"

"Well, no. My sister got bit as well and my brother made something called a symbiote."

Virgil raised his eyebrows. "Huh, we have someone with a symbiote here too." Helena looked down at the floor. "What the fuck." She whispered.

Joan and Talyn came back over to them. "Ok, after talking it over we think we can get you home. Although, it may take a while to make the machinery needed." Joan told Helena. "How long would 'a while' be?" She asked. "About five weeks if we can get Logan to help. Interdimensional transport isn't exactly common or anything." Talyn explained. Helena felt her stomach drop. Five weeks? Oh God, what was she supposed to tell her parents? Could she even contact them? Tears began to sting her eyes. She turned around and walked a few paces away. No. God no. Not here. Not now.

"Helena, you ok?" She heard Virgil's voice ask. "YeAH." She replied. Damn it, that voice crack would give her away. Hesitantly, Virgil placed a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, look at me." Despite every red flag her brain was sending her about letting him see her like this, she faced him. "Breath with me. In for three, hold for four, out for seven." He instructed as he demonstrated for her. After a few rounds of this, Helena had seemed to calm down. "Better?" He asked. She nodded. "Better"

Helena had been taken and introduced to Virgil's friends; Logan, Roman, Patton, and Thomas, who seemed more like a tired dad than a friend. Patton flopped down next to her on Thomas' couch. "So, if you're stuck here for five weeks, where are you going to stay?" He asked her. Helena's face fell. "Oh, uh, I hadn't really thought of that." Helena admitted. "And what are you going to wear? Don't get me wrong, I love your suit, but that can't be all you have, is it?" Roman added. "...My civilian clothes are back home." She mumbled. The boys all looked at each other before leaning in and quietly discussing the situation. Helena tuned them out and began to fret all over again. Where was she going to stay? Perhaps she could just bum around town and live like the homeless for the next few weeks? Did they have a homeless shelter perhaps?

The boys stopped talking and turned back to Helena. "Well, I guess you could stay with me for now." Thomas offered. The girl was taken aback. "Oh no, I don't wanna be a bother!" She argued. Thomas shook his head. "You wouldn't. It's not like these guys don't frequently come and go from here." He insisted. Helena was about to debate the offer all over again when the door opened.

A red-haired man walked in and over to Thomas. He slipped his arms around the other's shoulders. "Hey, guys." He greeted with a smile. "Hey, MJ." The boys replied in unison. The man, known as MJ, spotted Helena. The girl was caught off guard and ended up making eye contact. She nervously waved. "Who's this?" MJ asked, standing up straight. "This is Helena. She's a long ways from home." Thomas explained.

"How far?"

"A whole other world far."

"Yikes."

"Yeah. I was just telling her that she could stay here with us until Joan and Talyn finish their transporter."

MJ's eyes shined as he looked back up at Helena. "I think that's a great idea." Helena mentally sighed. It seemed there was no way of getting out of this.

Living with Thomas and MJ turned out to be pretty nice. Thankfully she was able to give her parents an excuse for her absence. Since she had been at the library, last they knew, she had gotten some of her friends to agree to be her scapegoat. As far as her parents were concerned, she was spending the next few weeks at with the Loockes. Through her experience there, she had come to know the rest of the boys pretty well. Roman had insisted on taking her out shopping so she could look her best. Thanks to him, she had practically an entirely new wardrobe. Patton had shown her how to bake practically every kind of cookie. When Logan wasn't helping Joan and Talyn, she'd let him ramble about whatever topic he wished. She thought the number of things he knew was fascinating. Virgil was a lot like her in some ways. They often sat around sending memes to each other and discussing horror movies. By the end of it, they had all become good friends. The time did come, however, for Helena to go home.

She had been sitting on the couch drawing with Roman and talking about cartoons they watched as kids when Logan came into the room. "Helena, it's finished." He informed her. She stared back at him in wonder and blinked a few times. "It is?" Logan nodded. She looked down at her sketchpad. "I honestly thought I'd be a little more excited to go home." She said with a half-hearted chuckle. Roman reached over and patted her back.. "We'll miss you too." A sad smile rested on his face. He understood what she meant.

Helena went to pack what belongings she had. While folding and putting away all the clothes Roman had picked out for her, the door to the room burst open. Before she could fully process the outburst a pair of arms were hrown thrownaround her. "I can't believe it's over already!" Wailed the voice of Patton. Helena smiled when she realized who it was that attack-hugged her. She returned the hug, getting a bit misty-eyed. "I know. I'm gonna miss you,, Pat." She said softly. "Ok Patton, give her some space." Virgil laughed from his leaning position in the doorway. Patton pulled back with a slight whine and glossy eyes. "How did you guys know I was leaving right now?" Helena asked them. Roman stepped in. "I may have texted them." He admitted.

Logan came into the room as well. "Helena, could I see your phone?" The girl complied and handed it over to him. He took off the back and slid what looked like some kind of SD card into it. He popped the back on again and handed it back to her. "When you activate that, it should allow you to keep your contact with us." He explained. Helena smiled so warmly. "Thank you, Logan." Virgil punched him in the arm. "You softie." He teased.

Eventually, Helena had been all packed up, even between all the chatter. She had said her final goodbyes and received an especially long hug from Patton and MJ at the same time. With one more round of goodbyes, she was transported back home in a flash of bright white.

After she had come back inside and spun a tale of what she had 'been up to with the Loockes, she went down to her room and flopped onto her bed. Her phone buzzed as Rosie crawled out of her pocket. Helena pulled out the device. 5 messages from SpiderGang. A smile crept over her face as she tapped on the chat bubble.

PattonCake: Hi Helena!

Sir-Sings-A-Lot: With one more round of goodbyes, she was transported back home in a flash of blindingly bright white.

When she opened her eyes, she was standing on the corner of her block. Looks like those two had a pretty precise aim. She walked up to the front door of her home and knocked. Once her parents had finished interrogating her about what she and the Loockes had been up to, she escaped downstairs to her room. Flopping onto her bed, she felt her phone buzz. Rosie crawled out of her jacket pocket as she pulled the device out. 5 messages from Spider Gang. A smile crept onto her face as she tapped the chat bubble.

PattonCake: Hi Helena!

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: @Bi-Stander Greetings!

Pocket-Protector: If the chip is functioning, salutations.

Dark-And-Stormy-Night: Yo

Could-Be-Gayer: Hey, kiddo

Tears of joy began to sting her eyes as she read over the messages.

Bi-Stander: Hey guys

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And that's all she (I) wrote! This is set in the world of the spiderverse au made by the lovely @sugarglider9603 and @ask-spiderverse-virgil . If you guys read this, I hope you like it!

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Afternoon Janis: Just about Janis: Won't tell anyone you didn't hit me up with the coveted Morning text, like Jimmy: No need when I'm there to do it in person Jimmy: Just use your imagination when you tell 'em how I woke you up Janis: 😏 Why bother when they so ready to do it themselves, like Janis: #yourinfluence obvs Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: Yours is that the 🐶 won't shut up 'bout you #real love 💕 Janis: Dog, yeah? Janis: Not heard that one before Jimmy: Alright, you rumbled me, my sister too Jimmy: But what the dog's saying is nicer Janis: 😂 Janis: I did forget to invite her along, to be fair Janis: Forgetfulness gotta be catching 'cos Mia totally wanted to idk Janis: wax my bikini line or something, apparently Jimmy: I know this is fake but your dirty talk needs some work, mate Jimmy: Good to know that shit does happen at sleepovers though Janis: Grow up dickhead 🙄 Janis: probably try recreate game of thrones and pour it on my head, no thanks Janis: can't make that sexy, no matter how many dragons I add to the story, soz Jimmy: Niche reference 👍 Jimmy: I rolled up to say tah for not being a dickhead anyway Jimmy: It all went to plan Janis: You're definitely that kinda nerd, don't lie Janis: Duh Janis: 🥇 Janis: I told you Jimmy: Piss off am I Jimmy: You can't pretend that you don't know how cool I am now, Joan Janis: What, 'cos you took me to the pub I suggested Janis: Okay 😏 Jimmy: 'cause I didn't make a holy show of myself as you Irish call it Jimmy: at the pub you suggested Janis: You were alright Janis: Not too unbearable, like Jimmy: I love you too, baby 😘 Janis: 🖕 Idiot Jimmy: What you doing tonight? Jimmy: We should be seen together so people don't reckon I got what I wanted and that's it Janis: Or you were that shit I've had to ghost you Jimmy: Nobody's thinking that Janis: Alright ego 😜 Janis: but I'm up for doing something, long as it's not totally shit Jimmy: Is there like a party or something going on? Jimmy: More people the better, I reckon Janis: Undoubtedly Janis: I'll ask my cousin, not everyone he knows is a total prick Janis: up for the challenge, yeah? 💪 Jimmy: Like you said 🥇 Janis: 👍 I've hit him up, let you know the where and when Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: I'm on a half day so don't matter Jimmy: Time to make myself look #goals Janis: Sick Janis: weren't too dead were ya? Jimmy: Nah Jimmy: You? Janis: Good Janis: 'Course not Janis: Lazy rich bitch anyway so you know Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: tah for saying it so I don't 'ave to Janis: Please, you're so gutted Jimmy: Maybe Jimmy: You'll just have to cheer me up tonight Janis: Yeah? Janis: Easy Jimmy: Easy for you to say now, yeah Jimmy: We haven't faked it for that long before Janis: Have a little faith Janis: 'less you're planning to make it hard for me or Jimmy: It'd be more fun but we've got a deal Jimmy: So don't fuck it up & I won't Janis: Fine 🙄 Jimmy: Saving your enthusiasm? 👍 Janis: Yeah Janis: basically got 16 years worth saved up, hope you're ready Jimmy: Challenge accepted, Jillian Janis: That's the worse one yet Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: I won't use it when anyone can hear me, don't worry Jimmy: What's your name again though? Janis: You testing me Janis: watch me turn up looking like a bag of shit now Janis: enjoy, wanker Jimmy: Watch me 😍😍😍 even harder for it Jimmy: You're not gonna beat me, babe Janis: So am Jimmy: Like I said, easy to say now Jimmy: Harder to do when I'm chaining 🚬 to put you off Janis: 😒 I've handled worse Jimmy: I don't need your exes list, Judy Janis: Short list Janis: . Janis: like Jimmy: What? Jimmy: You only fake date Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: Fuck off Janis: I don't date Janis: waste of time Jimmy: Can be Janis: Is Jimmy: Pete'll be gutted Jimmy: Still, if you're as good in bed for real as you are when it's fake, decent consolation Janis: I'm sure Janis: aside from he probably fancies you more than he does me Jimmy: Me too, he's been name dropping you all shift 💕 Jimmy: Wrong again, Jennifer Janis: Lies Jimmy: I didn't know who he meant for half of it Jimmy: but yeah Janis: Brilliant Janis: Good thing he's not our target demo then isn't it Jimmy: No offense, Janis Jimmy: ain't my fault he don't know you Janis: Why would he Janis: He's like year above ain't he, idk Jimmy: How would I know? Jimmy: Not the one crushing on him Janis: You do keep bringing him up Janis: if you needed a beard, like Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: What do you wanna talk about then? Janis: [Party deets] Janis: There you go, can plan your outfit now Jimmy: What time do you wanna show up? Janis: Later the better, init Janis: make a scene but also, don't have to spend too much time surrounded by idiots Jimmy: You just know you can't hack faking being my girlfriend for too long Jimmy: but 👌 Janis: Bitch I can go all night Jimmy: Nah Jimmy: You'd be stretched to do an hour Janis: Bollocks Janis: When do YOU wanna go then? Jimmy: I'd go right now if they'd have me Jimmy: Better than being stuck at the CG Janis: N'awh, you really know how to make a girl feel special, babe 😘 Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: I'll do it tonight Jimmy: Do your best to wait patiently, Jodie Janis: 🖕 Do yours to keep up Janis: can't be too late if you gotta leave 9 though, are you sure Janis: lowkey might not even start before then Jimmy: I've sorted it with Cass Jimmy: I can be out as late as we need to get this done Janis: Didn't know it was her calling the curfew not your Da Janis: but makes sense, tbh Janis: cool then Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: He don't call any shots Jimmy: But someone's gotta look after my brother & he don't worry 'bout that either Janis: I wasn't trying to be funny about it Jimmy: Decent effort then 'cause you weren't Janis: Alright Janis: sorry Jimmy: 👍 Janis: meet there? Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: Let me know when Janis: k Jimmy: [Later] Jimmy: They want me to work over Jimmy: when are we going? Janis: Oh, don't worry then if it's gonna be too much hassle Jimmy: It's only a couple more hours Janis: When are you getting off now? Jimmy: 4.30 Jimmy: but I got some shit to do when I leave here Jimmy: part of Cass' bargain Janis: 👍 good girl Janis: anything i can help with or you alright Jimmy: you can get the dog out Jimmy: know you'd both love that 💕 Janis: Sure thing Janis: use the extra steps myself anyway Jimmy: Come and get my keys whenever Janis: Are the kids gonna be about Janis: they could come with, if they would Jimmy: you can ask 'em if you're feeling brave Janis: Just an idea Janis: might run off some energy lowkey exhaust the dog and them, like Jimmy: I reckon it's a good one Jimmy: They might not Janis: I'll try Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: If they're dickheads, text me Janis: Don't worry, I've got millions of cousins and shit, I know how to not get 'em killed or I wouldn't offer Jimmy: Weren't worried 'bout 'em Jimmy: Just you Janis: Oi Janis: I'm no soft-touch Jimmy: Only got your word for that, mate Janis: 😑 Janis: Proof'll be how well-trained this dog is Jimmy: You ain't got long enough for that Jimmy: I'm not fake dating you for years tah Janis: Christ no Janis: crash course, I'm that good Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: as long as you're more convincing tonight Janis: Name a time I haven't been Janis: everyone's buying it so hard Jimmy: I told you, that was lowest tier shit Jimmy: You have to pretend to like me for longer than a make out sesh Janis: I keep telling you I can, damn Janis: Can't prove it 'til we're there, can I? Jimmy: Alright, calm down Jimmy: take some pics on your walk, really milk how domestic we are Janis: Done Janis: she's very photogenic Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: you can date her for real when this is over Janis: You're giving me her in the fake breakup, yeah? Janis: Cheers Jimmy: why not? Jimmy: means you gotta give me something Jimmy: get thinking Janis: can I interest you in Grace? Janis: know what you're thinking, literally defeats the point Janis: but she just looking for a new fam Janis: bitch for a bitch Jimmy: nah tah Jimmy: One sister's enough Janis: Shit Janis: I got 3 Janis: worst luck Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: violin solo for each Janis: Grace is more like a fucking triangle solo Jimmy: brutal Jimmy: I don't reckon there's an emoji for that though 💔 Janis: 🃏 Janis: really lacking on the emoji front Janis: gutted, gonna complain Jimmy: get it done, Joanne Janis: talk to twitter whilst i'm there Janis: your account not dead now? Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: I ain't checked Janis: Bummer Janis: no new nudes for me 💔 Jimmy: I'll streak through the party Jimmy: make an entrance Janis: 😂 Janis: Twat Janis: There's no pretending to be 😍 over public indecency Jimmy: try harder then, dickhead Jimmy: thought you were 🥇 Janis: I don't want everyone to reckon I'm actually derranged, like Janis: be normal, Taylor Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you know, one of us has to Jimmy: I get it, you don't reckon you won't be overcome with lust at the sight of me actually naked Jimmy: head in the game, girl Janis: 'Course Janis: who wouldn't be Janis: turning it into a casual orgy Jimmy: Mia maybe Jimmy: You're more her type Janis: Ugh don't Janis: idk what her problem really is Janis: 'cept she wants to wear my skin Jimmy: she's jealous Janis: Nah Janis: she's an only child and her daddy gives her everything so she's rolling in it Jimmy: but 'til he gives her money for surgery you're prettier than her Jimmy: & now you've got me so 🗡 Janis: Don't fuck her, yeah? Janis: It must be how she gets her power 'cos she's got no interest in actually being with you, she just has a list of like every boy in Dublin or some shit she's working through Jimmy: even if she has surgery, I have standards, I told you Janis: Good Janis: even if you're a bit of a prick, hate to see you go like that Janis: 🐍 eat you when she's done Jimmy: I'd rather my 🍆 stays attached to me Jimmy: more use than my head Janis: What's more #bae Janis: agree or disagree? 🤔 Jimmy: take it to a twitter poll Janis: I think they've got a bias rn though, after that pic Janis: say something dead brainy, babe Jimmy: too northern for that Jimmy: do it for me & say I did Janis: It's weird when you're #humble Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: gonna fuck with you when you find out that's the real me Janis: Coulda kept that in the vault, I'd never know Jimmy: Like I said, you'd find out Janis: You not planning on deleting me when this is all over then? Jimmy: Probably but there's still this thing called IRL Jimmy: Can't bin school off yet Janis: Oh, where I'm at my most social, 'course Janis: you barely knew I existed 'til now I think we'll be fine 😏 Jimmy: Don't be gutted Jimmy: I know your name now & everything Janis: Yeah was so sat there praying for the day Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: what are you actually gonna wear Janis: not saying we should be THAT fake couple and co-ord but Jimmy: hadn't given it any real thought Jimmy: what's the party dress code in leprechaun land? Janis: depends who you are and who they are Janis: don't wanna be try hard Janis: probably can't show up in my gym clothes, though Jimmy: who am I & who are they, babe? Janis: you know who you are Janis: leather jackets ain't just for your baes, obviously Janis: idk who this kid is exactly but he lives in a normal neighbourhood so he's not like dead posh or anything Jimmy: there's your answer then Jimmy: easy 😍 Jimmy: only challenge is me finding the place Janis: I better hang about then after I've walked the dog Janis: probably more #goals to go together anyway Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: smoothie? Jimmy: You should eat so you don't get dead drunk again Janis: 'Scuse me Janis: I was not Jimmy: You were Jimmy: & don't bring a jacket so you can wear mine that's gotta be #goals Janis: Just mad it went unnoticed that I was in the dog walking 'gram Janis: too 💕 for them all, baby Jimmy: just don't get as pissed tonight Jimmy: you might let everyone know how you really feel Janis: You ain't my Dad Jimmy: Nah, I'm your fake boyfriend & I'd like it if you didn't out us Jimmy: that's it Janis: I'm not going to because I wasn't even drunk and I won't be tonight Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: if you're gonna chat shit, I've got work to do Janis: I don't wanna chat to you anyway if you're gonna be shady Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: Shady? Am I also slim 😂 Jimmy: top lingo, Janet Janis: 😒 you are that white Jimmy: take it up with my dad Janis: When can we have our first fake fight 'cos you're asking for it today, like Jimmy: a bit soon unless you wanna do a really hot makeup makeout Janis: Who'd want that? Janis: Shame Jimmy: the fans Janis: True Janis: but you said I've gotta show I can stand you when you ain't rocking my world so Jimmy: & you've gotta show you want me too more than just a once off Janis: Don't want much, do ya? Jimmy: It ain't about what I want Janis: You know what I mean Jimmy: I know you keep saying you'll do this easy Jimmy: So stop whinging Janis: I ain't Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you liked whelan's then, yeah Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I'll probably go back Janis: good Janis: i knew you would, it's alright Jimmy: seeing as you know me so well you can find me a real girl to date when this is over Janis: ha Janis: jog on Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: go on Jimmy: it'd be a laugh to see who you'd pick if nowt else Janis: not a dyke, remember? Jimmy: didn't say you had to join in with us, did I? Janis: shut up Janis: what do i know about girls Janis: not a real one, am i Jimmy: what do you reckon you are then? My dream Jimmy: Piss off Janis: don't be stupid Jimmy: you're real Janis: You said it, not me Jimmy: What? Janis: 'you can find me a real girl to date' Jimmy: I meant a girl to not fake date Janis: whatever Jimmy: come on, Janis Janis: don't matter Janis: forget it Jimmy: don't wanna Janis: don't be a dick Janis: if you didn't mean it you didn't Jimmy: I'm not Jimmy: So don't you be a dickhead Janis: What the fuck have I done? Jimmy: acting shady Jimmy: to use your top lingo Janis: 😑 you clearly don't know what that means Jimmy: nah I don't Jimmy: it's bollocks Jimmy: reckon you made it up just then Janis: not that deep undercover than we need our own language Jimmy: good 'cause I ain't sure I'd keep up Jimmy: proper cryptic you Irish Janis: 🖕 Janis: how's that for cryptic? Janis: gobshite Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I'm not finding you a girlfriend Janis: Ruin your own life Jimmy: Alright, leave me to my own devices so I can find another girl who prefers old blokes Jimmy: on your head Janis: If it keeps you from becoming a baby daddy, aren't I doing you/the world a massive service, really, like Jimmy: if that keeps you warm, mate, tell yourself it Jimmy: I'll be shivering 'cause left out in the cold 🎻 Janis: Catch me and Pete laughing at you whilst we fuck on a huge pile of money in our mcmansion Janis: #thedream Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: I've seen him concentrating when he makes a latte I don't need to think about his face when he's going at it Janis: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: get in his inbox to live that dream Janis: Can't be having my fake mans and real in the same place Janis: mixing business and pleasure always a no Jimmy: he won't say owt Jimmy: tell him you're down to cheat Janis: thanks for your permission 😂 Jimmy: don't care, do I? Jimmy: just keep it off the 'gram Janis: You might have endless faith in him but I don't Janis: everyone knows everyone's business around here 🙄 Jimmy: if you cheat I ain't lost owt Jimmy: go on Jimmy: save me a break up Janis: I don't think so Janis: I get to come out of this looking good, that was part of the deal Jimmy: We can change it easy Jimmy: & anyway who says pete ain't a trade up Janis: Nah Janis: Deal's a deal, I'm sticking to my side of it Jimmy: You've done it Jimmy: been proven those girls ain't my type Janis: If that was true we wouldn't be going tonight Janis: we ain't done here Jimmy: we ain't done for you Jimmy: but if you reckon you've got a better offer, take it Janis: Don't use this as an excuse Janis: you know I don't Jimmy: an excuse for what? Janis: For not wanting to help me out now we've sorted your side of it out Jimmy: I've said I'll do it Jimmy: like I said, not about what I want Janis: I know you don't want it alright Janis: it doesn't have to be much longer Jimmy: just don't fuck Pete Jimmy: I still have to work with him Jimmy: & I don't want the pisstake Janis: I'm not going to Janis: I've literally not spoken to him before Jimmy: then don't speak to him Janis: Um bit far, am I only allowed to order smoothies from you? Jimmy: CG isn't the only shit coffee shop around Jimmy: why come in after this? Janis: so I'm banned now, jesus Janis: fine Janis: I don't even drink coffee Jimmy: I can't ban you Jimmy: not the manager Janis: but you would if you could? Janis: well that's lovely Jimmy: so you would come in for coffee & a chat after I've fake dumped you? 👌 Janis: You're actually such a prick Janis: 1. I'M dumping YOU Janis: 2. You were actually serious that you're gonna delete me? Avoid me forever too? Very mature Jimmy: I'm gonna delete everyone Jimmy: not just you Jimmy: why do you care? like you said, didn't know each other existed before Janis: You're gonna have no friends, whole time you're here then Jimmy: hopefully Jimmy: what you're offering now, are you? Janis: no one good enough for you, yeah? Janis: not now I know Janis: don't worry Jimmy: you were the one warning me not to turn into 'em like a day ago Jimmy: didn't realise the real you was a cheerleader of leprechaun town Janis: Piss off Jimmy: that's the plan Jimmy: wear the uniform tonight though, the fans will love it Janis: It's going to take you ages you may as well try and tolerate it whilst you're here Jimmy: You don't have to outdo my dad on the fatherly advice Jimmy: not part of the deal Janis: Exactly, you're not gonna leave your brother and sister here Janis: so it's years, not months Jimmy: that's assuming any of us are gonna stay here Jimmy: he keeps jobs slightly longer than girlfriends but don't go mad, like Janis: Yeah great, hinge your masterplan on his lack of Janis: I hope it all works out for you, really Jimmy: I don't need a masterplan this is my real life not a fake dating plot Janis: Fuck you Janis: Act like it then, you live here right now, get over it Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You've lived here longer Jimmy: where's your friends? Janis: What's it matter 'bout me? Jimmy: you're dishing it out like I gotta be living my best life Jimmy: sort yours Janis: Again, this isn't about me Janis: you're not me Jimmy: & you ain't me, sweetheart Jimmy: you don't know what I want so don't tell me Janis: Don't fucking talk to me like that Jimmy: likewise Janis: Fine, be miserable Janis: like you said, why do I care Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Fuck me knowing what you want, I hope you work it out Jimmy: I have Janis: Good for you Jimmy: dead patronising you Jimmy: Love that Janis: I'm not the one throwing out sweethearts like it's the 70s Jimmy: Nah, you're just the one judging me when all you know is my name basically Jimmy: starting to see your sister's POV now Jimmy: bit of a nightmare, aren't you? Janis: Go fuck her then Jimmy: I don't want to Jimmy: but tah for the permission Janis: Literally drop dead Janis: I never once judged you and it's fucking rich you taking issue when all you do is judge everyone here all the time Jimmy: just 'cause you're a girl don't mean you can talk me like that & then tell me how to talk to you Janis: like what Janis: you talk to me like a piece of shit Jimmy: 🖕 Janis: Great Janis: Bye Jimmy: not bye, see you in a bit Jimmy: unless you're bailing Janis: you reckon i'm in the party mood Janis: really Jimmy: not what I asked Jimmy: don't matter how you really feel, does it? Janis: you're a sociopath, awesome Jimmy: no idea Jimmy: but alright fuck the party, don't bother me Janis: nah, 'course, nothing does Jimmy: nowt that's any of your business Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'll still walk the dog it isn't her fault Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: you'll still need the keys Jimmy: won't throw 'em at you not very #goals Janis: I don't care anymore Janis: who am I impressing, like you said Jimmy: when? Janis: You know Janis: I've got no friends, I'm a nightmare Janis: 🎻 Janis: the list goes on Jimmy: that's not what they're seeing Jimmy: just me 🎻 Jimmy: you've impressed everyone else Janis: Please Janis: you're so smart now Jimmy: It don't take much Janis: Exactly Janis: Jig is probably up Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: you know it's working Janis: Yeah not now I hate you Jimmy: you didn't love me before Jimmy: but alright Jimmy: call it off Janis: I'm not coming out of this like this Janis: you don't have to see me Janis: I'll make it work myself Jimmy: 👌 Janis: just tell me how you wanna sound Jimmy: I don't care Jimmy: do it how you want Janis: is it wise to give me such free reign Janis: nightmare i am Jimmy: you heard me Jimmy: don't matter Janis: You reckon I shouldn't care? Jimmy: I'm saying I don't Janis: No one's judging you anyway Jimmy: feel free to change that Janis: I'm not that much of a bitch Janis: thanks Jimmy: not on the 'gram anyway Janis: Fuck you Janis: I was being nice Jimmy: 'til I told you not to fuck Pete Jimmy: If I knew that was the dealbreaker I wouldn't have said nowt Janis: No, 'til you asked me to find you a girlfriend, called me not a girl Janis: then fucking agreed with my sister Jimmy: I told you, I never said you weren't a girl Jimmy: & I weren't serious about the girlfriend thing Janis: Whatever Janis: I don't even know if that's his name so it isn't about that Jimmy: alright Janis: It ain't alright Janis: I wasn't serious either you didn't have to take it like that and make it into this thing Jimmy: I seriously don't want you to fuck my co-workers Jimmy: that's all I said Janis: I'm not going to! Janis: I don't even want to Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: don't matter now Janis: Why not Jimmy: 'cause this is finished Jimmy: we don't need to keep chatting 'bout it Janis: Why is it a problem if I'm not gonna do it Jimmy: it ain't Janis: Then stop being a dick Jimmy: You stop being a dick Janis: dickhead Jimmy: You're the dickhead Janis: Oh my God Janis: stop Jimmy: just break it off Jimmy: I've got work to do Janis: Come on Janis: you're really dedicated now you don't wanna talk to me Jimmy: why would I? Jimmy: if we aren't going to the party what is there to chat about? Janis: well we could Janis: but fine Jimmy: you don't wanna either Jimmy: you hate me now, remember? Janis: Well you never liked me apparently so can't be offended Jimmy: yeah I can Janis: It's not fair, that's bullshit Jimmy: you hating me is not the same as me not knowing you Janis: maybe i'm being slightly dramatic Jimmy: go for it Jimmy: like I said, don't matter Janis: No Janis: Shut up being annoying Janis: let's go to the party Jimmy: I don't reckon that's a good idea Janis: Why not Jimmy: not in the running for an oscar, are we? Janis: alright Janis: i'll go by myself i guess Jimmy: that's a worse idea Jimmy: get it together, Jasmine Janis: Why? Jimmy: You're a pisshead & you need me Janis: 😑 Janis: well then you have to come Janis: I'm going Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: when? Janis: Whenever you've done what you've gotta do at Home Janis: I'm already on the bus to get the keys Jimmy: I just have to get the bribes in Jimmy: come with Jimmy: we can get drinks for the party or whatever Janis: I get it, all the sugar Janis: alright Janis: just don't try to palm me off with alcopops Jimmy: piss off would I Jimmy: I don't hate you Janis: tah 😏 you do reckon I can't handle my drink though Janis: which is just untrue Jimmy: you couldn't Jimmy: that's all I've got to go off Jimmy: prove me wrong tonight if you're that mad 'bout it Janis: What did I do? Janis: because I have evidence of YOU licking MY face, thanks snapchat Jimmy: FOR snapchat Jimmy: you were being nice to me when the camera weren't on Janis: How dare I 🙄 Janis: make it sound like I was tryna jump you Jimmy: nowt like that Jimmy: you were just Jimmy: fuck knows, mate Janis: ominous Janis: maybe i won't drink Janis: fuck's sake Jimmy: challenge turned down? 👌 Janis: 😠 No Janis: you got me paranoid now though Jimmy: not trying to get in your head so I'll win or owt Jimmy: nah Janis: 😒 Jimmy: for real though that weren't how I wanted that to sound Jimmy: it was fun Jimmy: you weren't a total dickhead like usual, that's it Janis: so what you're really saying is Janis: I should make a habit of it? Janis: cool Janis: I thought you meant I was white girl wasted then I'd have to kms, obviously Jimmy: I'm saying if I were gonna hate you, I couldn't then 'cause you were alright Jimmy: calm down Janis: Awh babe Jimmy: what the fuck is white girl wasted? Janis: If Gracie or any of her mates are at this party, hopefully not, you'll get to see Janis: the girls who are screaming 'this is my song!' to every other shit song Janis: and lose their shoes and shit and end up sobbing hysterically on a poor bouncer or something Jimmy: that don't exist up north, lasses drink like lads Jimmy: I'll have to take you Jimmy: learn something, Jemima Janis: you can't say the north has a better drinking culture than ireland Janis: that's literally all we're known for excuse you Jimmy: I reckon I just did Jimmy: am I gonna get cursed now? Janis: Think you're gonna get deported so you'll be buzzin' on that Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: they aren't gonna be at the party are they? Janis: Nah, would've seen all the annoying getting ready and pre-drinks stories by now Jimmy: thank feck as you 🍀 say Jimmy: fun as it'd be to get that angry vein going in Mia's head again Janis: Please never say that again but do 'cos I wanna hear wtf it'd sound like in your accent 😂 Janis: she's DYING for round two Jimmy: I'll whisper it in your ear later if you pretend I'm saying something #goals Janis: Deal Jimmy: Just don't piss yourself laughing I don't need everyone reckoning my chat is that bad Janis: 🎭 Janis: I'll be so into it it'll be awkward for everyone else Janis: 💪 Jimmy: yeah alright Jane fonda just try & look like you're dying for round two 😍💕 Jimmy: maybe there'll be a room we can fake fuck in Janis: What are house parties for Janis: besides easier underage drinking, obviously Jimmy: as long as Mia ain't there to listen at the door Janis: I refuse to fake an orgasm for her the cunt you'd have to actually just fuck me Jimmy: I'll just take you home if she shows up Jimmy: pretend like I'm anti-fucking in strangers houses Jimmy: like its a northern thing or summat Janis: 😂 Polite, very anti-you Janis: but it works Jimmy: there's only so much convincing fakery I could let you do before it'd just sound hot Jimmy: not part of the deal for me to be into it Janis: Yeah Janis: Only human Jimmy: 🐍 quota in these parts is full Janis: Truly Janis: Don't tell Paddy, he'll be fuming Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: better get more smokes if you're sharing Jimmy: remind me Janis: Should get my own, least pay you half Jimmy: call it my being a dickhead tax Jimmy: besides, people were into it Jimmy: new #goals Janis: You make it look good Janis: no one needs to know you get out of breath on a dog walk Jimmy: you give then you take away Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: next time tweet the first bit & leave off the second Janis: I already did that story, no caption necessary Janis: can't have you thinking I'm too nice again and going weird on me Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: Are we meant to do getting ready snaps or are you not white enough? Janis: God no Janis: 'less we're being all extra about how much we don't wanna leave bed, like Jimmy: we could Jimmy: I zip up your...dress? but you take off my shirt Jimmy: make it sexy Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 😂 Janis: this is just going to get confusing Janis: end up leaving half undressed but not in the intentional way Jimmy: no then? Janis: nah, we can Janis: means having to take less there so we can lowkey have a decent time still Jimmy: almost like you now Jimmy: 'cause that's a top plan Janis: Gimme time Janis: not a fan of almosts like go all in and hate me or you know Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: what are you wearing not heavy breathing way? Jimmy: in a* Janis: Thanks for clarifying Janis: I put a few options in my bag, I'd ask a girl but you know Janis: You'll have to do Jimmy: I am out of breath but 🚬 not burning desire Jimmy: piss off I'm better Jimmy: I'll tell you what looks hot Jimmy: 😍 not bitchy side eye Janis: #truelove Janis: #lastsalifetime #inyourlungs Janis: Good, can always get that from your sister if I'm missing it Jimmy: You're getting too decent at #s gonna have to dump you 💔 Janis: #damn Jimmy: Stop Janis: #gonnamissmewhenimgone Jimmy: #Janis please Jimmy: if you make me laugh I could keel over 🚬 remember Janis: When bae calls you a health risk 😍 Jimmy: #goals right Jimmy: love you so much its gonna kill me Janis: mhmm Janis: i told ya, just got the organ wrong Janis: no 💔 going for the lungs Jimmy: just leave my 🍆 out of it & like my head I ain't too concerned Jimmy: least I got a pair of lungs Janis: are you saying i have 🍆 envy Janis: cos that's even older than the dyke line tbh i expect better from you Jimmy: let me know when I streak through the party Janis: 😂 Janis: Will do Jimmy: don't say nowt if you don't 'cause 💔 Jimmy: it ain't my party to cry at Janis: Poor boy Janis: Just tryna seem nonchalant 'cos already meant to have seen it, duh Jimmy: try & seem 😍 like you can't get enough of it though Jimmy: tah very much Janis: Okay you want drooling Janis: got it Jimmy: if you can Janis: Don't doubt me, just your ability to bring it Janis: kinda cold Jimmy: where I'm from this is summer temps Jimmy: don't worry 'bout me, girl Janis: Then we won't have a problem Jimmy: nah Jimmy: & if anyone asks, I'm thinking 'bout you #muse Janis: I think they'll have more pressing questions Janis: like, what the fuck? Jimmy: that's how it is in 🍀 Jimmy: boring feckers Janis: 😂 Janis: maybe after you've been there and had a few Jimmy: I won't find them boring? Jimmy: or I will Janis: saying you taking your kit off would be craic and not a sign of something wrong Janis: they'll still be pretty dry Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: can I leave here yet? it's rivaling in the boredom stakes Jimmy: come back Mia, some mildly annoying shit you've done is forgiven Jimmy: nowt else Janis: Shh Janis: come meet me off bus Janis: #romance Jimmy: alright Jimmy: you sold it to me Janis: 💕 Soft Jimmy: give me the kiss of life if I look like I'm going Jimmy: 'cause you know I'll 🚬 & walk Janis: 😏 Janis: Giving the OAPs on here a show Jimmy: love our new audience 💕 Janis: always a bitchy one though, i 👀 you grandmia Jimmy: probably is her nan Jimmy: does she have a face like 🍋 Janis: Chewing wasps forreal Janis: though I think Mia just rose up from the pits of hell by herself so Jimmy: get her number for my ex Janis: 😂 Janis: so thoughtful Jimmy: her status updates have been harrowing mate Jimmy: reckon Barry's playing away 💔🎻 Janis: Oh no Janis: typical Barry move Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: near end of life crisis Janis: Stop making me laugh I'm getting looks Jimmy: payback for before when you near ended my life Jimmy: could be worse least I'm not turning you on with the mention of him Janis: War flashbacks, like Jimmy: you got it, JoJo Janis: 💔 Janis: I don't get it but you do you Janis: true love and all that, I guess Jimmy: You don't get wanting to fuck an old bloke? Jimmy: Me either Janis: 😏 OMG we get it, you're straight Janis: it's me they got the questions about, not you Jimmy: so far Jimmy: but Pete is gonna need consoling for his 💔 Janis: 🙄 don't drag me into this Janis: find yourself a girl and him a mans Jimmy: so nah to the threesome? 👌 I'll let him know Janis: You don't wanna see his cum face Jimmy: I'll look at the back of his head Janis: Alright, glad you've worked out the logistics Janis: be rude to make him stay under the pillow Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: in or out? Janis: whey Janis: long as it don't count 'cos threeways don't Jimmy: 'course Janis: 👍 Jimmy: #romance Janis: you know it Janis: real test faking it to that level, no matter how thick he is Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: we've got this baby 💕 Janis: Poor Pete Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: you see me yet? Janis: Hold on, lemme try and remember what you look like Jimmy: You ain't that good at faking it, Justine Jimmy: #unforgettable Janis: You'll be huffy when you find me chatting to the wrong white boy Jimmy: Nah I'll just smack him Jimmy: #goals like Janis: 😏 Janis: There you are Jimmy: 😘

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