#also theres really not that much mafia besides dynamics I'm sorry

[changbin-froggy-jimin]

Heartbreak House (Mafia!Namjoon X Reader)

Summary: Mafia boss Kim Namjoon has stolen your heart. He was your first love and kept you safe no matter the cost, but suddenly he throws you to the curb. No reason given except that fact that he's completely over you and that it's time for you to go.

Soft hearts get you killed, but Namjoon's heart is only soft for you and his closest men. He knows he messed up big time, can he fix it before it's to late? 

(The story is better than the description, it’s just been so long since I’ve written one)

Pairings: Namjoon X Reader, Kinda Yoongi & Jimin

Tags: Angst Angst Angst, But! With a happy ending, Mafia boss Namjoon, Discussions of mental health, Dissociation, Break up/Post-break up, 2nd person pov, And Reader (you) is kept gender neutral.

Word Count: 5.5k

Oh! also reader is referred to with Angel as opposed to Y/N

"You were stupid if you thought this was ever truly going to last"

His words sting, tears build up in your eyes despite you not giving them permission to do so. You shouldn't have gotten attached you knew it, but you couldn't help it. Namjoon was dangerous, more dangerous than anyone you have ever met before, but he was also so sweet with you. How were you not supposed to fall for him?

"I- I thought-"

"You thought wrong. Now leave"

This man was your first kiss, your first... everything. How could you have been so stupid.

"Joon what happened? We can work on it, wherever it is, I just don't understand where this is coming from?"

You're met with silence. Where was this coming from? You had known Namjoon for almost three years, and had spent the last two in a relationship. And yeah finding out the well dressed man was actually a mob boss had been quite the surprise but as long as you kept your head down you had never minded. He always told you business got left at the door step and never once had that not been true so you let it go. If you were eventually caught up in some kind of sting they wouldn't have anything on you so you really didn't have a reason to be scared. And you knew above anything else that Joonie would protect you with his life and he had even done so before. The most recent of his scars, one that sat right above his eyebrow, was a testament to the promise he has made you. So whatever attitude change this was... Wherever this mood swing came from you honestly didn't know.

You try to wrack your brain for something he could be upset about but come up with almost nothing. You follow the rules set in place for you to stay here, you don't cause undue trouble for yourself or anyone else here. Sometimes you could be loud or annoying but that wasn't against the rules and most of the time it was encouraged by those around you.

Most of the time Joon was never angry but especially around you. Yeah, he had a big of a harsh image. Most people who knew him, knew him as heartless. His kindness is what surprised you most once you actually learned who he was past the first initial meeting one crisp October afternoon.

You had seen him looking quite lost outside of the shop you worked in, and had pulled him inside. He was charming and kind, and asked you for directions, stating he was lost and was just looking for help. He ended up staying for a lot longer then you both thought he would, finding the conversation easy and light. At the end of the night as you were closing up, having no idea where the time went, he had asked if he could see you again. You really had no reason to say no, so you didn't. Later he told you he was hiding from the cops and needed a good cover, but that you had been the best cover he had found yet.

You refused to believe that everything you felt, everything you knew he felt was fake as well. You knew he had moments, moments where this harsh side of him came out, he told you about it before. But you had never seen it for yourself. If this was what it felt like to be on the bad side of Kim Namjoon... You didn't even want to think about it. You just want your Joonie back.

"I had your things packed for you. They'll be at your apartment around noon." When did your boyfriend start to sound so dead inside?

"What are you talking about? I haven't lived there for at least a year. This is my home!"

"Not anymore it. Now leave, or I'll have someone make you." It was so cold. So absolutely lacking of any of the warmth you were so used to. More tears fell down your cheeks.

Maybe it was just a mood, maybe something happened, you just couldn't believe it was over... Just like that with no real reason. You know he always makes good on his promises. No matter how much you screamed and yelled, no matter if it ended with someone three times your size coming and physically moving you, it would still end with you leaving. And you were not interested in someone moving you like a child. It's not like you wanted to cause that big of a scene outside of these doors either. So you head for the door, there's just nothing else you can do at the moment. The shock from this whole situation confusing you more than anything.

You rest your hand on the door frame, slightly turning back to him. Hoping that somehow, some time he'd tell you it was all a mistake, he didn't mean it and he'd pull you back into his arms and hold you like he did only hours ago.

But he didn't. He said nothing and started to read the papers that were left for him on his desk. He glanced over at you just about the rim of his reading glasses that he must have put on while you were turned.

"Leave" and so you did, not sparing another glance to the man who you thought had cherished your heart.

Several days later, it's Yoongi who walks through Namjoon's door. Disappointment and longing hit Namjoon, dashed hopes of someone else walking through the door feels like a tangible weight in his heart. Namjoon sets aside his emotions like he always has, ready to talk about updates on the arms shipment they were hoping to intercept. Except he knows the look Yoongi is giving him, and that look means trouble. Namjoon and Yoongi have known each other since they were just kids causing trouble on the streets. This is the face his oldest friend makes when he's about to cause trouble and knows he can get away with it because Joon has a soft spot for him.

"Save it" He turns back to his work, not at all interested in what Yoongi has to say.

Yoongi meanders around the room, taking loud steps and overall doing his best to annoy the man at the desk.

"What do you want?" Namjoon says, more annoyed at the pacing then anything else.

"Thought I should 'Save it'. Are you really flip flopping so easily? You know that's not a good look for us right? Makes us look sloppy, like we don't do our due diligence." Yoongi comes to a short stop in front of the desk, tapping his nails without any set rhythm, before continuing his trek around the room. Picking up any objects that piqued his interest and setting them back upside down or facing the wrong direction.

"Yoongi..." The Namjoon says, sighing like he had the whole world on his shoulders. How sad for him.

"I just find it interesting because just last week you called every single crew member into a meeting in which you said that, and I quote, 'Angel 'Wasn't going to leave anytime soon' and anyone that didn't treat 'Your precious darling' with respect was going to feel your wrath. So when's your execution appointment Namjoon?" Yoongi leans against a bookshelf near the desk, crossing his arms over his chest. Letting the words sink in. And sink they do.

"It's not safe here Yoongi and we both know it. My Angel is better off without me, and better off not being here."

Yoongi pauses at that. Taking a second to think this 'revelation' over. It just struck him as... Wrong. How was everything fine last week and a mess this one?

"What are you talking about? It's safe here. There's at least 50 armed guards at any given moment and that's just outside. Your 'Angel' is always with someone you trust and never wanders off alone, and we both know that everyone would die to keep them safe. Not even just you and me, everyone. Anyone who tried something would be put down with more bullet holes than you could count."

"That doesn't matter. One wrong move and we'd have to clean up another body. Do you want to deal with that on your conscience? Knowing that one of ours got killed trying to keep Angel safe? It's not our crew's jobs to keep our lovers safe."

Yoongi scoffs at that. It's exactly what he thought. Somewhere in the recesses off Namjoon's brain still lives the scared kid who's so afraid of losing people that he just pushes them away. Yoongi didn't let Namjoon push him away and he absolutely wouldn't let him do it to the obvious love of his life.

"You did this to save your own skin, none of this was to save our crew and we both know it. You caught feelings and heartless Kim Namjoon couldn't deal with the aftermath, so you push everyone away and then you don't have to deal with your emotions do you?" Irritation drips from every word and he states it as fact because he knows it is. Knows it'll hurt to hear. He hopes it wakes the idiot out of his stupor. For someone so intelligent he can be an absolute idiot.

Namjoon's body tenses at Yoongi's words, trying to hold the anger back and not lash out like he so desperately wanted to.

"Think very carefully about what you're going to say next"

"What? You gonna throw me out with the next trash cycle just like you did with your 'Angel'. Real heartwarming."

The Namjoon takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, fists clenched and jaw set.  Yoongi knows well enough by now that if he doesn't want to be burnt after playing with fire its time for him to go. Yoongi pushes off the bookshelf, heads towards the door instead.

Yoongi pauses in the doorway, hand on the same place Angel's was, the visual doesn't help Namjoon try to forget.

"Fix it, Namjoon, before its to late Otherwise, you'll destroy yourself and end up in that dark pit again." He wants to say more, wants to dive more into the meat of the issue, but it's just not who they are. So he closes the door behind him and hopes that his boss figures it out himself.

The door lightly slams behind him. Inside Namjoon realizes the truth in what Yoongi said.

Namjoon takes out the painkillers, a headache coming on.

Outside the door Jimin waits.

"Did you get through to him? Will he fix it?" Angel's bodyguard, well, ex-bodyguard is practically bouncing off the walls with nerves. It's not at all how any of them should be acting, but Yoongi figures none of them really act like they're supposed to anymore. He throws a comforting hand on the kids head; it's enough to shock him out of the bouncing.

"I don't know, but I hope so." He fluffs the kids hair a bit. Jimin sputters at the action, pulling away in a huff to fix his hair. Yoongi chuckles as he watches the other.

"Let's go get something to eat, huh, take your mind off it for a bit."

Jimin's face goes from annoyed to shocked in a second, no doubt remembering when Yoongi was more likely to shoulder check him then even say hi. It's splits into one of those wide grins that only Jimin can pull off which makes Yoongi's heart flutter.

"Ok!"

Yoongi wraps his arm around the other mans shoulder to pull him towards the parking lot so he doesn't have to look directly at that smile anymore. The kid starts rambling on and on about what he's been doing recently, always glancing back to make sure Yoongi is still paying attention to him. Yoongi hangs off of every word even if he doesn't show it.

When did he become so soft?

The first month back at your old apartment was the worst. You were so used to visiting the complex that to not be there constantly was a big shock to your system. It didn't help that you were all alone. Joon didn't always have time to spend with you but someone always kept you company. Most of the time you went to hang out with Jimin where Hobi worked in the makeshift infirmary, making jokes about the organs and blood while Hobi stitched back up their lower ranking members. He didn't mind you two being there as long as you both kept a respectful distance and weren't to loud, If you were, it only resulted in Hobi just lightly scolding you guys and continuing his work without missing a beat. You and Jimin would just laugh a bit quieter and whisper for a few minutes before turning back to a more normal volume.

The reactions to your teasing were usually just the patient on the table grimacing but not saying anything as they knew they couldn't without significant repercussions. The last guy who complained was made into a spectacle, and while you did feel kinda bad about it, he did call you a "Disgusting whore who was only there for the money". So, you weren't really crying over his loss. The rest, who had a good sense of humor tended to laugh at the jokes and sounds of disgust, this actually annoyed Hobi more as he kinda needed his patients to be still on the operation table and not shaking from holding back laughter. If the injury was serious enough he might have kicked you both out but you would just go down the hall to where Jungkook was most likely playing a game and join him instead. Plus, it actually helped morale in the heath center as Hobi tended to stay completely silent and the frowny face he always wore around the lesser ranking members was enough to skin the confidence off any man.

The memories make you smile.

The second month was a bit better, having fallen back into a routine again. You still miss the rest of the crew, and try to avoid thoughts of Joon like the plague, keeping yourself busy by working yourself to the bone. Your boss had thankfully let you come back no issues, apparently the business had fallen a little sideways in your absence.

Months three and four are about the same.

You're doing pretty well if you don't think about the fact that you cry yourself to sleep every night, but really other than that you're honestly great.

Month five hits the worst.

You had gotten sick, so very sick. All the endless overtime having finally caught up to you. Your boss, who was trying to be helpful, had told you to not come in for at least a week. He grateful for your help in getting the business standing on two legs again, and the kind old man had told you to take the proper time to recover. You were able to distract yourself for a while. Keeping yourself from the very thoughts that had haunted you so much these past few months. But the distractions stopped working about day two and things mostly went downhill from there. It took a lot of ice cream to help calm you down. But after spending the whole week on the couch crying you did actually start feeling a bit better. Most days after that week left you feeling lighter and happier then the next. Sometimes you still had bad days, missing your friends who you had really considered family at that point. None of them had come to visit despite promising they would. You just assumed they had forgotten.

So at six months it was a surprise to hear a knock on the door. You knew better than to answer the door to strangers, but that wasn't a strangers knock. It was one of the coded ones that you were taught fairly early on in yours and Joon's relationship. You stupidly didn't check the peephole, hoping it was Jimin who would finally make good on his promise to meet you.

It wasn't.

Instead it was a rain drenched Namjoon holding slightly broken roses as if he had been running with no care for the flowers that he was holding. You didn't even like roses.

The smile instantly dropped from your face. Joon for the most part looked exactly the same, minus the water soaked hair. Suit was still expertly pressed, black metallic hoops still in place, the scar above his eyebrow still not fully grown back.

You try to close the door quickly in order to shut him out. Namjoon's hand flashes in between the door frame and the door itself, adding a leather shoe for good measure.

"Can we please talk?"

You want to say no, everything inside of you is screaming to say no. That this man broke your heart and wasn't worth your time or effort. You're in pajamas, it's pouring out, and your ex of six months has just shown up with the only flowers you've told him you despised.

You open the door.

Namjoon walks in with one of the small smiles you've only ever seen him make at you. It kinda makes you feel sick.

You sit at the small island bar in your kitchen. Namjoon moves as if he is going to sit next to you. You glare at him, putting your feet up on the seat.  He sighs before walking around the island so he can face you. He sets the roses down; the crystal vase shines like diamonds even with the terrible lighting you have in your apartment. No doubt it was stupidly expensive and bought at some famous boutique-y store. How pretentious. You pick out one of the roses, you start peeling away its petals as you wait for Namjoon to find his words. Instead he seems to focus on the stain that's spreading over your fingers from where the petals are being torn apart viciously.

When he doesn't say anything you supply your own commentary. It's the first words you've said to him since he abandoned you almost 6 months ago on the dot.

"I don't like roses."

"Jungkook said they were romantic" He supplies back, as if that would help his situation. Jungkook was a textbook romantic. You on the other hand, were not, or at least not with these cliche flowers.

"And I said I hated them, so you're really racking up points here"

He visibly swallows at that.

"Listen I know I messed up-"

"Messed up huh? You told me I meant nothing to you and that you never wanted to see me again. Then you show up out of the blue with a gift that really makes it look like you didn't even listen to what I told you when we were together."

"I didn't say you meant nothing to me. You're putting words in my mouth."

"Oh I'm putting words in your mouth? How could I? Me?" You grab at your chest for dramatic affect, hoping your words landed as scathingly as you meant them. You knew you were losing all control over your temper in the face of his complete stupidity. The words tumbling out of your mouth from pure anger. "You only viciously kicked me out of our home, packed up all my things and sent me to live by myself with absolutely no rhyme or reason. Abandoning me despite promising that you would never leave me. Forced me to leave all my friends behind and I'm sure, threatened them into not talking to me either. You threw me out without a reason, you held me before turning on me seemingly only two hours later when I left your office because you asked me to! Do you know how many nights I spent crying over you?!" You felt angry tears forming in your eyes. You wipe them quickly, he shouldn't get the satisfaction of seeing you cry.

"Yes." The reply was small, like it wasn't even meant to be heard. He's not looking at you anymore. Looking at the countertop like it's so much more interesting instead.

"Yes? What do you mean yes?"

"Your apartment has been bugged since we first met."

You groan. "Why did I even like you, you're the absolute worst. Do you know how creepy that is? How horrifying it is to know that you've just been listening to me? That you sat there and thought that you should listen to me crying, not only just crying, because that would be to easy, but me crying over you because you broke my heart."

"Did?" His face fell, not that it has maintained a happy expression since you decided to tear up the roses he brought you right in front of his own face.

You just sigh throwing down the now much more miserable looking rose, ready to just tell him to get out of your apartment and your life, before he surprises you by continuing.

"I couldn't stand not hearing your voice. I thought about you every night and couldn't get your face out of my mind. It was the only way I could keep myself sane. He shuffles in his seat, discomfort etched across his entire face. "Everyday I spent watching the clock, hoping that the day would end knowing that you were going to be getting back from your shifts, and I could finally listen to your voice again. Our room has been so lonely without you. Even if you were crying there was a sick part of me that was just happy you were still thinking about me like I was thinking about you. Open and sore, still bleeding with feelings that you couldn't help but hold onto. I missed you so much. More than I thought one person could miss another."

He takes a breath before continuing, fidgeting in his seat and playing with his fingers. Eyes not meeting yours. "It made me realize how much I love you, and that I can't let you go. How I made the most stupid decision in my life based of fear which then became anger because I was scared I couldn't protect you." He runs his hands roughly through his hair messing up the slicked back look he had been sporting in his rain drenched state. "So I did the only thing I knew how to do. I pushed you away." Namjoon looks up into your face, his eyes wild, and willing you to believe him. "But I swear I never abandoned you. Someone was always with you, watching to make sure you got home safe and no one bothered you. I never once stopped thinking about you. I never once stopped protecting you. I kept my promises even if you didn't see them because I couldn't stand the thought of losing you. Even if you find someone else, I will always be here for you."

"Joon... You still hurt me." You look down, trying to not be swayed by the pain and franticness in his eyes."You still made me feel like everything we were was fake and that I meant nothing to you. How do I know that you won't just throw me away again tomorrow?" Your arms cross over your chest, trying to subconsciously protect yourself from this man who had broken you. "You left me alone for six months and come back and say all this stuff about love and care but you didn't show that to me once then. Now you want to get back together and for me to pretend like what? We're fine and nothing happened? Do you know how much what you did hurt me?" You look up to meet his gaze again. "You obviously spent all that time listening to me crying but never once thought about telling me why you did what you did? Do you know what I would have told you, if you had let me know why you were scared?" You stare him down, hoping that he can feel the pain that's settled in your soul. He looks back into your eyes with all of the emotions he's probably been hiding for months, it spills from him like a fountain. It's enough motivation to continue talking, knowing he was hanging off of every word like he was.

"That you worry about me Joon, but I am never in danger at the complex because of everyone there that respects you and will take care of me because of that. That if anything I'm scared for you every day you leave that office because I never know if you're coming home or not. Because I know it's not safe outside those walls but you spent months making sure I felt comfortable in ours. I knew what I was getting into when we started seriously dating. But I have always trusted you to keep me safe. There has never been doubt in my mind that you will do everything in your power to make sure all seven of us stay safe. Fearing for each other's lives was just going to be our normal but we both knew that. We both signed up for this knowing that. How could you just let that go?"

"I started slipping."

That... wasn't good.

"Joon... What happened?" You knew about his past, his history. That because of all the horrible things that Namjoon had to deal with, sometimes he would just go into a disassociate states. It's when he was his most destructive, most volatile. It was something you had only heard of and had never seen with your own eyes. Mainly heard from hushed whispers from the crew.

"It was bad this time. Someone broke into the complex. I got scared. More scared then I've ever been in my life and the switch just flipped back on. I couldn't feel anything. So I started doing what I always do when I get like that. I started problem solving, and the biggest problem was you, there wasn't anything else in that complex that I cared about more than you." His face scrunched up with pain, before evening out into something so sorrowful it stole the breath from your lungs. Everything about him seemed so small all of the sudden. Like all the air he used to puff himself up with, caused him to pop like a miserable balloon. "In my head it was like if I just got rid of you then everything would go back to normal and I could go back to not feeling so small and helpless. So that's what I did, even if it seemed like everything that was happening, was happening to someone else. Watching you listen to those words, what I was saying, felt like it was somewhere else, that I was someone else and it wasn't real. Nothing felt real..." He sighs deeply, rubbing his face like it could remove the bad memories before continuing.

"It took Yoongi coming in and telling me off, as much as I didn't want to hear, it for everything to finally click. That I had messed up, big time, and needed to fix it. But I knew that mindset was still lurking, that it could come back and hurt you accidentally." All of the sudden, his face breaks out into a sad smile. His eyes start to shimmer with tears. "So I went to therapy." He laughs out his confession. It feels fantastical, the way he spoke it,  like he didn't actually expect that it would work at all before making himself serious again. "I actually sat down with a therapist and talked about my issues, that's why it took so long to come back to you. I had to know it was safe, to know that I couldn't hurt you like I did before. To know how to deal with all of those feelings in a healthy way. I didn't want to make it worse so I just waited, waited everyday to make sure I could keep you as safe as possible, listened to you laugh, and sing, and cry, every night to remind myself to keep it together, and that I was doing this to make sure you would never cry again. That I wouldn't ever make you cry again. I'm sorry it took me so long to come back to you Angel." His body seems to relax with the confession, as if he had finally gotten the burden off that was holding him back.

"Do you know how bad that hurts to hear?" You were torn up. You thought he had... That he had abandoned you? Thought you were left for dead only to find out he did something so out of character of anything you thought he would ever do. It took him months to start opening up to you! You can't even imagine him going to someone to talk about his emotions.

"Then give me the chance to learn."

"Joon-"

"Please. I promise I'll treat you right this time. I'll take you on all the dates you want. We can go to the food stalls and get the greasy food you love so much; we can even go feed the ducks at the park; it doesn't matter how disgustingly domestic. I just don't want to be without you anymore. Please. I'm sorry." He let's out a curse before wiping away his own tears that had gathered in his eyes. Namjoon isn't one to beg, you don't think you've heard him say please once in the entire two years you've known him.

You sigh, you know his character, knows he means what he's said. But you also trusted him to mean it before.

You could feel all of your anger leaving, instead in its place was the want to have your old relationship back. The one where you both snuck Jungkook's console out of his room and played games till you couldn't keep your eyes open. Or when he would take you out to see the stars on the rooftop of one of his buildings, complete with a picnic and a stupid live band. The one where when you found out your mom passed and he held you while you cried for days, holing you both up inside his office and not going to any of his important meetings to make sure you were ok. The one where you brought him breakfast in bed but he didn't even eat it just pulled you into the bed for more cuddles. You missed it, there's nothing on this planet you missed more.

You wanted to believe him. More than anything you did.

"I don't know if I can trust you Joon. You absolutely broke my heart and it took me so long to get over you. I'm not even sure I really am..."

"Let me prove it to you. How serious I am about this. I'm more serious about this then I ever have been about anything else in my life. Please believe me Angel."

You cover your face with both hands, trying to rub away the actual emotion from showing. Hands grab your writs, pulling them gently away from your face. He was so much closer than he was a minute ago. He leans in and you don't stop him. His lips meet your tentatively, fully expecting you to pull away but you don't. You pull him in closer trying to make up for all the time you've spent apart. You had missed him so much, missed this, how soft he was with you. That despite what he chose to do as a profession he always held you like you were fragile, like if he held you to hard, you were going to break. And he had broken you, but he came back to put together the pieces and promised to do better, and you would hold him to that.

You pull back from the kiss, resting your forehead on his.

"The minute you pull something like that again I'm leaving and I'm never coming back."

"I know.  But I won't give you another reason to."

"You better not." You intend it to come out with malice but it just sounds relived. "Now come here, I've missed you so much." If the kiss was desperate the hug seems starved, Namjoon repeats 'Thank you Angel' while kissing the top of your head. You're just happy to feel his warmth again even if the hugging is a bit awkward due to you still sitting.

If he was serious about this, and you knew he was, you would fit back together. Something about him just pulled you in and it was hard to ignore. He was one of the sweetest and kindest people you had ever met. No one just does what he did not only for you, but for the six other men he considered family if he didn't truly have a heart. And you really had missed him just as much as he had clearly missed you. You wouldn't mind spending the rest of your life in his arms, even if the pieces are shattered right now and he'd really have to prove you could trust him again. You really want it to work, for both of your sakes.