#also the way some people are starting to call me 'mello' is so cute it makes me giggle

[mellohiizz]

hi mello, I think you'll be fine as long as you don't main tag ship art :'D

always love your art sm btw, it's so sooo pretty <333

omg, i was just about to send something in your inbox too, hii!! i feel like ik exactly what your recent post is about lol. i don't like shipping discourse at all, and i prefer to stay away from it. i think it's fair people want to like let people know they're crossing boundaries and stuff, generally, so no shade to the person who send me last ask!! i didn't really want to respond to it at first, but i personally always get very nervous when people "confront" me, or something and feel like i have to?? my anxiety can't handle it. i agree it's kind of weird, though, i never know how to properly respond 'cause it's hard to tell what's acceptable or not sometimes… so yes sorry for the yapping session, i just have a lot of thoughts on this topic /silly anyway! W take, you are so cool ari i love you, your art always brings me so much joy and brightens my day it means so much to me that you love my art too 💕💕

[galgali]

just gonna answer all of these bc i want to hope that's cool

like everyone else my favorite episode is 25 😔 (special shoutout to the last ten minutes of episode 37 though that is one of the best show endings i've ever seen in my life)

like rem. i'd be all over that

honestly for a while

i want to answer this but the opposite way-- i think kabru from dungeon meshi would thrive in death note skjfgdfjg (and light would make a great trigun villain)

sooo many (death note is a comedy) but probably the funniest sequence to me in the whole thing is when they're at school and light calls misa to get L's name and is incredibly smug and maniacal about it and then L picks up the phone

first one of course

light 😔

GOD.... WHY DID I ALMOST TEAR UP AT L'S DEATH EVEN WHEN I KNEW THAT WOULD HAPPEN FOR OVER A DECADE... THAT WAS CRAZY

my FAAAAVORITE light yagami song is bird song by florence + the machine. it's so so so so him it's crazy i can't believe there's not a billion amvs of it

matsuda OBVIOUSLY. also naomi and honestly L like that would be so funny

omg the end of the yotsuba arc where everyone on the task force starts touching the death note and everyone can see the shinigami was crazy i loved how that was done. but also as someone who somehow was not spoiled on what misa's actual role is and only knew her as "light's girlfriend or something" for 12 years, finding out that she also has a death note was surprising and so cool!

read the hinterland doctrine NOW. YES ALL 700K. CLEAR YOUR SCHEDULE AND DO IT RIGHT NOW.

i'm clinically insane over lawlight sorry. also a big remisa fan though

adult sayu....? i guess....? 😭

oh ABSOLUTELY matsuda obviously but also deeply ryuk. i'm also here to laugh at everything, go "oh you're crazy crazy" to light yagami, and pester people to feed me my favorite food

the entirety of light's warehouse speech because the voice acting for it is insanely good, and especially the "who else could have done it and come this far?" line

literally how shinigami use the death note. which is crazy because that's the whole premise but i feel like that's so weirdly unexplained?? like ryuk says that shinigami are doing fuckall in their realm and not even killing humans anymore but isn't being reaped by a shinigami how humans die? clearly people were still dying like normal before light got the note?? we never see any shinigami do "regularly scheduled" death note kills at all so HOW is ANY of this working

PERIWINKLEEEEEEE ☺️ (also they do in the jdrama! misa's is red it's so cute)

CUNTY! i'd need some strappy goth fit that could also double as charli xcx concert clothing

SALT AND VINEGARRRRR

other than some stupid posts here and there, the one i'm currently working on is a fic where L uses the death note and i'm very pleased with the idea... time will tell if i do anything with it

that mello and near are meant to represent L's two halves-- emotion and logic respectively

the rain/foot scene in the anime, but the entire blue scene in the jdrama. god. i'm not over that. there's soooo much you can read into for both of those scenes

misa of courseeee

episode 2 :') episode 1 was already fun but episode 2 was where it REALLY grabbed me. i LOVED seeing the set-up of light versus L and how the lind l. tailor thing + the resulting SCATHING call-out that followed played out. i was just having so, so, so much fun with it and continued to have a lot of fun with it

my favorite character is unfortunately light so everything bad that happened to him i was cheering for and he deserved it buuuuut if i had to pick a saddest thing to happen. i really adore everything about his death and there is something undeniably tragic about the scene where he runs past the vision of his younger self. i love that light, corrupted beyond belief, bleeding out and running away like a coward, has to face the memory of who he was before he ruined himself forever, and has to face just how much he's fallen and lost everything. it's incredibly cathartic for the audience to see light finally have to recognize that he's failed beyond redemption, even minutes before his death

💀🪽🥱->📕🌏->📕👦-> 💀💀💀💀💀💀->🇱🤔->🇱👦->🇱🔗👦->🏳️‍🌈❓->👦🫱📕->⌚🖊️->🇱💀->👦🥳->👦🪦💃->💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀->🇳➕Ⓜ️🟰💀🪽🖊️👦📕->👦💀->🥳

oh my godddd picking just one is so hard when death note honestly has some of my favorite official art of anything ever. i just love the style of it, the colors, and the imagery used. so i'll just use a recent favorite which is:

29. THE 2015 JDRAMA.... i jokingly call it death note stampede because it feels like a remix of the source material in a similar way as trigun stampede, but as with stampede, i also really love it. for the most part the differences it makes are pretty interesting and i think it stands really well on its own. while i love how unapologetically evil canon light is i also love how tortured light is in this one and how much desperation is in his relationship with L. it's a fascinating take on death note! (and in many ways, a much more cohesive one) also a huge fan of the musical though

30. REM.... i love her so much. i would say naomi but i've yet to read the bb case (SORRY I WILL I PROMISE). also kiyomi had such fascinating potential but o&o are too misogynist to do anything about it 🥲 the pattern here is just female characters.

Favorite chapter/episode?

If you had a Death Note, what would you want your Shinigami to look like?

How long do you think you could get away with hiding a Death Note?

If your favorite character weren’t in Death Note, what anime/manga do you think they would thrive in?

A scene that makes you laugh.

Which is your favorite opening?

Your favorite kira?

The death that affected you the most.

What song(s) fit the vibe of your favorite character?

A character you would hang out with irl.

What moment surprised you the most?

What is a fanwork (edit, fic, art, etc.) that you still think about to this day? (Pls link to the original!)

Favorite ships?

What character do you think you look the most like?

Which character’s personality do you relate to?

A line from the series that stuck with you.

A question that was never answered, but you wonder about all the time.

If Death Notes came in different colors, what color would yours to be?

What would be your staple kira catching outfit?

Favorite potato chip flavor?

A Death Note fanwork that you’ve made and are proud of.

A favorite Death Note theory.

Your favorite interaction.

Who do you think had the best style?

At what point did you fall in love with Death Note?

Saddest moment for your favorite character.

Lay out the plot of Death Note using only emojis.

Favorite official art.

Favorite Death Note Spin off media.

A character that needs to be mentioned more.  

[rnisa]

Misa for the ask meme!

Oh, thank you! ; - ;

Misa Amane, hmm.. my least favorite thing about her is her static personality. She'd be a lot more interesting if Ohba actually bothered to give any character besides Light a legitimate arc. She never grows, never changes, she just stays the same. If she were written in a way where the cracks start to show (her "relationship" with Light, what they're doing) and if she decided she didn't want that lifestyle anymore, she wants to be loved by a true and honest person, not playing pretend with a serial killer...I think that realization and Misa doing her best to try and escape that situation would have been such a relatable masterpiece.

As far as favorite thing goes, I'm going to say her personality. When she's not Kira, she's really endearing, cute, and fun. Her character is definitely an amazing foundation that could have been so much more, in hands that actually cared. Aside from that, her fashion sense. Even when I forgor about Death Note for however many years, I STILL wear my hair like this cute lil bitch because she's just so iconic. She's a lot different than the rest of the cast, where they're so calculating and secretive. Misa is bold, and creative. I would have loved an AU where she isn't Kira, but somehow ends up in this mess anyways and works as a spy for L, along with Matsuda. Because their manager-model duo was just too fun.

Fanon pet peeves? I don't really have any. Aside from a large majority of people hating her. She's not perfect, like anyone in the series she has her own flaws and fuck-ups, but the fandom can really treat her poorly.

And yes, contrary to what many would like to say, she is smart - just not a literal genius like Light, L, Mello, Near...y'know, the ones who are intentionally supposed to have near-superhuman intelligence. Funny thing is, I honestly feel that half of the fans who call Misa stupid are probably...not much smarter than her. If you ask me, she's of "average" intelligence, but also - there's no need to shame a character (or real person for that matter) for not...being a genius. I know it's hard in a show where most of the main characters have above-average intelligence, but that is really not the norm.

Want to know what else pisses me off with how the fandom treats Misa? They neglect her traumatic past. Granted, you can definitely pin this on Ohba not really giving much of a fuck when it comes to backstories, and that we only get a short glimpse of her story...but she lost her parents and was almost assaulted by a deranged fan. Within a short amount of time. When she was a young adult. Like, this is no excuse for her wrongdoings, but for fuck's sake it definitely explains some shit.

If she had a dedicated episode similar to Mikami did, I bet a lot of people would have a lot more empathy for her character. I can't really fault people for not caring when her backstory is brushed under the rug faster than my weed when someone opens my door, but still.

Also, people saying they hate her, "because she's annoying" I don't even try to discuss this with. Whether their opinion is valid or not I don't care, I've just had enough of female characters hated for being "annoying". It's just an argument I don't want to have anymore.

Send me a character and I'll tell you my least favorite and favorite thing about them and the fanon pet peeves I have with them

[dragonsareourfuture]

Mello/GN! Reader — Shower Thoughts

I’m reading the death note manga for the first time and I recently got to that part where Mello’s just kinda. Waitin’ outside the shower for Halle bc they cant talk anywhere else without being heard by bugs. I think its really funny but I couldn’t help but imagine that same scene happening with someone with a completely different personality. So have a small thing I wrote about it. Basically the reader likes to be annoying and uses humor to deflect from serious situations. I’m not self-projecting what do you mean.

“So.” You haven’t shut up since Mello pointed the gun to your head. It’s like he’s forced you to spit out an essay of the dumbest shit he’s ever heard and you were giving him material for an ‘A+’. He has no idea if this is your way of panicking during a stressful situation or if you just like to irritate him. He just knows he’s annoyed as all hell and has the power to silence you…but he wouldn’t do that. He needs you to get to Near. Unfortunately. “How was your day?”

His eyes bore into the sink, as if willing the faucet to start up and fill the room with water so he can drown. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“You’re right, you’re right. I guess that wasn’t the best question, huh? Sorry.”

Mello hums. He’s staying as still as he can. It’s not like he thinks that any movement will prompt you to talk again, but that’s what the paranoid part of his brain is telling him. Silence. He just needs a few moments of silence—

“Ah, shit! Soap in my eye! I got—ahhh fuck – I got soap in my eye…”

“Great. Think you can suffer any more quietly?”

“Wow. No sympathy.” You pout, and the tone in your voice is genuinely upset. Most likely because he’s not playing along and not because you’re so offended that he’s being cruel to a poor, soap-blinded person. “Gevanni wouldn’t treat me this way.”

“If he could hear you I’m sure he’d want to blow your brains out, too.”

You bark with laughter. Mello hears a soap bottle fall.

“Aren’t you so cute! I certainly don’t mind if you stay here a little longer, yellow Mello! We could build you a nice lil’ pillow fort in the bathtub.”

Mello’s rubbing his temples, letting out a labored sigh. He is legitimately getting a headache from you. He thought that was just something people claimed happens when they’re being dramatic but he is actually getting a headache. But again, he needs you. And you’ve been an incredible help thus far. Despite your mannerisms and attitude, you’re actually a pretty serious and loyal person when it counts. These are all things Mello tells himself as he’s counting down from one hundred – and old anger management trick that he was forced to learn back at Wammy’s. He has found that it has little effect.

“Hey,” you call, as if bothered by the short bout of silence in the room. “I’m- shit…I’m sorry, okay? I don’t like this situation either. But I guess…I’m trying to make it a little better?”

For once, you let only the patter of water on porcelain fill the room. He can almost hear your breathing, and it sounds calculated. Mello’s headache wains.

“Thanks.” It’s all he can think to say. He knows you mean well, he always has. “I appreciate the effort.”

Your relieved chuckle bounces off the walls. It’s a sound Mello is happy to hear.

“M’glad.” And he can tell you are, as the smile you wear can be heard in your voice. “I’ll be done in a minute, I promise. I just gotta wash my hair so I’ll give you a play by play of what I’m doing so you know just how ‘almost done’ I am.”

“(Name), please don’t—“

“I’m grabbing the conditioner.”

“I swear if you—“

“I’m squeezing some onto my hand.”

Mello can feel his headache creep back into his skull. “I literally have a gun and you’re gonna make me wanna—“

“I’m putting it on my hea-AHH!” your riveting narration is interrupted by a screech when Mello punches the shower curtain right next to your face. “JESUS!”

He goes to tell you off when his eyes flit to the bathroom mirror and his words are caught in his throat. The sight that greets him is different for two different reasons. The first reason makes the second reason even more curious. Firstly, Mello has learned to accept that his face will never look the same again. His eyes wander around his left side, trace the pattern of the scar melded into his flesh like a searing reminder of how he’ll always be stuck where he is, never progressing, never rising above. But the scar has more than mental drawbacks; it also limits the physical movements of his features. Its stiff, like stone has begun to creep over the expanse of his face. So why, then, was he just able to smile so effortlessly without even noticing?

As annoying as you are…you’re the most fun Mello’s had in a while.

“Alright, I’ll stop! I’m sorry!”

“Yeah, Yeah. Just hurry up.”

“Oh right, we’ve gotta deceive my boss in a few.”

Mello snorts at how nonchalantly you say it. “I doubt he isn’t aware of us already.”

“’Us’?”

“That we’ve been conspiring.”

“Oh, right,” you chirp happily, but a tense pause follows. “For a second you made it sound like…”

“Like what?”

“Pshh, I don’t know!” you do know. “Now I’m about to get out so look away or I’ll throw soap in your eyes.” Ah, changing the subject. A classic method of avoiding embarrassment and a tactic you’ve grown so used to using it’s practically an unconscious choice by now.

But luckily, Mello doesn’t seem to want to dwell on it either. He instead focuses on your last sentence, responding by clicking his tongue against his teeth. “We’re both adults here.”

“I know that! I’m concerned that if you get a look at my godly self you won’t be able to control your adultly urges.”

“’Adultly’s not a word.”

You’re able stick your tongue out at him once you pop your head out of the shower, grabbing a towel from the rack.

“Taking the high road, I see.”

“Oh, shush. I never take the high road.” You flick water at Mello as you step out of the shower. “Alrighty. Time to go pretend to be a hostage while you threaten my boss. Oh, clothes first!”

“I’ll be here.”

After sending an affirming thumbs up, you exit the bathroom, a swirl of steam trailing behind you.

He’ll be here…It honestly is a shame he can’t stay here any longer. But it’d be suspicious. Near would find too many connections between the two of you. But…there are ways to avoid that happening.

Mello finds himself seriously considering the bathtub pillow fort idea.

[oveliagirlhaditright]

Lie to Me

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33943738

Summary: In an AU where L wins the Kira case and Light goes to prison instead of being executed, L gets it into his head that Light should become an executor: because that would see his need for justice and killing done.

Author’s Note: This is actually the first idea I had and first thing I started writing after I finished watching Death Note.I wasn’t sure I was comfortable sharing it with you guys. But I guess I am:)

L’s PoV

L was heading towards… a certain place after the Kira case had been closed for quite some time.

And why he was heading there, he wasn’t entirely sure. It wasn’t as if he owed Yagami Light anything…

Perhaps, L thought, as he now walked into the prison that housed the mass murderer, he was doing this because he wanted to believe if he ever got locked up, someone with his mind would be given a chance like this… or something much better than this idea.

But whatever the reason was, L was walking towards Light’s cell now, to offer him a deal: a deal that had been playing in the back of L’s mind for a long time, even while he’d also been trying to come up with any and all evidence to incarcerate Light.

Finally—after all sunlight faded away and the last seagull silenced itself—L was being led through the massive metal door that would lead him to Light. And L would be facing him by himself. Something that Watari and everyone at Wammy’s House had loudly protested, but L knew that to even get a twenty-seven percent chance that Light would listen to any of this, he would have to go it alone.

L had reassured everyone, of course, that Yagami Light wasn’t one for killing people without his favorite magical notebook. And he knew that he’d be watched on any and all available monitors like a hawk, which was fine.

The Wammy’s boys (Near, Mello, and Matt—perhaps Matt and Mello in particular) had tried to convince L to bring a bomb in with him—one that Light wouldn’t be able to activate on L quickly enough, if he got it away from him, because it was made out of new technologies that Light hadn’t had the benefit of seeing—that he could throw at Light if the man pulled a fast one on him, and then make a run for the door.

But as L thought that there was a thirty-seven percent chance that that would actually cause more harm for him than good, he’d decided to use his intellect here as he always did… and pray to any god that might exist that Light was off his game after these few years (even though that would make this incredibly boring).

L pushed the door open, and was met with the sight of a lot of orange, brown, and grays: dull, fall colors, that had lost any and all shine. Honestly, what had he even been expecting? Perhaps this had been a mistake…

“Well, if I haven’t earned a visit from the one and only Ryuzaki,” Light sang, looking up from the Bible he’d been reading, the moment L crossed over the threshold. And it didn’t escape L’s notice that Light didn’t call him “L”, which clearly meant that he wasn’t seeing this as a victory against him—as it clearly wasn’t that—but it also meant that Light was beyond bitter here. L wondered how that would make the rest of their interaction play out, as he crossed the room and sat in the table across from Light. “To what do I owe the pleasure? Are you here to finally tell me how good orange looks on me?” In some ways, he was perceptive as always, L supposed.

“While I would, perhaps, love to rub it in your face again, that I beat you—because yours surely was the best case that I have yet won,” and here L locked eyes with Light to remind him that he had won, and it would be foolish to think that he could try and turn the tables right now, “once of doing that was more than enough. Not everyone is as narcissistic as you are, Light. No… I’m here for… sympathetic reasons, oddly enough. And you don’t have to believe me about that, but it is the truth.” And it was clear Light must not have believed it for a second, because he’d scooched his chair back from L’s furiously, the moment the words had left his lips.

He’d moved the seat back, but hadn’t gone to stand up. And that was smart on his part—Light had always been so smart—because if he had, L had no doubt that, quite ironically, all sorts of police and guardsmen would be spilling in this very moment to be giving Light a lethal injection.

So, it seemed that even in prison—where so much was ripped away from one—of course, Yagami Light had found a way to hold onto his careful reactions. This was very good.

L could respect that.

“I don’t believe you!” Light hissed, as some of the old fire returned to the young man. And his pupils dilated, and there was certainly a maniac look to them, but no red.

And L was taken aback to find that he somehow missed the red.

“All you ever wanted was to solve the Kira case more than anything else! It was just another trophy to add to your case! The most impressive one of all, in fact! And you didn’t care who you had to throw under the bus to get there, or if you had to act like Kira himself to achieve your goals. So, why would you start caring now? Odds say that you don’t.”

L could have said something to that, like, “How funny it is, that you now start talking about odds, when I always thought that that was my forte,” he knew. But the truth was… he didn’t have the time for their game, even though it had once been his favorite one of all.

A new technology had just been unveiled that could recognize faces with seventy-five percent accuracy one-hundred thousand miles away. And L just knew that it was at once going to be nuclear warfare, if he didn’t get out there and explain why seventy-five percent still wasn’t accurate enough and would leave too many innocent civilians murdered in cold blood and destitute. So, if Light wasn’t going to be interested in the deal L had to offer him here, he really couldn’t care less.

As it was, he was missing tea time right now, anyway, and he quite liked tea time.

Examining his nails in a very bored manner, L continued on with, “Like I said, Yagami Light, you don’t have to believe me. But I have an idea… since we both once loved our game with each other so much, how about we play another one together right now? Give me one good reason as to why I should give you an opportunity, and shouldn’t leave you to rot her for eternity, like you so rightly deserve?”

Light seemed to withdraw into himself at that… and he looked so very small. And as he did, L found that maybe he was finally truly feeling the sympathy he’d told Light that he had from the onset here.

It must not have been easy, L imagined, dealing with the world’s greatest ice queen in the world, who lived behind such an impenetrable fortress.

Nor must it have been easy to try and look like you had something to gamble with, when everything had been taken away from you.

The gears were clearly turning in Yagami Light’s head now. And L wondered if when they were done spinning, if he would actually hear some sort of fantastical truth from the man, or another lie. Surely the latter, since if there was one thing Yagami Light didn’t do, it was tell the truth.

Finally, Light looked up at L with sorrowful eyes. And L imagined that everyone who was watching this scene unfold with him right now, was also waiting with bated breath to see what the serial killer would have to say.

“Did you know my father once tried to kill my cat, L?” Light asked.

And there was his name, “L”, again. So, Light clearly must have thought he could win this one. And L thought he must have been lying, since he was speaking of something so traumatic far too matter-of-factly right now.

But, then again… Light was calling Soichiro “father” as opposed to “dad” for once. And sometimes trauma victims did speak matter-of-factly to try and keep their emotions at bay.

Hmm… L tried not to give anything away here, but Light definitely have L wondering if he’d missed something important in the Kira investigation. And L didn’t know if that was good or not. He had asked for this—and perhaps had even wanted a battle he had chosen, as opposed to the one he now had to partake in for necessity—but was it really a good idea to have a battle of wills with Yagami Light again?

No matter what he thought, L knew the best thing was to try and play it all off, of course. “No, I was not aware of that, Kira. It didn’t come up in anything I researched about you in our time together. If this is true, I assume your family kept it under wraps to protect your father’s reputation? Do tell me about it.”

“Yep. That’s exactly it,” Light allowed, and he was looking at his forearms that rested on the table now, as if he was lost in thought. Lost in his memories, maybe more accurately. So, perhaps, there was some truth to all of this, after all.

L truly hadn’t come here expecting to feel anything for Yagami Light today, but he found he was doing exactly that, and he hated himself for it.

He would not again be the man on a rooftop, looking at who he believed to be his future killer with regret, as he heard bells ring in the distance. He would not.

“It was late one night… Dad was tired. And maybe a little drunk… This was the only cat we ever had, by the way. An orange furball that Sayu had begged that Mom and Father let us have. Eventually, they relented. Anything, for cute Sayu, of course. And I felt the same way. But… it had stomach problems, and hairballs all the time. Mom cleaned it up as best she could. I helped, too. But Father hated this about the thing.

“One night… I guess the stress of everything became too much for him, and he was chasing Aki, the cat, through the house, saying he was going to kill her, and was throwing coat-hangers at her… until Sayu and I intervened. But mainly it was me. I don’t know if it would have gone further than the coat-hangers, if Father’s two little kids hadn’t tried to stop him then, but…

“Anyway, Dad never had a psychotic break like that ever again, so we all just dropped it...”

The way Light had told the story… it mostly seemed true to L. And he hated that after once having said that there was never a time that Light told the truth, that he would now ven entertain that notion.

He also despised that he now thought it made some sense, then, that Yagami Light would go serial killer, since he’d had the trauma of seeing his father attack an animal… and seeing as how he couldn’t really get any help, as mental illness was so stigmatized in Japan.

But Light did not need to know any of these things from L, of course. All he needed to know was that he had passed the test.

And for Yagami Light, who had only ever wanted to get the best grades and be society’s greatest being—and to be a “god”—surely that would be enough.

“Light… what if we put your desire for justice—and death, to an extent—to practical use? What if you became an executor, instead of wasting away here?”

And the moment the words had left his mouth, L wished he could take them back. Because certainly Kira would object that he wasn’t a killer and never had been.

But instead, Light just dabbed at his eyes some—had he started crying?—and shook his head as if he were truly lost, “…If you think that’s the best thing for me to do… I guess I’ll do it. Clearly, I don’t know what’s right, and you’re wiser than I could ever be. So, when do I start?”

L meant to fill Light in then, that it wouldn’t be right away.

No. Some trust would have to be built first, before they let Kira anywhere near lethal ingredients or people he would put in the electric chair, of course.

But L couldn’t find the words.

He was, one, feeling too much guilt, somehow, by what had just transpired….

And two, finding himself almost aroused at the idea of Light wielding such power, but using it rightly this time.

“Watari will get you the information. He’ll be in touch.”

And L headed back through the large metal door, without another look towards Yagami Light.

He had once thought it held Light’s fate… but he was starting to realize that perhaps it held his own, too.

And if he was intelligent, he would never see the man again.

But had he ever truly been intelligent?

L had to ponder that now, when he knew without a shadow of a doubt… he would be seeing Kira again.

[vidaflxwer]

to all the villains i’ve loved before: part one

so since tumblr decided to be evil today, i’ve decided to just make this post about the top five villains that i love and save it periodically as much as i possibly can so that i don’t lose anything i say. i’m upset i lost so much that i said about a few of these characters in particular because it was all very heartfelt and loving but you know. you win some, you lose some!

if you all like this i can make a few more posts because i have plenty of villains that i’ve loved in my lifetime that i will not shut up about. plus, some are just funny little mei stories of me being morally conflicted as a child over whether or not it was acceptable for me to have a crush on this character or not

surprise surprise! i grew out of that phase eventually but i would like to caution everyone that these are villains. they have done horrible things but i do not condone their actions by any means. 

now that we have that out of the way, here comes me being extremely soft over five chaotic bastards for as long as it takes me to explain how much i love them. which i never will be able to. so i guess here’s a condensed version of why i love them? i don’t know! all i know is that this will be long and soft and loving so strap yourselves in. 

1. sano kojima

well, this one comes with a bit of a story!

one night, my friend and i were talking and she was telling me about this fanfic she was working on! she let me read a bit of it and i was immediately interested in it, and asked her to link me to it when she was done and she posted it on ao3! so she did but, alongside that link, she told me that i’d probably actually enjoy the game she wrote about if i enjoyed the fanfic she wrote that much and sent me the link to the game he was from, saying that i’d like a different character from it. me, having absolutely no idea what i was getting into but trusting my friends to know my tastes entirely, decided to play it!

and that’s how i fell in love with sano!

i can’t say if it was just how late at night it was that made me fall for him so hard or if i was just particularly lonely then or whatever, but all i know is that i don’t think there’s a single other character that i’ve fallen this hard for in my entire lifetime (though mello is definitely a close second, which i think says something). i actually got insanely pissed off when i got one of his bad endings the first time i played it because i thought i was doing pretty well! all things considered, he seemed to actually like me, which rarely happens whenever i have to impress a character in a game romantically because i suck, but it just felt like everything was going well! and considering the type of game it is, well, i think it’s easy to see why i was so shocked. however when i got the bad ending, i looked up cheats straight away and fixed my only mistake and got one of his good endings and the rest is really history! that very night i actually started writing a fic about him, not one of the two that are posted (and please, never read the one i wrote with my best friend. it’s so bad. i regret it), but i still go back and reread it time to time because it holds a special place in my heart. 

i cannot express my love for sano in a single tumblr post - let alone, one he has to share with a few other characters i love to bits - but i can try my best! i think a part of it is that i’ve never really had someone as stable and mature as him in my life, so i kind of latched onto that part of his personality for dear life. he’s very blunt in the way he deals with your feelings, that much is true, but it’s not blunt in a very condescending way? it’s just like, “yeah, we all feel like this sometimes, and it’s okay” which was? definitely not something i was expecting from his character? he’s very shy which is super cute - he actually gets all flustered in the beginning if you say you want to learn more about him, and asks why you’d want to know more about him, which i adore - and his blushing face... god it’s adorable. i always imagine his laugh and his voice to be really soothing too. i’ve written about both of them so often they feel more real than my own headcanons at this point, but it makes me soft. not to mention he’s just hot. he’s a sadist, i don’t know if i mentioned that, and some of his lines... they really speak to me. the things he does to you in the game aren’t, uh, very nice but i rather enjoyed them. he even has a sense of humor which is surprising? in one of his routes he just makes jokes with you the entire time which is so sweet. he’s very caring, too. he might injure you but he takes insanely good care of your wounds afterwards, and tries to make sure you’re not in too much excessive pain beyond what he inflicts on you, which is adorable. god he’s adorable just thinking about this is making me all soft. did i mention that he’s also half snake demon? because he is! he’s always cold which is why he lights a fire at one point in the game, to keep himself warm, but he’s very shy about his actual demon form which is so cute... i love him with all of my heart, okay? i forgot to say he’s a doctor. well, i don’t think he’s a legal doctor, considering his age, but he sure is smart like one. and i rather love intelligence in a character so it’s astonishing to me. i’m gonna stop rambling because this will just be a post where i talk about how much i love sano for five hours straight but point is: i love him. 

2. victor vale

victor’s rather new to my life - i only just read vicious for the first time last year, and i’m rereading it now and it’s been a blast - but he’s definitely wormed his way into my heart. 

victor’s just powerful. that’s the best way i can describe him, both with the actual power he has and his own personality, and it’s so absolutely mesmerizing. some of the lines written in regards to his character, whether it be his dialogue or internal monologue, just carry this energy to them that’s so insanely powerful? that’s such a bad way to describe it, but really, there aren’t many words i’ve found that can fully encapsulate the sheer badass nature of “victor vale was not a fucking sidekick.” i didn’t mention that - he broke out of prison just so he could defeat his ex-best friend from college, eli ever, after being in prison for ten years - and if that isn’t dedication, i don’t know what is. you have to keep in mind, eli’s invincible. his power is literally regeneration. while victor might be able to manipulate pain, even he can’t kill someone who regenerates. but he wants to try. all he cares about is the chance to make eli hurt, to make him scream and pay for the hell he put him through and his self-righteousness that’s caused him to become a serial killer, and that’s what i love so much. he’s cold, intelligent, and ruthless - three of my favorite traits in any villain, but that’s not all! he’s actually a bit soft, deep down! he “adopts” a girl named sydney throughout the course of the novel, as well as a dog named dol, whom he raises alongside his cellmate he escaped with from prison named mitch. they’re such a chaotic little family but i love them to death, and victor’s actually sweet to all of them, in his own way. not to mention that he’s still not over the death of the only girl he ever loved, angie, even if he inadvertently caused her death himself. i don’t know. he’s just awesome. and such a badass. and i love him. and he was a med student so bonus points to him for that! 

3. kaz brekker

oh goodness gracious, kaz brekker. i read six of crows last year and i cannot tell you the amount of feelings i had for most of the cast without becoming a giant mess because wow did leigh bardugo write some very attractive characters but kaz was the one who just screamed my type. he’s the entire reason i actually decided to read six of crows and i’m not mad about that decision in the slightest because wow did i fall hard for kaz brekker. he’s sort of one of those self-proclaimed “businessmen” who scams people out of money because he can, which makes sense considering that’s how he wound up losing his brother at a young age, but the way he goes about it... well, it’s interesting, to say the least. his dialogue specifically is just amazing. especially when he’s flirting a bit with his love interest, inej, which in the beginning is just over-dramatic fake flirting but it’s adorable. he calls her his darling inej and my heart about melted. i should mention that he always dresses obnoxiously nice, the majority of people in ketterdam are poor and struggling, which is a bonus. and he has leather gloves. he’s wonderful because he’s such a badass - this bastard has a limp and can fight like nobody’s business - yet he cares about his little team. as much as he might hate to admit it, he does have a fondness for each of them in his heart, which i find sweet. not to mention his entire motivations for becoming as ruthless as he is revolve around his brother who succumbed to the plague that kaz himself survived at age ten, leaving him alone in ketterdam with nobody to rely on but himself. he’s such a fighter and i love that so much about him. he took his scars and turned them into revenge and i think that’s one of his strongest points as a character, his dedication to screwing over the man who screwed him over. i just love kaz brekker i can’t take it he’s gorgeous and deserves the world. 

4. mello

and here’s the only character who i’ve ever possessed a love for that’s even slightly comparable to that i feel for sano.

mello... where do i even begin? mello was another character i found at just the right point in my life. he’s the one who taught me what an inferiority complex was and showed me how bad my own was, but made me understand exactly why it was i loved villains so much. because they make their own decisions, regardless of if they’re immoral or not. i admire anyone who has the courage that it takes to be like, “no. i’m not going to become who you thought i was” and strive to be better than they were expected to be, to become more. mello was the first time i really saw that expressed in such a painfully raw way emotion wise so i wound up rooting for him to beat near and light and become the winner in this messed up game that was happening. sadly, as most of you probably know mello’s fate, that is not what wound up happening and needless to say, i was heartbroken about it. mello is truly one of the characters who i will say deserved better. it’s not often that i think a villain deserves a happy ending but goddammit, mello did. he deserved so much better. he was constantly compared to near and shamed for his impulsiveness and it just broke my heart to see how much he was internally struggling to become the best. when i realized that near used him in his own plan, i was so beyond pissed off. 

mello is attractive. he’s badass - he rides a motorcycle, wears pretty much all leather, has such an attractive voice, and not to mention just carries himself in a way that i’m so drawn to - but i love him for so much more than just that. i love him because of what he represents - of who he represents - and i truly wish that more people fully understood his character because he is one of the most relatable villains i’ve found so far. i don’t know. i still have so many strong feelings towards him and miss him so, so much every single time i think about him. 

5. laito sakamaki

i’m gonna be honest with all of you here and say i cannot figure out, for the absolute life of me, why in the world i love laito sakamaki. he doesn’t fit my type at all? in the slightest? there’s nothing about him that would scream mei’s favorite diabolik lovers character? if anything, reiji should be my favorite but alas, while he is very attractive looks wise, his personality drives me up a wall. laito actually used to be probably my least favorite out of the boys alongside reiji, but i randomly warmed up to him recently and i’m glad(?) about that decision. he’s a mess. he’s so flirtatious and does not know by any means what personal space is and is just very forward with yui, to say the least, but i’ll be damned if this vampire boy does not have one of the hottest voices on the planet. daisuke hirakawa actually is going to voice lucien, a hot doctor from a different dating sim, in an upcoming anime adaptation of said game which i am very excited about because god does this man have a fantastic voice... laito’s just such an asshole and maybe that’s why i love him? maybe i love the way that he’s persistently awful and so flirtatious in the way that he is awful? then there’s the church scene in the anime which... if you have not scene the church scene, that’s probably for the best but his dialogue in that scene ruined me. everything about that scene ruined me. i could barely breathe watching that scene because it is one of the most attractive things i have ever seen in my entire life and i adore it. 

[phatpretty]

These niggas

Justin-baby daddy first sex partner got pregnant 15yrs old thought it was a relationship he was 18 I was 15 told me after I founded out I was pregnant it wasn’t his mother made me have an abortion-Trumatic moment kinda wished I had a choice in that matter

Jerry Clark-boyfriend who cheated had kids on me and I even had sex with him while he was in a whole marriage he choked me while I was sleep once talked crazy to me often treated as a sexual object he only came around at times and it was for sexual purposes only

Jerry Travis-started off good ended rocky throw me through a wall and choked me in front of my cousin who didn’t help me. Kicked door off the hinges after I was called over to kick it and a whole white girl was there said “i love you”

Jay bird-sneaky link only sex got caught by my mother having sex in here house 🤦🏾‍♀️

Rico-boyfriend (so I thought) really only sex went whenever he called was always there for me sometimes there for me especially when I was leaving my ex husband and when he felt like someone was hurting me he sometimes only came around when drunk and wanted sex mother didn’t approve the fought once and was sneaking to be with him too said “I love you”

Jason-ex husband started off getting high with the crew and he expressing his feelings while he would be in traffic finally linked over dinner and sex then one thing lead to another spent most of my weekend with him till my mom tried to stop it and I ran away from home got married pressed charges on my mom married maybe two days and was ready for it to be over. This relationship hurt me the most took things away from me that someday I feel I’ll never get back (like my true self) due to the fighting hearing lose knee surgery depression anxiety fears trust issues embarrasses easily if having to deal with shit publicly dated for many years after our married it’s was mostly based on sex tho after club hours mad shopping sprees said “I love you”

Cleveland-thought he was the one. Got engaged wasn’t based on sex made him wait verbally and mentally hurt me would say things that now I know shouldn’t not be said to anyone things like we need to go workout to get your body right or that I need some kind of help and told his family that I was sick meaning in my head sick went out of town for four days lied and said he left his phone charger only to find out he was laid up with random woman putting my life in danger didn’t properly end the relationship just stopped talking to me and I wanted answer that I never got

Valerie-🤦🏾‍♀️we was cool as hell started off as friends who tried to keep this thing private but living in the social media world how could you first girl experience ever sexual things where good until my baby died of sids and she founded him the next morning that sent our relationship on a down hill spiral she told me one time “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” my mom stopped talking to me during this relationship had a whole family gathering to pray the gay out of me I left and moved in with Val her family welcomed me with open arms said “I love you”

Courtney-loved me no matter what but I didn’t trust this bitch as far as I could throw her. We had mad fun always she moved in this relationship came right at the end of Val and I and it happened quick social media relationship for sure I felt fat all I did was eat but she loved all of my and still does but I was older and that was a problem and Kiki was no help cause she wants her back and would go to the ends of the earth to get her now where best friends who lean on each other in or times of need she still wants me but baby I’m 40 and she’s still in here 20’s at first it was based on sex then I just stopped having sex with her throw away everything she ever brought had a visual fight over fb with her and my cousin tan and crunchy got called childish for throwing the stuff away saw a msg from another girl in her phone she was still having conversation with her ex and still kicking it with her her mom played a big part in it as well always wanting something from me like money etc talks about wanting to do sexual things to me said “I love you”

Magic-just sex one time chynas baby daddy thought he was going to join in flirts but on a sexual level only

Shine Mello Tremaine-sexual situationships....

shine hit me up one night after 11:30 talking like his all concerned as to what I’ve been up too calling me beautiful sending cute snaps I pick him up we attempt to have sex but it wouldn’t stay hard🤣 next time we finally had sex at this point I’m out of my body I’m this other person playing this game would call to vent his issues I would help him work through the issues other times he came over he brought his kids thought he was going to trap out my house and my car started to call wanting rides then I just cut him off

Mello-the person I started the game with, game meaning the game of me wanting to know what the hype was behind these three clowns🤡 so went out and said some shit to him tremaine got mad and felt some type of way pushed me bruised my knee Mello txted basically saying what that mouth do pulled up on him showed him only to find out he had recorded it and sent it to his friends😮 shine mention this to me but tremaine confirmed it with many failed attempts his tried to slide back but has been lift on read

Tremaine-started with a fb video chat to seeing each other in RJ’s flirting catching a whole vibe chicken wing challenge🤣 to smiling and watching each other in the club to finally picking him up cooking for him talking hanging out one night to sexing each other for hours😮to me catching feelings to him thinking I’m bipolar to me asking what’s wrong with me him saying I’m to aggressive blunt when I talk to him i later apologized for that to him saying “so you gone suck my dick” took my heart right out of my chest I really thought he was my twin flame the vibe was unmatched it was unreal to good to be true even BOYFRIEND VIBES also while holding me asked me to just let go and don’t hold back

Big Tyme-sexual as fuck that’s it that’s all selling dreams getting mad when I didn’t answer my phone passed out boyfriend vibes when I didn’t have my own place was wishing I did so he could come set up show and trap

Lil Love-boyfriend at the age of 17 cheated on me with my cousin Kenya I spit on him and tried to burn him with a iron snuck out the house to be with him was with him behind my mothers back with several failed attempts has tried to come back

P.D-sexual when I was in my early 20’s

Chris Kendall-childhood crush I cheated on him very stressful relationship with kids involved plus a ex wife mother was all in or shit good times I knew it was over I cried about it kinda built on sex cause that’s how we linked one night after the club took him back to my cousins house said “I love you”

Rico Patton-one night stand

Darnell-sexual flirting lead to sex

Q-well meet him because I turnt his friend down (Murray state) played football I was getting high off coke🤦🏾‍♀️linked after a party me and the crew spent the night at they apartment had sex we linked and hung out maybe a few times after

Big Baby-sexual link that has turned into a sexual flirtation over pictures on Instagram to making plans to link to have sex again after 15 years has a girl I think still the sweetest txt to check on me

Lil Scrappy-flirted lied cheating having sex in his girls house when I had no clue of another woman put his hands on me verbally abusive fought a bitch for waking me up cause he was out in her car while I was in his bed

Terrence Biggers-years of flirting with me after ten years finally gave him some on the day my uncle died pure sexual

Lawrence Arnold-sexual hooked up once while I was in Murray state after a party for years have always felt like his my soul mate great connection

Cheese-sexual relationship dated for a few couldn’t get past the fact that his in to these modern day drug plus he has health issues mainly it was sex all the time we linked tried to get me to take a x pill left for many years only to resurface to think that after I had sex with him that he was back in no alter ego was still present and wasn’t going for it at all come to find out his a whole married man as well and also gave me a std

Jason dicky-head over hills for a whole criminal stole from me gave a std had a child that neither of us knew about sexual as fuck family stayed involved my mom stepped in forbidded us to be together we snuck around anyways my feeling didn’t matter

Siwel-sexual always wanted more thought he could be the one big ole cheater

 Ulysses-sexual sweet guy juicy lips

Ron Tharpe-dated when I was 18 always was so sweet behind closed doors mainly sexual never really had a public relationship linked back up but it was all about sex wanted kids with him thought it could be something f do founded out he was dating my cousin let that ass go

Deandre-recent clown ass nigga came in said all of what I wanted to hear typical street nigga bug broke as fuck Sarcastic af could have been something but was inconsistent going through his own personal shit sexed him twice kinda built on sex grabbed me in my face and told me “to shut the fuck up” in a club 😮do believe his a complete lyier was four mths out of a 14 year relationship was suppose to be hooked up with two other people but clearly he claims he didn’t want them no communication all started before his mom died claimed he loved me (lies) how after just three days 

[freigaeist]

sup i got tagged in a few thingies by a few beans big thanks to @ksjknj @rapdaegu @hyejinbee @minyccngi @mochikeks !! it’s under the cut to not flood your dash with a wall of text :< )

rules: answer the 20 questions and tag blogs you would like to know better

nickname: bea is a nickname actually!! the kids at work call me tabeh for some reason??

gender: female

star sign: capricorn (with a taurus moon and aqua rising)

height: 180cmish ? 

time right now: 12:39pm

last thing i googled: pacman

favourite bands: bts, coldplay, gorillaz, lullatone, flight facilities, depeche mode, the killers, placebo (you get the idea....)

favourite solo artists: stromae, björk.. listen i’m bad at this i rather like songs or a certain direction rather than artists ever since spotify sighs

song stuck in your head: help i’m alive - metric

last movie i watched: I Am A Hero 

last tv show i watched: The Walking Dead 

when did you create your blog: i believe 2013? i joined 2011 but made this one to go all kpop back then

what kind of stuff do you post: kpop, aesthetics and other stuff i find cool and interesting (like sharks or history or science or spoopy shit or whatnot.... everything rly)

when did your blog reach its peak: uhh never? just when ppl recommend my blog there’s a few coming into this weird household and wait to get fooled by the houseowner that is me :< )

do you have any other blogs: i’ve a shit ton of sideblogs don’t get me started

do you get asks regularly: no! a few when i reblog asks memes but except of that it’s either personal chats or talking to one another via tags 

why did you choose your url: it’s cute how jimin calls namjoon moni and if joon isn’t boyfriend who is..........

following: 672 bean sprouts

posts: 38,977 

pokemon team: drag me i never got into pokémon and have no idea whatsoever but i guess the blue one?? my flatmate said that i think

favourite colours: black and darker, organic colors 

average hours of sleep: 6

lucky numbers: numbers + luck are two things this life will never combine for me i’ve dyscalculia 

favourite manga characters: death note’s L and Mello and Fullmoon wo sagashite’s Meroko i guess?

how many blankets do you sleep with: currently two

dream job: mhh i think i will do more things over the years? idk

dream trip: we’ll go to greece this summer which has me excited, i still wanna get my ass over to slovenia to visit a certain baby cakes and japan and iceland are also high on my list! i also miss swedens nature

another one:

Name – (ta)bea Age – 22 Height – 180cm Ult Bias – kim line of bts (don’t make me choose i can’t??) Nicknames – bea Zodiac sign – one hell of a capricorn Ethnicity – white and very northern european (my bones are huge dude) Favorite fruit – pineapple, coconut, tangerine, peaches, oranges, lists every fruit ever, apples, bananas............. Favorite season – winter, early and late summer  Favorite color – black and darker colors (like warm browns dark yellows whine red and greyblue) Coffee, Tea or Hot Cocoa – coffee Favorite animal(s) – sharks and lately i love piglets?? they’re so cute omg Dream trip –  iceland and japan  Number of blankets you sleep with - two Dogs or cats – has always been cats but just like my sexuality i swing both ways now bc i’m an indecivise binch Side blog – here you go  Follower count – 1111 teehee When did you start this blog – 2013 

Instructions: You can tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. Put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people. No skipping. 

i future politics - austra ii 팔도강산 - bts iii gone bad - monsta x  iv every planet we reach is dead - gorillaz v bone us_elements - epic high (ft. tbny and myk) vi you are my winter - dillon vii bourbon - gallant viii andy, you’re a star - the killers ix 19-2000 (soulchild remix) - gorillaz x louise - eisblume uhauishsoad i hATE MYSELF LMAO

BTS Top 10 Songs

1. Save ME 2. Run 3. MAMA 4. Autumn Leaves 5. House of Cards 6. Coffee 7. Silver Spoon 8. TOMORROW 9. Just one Day 10. Converse High

phew the last one was hard sajdiaosdh anyways i’m not tagging anybody bc idk who already did this and it’s exhausting to have it all in a block but if you wanna, feel yourself being tagged and don’t forget to @ me i love song recs!! tysm for tagging me have a good one B< ) 

[rebekbeks]

02/01

WHAT HAS HAPPENED IN MY LIFE SINCE MELLO

So I hung out with Danny I think the day I got back or something and we caught up on whatever. I told him about Countdown and stuff and he updated me on his love life. i had a meeting for IS that Friday and we did a cold read of the script that was coo.

I went to Marshmello with Trisha and I was super drunk on our way there that I accidentally spit my gum at her and lol now it’s gone in Mark’s car somewhere. I don’t remember much from the event itself honestly I was too crossed to remember and afterwards I was way too high to talk. I threw up but it wasn’t bad and I don’t remember going to my bed...

School started and everything has been okay so far. I’ve seen all my friends and tabled on Wednesday. I got a street cleaning ticket lol but it’s coo and I bought tickets to the 1975 in April that I’m super excited for. The week went by very slow and it kind of made me mad because I was just so excited for Jauz. I saw Split and it was really good 10/10 recommend. It’s my kind of shit I love psych it so amazin

JAUUUUUZZZ

ok so i started out kind of mad in general already because 1) we were late 2) it took us forever to find parking 3) the line was long 4) everyone was fucking blowing up my phone. but we made it in! I looked hella cute and everyone that wanted to sneak in got in, We got water and went in.Julia stayed behind with her friends so I went in the crowd with Trisha Andrew Danny Kristen and Minami and popped my pill once we got inside. When I went to go get Julia, I ran into Luke and bruh I was so happy for some reason lol. I full on hugged him and kind of lingered and I didn’t really wanna lose him so I brought him to where Andrew was, then went and got Julia. He was still there when I came back and I was thinking to myself well shit is about to happen!!! He was rolling already so he was putting his arm around me sometimes and when people came by he did it again and shit. Then he would back hug me so i was like o ok he rolling lemme just scratch his arms lol. At one point I was jamming out with these girls and I PLURd with them then I ended up PLURing with everyone around me then Luke wanted to and gave me his only bracelet he had and I FUCKING GAVE HIM MY BABE AF KANDI HAHAHAHA. He read it out loud and I was like yeeeeah. Slushii ended and then he asked if we should be partners and I was like well we were already doing that. he said he wanted to ask because he’s shy and wanted to be sure. Then I asked because I remembered that he was talking to someone before so I asked him if he was and he said no. SOOO I continued to throw it back on his ass lol. Kayla at the time was telling me she wasn’t feeling her pill and I told her if it doesn’t hit by the time Jauz comes on then she can take another half. e40 and too short came on and it was suuuper fuckin hyphy. I can’t remember at what time this conversation happend but Luke asked me what my first impression of him wass and I said lol it’s on the kandi and so I asked him and he said he thought I was really pretty and he found me like more attractive because I dance and I was like but I dont really anymore and I do not remember what he said back lol. At one point I turned around to massage him and idk look at his fuckin face and it took awhile BUT HE INCHED TO MY FACE AND KISSED ME FUUUCK. I think we made out like twice I cant believe omg like I’ve had a crush on him since the beginning idc what anyone even Dionna like what they say about him he’s attractive to me. Once it was over Andrew was like did you kiss Luke and I said ye and he said be careful with that bc he might still be talking to Sarah and I was like lol well leave it at the rave then I went to Andrews to drink and Luke called Andrew and asked if he could come and he over the phone he was like Andrew what did I do can I have Beks's number and Andrew was like do u mind if he comes over to drink to and do u care if i give him your number and I was like idc if he does u know I'm a no hard feelings person so I'll act like nothing happened and idc if he has my number. He came over and I didn’t talk to him at all and we all got drunk. Andrew and Luke had a talk about shit and I wasn't listening to it at all then after Andrew was like ur good they're not together so do what u want be I say don't pursue it Luke ended up passing out on the couch so we were like lame he gotta go home so he at least hugged me before he left and  Lennard drove me home and I got drunk and passed out on Char’s bed lol.

Also I saw Kendrick after Jauz it was awkward honestly. I don’t feel anything for him but at this point I think I’m just going to see him as a dick to fuck lol he really isn’t worth my time at all.

Now Andrew is going to continue to give me a hard time about it and what happened which I don’t care really. Tim found out obviously and started laughing and was like it was bound to happen eventually and just know my class is dangerous when we’re single I was like I know I’ll leave it at the rave I never fall for someone that fuckin quick lol. He went to open house but I didn’t say hi and he left so lol we’ll see if he tries to actively avoid me or anything hilarious like that. January ended on a fuckin weird note