#also the hilarity of having a snake and being like

[masonspecialist]

If I do get a snake, how ridiculous of me would it be if I named it after a member of UB?

[fisheito]

wanted to get my thots about mirage of scales in one place so let's go thru this thang again and see if i can ,like, feel things

(gonna list my highlights of each story section so yes, it's gonna be. long.

FIRST OF ALL, WHAT A POWERPLAY TO SHOW US THE SCALE RELIC AS EACH PART OF THE EVENT PROGRESSES ooooh i was getting so excited when the relic was clearing up but they HURT ME IN THE SECOND HALF

WHY IS IT TURNING BLUE. NO. NO DO NOT DO THIS . DO NOT !I SWEAR TO DDOG MAKE IT GO BACK *bacskspacebackspacebackspace*

then Scales-13 is sitting there all glittery and sooo pretty upon a plush purple cushion like wooow isn't that nice?? look! we made the scale so shiny and vibrant and it's got lively streams of beautiful wisps-- NO SHUT UP DON'T HSOW ME THAT 😭i'M GONNA THROW THAT THING BACK INTO THE SEA (now i'm wondering why they made the final cushion purple. i mean, yes, purple simply does not miss, and it is the most regal of hues, but also. puplelkl? kuya? he's propping up umi in his last act? hm. hmm.)()

Let's get tooo ittt

SCALES - 1

Eiden, yaku, and oli looking for recipes together = me kicking my legs and giggling, looking adoringly, eyes sparkling, soaking in the warm softness and comfort of it all, rolling around in my eternal fascination for finding new things to eat

kuya: lol u thought *(kicks down the fluff with his chunky heels* yakumo: {={pP=P=PPEOPLE EAT YOKAI MEEEAT????!??!?!! kuya: :) oli: dont be scare lil buddy it's just an outdated rumour 💦 kuya: bet u they used to eat them with forks made out of their victims' spines yakumo: {{{{SHAKING}}}}}}

I SWEAR THE MOMENT I SAW THEM INVITE OLIVINE

I KNEW LOGICALLY THAT THEY WEREN"T GONNA HAVE OLI IN THE EVENT BUT IDK MY DISBELIEF WAS SO SUSPENDED AND MY DREAMS WERE SO LOFTY THAT MY HOPE SOMEHOW SKYROCKETED AND I GOT SO EXCITED FOR OLI TO SAY YES

CURSE YOU UNSPECIFIED TEMPLE THINGS!!!! TKAING MY JOY AWAY!!!!

nvm my joy returns thanks to the hilarity of oli's referral i like to think that these two developed a mutual understanding during elysium so oli , with a respecvt for kuya, offers him up as a worthwhile companion..? alternative.lyy, oli trolling like, i don't want kuya stirring up trouble without eiden around (because the universe knows how much of a sulk he'll go thru without his fave plaything around) and the old man is just fidgeting in the corner looking so bored and jUST waITING for someone to invite him on a little trip so why don't i take initiative here ✨✨ invite him for you ✨✨✨

maybe one day i'll get a yakuyoli event11..... one... one day.......... *deflates(*

SCALES - 2

surprised that peepaw endured an entire boat journey without setting the thing on fire. my headcanon that he gets seasick or whatever is shot down. alas. he CAN stand on a boat and not vomit all over the poopdeck. my jokes are in shambles. fine. maybe he got better after all his boat trips with huey. you win this time, foxyboy......

once again, my stupid little optimism was sOOOOOO glad to have the village chief interrupt the villagers hostility to be like "heeeyyy it's ok.... we're not used to strangers but we should let these guys help with the ceremony" i went, oh!!! maybe the elder is indeed wiser than the masses!! and he'll help talk sense into these xenophobic ppl!! ahahaha. oh, me. naive as the snake....... anywa.y.

eiden, i love you for being such an excellent mediator. you speak for the shy but easily shutdown-able yaku and the "first resort: burn it down" lavender diva. thank you for existing, and being here, and knowing words. lov e u. mwah.

SCALES - 3 i ahte these villagers but i love their fabricular gifts unto us (the event outfits) amen. thanks. brb getting yakumo that light rainproof jacket that he will surely need because he's cold all the time probably .

i am now of the belief that not ALL the vilalgers were pure megadouches. some of them had the foresight to offer *just the right* fits for the three of them. Or maybe they just grabbed 3 vaguely-similar-sized outfits and threw them at eiden, who then got to choose which one kuya/yakumo wore ..... what if it ended up switched and kuya got the fish bikini abnd yakumo got the fluttery deity gear? ...gonna think about that for a while.

SCALES - 4 once again, i was delusional when i thought that kuya was the one to jump into the water to save the kid. inhuman speed? yeah sure kuya can do that! saving a child? uhh,, maybe kuya would do that... if there were no witnesses? saving a human child? uhhhhhhhhhhh ok maybe not kuya why did i even think it would be kuya. he's got his fancy threads on (that eiden might have handpicked) . no way is he getting those wet

it's cvuzz i didn't expect THEIIS THIS!!!!!!

BRO WHAT YALL NEVE R MAKE NPCs LIKE THIS by which i mean this guy is protagonist coded and yall have only been making neutral-to-evil NPCs with a few exceptions lik.e. water consul. l(whispers: love u) so now you're presenting me with NPC, who has a FACE, and FEATURES, and just SAVED A RANDOM CHILD, AND HE'S BEAUTIFUL? ofdmgidrefgsjidokrdglsjrdhgsoliioldjeiuirhedkjsda let me stare at him please can i add you to my collection i promise i'll give u only the qualityest of feed. what do u want. bloodworms? live snails? fresh crab? I'll fight those crabs for you. i'll pick their finicky flesh from their carapace. whatever you want i'll get it for you

i'll never tire of this, btw. eiden, who is just a guy, trying his best to be approachable and nonintimidating with gorgeous dudes decorating him like a wreath. it's fine. everything's normal. no need to be alarmed, hydrodynamic stranger

and for the second time this event, yakumo's yokai sense tingles and kuya offers a (patronising?) "GOOD FOR YOOOOUUUUU guess you're not completely human-washed after all"

SCALES - 5 girl, what?

for a solid minute i thopught we got ourselves into another cult situation like, lining yakumo and eiden up for human sacfirice or smth. toss em into an active volcano style i just thought PLEASE SIR NOT THIS AGAIN WE CANNOT LET YAKUMO BECOME A CULT MAGNET HE'S GOT ENOUGH TRAUMA FROM THAT

....then they end up just putting their hands on the fish scale to make a wish and i feel a bit of relief that this isn't going into maiden sacrifice territory

THE SCREAM I SMERCEAMT

IT"S HAPEPPPNIGNINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG THE SCALES ARE OUTTTTTTT NO WAY YOU GONNA PUT KUYA AND YAKUMO IN AN EVENT TOGETHER AND NOT TOUCH ON THEIR ANIMAL SIDES I WOULD RIOT YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THEY BETTER ALSO TOUCH ON THIS IN THE INTIMACY ROOMS YOU CAN'T JUST CREATE A SPRITE FOR THAT AND NOT USE IT OUTSIDE THE STORY I'M ONTO YALL YOU'RE GONNA COME THROUGH I JUST KNOW IT YESSAAAHSHSHSHHHH o wait yakumo's in pain and the villageres are about to berserk ok focus stop projecting into the whateer we gotta FOCUS ahahahaha look at em scramble around all scared of scaly yakumo

no. go back to being panic. no brazen. do not eene cen THINK o fit

[[they surround yakuei]] NOT THIS AHGTIJT AGAIN oh thank heavens ok at least the village chief is semi reasonable . not immediate bloodshed. we're fine. probably.

SCALES - 6 eiden: yakumo!! how are you feeling!! that relic really messed you up, huh? yakumo: getting away from it helped. my skin's back to normal me: 😒tsk.

and of course kuya is not going to be a convenient plot device and HELP YOU out of a situation. no. he's gonna lounge in a tree somewhere and watch umi be a Very Good Lad and sneak you out of house arrest. dreamy sigh. thank you magic jailbreaker umi!!!!!!

and all it took was umi acknowledging yakumo's existence for me to hop back on the yakubicycle ring the bell dingding!!! all aboard!!!! UMI GET ON !!WE GOT A BOY TO GRIND INTO DUST *slaps a helmet on him* *makes my YakUmi dolls touch tails*

and of course

kuya switching between "ok little one i'm about to give you the schooling of a lifetime because CLEARLY you don't understand how this savage world works" and "oohhhh how could i, a humble little fox of generic stature and lineage, possibly measure up to the greatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgrandchild of the Biggest Snake Ever? oh nooooo. i'm but a widdle boy. don't look to me for answers :3" sassy little......

SCALES - 7 yakumo: what,, what if we all just hugged and held hands with the humans??? umi: 😔 kuya: lol nah get a load of this *turns on the projector so that horrifying visions of the past play on the walls* eiden, yakumo, umi: 😨😨😨 MY FISH FRIENDS! NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -> had to lie down for several moments after this section. dude.... the massacre... the one-sidedness... th savagery o f those indigenous to the island... euuuuuuuggrrrhhhhhhhhhhrhrhhrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *holds a tiny umi in my palm* WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO... WHEN YOUR LIFE EXPERIENCE IS AT ODDS WITH HISTORY... WHEN YOU LIVED FOR SO LONG PROTECTING THE DESCENDANTS OF PEOPLE WHO DID THIS TO UR ANCESTORS... WHO MAY NOT HAVE COMMITTED THE CRIMES THEMSELVES BUT THEY DON'T ... do they try to atone for it? did they learn from it? does it matter?? jdoSJDAUDAWKDJAWWLAWWOPAEWAEPORL:FKS

oh frick story is happening wait recalibrating

villagers: THEY'VE COME FOR OUR BLOOD yakumo: (visibly shaking) i don't hate humans!! i... i've never wanted to hurt humans! please, we may be different, but-- kuya: (smiling while the storm rages around him)

me: steadily inching toward kuya in terms of "i agree with this one i'm kinda excited to see yall suffer"

>!>!>!>>!??!?!?!?!??! YAKUMO??? WHAT R YOU DOING??? DID YOU JUST MAKE A GIANT SHIELD?!?!?!?!?!?!? BABY BOY WHAT IS WITH YOU AND THE SHIELD.S. YOU ARE SUCH A SHIELDER. DIDN'T YOU DO THIS RECENTLY IN THE STORY WITH BERSERKER OLI? OHHHhh, i'm so proud of you you couldn't have done this 2 years ago!! you've come so far in terms of essence control and you're always using it to protect people you're doing so good and i-- CLIFF HANGER??!??!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!

a moment to breathe, if you (i) please. a moment to consider: what does yakumo's shield technique look like? hm/ / . more on that later.

SCALES - 8

WAHT IOSWRONG WITH YOU!!! DUMBASSES!!!!!! no, not dumahzsss. estupido. gonk. IDIOTA

YEAH!FILL THEIR LUNGS WITH SOUR GUMMIES, EIDEN

WHAT IS WRORNG WITH YOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

THESE ppl are so incredibly stupid that i cannot even fathom............ this boy is saving yalls asses with a giant shield (tbh, if he can make such a giant shield he could have chosen to make a smaller bubble shield or smth that only saved eiden/kuya/umi . but he consciously chose to protect ALL of u)

YAKUMO MAY HAVE MERCY ON YOU BUT I WON'T *clambers over the giant wave with my supersoaker full of piss and who-knows-what-else-concoction*

SCALES - 9 imaginging umi sneaking into the lighthouse at night to feed the fish scale his lil blood drips like a pet a pet thats keeping all these ungrateful humans alive

umi: um. why is it doing that. *points to village chief kneeling befor ehim* kuya: what did i mcfkin tell you. humans suck eiden: hella yakumo: my worl d is crashing down was mmy life a lie can humans and yokai really coexist with each other ? yes of course they have to be able to there's no way that humans are evil and to doom them would be too cruel-, adn yet how will the complicated history between umi's ancestors and- umi: i'm not sure how i can help kuya: i mean it's totally your choice. what does it matter to me ? you can do wahetevr you want and ultimately, it's not like any of our opinions matter because nature will reclaim us as it so forcefully reclaims all. why fuss over such trivial decisions when we are but pawns of fate. but yeah. killing them sounds pretty peachy right now ngl

SCALES - 10

you are too nice umi the paths that require the least amount of effort from you will let the villagers wipe themselves out

the fact that kuya is willing to drop the origins of the relic and how to potentially make a new one?? i guess he's not being such a hermit crab about info... so he's being generous in his own way by sharing knowledge... and umi can make an informed decision.

i gotta say that i was mini-spoiled on this part of the story, compeltely by accident on someone else's part... there were multiple tumblr ppl posting about their reactions to the story and going "IF UMI DIES I'M GONNA BE SO ANGRY" and i, living in a lala ideal world of my own, had never even CONSIDERED that a possibility but once i read other's fears about that potential future i was like NOOOOOOOOO AND NOW THEY'RE GIVING UMI AN OPTION *LIKE THIS* OH NO OH NO OH NO THEY'RE REALLY GONNA DO IT THEY'R EACTUALLY GONNA KILL A NICE NPC WHY WOULD YOU BLESS ME WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL FISH AND TAKE HIM AWAY FOR SOMETHING AS STUPID AS A PROMISE OR WHATEVER

SCALES - 11 cheering, whooping, hollering as kuya sets the village chief on fire

umi: i;'ll protect these humans with my own blood because i loved one centuries ago yakumo: humans have been kind to me so i'll protect them from a tsunami even when they're threatening my life kuya: idiots. babies. sentimental little fetus yokai. let me bring some consequences back to ur actions mr greedy wretch of a human *starts turning SUPERPURPLE*

hOL Y SHIgha kuya let him go? i was prepared to see some new bbq on umi's floor.. surprising........................... not as vengeful as i thought, kuya.... or rather i guess your senpai senses are tingling and you're ultimately leaving this business up to umi cuz, really, this IS umi's business and not kuya's 😞

SCALES - 12

sigh... yeah... you're right, eiden.... i need you to inject some Good Sense back into my violent tendencies... biggersigh... i would have loved to doom those villagers to sopping wet destruction but... right, right umi's lived for a long time... and eiden's crew have only known him for this TINY window on that timeline... we dont know him.. we dont know his life ☹ we AREN'T in a position to interfere with his decision...

*slams fist on the desk again* GOAWDH, UMI, WHAT WAS SO HECKIN SMPECIAL ABOUT THAT DUDE YOU KNEW THAT YOU'D GO THIS FAR FOR HIM??? UGH THIS POOR LONELY GAY FISH I'M so anGYYYYYYYY 😫😭😭😭😭😭😭 *watching umi fade into the white screen* this is stupid my chest hurts 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

SCALES - 13

SCREAMS BEAUTIFUL FSIIH *POINTS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BLUE GREEN SCALES!!!!!!!!!!! UMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII YOU'R EFISH AGAIN??? REINCARNATED? RESET? CYCLE ANEW? kuyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i hope you used your bonkers godmode gamebreaker powers to somehow scrape the barrel of umi DNA and remake him or like; f;just;;; idk reset the clock on him even tho you don't approve of his decision

GAAAAHHHHHHHH this event!!! suffering!!!!!! suffering ana dammdbiguity!!!!!!! no giggles!!!! only existential crises and racism and reminding us of the different lifespans of humans vs yokai and now i bet all the frreaifsjsekles long-lived boys on my screen right now (yakumo and kuya) are gonna have to make some decisisons about how to deal with their incoming grief about EiDen leaving this plane of existence well before theyre ready tio part a and nOOOO i'm not gonna think about that umi is ok and fish again and he's gonna outlive all the predators and be so super cool and resplendently scaled and shiny the whole time that he gains enough magic power to become a yokai again and then he'll live a happy life with people who don't suck and and and eiden's gonna live forever witht eh power of gay neon gemstone and the elemental spirits kissing him gently on thecheek and nobody will have to sob fat tears over their beloveds ever ok goodbye

[liketwoswansinbalance]

I had this thought for a while. What do you think would happen if Fall Rhian and Rise Rhian meet after time travel shenanigans? Their dynamic would be hilarious, with Rise Rhian being tense around his amused Fall self.

And for angst, Rise Rafal meeting Fall Rafal, who is mysteriously a ghost.

Hopefully this isn’t too far from what you’d wanted, Anon. I somehow ended up giving Rhian angst and only a little hilarity and Rafal hope along with his angst. During both fairly consecutive scenes, the brothers' future selves visit their past selves. This all would occur right after Rafal remodels his School in Rise but before he discovers Gavaldon in the timeline. Neither of the brothers know about Gavaldon yet, and they don't learn about it in this scenario.

And, in this timeline, Hook doesn't even get in with Rhian or manage to get hired as a probationary Dean of Good. He just directly poaches the students, and leaves right after the Vulcan incident. Essentially, what Hook did is claim that he's about to leave and bid Rafal goodbye after the battle, yet he doesn't leave, and instead, sneaks off with the students sooner than in canon. So, now, Rafal and Rhian are in the Schools, during the aftermath of the Vulcan incident, while Rafal does his remodeling and torture-marathoning. That is when their future selves decide to visit.

As for Ghost Rafal, he arrives from approximately thirty years into the future, after the ending of Fall, so he's been a ghost for some time, and has had the opportunity to reflect.

Also, some things here might later become part of a fic (although my fic's outline doesn't involve time travel like this.) Very interesting prompt, by the way. So thanks!

Lastly, before you read on, here's how I will differentiate between the characters:

"Rhian" = Rise Rhian

“Fall Rhian” = post-Fall Rhian, by about thirty years

"Rafal" = Rise Rafal

"Ghost" = post-Fall Rafal, by about thirty years

⸻

[In Good, Rhian is prepping for a lesson in his sunlit, glass-walled office.]

Fall Rhian: Hello, "Good" School Master, [a voice breezes behind Rhian as he is seated at his desk.]

Rhian: [stiffens and quickly spins in his chair, paling at a version of himself floating by the window sill.] You... are me. And you can fly?

Fall Rhian: You catch on quickly. [He pats Rhian's wild golden curls from above, condescendingly, like an angel to a stray worshipper.]

Rhian: [blushes] I—thanks, I, well, usually it's Rafal who does. I'm... the gullible one, as it turns out. [He hangs his head in shame.]

Fall Rhian: Are you?

Rhian: Well, yes, considering all the trouble I’ve caused. I suppose I’m fortunate Rafal’s forgiven me at all.

Fall Rhian: And what then? You’re content to be second all your life? You’re willing to let him claim he was the twin created better? [he provokes, prodding, goading his past self on as if with a hot poker, to stoke a certain dragon fire within.]

Rhian: Er… well, no. That wasn’t the first thing on my mind. I’m just… grateful to have been saved, even if… well, Rafal’s driven away my every chance of finding a companion or True Love outside of him. And, I can’t believe I’m admitting to this, but I don’t want to rely on him forever. I just wish that… that I could break away and be more—I don’t know—devil-may-care, like he is, free and unfettered. But I have to live by my values or I'll have nothing. I've already fallen, seeing as I've stepped out of line, endangered my young charges, and unleashed a tyrant on my poor Evers. I'm me. Useless and "whiny" and witless, guileless and impotent. Or that's what everyone thinks.

Fall Rhian: Good. Be careful what you wish for. You’re on your way.

Rhian: [puzzled] On my way to what?

Fall Rhian: To becoming me. [He grins, a slow, snake-like smile stretching across his face.] And you'll finally be cured of your pathetic crushes on men.

Rhian: [He decides to change the subject quickly, feeling thoroughly disturbed. This Rhian is practically a stranger!] How can you fly? That requires blood magic.

Fall Rhian: Guess whose blood it is. [His grin widens and he settles on the edge of the windowsill.]

Rhian: [blanches, staring at the dark, rusted stains on his future self’s armor] W-whose?

Fall Rhian: Your brother's.

Rhian: [frantically] Wh-what h-h-happened? [His teeth start to chatter as this odd version of himself radiates a dead coldness much like Rafal does, except it's a thousand times worse.] Who are you?

Fall Rhian: I'm you, and you're me. And I regret to inform you that—[He laughs.]—actually, I don't regret a thing!—that our brother is dead.

Rhian: D-d-dead? How? What happened to him?!

Fall Rhian: Us.

Rhian: I don't follow. Are you saying—

Fall Rhian: [nods, biting back another psychotic smile]

[A silence falls over them, as Rhian sobers, his face falling.]

Rhian: But why? How could I— [Then, he stabs out a finger accusingly, stirring from his chair, fingers twitching and spasming, as if he were to strangle this other Rhian, like he was about to lunge.] How could you! How could you do such a thing?

Fall Rhian: Ah, where to begin? Where to begin? Well, simple: a need for power, a restless soul, a desire for more. More than your miserable, lonely existence. Anything beyond being lesser than. Doesn't matter why. [he spat.] Don't you sense that restlessness within? Regardless, I'm here to tell you, you're on the wrong path. No matter how upset you are, avoid killing Rafal. Keep him alive.

Rhian: [heaves a sigh of relief. Perhaps, this version of himself would talk some sense into him and benefit from it himself as well.]

Fall Rhian: Just ensure that you're the One in power, and while he's alive, do whatever with him that you will. I really don't care what, as long as he doesn't interfere.

Rhian: [His stomach twists in on itself.] What do you mean?

Fall Rhian: Fratricide is Evil, isn't it? And you want to remain Good in the eyes of the Storian, don't you? If you don't kill him, well then, that's the mercy of your Goodness come to light, sparing a villain, sparing your own blood. So long as you don't directly kill him, you're golden. Just, keep him alive, in any condition, even if he has a broken leg, so you don't earn your true side a pitiful losing streak. There've been hundreds of tales so far, in my time, since I murdered our brother, and the wrong side now wins every time. You've already cursed the Woods for Storian knows how long, so don't make the mistake of killing him this time. Just... keep him. Lock him up. Paralyze him. Turn him to gold and use him as decor. I don't care. Whatever you do, don't kill him, and preserve the balance as well as you can. You'll find other means to an end that suits me—ahem, us.

Rhian: [doubtfully] I think I understand, but... you don't sound Good.

Fall Rhian: That's up to you to decide for yourself, according to your superior moral judgement, but we both know the Storian has the final say.

Rhian: [musing] True...

Fall Rhian: Good lad. You know what to do. Just think it all over. I wanted to let you know. You deserve to, as a favor from one Rhian, to another. Trust me. Trust yourself. [He bows smoothly. Too smoothly, like a sleaze. Like a Vulcan. Or the way Rafal did when he put on a manipulative, deceptively charming performance. He didn’t act like Rhian at all.]

[Then, the stranger disappears, vanishes into the smoke, dissipating, called back to his own time, tethered to a dismal future.]

[Rhian begins to spiral in the harsh light, stumbling around blindly like he's seen a ghost, trying to get a grip on something real, to ground himself after that encounter. He closes all the curtains in his office, whisking them shut with his sorcery, and wishes he were dead, curling up into a fetal position on the floor, utterly haunted.

That couldn't have been his future, could it?

But, soon enough, he hears the clock chime, and picks himself up, heading down to teach a class of Evers. He suspected Rafal was lounging in his office, watching his students’ torture, but he couldn’t deal with that now. He couldn’t stomach anything more, any lurid news.]

⸻

[Rhian was probably teaching a class, Rafal figured. He could leave his brother be. For now. To dwell on the consequences of his actions. Inviting a stranger into their School! What a farce. And Rafal always had to resign himself to the drudgery of cleaning up Rhian's messes. All that Rhian subjected him to—after a while, it became exhausting. Of course, some things never truly changed.]

[Just then, a pale figure sweeps across Rafal's field of vision and comes into focus.]

Rafal: A ghost? In my School? You... look like me. Not Vulcan.

Ghost: Sharp powers of observation, if only you weren't so slow.

Rafal: I'm slow? [smirks] Well, if you knew my brother, you'd really know who's the slow one.

Ghost: [taunting] You'll say that now, but wait 'til you become me.

Rafal: Wait, I can't die. How do you even exist? Is this a prank? If it's my Nevers, they're getting stretched on the rack.

Ghost: [drolly] You have more pressing concerns than mutinous students, actually.

Rafal: [His eyes flicker with a realization.] The Storian! I knew it! The little devil killed me, didn't it? [He stands up and starts to pace.] Well, I can prevent it. Just, tell me what happened. Now.

Ghost: You're even denser than I remember. The cause of our death wasn't the Pen. And, actually, it was your own fault.

Rafal: My fault? You already know what I've gone through to preserve my life and Rhian's! How dare you!

Ghost: [perching on his desk, amused, spoken bitterly] Now you're making progress.

Rafal: What? What is it? No—Rhian?

Ghost: Correct.

Rafal: That blundering fool! I'll bet his lunacy got us both killed!

Ghost: No, just you.

Rafal: What! How! Rhian can't even clean up his own messes, much less run the Schools on his own—

Ghost: He does when you're gone. For at least thirty years straight, and counting, as long as I’ve been dead.

Rafal: Impossible. With his reputation, he couldn't command a morsel of the respect I can, not unless he transformed into me!

Ghost: So close and yet so far. I can't believe I was this much of a numbskull when I was younger. Do I have to spell it out for you?

Rafal: [icily] Do tell, ghost o'mine.

Ghost: [rolls his eyes] HE KILLS YOU AND TAKES YOUR PLACE.

Rafal: Don't make me laugh.

Ghost: I'm not laughing.

Rafal: [He stills, halts in his tracks.] What? Rhian wouldn't even kill moths. [scoffs] I don't think he's capable of killing people or his own brother. [derisively] He's too Good.

Ghost: And that brings me to the second piece of news I have for you.

Rafal: [mockingly] Don't tell me—Rhian's Evil, right? [shaking his head] If you're not going to tell me the actual cause of my death, just leave. I'll figure it out. And take precautions all on my own. [Then, he catches sight of a pirate ship sailing away in the distance on the Savage Sea.]

Ghost: Hook took your students. Now do you believe me? You know I'm right. I'm always right.

Rafal: [chokes on his own spittle] Rhian? H-he betrayed me? Oh, you don't know what you've gotten yourself into, brother. I won't die. Not if I murder you first!

Ghost: [blocks the door, so Rafal doesn't storm out in fury] You've forgotten something. You can't play by those Rules anymore.

Rafal: What rules?

Ghost: The Rules.

Rafal: Clear out of my way. I'm not burning daylight on a conversation for first-years! I'm Evil and that's final.

Ghost: [doesn't move, crosses his arms serenely.] No. You're not.

Rafal: [through gritted teeth] I'm telling you. I'm. Not. Good.

Ghost: You will be, if you don't listen to me!

Rafal: Empty threats. What can you do to me now that you're "dead?" [He strides right through his ghost.] If I catch a student behind this phantom projection, I'll flay them alive. I mean, you're not even convincing, as far as illusions go.

Ghost: I know you've been mulling over the idea of swans for a unified School crest these last couple of days. How could I know that, if I'm not you?

Rafal: [He blinks, processing for a moment, breaks into a sprint, and roars,] RHIAN!

Ghost: See, I wasn't a liar! Don't do anything rash though. I'd hate to watch myself turn into a victim again and sooner at that.

[As soon as he arrives at Good, Rafal thrusts open the doors to a classroom, yanks Rhian aside and out the door, and frog-marches him up the silver tower's stairs with a lit fingerglow to the back.]

[Some of the Ever students snicker at their mortified School Master, being scolded like a child, presumably being escorted to a punishment.]

Rhian: Rafal! What's this about!? I thought you forgave me!

Rafal: You haven't done anything wrong. Yet. I'm ensuring that the worst won't happen. Thus, I will quarantine you for a couple of days. [He flicks his fingers and casts a spell to make Rhian sneeze.] Look, you have a cold. Too many strangers, too much excitement for you and your weak immune system. I'll sort out everything else myself, then we'll talk. [muttering under his breath] Right after one James Hook pays for his deeds...

Rhian: [about to object, but then sees the ghost] Wait. Who is that?

Rafal: Ignore it. I'll explain once you've recovered.

Rhian: But Rafal! You can't leave me here! The students need proper supervision!

Rafal: So? I'll get... Humburg to watch over them.

Rhian: [pulls a face]

Rafal: Well, it's a better option than y—[He pauses to think for a moment.]—either of us at the moment. We're... volatile and... murderous, apparently.

Rhian: We?

Rafal: Later. Not now. We'll discuss this later. Just let yourself be saved one last time.

Rhian: [looks indignant]

Rafal: Don't tell me that isn't true.

Rhian: Is this about the future me that visited me? I didn’t think you knew.

Rafal: All right, sure, I’ll believe you. Just tell me about your nonsense after I deal with mine and save your vacuous soul from eternal damnation.

Rhian: So, is that—y-your ghost? [Rhian peers up at ghost Rafal and tells the ghost:] I’m sorry, about ev-everything. [his voice catching in his throat.]

Ghost: [somberly] It’s not your apology to give, but I miss this side of you.

Rafal: [glances at the ghost, then fixes his gaze on Rhian] You. Stay put. [Then, addressing the ghost,] And you. Come with me. We're solving this now.

Ghost: [to Rhian] I don't miss myself though. I was cruel.

Rafal: Now, ghost. I’m not squandering a minute on ludicrous phantom reunions.

Rhian: [sighs] You’re strange. And oddly calm.

Ghost: The result of death and decades of reflection. I was high-strung before, wasn’t I?

Rhian: Will my Rafal ever change to become like you?

Ghost: Not if he can prevent it.

Rhian: Good. No offense, but I don’t want any traces of your timeline in ours. Even if you have the remotest chance of being nicer to me.

Ghost: None taken. I’d rather be alive. But look at where I am now.

Rafal: [calling from the stairwell] Make haste, ghost!

Ghost: [voice echoing, to Rafal] That's your responsibility. I've suffered enough for several lifetimes already.

Rhian: More than my br—

Ghost: Yes, much more than yours.

Rhian: [shaking his head incredulously, musing,] Same, old, Evil brother...

Ghost: About that—

Rafal: [interjecting, shouting back up] I may be Good, but I’ll never be an Ever!

[The ghost and Rhian eye each other and try not to laugh.]

Rhian [to the ghost, pleadingly]: Keep me company while he's gone, why don't you?

Ghost: [shrugs, declaring,] I have nothing better to do. And, it's... nice, to have you around again. I should've stayed... all those years ago when I had my chance... [his voice trails off] I apologize, for abandoning you, Rhian.

Rhian: Not your apology to give, but thank you.

Ghost: [looks down at Rafal from the tower window] He may still apologize to you, someday...

[go-go-devil]

for the oc ask!! 5, 15, 42, and F for Hashbrown Supreme!!

5) How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Not very easy. Hashbrown Supreme has a very chill personality, almost to a fault. While their trust in humans is one of their most admirable qualities, it also means they are quite susceptible of being taken advantage of.

15) How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

I'd say it's a little bit of both. Most of the time the words coming out of Hash's mouth are very deliberate, sometimes needed a few seconds to from in their mind before they have the confidence to speak them. When they're excited, and they do get excited quite often, their words tend to flow out of their long mouth like rushing rapids.

When they were first transported to the past (the year 1973 to be exact), they were so thrilled about meeting humans who had the ability to talk about music that they immediately detoured from their mission to infodump about prog rock to the nearest people around them, and then proceeding to frighten these poor humans who had never seen a talking chimera before.

42) How badly do they want to reach their end goal? 

As badly as any creature could possibly imagine!

Hash's entire reason for existing is to solve the crisis of humankind's future by going back in time and trying to harvest music into an edible form. They've been taught from birth how dire their mission is, and thus devote nearly every waking hour to solving their time's crisis.

While Hashbrown Supreme is not the only chimera currently working within the past, they do often put a lot of pressure on themself to be THE chimera to figure out this solution. Combine that with the added stress of trying to avoid time paradoxes and the butterfly effect while in the past and you've got yourself one anxious aardvark-snake hidden underneath their cool personality!

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

I feel a sense of calmness combined with hilarity whenever I look at my drawings of Hash. They're so goofy looking, yet they also make me feel proud of the fact that I created such a unique being from scratch! I may not be a great artist, but I do take pride in my doodles ;)

[kyopmi]

♡ — good morning :-)

akaashi keiji x gn!reader

nothing but fluff and hilarity in the akaashi household on one fine morning, 1.3k words

mornings like today have been far and few between lately — a rare, peaceful start to your and akaashi keiji's day where neither of you have any work scheduled for the entire day, where you can fully bask in each other's presence without handfuls of deadlines or dreaded morning commute chasing after you.

and heaven knows no one deserves this more than akaashi. 

after having to work overtime for almost the entirety of the past two weeks, akaashi is looking forward to being woken up not by his alarm, but by the gentle sunlight that filters through the curtains of your room, along with the familiarity of your warmth tucked comfortably into his side, and he can pull you into his arms and the two of you can cuddle under the sheets for the whole day (or at least, until one of you gets hungry). he wants it so bad that he’s pretty sure he had dreamed about it last night, though there was also something about bokuto flying on a giant pink bunny in his dream...

unfortunately, his fairytale fantasy is cut short when he actually wakes up to find your side of the bed empty, with most of the sheets covering him up to his chin.

disgruntled, akaashi immediately sits up in bed and fights back a yawn, eyes half-squinting as he looks around your shared bedroom. 

no sight of you anywhere.

a few seconds later, his other senses start to wake up with him and a delicious smell wafts into the room, along with a quiet sizzling noise coming from the kitchen down the hall. the overworked editor is immediately on his feet, walking towards you and leaving the bed unmade because he’s sure it won’t be long before the two of you will be messing it up again.

he has to admit, the sight that greets him upon entering the kitchen is probably just as amazing as waking up next to you. your back is facing him as you busy yourself on the stove, the cute owl-print apron tied over his oversized shirt that hangs loosely on your shoulders, giving him a peek at your bare legs, and your look is completed by a pair of fluffy, pink bunny slippers on your feet. the scruffy brown dog the two of you had adopted several months ago sits patiently on the floor next to you, her tail wagging hopefully as she looks up at you in hopes of getting any scraps of food.

your dog - appropriately named choco - is the one who gives akaashi’s position away, as your furry friend senses his presence and turns back to look at him, giving an enthusiastic woof! that catches your attention.

“oh- keiji! you’re awake!” you exclaim in surprise, though you don’t look too happy. 

akaashi can’t help the smile growing on his face, stepping closer towards you and snaking his arms around your figure before leaning in and planting a soft kiss on the small pout on your lips. “good morning to you, too, love,” he murmurs, a teasing lilt in his voice as he presses another quick kiss to your forehead. “sorry, am i not supposed to be awake?”

“well, no,” you shake your head. “you’re supposed to be sleeping in on your day off, and then me and choco were supposed to surprise you with breakfast in bed.”

his melodic laugh fills the room and your heart swoons, feeling like it’s been far too long since you’ve heard it.

“well, my apologies for ruining your plans,” akaashi says, “but i think the sooner i get to see you, the better.”

you feel your cheeks warm at his declaration. “you always have a way with your words, huh?” you mutter under your breath, closing the gap between you and akaashi as you hide your face in his chest.

you can’t see it, but there’s a dopey grin on your husband’s face now, trying his best to bite back a laugh at your antics. choco looks up at the two of you curiously.

much too soon for your liking, the two of you pull away from each other and easily ease into a comfortable rhythm around the kitchen, with you finishing up the cooking while akaashi grabs two plates and some cutleries to set on the table. 

“anything else i can help with, darling?” akaashi asks.

“hm, i’m almost done here. you can put the kettle on for some tea, if you’d like,” you suggest, to which he hums in acknowledgement.

there’s a content silence that falls between you, the only sound coming from the shuffling around the kitchen with choco padding along behind akaashi as he moves around. he dutifully does as he’s told, pulling out a pair of matching teacups and saucers from the cupboard along with your favorite blend of tea leaves as he waits for the water to heat up. next, he reaches for the jar of honey on the counter and the bottle of milk in the fridge. 

“the new brand of milk you bought tastes great, by the way. i’ve been having it in my tea and coffee all week,” akaashi comments as he pours the hot water over the tea leaves, allowing it to steep. “we’re almost out, though.”

at his statement, your brows furrow in confusion. “i didn’t get a new brand of milk, keiji,” you reply, confusion evident in your voice as you turn to look at him.

akaashi is just as confused, raising the bottle he had retrieved from the fridge to show you. “what do you mean? here it is.”

indeed, he’s holding a bottle of milk in his hand, but the realization soon dawns on you, making you gasp and clap your hand over your mouth.

“keiji!” you squeak, “that’s goat milk. for dogs. that’s choco’s milk!”

“what?” 

you have to hold back a giggle as you quickly scurry towards him. “look, it says here,” you point towards the label at the front of the bottle. 

sure enough, when akaashi further inspects the bottle, there’s a print that says “goat milk” under the brand name and right under that — “for dogs”. he can’t believe he had missed it during the many times he had pulled it out of the fridge and tipped its contents into his mug. then again, he may have been half-asleep the past few mornings while he was concocting his overly-caffeinated beverages, only noting that he feels much more awake after he’s had several gulps of it.

you’re full on laughing now, partly at the absurdity of the situation and partly at the look of gobsmacked disbelief on your husband’s face.

“don’t worry, kei,” you reassure between giggles, “it’s made from all human-grade ingredients. you should be fine.”

akaashi definitely feels much better at your words, though now he can feel a blush creeping up the tips of his ears. “that’s a relief,” he sighs, setting the bottle of milk back at the table. “for a second, you had me worried i’ll be growing a shiny fur coat of my own.”

you snort at his joke. “well, if that happens, i hope you’ll get used to sleeping in the living room with choco,” you tease. at the mention of her name, choco yips again in excitement. “see — she’s already agreeing.”

before you can say another word, akaashi swiftly wraps an arm around your middle and pulls you flush against him, eliciting a surprised yelp out of you.

“hm, you sure you want that, darling?” he hums, almost a whisper, deliciously close to your ear and sending a pleasant tingle down your spine. “and speaking of sleeping,” he continues, “i think the two of us can do a little more sleeping of our own after breakfast.

can’t let the bed get too cold, after all.”

[thetomarrylibrary]

Lost & Not Found (30)

''I'm looking for a fic where a Female Harry pop back in time (not voluntarily I think) and Tom is not already big bad Voldemort but already has a house and followers. He assumes she is his wife from the future a bit like Heir Apparent (MonsieurClavier) or Serpent in these still waters (Child-OTKW). There is a scene I remember where Tom bought here feminine clothes and she go down the stairs wearing pants which shocks the followers but make Tom laugh.''

''I remember this tomarry fic and I think it was muggle, so basically harry lived in this old building and kept on feeding his neighbours. And then mafia Tom moves in and harry sends him food as well. Anyways so Peter lives in the same building and Tom kills him but then it turns out harry been slowly poisoning him.' [ FOUND Don’t Trust the B* in Apartment 7b by aroundloafofbread ]

''Here’s what I remember- Harry is the master of Death and when Tom finally dies and joins him at kings cross Harry needles him into agreeing to be born as Harry Potter & Voldemort again. Harry acts like a dark lord alongside Tom. At one point Harry is gone for a bit and once they met up again Tom is all over him and annoyed at being separated. Also in the beginning Harry kept sighing and complaining at them being apart for so long since he died before Tom. Tom said something along the lines of how Harry has lived longer than him before though and they can’t commit lovers suicide all the time.'' [ FOUND Eternal Hilarity by Luxis ]

''Harry gets kidnapped/caught and is eventually locked in a cell. He convinces everyone that he doesn’t have magic and it drives Voldemort insane. He is obsessed with Harry and not convinced at all. At one point there was an army of crows in his cell. Harry gets “adopted” by the Malfoys and goes to Hogwarts. Voldemort shows up because naturally he can’t leave Harry alone making Harry annoyed.'' [ FOUND Soulstruck and Gold-bound by PurpleMango ]

''Harry met Voldemort while he was stuck in the body of a snake and since his relatives didn’t tell him his name Voldemort called him Ambrose. (Spelling may be wrong) When Voldemort gets his body back later he essentially let Harry co rule with him, I think he called him the dark consort? All I know if that Voldemort was helplessly gone on him and they were clingy and cute with one another.'' [ FOUND Til The End by AshWindsorTrash ]

''Harry raises Tom and Tom falls in love with him and either gives him a Dreamless Sleep or casts imperius or something to molest him. Harry somehow breaks out of it and Tom is kind of scared what his reaction is but Harry says something like he loves Tom so much he would do or be anything for him. I’m pretty sure Tom didn’t become Voldemort and was a high ranking Ministry official. I’m also pretty sure I read it on ao3 and that it had only a few chapters but wasn’t necessarily short. I know it isn’t What He Grows to Be.'' [ FOUND A Single Love by Vera ]

[subtleshenanigans]

I rank Redwall Villains’ Ends

Note: this is all my own opinion!! Totally cool if you don’t agree :3

Also, this isn’t criticism! Redwall is my favourite series and I love all the books.

((Some of these have secondary villains included as well))

(Spoilers below cut)

Redwall

Cluny The Scourge: 9/10 classic, terrifying. What killed him? Did the run of the bell hit his spine? The metal hanging bit hit his head? Plus this dude got tricked big time.

Asmodeous: 10/10 Matthias went feral on this dude and beheaded him. Case in point.

Mossflower

Tsarmina: 10/10 she’s so terrified she backs into a deep lake and drowns, just like her nightmares. And they did have a pretty cool fight first.

Mattimeo

Slagar the cruel: 5/10 we got robbed. Little funny he fell back into the hole he escaped from. Possible he was still alive, broken at the bottom, suffocating as they threw stones down. Just felt lackluster to me.

General Ironbeak: 3/10 points docked mostly because it was off screen. Would have loved more description of Stryk tearing him apart.

Mariel of Redwall

Gabool the Wild: 6/10 unlike Slagar, he didn’t fall into the hole, but his own trap killed him. Plus death by scorpion is kinda cool.

Graypatch: 7/10 he got what he deserved and the description of him floating downriver was cool.

Martin The Warrior

Badrang: 7/10 Martin killed him so fair.

Salamandastron

Ferahgo the Assassin: 8/10 pretty neat battle. He heckin’ dead.

Klitch: 6/10 this one solely gets points for the hilarity of his stupidity, and the terrifying description of him subcoming to poison.

Outcast of Redwall

Swartt Sixclaw: 4/10 I’m trying to remember if he was already dead once he got yeeted off the mountain.

The Bellmaker

Urgan Nagru: 7/10 killed by his aesthetic. Chump, but funny, and he took out Finbarr.

Silvamord: 3/10 lowkey barely memorial. Like, idiot, there’s otters. Swimming ain’t gonna save you.

Pearls of Lutra

Emperor Ublaz Madeyes: 8/10 idiot forgot his DEADLY PET SNAKE. But put up a good fight against Martin 2, so. Interesting death.

The Long Patrol

Damug Warfang: 5/10 for Cregga executing him, and he manages to blind her.

The Legend of Luke

Vilu Daskar: 10/10 one of my fav deaths. The terror. The horror. The inevitability as death looms closer, and Luke’s speech.

Martin’s trauma: 8/10 he gets some closure and can have a measure of peace, finally.

Lord Brocktree

Ungatt Trunn: 10/10 my fav death. He doesn’t even die on screen. Gets snapped like a twig, and he’s still alive, just paralyzed until Groddil finds him. And the Fox gets justice; the whole Ungatt drifting out to see while his prophecy is being chanted . . .just. Fantastic. Well done.

Marlfox

Mokkan: 8/10 good for her, throwing the chain and not only hittin her target, but making him relive his nightmare.

His siblings: 6/10 there’s some good ones and some sucky ones.

Taggerung

Sawney Rath: 3/10 CHUMP

Gruven Zann: 6/10 dude needed serious help and has no brain cells, but it was kinda funny how quick he got betrayed. Plus, bonus point for being beheaded.

Triss

Kurda: 6/10 on one hand, she’s a coward and it’s irony she fell on her own weapon. On the other, lackluster.

Plugg Firetail: 7/10 snack.

Loamhedge

Raga Bol: 6/10 *squeaky toy noise*

Karanjul: 6/10 into the abyss for you!

Rakkety Tam

Gulo the Savage: 8/10 beheadings get bonus points, plus Tam yeeted this dude while injured. This dude who’s like five times his weight.

High Rhulain

Riggu Felis: 9/10 repercussion bringing back to the beginning of the book, all in all well done.

Eulalia!

Vizka Longtooth: 2/10 lackluster, both his death and him in general.

Gruntan Kurdley: 8/10 funniest example of someone getting killed by greed. Swan freaking killed him. (Honestly the brown rats finding peace is what redeemed this for me.)

Doomwyte

Korvus Skurr: 7/10 Zaran got justice for her family, so points.

Trugga Buster: 8/10 got what he deserved.

The Sabe Quean

Zwilt the Shade: 10/10 the delicious twist of a grieving wife running him through.

Vilaya: 3/10 like. Idiot.

The Rogue Crew

Razzid Wearat: 8/10 good twist, he doesn’t die getting run through but by gramps cracking his skull. Was neat.

[reds-burrow]

Sorting SPY x FAMILY

To celebrate one of my favorite manga finally getting an anime adaptation, here’s a quick rundown on the Forger family. For those unfamiliar with the SHC system, check out this site, run by @sortinghatchats or this excellent summary by @wisteria-lodge. For those of you familiar with SHC, but not SPY x FAMILY, may I propose: an undercover spy has to marry and adopt a kid for his cover. Little does he know, the woman who agrees to pretend to be his wife does so for her own cover because she's a hit woman. And the adopted daughter? She's a telepath who knows all of their secrets, has to hide it all, and is a Lion Secondary. Hilarity and drama ensues.

Spoilers below the cut, so for those following the anime:

Loid Forger - Badger/Bird

Yor Forger - Snake/Badger

Anya Forger - Double Lion

Loid Forger aka Twilight – Badger/Bird

Loid is the best of the best when it comes to undercover work as a spy because he gives each role his all. He carefully crafts his disguises and personas from every snippet of intel he can gather about the person he’s impersonating or the audience he’s trying to trick, and shows irritation when he's forced to improvise a performance based on only small bits of footage (Mission 18). He is also an intense planner. He maps out all the conceivable routes a conversation can take and memorizes appropriate responses (Short Mission 2, Mission 38). An ongoing gag is how he prepares for contingencies that are ridiculously improbable—and so can pull through with ease when the ridiculous happens (Mission 4, 33). It seems the only people who can regularly catch him off guard are Anya and Yor, the two people who, under normal circumstances, he should know the best—the main irony of the series (Mission 35, 38, 48, 59, etc.).

War took everything from him, which would give anybody a strong motive to pursue peace, but Loid willingly threw away his chance at a normal, happy life in hopes of creating a world in which nobody would have to suffer like he had (Mission 1, 62). He has devoted himself to WISE and fulfilling every mission they assign him without fail, even if he internally objects to the strain it puts him under (Extra Mission 1). The only times we have seen him endanger an operation is when Anya's life is in danger (Mission 1) or someone has made Anya cry with intentional cruelty (Mission 5). Even though his work forces him to keep everyone at arm’s length, he says his job is to strive to understand people (Mission 38). While he may claim differently, his actions show a longing to connect genuinely with others, such as when he is envious of the Briar siblings' closeness (Mission 13), when he comforts Franky after Franky was rejected by a love interest (Short Mission 2), or when he regrets abandoning his family to resolve a crisis (Mission 55).

Yor Forger aka Thorn Princess – Snake/Badger

She became a hit woman so she could support her brother (Mission 12, 53) and pursued the fake marriage with Loid so that Yuri wouldn’t worry about her anymore (Mission 2). As things progress, she is surprised to find that she’s as attached to the Forger family as she is to her brother, so her main concerns shift from protecting her job and relieving her brother to also protecting her new family (Mission 35, 53). She has constructed a moral system based around the Garden’s philosophy that they are cleaning up their country (Mission 29), but even with as righteous as she can get about killing traitors, she begins to question why she is still in her line of work when Yuri no longer needs her to provide for him (Mission 44, 49). It’s only after she recognizes her job as a way to protect her family that she realizes what she wants to do (Mission 53).

Yor poured everything she could into being an assassin, and her hard work shows in how strong and skilled she is at her job. It also, however, shows in how she hasn’t invested in much else, which leads to her naivete and feeling useless as a mother and wife (Mission 14, 24). To remedy these feelings she pushes through the pain of a wound to practice dating (Extra Mission 2) and takes cooking lessons, working night after night to perfect even a single dish (Mission 24). When Loid does sense her worries, he pinpoints Yor's effort and devotion as her strong points (Mission 30, 35). Also, for as many secrets as she conceals, Yor is an earnest person and is generally a bad liar (Mission 12, 59). When Anya talks about lying with her parents and Yuri, Yor is the only one of the three adults who says what she means (Mission 57).

Anya Forger – Lion/Lion

Always looking for adventure, Anya acts primarily on her personal wants and desires. Even when she knows it could potentially mess with her parents' missions, she can't resist, like when she punches Damian (Mission 8) and insists on going on the cruise ship Yor is working on (Mission 44). While she comes to love them, initially, Anya helps to pair Loid and Yor together simply because they have exciting, entertaining jobs (Mission 2). She reiterates the importance of this a few more times, saying that she loves being with them because it's fun (Mission 5, 6). She's even willing to consider the idea of having a different "Mama" when it looks like there might be a more entertaining option (Mission 59).

She’s tends to rush into situations, like jumping in to save someone drowning even though she didn’t have the strength to save him on her own (Mission 16) or when she nearly set off a trap she already knew was there (Mission 21). She has also almost revealed her powers or her parents’ identities due to her recklessness on more than one occasion (Mission 5, 14, 29, 32, 42, etc.). But she’s also quite adept in improvising ways to alert Yor and Loid to danger while keeping her powers secret, such as grabbing onto a man so Yor will attack him (Extra Mission 1) or pointing out a shop so Loid will spot the person walking in that direction (Mission 3).

She does try to emulate Loid on occasion—although she's horrible at it presently—which could eventually lead to a Bird Secondary model (Mission 16, 61).

Bonus:

Franky Franklin – Lion/Bird

He used to dream of being a famous, rich inventor, typical of a young, glory-seeking Lion Primary. His Bird Secondary makes him an excellent informant and the go-to for gadgets.

Yuri Briar – Exploded Snake/Bird

His Bird Secondary is posed to be a genuine threat to Loid, for Yuri is almost as skilled in collecting information and putting it to use. His Snake Primary really needs to chill though—he's ready to clean up the entire country single-handedly for Yor's sake.

Fiona Frost aka Nightfall – Snake/Badger + Actor Bird

She says she will bring about peace... for Twilight. Her answer to being defeated by Yor is that she thinks she needs to work even harder. It’s fitting that the two women house match, although Fiona also has an Actor Bird model that she picked up from Twilight.

Damian Desmond - Snake/Badger

Everything he does is in hopes of earning his father's approval, and the change we start to see in him is mostly due to him taking cues from Anya as she inches her way into his circle. He works hard for perfection, studying late into the night and only relaxing when his teachers drag him out on a camping trip to teach him the benefits of taking a break.

Becky Blackbell - Bird/Bird

She's built a "mature" system from her parents expectations and her favorite television show. Her bodyguard, Martha, tells Becky that one day she'll realize she doesn't understand everything yet, a sign that Becky has yet to discover her first system is fallible. As for her problem solving techniques, she's shown trying every trick she's gathered from her favorite show to help herself or Anya.

Bond - Dog/Dog

He's a dog. In all seriousness, he does have enough character development to argue he has a Badger Primary.

[floatingcatacombs]

A Year Of Metal Gear – Part 1

12 Days of Aniblogging 2021, Day 4

Yes, the Metal Gear franchise is anime. That should be obvious.

All the way back in January I persuaded my girlfriend to play through the first Metal Gear Solid game with me, agreeing that we'd would continue through the series if she liked it. This went spectacularly well, and by September, we had completed MGSV and everything that had come before it. Playing through all the Metal Gear Solids has somehow been a great bonding activity, and with their batshit narratives and surprisingly complex themes, it’s given us endless things to talk about even after the fact.

Since all of the games are relatively fresh in my head, I’d like to carve out some blog posts this year to just ramble about what each Metal Gear game intends to say, and what messages actually come through. There are plenty of thematic threads to follow across the series, but, being me, I will focus in on the gay shit. I will likely be spoiling every game I talk about. It’s showtime.

Metal Gear Solid (1998)

There’s a reason this is regarded as one of the most influential games of all time. The first Metal Gear Solid not only popularized a genre, it brought in-engine cutscenes to prevalence, established the standard of actually having cinematic direction in your games, and most importantly, set the standard for what a “Metal Gear Solid” game is.

Despite me routinely edifying Kojima’s writing, the specifics of Metal Gear Solid (1998)’s plot are not the most relevant part of it. The premise and execution of its story are overshadowed by the games that elaborately respond to it, 2 and 3. There are specific story beats that fall flat, such as Meryl’s arc as a means to discuss women’s capabilities on the battlefield and pastiche the damsels-in-distress of the 80’s action movies Kojima loves so much. The MGS franchise as a whole has a lot to say about gender, as you’ll see throughout these posts, but interfacing with these questions too directly can bring out Kojima’s more misogynistic and uninteresting writing tendences. His heart clearly lies with men, combat, and sexual deviance through men and combat, not a tomboy who wants to experience the battlefield but is secretly too inexperienced/pure of heart/feminine to get anywhere.

Pretty much everything else in the story is perfect though, and what you’re getting is an 8-hour romp through an extended spy movie full of twists and theatrics too stupid for Hollywood. Our Snake-hero is sent into a secret facility to defeat the terrorists and stop a nuclear launch, only to arrive and gradually realize that everyone, including his benefactors, are lying through their teeth about what’s going on. The game weaves its way deftly through sob stories and hilarity, remaining a deeply entertaining romp until about the three-quarters marker, where it switches gears and becomes dead serious in comparison in order to soapbox about its main themes, which here are Genetic Destiny with a side helping of Love On The Battlefield. The titular Metal Gear is destroyed, any victory for the Snake-hero is largely pyrrhic, and the player is left to interpret the hodgepodge of themes as they will. This is the format the rest of the games run with, and the first Metal Gear Solid is a near-perfectly-executed template for all future games to look to.

Don’t think “template” means “normal” though. Even in its most base form, Metal Gear is still fucking weird. Right off the bat, we must face a central paradox of its world: the setting is high-tech but largely grounded in realism, except there’s also just some guys running around with actual magic powers, and this is contradiction is never addressed in-universe. Every MGS game worth its salt has a Villainous Team whose powers range from “good with a weapon” to “can control animals” to “straight-up psychic powers”.

The occasional supernatural characters aren’t even responsible for a most of the franchises’ textbook strangeness. Most of it comes from the tone of the games themselves. A Metal Gear game always takes itself seriously, even as a man gets his arm cut off by a cyborg ninja or a psychic reads the player’s Playstation memory card and asks them if they like Castlevania games. This humor comes from the endlessly hammy voice acting and the overlong cutscenes containing full emotional rollercoasters in of themselves.

Otacon is first introduced hiding from the previously mentioned cyborg ninja, pissing his pants while cowering in a locker. Once rescued by Solid Snake, he goes right into his tragic backstory, delivering a long-winded speech about how scientists like him are routinely lied to and exploited by the government and used as tools of war. He then clarifies that his name stands for “Otaku Convention” and starts talking about how anime influenced his career. The greatest thing MGS does with its humor is that it refuses to create joke characters with it. You will be forced to seriously care about Otacon, because no matter how stupid his introduction is, he ends up a deeply compelling character.

A lot of hypermasculine media is branded as “secretly gay” but I think Metal Gear Solid is the one series that truly deserves that, no matter how many times its practically-textual sexuality sails over straight player’s heads. The very first Metal Gear game is already a tour de force when it comes to this. In plot order:

Solid Snake, our protagonist with a tactical harness and a nice ass, meets Meryl, the Girl of the game. He snidely dismisses her for her femininity and her combat virginity.

Snake encounters Revolver Ocelot, a man with countless secret schemes and an unquenchable thirst for any man bearing the “Snake” codename. During their fight, Ocelot delivers the line "I love to reload during a battle! There's nothing like the feeling of slamming a long silver bullet into a well greased chamber." This man is down bad.

Snake faces off against the Cyborg Ninja, a man plucked from the battlefield by the U.S. government and experimented on until he becomes a half-dead machine in a constant state of anguish and insanity. He begs for release, but not before meeting a real match in combat, forcing Snake to use his fists instead of his firearms. Towards the end of the fight he stands still and shouts “Hurt me more” repeatedly, practically begging for it. It’s very apparent how much he’s getting off on his pain.

Snake, having rescued the Girl, is ambushed by Psycho Mantis, a weirdo even by Metal Gear standards. He is very obviously clad in fetishwear, from the O-ring chest harness to the leather to the gas mask. At one point while mind controlling Meryl, he taunts Snake about “not liking girls”.

Snake gets captured by the enemy and wakes up shirtless, strapped to an electroshock machine. Revolver Ocelot looms over him and reveals that he is also a torture expert/fetishist. Ocelot repeatedly electrocutes Snake to try and force a confession out of him, using very specifically coded words such as “submit” when talking about giving up.

Having normal ones

If Solid Snake submits to Ocelot, Meryl dies and he has to escape the facility with Otacon. The two share a surprisingly vulnerable conversation about their true names and leaving behind their past lives, using a 2001: A Space Odyssey joke about going to Jupiter to propose forging a new path together. This is not the ‘canonical’ ending but it feels more sincere than the ‘true’ one, which aims for a more standard action movie resolution about getting the girl. By the events of Metal Gear Solid 4, Solid Snake and Otacon are living together and raising a child, so I believe that this ending is fully vindicated in tone.

So there you have it. Underneath the façade of tactical espionage action is a tale of men expressing strange but sincere intimacy with other men through the guise of a war zone. When Otacon asks if love can bloom on a battlefield, it’s hard to ignore this lens, especially since the scene is set up in such a way that it totally looks like he’s about to confess to Snake.

BONUS: Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes

The Twin Snakes is a Gamecube remake of MGS1 using the same engine as Metal Gear Solid 2 and 3. As such, its visuals are more in line with those games. The voice acting is redone to mixed results, and the backported first-person aiming is fun but does break a boss fight or two. However, the most drastic changes are in the cutscenes. Kojima, otherwise uninvolved in the project, requested that The Twin Snakes differentiate itself from the original. The new director, having presumably just watched all the Matrix movies, went to town. What we get is a Metal Gear Solid that throws subtlety through the roof, exchanging restrained fight animations for bullet time, backflips, and all sorts of then-trendy choreography. It’s a matter of taste at the end of the day, but I’m of the mind that it rules. Some of the quieter, more emotional scenes suffer a bit, but I’m willing to go to bat for The Twin Snakes as a perfectly reasonable way to experience the first Metal Gear Solid, especially if you enjoy the more overblown parts of the series.

Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty

This is where things start to get really interesting. Metal Gear Solid 2 aims to be not just a sequel but also a deconstruction of Metal Gear Solid 1. This was groundbreaking stuff in 2001 and it’s still a cut above when any other big-budget game tries to be “deep”. This metanarrative is compelling, and the main themes are perhaps the best in the series, tackling information warfare, censorship, memes, and post-truth society effortlessly, years before the real world was plunged into these same dilemmas. There’s a million angles to poke at it, but I primarily want to analyze MGS2 through its main character, Raiden.

In the first Metal Gear Solid we are Snake, the gruff everyman retired soldier who happens to be a stealth expert. MGS2’s most famous trick is making us think we’re getting another Solid Snake game, then killing him off an hour in. This leaves the player with a poor imitation of Snake, the blonde bishie himself, Raiden.

Raiden is about as far from Snake as you could get, despite wanting to be him so bad. He’s a rookie with feminine grace and fragility as opposed to toughness. He bickers and whines, and his ass is terrible. MGS2 is obsessed with emasculating Raiden, in the same way that MGS1 is obsessed with sexually tormented men. Raiden fails time and time again at his mission objectives. He argues with his girlfriend over the codec, who is both worried and fed up with him, as their relationship breaks down in real time.

In fact, the moment Raiden steps onto Big Shell, the Colonel starts explains that his sneaking suit is cutting-edge. Raiden complains that there’s a lot of pressure around his crotch, and the Colonel responds that it’s meant to be skintight to maximize performance. That’s right, Raiden’s objectified into the “sexy catsuit girl” role yet still forced to run around and pretend like he’s doing something to save the day. He is mocked relentlessly by everyone involved, and he kind of deserves it.

I can’t talk about sexuality in MGS2 without bringing up Vamp, the infamous miniboss who sucks blood and has superhuman speed and can shrug off all wounds, who is not named ‘Vamp’ for any of this, but rather because he’s bisexual.

It may seem like a non-sequitur, but Vamp’s sexuality really is a threat a Raiden! Vamp is openly and flamboyantly queer during a time when Raiden wants so desperately to be what he thinks Snake is, a tough straight-laced hero. In this sense, Vamp is as much an ideological foe as he is a physical one. Though the relationship between Vamp and Raiden is not overtly sexual (you’ll have to wait until MGS4 for that), it does place Raiden as the submissive one between them due to his lack of experience and personal values he's willing to fight for. Yet again, Raiden is emasculated.

This is all vaguely subtextual until the President of the United States grabs Raiden’s dick.

Once Raiden finally accomplishes something and rescues the president from the clutches of terrorists, he learns that the villainous Patriots have already extracted all the information they needed from him. The president, expecting the Patriots to send a female assassin to finish him off, gropes Raiden’s crotch area and is genuinely surprised that he’s a man. This is perhaps the most emasculated you can get! The person in the highest symbolic position of power in the world not even parsing you as a guy. I’d willing to chalk this scene up as a jab at the then-recent sexual sleaziness of Bill Clinton, but it slots in perfectly with the rest of Raiden’s degradation. Future Metal Gear games go on to establish the dick grab as a marker of dominance and exposure of fraud, effectively canonizing this moment as more than just a random joke.

When Solid Snake finally shows up again, having cheated death, the game makes it clear that this man really is just better than Raiden. The climax of MGS2 has Raiden being tortured by…you guessed it, Revolver Ocelot, in an elaborate recreation of Snake’s torture scene from the last game. When Raiden escapes, it is not heroic but rather his lowest point. He is bare naked, forced to cover his crotch from the player’s eyes, sniffling from a cold, and bombarded by taunting messages from a rogue AI pretending to be his girlfriend and his boss.

Raiden was selected for his mission specifically because of his weak-willed nature. The malevolent Patriots wanted to see if they could bend even the prissiest brat of a soldier into a Snake-like figure in order to test their own image training and information control programs. This makes Raiden a vessel for ideology, with every character he runs into imprinting a bit of themselves into him, whether he likes it or not. This will be important in understanding his role in MGS4 and particularly Rising. At the end of Metal Gear Solid 2, Snake tells Raiden to think for himself and pass down the cultural memes that he thinks are the most valuable to the world. Of course Raiden laps this suggestion up, but it’s hard to say whether he really gets to put it into action, because by his next franchise appearance, he has thrown away that ideology for something different yet again.

Of course, most straight Metal Gear fans failed to understand any of this and concluded that they didn’t like Raiden because he was a pussy, or whatever.

_

Tumblr only lets you add so many images to a single post, so I'm going to cut this one here. Tomorrow, we'll look at the third and fourth Metal Gear Solid games with the same critical eye.

[spenciegoob]

Pathetic and Tragic

Summary: It’s been years since the BAU has tried to catch this unsub, so when Spencer figures out where she is, why did he feel the need to go alone?

Pairing: Spencer x Fem Unsub!Reader

Category: Smut

Content Warning: mentions of murder/blood, slight bondage, hair pulling, choking, gagging, oral sex (female receiving), penetrative sex, unprotected sex, slight degradation

Word Count: 2.8K

A/N: Hi! This is for a contest by @spenciebabie and I’ve chosen the one-shot prompt why don't you make me? 

Masterlist

____

The case was never supposed to last this long. Spencer knew that, Hell, the whole BAU knew that. A woman with ties to the highest degree of one of the most infamous organized crime families should have been the FBI’s top priority, and for a very long time, she was.

Then the case got complicated, and while Spencer’s mind clouded with an unbearable lust for a woman that would take his life with zero hesitation, the team lost one of their greatest players.

It was tragic in every sense of the word, the way Spencer’s mind replayed their first interaction, his lips feeling her breath on him after all this time, and the bullet that always rested in his bag.

He felt pathetic in that moment, letting her take control of his morals with her vice like grip on his mind, body and soul.

“FBI, freeze. Don’t move.” Finally, the BAU had found who they were looking for since her first appearance on their radar 8 months ago. More importantly, Spencer caught her trying to flee a scene she had no business being at. She looked so out of place, the blood and gore that laid a trail to her small, almost fragile figure making Spencer believe for a split second that she couldn’t have possibly done this.

But time moves quickly, and the second fleeted when she turned around to flash a wicked smile his way.

And Spencer Reid was the one who froze instead.

“Doctor,” she greeted with the utmost of poise and delicacy. “I do believe I have a job to do, so I’m sorry to inform you that I cannot follow your request at this time.”

She was taunting him, and Spencer would fall into that trap again and again if it meant her eyes remained on his.

But this was a criminal, a murderer, a sociopath, and he will not lose his footing this time. Not even for a flawless god-like woman.

“Y/N Y/L/N, you’re under arrest for the murder of Tristen Kepler, Michael Gerdinski and Harold Bennet.” Spencer’s voice was slowly losing its confidence as her face turned from one of pure hilarity to confusion.

“Is that all? You might be missing a few names.” She was proud of her work, it was insufferable. Spencer’s anger level was slowly rising, and if she continued to dance circles around his mind, the task at hand being forgotten, it was going to get dangerously high.

“You won’t shoot me, Dr. Reid,” she continued as she took a step towards him, the grip on his gun tightened.

“How do you know?” Spencer’s voice shook with the same uncertainty as his finger shaking over the trigger. She was right, he wasn’t going to shoot her, but Spencer couldn’t confirm the thoughts of a narcissist.

“Because,” another step. “I’m unarmed, and you, Spencer Reid,” another step. “Are a man of morals and righteousness, and justice.” She spit the last word with so much venom that the story behind her rage could have been the world’s most tragic villain arc.

The whole case was quite tragic.

“Don’t take another step.” Spencer was easily a foot taller than her, and with one scan could tell he weighed twice as much as her, but she still found a way to make his blood run cold with both fear and excitement.

“Or what?”

Spencer could’ve sworn he only blinked and she was directly in front of him, but that wasn’t entirely the truth. She had laid a fog over his mind, taking away his intelligence and peeling back every layer of his mind so only the thought of lowering his weapon in favor of getting on her good side remained.

She was challenging him to do something, but instead of the snake charmer charming the snake, she charmed him.

Spencer must have been hallucinating on the high of being closer to her now, but he could’ve sworn the crime scene they were in was starting to grow the same vines in the Garden of Eden, because there she stood handing Spencer an apple.

Like Eve, Spencer took it.

The second his gun lowered slightly, she pounced. She had him disarmed and on his back before he had time to process the feeling of her skin on his. If the impact to the ground didn’t knock the wind out of Spencer, her close proximity would.

She had a heel digging into his wrist closest to his gun that was only inches away, taunting him for his pathetic lust. Slowly, she bent down, entering the fog, black smoke mixing with his innocent, white cloud to create a gray that he wouldn’t dare call dull.

“I’m sorry it has to be like this, Spencer. Truly, I am.” Her eyes left his to scan his face before she reached over to his gun. The thought crossed his mind that she was going to kill him, but would that be so bad when he was breathing the same air as her?

She emptied the chamber into her hands, only leaving one bullet. He walked this road before, he knew his chances.

“One bullet, one chance.” She spun the chamber before slamming it back in place. “God, I really hope you live.”

For a split second, they shared a gaze clouded with desire for the other. Spencer let his mind fade into what her lips would feel like against his, or how her body would tremble under his. She had control now, but he knew from the way her eyes begged, even just for one second, she wanted him to flip the roles and take her right there. He would’ve too if it wasn’t for the cool metal that pressed against the side of his head.

Click!

An empty threat, yet she still smirked. “Today’s your lucky day, Doctor.”

She looked up to where a single headlight shone through the window above them, her hair trickling down to brush against Spencer’s neck, and he sighed at the small contact. It was pathetic, really.

“That’s my ride. See you around.” With that, she winked and ran off towards her getaway. Spencer laid there, taking in shallow breaths that escaped him during their interaction.

She had been stalling him, and he fell for it.

Spencer still carried around that bullet as a reminder. A reminder that he needs to catch her, she was too dangerous, and anything less than her being imprisoned for life wasn’t good enough. 

It was also a reminder of how he felt when she was with him, over him, dominating him. Spencer never felt that helpless, that pathetic, that hungry for someone, and he wasn’t ready to let that go quite yet.

There was no new case that came in this week, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't keep that nagging feeling at bay when it came to her this case. They needed to shut it, Spencer needed to shut it, because maybe, just maybe, he could sleep better at night knowing he won.

“Delivery for Dr. Spencer Reid,” a voice called from the entrance of the bullpen. Spencer’s head shot around, finding a very harmless looking intern holding a small package in his hand looking around.

Cutting the kid some slack, he made his way over. “I’m Dr. Reid.” The kid smiled before handing him the little cardboard box. It fit in the palm of his hand, and was completely blank except for the small drawing of a snake on the top.

His blood ran cold, and his lungs forgot how to breath, just like they did a year ago.

A year ago today.

Spencer didn’t wait any longer, ripping the box open despite the strong glue that held it shut with its secrets.

Oh Spencer, hasn’t anyone told you not to open Pandora’s box?

The bullet inside rattled around the small container, one of the bullets that belonged to Spencer before she took them for her trophies.

She may have not killed Spencer, but she definitely took something more than just bullets with her that night.

He knew where she was, and she wanted him to.

Spencer could’ve told his team, hell, he was going to need the backup, so what stopped him from doing so as he raced for the crime scene that has since been cleared and reopened for the public to ignore the ‘No Trespassing’ sign?

Lust, lust is what stopped him, and it was pathetic.

Pathetic and tragic.

She knew he arrived, even if he turned the lights of the SUV off before pulling up the small warehouse. The air around her grew heavier with anticipation as she waited for Spencer to enter the room, no doubt waiting for the element of surprise.

She almost missed his light footsteps approaching her from behind.

“You’ve changed,” she called out. Spencer froze again, just like he had the first time. Was this pathetic enough?

“So have you,” his voice was calm, not caring for tiptoeing anymore. She was right, Spencer had changed, and now he took very little chances with instability.

“Yet here we are, repeating the same cycle as last year.” She turned to face him, and if she was less of a professional, she would have let her hunger for Spencer shine through. He had definitely changed, his hair was longer now, but still beautifully curly and framing his face, the one that was sharper, stubble on his cheeks. 

Spencer was a man now, one she wanted to strip down to nothing both physically and emotionally.

“That’s not entirely true,” he shot back with a sense of cockiness to his tone, cockiness she had no patience for. “I’m not letting you go this time.”

She snorted, actually snorted in his face. “You cannot be serious. You think I would lead you to me just to turn myself in?”

“You’re coming with me, whether you want to or not.” There was no room for argument, but she had other plans. She saw the lust in his eyes a year ago, and though time passed, that passion when he was looking at her still hasn’t faded. She just needed to push his buttons a little bit.

“Why don’t you make me?” It was the final straw, the last drop of water before the dam broke, and Spencer made no effort to stop himself from taking her head in his hands and smashing their lips together in both anger and desire.

She moaned against his mouth, wrapping her hands around his neck to find their place in his hair. Spencer had other plans, because he grabbed both of her wrists before turning her around and bending her over the metal table behind them.

“Listen, Princess,” Spencer whispered into her ear, his lips grazing the shell as he bent his whole body over her to press her further. The cool metal was digging into her hips, but she couldn’t complain when it also meant she felt Spencer’s hard erection on her backside. “I’m going to fucking ruin you, and then I’m going to take you in where you’ll rot in prison for the rest of your life. Do you understand?”

“Only one of us is getting ruined today, and it’s not me.” Apparently, that was not the answer Spencer wanted, because he grabbed a fistful of her hair to pull her back against his chest, making her gasp and squirm against his strong frame.

“Watch the attitude,” he growled out before reaching down with his other hand to unbutton her black jeans. “Now let’s try that again. Do you understand me?”

She only responded in a whimper as Spencer’s hands reached inside both her pants and panties to run his fingers through her slick folds.

“Use your words, Princess.” She tried to grind down on his fingers, but Spencer was quick to remove them from her pants. Bringing his hand up to her neck, he wrapped it around before squeezing lightly. “Answer me.”

“Y-yes, I understand. Just please, Spencer.” She never would have thought that the awestruck doctor she wooed a year ago would be so rough with her, and the surprise just added to her need for him.

“Please what, Princess?” Spencer taunted.

“Just do something,” she barked back, immediately regretting her decision when he let go of her neck to push her by her head back onto the table with more force than necessary.

When she heard the click of his handcuffs, she started her relentless squirming. “What the hell, Spencer? I thought you were going to fucking do something!”

“Who said I wasn't?” He asked before completely ripping her pants down her legs, the cool air hitting her bare pussy, causing a shiver to run up her spine.

So this was the game Spencer’s playing.

“God, you’re already so fucking wet, Princess. Wanna taste you.” He gave her no time to register his words because Spencer dropped to his knees and licked a strip up and then down her folds, flicking her clit before taking in completely in his mouth.

Her mewls and groans bounced off the concrete walls around them, only urging Spencer on more. He suckled softly on her clit before flicking it back and forth repeatedly with his tongue at an incomprehensible pace. The knot in her stomach was forming, and at this rate, it was going to unravel fast.

“Spe-Spence I.. I’m g-gonna” Spencer brought his fingers up to her core, replacing his tongue with two slender digits.

“Do it, Princess. Come for me.” He pinched her clit roughly, and that was the final push over the edge, her moans loud consisting of incoherent curses and his name.

When she started to come down from her high, Spencer stood straight up again and started unbuckling his belt. She started to squirm and push back into him at his slow movements.

“I know you’re probably enjoying watching me struggle, but if you could please hurry the fuck up,” she said as she lifted part of her upper body to turn and look at him. She never got a good look, because Spencer reached out and slammed her back down before pushing all of himself into her waiting cunt.

She yelled out at the sensation, Spencer groaning before saying, “What did I tell you about that fucking attitude?”

He set a brutal pace, giving her barely any time to adjust before pulling out so just the tip remained, and then slamming into her with a rough, animalistic force.

“Ah, ah, ah, Sp- Spenc-” He grabbed her by the hair again, using it as leverage to pull her back onto his cock, making her scream out again.

“Shut up,” Spencer groaned out, annunciating each word with a thrust while he reached forward to shove two fingers into her mouth. “Fuck, you’re so tight.”

She moaned around his fingers, causing him to press down on her tongue, gagging her. Spencer could feel the way she started to clench around him.

“You gonna cum, Princess? That’s it, cum with me.” Spencer’s thrusts grew sloppier as they both ran towards their orgasm together.

When they both finally reached their high, Spencer could’ve sworn he saw stars, his cock twitching in her pulsing warmth, milking him of everything. For a split second, their bodies had become one.

But time moves quickly, and the second fleeted when his actions caught up to him, and he ripped himself from her.

She was still shaking and trying to catch her breath when he undid the handcuffs that were burning her wrists. Confusion spread through her as she used her arms that still felt like jelly to push herself up off the table.

“Why... why’d you uncuff me?” Spencer looked up through his eyelashes at her from where he was redoing his belt, his face unreadable.

“Get dressed. I can’t arrest you half naked.” He looked away from her with a blush on his face as she bent down to pull her pants back up. When she looked back up at him from where he was trying to see from his peripherals if she was dressed again, she caught a glimpse of the man she met a year ago.

“That’s not the reason, Doctor. If you have a question, ask it.”

“Why’d you stop?” Spencer finally turned to face her, catching the surprise on her face before it morphed into that same wicked smile that rendered him helpless last time.

“Would you have come if I kept killing?” He didn’t have to think about his answer, it was the reason he was hoping was true.

“No.” She slowly stalked over to him, but this time she didn’t flip him on his back. Instead, she cupped his cheek, and he didn't hesitate to nuzzle into her palm.

“I still have 4 bullets,” she said softly. They locked eyes again, but this time, the lust they indulged in melted down to a mutual understanding.

“I’ll see you next year, Doctor.” With that, she walked around him, shutting the door with a slam on the way out, leaving Spencer staring at the silver with no attempt to chase after her.

Pathetic and tragic.

____

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[nonbinaryemonugget]

Silly Sanders Sides Sneezing Headcanons

I got spring allergies real bad right now so naturally I decided to make some sneezing headcanons for the Sides. These are far from serious, just meant to make a funny image pop into your brain. I’ll put examples of scenarios with these headcanons below the cut! :D (All of the examples are intended to be platonic DLAMPR) 

Logan sneezing sounds like him saying ‘achoo” in a monotone voice. He also tends to sneeze 2-3 times in a row. 

Patton “Dad Sneeze” Sanders has broken more than one chair by sneezing. 

No matter where he is, or how far apart they are, whenever Roman sneezes Virgil is instantly dumped in a bucket’s worth of glitter.

Whenever Janus sneezes, a random lie pops into Thomas’s mind. These are usually along the lines of, “I’m straight,” or “My name is James.” On more than one occasion, Thomas wasn’t thinking and said these out loud. 

No matter where he is, or how far apart they are, whenever Remus sneezes 2-5 rats find themselves in Virgil’s hoodie pockets, or hands, or sometimes on his head. Virgil much prefers the adorable rats to the glitter. (Although they do startle him)

Virgil sneezing causes all the lights to flick off before turning back on. Also, without him knowing, his eyeshadow spreads a little further down his face. This causes some hilarity on days when Virgil is sick, because his eye shadow can be down to his chin. Instead of being extra anxious, Virgil just wants some soup.

Logan Sneezing:

“Hey, Pat? Just walked by Lo’s room and-” Virgil was grinning, seconds away from laughter. Patton smiled, “And what?” 

“He’s got a cold. Thought you should know.” Patton’s smile widened, taking out a can of soup. It was too bad Logan was sick, but he could hear Virgil chuckling from the couch. Logan’s monotone sneezing was a much needed laughing break for the anxious side, and Patton knew Logan wouldn’t mind too much. 

Patton Sneezing: 

“I can’t believe you were trying to hind the fact that you were sick.” Logan pressed a bandaid to Patton’s knee, looking up as Patton let out a little laugh. 

“I can’t believe the chair broke. Again.”

“Yes, well, you’re lucky Virgil is asleep. Otherwise you’d have to listen to his lecture.” 

“You seem to be lecturing me just fine, kiddo.”

“I promised Virgil I would.”

Roman Sneezing: 

“Roman, kiddo, I made you some soup!” Patton knocked at the door, smiling brightly. Roman huffed, turning away. 

“I’m fine Pat, a little cold isn’t going to slow down the Prince of Creativity!” 

Patton opened the door, setting the soup on the desk, “Are you sure kiddo? We all want you to feel better. Especially-”

Roman sneezed. 

From two rooms away they heard a sudden thud and curse. “PRINCEY! IF YOU DON’T LET PAT NURSE YOU BACK TO HEALTH I WILL TIE YOU DOWN AND FORCE-FEED YOU SOUP!” 

Roman chuckled, “I suppose a little rest won’t hurt. What color is it this time?”

Patton smiled, “Bright gold. He’s been a little upset.”

Janus Sneezing: 

Today was just supposed to be a normal day. Thomas was just going to the store to buy some groceries, heading home to make dinner, and then probably watching a movie with the Sides. 

What he wasn’t expecting was for, when the cashier asked him if he was having company, for a blatant lie to tumble off his lips. 

“No, it’s for my kids.” Thomas blinked, realizing that a certain snake must been sneezing. It would have been easy to say ‘Yes, a few close friends,’ but now he had to commit to the lie. 

The cashier- an elderly woman wearing a bi pride pin- grinned in excitement. “How many do you have?” 

Thomas could practically hear Virgil hating every minute of this. “Six. All boys.” 

The woman smiled, and Thomas tried not to laugh at the very clear sound of Patton squealing.

Remus sneezing: 

Janus had been expecting a rather relaxing day. He was sitting on the couch, reading a book, Logan doing the same on the other side of the couch. He could hear Patton working in the kitchen, and Roman chatting away to him. Virgil and Remus had yet to wake up. 

Or maybe not. 

“Uh-” Virgil was at the top of the stairs, blinking tiredly before yawning. “I think we have a little problem.” 

“What’s that?” Janus set his book aside, hoping that this would be over with soon. He was at a very interesting chapter. 

Virgil took a step forward, so that the others could see him better. Surrounding him was twenty to thirty rats, and a couple were peeking their heads out of his hoodie pockets. “As cute as they are, I would prefer if Remus felt better.” He took a step forward again and suddenly two more rats appeared, making their way into his hood. 

“Uh, please?”

Virgil sneezing: 

Roman knew immediately that a certain emo wasn’t feeling well when all of the lights in his room flickered. Knowing that Patton would be asleep, he made some soup, watching closely as the light in the kitchen flickered as well.

He knocked on Virgil’s door, getting a mumbled, “Come in,” in response. 

Virgil looked up from where he was laying, and Roman noticed with suppressed laughter that his eyeshadow went down to the bottom of his cheeks. That earned him a glare.

“Roman, it’s the middle of the night, what are you doing up?” Virgil took the soup, sitting up. 

“I was brainstorming. Then my desk light went out and I figured you were feeling under the weather.” Roman grinned, “So naturally, being the hero I am, I made you soup.” 

“Patton didn’t make this?”

“Nope!”

“...Not sure I trust it then.”

Logan woke up to Virgil laughing and Roman sputtering indignantly. 

[equestrianwritingsstuff]

I hope you are having a great day.

I wanted to tell you that I love the way you write and how you show the personality of your characters in so few words.

Also if you have time, for the Bad Things Happend Bingo, could I ask for a Soup for the Sick? (Maybe a villain whumpee)

Thank you for the ask! And especially thank you for that lovely message attached to it, it means a lot!

Soup for the sick... here you go, I hope you enjoy! I did, I had lots of fun writing this one.

Personalized Caretaker

@badthingshappenbingo

Warnings: drug abuse mention, feverish whumpee, talk of medications, mean caretaker, delirium, fever, pills (tylenol)

... there may be more so tell me if there is so I can list them.

~

Civilian wished that she didn't live in the most heavily super-powered city in the world.

Yes world.

Villains and heroes all running around like teenagers, not caring for the lives of innocent civilians... or the heroes were meant to, Civilian started to think that the whole "we will protect you" was all phony propaganda aimed to get the city to fund their organization.

But the daily bombings and increasing death toll was not the issue with the city. It wasn't even the large mass of heroes and villains. It was only one.

One.

Of all the heroic figures and devilish snakes, there was only one that ticked Civilian off.

Villain.

And not because he was the King of Monologues. No, it was because the bastard made Civilian his own personal caretaker.

Was she asked to tend to his very needs? No.

Was she hired? Paid? No, but she should be getting a salary for the tedious work of stitching wounds and feeding his greedy stomach. The bandage bills were adding up and Civilian's meager wage was completely wiped out from having to buy a pack every day.

She was an inch away from going on a rage and robbing every bank in the city.

No, she wasn't. She just happened to live on 489 Deertree Avenue, where six months ago the murderous villain decided to collapse unconscious on her doorstep to bleed out like it was no problem.

Like it was a leisure, a recreational activity. Probably to him, waking up in a warm bed, doped up on painkillers with the sickening sweet smell of caramel candles burning around him, it was.

But not to Civilian. She had to manually help the injured individual drink water, get dressed, and even use the bathroom.

UGGGHHHH!

The man had millions of henchmen, billions of wannabe minions at his beck and call.

But he just so happened to have a crush on the red door of 489 Deertree Avenue.

But it was a bad case of unrequited love of the highest order, so no hope of a romantic candlelit date at the most expensive restaurant in the most famous city in the world.

Dairy Queen.

The pure hilarity of that fact. Even the Avenger Tower did not hold nearly as many powered or high-tech individuals as the city and the most fanciest restaurant was a chain fastfood restaurant at the corner of main street.

Civilian clenched the towel she was holding. As much as the stupidity of the city got on her nerves, it was very unpatriotic of her to go on and embarrass the area even more.

Civilian was scrubbing the mirror in the bathroom. The walls of the whole room were stained in the most disgusting brown and red from all the grime and blood radiating off a singular person's- not even the owner of the house- body.

Those would never go away unless Civilian paid for someone to come and mega-wash the bathroom. Not that she had any money to invest in such a delightful gift, her bank account was too busy supporting the prescribed pain medications. Like, Civilian was probably on the watchlist for utter bankruptcy and for being a possible candidate for drug addiction.

Who needs two whole containers of opioids and a canteen of valium every three months?

Not a normal civilian washing floors at Walmart, that's for sure.

But then again, Civilian was far from normal. She worked as a personalized savior during her freetime.

Civilian clenched her teeth and took a deep breath in. Her ward hasn't made his grand appearance in over a week. She actually had time to relax, make some popcorn and actually decompress. It was like vacation, peaceful, tranquil and full of serenity, free of any-

Knock, knock, knock.

Civilian's moment of bliss was unceremoniously ended by the all too familiar beat of a fist on wood.

"You have my permission to make out with the door Villain! You don't need to ask anymore!"

Civilian hoped Villain was coherent enough to internalize that as an invitation to bleed on her couch.

Just so she could have one more moment. One more moment of her coveted break.

Cough.

Civilian's head perked up. That was new. She never, ever heard Villain cough in a sickly manner- she never let him get bad enough to get sick, or he didn't permit himself to wait around until infection and fever set in.

She set down the towel, worry settling into her bones like it always did- not that she liked the heart dropping feelings and nauseating pit in her stomach each and everytime Mr. Needy had blood on him. Or everyday that he didn't show up for a bandaid, or a "kiss-it-better".

Yes, the pure humiliation when her delirious patient painfully begged her to kiss his knee better. Like, the puny scrape on his leg was by far the least severe wound on his bloodstained body, but of course, Civilian complied and gave him a little peck on his Olaf bandaid.

Civilian ripped open the door and the scene in front of her chased away those obnoxious memories.

Villain collapsed into her arms, head lolling pathetically against her shoulder. His forehead felt like it was doused with gasoline and then lit by a torch five times over. Civilian's shocked arms involuntarily wrapped around his equally scorching body. Yes, it was not a conscious act. Not in a million years would Civilian muster up the compassion to actually comfort the villain more than the deed of "saving his life" called for.

No, no Civilian hated Villain. Completely and totally loathed each and every cell on his body.

But she dragged him into the house and shut- more like slammed- the door anyways because she couldn't let him die, it would be like murder's sidekick.

Especially since Villain trusted her. Oh how he trusted her. Trusted her to bathe him, to feed him, to give him medicine, but most importantly not to kill him. With all the horrors he committed, a swift knife to the throat would be more than justified. In fact, Civilian would likely be commemorated for such bravery.

Public approval, fame... all a deliciously yummy cake.

Not worth it. Too many calories.

Civilian sunk to the ground and put Villain's upper body in her lap. He nestled into her, pressing his cheek deep into her side with a small, contented smile on his pale face.

"Don't drool on me," Civilian snapped, jostling Villain who woke up. Before he had the chance to get his bearings, Civilian spoke up again, "Are you hurt?"

The villain stared at her for a while before breaking into desperate tears, shaking his head.

What the heck?

"Stop crying or I will punch you," Civilian threatened, but she rubbed Villain's back soothingly.

"Dying," Villain sobbed.

"You are not dying, buddy, you have a cold."

"No, I'm dying," Villain asserted. Civilian rolled her eyes. Did he have to be so dramatic?

"I don't think a cold will kill you. Stop acting like the world is ending now, or I will throw you in the trash."

Villain whimpered and pulled himself closer, still crying.

He really was sick. So sick to the point of being delirously delusional.

"You don't need to be a Disney princess," Civilian said, still rubbing the villain's back. Villain's cries turned into sobs and then into wails.

Okay this was getting out of hand. Civilian stood up and dragged Villain's body over to the couch. She marveled in her strength for a while. When Villain first made his appearance in her otherwise boring life, she was as skinny as a twig. Now? This girl was a freaking hulk, baby.

Okay stop that, Civilian chastised herself, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. She laid Villain on the beige colored couch and rested his wet head against a pillow that was metaphorically marked with his name.

Now that the villain was completely stretched out, Civilian- to her relief- found that he was not bleeding, therefore, she didn't have to waste her precious supply of gauze and bandages tonight.

But he still was very, very sick. His face was a gray mask of pale complexion, his hair snarled and matted in sweat. His lips were tinged blue as unfocused eyes gazed around the room, landing on the TV.

"You want to watch something?" Civilian asked, though the question was more than unnecessary. Villain always watched a movie as he dozed off, warm and comforted by the mound of blankets strewn over him.

But still, like a habit, he nodded weakly each and every time. Civilian smiled, the tiniest of grins, and connected the tablet to the television. When the screen popped up with the classic Amazon Prime Video layout, Civilian asked what movie.

"Boss Baby," Villain mumbled, lips hardly moving.

"You want to watch a movie with baby superheroes? Why don't we watch Toy Story or something?"

Or something a bit more adult-ish.

"Mhm," Villain groaned, eyes slipping shut. "Baby superheroes."

Now it was Civilian's turn to groan, loud and exaggerated. But, still he was her unwelcome guest so she had to please his obnoxiously childish wants.

Like how old was he? Five?

Civilian put in the movie and sat down next to Villain, putting his legs on her lap. She tapped lazily at his jeans as the opening credits showed. Leaning her head back, Civilian allowed her gaze to drift away from the stupid fat-faced animated figures and to Villain.

He was nearly asleep.

Civilian shifted her weight and rested against her arm to watch him. Even sick, she had to admit, the evil and annoying villain was shockingly handsome.

What was she thinking?!

Pushing Villain's feet away, Civilian stood up and aggressively shoved her palm to his forehead. It was buzzing with heat.

"You are paying for the bill," Civilian growled and went to go get some tylenol.

Upon returning to the sickly man's sweaty side, Civilian thrusted the pills into his mouth and washed them down with water. She didn't even give him a chance to wake up fully, the motion was instinctual. He swallowed on reflex.

Next, Civilian cussed herself for this, she cupped his cheek. Villain sunk into her palm, chewing silently, and continued to sleep.

When Villain first visited, Civilian couldn't get over how touch starved the poor guy was. It was to the point of absolute fear of touch. He would shiver before violently flinching away, glaring daggers.

He still didn't allow hugs or a highfive when he was in his right mind- not that Civilian saw him fully conscious ever apart from a couple times.

"Hungry?" Civilian mumbled, more to herself than anyone.

Still, Civilian placed Villain's head back onto the pillow and went into the kitchen to make some soup.

Chicken noodle soup with rice... her specialty. Chicken breast and rich seasoning, even one's dampened taste buds could taste the utter deliciousness of the watery broth.

Then the rice. Sometimes when Villain was on the mend, she would add some wild rice or lentils to the dish. Spooning some basic white rice into the bottom of the bowl, Civilian tapped her foot aimlessly.

The kettle on the stove whistled, Civilian pushed it off the heat and added the seasoning and celery. The savory scent wafted into her nose earning itself a tiny smile from Civilian.

Once the soup was done, she presented it to the still sleeping villain. His mouth hung open, desperate for air that his clogged nostrils couldn't deliver.

Dang. Poor guy was really ill.

Civilian sat next to Villain, so close that she could feel the rise of his chest. She shoved his face upwards. Villain blinked his eyes open and settled his gaze on Civilian's annoyed, but worried, face.

"Ghm," he moaned, rumbled in the back of his throat in a fatigued manner. "Cow hopping."

"Shut up," Civilian scolded and helped Villain to a seating position. He complied, but had no strength left to actually hold the stance.

So Civilian was forced to lay him against her chest and feed him by giving him a big old bear hug. Spoon after spoon went to his mouth until Civilian was just dumping it into his mouth without any natural swallowing reflex.

She took a wet rag and cleaned his face before laying him back onto the couch. Civilian smiled and tenderly touched his eyebrow.

Why did she have to care about him so much?

[pet-genius]

The Death Eaters as a Cult - Part 3

Follow up to this and this. Trigger warning: Cult abuse.

Draco is vulnerable to being recruited simply because he’s Draco - his father is a Death Eater, and he's eager to prove himself to the master he grew up believing in. I’m not usually sympathetic to Draco, but this line makes me feel for him:

“everyone thinks he’s so smart, wonderful Potter with his scar and his broomstick —”

“You have told me this at least a dozen times already,” said Mr. Malfoy, with a quelling look at his son. “And I would remind you that it is not — prudent — to appear less than fond of Harry Potter, not when most of our kind regard him as the hero who made the Dark Lord disappear.”

This makes it clear that he’s been indoctrinated from a young age into a fringe belief (his belief in the Dark Lord, not in blood supremacy - that’s mainstream), and into hiding it, even after the cult disbanded. This contributed to a sense of isolation from mainstream society, and for someone like Draco, exacerbated his existing condescension and entitlement. The same must be true for Crabbe and Goyle, who on top of being children, are stupid and lacking in critical thinking skills, which means an escape was nearly impossible for them, and indeed, Crabbe died, and who knows if Goyle was clever enough to stay out of Azkaban.

Throughout HBP, Draco goes from boastful to scared for his life.

From DLA:

“What say you, Draco?” asked Voldemort, and though his voice was quiet, it carried clearly through the catcalls and jeers. “Will you babysit the cubs?”

The hilarity mounted; Draco Malfoy looked in terror at his father, who was staring down into his own lap, then caught his mother’s eye. She shook her head almost imperceptibly, then resumed her own deadpan stare at the opposite wall.

Once on top, now the Malfoys are too scared to make eye contact with anyone and protest at their humiliation. Draco is looking to his parents for protection, but they know they can’t provide it, even though Narcissa is trying.

Regulus was in a similar situation to Draco - I think he felt pressured to prove himself after the bitter disappointment Sirius had been. He and Draco were marked before they were of age, whatever being of age means in the wizarding world - meaning Voldemort was not above using minors. He also used children: the Daily Prophet writes that the Ministry has captured a nine year old child who had been Imperiused into murdering his family.

Snape’s vulnerability is glaring. In a nutshell, his extreme poverty and the neglect and abuse played a part in his decision to join the Death Eaters, and there’s a reason why Lucius is seen patting him on the back as soon as he is sorted. Perhaps the policy was to groom all newcomers. Like Barty, he might have looked for a father figure. Harry notices the many similarities between Snape and Voldemort (and himself), and these are all things Voldemort must have used on young Snape as well.

Snape is an example of how disposable Voldemort’s followers were, to him - he sent him to Hogwarts to get the cursed DADA job, meaning he was willing to let a potentially horrible fate befall Snape within the year. Even after Snape ascended to #2 by killing Dumbledore (on Voldemort’s order, no less), Voldemort killed him to gain mastery of the wand Snape became master of by doing Voldemort’s bidding.

Snape also explains the Dark Mark

“There,” said Snape harshly. “There. The Dark Mark. It is not as clear as it was an hour or so ago, when it burned black, but you can still see it. Every Death Eater had the sign burned into him by the Dark Lord. It was a means of distinguishing one another, and his means of summoning us to him. When he touched the Mark of any Death Eater, we were to Disapparate, and Apparate, instantly, at his side.”

A famous cult in my country did this: The leader made his followers tattoo pictures of him and his name on their body. It’s this association that originally made me think of the Death Eaters as a cult. Voldemort branded his followers like cattle, and he expected them to drop everything they’re doing to run to him whenever he wants.

Snape was constantly tested, too. He was assigned a servant he despised, for one, and tasked with killing Dumbledore. Even after he had accomplished that, Voldemort did not fully trust him:

“Yaxley. Snape,” said a high, clear voice from the head of the table. “You are very nearly late.”

This is a threat, since they’re not actually late; I think it’s meant as a “hey, remember when I tortured you once for being late?” It is followed by:

“Saturday... at nightfall,” repeated Voldemort. His red eyes fastened upon Snape’s black ones with such intensity that some of the watchers looked away, apparently fearful that they themselves be scorched by the ferocity of the gaze. Snape, however, looked calmly back into Voldemort’s face and, after a moment or two, Voldemort’s lipless mouth curved into something like a smile.

Voldemort is using Legilimency - he still does not trust Snape, he still needs to interrogate him so carefully that the others are afraid to look.

Next, there is this:

“Do you recognize our guest, Severus?” asked Voldemort. Snape raised his eyes to the upside-down face. All of the Death Eaters were looking up at the captive now, as though they had been given permission to show curiosity.

That the Death Eaters all knew not to look up at the gruesome sight without permission, goes to show, again, how fun it must have been to be a Death Eater. In general, I think the best way to read “Dark Lord Ascending” is to pay attention to where people are looking, and how - it’s important in general, but especially in this chapter.

Lucius is an anomaly. It’s very hard to picture him kneeling, and there is no obvious reason why he should forfeit his dignity. Cults don’t typically target the elite, and in this, the Death Eaters are a bit strange, unless Lucius was also recruited at a young, impressionable age. This can be resolved if you consider that Voldemort is the Heir of Slytherin, and unlike cult leaders, he really is super-powerful, and the person with the most potential to achieve political goals the Malfoy family is interested in.

Privileged as he was, even Lucius had vulnerabilities, and Voldemort was a Legilimens, meaning it was very easy for him to tell what they were.

This is how he treats Lucius in DLA:

“As I was saying,” continued Voldemort, looking again at the tense faces of his followers, “I understand better now. I shall need, for instance, to borrow a wand from one of you before I go to kill Potter.”

The faces around him displayed nothing but shock; he might have announced that he wanted to borrow one of their arms.

“No volunteers?” said Voldemort. “Let’s see... Lucius, I see no reason for you to have a wand anymore.”

How… emasculating.

Lucius Malfoy looked up [so he was looking down until then]. His skin appeared yellowish and waxy in the firelight, and his eyes were sunken and shadowed. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse.

“My Lord?”

Lucius looks like he’s been through a lot. Also, since this scene takes place in the middle of July, why is there a fire? I’m theorizing that it’s for Nagini, or perhaps Voldemort is cold-blooded now, but in any case, he doesn’t care about the others’ comfort level. Maybe he even wants them to sweat.

“Your wand, Lucius. I require your wand.”

“I...”

Malfoy glanced sideways at his wife. She was staring straight ahead, quite as pale as he was, [...] At her touch, Malfoy put his hand into his robes, withdrew a wand, and passed it along to Voldemort.

Voldemort is making Lucius give him the wand himself, to reinforce his submission - he could have used magic.

“Give you my wand, Lucius? My wand?”

Some of the throng sniggered.

“I have given you your liberty, Lucius, is that not enough for you?”

Indeed, Voldemort has given Lucius his (questionable) liberty, but again, he is expecting gratitude for something Lucius would have had in the first place, were it not for him: Lucius was imprisoned because he was caught at the Department of Mysteries fighting for Voldemort.

“But I have noticed that you and your family seem less than happy of late.... What is it about my presence in your home that displeases you, Lucius?”

“Nothing — nothing, my Lord!”

“Such lies, Lucius...”

The soft voice seemed to hiss on even after the cruel mouth had stopped moving.

[...]

“Why do the Malfoys look so unhappy with their lot? Is my return, my rise to power, not the very thing they professed to desire for so many years?”

“Of course, my Lord,” said Lucius Malfoy. His hand shook as he wiped sweat from his upper lip. “We did desire it — we do.”

Remember the fire? Do you notice Lucius sweating? His hand shaking? See how terrified he is, and how awful it must be to be forced to state how much he loves being treated like that?

To Malfoy’s left, his wife made an odd, stiff nod, her eyes averted from Voldemort and the snake. To his right, his son, Draco, who had been gazing up at the inert body overhead, glanced quickly at Voldemort and away again, terrified to make eye contact.

This is what has become of the once mighty Malfoy family.

Legilimency is important - because it means Voldemort typically could spot the mere thought of defection, and manipulate it out of the offender or outright kill them. The DEs know he can read minds, and so averting your eyes could be seen as admitting to a lie, unless you avert your eyes regularly. Breaking eye contact is a gesture of submission, and if one’s body is forced into it enough, it becomes ingrained. Every mention of eye contact in Dark Lord Ascending reinforces that. Their body language in that chapter also shows how controlled they are. I believe Death Eaters are learning to occlude involuntarily, to deceive themselves into only having permissible thoughts and feelings, to ensure their own survival. This makes it impossible to escape.

Finally, there’s JKR’s statement that Snape was the only DE who could produce a Patronus. This can't be because he's not evil (Umbridge can produce a Patronus), and it can't be because he's the only DE who is more powerful than 13 year old Harry. I think it’s because they were not allowed to - I think a spell that requires you to think genuinely happy thoughts would have reminded Death Eaters that their happiness does not come from Voldemort. The rigid mind control screams "cult" to me, and I think it's a much more interesting take on them than "bunch of plot-stupid people who had somehow managed to terrorize the wizarding world despite being incompetent".

Hope you now feel the same and thanks for reading this thesis <3

[mysteriouseggsbenedict]

things i want to see in the finale

spoilers for ep 7 and the books, including perilous journey, included below. sorry for flooding everybody’s dash today.

the blimp lands on the island and everyone is just staring at it like what in god’s name is going on

the kids trying to think of some excuse for people not to be alarmed like “oh uh...it’s probably Curtain’s new testing of air power...yeah he told us about it as messengers hehe” and absolutely nobody buys it

CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTER FOR THE FINAL BATTLE:

Number Two: has some hilarious and obscure weapon that she is completely oblivious to the hilarity and obscurity of and acts as seriously as if she had a gun

Rhonda: wearing her mask again ready to come in like an anarchist vigilante. Tells the rest of the team about her experience as a direct action protestor. Mr Benedict is just like....this is surprising but also not surprising at all and we’ll discuss it later. Teams up with Constance to spray paint insulting graffiti about Curtain on the side of the tower.

Milligan: basically we already know this but he’s an International Super Spy

Miss Perumal: not armed, not dressed for battle, shows up and marches straight in because she needs to have a Serious Word with one Dr. LD Curtain. Arrives at the office and just punches him in the face. Curtain is too surprised to react and goes into a narcoleptic episode while she’s lecturing him about ever daring to hurt a hair on Reynie’s head.

Mr. Benedict: has so much frantic energy that he’s like bumping into people and running all over the place, and is sincerely apologizing the entire time. Has had no sleep or food and is too anxious to notice Number Two pushing a granola bar on him before the blimp lands. Does some science thing that the rest of us are too dumb to understand. God, IF WE DON’T SEE HIM IMPERSONATE CURTAIN I’LL RIOT. PLEASE LET THAT HAPPEN. 

(the entire Long Post occurs in some format and Curtain calls him Nicky and I pass away)

Constance has to defeat the whisperer. It is illegal for anything else to happen. Lawsuits will be filed immediately if she does not sit in the chair and scream “RULES AND SCHOOLS ARE TOOLS FOR FOOLS” until Curtain just combusts. I also am really still hoping for a “snakes and dogs!” from Curtain and Kate dropping the bucket on the executive’s heads. She has to scale the tower. I thought that would happen this episode on her solo mission but I guess it’s at the very end when she climbs up with Constance and Sticky and Reynie are in the whisperer.

okay one thing I realized is that I don’t think there will be snowball fight scene at the end....because it was filmed in Vancouver and there wasn’t snow there :(( I am big sad I love the snowball fight scene with Mr. Benedict watching all beaming at them and letting Number Two have a bowl of soup secretly before everyone else. I still am sad they haven’t ever explained number two...like they have her eating weird things but they didn’t actually have the “oh yeah she barely sleeps and eats a ton” conversation

PLEASE LET THEM DISCOVER CURTAIN’S NARCOLEPSY. PLEASE LET HIM HAVE THE TYPE WITHOUT CATAPLEXY. PLEASE.

Okay I think what I want to happen (not that like...this is a happy ending but I want it to happen this way so season 2 can be set up) is SQ does some Snooping and learns some Things but Curtain brainsweeps like just that stuff (so he doesn’t lose everything just that some information like in the books) and takes him with him when they escape so perilous journey can still happen and he can still be in the cave with Mr. Benedict

Maybe the way he gets SQ into the whisperer is by telling him that if he’s doubting him he should just experience what the messengers do and then he’ll understand how good it is? or (more painful) he loses it and uses physical force and reynie and sticky see him getting dragged in there and it’s just so sad the whole time

The cave scene is one of my favorite scenes of the books so I really really hope it’s preserved in a season 2. Although I don’t know if I can imagine show!Curtain in the cave lmao because he’s so overdramatic and fancy and cares about being well dressed and groomed?? Like I just do not see him being down to camp in a cave. But I really hope it still happens.

[differenzeartistiche]

It’s Gavin Creel’s birthday, so let’s bring back this ranking of all his performances that I’ve seen.

I’m adding A Tale of Two Cities since I last posted this two years ago.

Gavin Creel, 14 performances, ranked!

14. Nick Piazza in Fame

This show has some merits, although it’s definitely not one of my favorites. It’s Gavin’s professional debut and I can forgive him some naiveté in an otherwise competent, beautifully sung performance. His rendition of “I wanna make magic” is lovely.

13. Charles Darnay in A Tale of Two Cities

Ok, so this was a concert performance, so it’s not really fair to compare it to the others, but I’ll just throw it in here. Mainly because it’s such an unusual show for Gavin. It’s something that tries very hard to be on the level of Les Miserables, without much success, and Gavin is not a huge fan of that kind of show. That said, it’s a nicely sung performance of a classic romantic hero role. Nice, nothing more.

12. Jean-Michel in La Cage Aux Folles

Great show, poor but still competent production. The role’s literally the most boring in the whole play, but he gets to sing the cute “With Anne on my arm” and he nails it.

11. Hollis Bessemer in Bounce

Sadly a lesser show by Sondheim, I still love some aspects of it, and Gavin’s wide-eyed artistically-inclined dreamer is one of them. His big solo “Talent” is the best song of the show and touches me on a very personal level.

10. Matthews in Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure

Gavin voicing a Disney villain! A Disney villain with a secret! A Disney villain with a French accent! Talk about playing against type. There’s something of Kodaly here, and of Lumiere and of Pepé Le Pew. You can tell he had a blast recording this role, and the design is exquisite.

9. Bill in Eloise at the Plaza / Eloise at Christmastime

Effortlessly hilarious on screen as he is on stage, he goes full-on old-time Hollywood star in the Christmas-themed sequel and I love it. A mix of Dick Powell and Fred Astaire.

8. Dr. Pomatter in Waitress

Sara Bareilles’ little gem of a musical often finds its strength in the absolute realness of its characters, flawed human beings looking for a little sparkle of happiness. Drew Gehling’s Dr. Pomatter was awkward and fun and sad-eyed, but I think Gavin wins infusing the character with tenderness and truly lived-in melancholy. A few weeks in a well-worn musical could be seen as a footnote in a great career, but it’s such a lovely performance, enhanced by the incredible chemistry he has with Bareilles.

7. Bert in Mary Poppins

My introduction to Gavin and since then I’ve come to appreciate him as heir to impossibly gangly male leads like Dick Van Dyke, so this feels like such a natural fit. I find the show a little bloated, but watch him defying gravity in that one “walking on air” scene: it’s irresistible.

6. Ugly in Honk!

Having him play the ugly duckling ALSO feels like a natural fit. Gavin’s at his best when he plays lost and confused dreamers, and the fairytale touch with the surreal setting makes for a wonderful variation on that theme.

5. Steven Kodaly in She Loves Me

Easily the odd man out of the list. The evil, scheming, suave and self-centered Kodaly is a delightful departure from all the romantic leads and clueless buffoons of Gavin’s career. The showstopper “Ilona” brings out all the manipulative nature of the character, a snake that always finds a way out and always gets what he wants. A remarkable performance that makes me want to see him branch out into even more strange territories.

4. Jimmy Smith in Thoroughly Modern Millie

Again with the old-time charm and humor. Millie is a show dominated by women, and Gavin’s male romantic lead manages not to be swallowed whole by them by being so wonderfully easy-going, hilariously aloof and occasionally sassy. It does also help that in “What do I need with love” he has one of the catchiest numbers of the show.

3. Cornelius Hackl in Hello, Dolly!

PUDDING. That alone deserved the Tony. It’s an overwhelmingly funny turn that makes the best of the original, almost vaudevillian nature of the show. So full of tricks and ticks and winks to the audience, deliciously aware of its own absurdity, it’s the kind of scene-stealing performance that not every actor can pull off. And oh my god, has anyone ever sung Jerry Herman’s beautiful tunes so gorgeously? You almost wish he could have sung “Put on your Sunday clothes” in its entirety.

2. Elder Price in The Book of Mormon

Somewhere between the rubber-faced humor of Jim Carrey, the earnest straight man hilarity of Jack Lemmon and the physicality of Dick Van Dyke. A perfect combination that captures the sarcastic, yet disarmingly sweet nature of the show, with its hints of meanness and self-devouring doubt.

1. Claude Hooper Bukowski in Hair

Unquestionably the masterpiece of Gavin’s career. A towering performance that starts with the iconicity of the role and the visuals associated with it and finds the core of Claude’s humanity: a scared, earnest, sometimes self-centered, mostly clueless young man that has to face something so much bigger than himself, something that is so far from the made-up world of fake accents and films in space that he has created for himself and that will eventually consume him. Moments like “Where do I go” and “The Flesh Failures” are moving and brutally honest.

[tornrose24]

More ideas for that CU Aladdin AU

To be shared with @princeasimdiya12

So long after both the TetoCU and Aladdin 2019 film came out, I thought of more things that could be included to this AU

The kids:

So I’d imagine all of them would be poor to some degree like the boys, but they have specific occupations tied to the setting. And also they’d be in on the ‘fake kingdom’ that the boys create to make it seem more authentic. (though I think the boys would have to reveal their secret in order to pull it off to them). They’d also possibly have to be disguised as adults in order to ensure no one recognizes them.

Erica-perhaps her family would be somewhat more well off, but she prefers to be amongst the children of the streets and has dreams of improving the kingdom’s poverty situation as well as to become an ambassador who could further improve the kingdom’s luck.

Likely disguise in the fake entourage: The advisor. She can’t trust the boys to properly lie, or that either genie has enough charisma and smarts to know which lies to say.

Bo–His family would deal in pottery (since we see a lot of pottery in the original film).

Likely disguise in the fake entourage: either the royal sculptor, pottery merchant, or bodyguard.

Gooch-The kid probably has the comical sort of bad luck when it comes to poverty, but I could see him tied to music since it was something PM12 pointed out in another AU.

Likely disguise in the fake entourage: probably a snake charmer. Given his luck with snakes in the series, it goes as well as you’d expect.

Dressy-Her family is street musicians. It was too easy to figure out.

Likely disguise in the fake entourage: court singer. Or herbalist.

Stanley–his family grows and sells food. I’m pretty sure anything that’s too old is given away to other families for free. (Also, I don’t know if living in a desert region works for him or not, especially if you lose a lot of water via sweating.)

Likely disguise in the fake entourage: Probably sells rare fruit/veggies. Though I’m not sure how the sweat problem can be solved if its a giveaway...

Jessica and the Sophies- Ok I admit I originally had them be well off if that one comic I did was anything to go by. (Also, they weren’t part of the entourage in that comic, so... maybe it could be changed?)

The adults

-So I’m not sure what to do with Barbara, but maybe Moses fixes carts and Grace is a struggling painter. 

-It’s tricky to pick the right people for Edith’s court (AKA the people who are trying to manipulate her besides the obvious one) given PM12 wanted an oppressive court. We have the usual school staff, but then we had Murdsley and Dupe Licitous (who could have been a better potential antagonist)... man, we didn’t really have a lot of human antagonists from the show, did we?

-I know that in the 2019 Aladdin, the captain of the guard was nicer than the animated version, so I could see either Ree or his brother in that role (honestly, I COULD see Lavator as a guard the boys easily trick). Or Moxie, come to think of it.

-While I could see Murdsley being part of the oppressive court, I could also see him as the luckless suitor who fails to charm Edith. I could see Jerry in this role instead as well for added hilarity (because it’d be funny to see her unimpressed with him and the fact that not even being a prince means Jerry has the best of luck). Though alternatively, there IS Cash if we want to add even more additional hilarity later on (he’d make a better suitor, but I doubt he’d make for an instant fail compared to Murdsley or Jerry.)

-Also there’s that festival that happens in-between ‘Prince Ali’ and ‘Whole New World’ and that one prince shows up again and annoys Jasmine. I can see that happening with Krupp and Edith, but the level of hilarity would depend on which suitor approaches the Queen and requires him to ‘save’ her from them. (Either a narcissistic jerk or an annoying wuss). And I’m SERIOUSLY eager to talk to PM12 about the possibilities with the festival.

-Speaking of Krupp, I’m facing a serious problem. Given we had the idea of ‘Edith was a former master like 20 or so years ago as a child’ I face a divide between ‘keep the illusion of him appearing like a generic hot guy’ or ‘have him disguised to somewhat resemble how he appeared as a human and think Edith won’t recognize him.’ I bring this up since the Genie stayed in his human disguise for quite some time in the 2019 film.