#also that full release gale looks SO much hotter to me... the changes are relatively subtle but damn if they weren't effective

[lordzenos]

anyway i recently discovered that Gale's romance scene in act 2 uses almost the exact same lines as his early access act 1 scene

[thatcookingfat]

Extreme Makeover: Dizzy Edition!

So we left Dizzy and Dotty about to embark on an adventure. Which is a diplomatic way of saying we were to battle bureaucracy, encounter homelessness and discover what a complete ass the law could be!

(Dizzy has asked that I keep real names out of the blog, she’s happy being ‘Dizzy’ or ‘Dotty’s mum’, but doesn’t trust this internet thingy and wants to remain incognito!) 

The first night of our epic journey was spent at Mum’s friend's flat!   I was thrilled, this was going to be just like a Blyton blockbuster!  In reality, I should have realised that the smell I woke up to the following morning would sum up the experience! Anyone who has ‘experienced’ the aromatic. ammonia ridden, ambiance of a baby’s morning nappy can never ‘unsmell’ the eye watering, gut wrenching stench!  

Excited that I wasn’t going to school for the foreseeable future, it was like the summer holidays, but just for me!  All my friends would be in assembly by now, I was just getting up! I was going to be spending the next few days, weeks, could even be forever playing with this baby and school was done!  And to top it all, Mum and I were going into town (which usually meant, Mum’s gonna buy me something) Haha, it was like Blackpool all over again, the reality was a far throw from the dream!

The trip into ‘town’ turned into a day of drudgery sat in ‘The Council House’ and then ‘Social Security’. I had never experienced boredom like it and bored kids make bratty kids! We then had to walk, what felt like a million miles, in gale force winds, driving rain and sheer misery.  And just to top it off, we arrived at a guest house that made flea pits look like a 5 star hotel, even the cockroaches were leaving! We had one single bed and one blanket for the two of us! Mum, back then was ‘wholesome’ shall we say? A size 18 lady and a child ain’t meant to sleep together in a 3 ft bet. So, huddled, sorry superglued together, scared to move in case the blanket moved and the arctic air blasted away any hint of heat, we spent the first night of our ‘adventure’.

Waking up the following morning, I discovered mum was already up.  She didn’t have to get dressed, all we had were the clothes we stood in! And whoop whoop, I didn’t have to clean my teeth, ... we didn’t even own a toothbrush! Well, I say mum was ‘up’, i discovered years later that she hadn’t slept! Once I had drifted off, she had gotten up.  Without her body mass in the bed, she had been able to tuck the blanket in, ensuring I was warm. She then sat in the single chair in the room, leaning over onto the desk and had managed minute naps that were punctuated with gnawing cold. Ain’t nothing like a Mother’s love for her young!

Tantrum number one came when I realised that this guest house ‘didn’t do breakfast’ I was STARVING. Tantrum number two followed when I discovered it was going to be another day at the council house and social security. And I finally pushed mum to breaking point when I realised we were going back to the guest house again that night! As an adult, I don’t blame her for the good hiding I got.  She had no money, no home and didn’t know when we eat or sleep again.  The only way she could ensure that I had a bed for the night and food in my stomach was to sit it out at these offices for hours on end and all I could do was ‘spit my dummy out’. It was the only time I saw the feet paddling frantically below the water of this gracious swan!

This daily routine of waking up cold and hungry, battling arctic weather to ‘prove’ we were homeless continued for weeks; because the family ‘home’ was in his name, the council were powerless to force him to allow us into the flat. Mum couldn’t afford a solicitor, hell she couldn’t even afford food for herself, so she grabbed the first offer of Legal Aid assistance she could get! With hindsight, describing her solicitor as “as much use as a chocolate teapot” would he unfair on chocolate teapots! There was so much frantic paddling going on with this graceful swan it was unbelievable.  In a time when the education system was very ‘open plan’ and laissez faire, mum was being threatened with legal action for keeping me away from school! It didn’t matter that she was given a daily allowance to feed us that was only enough for one meal in a cafe (my meal). Nor did it matter that to get me to school would take a four mile walk, each way, as the daily ‘allowance’ was gone on feeding me, there was nothing left for bus fare! A compromise was reached, my cousin was at the same school, so she would bring home work for me, which was passed to Nan & Grandad for me to collect on a Sunday, when Nan insisted we stay for sunday dinner!  I then had a week to finish the work, for her to return to the teachers! Years later, she apologised to me for, “putting me through it,” but she had no choice. If I wasn’t seen to be in the guest house every night then there would be NO assistance, NO daily allowance, basically NO help for us!

The only good night’s sleep I got was on the eve of my 9th birthday. Nan didn’t give Mum a choice, “That wee waine is gonnae wake up on her birthday, with her family” Oh my goodness, that was the BEST birthday present ever! Clean sheets, so many blankets I couldn’t move under the weight and I could take my arms from under the covers without the fear of frostbite! And the luxury continued, bacon and egg sarnies for breakfast (with gallons of tomato sauce), ‘Stovies’ for lunch and a full roast dinner for tea!  I genuinely don’t remember what presents I got, I just remember the heat, comfort and the experience of my first ‘Food Coma’!

I don't remember falling asleep or being carried up to bed, but I do vaguely remember being woken up with a strange man leaning over me! I also remember feeling like an elephant was on my chest and I was hotter than I’d ever felt! It turns out, the strange man was a doctor and hot elephant on my chest was in fact Bronchitis! The next few days were a blur, I just remember waking up coughing, being given this sweet syrup, spoon fed chicken noodle soup or stovies and drifting off into another drug induced slumber! My first experience of ‘Codeine Linctus’ was like “WOW MAN, this is goooooood shit!” 

Whilst I was being spoilt rotten by Nan, mum was back to the daily drudge of the council house and social security! Armed with a note from the doctor, I was given a temporary reprieve, but there was no respite for mum! At least, whilst I was gone, she was allowed the luxury of the single blanket and 3 ft of bed space! Honestly, ‘the ambassador was spoiling us” (Sarcastic? Moi?). She battled on and eventually, with the assistance of the NSPCC and a Probation & Welfare officer, Chapter One of our nightmare ended. We were going home! I was going back to MY bed, MY books, MY toys and MY beloved puss cat, Smokie Charlie! If you haven’t guessed by now, my dreams were nothing like reality, my middle middle name should be JONAH! 

So the first night at ‘home’ began! Dotty ‘Lucky Jonah’ discovered she no longer had her own room! The past few weeks had taught me to be grateful for what I got, I was still silently pissed off though! For a change, I was going to be sharing a room with Mum! At least this time it was double bed and there was an electric blanket! And I was allowed to rescue my Famous Five collection, I would be able to read myself to sleep again!  Haha, Cue Chapter 2 of the Nightmare!

Sitting there, Smokey Charley making up for weeks of being unloved, the awkward silence was broken. Now what do you think a ‘father’s’ first words to his daughter would be? “Sorry?” “I’ve missed you?” or even, “How are you?” ... Go on, have a guess ... .... .... ....

Did you get it? 10/10, gold star and go to the front of the class if you guessed,

“You’re going into care and that cat is being put down!”  

WOW! Please step forward Father of the Century!!!

Mum ‘lost it!’ All size 14 of her (Yup I said 14, not 18) landed on his lap, fists flailing in all directions and language her Scottish relatives would have been proud of, she finally released some of the pent up anger and frustration she’d endured over the past few weeks! I just ran out of the flat in panic! I must have been making a helluva noise as the next door neighbour came rushing out of their door. Although all she heard were loud wails and sobs, she somehow realised there was something wrong and flew into our flat. Feeling safe with another grown up, I followed her in. I have impeccable timing! I saw his fist hit Mum’s jaw and she slid down the door, unconscious! It was his signature move, Mum’s jaw was dislocated AGAIN! The neighbour just picked me up, (I was stood stiff and silent, as if the ‘pause’ button had been pressed) and bundled me into her flat.I will be honest, I don’t remember what happened next, my next recollection is waking up in Mum’s bed, with all the lights on and an almighty row going on ... for a change! He’d dragged her out of hed and was going for round 2! My high pitched screams must have halted him, the next thing I remember was being cuddled up to Mum, it was dark and the only noise was the involuntary sobs that continued long after my tears had dried.

Not surprisingly, I didn’t return to school the next day, as had been planned! That evening, Round 3 began! Apparently Mum had stolen his wallet!. Unfortunately for him, his luck had run out! As I had failed to return to school as agreed, the authorities had been called! We were unaware at the time, but I had been put on the ‘At Risk Register’! And, as I ran out of the flat in fear again, who should be walking up the stairs but the Probation & Welfare and the NSPCC officers! Demanding the police were called, for the theft of his wallet, he couldn’t understand that his raised fist to Mum was wrong! When they asked him where he last saw his wallet, he nonchalantly replied, “In the freezer, where I left it!” Yes, dear reader, I said the FREEZER!! 

I’m not sure if it was because they HAD to or out of sheer curiosity, but they emptied the freezer! Loe and behold, there was the wallet, wrapped in a plastic bag and hidden in a bag of frozen peas!! Stop rubbing your eyes ... you DID read, the wallet was in the FREEZER, wrapped in a plastic bag, hidden in a bag of frozen peas! You couldn’t make it up, could you!

He was given two options, leave the flat for the evening or spend it in the cells! He tried to negotiate a third option, Mum leave and I go into care! Oh this ‘man’ was a ‘real catch’, wasn’t he? Now the Probation and Welfare Officer was his nemesis, a woman AND she wasn’t even considering option 3! He threw a tantrum that even a two year old would have been proud of! Clearly a mother, she knew the best thing to do was ignore the tantrum! Eventually, he was able to comprehend, that this woman was ‘not for turning’ and he left the flat. Mum was told to call the police if he returned that evening, and I was going to be driven to school the next day!

Good to her word, I WAS driven to school the next day and so was mum! I was greeted like a long lost relative by my friends and I experienced something new! For the first time, I didn’t understand ‘the work’! I was used to sitting at the Top Table, diligently getting on with my work. That day I was STILL on the Top Table, but I was lost!  Our table had always been competitive, to finish first was more important than getting the answers right! I set myself up for ridicule, because I regularly finished first AND got the answer right! And, as any parent knows, kids can smell weakness from a mile away! The hunters were enjoying circling and toying with their prey! Already raw with emotion from the last few weeks, I experienced another ‘first’ ... RAGE! I ‘flipped out’ It was MY turn to release some frustration and anger! I was picked up by my ‘giant’ of a teacher and taken into the reception area and he just held me tight! As much as I tried to move, he had me in a death grip! The angry tears merged into sobs, loud, heartfelt sobs! I couldn’t stop, the floodgates had opened and there was no holding back the tide!

I was unaware that Mum and ‘The Officer’ had been in the Headmistresses’ Office discussing the ‘situation’ and, on hearing my meltdown, had come rushing out! My teacher, apparently, put a finger to his lips to silence mum, as I struggled with my emotions. The sobs silenced and I was back to the involuntary sighs that a body does after a ‘good cry’! Apparently I started snoring, yup I had cried myself to sleep! Needless to say, the Top Table left me alone after that.  I worked so hard to catch up and was soon finishing first, with the right answer again!  OH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, Normal working had been resumed! (sorry, it’s a term I’m used to, from my railway days, basically everything was returning to normal, with any disruption improving)

At the end of the last post I explained that I had a choice of going with Mum, or going to my Aunt’s across the road from the school. My Aunt, HIS sister and guess where he went to live ... Yup, you got it, honestly I’m not making it up! It was amazing how often he was, ‘just walking down the road’ at hometime. Soon,I was leaving school via the office again, being escorted home by my cousin (from Mum’s side of the family) to avoid confrontation. Monday’s were always a good day for me.  I only did ‘half a day’! My Probation and Welfare Officer, (I’m going to call her ‘Hannah’ from now on, it’s quicker to type) would pick me up for ‘lunch’.  We would go to a local cafe and have tea and cake! OMG, I was soooooo grown up! It was her way of ‘softening me up’ to open up.  it worked for a couple of meetings, only I soon realised that the quicker we stopped talking, the quicker I was taken home, and there’s nothing like being at home when you’re classmates aren’t!  I was authorised to ‘Wag It’

It must have been such a scary time for Mum.  She’d swapped a bossy dad for a bastard, so she’d never been in control of her own life!  She’d believed for as long as she could remember that she was stupid, useless and a lost cause! And it took her LONG time to discover that she was a very strong and clever lady. OK, so she couldn’t read or write, but she’d had a more valuable education! She had graduated with Honours for the School of Hard Knocks, completed her Masters at the University of Life and she was a Doctor of Resilience! Mum was now a very ‘svelte’  size 12, she’d discovered make up and, when she could scrape the money together, she would treat herself to a trip to the charity shop for new clothes. A very talented, self taught, seamstress, she could turn a potato sack into an evening gown. So whatever she bought, bore little resemblance to the outfit she would wear.

Things seemed to be calming down, I was back to being ‘Top of The Class’ at school, thanks to my Minder Cousin there were no more ‘accidental’ meetings and Mum & I settled into a new routine. Money was tight, pocket money even scarcer, but there was peace, something I had learned to cherish! You’ve probably guessed that it wasn’t going to last, whereas I had been lured into a false sense of security, ever the optimist!!! To begin with I was unaware of a ‘visitor’ at the front door.  But having the living door closed on me and told not to open it, I became inquisitive, I was learning Mum’s favourite childhood word, “WHY?”

Like many flats, there were two exits from the kitchen, on which was next to the front door, the other accessed from the ‘other’ living room door that led to the bedrooms.  So I learned to sneak out the ‘other’ living room door, silently open the second door to the kitchen, and eavesdrop! I couldn’t hear much of what was being said, but I knew the voice, it was the voice that told me I was going into care and that my cat was going to killed!  He was back! Mum’s told me a lot more since I learned to ‘Adult’ and apparently he kept coming back in the hope Mum would forgive him! Like many of us, he could see the ‘Ugly Duckling’ transformation happening before our very eyes! What we couldn’t see was the new invisible ‘lodger’ The one that told her she was still fat, she was ugly, the one that taught her that the only control she had in her life, was the control she had over her eating; her new best friend Anorexia. And her, soon to be, ex-husband found himself in a position he was alien to, he was powerless ... and a powerless abuser is a dangerous abuser!

Next time, more about Dizzy and her transformation. How ‘He’ managed to turn my thinking around and how we all coped with a HUGE change. Enter stage left, ‘MR RIGHT.’ The man, that no matter how much I pushed him away, pulled me closer. The man, who’s life I made hell. The man that after a long hard battle, finally wore me down.  The man I am proud to call my Dad, my boys’ Grandad, the Man that showed me what a REAL Dad was! ... Call the plumber, the eyes have sprung another leak!

Until next time, Dotty x