#also she's so quintessentially butch and it's incredibly sexy
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no friendship dynamic quite like one person who is endlessly kind and generous and funny. and one person who's completely devoted to the other and won't ever do anything about it
#she's dating another one of my friends and they're a great couple I don't want them to break up at all#however! i am also head over heels for her#also she's so quintessentially butch and it's incredibly sexy#plus i really identify with butchness and feel hottest when i dress masculinely but I don't feel like i'm butch enough#to call myself butch#bc i have long hair and wear mascara and fairly feminine jewelry#and it feels like any attempt to be butch just smcones off as Girl Wearing Boyfriend's Clothes#so yeah i'm enamored with her as a person PLUS there's a layer of imposter syndrome and idol worship that complicates it even more#and I don't get crushes very often bc of Circumstances. so when i do have one it's literally full-body infatuation#like. you can't jump right into our friend group and immediately become Main Ensemble Cast#the kind of friend you invite to your birthday party after like a MONTH of knowing each other. and the kidn of person who you say#“hey can you put my bag on the table i'm going to the bathroom” at a bar#and then HOLDS it for you instead of putting it down even when you get back doesn't immediately hand it off is just content to be of servic#fuck this is bad!!#kind of of crush where you have to listen to phoebe bridgers about it :\#violet original
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