#also scream with me about the fic because lemme tell you I'm high on my own supply like a LOSER

[saladmix]

This scene-

Gave me so many flashbacks of Chapter 6 of your fanfic

Oh my god okay for REAL THOUGH I had so many moments in that chapter and a couple of others that made me feel quite prophetic. I mean sure, TotTMNT might not have gone into the devastating loss and unbridled violence of a desperate crumbling world but there were some similarities y'all some MOMENTS y'all I'm just SAYINGGGGG.

Anyway I am obsessed with this show it is so precious and fun and a blast please come and scream about it with me.

[spockandawe]

Hi....If you don't mind me asking, who are your favorite MXTX characters (top 5 from each novel)? And why? I'm sorry if you've answered this question before.

It’s absolutely no problem at all!! I don’t think I’ve been asked this before, but hey, I also have zero object permanence, so it keeps things fresh and new. And it’s interesting to see how my answers change over time! Lemme see, I think I’m going to go in reverse order, because I feel like then I’ll be doing the worst agonizing up front.

TGCF

Fifth favorite: YIN. YU. I know that he’s a minor character and him even making it onto the list is pretty solid performance, but I do feel guilty that he isn’t higher than this. He came out of nowhere in my first reading and punched me in the stomach with emotions. I find his sections so hard to read, and I was DEVASTATED when he died and BEYOND stoked to find out he was still alive in the extras. His story hurts so much! I am weak against characters who have relatively modest goals and still see them snatched away (see also: my next entry) and have to struggle on. I wish wish wish I had a way to see more of how he made his peace with things after being thrown out of heaven, and the nature of the (distant) relationship with Hua Cheng and what happens with Quan Yizhen now that he died in his arms, and still came back anyways, my god!

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Fourth favorite:  He Xuannnnnn. I have a hard time articulating particulars, but. I love him a lot. I love a character with a grudge, with a deep, painful grudge, where the grudge is hurting him almost as much as it’s hurting the people around him, and setting the grudge aside would also hurt, and then what has any of this been for-- I've used this metaphor for other characters, but I don’t care if I’m overusing it, because I love it. He feels like a character caught in a thorn bush, where simply being there... hurts, but trying to escape or move in any ways is going to hurt worse, and there’s no path forward that doesn’t involve pain. And like... I don’t love the way he hurt Shi Qingxuan (who didn’t quite make this list adfasgdafsd I’M SORRY) but I wouldn’t have liked to see him swallow back down all that pain and set aside everything that happened to his family and fiancee either! I’m always, always soft for characters who have no good path forward and who grit their teeth and set out anyways.

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Third favorite: MU QING!!!!!!!!!! I have done... extensive screaming about him. And I love him veryvery much. I can already tell that this list is going to have a lot of mean boys on it, and like... no regrets. Especially since this is one of my FAVORITE flavors, an unapologetic mean boy who is rarely (but sometimes!) soft for the people around him, and who regularly tries to do decently by people, but who consistently gets shat upon and misunderstood and accused of acting in bad faith. I screamed when he and Xie Lian finally got to talk their friendship out in the book. I also screamed when I realized how immediately after Xie Lian’s return he started looking out for him again, and how sincerely, despite his horrible attitude about it. I still want to write more fic for him so badly. I love him so much.

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Second favorite: Xie Lian! What a good boy! The best boy! He’s so sweet and gentle, but also the best fightboy this world has ever seen, and also so gently snarky with the people he loves! I just... really love me some traumatized characters who have trouble recognizing that they can be Loved, and I’m not going to write this whole essay right now, but I think in some ways, he’s the most... passive about his romance, out of all the leads? Shen Qingqiu is aggressively oblivious, but Xie Lian kind of gently shrugs off the idea that he might be Hua Cheng’s special someone, until he finally gets hit with the cluestick. I generally shy away from the idea of a character “earning” love, but he’s maybe the mxtx character who moves me most with ‘you deserve to be loved’

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Most favorite: Hua Cheng. HUA CHENG. Oh my god, gotta love this boy. Gotta love this devotion. I love a mean boy who is soft for one person, and he EMBODIES it. I mean, I love Shen Jiu, but he barely manages to do the soft thing at all, while Hua Cheng is over here like ‘if I could only be the stone beneath your feet--’ It’s hard to talk about him separately from Xie Lian, because they’re a unit in my head more than just about any other characters on this list are. I don’t want to get this list to get out of control, so I’m not going to scream for too long, but... I could just watch him go forever. I want to write him forever, and that’s a huge aspect of what draws me to some characters.

MDZS

Oh god, I think I lied, I think this book is going to be hardest. Making these choices is AGONIZING.

Fifth favorite: .....Lan Wangji. Oh god, I feel bad about how low he is. But this story is just packed SO full of wonderful characters, and I’m already consumed with guilt over all the characters who aren’t going to make it. I don’t love them less! But my love for characters in this particular story is very evenly distributed. And I think that Wang Yibo’s acting is possibly scoring points with me that the book might not have earned all by itself. Microexpressions and subtle body language add SO MUCH to a character with such flat affect, and I would be drawn to such a closed-off character anyways, but it really helps. And I love, like... the combined subtlety and intensity of his relationships. It’s not that subtle once you know what to look for, and the brother/sworn brother network makes for varying degrees of how much other characters understand of the things he chooses not to explicitly express, and it gives a really interesting character to the way he interacts with the people around him. Also, love me a man with intense separation anxiety.

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Fourth favorite: Jiang Yanli? I think it has to be Jiang Yanli, but these rankings are hard. So. I just talked about how much I enjoy the flat affect and closed off nature of Lan Wangji? Well, guess what, I also love it when m’girl is just very GENUINELY AND OPENLY an absolute sweetheart of a person, and I love the contrast between her genuinely kind nature and the uncomfortable pressure that her family’s dynamics put on her to start parenting at a very young age. It’s not necessarily a happy situation, but she adores her brothers so much and they adore her so much! And it’s... a very understated element of the story, but after her parents died, her baby brothers went off to war, and one wreaked havoc as a straightforward commander and one of them disappeared for months and returned as a creepy-ass zombie puppeteer. And she STILL dotes on them like before, despite knowing what they’re capable of. Like, yes, Wei Wuxian just raised an army of corpses and forced a man to eat himself, but I shall still boop him on the nose and feed him Soup. How can I not adore energy like that?

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Third favorite: Wei Wuxian, I think. I do adore him a lot. He gives me some of the same vibes that make me ache most with Xie Lian, where he is trying his best, and is struggling to hold on in the face of lots of suffering, and I find it really interesting that when the suffering peaked, Xie Lian was forced go on because he couldn’t die, while Wei Wuxian... expired. That line about ‘he thought that no matter how large the world was, there was still no place for him’ always sticks with me, and hurts me deeply. Xie Lian had most of his personal attachments stripped away, and was left to wander on his own, while Wei Wuxian still had a number of strong connections left, but abruptly exited life. And that informs their respective trauma so interestingly! The way Wei Wuxian bounces between high energy chaos and drained exhaustion is really fascinating to me, and was the thread that held me attached to the book through a very confusing beginning. And I’m still very drawn to how intensely he loves, whether it’s Xiao Zhan’s fantastic acting, or it’s him busting out with how much he wants Lan Wangji in the middle of the Guanyin Temple scene. He’s a fantastic character, honestly, I don’t think such a convoluted book would have held together very well without a protagonist this strong.

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Second favorite: Xue Yang :X Look, he’s a good boy and I love him. Who among us hasn’t done a few mass murders that we are completely unrepentant about, but that we would really like to keep hidden from our current boyfriend, actually? Anyways, as always, love me an angry boy who makes terrible decisions for understandable reasons. And I do love a character who is consumed by agonized ragrets (see my next entry), but I DO also love me a character who has no regrets at all and doesn’t even have much interest in trying to justify himself to anyone else around him. Just look at that confidence! Look at him go!!

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Most favorite: Jiang... Cheng....... I knew he and Xue Yang were going to be at the top, but those were the only parts of this list that were easy. I mean. Love a self-sabotaging angryboy who is also super super sad and keeps hurting himself in his own confusion. And while I love the romantic thread in all of the mxtx books, the agonized family thread in mdzs is one of my favorite parts, and something that I don’t really see echoed in any of the other stories. I need ten million jc+wwx reconciliations, at LEAST. He’s so sad! And so angry! And I want to see him becoming less of that thing, and for Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian to demonstrate very firmly how much they love him, because they do. I am invested in his happiness in a way that goes far and beyond any of the other non-main characters, haha

SVSSS

Fifth favorite: Tianlang-jun. I think? Oh god, but moshang. THIS IS REALLY HARD, I HATE THIS ;-; But especially since writing my fic, Tianlang-jun has really won me over. And like, he already hurt me good in the novel, just thinking about how he was an innocent young guy, just! Trying to have a girlfriend! And instead got trapped in sensory deprivation, body-rotting-hell for twenty years, when he didn’t do anything wrong!!! He suffered, so much! And I live for his intensely strained relationship with Luo Binghe, because it’s! Perfectly understandable and painful, from both of their perspectives! And he wants to hate humans so badly, but in the end, when he’s told that Su Xiyan never betrayed him, he starts helplessly asking the people around him, ‘really? is it really true?’ and then in the end he loses the only family member he has left who cares about him, and it’s just! Everything is terrible! I have a su xiyan au brewing in my head because I can’t stand it! Someone just give this man a loving partner!!!

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Fourth favorite: Shen Qingqiu. But... moshang??? Goddammit. Anyways, this dumbass. I find him so endearing, in his dumbassery. I sometimes get a bit frustrated with Wei Wuxian for being oblivious, and Shen Qingqiu is just asking for me to react the same way, but I... don’t, for the most part? Because he thinks he has good information, and he’s slow to react to a changing playing field, and I still haven’t read another transmigration novel that strikes the same balance of hypercompetence and intense incompetence :ppp It’s a funny book, and he’s a funny character! And I really vibe with him, in most parts of the story, which covers a pretty darn wide emotional spectrum. Plus, the running internal commentary is choice.

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Third favorite: Liu Qingge. Look, I’m a woman of simple needs, and sometimes I just need a high-quality fightboy who clearly cares deeply and is absolute garbage at expressing his emotions. I can’t articulate it much better than that. I absolutely howl at the succubus extra, when Shen Qingqiu is talking to Madam Meiyin about his future partner, and Liu Qingge is like ‘oh my god, sHE IS CLEARLY DESCRIBING ME’ and Shen Qingqiu is like ‘haha, liu-shidi, i thought you thought this was stuupidddddddd’. They’re both so dumb. I love them so much. But stupidity plus war god fighting energy has a narrow lead over stupidity and internal commentary track.

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Second favorite: SHEN JIU. GOD. I’m still arguing with myself over whether he should go first, but Luo Binghe hurts me consistently through the whole entire story, so I think he wins. Shen Jiu just stabs me in the heart at strategic moments. This is it. My ideal mean boy who is soft for one (1) person, and who BOTH does unconscionable things for terrible reasons (someone just. give him a pile of girls to teach, it will be much more pleasant for everyone involved), and who ALSO gets blamed for things he didn’t do even when he tries to act in good faith. It is the best of all painful worlds. And even at the end, when he has a powerful person who wants desperately to protect him, he still tries his hardest to shove that person away, to keep him safe. I’ve got like four aus where he gets to live. I’m so invested in this character, I love him so much.

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Most favorite: Luo Binghe. He was.... made for me............ Like, the overwhelming amounts of childhood angst were baked in by Shang Qinghua, but the in-story pain and suffering is PRECISELY my jam. I love a character with separation anxiety! I love a character with massive anxieties over being unwanted! Over nobody ever, EVER just choosing him! I love a character struggling with the idea that the person he loves most in the world thinks that he’s intrinsically Disgusting! I love the kind of stubborn determination that leads him to preserve a corpse for five years, desperately hoping for a way to revive it, constantly cooking fresh food, in case, in case he someday wakes up. The way Hua Cheng loves is overpowering, but he’s had time to like... learn to be mellow when he needs to be. Luo Binghe doesn’t have a chill bone in his body, and if he’s acting chill, it’s probably because he’s done some mental math and decided that being more clingy right now will probably get him pushed away harder. I love the combination of manipulative tendencies and a very, very genuine fear of rejection and being unwanted. There is nothing I don’t love about Luo Binghe, including his worst decisions. I love him so so much.

[usermischief]

Hello, hi, I absolutely did not scream when I saw this! Ajdhejjsjsdjjejdjejdj. Lol.

But also, Stiles as a son of Hades! Omg, omg, do tell, pretty please. And all the Briles, oh my lord! Which one do I even pick. How about expound on the one you're most eager to write?

Thank you, thank you! And I apologize for rambling. I had 2 mugs of coffee. I'll be awake until the next morning maybe. Working my ass off ajdhejsjsj but girl's gotta pay her bills.

Thank youu! 💖 (ah, the caffeine high. I never experienced it, but it must be a trip 😂 I can drink coffee and energy drinks and still be tired and go to sleep 😂 I still hope work didn't fuck you up too much! 💖)

Yay for the screaming? lol I don't have a lot planned for it yet, just that their first date is obviously going to be a complete disaster... and there's probably going to be some angst.. because we all needs some angst 😂 But only a little. Not too much.

Oh, oh! Stiles as the son of Hades, all right. He's kind of sick of the Underworld because it's gotten boring now that souls are slowing down (technology and seances and shit are a reason for that). So, Stiles leaves the underworld, but his dear mom is worried he'll create too much chaos, so she sends Cerberus with him. A group of chimeras hears that their brother (Cerberus) has come to the real world and decides for some family bonding. One of those chimeras happens to be Theo Raeken, and he loves to piss off his brother a lot (but he loves Stiles and his proclivity to cause chaos so much more).

And as for Briles, hm... lemme think. I'm excited about all my fics and wish I had more time in the day lol So, I picked one at random: "Take Me Instead". It's gonna be drama and pain because after finishing Bad Habits for Bad Thing Happen Bingo, I decided I want everything I write for this bingo to hurt... will I do it? Probably not but Take Me Instead is going to be a s6 AU. Where Stiles finds Brett and Lori in a terrible situation and is ready to sacrifice his life to protect Brett and his sister.

(un-started fic list / asks)

[bn-hero-academia-scenarios]

A beautiful Nightmare or Terrible Dream

I'm gonna tell you here and now that this is just some self-indulgent shit I decided to do. My friend recently uncovered an fma fic from 4 years ago that I wrote on wattpad, and I thought the style low-key had potential so here we go! Ideally this will become a regular feature to kinda fill the space during my writing dry spells, I hope that if you guys like it to make it a little more interactive. Like I'll start polls that are like "should we get closer to kirishima or Bakugou?" "Should our quirk be better for head-to-head combat or for support/stealth?" "Do we panic like a fool or keep our cool" that kinda thing. Lemme know if its something you guys are into and we'll see how it goes!

______________________________________________

Dear Diary,

So I know it's been a hot-minute since I've written to you, but honestly it never really seemed like a worthwhile thing to do? I figured all that talk about how writing about your feelings calmed you down and helped you focused was just bs that people said to force you to write more. However, I've just been placed in what can only be described as the most absolutely fucked situation any person has ever been in since the creation of life on earth. Sounds like a bit of an exaggeration? No. Not one fucking bit. Because I, [First Name] [Last Name], have just been body slammed into a whole goddamned new dimension. Sounds crazy, I know, but guess what I know I'm in a new dimension because I read about it. Not like I read theories about the multiverse and like actual scientific research on things like this. I mean that I literally read a manga about this place.

That's right diary, I'm in an anime world. I know I spent like most of my teenage years dreaming about this exact scenario. I'm transported into another world with a ton of cute guys and they instantly fall for me because I'm wonderful and blah blah blah. The reality is that if you go from casually laying in bed taking a buzzfeed quiz about which high school musical character you are to suddenly laying in the street while a sludge monster is shoving himself down Katsuki Bakugou's throat, you get just the tiniest bit stressed.

And by that I mean YOU START SCREAMING LIKE A GODDAMNED FOOL AND ONLOOKERS STARE AT YOU AND YOU CANT STOP BECAUSE ITS SO STRESSFUL AND YOURE IN PAJAMAS!!!

And then ALL MIGHT come through and hes like "HAHAHA NEVER FEAR BECAUSE IM HERE HAHA LEMME PUNCH THAT SLUDGE" And you're like HOLY F U C K

Because what else do you do when you see All Might?

I ended up following All Might (not gonna tell his real name just in case I lose you) home. I tried to explain the situation and he seemed hella hesitant (he definitely thought I was crazy, there's no doubt) until I started dropping spoilers about what he was in town for, why hes teaching, about his quirk, easy stuff nothing to ruin the plot though. The author has a plan for the series and its a good one, I'm not trying to wreck it, even under such fucked up conditions.

But yeah, long story-short I'm now staying with All Might as his "niece" from abroad. Also we're gonna see if this dimension travelling gave me a quirk, because really anything is possible.

I'll definitely write again soon

Sincerely, your struggling bitch,

[First Name]