#also one of the most dangerous cities in the country. sure i'll uproot my whole fucking life just for your parents to enjoy the illusion of

[girltomboy]

Bf came over last night and eventually told me he actually lied to me for 8 months and he never really quit smoking. Just stopped doing it in front of me or before meeting up with me and I believed all this time that he actually stopped. Last spring. And he was even supported by his mom in his lie. She was in on it. And they did it because they hoped eventually he would actually be able to stop. And I said this is the last nail in the coffin of our relationship, because to elaborate a lie this strong and this lasting is just evil no matter which way you spin it. All this time I even asked him a bunch of times if he ever smoked since "quitting" and he said no?? And he said it in his lying tone but I just thought I was crazy, I thought EYE was the crazy one!! I wouldn't even have been mad, I would have understood I mean there's people who try to quit smoking their whole lives. It could take years. And he even lied to our friends, like my best friend and her bf were in awe, they were so admirative of him and his ability to drop smoking so quickly and with relatively little treatment. And he said my praises and the fact that I was proud of him made him feel good, but how good can something fake and artificial make you feel??!! Mixed with the knowledge that you're LYING!!???? He just cried and told me he was scared of disappointing me, as if lying doesn't disappoint me a billion times worse, and he knows it. And I still decided to stay and give it another go. I think mostly out of fear of breaking up, but ironically I can't stop seeing him like a stranger now. I can't trust him like before, and frankly I don't think I'll be able to anytime soon. And if only this was the first situation of this sort, but our whole almost 5 year relationships has been sprinkled with massive lies. This one takes the cake. It's not even that serious but the fact that he was able to carry on for so long, look me in the eyes and lie to me all this time, so many times he could have taken responsibility and said "actually- " but he didn't. And I trusted him because I wanted to stop being so distrustful. And I was wrong to be so. But do I want to be in a relationship where I'm constantly investigating and questioning things? I really don't. We were able to have a mature and honest conversation. I only love the person I thought he was - this one?? I don't know him.