#also note that the symptoms im observing can be explained by all manner of things but electrolyte problems are very much possible for reaso

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

even in the middle of this relapse i can see how far ive come since last time? idk im able to recognise the black and white thinking way more, im able to talk myself down from anxiety, i can still remind myself that things might feel inevitable but they're not. like yall. things aren't perfect right now but they're a hell of a lot better than they were months ago. i don't think they'll ever be quite as awful as they were then.

[pepidefbummie]

Cold Heart [GOT7 Jaebum/JB]

Pairing: Jaebum x Reader

Genre: Fluff, romance

Summary: [Medical AU] [Doctor AU] Cardiothoracic surgeon Im Jaebum is perceived as a cold-hearted person, but the new pediatrician in the building thinks otherwise and slowly melts the icy man [A/N: I do not know much about the medical field, so that would explain anything inaccurate in this story]

Word count: 4,318

Note: p/n = patient’s name

You moved into your new clinic in one of the most prestigious hospitals in the country. Standing at the hallway felt like a dream as you breathed in deeply and looked at the place in awe. The sleepless nights and ugly crying paid off. You watched as kids ran out of the other rooms with their moms holding their hands. A friend and fellow pediatrician walked out of the room and smiled upon seeing you. “Y/n!” the male, Youngjae, waves.

You smile and wave back as he walks towards you, “Hey Youngjae.”

“Congratulations on making it! I’m really proud of you!” he gives you a big hug.

You chuckle as he releases you, “Thank you. Told you we’d both make it.”

“I know, right? Well, I have another patient, but if you need anything, don’t be afraid to contact me!” Youngjae beams before jogging back to his clinic room.

You stand there, a huge grin still plastered on your face, but you shook it off as you needed to get your coat from the on-call room. You turned on your heel to quickly and bumped straight into another person. Stumbling backwards, you were steadied by hands grabbing your wrist. Thankful for that you smile, “Oh, I’m sorry.”

The person, however, was not sharing your smile. He had a scowl on his face as if you just made his day the worst. With an annoyed tone in his voice, he lets go of your wrist and says, “Be careful. You’re in a hospital.”

You blink a few times before nodding. “Ok, thank you anyway.”

The man is a doctor just like you. He doesn’t say anything else and instead shifts his glare forward and walks away, hands shoved into his coat’s pockets. You let out a silent “pfft” before navigating your way to the on-call room. There, you get your coat and finally put it on, ready to take on whatever the hospital throws your way.

The next few days, you manage to see a few patients, and the kids are the most adorable things you’ve ever seen. Granted, some of them wiped boogers on your clinic while others tried to throw your ballpens, but other than that, you were happy enough to make sure that they were healthy. Every time a mother thanked you, you felt proud of yourself.

Today was another day at the hospital, and you were going to see your fourth patient for the day. “Hello there.” you greet the child and their parent.

The mother smiles before explaining the situation, “My son has been having a hard time breathing, but the other pediatricians we’ve visited told us that it could be treated by medicine. We just wanted one more opinion before we take action.”

“I see.” you nod, “Let me do some check-ups and we’ll see what we can do.”

You ask questions while checking the child’s condition, taking notes of whatever you observe. Afterwards, you sit down and hand a paper to the mother. “There definitely is an irregularity in his heartbeat, but it’s not exactly life threatening as of yet. However, I do recommend that you consult a cardio specialist to further gauge the situation.”

“Is there any way we can see one today as well?” the mother asks.

“Hold on for a moment.” you smile before taking the telephone and dialing a receptionist.

“Hello, Dr. y/n. How may I help you?” the receptionist answers.

You respond, “Hi, I was wondering if there were any cardiologists available for consultation today? My patient, p/n, would like to schedule for one.”

“Let me check.” the receptionist says. After a few minutes, she gets back to you. “Dr. Im Jaebum just finished an operation right now and is currently with another patient, but his receptionist has informed him. You may hand over your patient’s records to him.”

“Alright, thank you so much.”

You turn back to the mother. “All other cardiologists are on duty, but Dr. Im Jaebum is willing to take a look at your son’s records.” you say with a smile, “I’ll give him his records, and Dr. Im’s receptionist will contact you when he’s available. Would that be alright?”

“Yes, thank you so much.” the mother bows politely before taking her son’s hand.

After saying goodbye, the two leave, and you prepare the son’s medical records from you and from past pediatricians. The son seemed to have a heart problem that you perceived wouldn’t be cured by just prescribing medicine. While it was your job to treat children, you thought it would be more advisable to transfer him to someone who specialized in the cardio field. You didn’t even know who this Dr. Im Jaebum was, but since he was the only cardiologist available today, you found yourself heading for his office. After knocking, a deep voice from inside the room called for you to come in. But you knew that voice was familiar. Shaking off the thought, you pushed open and quietly went inside with a smile. That smile disappeared almost immediately when you saw who the doctor was. Dr. Im was the man you bumped a few days ago. The rather rude one, you thought to yourself. “Oh.” he says rather deadpan, “I remember you.”

There was another doctor in the room; he seemed liked he was talking to Jaebum before you came in. “You’re the newest pediatrician here, right?” the other male offers you a smile.

“Yes.” you nod your head, suddenly shy.

Jaebum doesn’t look up from the papers on his desk as he says, “She was also rather lost on her first day.”

A blush creeps on your cheeks just as the other doctor chuckles softly. “It happens to all of us, Jaebum.”

Jaebum lips quirk into a very small smirk before saying, “Only you, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung shakes his head in amusement before waving at his friend. As he passes you, he pats your back gently and whispers, “Welcome aboard.” sneakily gesturing towards Jaebum, Jinyoung continues, “And don’t be scared of Jaebum, ok?”  

He doesn’t let you question his statement as he shuts the door behind you. You stand there, dumbfounded until Jaebum’s deep voice snaps you back, “Are you going to just stand there, or do you need anything? I don’t have all day.”

You sigh and internally roll your eyes before walking closer. “Here are my patient’s records. I don’t think it’s just a simple case that can be treated by medicine.”

Jaebum reads the papers, “Of course it’s a heart problem. Shouldn’t you be equipped with enough knowledge to treat this though?” he says, raising his eyebrow in a rather haughty manner.

You nod before pointing out a few things on the records, “Yes, but these symptoms are beyond my specialty. This is more complicated than basic heart treatments.”

Jaebum leans back on his chair and studies your face, his steel expression sending shivers down your spine. “Fine, I’ll take over for this patient.”

“Thank you, Dr. Im.” you say.

He doesn’t say anything else and instead dismisses you with a nod. You take that as your cue to leave.

Over the next few days, you get used to your schedules, appointments and tasks. Before you know it, you’ve also become friends with the other doctors and nurses there, especially with Dr. Jinyoung and Dr. Jackson, both of which prefer being called just “Jinyoung” or just “Jackson”. Youngjae still sees you, often eating lunch together or resting in the on-call room. You encounter Jaebum from time to time and ask him about the patient you had from before. Because of this, an unspoken agreement of some sort has formed between you wherein Jaebum would update you on the patient’s condition.

Something about Im Jaebum piqued your interest, and no it wasn’t because he was a rather handsome doctor. Yes he was, with his muscular built, defined features and sharp eyes, but he had a commanding and regal aura to him that attracted you. Nurses would often gossip about how hot he was, while other doctors would always mention that making mistakes with Jaebum was akin to a death wish. “Why’s that?” you ask one doctor, Yugyeom.

Yugyeom chuckles before explaining, “Jaebum-hyung’s a really skilled doctor, but he gets really critical when people make mistakes with him, especially when undergoing surgeries.”

“He hates mistakes in surgeries.” Bambam adds.

“Yeah,” Yugyeom nods, “Noona, since you’re kind of new here, you should know that every nurse that falls for Jaebum-hyung ends up heartbroken.”

“Hey,” Youngjae laughs, “Those are just gossip. It’s not true.”

You tilt your head, “Why would people say that though?”

Jinyoung chuckles beside you, “He tends to turn down confessions or never reciprocates feelings. Jaebum is really dedicated to his work as a doctor and thinks that it’s his priority. He takes things very seriously and doesn’t fool around in the hospital. People interpret that as him being cold.”

“Remember when rookie doctors called him ‘Dr. Cold Heart’? It’s funny ‘cause he’s a cardiothoracic surgeon.” Jackson laughs.

“Wow,” you say, “He kind of did scare me the first time we met.”

“You’ll get used to it.” Mark affirms. “Jaebum’s a softie when you get to know him enough.”

Come to think of it, what the other doctors were saying just now seemed true. You observed how some courageous nurse would ask if Jaebum had plans for the night, and he would politely (though sternly) reject the offers. Or the times he’d have a very icy glare when lecturing the assisting surgeons outside the corridors. But there were very rare times you’d see him more relaxed. There was that one time he smiled so gently at a little girl who thanked him for “saving her mom’s life” – probably a successful heart operation. Or the time he was laughing with Jinyoung and Youngjae in the on-call room because of some medical pun made by Jackson and Yugyeom.

And this just piqued your interest even more.

One day, you were walking down the hospital corridor when you saw Jaebum reprimanding a few assistants. You’ve heard the stories of how scary he could get, and when you heard his raised voice, you clutched your clipboard tighter. With a gulp and wavering courage, you walked closer and firmly spoke up. “Excuse me, Dr. Im?”

The assistants being reprimanded turned to you with thankful eyes, but Jaebum was just as exasperated to see you. “What is it?” he snaps.

You sigh and gesture to the clipboard in your hands, “I need to speak to you about something.”

Jaebum rubs his temples before dismissing the frightened assistants. He opens the door to his office and ushers you inside. Without taking seat, Jaebum sighs and turns to you, eyebrows raised, “This better be urgent, Dr. y/l/n.”

You place the clipboard on his desk and say, “I just needed to give you p/n’s updated records in case you needed it for his check-ups.”

“You could have just given that to my receptionist, you know?” he slumps into his chair.

“Yeah,” you nod, a small yet playful smile on your lips, “but I also wanted to save those poor assistants from your wrath.”

“Very funny.” Jaebum rolls his eyes, “They nearly performed an operation in the wrong way. We nearly lost a patient.”

You feel rather comfortable, standing in front of his desk. “You need to loosen up a bit, you know? You gotta balance it all out.”

Jaebum looks at you like you’ve said the craziest thing he’s ever heard. “And you’re telling me because?”

“You’re not the cold-hearted doctor everyone says you are.” you smile.

Jaebum’s eyes widen the slightest before he looks to his papers, “And how would you know?”

“I’ve seen sides of you that would say otherwise, Dr. Im.” you say in conclusion before bowing and making your way out the door. “I’ve also seen you smile. It suits you.”

With that, you make your leave in order to hide the beating of your heart as you blurted those words. Little did you know that a small smirk graced Jaebum’s lips behind closed doors. “She’s interesting.” he whispers to himself.

Things have been going smoothly, and before you know it, you’ve been working in the hospital for half a year already. Somehow, you and Jaebum start to talk more often, and Jackson can’t shut up about it. Other doctors find it funny (or endearing, rather) when you save Jaebum’s assistants from his fits of anger. There was this one rare occasion when you and Jabeum were the only doctors in the on-call room. “I just want to eat ice cream and sleep and watch dramas and buy food.” you mumbled to no one in particular.

Jaebum, being the only doctor in the room, replied, “Your sugar levels are going to go overboard.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” you joked. “You’re not a nutritionist anyway.”

“But I am a cardiologist, and sugar levels are important in this field, Dr. y/l/n.” he smirked.

You laughed, “Cardiology does seem interesting.”

Jaebum shrugged, “It is, but it’s also a pain in the ass.”

“Then why’d you choose it?”

“Because the heart basically one of the most vital organs, and I wanted to help those that would have problems with such an important organ in life.” Jaebum answered simply before throwing the question back at you, “And why pediatrics for you?”

With a soft smile, you said, “Because I have a little brother who is 7 and a sister who is a few years younger than me. I don’t like seeing children in difficult situations, so pediatrics was the field for me.”

You don’t notice how Jaebum stared at you with so much admiration in his eyes, or how his smile was the most mesmerizing thing ever. When he stared too long, you asked, “What is it?”

“You have chocolate stains on the side of your lip.” Jaebum smirked, ruining the moment. “Is that from your snack a while ago?”

Your eyes widened and when you did see the stain, your cheeks flared up. “How did that get there?” You stand up and wash yourself at the nearby sink.

“For a doctor, you really are clumsy.” Jaebum teased further.

You scoffed at the male and rolled your eyes, “Geez, Jaebum. I knew that already.”

Jaebum raised an eyebrow at you, his smirk more playful, “Did you just call me Jaebum?”

“Where did you hear that? Who said that?” you glanced everywhere but him as you wiped your face.

Jaebum stood from his seat and moved closer to you until you were cornered by the wall and him. “May I ask what you are doing at this moment, because I don’t think colleagues do this…and I wouldn’t have expected this move from you.”

Jaebum leaned down, whispering beside your ear, “You talk a lot when you’re flustered, don’t you, y/n?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you leveled his gaze, attempting to look like you were in control.

Jaebum placed a finger finger on your chest, directly where your heart was. “Even without my tools, I can tell that your heart is beating faster than average.”

Without anything to spit back, you swallowed hard and looked down to avoid his piercing stare. He pulled away, looking at his watch. “I have an appointment now, if you’ll excuse me.”

Gathering his coat and phone, Jaebum opened the door and smirked, “Not as cold, huh?”

You stood there, bewildered with what just happened. Did that just really happen? Heaven knows you’d be thinking about this moment on repeat for eternity.

It came to a point that Jaebum had warmed up to you, just as Mark told you. You could tease him, and he would throw something back at you. You’ve started calling him Jaebum instead of Dr. Im, and he’d call you by your first name, much to the dislike of the other female doctors and nurses. In fact, it became the talk of the hospital, if that was possible. There was one female doctor that Jaebum would often be seen smiling with and teasing, and it was you. A lot of the males were saying that it was because Jaebum had a soft spot for you, but others were saying that Jaebum liked you romantically, a miracle they’d never thought would happen. But you shrugged it off. Jaebum interested in you? Nonsense. Though the thought did occur to you, and you would be lying if you didn’t admit that you did have fluttering feelings for this doctor, but you didn’t want to dwell on it. Being a doctor was serious business.

It was afternoon by now, and your patient had just left. You sat there, twirling a pen that was laying on your desk. Looking at your schedule, you ask your receptionist, “Miyeon, wasn’t my little brother supposed to have an appointment today? Like at this time?”

Miyeon shuffles through the papers and nods, just as curious as you, “Yeah, he was. Maybe they’re just running late. Your sister is coming from school right?”

But minutes turned into an hour, and your patient wasn’t in your clinic yet. Your little brother, Siwoo, also had a heart condition, and just like the other little boy from months ago, you had Siwoo transferred to Jaebum. He’d still come to you for a few check-ups since he wanted to see his big sister more. He brought a smile and a feeling of joy whenever he visited. Not seeing him during his appointment was off. You were going to call your sister on the phone when she called you first. “Y/n I’m so sorry.” she sniffs.

“Haewon? What’s the matter?” you ask in worry.

“It’s Siwoo…Siwoo was – we were going to your clinic when he suddenly had a heart failure so he was rushed to the emergency room.” she says, voice frantic and obviously in panic.

“I see.” you reply as calmly as possible, “Where are you now?”

“I was ushered into the waiting room. Oh please! Tell me Siwoo will be ok!” Haewon starts to cry.

You take in a deep breath and speak, “He will.”

Without a second thought, you run towards the emergency building, not worried about the heels you were wearing today. You ask the receptionist for Siwoo’s room number, and once you find out, you continue to run. The doors have already closed and all you can do is stare from outside, a small glass window allowing you to see the operating room. You feel your heart racing as you see the doctors and nurses performing a surgery on the little boy. The supervising doctor happened to be Jaebum, and when he saw you outside, he spoke to the other supervising doctor before going outside to you. He removes his gloves and mask. “Y/n, leave this to us.”

You shake your head, refusing to look at Jaebum and focus on Siwoo’s unconscious figure, “No, I need to make sure he makes it.”

Jaebum grips your shoulders with just enough force to make you look at him. “You’re not even supposed to be here.”

“Jaebum, that’s my brother!” you exclaim, trying to get out of his grasp, “I’m his family!”

Jaebum cups your face, pleading you to look at his sharp eyes, “Please, y/n, trust me. He’ll make it, so please just leave this to us. Stay with your sister in the waiting room.”

He slowly lets go of you before rushing back inside. He asks for a nurse to usher you outside where you are met by you sister.

The time seems to move too slowly for your liking as you drink your coffee in the on-call room. You nervously tap the table. It’s been hours already. Jinyoung tried to convince you to go home with your sister, but you refused to. Youngjae kept you company for a while before giving you some space. You were falling asleep, head on the table when you heard the door slowly open. You looked up to see Jaebum emerge, his scrubs gone and replaced by his usual white coat. His hair was a bit messy, and he looked exhausted. You abruptly stand up from the chair and stare at the male with glassy eyes. “Tell me he’s ok, please.”

“Bad news is that he’ll have to go through another surgery sometime this week. Good news is that the first surgery today was successful. He’s under supervision for now. Your sister is with him in the room.” Jaebum explains.

You don’t stop the tears from escaping your eyes, and you don’t care whether you become a crying mess in front of Jaebum – you let it all out. Everything goes silent when you feel Jaebum slowly wrap his arms around you, enveloping you in a warm embrace. You clutch onto the lapels of his coat, your tears soaking the blue dress shirt he’s wearing inside. “It’s going to be alright, y/n.” he whispers.

All you can do is nod against his chest, unable to notice how he tenderly kisses your forehead.

For the next few days, you visit your little brother in his hospital room as much as you can.  Since you still have a duty as a doctor, you squeeze in visits when you don’t have appointments. If your sister can’t watch over Siwoo, you trust Youngjae and even Jackson with watching over the little boy. You tried your best to focus on your job. Whenever a child visited you for an appointment, you’d remember Siwoo and how he just sat in the hospital bed, watching some children’s shows on the tv. Still, you managed to focus on your tasks properly. When the day for Siwoo’s second operation came, you opted to stay in your office. Jaebum made sure that Jinyoung would keep you company just in case you panicked or felt worried.

It was 10:30 when a nurse knocked on your office door. “Dr. y/l/n, Siwoo’s awake and ready to see you.”

You thank the kind nurse and immediately make your way Siwoo’s room. Opening the door, you flash your little brother a big smile. “There’s my baby brother.”

Siwoo grins back, “Noona!”

Jaebum is also there, offering you a small smile, “Siwoo should be fine now. He can be discharged after two days.”

“That’s good.” you sigh, making your way over to Siwoo, “How are you feeling, Siwoo?”

Siwoo smiles and holds up a thumbs-up, “I’m ok. I feel like jumping out of joy!”

“Not for now, Siwoo.” Jaebum smiles, “You’re going to open your stitches, and that’s going to hurt.”

“But I’ll get gummy bears if I behave and just stay in bed?” Siwoo asks innocently.

“Maybe.” Jaebum winks, gently ruffling your little brother’s hair.

Siwoo beams and hugs his stuffed toy, “Dr. Im is the best! Noona, did you know that Dr. Im gave me this cat keychain when I wouldn’t stop crying?”

You chuckle at the two boys and examine the keychain in his hands, “Well, at least you have a souvenir from Dr. Im.”

You glance and grin at Jaebum who shoots back a smile. He sighs and turns to Siwoo, “Well, you should be sleeping now, Siwoo.”

“Ok.” Siwoo smiles happily.

Jaebum opens the door for your younger sister and instructs her on how to watch over Siwoo, and how to call anyone if anything were to happen. You chuckle, turning to your sister and wrapping her in a hug, “Will you be ok here?”

“Mhmm.” Haewon smiles widely.

“Goodnight, Siwoo.” you kiss the top of your brother’s head.

“Goodnight, noona.” Siwoo smiles. “Goodnight, Dr. Im.”

You and Jaebum walk out of the hospital room, but before you could go anywhere, Jaebum quickly holds your hand and leads you straight to his office. “Told you you’d have to trust me.” he playfully states, leaning on his desk.

“I know.” you smile, “Thank you, Jaebum.”

“I’m just doing my job.”

“Still. Thank you.”

Jaebum’s smile turns into a smirk, “He kept calling me your boyfriend when you weren’t in the room. Seems like you’ve been telling him stuff, y/n.”

“I have not.” you blush, “Siwoo just assumed. Kids have innocent and naïve minds, Jaebum.”

He simply chuckles and gestures for you to come closer, to which you comply. Once your standing right in front of him, Jaebum takes your wrist in his hands and pulls you closer. “I wonder if there’s truth to what he said, though. Siwoo doesn’t look like he’d lie.”

You scoff playfully, feeling your stomach turn into knots with how close you are to Jaebum, “Are we really going to talk about this?”

“Your heart’s beating really fast again.” Jaebum smirks, brining his ear to your chest.

Blushing, you squeal, “Jaebum!”

You giggle and playfully swat his chest, but Jaebum takes this opportunity to turn you around so you’re the one against the desk now. His arms snake around your waist, and your hands plant themselves on his broad shoulders. “I think Siwoo likes you though, Dr. Im.”

“That’s good to hear,” Jaebum starts, “but does his older sister, Dr. y/l/n, think the same?”

At this moment, you weren’t sure who made the first move, but the feeling of his lips pressed against yours was certain. His lips move with yours in sync as your heart beats in unison with his. One of his hands plants itself softly on the back of your neck while your fingers find their way into his hair. Pulling away with to catch your breath, you grin up at Jaebum, “I told you that you aren’t as cold-hearted as people say.”

“Maybe,” Jaebum says, a slow smile on his lips, “or maybe you just melted it.”

You never saw Jaebum as cold-hearted, so you never believed it when people told you so. But with Jaebum holding you close to him, looking at you with warm eyes and placing soft kisses on your forehead, you knew for certain that he was anything but cold.