#also my memory.............. i just remembered i owe two people original asks and 4 of y'all asks for my inbox call

[tvrningout]

staring at my hands and wondering if i haven't just been burned out for ages actually

[lotusflowerbreakingthesurface]

Let's Talk About PingXie: Part 5

A Summary of Common Misconceptions in the Original Work of Daomu Biji

Source: MuzzledIdealist

Please note that this is a repost with an edited MTL. The original text is written by MuzzledIdealist on Weibo. They said it's okay to repost as long as the source is indicated.

It's not entirely about PingXie though, but the original writer put "PingXie" tag for some reason, so I just follow along.

This post is about some misconceptions in Daomu Biji fandom and whether they're canon or not. Daomu Biji is an old and long series, its story has yet to be completed, there are also many theories that are written by the fans, and those may confuse the people who just joined the fandom. So, this post will explain the following topics:

The timeline of Three Days of Silence

Zhang Qiling was imprisoned in a sanatorium by Zhang Qishan for 20 years

Wu Xie and Xie Yuchen were childhood sweethearts, and whether Xie Yuchen said he would marry Wu Xie when he was a child (and vice versa)

Wu Xie owes Xie Yuchen 30 billion and whether the debt has been paid off

Whether Zhang Qiling ever studied abroad with Hei Xiazi in Germany

Whether there is something like "wake up and go home" between Li Cu and Wu Xie

©Divider by @saradika-graphics

Part 1

Someone asked me when the Three Days of Silence happened, which brought back painful memories of my previous attempts to sort out the timeline related to brother and sister-in-law (PingXie)... I still remember that I spent several nights writing a few pages of word documents, but in the end I found that this is fruitless...

Xu Lei has dug so many holes that he can’t even remember what he has written. There are still many discrepancies between his online serialized version and the physical book version. The most obvious thing is that the front part of the earliest serialized version of Tibetan Sea Flower is very different from the physical book.

According to the (online) serialized version, the first time he (Xiaoge) entered Medog (Motuo) to meet Deren was probably in the late 1970s, and the second time he went to Medog to investigate Dong Can’s whereabouts was probably in the late 1980s. However, in the physical book it was changed to the late 1940s when the first time he (Xiaoge) went to Medog to see Deren, and the second time he went to see Dong Can was in the late 1950s. In the (online) serialized version, Chen Xuehan met a man [they used “哥” here, since Xiaoge is often just called "哥" too, I'm not sure who are they referring to, a man named "Zaji" or Xiaoge] in Jila Temple, but this plot was deleted in the physical version, and even the important character "Zaji" was deleted [see more in Tibetan Sea Flower Ch. 4 (MereBear's Translation)]. Judging from the expression of the two versions, the physical book may have deleted some things, resulting in part of the narrative not being as readable as the (online) serialized version. Looking at the timeline, the time in the (online) serialized version is more consistent with the timeline in the follow-up Unknown Story: Queen of the West’s Ghost Banquet, which states: "(Xiao)ge went to Medog in the late 1970s and left Medog just a few days after Wu Xie was born." [See more in Unknown Story: Queen of the West’s Ghost Banquet Part 2 | Part 3 (MereBear's Translation)]

Therefore, if we speculate according to the (online) serialized version, Three Days of Silence happened in the late 1970s (Zhang Qiling entered Medog for the first time and met Lama Deren, and Wu Xie was born in the same year that Zhang Qiling left Medog). If we speculate according to the physical version, Three Days of Silence happened in the late 1940s (Zhang Qiling entered Medog for the first time and met Lama Deren).

Looking at the timeline of the original story, it's even more confusing. The archaeological team was switched, Xie Jiu(ye)'s plan happened to be destroyed by Panma and others. The plots of the two archaeological expeditions at the Zhang Family's Ancient Building and the two groups of people in Xisha and Heavenly Palace on the Clouds are somewhat confusing. In addition, the key nodes of the timeline involve three versions of narratives by Zhang Qiling, Wu Sanxing, and Chen Wenjin, plus Wu Xie’s speculation in the summary chapter, which makes the timeline even more messy. Even if the physical book comes with a timeline of major events, the description is unclear.

Also, "it", the core that controls everything, involved some unspeakable things in the original serialized version (don't ask about this). In order to avoid this problem in subsequent publications, XL added some random things to Zhang Qishan, which caused great contradictions and divisions in the character and positioning of Zhang Qishan.

As soon as the operation is completed, the imagination and rumors come... Regarding the statement that "Zhang Qiling was imprisoned in a sanatorium by Zhang Qishan for 20 years", I have seen it many times, but the fact is that (Xiao)ge was seriously injured and lost his memory in the largest grave robbery in history in 1965. However, after this incident, a group of people headed by Wu Laogou and Huo Xiangu have been supporting and protecting him. The book states that (Xiao)ge entered a sanatorium at some point later, and was indeed transferred out of the sanatorium in 1985. But the book never mentioned who Zhang Qishan imprisoned, nor did it mention the specific time when he (Xiaoge) entered the sanatorium, but what is certain is that he still appeared in Medog in 1977, so "Zhang Qishan imprisoned people" and "20 years" are both pure imagination......

Part 2

Then there are many other rumors. Here are some common ones and clarifications.

1. Are Wu Xie and Xie Yuchen childhood sweethearts?

False. Wu Xie lived in Hangzhou most of the time when he was a child. Only during the Chinese New Year would he go back to his hometown in Changsha with adults to pay New Year greetings. Only then would he have the opportunity to play with children such as Xie Yuchen and Huo Xiuxiu, who are also juniors. Wu Xie went back to his hometown no more than five times, so he met these juniors no more than five times in total.

“When I was a child, I paid New Year's greetings. I remember that we kids often played together, but Wu Xie, you are not so gregarious, you are introverted, and you are from out of town, so you may not be familiar with me, so you don't remember me.” —Xie Yuchen’s original words in the main story. [See more in Daomu Biji Vol. 7 Ch. 31 (MereBear's Translation) | Ch. 26 (Chinese Version)]

“We came to our ancestral village not to reminisce about the past and celebrate the New Year. In fact, from the time I was born to now, I have never returned to my hometown more than once.” —Wu Xie's narration in the New Year chapter that follows the main story. [See more in Daomu Biji Extra Chinese New Year Special : Ch. 1.1 (MereBear's Translation) | Ch. 1 (Chinese Version)

2. When Xie Yuchen was a child, he said he wanted to marry Wu Xie? (And vice versa)

False. It was Huo Xiuxiu who said she wanted to marry Wu Xie, and at that time they were just children under 10 years old, it's a kid's joke.

"Yes, you even forgot about me.” Huo Xiuxiu said from the side, “You can’t even tell who’s real and who’s fake. You’re worse than this Fatty. It’s so upsetting. I even wanted to marry you when I was a child.” —Huo Xiuxiu's original words in the main story. [See more in Daomu Biji Vol. 7 Ch. 31 (MereBear's Translation) | Ch. 26 (Chinese Version)]

Part 3

3. Wu Xie owes Xie Yuchen 30 billion?

False. The fact is that Iron Triangle made a big fuss at the Crescent Hotel and robbed the Ghost Seal. The reason why they were not held accountable was because Mrs. Huo came forward and asked the Huo family to guarantee them. The reason why the Huo family was willing to provide a guarantee was because they wanted Iron Triangle to join in the operation to capture the Lama. So Wu Xie did owe money, but what he owed was the money from the Crescent Hotel's auction of the Ghost Seal, and this debt was guaranteed by the Huo family. Later, people from the Crescent Hotel came to collect the debt, so they asked Xie Yuchen to find Wu Xie and the others to ask for money.

“This son and I are going grave robbing soon.” Granny Huo patted the pattern and said, “I need your help. If you promise, I’ll make sure you don’t have to worry about Crescent Hotel. And there are other big benefits.” —Daomu Biji Vol. 7 Ch. 31 (MereBear's Translation)

“If I leave Beijing, our two families may fight and give a third party a chance. Beijing’s circle is so chaotic that when you made a scene before, Liuli Sun looked to us for an explanation. And the people at the Crescent Hotel are even more troublesome.” Xiao Hua said. “Your asses haven’t been wiped clean. When the Huos are in turmoil, the debts must be repaid together.” —Daomu Biji Vol. 8 Ch. 4 (MereBear's Translation)

「Xiao Hua looked at our feet and then at our walls. Fatty had put up some hanging paintings, but I didn’t know where he had found them. “Actually, people from Crescent Hotel came to ask me to pass on a message to you,” he said.

I looked at Fatty—I hadn’t heard that name for a long time—and said, “You can tell them that I haven’t been in the business recently. They don’t need to be concerned with me.”

“They’re here to collect the debt,” Xiao Hua said. “Do you still remember that you took something from Crescent Hotel without paying? I was your guarantor at that time and now I’ve come to collect.”」

—Daomu Biji Extra: Some of Wu Xie’s Thoughts (MereBear's Translation)

By the way, where did the 30 billion come from:

30 billion is not cash or an exact number, but the valuation of antiques stored in banks around the world by the Xie family. To put forward these antiques, we need a "special one" that can change the graphics according to the time accurately to the second, and correspond to the corresponding database system of those banks. The seal that “cannot be copied” was once hung around Huo Xiuxiu’s neck in Sand Sea, but was later torn off and thrown into the sewer. "As the water washes away, the seal is poured into the depths of the sewer. After 3 months, when the power of the backup battery is exhausted, the seal will stop changing. The wealth valued at nearly 30 billion will become dead and sealed forever in the bank". In short, this 30 billion has nothing to do with Wu Xie's debt.

4. Wu Xie owes this money and has not paid it back?

False. It had been paid off long ago, and Xiao Hua even mistakenly thought that the things that Fatty put in Wu Xie's house to pay the bills were Wu Xie's property and moved them away, so Wu Xie was so poor during Restart period...

「I thought Fatty had some more valuable things, but he said that all of the good things had been moved to Rain Village. On that stormy night, all those things had been regarded as mine and Xiao Hua took them away to settle the accounts (1). Fatty seemed to have a lifetime of bad luck just for knowing me. He went from getting accidental injuries to losing his whole fortune.

I sighed, pinched my brows, and realized that I had to make some money.」

—Restart Ch. 126 (MereBear's Translation)

Later, Xu Lei also replied in the WeChat comment area that the money owed by Wu Xie had been paid off:

「Selected comment: Wu Xie still owes Xiao Hua the Ghost Seal money and hasn’t paid it back yet. How dare he borrow it again?

Xu Lei: It’s done.」

An additional point here is that the Huo family should use their own family credit as a guarantee for the Iron Triangle, and the amount of debt is huge. The Huo family should provide personal insurance rather than property insurance. PICC (People's Insurance Company of China) is divided into general guarantee and joint liability guarantee. Usually fools will choose general guarantee, let alone a smart person like Mrs. Huo, because under this guarantee method, the guarantor enjoys the right of first-suit defense. In layman's terms, the creditor must first apply to enforce the debtor's own property. Only when the debtor runs away and has no money or his own property is not enough to pay off the entire debt, can the creditor require the guarantor to assume the guarantee liability. This means that Crescent Hotel can only ask Wu Xie to pay back the money first. Unless Wu Xie has no money to pay back, he can go to the Huo family. Therefore, Wu Xie went bankrupt and paid off his debts, and the Huo family did not have to pay at all.

Part 4

5. Zhang Qiling and Hei Xiazi studied in Germany together?

False. First of all, it is never mentioned in the book that I have been to Germany. This rumor may have developed from "Zhang Qiling understands German". So, can I speak German?

When (Xiao)ge went to investigate Dong Can's whereabouts, he found a German corpse and a notebook in the snowy mountains. In the notebook, there were things about the ultimate recorded by the Germans. Later, Wu Xie found a note left by the Germans in the jacket draped over (Xiao)ge's statue. From these details, it seems to be inferred that I understand German. However, the Germans have been involved in matters related to the archaeological inversion for a long time, and they have also used each other with the Zhang family. When Wu Xie entered Medog, he also met many Germans and brought his own translator, so it was not difficult to find a German or even a German translator in Medog. It is not ruled out that he does not need to be very proficient in German to communicate with Germans.

Moreover, he is a person who is extremely talented in languages. When he went to investigate Dong Can, he could not understand the conversation of the Tibetan porter and could not understand the word "ultimate" written in Tibetan in his notebook. But later he learned it after staying in Medog for a while, so it is entirely possible that he learned basic German through communicating with Germans in Medog. Does language learning have to be achieved by going abroad? What's more, he didn't even have an ID card at the time, so how could he go to Germany......

Later, Xu Lei even said that (Xiao)ge didn't know German well:

「Xu Lei’s new book live broadcast in October last year (2022)

Host: A friend asked if Xiaoge can speak Northeastern dialect?

Xu Lei: Then he can definitely speak it. Xiaoge can also speak English.

Host: Does he speak German, too?

Xu Lei: Ah? (Shocked, why didn’t I know about this?)

Host: A friend said below that Xiaoge can also speak German, so you are writing a book for Sanshu (NPSS), but Xiaoge doesn't speak German.

Xu Lei: (Laughing awkwardly) Yeah, yeah.

Host: (Laughing awkwardly) If you have a mouth, you can speak.

Xu Lei: Well... that's possible, maybe a little bit, but it's that kind of... uh... then I can say that I can do it a little bit.

Host: Xiaoge can also speak zongzi language.

Xu Lei: Yes, actually it is called insect language, which simulates the sound of insects to test whether there are very dangerous insects in the corpse.」

6. Did Li Cu say "Wake up, we're going home" to Wu Xie in Sand Sea? [IIrc it should be the other way around but it has the same point though]

False. The only time this sentence appears in the entire Daomu Biji series is in Daomu Biji Vol. 8, when Wu Xie and Pangzi went to the Zhang family's Ancient Building to save Xiaoge. When Wu Xie saw the ancient building and saw his brother dying, he thought he was dead. He instantly felt that the world had collapsed, his body felt despair one step ahead of his consciousness, and he patted (Xiao)ge's face in a state of despair and said, "Wake up, go home."

So how did the rumor come to be that Li Cu also said such things to Wu Xie? Since I haven't watched any movies and TV series related to Daomu Biji, I searched for a long time and found out that this is the plot of the Sha Hai (Tomb of the Sea) web series, which was rumored to be the original content, and coupled with the spread of the yx (marketing) account, it became a rumor that everyone said. Personally, I hope that the book and the drama can be separated, at least not to spread unfounded rumors as the content of the original work (the novel).

My thought:

It was posted in December 2023, so I think it's still relevant. I don't know if anyone would be interested in this matter but I think it's pretty interesting, so I couldn't help but repost it here (⁠^_^⁠;⁠)⁠ゞ

Thanks for reading! (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠✧⁠*⁠。

◀ Previous

[aria0fgold]

Small break intermission from writing cuz im also bored. So have some fun facts i thought about my aus instead!

Re:Painting AU was first known as Painting AU until I made another AU with a similar premise, it was only meant to feature Hero until I decided to add Kel and Aubrey. I was supposed to write this for my 3rd fic but I didn’t know what else to do with the plot now that I added Kel and Aubrey so it’s just been waiting in the back.

<>

I have 2 scrapped android omori aus because I have no idea what to do with them storywise. The first android au was set post-true ending and was meant to feature adult Sunny who created an android version of his old friend Omori. Strangely, the android seemed to have gained sentience and even some memories of Headspace, it’s very incomplete which made android omori feel as though he was abandoned so he’s quite the troublemaker (he doesnt remember certain events such as the fight) and so Sunny asked his friends to help him take care of one rebellious android.

<>

the second android au was inspired by this video’s opening scene, my brain immediately thinking of a storyline before the song even started (the song tells a story in three parts. Two breaths walking, android girl, and two breaths walking [reloaded]) its a love song with a pretty neat story. In this au, androids are in production in the city but none are a success, Sunny’s dad has a friend that did manage to create a proper prototype and she owes the Saezawa for helping her with funds so she wanted to create the prototype in the image they want. The dad told her to use Sunny’s appearance (evil intention behind it, he wanted to have a son that’s perfect unlike Sunny that he sees as a disappointment.)

Sunny named Omori and they’re best friends until his parents started giving Omori the attention Sunny had been wanting and he grew jealous and started pushing Omori away. Argument in the stairs still happen but the one that took that blame is Omori instead so he was sent away. The story for this is meant to start 4 years into the present (Sunny at 16 basically)

This also has two violins (one for Sunny and one for Omori because the dad sees Omori as Sunny’s replacement so even with a violin broken, Sunny still managed to use one) This AU was also meant as Patch’s origin story (The woman that made the android is his mom, her name is Enmei.)

<>

I have another AU that was meant to be a short story titled “It’s a small world after all.“ Featuring Omori as a runaway orphan (au was inspired by how some people gets to meet someone else that looks exactly like them!) It’s a found family trope (it’s my favourite trope pls it makes me melt so much) But well, it got scrapped cuz I don’t know what to do with it.

[renegadewangs]

Van Zieks - the Examination, part 5

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).

Disclaimer: (see Part 1 for the more detailed disclaimer.) - These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I’m outlining stems from my own views and experiences. If you believe that I’ve missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly. -The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. - I’m using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what’s said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent. -It doesn’t matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

It’s time to return to the first game for case 5, The Unspeakable Story!

Episode 5: The Unspeakable Story – Part 1

Prepare yourselves, this is a big one! So big, even, that I'm going to have to split it into two parts. Fortunately, we can skip over the entire Investigation segment, because virtually none of it is relevant to Van Zieks. In fact, we don't even learn Van Zieks is the prosecutor until we enter the courtroom and see him standing there. Somehow, no one thought to ask who Ryu would be facing. What we do learn during the Investigation is confirmation that McGilded was indeed a lying scumbag who murdered Thrice-fired Mason. He asked Gina to lie for him in a court of law, too. So indeed, Ryu backed the wrong horse in The Runaway Room and Van Zieks was right to suspect the defense of deceit. He was wrong in how he worded half his arguments, though.

An extra thing worth noting is that after the conversation in which the blood is found on Gina's coat and the truth of McGilded comes out, it's revealed that Gregson was hiding nearby in the shadows. He insists he didn't eavesdrop and only just walked in, but it's implied much later in the trial that he knew about the blood on the coat. This means that Gregson is, from this point on, holding the full knowledge that McGilded was McGuilty in the omnibus murder.

So into the courtroom we go, where it is shown we're facing Van Zieks. (And nobody is surprised, because who else would it have been? Auchi?) It is now two months after the Runaway Room and the two Clouded Kokoro cases, so immediately upon starting the trial, the judge basically asks Van Zieks whether he's gone insane- in his own words, that is. First he asks how many years it's been since Van Zieks retired, to which Van Zieks replies that it's been five. The judge notes that Van Zieks resurfaced rather suddenly two months ago, (then basically handled three cases in a single week,) and showed up again today.

HAH. I love how on the nose this judge is when it comes to dissing the prosecution. He goes on to state that Van Zieks used to deal exclusively in matters concerned with 'the highest echelons of society and government', yet today he's trying 'a simple case of burglary and murder'. We already learned this from Gregson in case 1-4, but it's nice to have it repeated again.

Van Zieks replies that there's two things he cannot abide: “Wealthy scoundrels who hide behind a mask of philanthropy-” (hi McGilded!) and... “Secondly- even more loathsome... Those wily scoundrels who masquerade as allies only to effect total betrayal in the final hour.”

So that settles it then. He's specifically taken on his three most recent cases because there were Japanese people involved. He's also outright admitting that which Ryu had already guessed: Van Zieks hates Japanese people and going by his wording (“betrayal”, etc.) he has some bad experiences. Ryu wonders whether that 'torrid look of hatred' in Van Zieks's eyes is directed at him or at all Japanese people. Frankly, I think that in a subconscious sense, it's neither. The way I see it, that torrid look of hatred is directed at a man who died ten years ago. But I'll get back to this when it's time to address the backstory. The judge finds that an “alarmingly scathing explanation”, but welcomes the Reaper of the Bailey back to court all the same.

I love the implication that Van Zieks can apparently just come and go as he pleases in terms of prosecuting. Retirement can just be upturned on a whim and he's allowed to choose any case he wants. Who even is keeping him informed on which cases are happening and who the defense is? Is there a Chief Prosecutor in play we don't know about or is Stronghart slipping notes into his letterbox? Or has Van Zieks been entering the prosecutor's office every day for the past two months, demanding to hear news of 'that Nipponese attorney'?

So anyway, Van Zieks lays out the opening statement, pours himself a glass of wine, accuses Ryu of jumping to conclusions and reveals that he has witnesses. Remember when he threw aside his cloak halfway into 1-3 and it was seen as a big deal? … Yeah. It's not much anymore, now. He gets rid of it before the first witnesses have even taken the stand. The guys called forth are literal criminals who happened to break into the scene of the crime and, according to Van Zieks, “will face trial in the very near future” for their “various trespasses”. Alright, so he's acknowledging he's called forth some sketchy witnesses, but considers the murder itself far more sinister than their burglary.

Ryu manages to prove the taller Skulkin brother fired a gun at the crime scene and in doing so, struck poor innocent (S)Holmes. (Ryu presents a picture of a blood-stained calendar with a bullet in it to prove this, yet ten minutes later, he'll present the exact same picture and the entire court will act as if they'd never seen it before. Awkwaaard.) Van Zieks pours himself another glass of wine, toasts to Ryu's incompetence and later has another micro-aggression:

Scumbag points! And also possibly hilarious foreshadowing if he's referring to either Asogi Sr. or Mikotoba here. Though it's hard to say how well acquainted Van Zieks was with (S)Holmes and his partner roughly 16 to 10 years ago. Anyway, Van Zieks flings another chalice and basically admits that he already knew these two criminals gunned down (S)Holmes, but made a deal with them not to get into that. Though technically, Ryu was the one who got into it by proving it in court, so Van Zieks didn't break any unscrupulous deals. And maybe he was even expecting Ryu to do so? Maybe that's why he was pushing Ryu to present evidence? Either way, Van Zieks now owes 'his Nipponese friend' a word of gratitude, since he helpfully confirmed the two brothers couldn't possibly have shot the victim. Only one bullet was fired from their pistol, after all, and if it hit (S)Holmes it couldn't possibly have killed Windibank.

Van Zieks proceeds to “take a moment to consider the aforementioned Great Detective, Mr. Sholmes” (KEEP THIS LINE IN MIND), and brings up the security cameras (S)Holmes planted at the pawnshop so that he can present a picture of the defendant waving a pistol at the victim. Why didn't he present this evidence immediately instead of asking two shady burglars to testify? Who even knows, man. He's being erratic, just as the judge said. The jurors have seen enough and vote guilty, so it's time for a Summation Examination! Van Zieks poured himself another glass of wine before Ryu even asserted his right to that, because he knew it was coming. He has to stand in silence and so he will drink.

(Juror No 1, aka Mr. Garrideb, proceeds to piss me off by oggling the maid juror. I thought the whole point of this character was that his wife misunderstood and jumped to conclusions; that she's been punishing him wrongfully since he does indeed love her and will stand by her side no matter what, but apparently not.) Some tomfoolery later, we require the prosecution's help to prove stereoscopes are just as cool as wireless telegraphy.

I honestly think it's hilarious that he's meant to stay silent but has broken that rule several times, so now we're taunting him by asking him a direct question during the Examination. So after it's been proven the two criminals moved some stuff around inside the pawnshop, four jurors vote not-guilty and the trial continues. The two witnesses get called back to the stand and---

… Okay. So he definitely is against perjury. He seems to hate it, even. He apparently keeps giving them the evil eye as they testify, intimidating Ringo into telling the truth. But I just can't shake the memory of him feeding a lie to Shamspeare in Memoirs of the Clouded Kokoro. Also, the game very much caught me off guard during this testimony when I presented a piece of evidence which wasn't correct, but instead of leading to a penalty led me to a unique set of dialogue not found when presenting other wrong evidence. That is to say, I presented a picture of Gina holding the sole gun to disprove the testimony that both she and Windibank were wielding guns, which led to:

Isn't that what we often do in these games? Van Zieks clearly hasn't been paying attention. Anyway, the judge points out that so long as I couldn't prove that Gina was still holding the only gun some time later, when Windibank was shot, the evidence wasn't relevant. So I had to present the picture of Windibank's body (not holding a gun) instead. Ryu manages to point out through that picture that the Skulkin brothers were lying and-

OKAY OKAY. I GET IT. Van Zieks hates perjury with a burning passion and Memoirs of the Clouded Kokoro messed up. The trial continues on to the point where Ryu manages to suggest that the Skulkin brothers shot Windibank and Gina then locked the door to save herself. At first Van Zieks is shocked at the notion, but after Ryu details his logic, he just puts his hands down on the desk and chuckles.

This is the first time we see something close to laughter from him, and it's not even really laughter. It's just a malicious, bitter little noise. In fact, we've never seen him smile. He's not even smiling now, as he cackles. That's a stark contrast from other prosecutors, who all smile/smirk as they gloat. Barok's facial expression barely changes at all. Are they building up to something? Anyway, the judge wonders why Van Zieks finds this amusing, as he found the argument quite persuasive himself. Van Zieks pours himself another glass of wine and says:

“But such blatantly malicious conjuring tricks amount to nothing more than inexcusable pettifoggery here. Because you see, it contains a fatal flaw!”

Scumbag points! He then proceeds to imply all the members of the jury are too dimwitted to count (as he flings his chalice). Bullets, that is. There were two bullets found at the crime scene and there were two guns recovered, each having fired one bullet. So if the Skulkin brothers had shot (S)Holmes, they couldn't possibly have shot Windibank as well.

Bye wine bottle, rip person sitting behind him. Van Zieks proceeds to slander Gina for being “far from a law-abiding citizen” and having “a past riddled with criminal misconduct”. To further illustrate his point, he presents a piece of evidence that the defendant attempted to steal the day beforehand, not with the subtlety of a pickpocket but by brute force and brazen impudence. Gregson loses it at this point, shouting out a loud “Hold it!” before losing his nerve and stammering his way through his protest. He mentions that there was a meeting with the prosecution service where it was agreed that piece of evidence wouldn't be used. Ryu is baffled and thinks this:

And now I'm baffled as well, because thinking back on it... Yes, Gregson has talked about Van Zieks before in Investigation segments and has been called in to testify, but as far as I can recall, he hasn't ever addressed Van Zieks directly. Fascinating stuff. Van Zieks says he's unaware of this meeting- probably because he found out Ryu's defending later on and snatched this case up at the last second. Perhaps even took it from the originally-assigned prosecutor with brute force and brazen impudence. Gregson insists that 'the government bigwigs' were very insistent about not using the disc as evidence, to which Van Zieks says:

Good gracious, Van Zieks is a loose cannon! … Or wait, maybe he's a reckless renegade? Or is he perhaps a prosecutor on the edge with nothing to lose? (Alright, put on a pot of coffee- we're gonna get to the bottom of this!) ...Either way, the prosecution thinks it's sufficiently made its case by establishing motive, opportunity and baseness of character.

OY! I thought you don't read third-rate detective stories! But Iris specifically wrote that line into existence, so he must have. Me thinks we've got a closet Adventures of (S)Herlock (S)Holmes fan on our hands, here. The jury buys into his slander, votes guilty, Iris accuses him of being mean and Ryu enters Summation Examination mode a second time.

Oh he knows what he's in for. He knows. Several minutes of talking about bullets later, the topic of (S)Holmes's waist pouch is brought up and Iris wonders whether perhaps the bullet hit one of the glass vials with flammable content. Van Zieks suddenly speaks up with an “If I may...”, catching the startled attention of Ryu in particular.

“I should inform the defence that I have the pouch in question in the antechamber outside the courtroom. As I understand it, when the police arrived on the scene and found Mr Sholmes injured, they removed the pouch in order to assess the wound. Since then, it has been in my safekeeping along with all other evidence relating to the case. I can personally vouch for the fact that it has not been touched since the incident occurred.”

This whole plotline cracks me up with how little sense it makes, considering the position of this pouch on (S)Holmes's outfit. But I'm not here to criticize plot-convenience of evidence, so let's move on and look at what's actually happening here. The defense is discussing possibilities with the jurors in hopes of changing their minds towards a not-guilty and instead of keeping silent, as he's supposed to during this moment, Van Zieks actively speaks up to admit he has a piece of evidence which may be of assistance. It's entirely possible that the pouch would have all three vials intact and thereby dismiss the theory that the bullet hit one of them, but... Regardless of whether he remembers seeing a broken vial with his own eyes, he's taking a risk by showing the pouch. He could've played by the Summation Examination rules, kept his mouth shut and then later when it comes out he had the pouch all along, just remind everyone he wasn't allowed to speak. That's what most prosecutors would've done. Naturally, it's revealed there was indeed a broken vial and some scorched leather, and even closer examination reveals a third bullet we can present to the jurors.

Scumbag point! So with all the confusion on the third bullet and the implication of there being a third gun, the judge does something pretty extraordinary. He doesn't wait for the jurors to change their leaning and instead actually suspends the Summation Examination until the matter is cleared up. This implies any judge has the power to overrule juror leanings, at the very least during Summation Examination, when they feel the case presented by the counsels is lacking important details. Anyway, closing argument on hold for now and the Skulkins return to the stand. Barok looks them straight in the eyes with his usual evil eye and asks them whether the third gun is one of theirs. When that's denied, he asks whether they had an accomplice, which is also denied. And it's kind of funny, because only a few minutes later when Ryu implies they had an accomplice, we get this line:

“Yet in all that time, there has been not a murmur of a third man. If this apparently wraithlike being exists...” pause for chalice crush... “The court must be shown hard evidence!”

But Van Zieks was the one who questioned the Skulkins about an accomplice earlier, so... Indeed, we don't have evidence, but the murmur was definitely already there. So now the prosecution wants two things: evidence there was a third person on the scene and their identity. The game prompts two options: Either present an answer to the prosecution's demands or, y'know, don't. Naturally I chose the latter option to see what happens and it goes about as well as you'd expect. Ryu stutters and trails off, Van Zieks notes the defense is unable to complete a sentence, let alone provide credible answers... Iris takes the place of Susato in telling Ryu off for faltering, so Ryu desperately tries to catch himself and push his argument. Van Zieks says: “So, my Nipponese friend, despite the swimming eyes you seem to think you have something to say...”

PENALTY FROM THE PROSECUTION, oh how I've missed you. Loading up the savegame and choosing the first option actually also leads to the exact same line of “so, my Nipponese friend, despite the swimming eyes you seem to think you have something to say...”, just with a slightly different posture and followed up with the words “this promises to be interesting.” Ryu presents the blood sample on the calendar once more and as I said before, the court acts as if they've never seen this picture before. Hilarious. Van Zieks asks why the blood is depicted as green and Ryu explains it's because of a new chemical (S)Holmes invented. The green blood is then linked to Eggert Benedict through the music disc. The court gets very excited, but much like the skin prints in case 2-2, this isn't admissible evidence. Van Zieks says “this has gone on long enough now. This flagrant ignorance of the mechanics of law.”

“The protagonist in a series of short stories for the vulgar classes. A god of detection or some such. And now you employ chemical substances devised by this fantastical persona in the highest court in the land? Do you expect us to take you seriously? The samples made by this plaything are not fit to be called evidence.”

These lines! I had a quick look at both Scarlet Study's and Taisa's scripts, and there Van Zieks outright accuses (S)Holmes of being a fictional character. He doesn't actually diss the stories themselves though, nor is there anything similar to that plaything line. He only says the chemical itself is 'rubbish'. What ultimately kills me is the “Yes, I’ve heard the name” as if this is the first time it’s being uttered in the courtroom. Let's be merciful here and take case 2-2 out of the equation. Yes, (S)Holmes is mentioned several times there, they establish the two have some sort of history and he even enters the courtroom at one point to address Van Zieks directly, but that case was developed after this one so accidental retcon is bound to happen. No, let's look solely at the cases in the first game. (S)Holmes has been mentioned several times throughout the course of this trial, even by Van Zieks himself. Even better, Van Zieks was the one to present photographs taken by one of (S)Holmes's playthings earlier on. OOPS.

Ryu enters despair mode because there really is no way to prove that the color green is unique to Eggert Benedict, nor would it be accepted as evidence to begin with. But that's okay, because much like the skin prints in 2-2, it was never about having it filed as official evidence. It was about influencing the jury and as Iris so smartly points out, the Summation Examination was suspended earlier. This means that technically, it's still going on. It doesn't matter what the prosecution or the judge thinks of (S)Holmes's invention, it only matters what the jurors think, as they now have the power to force the trial to continue. Naturally, the majority votes not-guilty. Van Zieks objects rather ferociously. “My lord, with all due respect, this is an outrage! The prosecution refuses to accept this decision!” (heehee, I really enjoy these lines. With all due respect, indeed.) The judge asks on what grounds the prosecution is objecting, and Van Zieks says:

“Then they are too ignorant to be trusted with the judgement of anyone's guilt!”

Gosh, he really doesn't enjoy how 'gullible' the jurors are, does he? Or rather, he gets frustrated when the jurors begin to think for themselves instead of taking the prosecution's word for it. The judge sets Van Zieks straight by basically reminding him that this is how the court works.

It is so satisfying to watch him squirm. Van Zieks wants us to play by the court's rules, so we're playing by the court's rules and now he's got no more comebacks. This is it folks, we're subpoena-ing Egg Benedict! He does indeed show up to court after a brief intermission and reveals his true name to be Ashley Graydon. Graydon expresses haughty dismay that the highest court of the land was swayed by some self-professed detective's homemade tincture. Van Zieks tells him it was the will of the jury, and their great British justice system demands that the jury's will is upheld. Graydon calls the jury members inept, as Van Zieks has done many times before, but agrees to testify. Ryu attempts to needle this guy several times by asserting he was definitely at the crime scene, but indeed, the blood sample doesn't count as evidence and Ryu doesn't really have anything else to back him up. Van Zieks oh-so-kindly reminds him that the obligation to prove the defense's assertion lies with, well, the defense. Eventually we do get there and Graydon starts making up some bullshit story about how he met McGilded in a gentlemen's club and bonded with him over unique music box music, so that's what that disc was. Van Zieks points out that Yard have indeed been gathering items believed to have been McGilded's property, presumably to aid their investigations. Gregson once again loses his composure here and tries to shut the conversation down.

Gregson and Van Zieks continue to banter back and forth about how Gregson is definitely not allowed to talk about these things and Van Zieks should also know better than to pry. Even Ryu thinks it's strange the two of them are bickering like that. Anyway, we're not allowed to discuss the McGilded stuff, so back to Graydon and his breaking and entering! Van Zieks asserts that if the police confiscated the disc beforehand and Graydon saw this happen, there was no reason for him to break into the pawnshop anymore.

Oooh, that's some tasty triumph over Van Zieks's ignorance! Ryu brings up the second item pawned by McGilded, a 'small box'. Van Zieks insists that no such thing was stolen from the pawnshop and he can prove it, since he has a picture of the shelves from before the break-in and one from after the break-in. You know, the pictures taken by that idiot detective's silly little plaything! Through the magic of stereoscopes (or the 3D Slider in the 3DS version), Ryu can see that a small box was moved.

It's absolutely hilarious that most of the court has to go cross-eyed to do the stereoscope thing and then there's Van Zieks, with a fancy stereoscope device that he just happened to have with him in a trial he couldn't possibly predict would require a stereoscope. He's so extra! Ryu asserts that if the box was moved, they have to raise the question of what was inside it and send the Yard to retrieve that thing at once. Van Zieks objects, saying that “some little box belonging to a man who died two months ago can't possibly be relevant to this trial.” The judge doesn't see it his way, though, and overrules his objection. Nice! So officers are dispatched to Baker Street to fetch the box and Van Zieks grumbles to himself about being hoodwinked by a farce.

The judge once again doesn't take kindly to Van Zieks's attitude problems and I love this. I can't wait for the prosecution to be penalized, because it feels like it's right around the corner here. Van Zieks elaborates that this whole thing is nothing but a smoke screen; a Nipponese specialty. Scumbag points for this one! I can't entirely connect this to Professor foreshadowing, I think it's just him being petty. Either way, he's going to jump through hoops now. Mere minutes ago he established that the Yard is still investigating McGilded's stuff and the 'aftermath' of his activities, but he's flipping it all over now. He begins to talk about how McGilded died two months ago, immediately after the trial in which he was found not-guilty.

“So I propose a toast. To my learned friend, and his most... insightful defense.”

So the logic being used here now is that McGilded was a fine, upstanding citizen and anything he pawned was truly innocent/ordinary, so why would someone want to steal it? The only way to prove that there's more to these items than might be apparent would be for Ryu to reveal that the acquittal was a mistake and the defense's argument was based on false information. They all suspected this two months ago, though. It was made abundantly clear that the only reason McGilded walked free was because nobody could say for certain whether the evidence was tampered with. Either way, Ryu's cornered now and wondering to himself whether Van Zieks knows the items in question are related to the omnibus murder. He probably does. He has access to the evidence, which means he has access to to the pawn tickets which hold some very specific dates on them.

The game gives Ryu an option whether or not to have Gina testify about what happened two months ago, but this option isn't real. If you choose 'leave it', Ryu still decides within two lines of dialogue that they have to uncover the truth. There's no penalty for stalling. So Ryu calls for Gina to testify and Van Zieks definitely knows what's up.

“In particular, the impact it will have on the accused's standing... And indeed your own.”

So this is a warning, clear and simple. Van Zieks knows shit will hit the fan. Or, as he later phrases it, it will bring the court down around Ryu's ears. But Ryu insists upon the testimony, the prosecution agrees and Gina is put on the stand. The judge tells Graydon he can step down, Graydon promptly sees this as an excuse to leave and bids them all a good day, but Van Zieks tells him to wait.

Oh, this... I like this. By now, Van Zieks has caught on to Ryu's little trick of watching the reactions from other witnesses during testimonies. He's purposely making Graydon stand there and listen to Gina's testimony just in case he reacts in such an overdramatic way, Ryu can pursue it. Iiinteresting! Now it seems as if he's on our side, but we're not quite there yet. Before Gina can begin her testimony, Van Zieks reminds her that if it turns out she willfully withheld information two months ago, she'll be prosecuted for perjury. That's just an intimidation technique to get her not to reveal what she withheld. … Which is weird, because you'd think Van Zieks would want her to spill those beans. Either way, with some encouragement from Ryu and Iris, Gina begins to talk about the lies she told. Aaand we're ending the essay here for now, because we're only about halfway into this disaster of a trial and the plot will only thicken from here on out. Stay tuned for part 2 of The Unspeakable Story!

[adultswim2021]

Ephemera Week (2002)

Mission Hill (originally aired on WB, 1999-2000)

Mission Hill was a perfectly good animated series from former Simpsons show-runners Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein. It was a sitcom about cool young people in a cool young people city. Andy French is an aspiring cartoonist, intended to be a Matt Groening type who would (over the course of many many seasons) eventually find success and get his own super-successful animated series called THE SIMPSONS: SEASONS 1-8.

The premise of the show was that Andy’s parents retire and sell the childhood home, displacing his nerdy high-school aged younger brother Kevin. Kevin moves in with Andy and learns how to be a cool city style guy, you know, the kind that’s always “walkin here!” and sucking off Bob Balaban in the men’s room and whatnot.

The show is at least better than the bad seasons of the Simpsons, and has a cool alt-comics style that suits the show really well. Not to damn it with faint praise, it’s a good show. There are a handful of GREAT episodes and plenty of strong jokes. There's news of a revival in the works focusing on Gus and Wally, the older gay couple in the show. It's supposed to take place in the same era the show originally aired in, which is just great.

Like Baby Blues and Home Movies before it, I did catch this show randomly on it's network of origin. I saw one or two of the final episodes to air on WB. I liked it! I was glad to see it get revived for a run on Adult Swim. I've wanted more episodes ever since.

I don't think the show is available for streaming anywhere, which is too bad. It came out on DVD with special features. That DVD set was reissued on DVD-R without special features, so... buyer? be wary. There's also a number of music replacements that ruin some of the scenes. At one point I had a bootleg set where somebody took the DVD video and replaced the audio with the as-broadcast version of of the show. Good luck finding it.

Here's an episode guide showing their debuts on Adult Swim. Bold episodes were originally unaired, making their debut on the channel. Also note: episodes had an innocuous title and a spicier in-house title in parentheses. It’s real Police Squad! shit.

12AM Monday Morning:

May 20: Pilot (or The Douchebag Aspect) May 27: Andy Joins the PTA (or Great Sexpectations) June 3: Kevin's Problem (or Porno for Pyro) June 10: Andy vs. The Real World (or The Big-Ass Viacom Lawsuit) June 17: Andy and Kevin Make a Friend (or One Bang for Two Brothers) June 24: Andy Gets a Promotion (or How to Get Head in Business Without Really Trying) July 1: Kevin vs. the SAT (or Nocturnal Admissions) July 8: Unemployment Part 1 (or Brother's Big Boner) July 15: Unemployment Part 2 (or Theory of the Leisure Ass) July 22: Kevin Finds Love (or Hot for Weirdie) July 29: Stories of Hope and Forgiveness (or Day of the Jackass)

11PM Sunday Night:

August 4: Happy Birthday, Kevin (or Happy Birthday, Douchebag) August 11: Plan 9 from Mission Hill (or I Married a Gay Man from Outer Space)

ALSO NOTE: There are about five episodes that were in early-stages of production and if you poke around you can find scripts for these episodes ( here as of this writing). A full animatic and table read for “Crap Gets In Your Eyes” exists if you search for it. 

MAIL BAG

London Arbuckle ASKS! or, states! sorry I’m writing this lead-in without having read the whole message yet.

Another confusing Baffler Meal thing: the deleted cold open that's on the DVD. It gets called back to in the actual episode ("Between two steamed buns", "Nine dollars!? For what?") and provides crucial context, BUT it also gets contradicted in the actual episode (SG sells out for "one serious speaker" instead of owing a restaurant money). Also I remember all the ads for this episode used a clip from the cold open! It always kinda bothered me that they cut it but boys (matt & dave) will be boys!

I do think the cold open is nice and I always make a point to watch it with the episode. In my mind they are as essential as watching that boring Terry Gilliam short before Meaning of Life. The next step is pointlessly editing them together using Nero. Yeah, that’s the ticket

Here’s ANONYMOUS, baby!

It's summertime and we are talking about Adult Swim and I gotta ask when's the last time you've been to a pool. Have you ever in your adult life enjoyed the benefits of an adult swim. Tell us just how much you like splash around. Yes, that would be quite illuminating I'm sure (rolleyes).

Man, when was the last time I went into a pool? It’s been literally years. I think the last time I swam I did a bad job. I am definitely am getting “bad job” vibes off my hazy memories. Man, my memories used to be precious. Damn!

do you think theyll ever work with george lowe again in any major capacity or do you think he's just bad news.

I was about to say “isn’t he on American Dad” based on him name-checking American Dad as one of his many credits but I just looked it up and he was only in one episode. Damn. Somebody give George work he seems nice.

beakman's world, anyone? The wild and wacky world of Paul Zaloom? Hmm? Anyone?

lol you wish...

Baby Blues really was my everything back in the early 2000s, it may not have head the punk rock cred you clearly seem to crave it was a soothing balm for myself as a new father in a scary world (9/11 and all that, terrible stuff).

you raise a good point, that you’re a huge dork “with child” and I’m cool and laughed at 9/11 because it was funny to me, actually

Just read your Baby Blues "take down" and I gotta say: In the immortal words of Mike Francesca, "You're a fool. ho-kay? A total fool."

Uh huh. Yeah okay. Mike Francesca hordes pot bellied pigs in his apartment and lives in filth. He stinks, and so do youd

Baby Blue is like every animation nerd's wet dream. What if they made the rugrats with only the parents part. And here it is. Be careful what you wish for, chunky.

Yeah and it’s too bad because judging from the previous mail bags my audience is primarily made up of BABIES.

[duckiee-the-ducky]

Scent: Errorink Fanfic

original “Scent” by @lemonadebytrade

Key: (M)=Mind (W)=Whisper (G)=Grumble/Growl (S)=Shout

Error closed his eyes taking in the wonderful scent.

He never smelt anything like it. The smell warmed his body and provided him with extra comfort. Error loved the smell of Ink. For multiple reasons, actually;

It reminded him of all his good memories.

He always wanted to be around it. 

It told many great stories.

Comforted him in his weakest times.

It also meant, Ink was there.

Ink looked at Error and gave a small smile.

Ink: Comfy?

Error opened his eyes and realized what position he was in.

Error: Uh... yeah..?

Ink chuckled. He thought Error was very cute when he was being shy, even though they’re married.

Ink: Really? You don’t sound too sure of yourself-

(S)Error: -I am sure! ...Uh...

Error blushed and looked away. Ink couldn’t help but smile.

Ink: Wanna get something to eat before we hit the hay?

Error’s soul ached with hunger. He, very much so, wanted food, but he also didn’t want to move. He didn’t want the sensation to end so quickly. Error did not respond, but tightened his grip on Ink.

Ink: Error? You okay?

Error nodded, still not willing to respond with speech. Ink patted Error’s head.

Ink: You know, you can do this while we’re going to sleep. We sleep in the same bed, silly.

Error blushed, embarrassed. He didn’t think of that. He slowly let go and sat up straight. Ink could see his face clearly now. Error was still blushing, but he was pouting too.

Ink: Just so you know, you look adorable when you pout-

Error: SHUT UP!

Error was flustered.

The skeletons went to the kitchen and started making sandwiches. They were easy to make. Error started spreading mayonnaise on Ink’s sandwich. Ink left to go get something. Error didn’t like that. 

(M) Error: Ink just got home after a long trip and now he’s gone again...

He really missed Ink. Error didn’t ever want him to leave again, but here we are. 

Error sometimes thought, in the depressing, dark depths of his mind, that Ink wasn’t happy with him. That Ink didn’t love him anymore. That’s why he left. It hurt Error to think about it, so he pushed it back farther. 

He noticed he was shaking... and sweaty. He quickly put the half-made sandwich down and hurried to the bathroom.

Ink rummaged through his belongings looking for the present he got for his sweet Error. 

Ink: Mn.. where... is ... it?!

He couldn’t find it.

Ink was crestfallen. Where did he put it? Error was waiting on him, he had to find it! Ink continued to rummage through his stuff once more. 

Ink hit something in the very bottom of his bag; this was it. He found it! He pulled the gift up to the surface. A cloth. Just a cloth. 

Ink was excited to give this to Error. 

He rushed out of the room and into the kitchen. A half-made sandwich was on the table.

Ink: Error?

No response.

Ink walked back to the living room. He wasn’t there.

The bedroom. Not there either.

He came to the bathroom door. He tried turning the knob, it was locked.

Ink: Error? Are you in there?

Error froze. He quickly wiped the tears from his eye sockets. His voice was shaky. 

Error: Y-yes. I-I’m fine.

Ink could hear the sadness in his voice. He became serious.

Ink: Open the door Error.

Error didn’t want to open the door. His face was still wet from tears and he didn’t want to look at Ink right now. The disgusting thought hurt too much.

Ink: Open the door or I’ll come in myself.

Error knew disaster would happen if he didn’t open the door now. He dried his face as much as possible and opened the door slowly. The creaking of the door made him dread it even more. hey that rhymed 

Ink and Error stood face to face with one another. It was painful for both of them.

Ink didn’t like seeing Error sad.

Error was on the brink of crying again.

Ink’s face softened.

Ink: Error, what’s wrong?

He gently put his hands on Error’s arms. Error pushed them away. It felt as if Error shot string right through his soul, maybe even worse than that.

Ink: Wait... Are you mad at me? Please tell me what I did wrong! I’ll make it up to you! ...Error?

Hot tears were streaming down Error’s face. He couldn’t hold back anymore.

(W) Error: I-Ink..? Do...D-Do you still love me..?

Ink was dumbfounded at the question. He cupped his hands around Error’s face.

Ink: Why would you ask that? You know the answer!

Error tried to pull it together but, it was just too hard. He continued to hiccup and sniff.

Error: I-I... I feel like... like you l-left because of m-me...

It felt as if another string pierced through Ink’s soul. Why did Error feel this way..?

Ink pulled Error into a big hug. Error wrapped his arms around Ink’s neck. 

(W)Ink: Error... I would never leave because of you... I love you so much and don’t you ever think otherwise! Now... just... let it out, okay?

Error stood there for a moment taking in the wonderful scent again. He remembered the first time he met Ink.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was rainy day. It was the very first day of middle school. Error was walking in wet shoes and wearing nothing but his hoodie and shorts. Error sighed.

(G)Error: What a great way to start off middle school...

(S)???: Hey!! Wait up!!

Error turned his head around to see a skeleton, with a colorful umbrella, splashing through the puddles towards him.

Error: Ugh...

Error walked faster, but the skeleton caught up with him anyways.

Error: What do you want, weirdo?

???: I was wondering if you want to share my umbrella? My name’s Ink by the way. What’s yours?

Error stared at Ink in annoyance.

Error: Noneya.

Ink: Noneya?

Error: None-ya-business.

Ink stared at Error for a moment. He busted out laughing. Error rolled his eye lights and continued to walk. Ink wiped a fake-tear away.

Ink: I like you, you’re funny. Wanna be friends, Noneya?

Error glared at Ink.

Error: Not even in another lifetime.

He continued walking. Ink walked with him.

(S)Error: Would you go away already?!

Ink looked shocked at Error. He then looked at his feet and let Error walk ahead.

(M)Error: Ugh, finally. That idiot is leaving me alo-

Error slipped on a puddle and fell face first onto the ground. After that, it mostly just darkness.

Error slowly opened his eyes. Pain pierced through his skull. 

Error: Ugh... ow...

Ink: Oh! You’re awake! Thank goodness.

Error froze.

(M)Error: That voice... oh no...

He looked to where the voice came from. Just as he thought; It was Ink. Error slouched down in the nurse bed.

Ink: How are you feeling?

Error didn’t respond.

Ink looked at him for a moment. 

Ink: I... was gonna wait to ask you this, but... do you remember me?

Error looked at Ink, confused.

Error: I’m pretty sure I would remember an idiot like you.

Ink sighed.

Ink: I guess you don’t, huh? Well... maybe this will jog your memory?

Ink pulled out a folded up piece of paper. He unfolded it and it had a picture of two people holding hands in the center. One of them looked kinda like Error, and the other looked like...

Error: Squid..?

Ink gleamed with happiness.

Ink: You do remember! Haha! I missed you, Glitchy.

Error’s eyes grew wide. He hadn’t seen him in 7 years. They went to the same daycare when they were 4. Ink was his best friend.

Error sat up and hugged him. The vaguely familiar scent of his 4-year-old best friend came back to him. It warmed his soul.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Error was crying again, but smiling too.

Ink: Let’s go sit down, okay, Ruru?

Ink gave a soft smile.

Error: Heh heh, okay, Kiky.

They walked to there bedroom, hand in hand, completely forgetting about dinner. Ink sat Error down on the bed.

Ink: I have something for you.

Ink cupped his hands around Error’s face and wiped his tears away with his thumbs. Error loved it when he did that.

Error: Okay...

Ink pulled out the cloth.

Ink: Here.

He handed it to Error.

Error: A cloth..? Are you serious?

Error looked at Ink and cocked an eyebrow.

Ink: Yes. Turn it over.

Error turned the cloth over and on the back it read; My love for you will always be by your side. Hold onto me forever, until we die together. -Kiky

Error read it over and over again.

Ink: This may sound a bit weird but, smell it.

Error glanced at Ink, then back at the cloth. He held it up to his nose and sniffed it. It smelled just like Ink. Error quickly looked back at Ink.

Error: It smells like... 

Ink: Me. Now you’ll have a piece of me wherever you go... and you can give me my sweater back.

Error wrapped his arms around Ink again.

Error: I love it... Thank you, Kiky... I love you...

Ink embraced him back.

Ink: I love you too, Ruru...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The End

~for now!~

For @lemonadebytrade:

Thank you so much for inspiring me to write this fanfiction! Since you do such a good job on all of yours, I decided to make a sequel to my favorite short story, Scent. I wanted to add a little bit of that Error sadness because I feel like Error would feel that way. I also decided to add a flashback because you added a flashback- double flashback?? whatttttt?? Also, their first meeting in the daycare was sorta based off of Momma CQ because Ink and Error first met at a daycare there too. I really hope you like it. I didn’t want to put too much romance-romance because there are real problems in a real marriage in real life. You portrayed that well in the original too. While I was writing this, 90% of the time I was saying “Poor Lil’ Error-”  ;-; Errorink might be the death of me OTL ciao~

[ggukcangetit]

Dreamcatchers Chap 1

Pairing: jungkook x oc

Summary: DI Jeon didn’t need a new partner. Unfortunately, his superiors felt otherwise; especially considering the extremely high-profile murder that had just taken place in the port city. Recent transfer, DI Choi Yuri finds herself confronted with a new cityscape, unfamiliar people, a hostile partner, and a homicide that is certain to bring back unpleasant memories.  

Genre/AU: fluff/action/mystery | detective! au | police!jungkook, police!oc

Word Count: 3.1k

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: mentions of violence, alcohol, blood, drugs, death. basically stuff you’d associate with a murder mystery/crime drama.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Acknowledgement: shoutout to @stutterfly​ for designing this beautiful banner which i am completely in love with and stare at for no particular reason throughout the day

A/N: here’s the first chapter! i had originally planned on posting the entire story as one post but it’s way too long so i’m breaking it up into multiple chapters. the story features a named oc because i’m still very unfamiliar with writing second person reader inserts. i’m not aiming for strict accuracy in this story, and all criminal investigation/forensics knowledge i have has been gathered by watching crime drama/procedural dramas! my knowledge of geography is also not totally accurate so apologies for that. once again, one thing right by @hobios​ prompted me to write a police inspector! jungkook story. would highly recommend reading that because it’s probably one of my most favorite pieces of writing!

16th December

Mornings began early in the Yeongdo district of Busan. Yuri realised this on her first morning in town, as her fitful sleep was broken around 5 in the morning. Perhaps the quiet bustle at the crack of dawn shouldn’t have surprised her too much, given how this was primarily a seaside town with a small port. Her work did not require her to arrive before 8 am so she decided to talk a stroll around the town, acquaint herself with some of the shops and people, and perhaps even grab a bite to eat.

Yuri’s best friend from high school - Kim Ahreum, lived in this town, and this was one of the few reasons why Yuri hadn’t protested violently against her transfer. That, and she hadn’t been given much of a choice from her superiors. Ahreum had texted her excitedly about how beautiful the sea port of Yeongdo was - full of beautiful parks, quirky shops, exquisite food, and fascinating people. Coming from Seoul, Yuri wondered how difficult it would be for her to adjust to a world that sounded so different from the one she was coming from. Ahreum herself was a doctor in training, while her older brother - Namjoon, was in his final year of graduate school, just a few months away from his second law degree. Yuri didn’t remember much of Namjoon as he had left for college by the time she and Ahreum had become friends in their second year of high school. Her limited memory told her that he was very well read, quiet, and taller than the most other boys in school. 

“Hey! I haven’t seen you around before.” 

Yuri looked around for the owner of the voice - a little girl with two tight pigtails, a bright red dress, and a look of suspicion and curiosity lining her face. The woman beside her - presumably her mother - looked appalled at the little girl’s statement and shushed her before apologising to Yuri.

“I’m so sorry, miss,” she said, bowing deeply. “Nayeong here doesn’t really know how to talk to elders!”

“That’s alright,” replied Yuri, returning the bow. She squatted down in front of Nayeong and looked straight into her eyes. “Hello, my name is Choi Yuri. I moved here yesterday. It’s nice to meet you, and I hope we can be friends.”

The little girl seemed to hesitate in her desire to outcast this stranger who had seemingly no qualms about being truthful and friendly. Yuri could see the indecisiveness flitting through her features and decided to try a different tactic.

“I’m quite hungry but since I don’t know any of the shops over here, I was wondering if you could tell me where I could get some fresh bread and pastries.”

At these words, Nayeong’s eyes lit up and any indecision she previously held disappeared. She grabbed hold of Yuri’s hand and her mother’s, pulling them along in the direction of the town’s center. A few minutes later, they came to a halt outside a cozy looking shop.

“‘The Moon’s Post Office’?” Yuri read the sign out loud, intrigued by the name.

“Seokjin oppa makes the best pastries in the world! Eomma, tell her!” Nayeong exclaimed, looking at her mother excitedly. 

“Alright, alright,” her mother laughed. “Yes, Nayeong is right. Seokjin does make incredible pastries, breads, and desserts. It’s almost impossible to stop this one from visiting the shop every day.”

“Well then, I guess I’ll just have to go in and find out. Would you like to join me, Nayeong?” asked Yuri. She glanced at the older woman once, to make sure this request wasn’t out of line.

“Can I, Eomma?” asked Nayeong, excitedly.

“Of course! It’s always a good thing to help others out.” Nayeong squealed happily at her mother’s response and rushed inside.

“I’m Lim Seora, it’s nice to meet you,” said the older woman, once her daughter was inside.

“Choi Yuri,” Yuri responded, bowing deeply. “Thank you for accompanying me here.”

Once inside, Yuri felt her senses getting assaulted by a plethora of soft, sweet, refreshing smells. Nayeong was already at the counter, talking to someone about the different things she wanted. Yuri felt her throat go dry as she glanced at the person behind the counter. She had rarely seen anyone as handsome as the young man currently talking to Nayeong. His thick black hair kept falling over his forehead which he tried to remove with a gentle shake of his head, his plump pink lips pressed together in amusement as an oversized black and red cardigan hung off his rather broad shoulders. 

“So that’s three blueberry scones, one orange muffin, and a bag of peanut butter cookies?” asked the young man, to which Nayeong nodded enthusiastically.

“Anything else?” he asked.

“I’ve brought a friend with me today. She’s hungry so can you make something tasty for her, Oppa?” responded Nayeong, pulling Yuri forward.

“Is that right? Hello, I don’t think we’ve met,” he said with a soft smile. “Kim Seokjin, I run this bakery.”

“Nice to meet you,” replied Yuri, bowing in greeting. “I’m Choi Yuri, I moved here yesterday.”

“Nice to meet you too! May I recommend the Snow Croissant?” said Seokjin, sweeping his hand dramatically over the display case.

“The ‘Snow Croissant’? What’s that?” asked Yuri, chuckling at his enthusiasm. 

“It’s my take on the New Orleans Beignet and the French Croissant,” he replied, bringing out a golden flaky croissant dusted with powdered sugar. 

Yuri took a bite of the pastry and gasped in surprise. The light crunch of the savoury croissant blended beautifully with the soft sweetness of the sugar dust, along with-

“A hint of lemon?” wondered Yuri, biting into the pastry absentmindedly. 

“That’s fantastic! Not many people have been able to detect the subtle lemon flavour infused into the pastry dough,” replied Seokjin, looking extremely pleased. “Would you like anything else?”

“A coffee, please,” said Yuri, throwing the paper plate into the nearby dustbin. “To-go. And how much do I owe you?”

“It’s on the house,” replied Seokjin, with a wink. “Consider it a welcome present. Hope to see you around!”

“Oh…” Yuri flushed slightly at his generosity, but accepted it nonetheless. The clock inside the bakery chimed seven times, indicating that she had spent close to an hour with her new acquaintances. 

“I should get going,” she said, taking the coffee cup from the counter. “Don’t want to be late on my first day of work. It was nice meeting you all. I hope we meet again, Nayeong!”

xxx

“You can’t be serious! Why the hell are you doing this?!”

Chief Inspector Goh pinched the bridge of his nose as he watched one of his best officers fly off the handle. 3 years into the force Detective Inspector Jeon had proven himself to be smart, capable, and extremely reliable. The only problem was a recent case which had slowly come to take over his life. Which was why, when Chief Inspector Goh had called him into the office to tell him that they were closing the case, DI Jeon had taken it a little too hard.

“Jeon, you are, first and foremost, a homicide detective. Granted that this disappearance was linked to a homicide you were investigating, but you need to let it go. There are other, more pressing, cases that require your attention. We need you back on the force full time. Let Lee handle the disappearance - it's his department. For now, I’m assigning you a new partner to work with. Especially-”

A knock on the door interrupted Chief Inspector Goh, followed by the entrance of an unfamiliar face. 

“Right on time! That’s the kind of dedication we’re looking for over here,” said Goh with an appreciative nod. “Jeon, meet your new partner - Detective Inspector Choi Yuri. She’s just transferred here from Seoul. DI Choi, this is Detective Inspector Jeon Jeongguk - he’s one of our best men.”

DI Jeon scowled as he surveyed his new partner. She was tall, dressed in a plain shirt and slacks, her short hair tucked behind her ears. She gave him a small smile and bowed in greeting. In response, DI Jeon stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

“I apologise on behalf of him,” said Chief Inspector Goh. “He isn’t usually this impolite. Really glad to have you join our team, DI Choi. You’ve had quite a number of impressive cases in Seoul, and we hope that you can continue working hard with all of us here.”

“Thank you, Chief Inspector. I will do my best,” said Yuri, with a small smile.

“Glad to hear that. Now,” he said, pulling out a thin case file from under a large stack of paperwork. “I need the two of you to head over to Manor House right now. Some officers are already at the scene, along with the forensics team. The body was found early this morning.”

“Have they identified the victim?” asked Yuri, checking how far Manor House was on her phone.

“Hmm. Kang Eunwoo, son of Kang Kiwoo, who owns the largest chain of hotels in Busan. So you can understand the situation.”

Yuri gulped softly, tucking her phone away and nodding her head slowly.

xxx

The entire ride to the crime scene was silent. Not the pleasant or comfortable kind of silence Yuri had always preferred over meaningless small talk. No, this was the stiff, suffocating silence that made her want to pitch herself out the car window. She was currently regretting not having driven to work - although she was still a bit exhausted from the nearly 5 hour drive from Seoul the previous night.

She didn’t know what to make of her new partner. When she was working in Seoul, her partner had been a 43 year old woman named Hwayoung. She was separated from her husband with whom she shared joint custody of their three kids, only drank low sugar milk tea, and talked a mile a minute while on the job. Some might have found Hwayoung a tad irritating, but Yuri had found a caring older sister in the ruthless and chaotic world of criminal investigation in the country’s capital. DI Jeon, in comparison, had yet to speak a word to her. The couple of routine questions she had asked him about the exact location and identity of the victim were met with heated silence. 

The Kangs were incredibly wealthy - the type that could buy your family business in an instant and then gift it back to you without incurring any loss. The lavish mansion reeked of money, luxury, and carelessness that only accompanied an abundance of liquid cash. The victim had been found in the private meeting room on the ground floor. Being an extremely high profile case, there were already reporters trying to get a good picture from outside the mansion itself.

“Cause of death?” asked DI Jeon, kneeling down to get a better look at the body.

“Blunt force trauma to the back of the head. Death would’ve been instantaneous,” said the forensic doctor, removing her gloves and stuffing them into her coat pocket. She turned towards Yuri and gave her a small smile. “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Dr. Ahn Seulgi. I head the forensics team at the precinct.”

“Choi Yuri,” replied Yuri, bowing slightly. “I’m DI Jeon’s new partner.”

“Is today your first day at work?” asked Seulgi, with a surprised expression.

“Yeah, I just got transferred from Se-”

“DI Choi, need I remind you that there’s a body lying here?” snapped DI Jeon. “It would be better if you socialize on your own time.”

Yuri was taken aback by the anger in his tone. Even though she had worked in homicide for nearly 5 years now, her colleagues had always been polite and friendly with her. She didn’t really know how to respond to her new partner’s accusations.

“Calm down, DI Jeon,” said Seulgi, a frown settling on her forehead. “This isn’t socializing - we’re coworkers and it's impolite to not introduce yourself to each other.”

DI Jeon didn’t say anything more after that, but Yuri could feel the anger radiating off him. She was grateful to Seulgi for sticking up for her, but it didn’t look like she was going to have an easy time working with Jeon. 

“Detective Inspector,” said another officer, approaching DI Jeon with a notepad. “I’ve just spoken to the staff. It seems there was a big party here last night. The victim had invited around 10-12 of his friends and they stayed till just before midnight.”

“Thanks, Jisoo. Ask Suho to get statements from all those who were present at the party last night. As well as where they went afterwards.”

“I will,” replied Jisoo, with a nod. “Mr. Kang is waiting for you in his office.”

Kang Kiwoo didn’t look like a seasoned businessman who had a 26 year old son. His face was young and his smile was extremely attractive, but, Yuri noticed, it didn’t reach his eyes. In fact, there was something inscrutable in his dark brown irises that disturbed her more than she liked to admit. Yuri had come to realise that a person’s eyes were the first to betray their true nature; and Mr. Kang’s eyes were almost vacant.

“My condolences, Mr. Kang,” began DI Jeon. “Please rest assured that we will do everything in our power to catch whoever is responsible for this.”

“Thank you, DI Jeon,” replied Mr. Kang with a smile. “I’m feeling reassured knowing that you are handling my son’s case. And you are?”

Yuri bowed once again and introduced herself. “DI Choi Yuri. I will also be working on your son’s case with DI Jeon.”

“Well then, how can I be of assistance? DI Jeon? DI Choi?”

“Could you please tell us more about the party that took place last night?” asked DI Jeon, not giving Yuri a chance to say anything. He had already sat down on one of the chairs, and Yuri decided that she would rather remain standing.

Mr. Kang frowned for the first time since the beginning of the meeting. “My son likes to- I’m sorry. Eunwoo liked to party quite a lot. I wasn’t fond of his lifestyle and I had told him of my views many times before. This isn’t the first time that he’s taken over an entire floor of our mansion to ‘entertain’ his friends.”

“You argued with your son last night,” continued DI Jeon, consulting the notes Jisoo had given him. “What was that about?”

“If you know that we argued, I’m sure you know what we argued about.” 

“In your own words, if you will,” said DI Jeon, a forced smile gracing his features.  

“I lost the use of my legs almost 3 years ago,” said Mr. Kang, leaning forward on his desk. “I expected my son to take over the company by the time he was 28. However, he didn’t seem in the least bit inclined to take any responsibility whatsoever. So last night, I told him I would disinherit him.”

“And how did he take that news?”

“I’m quite certain you’re not asking me to elaborate on the type of language my son used last night,” said Mr. Kang, with a slight smirk. “Because I’d prefer not to.”

DI Jeon stared at the man across from him who was proving to be much more difficult than expected. “Can you tell us what your movements were for the rest of the night?”

“I was in here, finishing some paperwork, until the party got over. I said goodnight to my son and retired for the night at around half past 12.”

“How did your son seem when you last saw him?”

“He was quite inebriated. I barely got a coherent reply from him. In hindsight, I should have stayed with him until he had fallen asleep. Maybe I could have prevented his death.”

“Why do you say that?” Yuri asked, speaking for the first time since introducing herself. DI Jeon shot her a glare before returning his gaze to Mr. Kang.

“If I had been with him until he fell asleep, he wouldn’t have gotten into a fight with the Park boy.”

“The ‘Park boy’?” asked Yuri, frowning slightly.

“Park Jimin. He came here last night. I heard his voice just before I closed the door to my room.”

“Are you saying Park Jimin killed your son?” asked DI Jeon. “Do you have any proof, Mr. Kang?”

“It is your job to find proof, DI Jeon. I’m merely stating what I know. The Parks are our long time rivals; I’m sure you’re aware of that. My son never got along particularly well with Park Jimin since they were in school. As far as I can tell, he was probably the last one to see my son alive.”

xxx

Yuri was currently at Ahreum’s apartment, having dinner in honor of her moving to Busan. 

“I had such grand plans of taking you to the street food market on your first day here,” whined Ahreum. “But given how completely exhausted you look, this is the best alternative.”

“This is great, Ahreum. I haven’t soba noodles in such a long time. You’re actually a pretty decent cook.” Yuri grinned at her best friend, before slurping some noodles.

“I still can’t believe that a high profile murder took place the day you moved here. You really can’t catch a break, can you?” Ahreum sipped on her wine, while scrolling through her phone. “Social media is blowing up with this.”

“I’m just glad I could leave in time for dinner. The way Jeon was treating me, I thought he would make me file paperwork at the station the entire night.”

“I don’t really get that. Jeongguk’s a pretty decent guy. Why’s he being such a dick to you?” Ahreum asked, tying her long brown curls into a bun. “Namjoon’s known him since before I moved here. He only has good things to say about him.”

“Beats me,” shrugged Yuri. “But more importantly, where is Namjoon? I thought he’d be joining us for dinner today.”

“He’s still at the library.”

“It’s almost 11 pm.”

“Yeah, the library closes at midnight. He’ll probably come home after that.” Ahreum stretched her hands above her head before stifling a yawn. “He runs on very little sleep anyway.”

“Nice to see that hasn’t changed since I last saw him,” grinned Yuri, slipping on her shoes and getting ready to leave. “Thanks for dinner, Ahreum. I really needed this today.”

“Oh shut up! You know I’m always ready to feed you!” she replied with a wink. “Now go home and get some sleep.”

Sleep. That was the problem. 

xxx

hope you enjoyed the first chapter! feel free to send me an ask if you have any questions so far. and don’t forget to like/reblog if you enjoyed the chapter!

[theroyalmile]

Body by Chemo

Last weekend I went for a 9-mile bike ride to downtown Boston and back.  I was admittedly nervous and skeptical about this ride beforehand for a couple of reasons.  First, it has been years since I rode a bike, and I know there’s that whole expression “It’s like riding a bike” but I’m not sure that expression is all that accurate.  Second, I have never ridden a bike in Boston.  Third, I get winded these days going up and down my stairs, so I was not sure I quite “had it in me.”  But, my whole household was going, it was a beautiful day, and I had been promising myself I would make an effort to be more active.  So off we went.  Oh, and there was a promise of breakfast sandwiches and coffee and donuts once we made it downtown- nobody could say no to that.

The beginning of the ride was rocky.  The original bike I borrowed was just a little too tall for me, and because of that I felt incredibly unsteady.  I traded bikes with one of my roommates and that bike ended up being a better fit for me- a few loops around a parking lot and I thought, “Hey, it really is like riding a bike.” With my confidence reasserted, we hit the bike path.  

The bike ride was, overall, beautiful.  I did find myself getting winded and had to stop a couple of times.  My roommates had been prepared to take it easy with me, and were very supportive.  Eventually we made it the 4.5 miles downtown and I felt so incredibly proud for conquering my first time back on a bike and first time biking downtown, all while dealing with the fatigue, shortness of breath and other goodies that come with my chemo treatment.  I felt empowered and heartened, which made me feel optimistic about the ride back home.

That optimism was short lived; almost immediately after we took off it became apparent that my body simply could not handle it.  I told myself we just had to get out of downtown and back on the bike trail and then I would ask to stop.  We made it and I signaled everyone for a quick break.  I thought maybe if I caught my breath and had some water it would be okay.  One of our bike squad members offered for me to try their bike to see if that made a difference.  I hopped on bikes a block or so, and then hopped off almost immediately- it just wasn’t going to work.  As I hopped off, right after we had crossed an intersection, I heard two men yelling from a car about some girl having a fat ass, or something to that effect.  Regardless of whether they were talking about me or someone else who had crossed the street with us, that was the final kick for me.  Any experienced fat girl understands that you will always think those comments are about you, even when they are not.  (Disclaimer: I do not mean “fat” as something negative, and I am definitely not looking for people to tell me I’m not fat, I’m simply stating a fact about my body).  Anyways, it was at this point I felt the tears of frustration welling up and knew my ride was done.  I told the crew I couldn’t go any further and would walk while they biked on.

There is a certain trauma that comes with being fat and exercising.  It’s almost like you never want someone to see you fail at any kind of physical activity because it feels like you're reinforcing the stereotype, like, oh of course the fat girl can’t finish the bike ride.  My roommate had offered, very kindly, to come back and pick me up in the car.  That was an indignancy I couldn’t bear- it was one thing to fail to finish the ride; it was another to have to be driven home.  No, I said stubbornly, I would walk my bike home.  Caleb of course insisted on walking his bike with me.  

As we walked our bikes I became more and more upset.  Part of it was the embarrassment of being a fat girl walking a bike home.  I almost want to scream at passers by “It’s not because I’m fat- I have cancer!” But another, bigger part of it was the reality of admitting to myself that chemo had changed my body, and it simply wasn’t up to the tasks it might normally have been.  Eventually I became upset enough that I had to stop and let myself have a small breakdown.  Caleb hugged me while I cried and tried to keep me in perspective. “You’re going through chemo” he reminded me, and tried to help me realize that having made it as far as I had was a feat in itself.  He walked across the street to grab me tissues and a gatorade so I could cry, rehydrate, cry, and rehydrate some more. 

****

Here’s the thing about chemo- it has made me feel incredibly betrayed by my body.  I have always been overweight, since my teenage years or even earlier.  Different versions of overweight, but overweight.  That was just the way it was, and I had reached a certain level of acceptance of that.  But I had always prided myself on how active I could be.  Pre-pandemic I could run 4-5 miles no problem.  I would hit the gym three times a week, I would get the steps in.  I was still fat, I was active, and I felt good about myself.  

Because of chemo, I am now fat, inactive, and feel terrible all the time.  I get winded walking up stairs, I am exhausted by my five minute walk from the T to my office downtown, and I find a short walk will tire me out for an afternoon.  And it’s not just my stamina.  It is absolutely everything.

The skin around my mouth had begun peeling and reddening.  My cuticles are dry and peeling and hurt.  My hands and feet are dry and cracked.  My arms are bruised up and down from frequent IVs. I oftentimes cannot open my medicine bottles or jars without help.  My hair, of course, is completely gone, not just on my head, but my nostrils too, leaving me with an almost constant runny nose.  My eyebrows are thinning, along with my eyelashes, and I pray to whoever is listening to please not take those away from me too.  My hands shake, and have turned dark brown from the cytoxan (which thankfully I am done with).  My memory is terrible.  I am breaking out like I’m back and middle school. My joints hurt, my muscles ache, despite me doing nothing all day. AND I get hot flashes now! Oh and I am hungry all the time.  Honestly ALL THE TIME.  

Here’s the thing- my body and I have been in a constant battle since I was 12 years old.  It took me 10-15 years to learn to love my body for what it was, with the understanding I was never going to have the same body as my friends, was never going to fit their clothes, and was never going to be the traditional idea of “in shape.”  But we had come to truce, my body and I.  I had found acceptance, and even joy in my body.  I had even got to a point where I wore a bikini for the first time since I was a child the summer before the pandemic and it felt amazing, liberating.  I followed plus size models like Ashley Graham and Tess Holiday on Instagram and thought heck yeah, if they can do it so can I.  

My cancer treatment has taken the pride I had in my body and the control I had over my activity levels and appearance and destroyed every last piece of it.  When I was having my worst struggles with my body in college, therapists used to ask me to list my favorite things about my appearance.  My top two on that list were always the same: 1) My hair and 2) My boobs.  Well, cancer has taken one of those things from me already and will have taken the other by the end of this summer.  Like I said, my body has betrayed me now in more ways that I can count.  And that betrayal is likely not going to end for a long time.  Honestly not until there is no cancer in my body any more.  Because let’s be real- that’s the biggest betrayal of all.

Whenever I catch myself in the mirror these days it has the potential to ruin my whole day.  There are few outfits that make me feel comfortable and attractive.  My face feels round, rounder without hair to frame it. I try not to look too long, lest I find more things to hate.  I am terrified of upcoming social gatherings, and wonder how on earth will I be able to feel remotely happy about my appearance for them.  

Chemo has reshaped my body in so many ways, some that I am only starting to realize.  It is hard, fitting into this new body and becoming accustomed to it.  It is even harder learning to love it.  Indescribably hard.  I think I can get there but sometimes it’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Moments like the complete few minutes of despair I felt during our bike ride sometimes make that light seem even further.  But it’s important to remember those moments are often fleeting, and can change with a little perspective.  

****

After I cried it out on the bike path, I checked the time and realized we really needed to start heading home.  Caleb had a vaccine appointment to make and I was an hour away from committing murder of some poor bystander out of sheer frustration.  I looked on Google maps and found the walk home would be 48 minutes, probably more pushing a bike and with my sad little chemo lungs.  The bike ride home? 12 minutes.  So back on the bike I went, and it took every muscle in my body to pedal that 12 minutes home.  Fueled by my anger and embarrassment, and the residual tears, we eventually made it all the way home.  

I originally found little pride and satisfaction in our trip.  All I could think about was how I couldn’t bike the whole thing, and about how those guys in the car had yelled, and how much I hated my biking outfit, and how defeated and mortified I was feeling.  

Sometimes perspective takes time, but eventually I found some.  I owe a lot of the perspective to Caleb’s support and encouragement both during and after the bike ride, and to my parents pride and excitement as I was telling them about my biking adventure.  I also owe a lot of it to a nap, a much needed shower, and a new day.  With perspective I rediscovered some of that pride I had lost.  Nine miles there and back?  I did that shit.  And yeah, maybe I didn’t bike the whole thing, but I sure as hell did the whole thing, and did the whole thing while in the midst of chemotherapy treatment.  While in the midst of poisoning my body beyond recognition.  I am a freaking badass. 

And what did I do that evening?  Ate my body weight in sushi because I wanted to.  

I know there are going to be a lot more ups and downs like this.  That bike ride was filled with some very high highs and some very low lows.  This is going to happen.  And while I don’t know exactly what to expect from my body in the months to come, I do know that whatever happens I’ll see y’all at the beach in July- I’ll be the fat girl with the bald head in a bikini eating an ice cream cone.

[jeannereames]

Hi Dr. Reames, thanks so much for relaying all these fascinating analyses (I have to say, I find myself back on your blog multiple times a week just to check out more cool bits of information). I actually have two questions, but please feel free to only look at one! My first is, what was Alexander’s relationship with Parmenion initially? We know he was loyal to Philip, he served somewhat as an advisor to Alexander too, and then Alexander killed him because of the Philotas plot. I mean, he was a senior officer and had served the Macedonian court for so long—might Alexander and Parmenion have had a decent relationship at some point? And my second question is, how come absolutely nothing survives from the time of Alexander? Did his “successors” try to destroy things related to him (they did kill his son and his mother) so they could protect their own ambitions? I really appreciate your time, thanks for checking out my questions! Again, please feel free to just look at one and not the other :D

First, I’m glad people are actually reading these. LOL.

The biggest problem with discerning Alexander’s true relationship with Parmenion prior to the downfall of Philotas are the inserted “Alexander vs. Parmenion” conversations. You’ve heard them, if you think about it. “If I were Alexander,” Parmenion says, “I would …” “So would I,” Alexander replies, “if I were Parmenion.” Meant as a put down. Parmenion is repeatedly shown as overly cautious and a bit of a fuddy-duddy. It’s a deliberate motif, and most modern scholars recognize these as later insertions.

They seem to have several purposes: first, they showcase Alexander’s dashing bravery and brilliance as opposed to Parmenion’s plodding traditional approaches. Second, they backset conflict between the two. Third, they suggest Alexander didn’t really need Parmenion’s advice; he could have won all those battles by himself.

We suspect this is the work of Kallisthenes (the official court historian) before his own fall from grace. The Page’s Conspiracy happened after the Philotas Affair. Ergo, it appears in a number of the later histories. Some (esp. Badian) have suggested that Alexander was just looking for a way to get rid of Parmenion, and either seized on Philotas’s culpability, or even set up Philotas in order to get rid of Parmenion (Badian’s article on the Philotas Affair suggest Alexander was keeping some sort of FBI-style file on Parmenion and his family.) They’ve point out that he left him behind in Ekbatana when taking off to Baktria, but that was a damn important position! And Parmenion was c.70, by then. I suspect he was moving him towards administrative positions, out of active combat. Phiilotas’s stupidly forced his hand. Philotas was his last living son (Hektor had died in Egypt, Nikanor at Gaugamela). He couldn’t trust that Parmenion wouldn’t feel honor-bound to retaliate for his death (it was a matter of timē). And Parmenion was sitting on Alexander’s all-important supply lines; he could cut off the entire army and leave them to starve. (This, btw, doesn’t justify murder, but does explain it.)

After that, he almost had to inflict a hatchet-job on Parmenion’s reputation. Murdering Parmenion would look even worse if everyone could read how much he owed him.

If one takes those A vs. P conversations with a grain of salt and looks more widely, it’s clear that Alexander owed his kingship to Parmenion—and Parmenion was compensated (so to speak) by the high appointments of his sons, at least the elder two, and his other family members. Although Philotas was older than Alexander, he wasn’t a senior general, yet he got the plumb assignment of commander of the Companion Cavalry. His younger brother commanded the Hypaspists—the whole thing, not just the royal unit. Parmenion’s brother, Asander held high positions, as did another relative (another Nikanor) in the navy. The boys, at least, leapfrogged over older men who may have been more deserving. And Philotas seems to have flaunted his position and relations. We’re told in a couple places that, while his father was beloved, he was not. Certainly Krateros couldn’t stand him, although being an enemy of Krateros may not have required more than being in Krateros’s way. Ha. Krateros was kinda-sorta Parmenion’s understudy.

Alexander often took a good deal of Parmenion’s advice. For instance, there are actually TWO verions of the Battle of Granikos, and they’re almost mutually exclusive. One appears to be a rewrite for drama…and to get in a dig at Parmenion. It’s the better-known version, where the battle takes place in the afternoon, at the end of a long march, and is a cavalry-heavy battle because not all the infantry had arrived. It’s one of the first A vs. P exchanges, where Parmenion advises Alexander to wait for the rest of the army, then attack at night or at least in the morning. Alexander tells him he “won’t steal a march” and brashly attacks the Persians before they’re ready. And wins (after a significant loss of Companions).

The other version is more or less exactly what Parmenion advised: he waited till morning. It was still mostly a cavalry battle and much of what happened is similar…but he did what Parmenion suggested. Yet in that version, he looks less heroic…but more level-headed.

Guess which one is probably the true version. 😉

Philotas, btw, got himself in trouble for asserting that Alexander’s big wins weren’t really his, but Parmenion’s (and Philotas’s). Philotas may have been a blowhard, but at least part of that was true. Alexander consistently gave Parmenion the difficult but absolutely crucial positions at Issos and Gaugamela. He knew damn well that if Parmenion fell on the left, it didn’t matter what he did. That’s WHY he didn’t chase Darius either time, but especially at Gaugamela.

However difficult Philotas was, we’re told that Alexander was close to Hektor, the youngest of Parmenion’s sons. When Hektor died accidentally in Egypt, Alexander was heartbroken and threw him a huge funeral. Hektor is among the boys I had with Alexander at Mieza in the novels.

As for what Parmenion thought of Alexander, I expect he saw him as his best friend’s son, and therefore felt some responsibility for him, after Philip’s untimely death. Parmenion and Philip appear to have been real friends. Philip and Antipatros, not so much. Antipatros had been a friend to Philip’s older brother, Perdikkas, who apparently had a more philosophic turn of mind. And indeed, Antipatros and Aristotle later were fast friends. There’s a funny story of Philip and Parmenion playing draughts (and drinking), when Antipatros entered the room. Immediately Philip shoved the game board under his chair, like some naughty boy caught skivving off. It’s hysterical (the anecdote comes from either Plutarch’s Moralia or, more likely, Athenaeus’s Supper Party). Parmenion was older than Philip, but closer to him in age than Antipatros. Also, Antipatros and Parmenion didn’t really like each other. And there’s Philip’s famous quip that the Athenians should count themselves lucky if they could find 10 good generals every year (their custom of electing generals is what he’s referring to). In his time as king, he’d found only one. Parmenion. (It’s obviously a dig at Athens for poor generals; in Philip’s day they had only a couple decent ones, Phokion being the best.)

Anyway, given Parmenion’s closeness to Philip, I’ve always assumed that he would have backed the candidate Philip wanted on the throne, and that was Alexander. As I noted elsewhere, Philip’s last child was a girl, not a boy. So Attalos had no skin the game anymore. Ergo, even if Parmenion had married his own daughter to Attalos, when push came to shove, he shoved him under the bus (had him executed) when Alexander asked him to. I expect he didn’t do it for “free.” That’s why Philotas and Nikanor had their positions. He could always marry his daughter to someone else, and did: Koinos/Coenus, which is why Koinos was so eager to help “question” Philotas, his brother-in-law: to prove his loyalty to Alexander.

As for why we don’t still have the original histories of Alexader, written by contemporaries? Simple loss over time. I seem to recall reading stats somewhere that only a quarter to a third of (known) texts from antiquity have survived. No, I don’t remember where, but the percentage doesn’t surprise me. How do we know about missing texts? From “testamonia” in surviving ones, especially collections, or books like Diogenes Laertus which contains the lives of famous philosophers and their bibliography. D.L. is how we know Aristotle wrote 4 books of letters to ATG, 1 each to Hephaistion and Olympias, as well as letters to Antipatros.

Some quick terminology: “extant” means “still existing.” So an “extant” text is one we still have. A “testamonium” is mention of a text or author in another text. And a “fragmentum” is a quoted section from another text, or a paraphrasing. Keep in mind that while ancient memories were generally better than ours, fragmenta (when we can compare) often contain slight errors and rephrasings. The major collection of these in Greek was compiled by Felix Jacoby, Fragmente der griechischen Historiker, often referred to as FGrH or just “Jacoby.” The original 1923 version was just in Greek, but New Jacoby is translated, and now available as Jacoby Online!

Another super important source of information on ancient texts, people, and places unavailable elsewhere now is the Suda [Suidae Lexicon], a mid-Byzantine “encyclopedia” of the ancient Mediterranean world. It has LOADS of info otherwise unattested in our extant sources. Visit the Suda Online.

Anyway, back to our texts. Popularity is one reason certain texts make it. The fact we have FIVE different histories of Alexander (however varying in quality) is actually extraordinary, the most we have for any single individual from antiquity. And it’s not only popularity in antiquity, but popularity later. Plutarch was very popular in the medieval and Renaissance, so we have a lot of Plutarch surviving. More copies…more likely something will make it.

So no, what we lack isn’t from any concerted effort to erase a text. The Successors penned their own histories (buffing their own reputations and skewering their rivals), but they didn’t try to systematically get rid of other’s writings. To do so would have been very difficult, if not impossible. Most of the contemporary histories were still available down into the early Byzantine era and probably beyond. We just don’t have them now.

[ywhiterain]

Top 5 Stelena scenes!

Lets clean out some old asks lol. And like, if asked again tomorrow, I’d probably pick something else.

5: Stefan kissing Elena in the season three finale. No joke. I’d kinda given up on Stefan/Elena in season three because I thought they were probably going for Delena and like. I still loved it. But it’d be like how I feel about Tyler/Caroline - really love it and wish it had worked out but I can move on. But then. Goddamn. That was build up. That was set up and pay off. This is what building and building tension for an entire season can look like. Most of the time, I get bored as hell because writers aren’t able to stretch out a will they/won’t they believably. But Stefan and Elena went to dark and ugly places. There was no way that Elena was going to be able to stab him in 3x03 and drag him home and rebuild what they had before. And this season? Kinda owned it. 

This was Stefan making a choice not defined by helping Damon or trying to follow a self imposed set of guidelines to become a man worthy of existence. He just turned around and gave himself a second to let himself be in love with Elena and in that moment every single doubt fell away from her face and you can see it when she just looks at him seirofewaioasdfikjaweoi. This is it. There’s nothing that’s ever going to be like this ever again. And it’s so beautifully tragic because both of them know that it’s unlikely everyone is going to get out alive. And so they stop pretending for a second and just give themselves this moment. I mean, it was mostly about Stefan - he’s the one who turns around and kisses her. 

But this is where Nina and Paul just fucking own this goddamn stupid silly show. Because Elena didn’t need to say or do anything. Everything was written on her face. 

And as much as this show pushed delena. Julie and company knew that. It’s why we got Stefan/Katherine and Silas/Amara. Julie is a hack but she’s not stupid. You don’t completely throw away that chemistry. Like, I almost never talk about chemistry because most of the time I find it secondary to narrative. I mean, I enjoy a ship with fantastic chemistry but I tend to think people overestimate/underestimate chemistry between a given pair. Strong writing, good acting, and visual language is usually going to draw me in more than if two actors sizzle.

But Nina and Paul? You can’t bottle that. Because if they could, every single person working in TV/movies would be buying every day of their professional life. And this is not my favorite scene because they drew me back and and I got invested again and I suffered through so much bullshit season 4-8 and I’m her in the year of our lord 2020 and still here shipping them like it’s 2010 and it’s season two.

4: Everything about 3x05? And it’s even better these days because I actually like Klaus as a character so there’s dramatic tension between Stefan and Elena, Stefan and Klaus, and Klaus and Elena. Whereas, before, Klaus was just sort of a plot device that wanted to molest Stefan for me. He brings me the angst and drama, but now he’s like an actual character to me and we’re seeing him at his most ugly (the only other time he’s ever been this bad for me was with Rebekah in the originals). Put a timer on it. He gives Bonnie less than an hour to undo an ancient spell cast a thousand years ago by one of the most brilliant witches in the show when she’s still basically a newbie. He’s just gonna tear apart one of the few people he actually cares about because Stefan being beside him and following him is what matters - his emotional state doesn’t.

Stefan is freaking the fuck out. All his careful plans and and lies and delusions are shattering right before him. The only thing keeping him from completely going off the rails was the memory of what he had and who he was with Elena. And then Klaus rips that from him. 

And Elena is fucking fearless. Just bite from me. It’ll be okay. We’ll figure out how to get rid of Klaus compulsion. They’ll figure it everything out together. And what gets me is that, yeah, the romantic epic soul makes who love each other is absolutely at play. But what gets Stefan fighting again were three words: you owe me that. There’s this real cynical edge here. Because, yeah, after everything that Stefan and Elena have been through he can’t just give up. Elena was going to kill herself in season two and she was fine with that decision and she was happy to sacrifice her life for her friends and family until Stefan convinced her to keep fighting. The hell is she going to let him quit. And that’s not really a good or healthy way to think about relationships - but it works. Because when you’re in a war zone and you survive, it’s generally because you have to do ugly things. 

3. Elena: break Damon’s neck so I can talk to Esther because he’s being a big baby and is trying to stop me from plotting with the originals. >:( Stefan: kay, honey. I mean yeah that’s smart lets take Klaus down i am evil ripper who cares not about you except I’ll make sure you get home and have some emotional catharsis with you l8r. Damon: asdlkfaweoiruqworf YOU TWO SUCK. YOU’RE BOTH ALWAYS SAYING BE A BETTER PERSON AND BE RESPECTFUL AND YOU DO THIS I HATE YOU BOTH SO MUCH RAWRWWWWWWD. And then he breaks Kol’s neck. And like, that’s a hilarious and sad summary of poor Kol’s entire life pre Davina tbh . 

Part of it is the ot3 element. Part of it is this fantastic female fantasy fulfilled: a man who respects his lady to make her own choices especially when they’re being reckless and dangerous because said man knows how strong and brilliant she is.

And I also like the contrast. Stefan and Elena are cuddle bunnies who spoon each other and are so fluffy and sweet but like they’re also battle couple who’ll do pretty ruthless shit.

2. Remember that time Elena led Stefan to his own room when they had sex for the first time? And she told him not to hide. And they kept gazing at each other. Bathed in shadows and light. He loved her and she loved him and they were both alive and for a moment they were both glad. And like your otp could never.

1. “You had hope. That’s all I ever wanted for you.” look it’s 2020 and the world is literally on fire and that’s the most romantic thing ever. 

[hood-ex]

For the post about plot bunnies for short fic about Dick and Jason! 1) Dick and Jason going train-surfing before his death and after his return. 2) 1st time one of them got the other a birthday gift. 3) Jason finding out that Dick was the one who finally took down the memorial case in the Batcave and realizing his brother hated that thing as much as he did. 4) Bonding over ranting about Dad. 5) Jason lowkey trying to get Dick and Kory back together cuz he shipped them hard when he was younger.

@bigskydreaming​ These are all great prompts! I decided to take a whack at #2. I might write for some of the other prompts though. Anyways, hope what I wrote is somewhat satisfying lmao. 

Link to read on AO3

Jason’s so glad the 250 pound goon he was fighting earlier decided to leave him with a brand new spankin’ set of bruised ribs. Really, truly, he shouldn’t have given Jason such a nice gift for his birthday. The goon should’ve been embarrassed though. Giving Jason the same gift his dad used to give him? Tsk, tsk. Tactless.

Jason sucks in air through his teeth, mentally preparing himself for the pain, and then tries to sit up. He barely raises himself up three inches before sharp pain shoots up his torso and forces him to thunk back against the rooftop floor. Yeah, okay, he really doesn’t want to try that again.

This is just great.

He sighs. There’s nothing that says happy birthday quite like staring up at the smog that keeps him from seeing any of the stars he’d normally wish on or the fact that he’s probably lying on heaps of bird shit. Alfie is definitely going to give him the stink eye for the latter.

A shadow crosses over the corner of the rooftop. It doesn’t look distinctly Batman shaped.

Jason tenses and reaches for the smoke pellet in his belt. Normally he chooses fight over flight, but he doesn’t want to take any chances with his ribs this time. Creating a distraction and then using whatever adrenaline he can muster to get the hell away is probably the smartest decision. That’s what Batman would say, anyways.

Whoever is creeping around is being way too quiet. Goons don’t usually bother being quiet around Jason. They just see him as a small kid in a costume. An easy target. The whole Robin getup is good for creating that kind of misconception.

“Hey, shorty,” a somewhat familiar voice drawls right before a guy in a blue costume flips into Jason’s view.

Black hair. Plunging neckline. A collar somewhat akin to the cone of shame.

Nightwing.

Jason relaxes his muscles, relieved, and stares at Dick in surprise.

Dick’s got a big stupid grin on his face. The niceness of it is what throws Jason off. He’s still not used to people smiling at him and shit. He’s used to grins that are meant for mocking or that are sleazy and spell trouble. Dick Grayson’s grin is none of those things. His is all playful and good-intentioned. Something about it feels safe, and safe’s not something Jason feels a lot outside of the manor.

“Hey, Old-Timer,” Jason says, “fancy seeing you here.”

He suddenly remembers how much his ribs hurt when he tries to sit up again to see Dick better. He can’t help the small sound of pain he lets out as he settles back into his original position. God, bruised ribs are such a bitch.

Jason can’t see Dick’s eyes because of his mask, but he just knows Dick is looking him over from head to toe, mind probably tripping over itself to analyze Jason’s situation.

“You good?” Dick asks, already kneeling by Jason’s side.

“Oh, totally,” Jason says. He tries to adjust his position without hurting himself more. “Sometimes I just come up here by myself to stare at the smog. Just contemplating the rampant amount of pollution in the city—ow fuck. I don’t know if Bruce told you, but I’m an environmentalist first and Robin second. I’ve always been that way. Since the womb.”

Dick frowns and presses his fingers against Jason’s pulse point. “Have you been drugged?”

Jason smacks Dick’s hand away. “No, I haven’t been drugged! I got my ribs busted by some Hulk Hogan wannabe.”

“Ouch,” Dick winces in sympathy. “Been there, felt that.”

“Yeah, well, how about you give me a hand so I can stop rolling around in bird shit.”

The worried furrow in Dick’s brow melts away and is replaced by an amused grin. God, Jason needs to learn how to become immune to Dick’s stupidly genuine face. It’s stuff like that that makes it easy for Jason to see why Bruce has such a hard time letting Dick go. And if he’s honest with himself, he’s a little bit jealous that Dick can warm people over so easily. If Dick is the gooey middle of a s’more then Jason is the hard-coated graham cracker that takes a little time to chew through.

“I’m going to lift you up a bit and then I’m going to come under your arm so you can stand up, capeesh?” Dick says, moving just beside Jason’s right shoulder.

“Capeesh?” Jason grunts in pain as Dick levers him upwards. “Who are you? Uncle Jesse?”

While Jason’s torso is off the ground, Dick positions himself under Jason’s right arm and then quickly, but gently, helps Jason onto his feet. Jason squeezes his eyes shut and takes a few deep breaths while he waits for the pain to calm down.

“You’re alright, you’re alright,” Dick assures him softly, draping his arm over Jason’s shoulders.

If anyone asks, Jason totally does not lean into Dick for support, he does not. He just. Trips. Into Dick’s side. Yup. That’s what happens. The bird shit is witness to it.

“Would this be a bad time to tell you that I got you a birthday present?” Dick asks suddenly, taking Jason off guard.

“Birthday present? What birthday present? How did you know today’s my birthday?” Jason demands, leaning closer to Dick’s face so he can stare into Dick’s… eyelets.

Dick places a finger on Jason’s forehead and gently shoves him backward.

“O ye of little faith. Give me some credit. You think your big bro doesn’t know when your birthday is?”

Jason stares at him with a knowing look.

“Alfie told you, didn’t he?”

Even though he meant it lightheartedly, he’s a little surprised to see how Dick’s mouth tightens into a frown.

“B sure as hell didn’t,” Dick grouches in a tone Jason’s come to associate with Dick and Bruce’s yelling matches.

“Yeah,” Jason drawls, “I’m not touching that with a ten-foot pole.”

Dick’s expression levels back into a neutral look. “Right, yeah.” He gives Jason’s shoulder a squeeze as a silent apology. “So do you want your gift or not?”

Thank God for Dick’s ability to smoothly change the subject.

“You know you’re not supposed to ask stupid questions in the field,” Jason says in mock horror. Dick makes a bitch face at him and Jason cackles. “Too bad Poison Ivy isn’t around to give you some aloe for that sick burn!”

Dick stares at him before walking towards the edge of the roof.

“Wait!” Jason says, quickly snagging Dick by the wrist. His ribs only scream a little bit, but honestly, who’s paying attention to that kind of thing when the person with his present is about to disappear into the night. “Fine, fine, fine. I’ll stop being a brat. Although, for the record, you’re an asshole for even pretending to leave me all alone with my busted ribs.”

Dick’s stupid grin makes a reappearance.

“An asshole and a brat walk into a bar—”

“Shut up,” Jason says, shoving Dick away from him. “Are you going to make me stand up here for eternity or can we get to the whole gift-giving thing.”

Jason’s not sure what he expects the gift to be. From what he knows, Dick’s not exactly rolling in money, so he doesn’t expect it to be something as extravagant as what he received earlier in the day. Alfred gave him six new books and also made him a buffet of breakfast food. Then Bruce had given him a new bookcase for his room, an insanely gaudy watch Jason doesn’t know what the hell he’s going to do with, and an entire set of baseball equipment for him to play with in the yard.

Compared to his other birthdays, the gifts he got this year are almost too much to comprehend. Hell, the price of the watch alone will probably be enough to put him through college. The gifts are nice but… overwhelming. Honestly, Jason doesn’t think he deserves shit that nice. It’s not like he can refuse them, though. It’ll make him sound like an ungrateful little snot, and Jason doesn’t want to give Bruce that impression at all.

“I’ve only been in your room once,” Dick says as he pops open a compartment on his glove, “and I saw a Poison Idea poster over your bed. So—” he brandishes two blue rectangular pieces of paper in front of Jason.

Eyes wide, Jason snatches them from Dick’s hand. “Holy shit—”

“I got you two tickets to their concert,” Dick finishes with a smile.

Jason stares at the tickets and reads the print on them over and over again. Hands shaking, he throws his arms above his head, ignoring the sharp pain it causes.

“Shut the fuck up! No way! No waaay, dude!” he chatters. He grabs onto Dick’s arm and shakes it in excitement. “You’re not allowed to be this cool! Dude, what? Are these real?”

Dick’s sudden laughter only fuels more excitement in Jason’s chest. He shoves at Dick again.

“Don’t even tell me these are good seats, dude. Like. These are nosebleed seats or something, right?”

“Nosebleed?” Dick squawks indignantly. “These are VIP tickets! You get access to the venue before general admission and you get to meet the band backstage.”

“What!” Jason yells, genuinely shaking now. “Di—Nightwing! Are you serious?”

Dick laughs again and grabs onto Jason’s shoulders to squeeze them. “Yes, I am completely serious.”

There’s a feeling in Jason’s chest that he’s not sure how to describe. It’s a weird mixture of excitement and gratitude and… awe. It’s something he only feels rarely. Kind of like the first time he went out as Robin or like the time he got to work with the Titans. Special moments like that.

Jason reads the print on the tickets one last time, unwilling to vocalize just how touched he is that Dick’s given him such a personalized gift. He didn’t expect to get anything from Dick at all. Hell, he didn’t even expect a phone call, knowing how busy Dick is. And now that Dick’s given him one of his favorite gifts he’s ever gotten, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Doesn’t know how to act.

All he can think of is to extend his fist and to blurt out a quick, “Thanks.”

Luckily for him, Dick’s had a lot of time to adapt to emotionally inept people. Dick extends his own fist and bumps it against Jason’s.

“No problem. Happy birthday, Little Wing.”

Notes:

I don’t know if any of you have ever hurt your ribs before, but I’ve bruised mine, and trying to move was a bitch. My mom had to help me sit up because it was too painful to bend my torso. I don’t know why in fics people constantly break the batfam’s ribs and then have them running around like it’s no big deal. So that’s why Jason is like I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up.

In comics, Robin Jason called Dick “Old-Timer” and Dick called Jason “shorty” and “Little Wing”. So I incorporated that into the story.

Jason referring to Dick as Uncle Jesse is a reference to the TV show Full House. On the show, Uncle Jesse asks “capeesh?” a lot when he’s talking to his nieces or sons.

Poison Idea is an actual band that Jason used to like when he was Robin. In comics, he had a Poison Idea poster on his wall and I thiiink he might of also had a shirt with their name on it. So yeah. Jason is a punk rock bitch.

[roswelldetails]

RNM 2x10 - American Woman

EPISODE SUMMARY:

SECRETS OF THE PAST — After uncovering a cryptic message from the past, Alex (Tyler Blackburn), Isobel (Lily Cowles), Max (Nathan Dean), Michael (Michael Vlamis) and Maria (Heather Hemmens) set out in search of answers at the reservation where Alex’s mother grew up. Meanwhile, Cameron (guest star Riley Voelkel) encourages Liz (Jeanine Mason) to reach out to someone from her past after Auturo (guest star Carlos Compean) gets detained. Marcus Stokes directed the episode written by Rick Montano & Vincent Ingaro & Jason Gavin (#210). Original airdate 5/18/2020. 

DETAILS:

Tripp brings Louise to the Reservation in a body bag where the Navajo doctors are able to save her life.

"Your message said that you were gonna bring two women that would be no trouble.  This looks like a lot of trouble."

"I must have gotten the codes wrong."

"No, don't give me that Manes man nonsense. Not here in my own home."

"Her name is Louise. I promised her friend Nora I'd protect them. My brother triggered an ambush before I could get them here. And Nora…"

"Wait, what does the Air Force want them for?"

"They're not from around here. They're from...up north."

"Yìiyáh. No. She can't stay here… What if your brother comes here and finds a fugitive.  I can't put my people at risk for a white woman."

"Please. You're the only person I trust. If she doesn't make it, it was all for nothing."

"I'll have you remember that I was the one that saved your ass in Okinawa. I don't owe you anything. I'm only doing this because you're my family. And because I'm a damn fool."

A few notes on this scene:

--I don't know why Tripp pretends he got the codes wrong.  Unless he's spiraling and talking about the timing of the attack.  But it seems like he means the message that he was bringing them to the reservation.  Clearly things didn't go according to plan.  Though, it is always possible that we're still missing bits of the story.

--OG Easter Egg.  "They're not from around here.  They're from up north." For anyone who didn't watch OG, this is almost exactly how the exchange went when Max told Liz he was an alien in the 1999 pilot.

--Yìiyáh - I found nothing on this word.  I'm assuming that it's a curse word or general exclamation of negativity, but literally got zero results on google. It's possible, of course, that it's misspelled in the captions.  There were a lot of errors in the captions in this opening scene.

--While there really isn't any overt statement that Alex is half Navajo and this town is part of Navajo Nation (which has been in the news a lot lately and therefore is a good place in this country to be aware of), there's lots of clues or subtle enough statements that I feel like it can be accepted as fact, since: Harrison is a codetalker, the necklace is Navajo, tsela is a Navajo word. So I did a little peeking and it could work.  The closest Navajo town is about a 4 hour drive from Roswell.

Navajo Nation: 

(side note - Navajo Nation has extreme poverty but also is utterly gorgeous. And the Tribe gets income from tourism. Just a few places there that I'm dying to go? Monument Valley, Antelope Canyon, Shiprock.  Check it out.)

Liz comments on Max's irregular heartbeat, with literally no acknowledgment of the fact that she's straddling him and has a history of causing his heart to race...and other forms of lack of control (think 1x03).

"I'm excited about this though. You know Alex dug up all that info on our bio Mom. You sure you can't come?"

"Got to take my dad in for his blood tests. I want to check on Jenna too.  Cannot believe she's back in the hospital again."

"She's been in pain for weeks. I have no leads on the mysterious hunting van, and Charlie hasn't made contact."

"Hmm. To be fair, I do hear that phone service is a little spotty in flying saucers."

"Okay, I get that. You think my alien abduction theory is bogus."

"I know you're worried that this has something to do with you, but I don't think this is an alien thing."

"Cam and I had fractal burns on our necks. We had no memory of what happened. That's alien stuff. I just want clarity on something."

--Note that it's past time to abandon all hope of anything resembling a defined timeline for this show...once again we have weeks passing between episodes. This is the second time this season that the time passing has only been generically described as "weeks".  It's been at least a year since Liz came back to Roswell (per her conversation with Diego), but a year would be summer (late May or early June, specifically), and in this episode Isobel mentions that it's winter (which would be a year and a half).

Maria's pitch:

"In conclusion, esteemed members of the Roswell Tourism Board, while the Pony is normally a sanctuary for locals during CrashCon, I think that my plan to turn it into the Contact Cantina Pop-Up Bar will be a hit with alien fans."

"We're talking more money than we first speculated, aren't we now?"

"You know, Mayor Bernhardt, I forgot to tell you about our new morning cocktail… It's coffee, vanilla cream, and our best bourbon. Let me get you a double."

Note: so this is the famous Mayor Bernhardt. Funded by the Long family. Doesn't like immigrants. Had a racist relative who wouldn't give first prize to the black man.

Maria's vision…

Herself, younger, sitting at the Pony bar. 

"You have to let me go! You're just crazy! And I'm trapped!"

And then she runs from the bar crying.

She's not wearing the necklace.

Describing it to Michael:

"I had a vision, but it was more like a memory. Of a fight I had with my mom when I was younger."

Isobel interrupts Michael and Maria to pick them up for the road trip. Just a few relevant excepts from this scene:

"Pack your bags. We're going on a family road trip."

"Is this why Max wanted the day off?"

"In the photo of Max and Isobel's bio Mom, there was a water tower. Alex recognized that water tower from the town where his mom grew up. You should come with us."

Alex and Forrest talk in the Crashdown:

"Hope that limp isn't from a paintball injury."

"Nope. Those bruises have mostly healed. I just got a new prosthetic. Takes a minute to get used to. You working on your book?"

"I write my book on my computer.  However, I write my angsty emo poetry in an angsty emo journal."

"I'm actually working on some poetry myself. Well, song lyrics, technically. It's a lot harder than it was in high school."

"Yeah, writing was easier for me when I was a kid too. Feelings...we bury 'em now. You just got to find that thing inside of you that doesn't have a voice. Lend it yours. You know? Listen, I have like, zero musical talent, but if you need help with the worst part, we could, uh…"

"Actually I'm leaving tomorrow for a few days to go talk to some recruits."

Michael interruptus, and the conversation goes casual.

--What happened to "angsty nerd isn't really my type." Or...was it FORESHADOWING!!!?! 😂

--Oh hi there clear shot of Forrest's clearly Deep Sky logoed ring…

Cam has been having debilitating migraines that have been keeping her bedridden since the abduction.

Nurse Kate is a badass. she tries to keep ICE from getting into a patient's room. Liz hears her and hurries to the waiting room, where there's more ICE activity. Liz panics and tries to get Arturo out of the hospital, but she caught the attention of the ICE officers. However, Liz knows her rights.

"He has applied for his green card. I'm his sponsor, okay? This is his G-1145 right here."

"You can show that to the court."

"It's okay. Call the lawyer."

"No. He is a diabetic. It is illegal to detain a patient."

"Exigent circumstances. Move."

"No. Hey, this is an unconstitutional arrest and the ACLU will be all over you."

"Elizabeth, we respect the law in this family. If you're in trouble, who will take care of the mouse?"

--G-1145 is a request for confirmation that your green card application has been accepted:

--The timing of this all. Liz has been prepared for this moment all her life and would fight it to the point of getting arrested herself, if not for Rosa. Rosa's safety is the only thing that convinces Liz to step aside.

--As an only semi related note, this is a really interesting contrast to how they wrote Jeanine's character out on Grey's Anatomy.  

--Also feel like it would be remiss of me to not point out Liz's reactiveness and fightinf mentality is mirroring how Liz initially reacted to Max pulling her over in the pilot.

"Okay. So the Deputy on call says there's one detention center in the county. Here's the info."

"He doesn't have anything left in Mexico. No one. Nowhere to go."

"You can't think like that right now."

"I think like this always. Rosa and I used to recite our escape plan for if our parents got deported and we got separated in foster care. I begged my parents not to tell Santa where we lived because I was afraid he'd ask for papers. My whole life was built on a fear of this day coming, and it's here. If I'd have kept better track of his health, he wouldn't need these tests. I should have made him move to California. I thought we were safe being outside the hundred-mile zone, but after this election I should have known better. And I should have made him wear a sweater this morning because it's freezing out there. And what if he…?"

"...okay think. Is there someone we can call?"

"Kyle's at a conference, but I can have him call his mom."

"Do you know anyone with some real power? You know, Federal muscle?"

Cam gets dressed to take Liz to the Detention Center and Liz calls Diego for help.

The road trip group arrive at the reservation and meet Gregory Manes.  He says he remembers them all from high school.  He takes Max, Michael, and Isobel to learn about Louise while Alex and Maria go jewelry shopping.

Meanwhile Gregory is taking the Pod Squad to Louise's grave, but pauses for some flirting:

"You're still the Isobel Evans who convinced the basketball captain to pull four different fire alarms to get out of AP Gov, right? Yeah, legend. Here she is."

"Oh my God, it's covered in flowers.  It's winter."

"Rumor is they grow year-round unattended. She was a healer. I'm told she helped with trauma, addiction, that sort of thing. All without speaking."

"This another grave?"

"She was pregnant."

"Louise arrived gravely injured. And the baby didn't survive.

--Louise died the same day the Pod Squad came out of the pods, confirming that she is probably the old woman on the reservation that was described in 1x09.

--Michael found the mysterious purple flowers growing on Louise's grave.

Alex and Maria at the trading post.

"Are you okay? Seem a little off."

"I had a vision during a meeting this morning. It almost cost me a deal that could save the bar. Maybe I should just wear the necklace. Go back to being a social media guru. Slash barkeep. Slash magical trope in our redneck mayor's fantasy."

"So why did you really come today? Your ideal day off isn't fighting for the radio silence with Isobel Evans, so…"

"This is the back of my necklace. The word stamped in the silver says Tsela. The necklace is Navajo, so I thought maybe that was the jeweler, but no one I've asked here seems to know who made it. I just want answers."

"Well, there's a ton of silver jewelry for sale here. So why don't we just keep looking for something with the same stamp?"

Pod Squad sharing a bottle of acetone by Louise's grave.

"Noah said our planet was war-torn. But the hell they found here can't have been worth it."

"Do you think that Louise's baby died from her injuries or do you think maybe it was never going to survive?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I was pregnant. When you died. Obviously I'm not anymore. I just can't help wondering if that was my last chance. Assuming that humans and aliens can't procreate because they're different species. Maybe that little baby wasn't viable."

"You almost died during the abortion, didn't you? I could feel it. Noah almost killed you again, huh? Oh, I need a minute."

After Max leaves Michael offers to be a sperm donor for Isobel if she ever wants to have a kid.

Liz at the Detainment Center

"It's Ortecho. Arturo Ortecho. He's my dad. And he needs gliclazide and beta-blockers. I brought both."

"We can't take contraband here, but there is an infirmary on-site, if he's here."

"You know, out of curiosity, did Nebane Abienwi visit an infirmary before he died of a brain bleed in your custody? What about Johana Medina León? She was 25 years old, okay? People walk through those doors and they die...Who's your supervisor? You need prior approval before conducting enforcement in a hospital. There was a compliance memo."

"Right, a memo, which is just like a law only not. Unless you calm down, I'm gonna arrest you for obstruction."

"Okay, Liz, maybe sit down.  Sir, I'm Deputy Jenna Cameron, and we appreciate your interpretation of your guidelines, but we have an urgent health concern about an inmate here, if you just wouldn't mind checking the system."

Jenna goes with the agent…when she returns...

"Do you have a court case next week for a vandalism charge?"

"What? Yes, but I didn't do it. I'm just gonna plead guilty and pay the fine. It's nothing."

"They denied your dad's green card application because of a misdemeanor on your record. You can't be his sponsor."

Jenna's headaches overtake her. Meanwhile, the ICE agent comes back with news:

"Here just came up. Ortecho is being transferred to El Paso for his deportation hearing. You can see him there around Tuesday."

--Liz's misdemeanor is taking the fall for Rosa's vandalism from when she was arrested by Sheriff Valenti in 2x02.

Gregory takes the Pod Squad to see Harrison who is on his death bed.  Manes boys are always welcome here, the woman tells them. Harrison is the only one Louise ever spoke to on the reservation.

"He met my great uncle Tripp Manes fighting in WWII.  Harry was a code talker."

Michael gets Gregory to leave with him so that Max and Isobel can go inside of Harrison's head. Their conversation:

"You look like her."

"Harrison.  You look different."

"That was a lesson I learned from Louise. How to take your mind to a better time when you're in pain. Come on. I haven't seen the sky in a while. I'll tell you about her...I taught Tripp the codes in the Pacific. That's how we set up the rescue. He was supposed to snuggle Louise and Nora here, but the plan fell apart."

In the past between Harrison and Tripp:

"You've changed. The man I met on that ship obeyed orders."

"Guess I saw what happens when good men fall in line with bad orders. I'm a Christian, Harry. When evil itself tells me to kill a woman with child, I disobey. Even if the evil looks just like my brother."

A nurse rolls Louise into the room in a wheelchair.

"Did you find a family for her?"

"There should be music where you take her. I think she's a dancer."

"You can give her a house full of music, Louise. Nora wanted me to protect you so that you could protect the child."

"No. He's coming for me and I can't even move. No. When the devil comes, I won't be able to fight for her. Please. It is hard to be a woman on your planet.  It's only gonna be harder still for her. Roy Bronson believed in meeting hatred with compassion. And I want her to be like him. A light in the darkness. A little star on the ground. I want that for both my girls."

"Where did he take the baby?"

"Can't say."

"No. Tell us where our sister went."

"She isn't your sister. Louise rarely spoke, but when she did, she spoke of two daughters. Two stars on the ground. She had no sons. You aren't hers. You came from something else...She lived for decades longer than she should have, trapped inside of a body that could no longer dance, waiting for a sign that you would be all right. She loved you."

Jenna wakes up back at the hospital.

"I asked them to run a new test. Your headaches are spinal headaches. Because there was a hole torn into your spinal cord."

"I'm sorry, what? My kidnappers gave me a spinal tap?"

"Do you mind signing off so I can look at your tox screen?"

"Yeah, of course, but, Liz, you don't have to do this, okay? Your dad, and…"

"I need a distraction. I can't leave for El Paso until tomorrow, and they're not letting him have visitors other than his lawyer until Tuesday, so...thank you for being here. You used your privilege to help me. I'm furious that I needed it, but I needed it."

--Reposado is a type of tequila

--Spinal Headaches:

Isobel and Max on what they learned from Harrison:

"You've always been different than me and Michael, okay? Always. You were the leader. From the start. I mean, you're the special one. You're the healer."

"I was. Now I can't even sneeze without my heart skipping a beat. All my life, no matter how weird things got, I never felt alone. Because I was your twin. Maybe I'm different. Maybe I'm a freak...I can't stop thinking about being chained up when I was a kid. It didn't feel like someone bad chained me up. It felt like I was the someone bad."

"Max, you're not dangerous."

"Saving people destroys me. But killing Noah? That felt good. I was high. And whenever I think about what he did to you, I want to chase that high. I wish I could kill him a thousand times. Louise mentioned the devil. Maybe something evil was chasing them. And maybe that something was me."

"Okay. I want to show you something. You see this hand on her shoulder there? See, Michael thought it was just someone who got cropped out of the photo, but no. Any female would recognize that body language. She does not want that hand on her. Louise said the devil would come. I think something evil was after them, but it wasn't you. I want to find out who it was."

Alex and Gregory:

"Hey, I just wanted to say thank you before we go. I also feel like I should congratulate you on getting out."

"Of the Navy?"

"Of the family. Getting out from under Dad."

"You got to break free of him, man."

"Do you feel free?"

"I don't think I get to be free until you are, Alex. You know, you're my brother. I wish that I would've stood up for you more."

"You know, I think he's actually getting a little bit better. It's like the stroke melted away the psycho in his brain or something." 

"If you can forgive him you should. Cast off the stone. Let me hate him for you. I owe you that much."

Back at the trading post with the whole road trip group.

"We scoured the store for jewelry that said Tsela on it, but nada. Although I did manage to spend an entire week's worth of tips anyway."

"Tsela?"

"Yeah it was printed on the back of my grandmother's necklace. I thought I might find some answers here."

"Well, apparently, it is Navajo for star on the ground. So, you guys ready to go?"

"Star on the ground.  Maria? What year was your grandmother born?"

"Uh, '48, I think?"

"Was she adopted?"

"Yeah. Oh my God."

"Your grandmother was my sister."

Note: The direct translation of Tsela is stars lying down. Interestingly, it's often a name in Navajo. When I googled it, the top results were names for Navajo boys.

Diego and Liz's conversation:

"Diego, I never would have reached out if it weren't an emergency. Thank your mom for me."

"The Senator was more than happy to call in a favor. She's always liked you."

"I like her too. We need more people like her."

"Look, we got lucky your dad got out at all, much less without an ankle monitor. And you pissed a few people off back there, so it's not likely that this is the end for you. Who's your lawyer? Or should I make some calls?"

"No, you've done enough. After what I did, I can't even believe you listened to my voicemail...How did you get here so fast?"

"I was at the airport in Phoenix when you called. Just had to reroute real fast."

"And how have you been?"

"Well, my fiancée left me. I'm kidding. No, I'm seeing someone.  It's getting pretty serious, so…"

"Good. Me too."

"Good. We can be friends...And don't take this the wrong way. Please tell me you're not wasting that incredible brain of yours writing alien hamburger puns."

"I am working on a few projects. Nothing I can talk about, but, I'm not wasting anything."

"Well, all the coolest studies make you sign NDAs anyway, so…"

"You know what? There actually is something...Do you know what butyricol is?  Worth a shot. It's this chemical I found in my friend's tox screen. I had never heard of it."

"Maybe you're slacking, Ortecho."

"I am sorry, it has only been a year. Did you literally forget everything about me?"

Note: I'm very pleased to say that when I googled butyricol, half of the top results were RNM related.  Definitely not a real drug.

Malex fight in the bunker:

"We're closed!"

"Hey, that alien console piece that Jim Valenti left me...You still have it?"

"No. I sold it on eBay."

"You didn't attach it to your console."

"I tried. Doesn't fit."

"So, Tripp left this for my dad before he died. My dad thought it was a code, but this is a reference sketch of this exact piece. My dad's been looking for this thing for 30 years and Jim Valenti had it all along...I'm gonna give it to him. I want to see what he does with it once he's got it. Look, if it didn't fit in your console, then it fits somewhere else. My dad could lead us there.""Your dad hunts aliens, Alex. He'll lead my family right off a cliff."

"I've protected you so far. That's not changing. Besides, he's different these days...I don't trust him, Guerin. I just…I'm asking you to trust me.""When we were kids, you believed people were good, despite humanity doing everything to prove you otherwise. And, God, I loved you for it. But what was charming when we were 17, it's just stupid now. How do you not see that? You believe there's some good in your father?"

"Yeah. Yeah I do. God forbid I have faith in people who don't give me a good reason to."

"That's not fair."

"No? Why is your hand covered? You miss your injury because you want to hurt. Your anger made you feel safe. I will always hate my father for what he did to you, but I don't want to live in that toolshed for the rest of my life. I don't want to walk around thinking that people don't change, that one day everyone's just gonna let me down, 'cause I am not building a damn rocket ship in a hidden lair. There's one way for me off this planet. And I need to believe in a reason to stay. I promise I'll keep you safe."

"Can't let you leave with that."

"What are you gonna do? Fight me for it?"

And then Alex leaves and is kidnapped. Hit over the head by an unknown assailant. The note from Tripp blows away.

Max and Liz are talking back at Max's house while Max drinks a lot of bourbon.

"You know, you never told me why your parents immigrated here in the first place."

"My dad wanted a family, but not in Juárez. There was no opportunity, no money. Women were disappearing there all the time. He didn't want my mom to be one of them. So he fled. You're wondering why your family came here."

"If I even had a family. I know so little about my own story. And the parts I thought I understood are just unraveling."

"Max. Family is the one area where I am certain that biology does not matter. Look, when I found out that Rosa was only my half sister that didn't change anything."

"This is different...There are only three of us on this planet, as far as we know. I mean, feeling disconnected from them makes me feel completely alone."

"Completely alone? I'm right here."

"When you needed a rescue today your Mensa society, old money son of a senator ex was there to answer your prayers. I couldn't even answer a call. You didn't need me."

"Oh my God. Okay, so would you prefer that I did need you? Would you prefer to come home to find me crying into my dad's windbreaker so that you can swoop me up and drive me to El Paso for his deportation hearing in the morning?"

"That's not fair. You wanted me to talk about today."

"Yes, okay. I'm sorry. I want you to feel better."

"Well, you think maybe you could go back in time and not meet someone as handsome as Diego? Seriously. He's like if someone mixed a cologne ad with a Kennedy. It's ridiculous. I will never feel adequate again."

"You're wrong. Max, let me be clear. You are objectively better in bed...And I never woke up on a Sunday morning to him singing Hank Williams in the shower...He never snuck unreasonable tips into my dad's checks. Or quoted Henry the Fourth. Coming home to you at the end of my worst days and my best days is the only rescue I need."

I actually found this background on the Ortechos to be fascinating.  In case you don't know Juárez is a pretty big city directly opposite the border from El Paso. It does have some huge crime issues. But it also is one of those border cities where the border is a little thinner. Like San Diego and Tijuana.  People live in Juárez and work in El Paso and vice versa.

If you want to see a really dark & gritty portrayal of Juárez, I'd highly recommend you to check out the American version of the show The Bridge.  Which literally deals with an investigation related to disappearing women.

Isobel and Maria at the Pony:

"She looks so determined."

"Yeah, neither of us would be here if she hadn't been. You know she was paralyzed 50 years and she still managed to use her powers to help ease troubled minds. You know how hard that is? To take on someone else's suffering? I mean, it doesn't just disappear. She would have been carrying all of that."

"She suffered so much loss."

"I don't know how to be worth it."

Michael on the bracelet.

"The beads are made with pollen from the alien flower. I found another plant growing at Louise's grave. Okay my working theory is that they grow from alien remains. There's this UFO lore about that Libyan desert where the flowers have been discovered before. You don't have to wear it if you don't want to. I know better than to think I can save Maria DeLuca. I hope you decide you can save yourself."

Max is still drinking after Liz went to bed.  At 4:04am Diego calls and wakes her up. 

"I made a call, about that toxin in your friend's system. Butyricol. It's a drug. It's a memory eraser. It was developed by a private organization and purchased by the military for weaponization. There's no approved application outside of violent combat."

Liz tries to call Alex, but he's too busy being unconscious in the back of his SUV.  So his kidnapper pockets his phone.

Max has a memory flash. There's fighting, weapons clashing, a woman's voice...all while he's chained down in the cave. Louise appears and kneels down to touch his shoulder.  He looks afraid, but she's trying to comfort him (even though she has blood splattered all over her white clothes). She smiles and nods and then cuts Max free of the chains with her alien weapon. She offers him her hand, but before he can take it a figure in white appears and he and Louise fight. Max cries out and hides his face.

Present day Max is visibly shook by the flash.

MUSIC:

1.  Shelly Fairchild "Worry No More"

2.  Powerslide "Just You And I"

3.  Will Fox "Against The Tide"

4.  Tommee Profitt feat. Sam Tinnesz "Bullet With Butterfly Wings"

[charmspoint]

Got tagged by @autumn-foxfire to do this ask game :3c

Name your top 5 favorite anime/manga! (or cartoons/shows if you’re not into anime and manga)

Here we go!

 1.      Beastars – Haru is right there in my profile pic you can't expect anything else. The anime is perfectly fine and I adore the op and the ed but it’s the manga where it’s really at. It remains one of the only manga where I could consistently keep up despite not being hugely involved with the fandom and I adore the world, I adore the characters and most of all I adore the expressions. The anime really suffers from having to be pretty and not allowing for the amount of stupid goat faces Louis makes, or Legosi’s puppy excitability or Haru just being a fucking wierdo. The only complaint I have is that I wish the girls got more screen time, they are amazing every time they appear I just wish they had more of a chance to. Especially Juno, Juno really suffered from being just dropped out of the plot. Also one of the lions’ should have been Louis’ age so they could have been gay together, like ye Louis’s ending makes sense but you will never be able to take away ‘I feel more at ease surrounded by male carnivores then with a female herbivore’, just let Louis be gay oh my god, even his fucking dad saw it. Anyway Beastars is great and I love it very much and I am very sad it’s done ;-;

 2.      Re: Creators – I have very conflicted opinions about this one, despite it being number two. I really owe it an objective rewatch because the second part of it really slapped me in the face with the sudden boatload of fanservice so much that it soured my opinion on it through the rest of the show. Paired with both of my favs getting the short end of the stick in two different ways, by the end of Re Creators I was left with a rather bitter taste in my mouth so I really want to see how it holds up once I know what will happen. So why is it so high up if all I do is complain about it? The first part was just that amazing. It was the first and only time I watched an anime and felt ‘wow this was written for ME, this was written with someone like me in mind’. A story has never felt so personal and so lovingly crafted and I just adored every bit of it and god every time I think about the good aspects of it I want to sit down and rewatch it again to reevaluate the bad. In the end it felt personal, it felt like it was speaking to me and it felt heartfelt and cared for and that for me is something special. Also Magane really needs her own show, like I remember thinking ‘shes izaya but better’ and if that doesn’t scream she needs her own show I don’t know what does. Still bitter at the way they just dropped her at the end my god.

 3.      Durarara – This one has been a giant in my fandom experience. I wrote my first fanfiction for Durarara and one of very indulgent self-insert stories lead to me roleplaying in private for the first time and the person I roleplayed with eventually introduced me to group roleplay (Blu if ur reading this I love u <3) so it kinda lead to the way I’m mostly active in fandom today and some of my favorite OC’s originated from making Durarara OC’s not to mention Izaya remaining one of my favorite characters ever and someone who I look to whenever I want to make a fun villain. Durarara is a show that is filled with complex human interactions and at some points it really seems like a love letter to humanity. We are all weird, we all have our rich inner lives, even people who look ordinary get up to some stuff you would never have guessed, that’s what it feels like it’s saying. I don’t know there is no objective way to talk about it because it’s been so ingrained in my fandom experience it will simply always remain one of my favorites, no two ways about it. The fics I wrote for Durarara when I was a teen were cringy af and horribly planned but I received so much positive comments and support and I think that always remained a big part of why I kept on writing and why I felt that writing is something that I’m good at. Even now, knowing how bad they were it just motivates me more to keep on improving and whenever I feel down about my writing I always think ‘well people liked that trash and this is better so some people will like this too’. It’s also the reason why I can’t stand cringe culture, honestly I think I’m even more grateful to all the people who saw my baby fics went ‘yikes that’s edgy’ and then didn’t comment, those guys were the real troopers.

  4.      Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki- Kun – number four is where the going gets tough because of my poor memory and differentiating shows I watched, remembered and liked, from shows that left some kind of impact. Nozaki-kun is a dumbass comedy anime/manga and it’s the only manga I can remember ever making me consistently laugh at loud and I feel that that earns it number four spot well enough. The characters are all just lovable and stupid and lovably stupid, and I honestly can’t say there is a pair I dislike. Like it never feels like ‘oh its x character chapter yawn’ it’s always a fun time no matter what the matchup is. I don’t have anything smart to say about it, it makes me laugh, it’s a good time, it doesn’t take itself seriously I love it.

 5.      Servamp – this really shouldn’t be here because I stopped halfway through the manga and STILL haven’t caught up. But Servamp is the manga that’s constantly on my mind and I never stop thinking ‘man I really should catch up’. The only reason I haven’t is cuz I’m so terribly bad at reading stuff online even though the arc I left off was tense and I really want to know what happened with Tsurugi and Wrath was just given a time to shine and aaaaa one day I’ll catch up. There’s really nothing to say about this show, it’s dumbass vampire shonen and I’m really not sure why I like it so much. The character designs are fun and on point and anime is kinda horrible CUZ THEY DIDN’T PUT IN A WHOLE ARC WHO DOES THAT, but the op is delightfully edgy and the ed is a shameless high school theater style rip off of the kekkai sensen sen ed which is just amazing in how bad and awkward it is. This ed is such awkward dumb trash and I somehow just love it more for it, like it’s so bold about being a trashy rip off, bby what is you doing. Honestly I can’t say anything objective about this series cuz it’s been so long since I actually read it but it lives in my head rent free and that must count for something. Slaps gold star on.

I feel like I should also mention Bnha cuz its the fandom I’m most active in but hvhjvj I mostly like the fanside of BNHA rather than the show itself. For the show itself i think its good with some great moments but that’s about it. I’m just here for fan shit cuz hori made such a wonderful sandbox.

Imma tag @megacarapa @prince-liest @viiyverns-den @livie-stark @lanamnesis and honestly whoever else wants to do this because i dont feel like doing so many tags anymore, i just have a lot of people whos answers i’m interested in uwu

[shinjukuspiritcommittee]

Trouble Sleeping

So here’s another original one involving the 4 Bombom boys as a sort of beta test for perhaps a new prompt in asks? I had a lot of fun making these and hopefully you guys like this sort of format. Thank you for all your support as always

~~

Trouble Sleeping

~You awakened in a cold sweat and strangely tears. You had shot up from your bed and placed a hand to your temple. What was your dream just now? It didn’t feel like other dreams but rather a vision of the past… a past that wasn’t yours but yet still felt like it. You laughed to yourself a bit, realizing another dream of this nature had crept up on you… Water. You were really thirsty and could use a quick walk to clear your head. You made your way down to your dormitory’s kitchen to have a glass of something to drink. The evening was rather cool and the sky was surprisingly clear with the moon illuminating your way. Even after your drink you still felt restless, your dreams were getting to you more and more each time you had them. No doubt you dreamt about “their” regrets…

~“You’re still awake?” You hear someone familiar address you in the dead of the night. You jump a bit and ask who’s there. They step out of the shadows and reveal themselves to be…

Shiro

~“Couldn’t sleep?” He asks with a gentle smile. You were relieved it was just him. “Why, who were you expecting?” You told him not to worry about it too much and asked if he couldn’t sleep either. “Ah, yeah. I’ve been having some trouble myself… so I thought coming down and making some tea to help me fall asleep easier.” You asked if tea really does help him sleep since it’s actually just caffeine. “True, but my brew actually has me ending up rather tired often.” That didn’t sound so bad so you asked if you could join him. “Of course. I’d love to have you as my tea mate.”

~Shiro didn’t take long brewing up some tea for two people and handed you a cup as you two sat on the floor in the kitchen. “I’m sorry it couldn’t have been more formal. I wasn’t expecting to have company.” You told him it was fine and took a sip after letting it cool considerably. You complimented him on the tea. “Thank you, I normally have this when I’m up late and need a quick solution to ease my nerves.” You commented on the flavor and how it really does help you feel more at ease and how you understand what he means. “Well, what about you. What’s been on your mind?” You told him it was nothing major and that you just had a bad dream was all. “Are you sure…?” You downplayed it by saying that was all. “But… have you been crying?” You chuckled at Shiro’s perceptive nature and how you couldn’t let anything fly past him. You explained to Shiro that the details of your dreams escaped you, the pain of them felt all the real. Like there was something you were trying to desperately reach for but ultimately ended up in the same state of tears and sweat. Shiro absorbed every word of your story all the while. You pondered what if this is what the future has in store for you. Just to crush your spirit all over again? It was very suffocating to be honest… but then, Shiro took your hand into his. “I think I’ve heard what I needed to hear.” You gave him a bit of a confused look and asked him what he meant. “I know you’ve got a lot of your own anxieties much different from the rest of us, and I know you’ve got a heavier burden than any of us do. But, I can’t help but admire you for it. You always seem to find the middle road for everyone even if it seems impossible. I honestly don’t know how you do such out of line thinking… quite illogical really.” You weren’t quite sure how to take his words right now. “I look up to you for being so different. Honestly without you I don’t think I would even be me right now without you there.” You remember that Shiro almost lost himself to Yog Sototh and the honest nightmare that was to deal with. You also remembered that you were right there to pull him out of that darkness. “See? That’s why I believe that no matter how dark things get, you can always find your way back.” You thanked Shiro for his kind words and started tearing up again. Anymore crying and you might have to start using them to water the plants around campus. Shiro laughed at your joke. “You know, I’m glad I had tea for two tonight…”

~It was then you made a request of Shiro. “You want me to- what?” He looked at you dumbfounded. You proposed that you both could sleep in the same room to help get to sleep. “T-That’s against the rules…! And it sounds… indecent…” You apologized for such a crazy idea and tried to leave. “No, uh… would you prefer your room or mine?” You remembered how warm his hand was before calling it a night…

Kengo

~“Hey, take it easy…” He yawned. “What are you even up this late for?” You? You could ask him the same thing. “Training, of course.” Of course he was, what else could he be doing. You tried wishing him a good night and leaving but… “Hold up.” He said. “Partner, have you been alright? Earlier today you weren’t all that awake during training today.” You tried insisting it was nothing but your guildmate was having none of that. “Nice try, but ain’t happenin. C’mon I’ll treat you to a drink before bed.”

~Kengo got you both some fuzzy lemonades that he had picked up on the way back. He liked to have a few before bed but didn’t mind sharing one with you. You thanked him but said you didn’t need one. “Don’t be stupid and have a drink. Don’t worry too much about things like that.” Kengo took a big gulp and a sigh of relief. “There’s nothing quite like a cold lemonade after a long session~.” You replied with similar sentiments since a drink like this on a hot summer day just recharges you in a sense. “Heh, that too. So, what are you doing up this late? I was getting some extra training in now thanks to Shiro’s study sessions cutting into my daytime training, but you were totally asleep.” You asked him how he’d know you went to bed right away. “Details, details. Just tell me what’s up.” Kengo’s expression went from his usual cheery self to a more serious one of concern. You made a comment about how he probably already knew but you were having trouble staying asleep. The memories kept flooding back in painful bits and chunks- about your other selves, about those who you lost, and about how you died… all of that kept coming back to haunt you. Memories that you never asked for. Sometimes you wondered what the point of it all was if it just might happen all over again? These were things you’d been holding in for an awfully long while now. You tried laughing it off and saying it was pretty dumb to focus on the past so much, but it really did bother you since you did sink your head down and refused to look him in the face while you spoke. “Partner…” Kengo said, not losing his stern expression. Then he did something unexpected. You felt his hand gently pat you on the head, which caught you off guard. “That’s enough bullshit about how it’s all pointless, yeah? I don’t know what kinda shit you’ve been through but… seeing that memory for myself is why I’m training… and it’s why you’re our leader too. We’re both trying to stop all of that from happening over and over again. So… we can protect everyone and stop hurting for a change…” He was being surprisingly gentle with you. “Plus, without you there trying with me I’d no doubt be left for dead. All I ever know how to do is hit what’s staring right at me.” You recalled your times with Kengo whenever you had reached out to save him, you had always been there to help him power through his issues. “See? It’s always been you there with me. It’s why I’m proud to call you my partner.” You were surprised at how cheesy Kengo could really be, something he didn’t take kindly to and proceeded to smack you over the head. “Idiot, I’m serious! I need you…!” You agreed and apologized for your lame joke. You needed him too, since he was sort of like your rock. “Hmph, look who’s the cheesy one now?”

~With Kengo back, and not really wanting to get caught, you tried to compromise for the two of you. “You want me to what? But you don’t even have a second bed in your dorm! How are we both supposed to sleep?” You proposed that sharing a bed was always an option, and swore this time to keep your teasing to a minimum. “N-No, that’s… Rrgh, fine… I owe you one regardless. I’ll make sure you get to sleep just soundly. Just promise to lay close…” The last thing you remember before falling asleep was the gentleness Kengo had for you…

Ryota

~You heard Ryota yawn rather carelessly as he shuffled his way into visibility. He looked exhausted no doubt. You asked him what the heck he was doing up at this hour. “Food… I need to replenish…” So a late night snack was it? “Mhm…” Ryota rubbed the sleep out of his eyes a bit and began to come more and more to. “Huh? What’s wrong?” Ryota asked you once he got a clear view of you. You told him you couldn’t sleep and that something to eat was sounding pretty good right about now. “Lucky for you I keep a stash of goodies in the cupboards. So let’s dig in~.” You wanted to ask how but a sudden wave of hunger kept you preoccupied.

~After dining on Ryota’s snacks and having some warm milk to go with it, Ryota yawned with satisfaction as the two of you sat back and rested. “Mmm, I could fall asleep right here.” He said, to which you ask him he didn’t since no doubt the teachers or Shiro would give him an earful later. “Right… I gotta make sure I get to bed. But, what about you? Why are you awake? You didn’t even know I had snacks and your eyes were all puffy.” Ah… You were having a hard time finding the words since you didn’t want to upset Ryota so late at night. So you simply told him you weren’t feeling all that well so you came to get some water. “Yeah, but why were you crying…? Did you have a bad dream?” Looks like there wasn’t gonna be an easy way out of this one. So you decided to tell the truth despite how skiddish you’d rather have been. You told Ryota about your recent dreams and how they’ve been affecting you at night. They were very sad and scary dreams that worried you about the future. Whether or not your reasons for fighting at all were ever going to amount to much if everything will just be reset anyway, and everyone will just keep up the cycle of love and pain. It was difficult to process it all which is why you cried when you woke up from it. Ryota gave a bit of a sniffle but let you continue, clearly doing his best to keep it together. You remembered how everything in town came back down to you and your decisions, so you were always hoping that what you’ve chosen to do up until now was the right choice or not. Or maybe everyone would be better off without you. “-Stop it.” Ryota suddenly said. You tried asking him what he meant but he cut you off by pulling you into an embrace. “I said stop it!” You were shocked and asked him to keep his voice down, that he might wake up others.  “I can’t! My friend is saying that they want to disappear and I can’t stand another minute of it!” He snapped. “I don’t care what the rest of Tokyo thinks, I don’t care what your past was- none of that matters! What matters is the person right in front of me! What matters most to me is right in front of me and I don’t want to lose them!” Ryota looked just about ready to cry. You remembered that Ryota was the first ever friend you made when arriving in Tokyo despite knowing zero about you. You remembered all the times he stuck his neck out for you and how he wanted to do nothing more than to help you. You gave Ryota a pat on the head and told him to calm down, that you had no plans of going anywhere anytime soon. Especially not when your best friend needs you still. “Do you mean that?” Ryota asked. “Do you really, really mean it?” You told him of course you did and that his hug was starting to hurt a bit. Embarrassed, Ryota finally let go of you. “O-Okay! So long as you promise, then I… I won’t be so scared.”

~Given Ryota’s current state you couldn’t just leave him to walk back to his room alone and offered to spend the night together. Especially because you didn’t want to be alone anymore. “Sure thing. We could make it a… a… a slumber party!” You told him to keep his voice down and that it’d just be the two of you. “Just the two of us…? That doesn’t sound so bad… actually, that sounds nice…” You remembered the gentle look Ryota had when he slept before feeling at ease yourself and drifting off…

Toji

~“At ease, it’s only me.” Toji said. “It’s rather late, isn’t it?” You apologized and admitted you were quite startled, but then asked what he was doing alone at this hour. “I usually take an evening stroll. It helps me get unwind after a long day.” You admitted that sounds just like him, always diligent. “Would you like to walk with me? You seem to have a lot on your mind.” Toji asked, quickly noticing the distress on your face. You told him that sounded rather nice and agreed to go with him wherever for a little while.

~Toji took you around the dormitory perimeter under the moonlight. The two of you stopped at a nearby bench. He then handed you a bottled water that was still cold. You asked him when he managed to grab one. “I did so before our walk. Water usually helps clear the mind and the skin. A clean body is a clean mind after all.” You can’t remember anyone saying that ever. “It’s just something I made up…” You took a sip of water and felt more refreshed weirdly. Maybe it was the water under the moonlight but it certainly helped you calm down. “However you seem troubled. Perhaps I could help, only if you wish to speak about it.” Oh boy, where to begin… you pondered for a minute and then began to explain  that the memories from your pasts were haunting you. “I see. I too get haunted by specters of the past… please continue.” They were manifesting themselves into your dreams, but none of the good memories, you’d only ever see the ones that end with you dying horribly or at the hands of someone you care about. Not only that the sheer number of times you’ve perished only seemed to grow with each passing night. Just how many times have you met your end and how many more ties have yet to come? It was just too much for you to bear… as you explained Toji listened with intent and allowed a moment of silence to fall onto both of you. Then after giving you a moment to breathe he rested your head on his shoulder and began to explain. “I know that the past is hard. It is on all of us, but I never once imagined how hard it must be you to learn so many things about a time before all of this. There’s one thing I do know however. At the end of the day you’re still you. The you that’s here is the one that’s in front of me, and that’s all that matters. You’re past changes nothing about this fact, and I feel I’m starting to understand that finally. For a long time I admittedly didn’t have much of a high opinion of you…” Those were times you didn’t particularly like, but still remembered them fondly weirdly. Toji was downright antagonistic towards you. “But now I feel very different. However much the past may haunt you, remember that they’re only phantoms that can’t hurt you.” Your mind began to wander towards all the times you comforted and reached out to Toji at his lowest point. How the tides have changed… “Did you say something?” You told him it was nothing and thanked him for being by your side. “Of course, it is what I am wont to do after all. You have my gratitude all the same.”

~Since it was late you extended an invite for Toji to join you in your room. At that question he lifted you off his shoulder. “Have you gone mad!?” He asked. “Not only is that against the rules, but that is indecent!” You told him to calm down and that you only wanted help falling asleep. “ah… P-Please excuse my outburst I…” He cleared his throat. “I proudly accept to guard you tonight.” You remember falling asleep at night speaking with Toji and having him almost fall asleep in a chair at your bedside before making room for him to join you…

[masked-disciple]

1, 4, 5, 6, 11, 15, 21, 22, 23 for the writers ask?

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

Currently, I’m working on a fic titled A Monstrous Manifesto, which is a fic entirely inspired by Cat Valente’s poem of the same name. Every line is a chapter, every noun is a part of that chapter, and every single beast named corresponds to a Spectre, allowing me to dig directly into their heads and demonstrate their full psychology. 

Progress stopped unfortunately back in July on part four - a fiend, which I picked Deadly Beetle Stand for, because I just couldn’t get into his head. Kiril played soundboard for it and I’ve been humming and hawing over him trying to figure it out, but let’s be real it’s gonna come to me in a dream.

Because see here, most folks who’ve read my works, if told to point to my best, it’ll either be a) my breakthrough with Armour Adventures (which tbh if I redid I’d do better on), b) In Kismet Marcescence (which I need to sit down and plot out properly before I continue), or c) rather unexpectedly to me, Green Grows The Asphodel. Guess everyone likes that soft MiAlba where Alba gets his bastardization arc, but also I let him speedrun it in Broken Shine The Stars and people seem to like that one too, so.

The thing is with AMM is that this would be my greatest work. Like AA, it’s gen, but here’s the one advantage I’ve realized I actually have over pretty much everyone else in this fandom: I am myself a monster, fictionkind and all. I’m a Devil and a feral little beast, which means when you offer me Spectres - warriors of the dark and death who are all based around animal motifs - I take one look and go “oh! You’re like me!” and proceed to write them as actual monsters while having some unspoken and long-winded conversation about what it means to be human, what it means to be shunned, and what it means to belong among the broken.

It means that I write Spectres wildly different than anyone who isn’t Kiril (who is on the same wavelength as me and we argue back and forth about the inner details of everyone’s monstrosity), which means when I do it, nobody’s seen this shit before and apparently people seem to think it’s cool. So AMM is the very epitome of that style, of that psychological and philosophical discussion. I don’t really have a background of research in either of those things, so any similarities to works or theories already out there is entirely coincidence. Cat Valente’s poem was the first stepping stone I ever took to accepting myself for who - and what - I am. I owe as much of my identity and confidence to her as I do Zamorakian philosophy, which built my personality and is a major part of how I survived the middle school era of my life. The least I can do in return is offer the best of me out into the world.

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

“Somewhere deep below conscious thought, below his training and the life and this Lemurian body, buried under lifetimes of war, buried under the idea that a Spectre was a fighter, his blood remembered how to love the memory of the fallen.” - Beneath Blood Ties

BBT is one of my most unappreciated fics, which makes sense as it’s set almost two thousand years prior to Classic, starring a fourteen-year-old Lemurian Minos and the Saint who raised him, Aries Kirien, whose name is probably still spelled Kiriel at least once in the fic because no beta we die like Gold Saints.

The original inspiration comes from Seanan McGuire’s Once Broken Faith, and the line in question is Toby reading the Luidaeg’s blood memories after the latter told a young Karen that she couldn’t speak Faerie even in her dreams - she speaks it in her blood memories, and Toby notes that her blood remembers.

It stuck with me, though I’ve read OBF approximately a million times. It, along with A Killing Frost and An Artificial Night, are my three top Toby books. And it responded to me as someone who’s fictionkind: I couldn’t speak the language I spoke as a Devil in my dreams, or in the waking world, but I know some part of me remembers it. Would know how. The Chaorruption filters all of that into English because it thinks it’s helping, but if I were a magical creature right now, in this world, I’m pretty sure my blood would remember.

So I wrote about Minos, and the sorrow he carried. The premise of BBT is that a Pope realized some Spectres come back, went around before they became Spectres, and kidnapped the lot of them to train as Saints, leaving them all traumatized as fuck, unsure of who they were or who they followed, and messed up for lifetimes. I also wanted to show more that Spectres were more than what the Holy Wars made of them, and about digging through that exotrauma to remember that they could be kind.

Spectres, originally, would make sense as really just Hades’ servants and the ones who keep the Meikai running. Pretty sure that means they know every single death rite that’s existed in the past three millennia. Pretty sure they know how to be respectful of the dead. Pretty damn sure that below all that soldiering and war, they’re all really exhausted librarians who want to do their job and also dig graves.

But I like this sentence here best, because that’s pretty much the climax of the plot here: that there is, in fact, something underneath all his exotrauma, all the current trauma he’s been dealing with. That below all of that bitterness and war, he’s a better person than what Athena made of him.

Idk, I just think it’s neat and no I’m not projecting being ‘kin on him again. /j

5. What character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

Albafica, to nobody’s surprise. I mean, come on. A guy with a fuckton of traditionally-feminine beauty whose looks keep getting brought up, is very introverted, has seen some shit, just wants to kill people who hurt what he cares about while also not hurting the people he does care about, really wants you to keep your damn distance, is super touchstarved, and holding onto his humanity with his fingertips? Come on the only things he’s got that I don’t is an actual male reproductive system and naturally blue hair.

Once you realize that especially in TLC Athena’s actions are pretty damn horrific, especially to her Saints, Albafica has the perfect setup to become a Spectre. Seriously, if he’d been offered Luco’s deal but while holding a dying Lugonis, do you really think he wouldn’t have taken it? I explore that more in Broken Shine The Stars, but like. Albafica is the perfect fallen angel of a character. He has genuinely good intentions. He’s hurting so damn bad and only fucking once in his entire onscreen performance is that acknowledged (shoutout to Luco for that one), and if you take his sorrow and let him turn it into anger, he’s a glorious monster indeed. Albafica’s descend into monstrosity and Spectrehood is exactly what would happen if I got angry and also hadn’t been fucking nerfed physically.

I love him way too much.

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

Surprisingly, Aiacos. Alba’s hard as fuck to write. Aiacos, though. You’ve heard me go off about Aiacos at length, but like. He’s the very embodiment of the worst person you can become while still loving, still surviving. Aiacos is the type of person we’re all capable of becoming, and we all should be terrified of becoming, because every single choice he’s ever made is completely understandable and that much more horrific for it.

It’s somewhat unsurprisingly easy to get into his head. He’s fun to write because he scares me. Because if I let him do all the dumb, selfish, sadistic-looking, survival-focused things, then I don’t have to worry about doing it myself. I let him look out for only himself when the pieces are down, so I can do better.

Also I haven’t seen anyone else write him that way (Kiril being the obvious exception here), so it’s double the fun because new territory.

11. What do you envy in other writers?

Hey. Hey you fuckers who can plot shit. Give me the number of the demon you sold your soul to. Let me PLOT SHIT.

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Summaries! Titles are easy, I steal them from songs and Toby books. They’re just fancy wordplay and I have literally a list on my fic spreadsheet of titles I want to use. Summaries, though, are very important. People don’t pick fics based on title and tags, they pick based on summary. They’re your hook into the work, so you’ve got to give the audience your premise short and sweet and actually sounding appealing.

Sometimes I can write them no problemo. Other times, they’re a fucking nightmare. I try to imply the tone of the ending in my summary, because I have absolutely been blindsided by the ending in a way I really didn’t like because I thought the summary was hiding the ending. (Example - there was this one fic that made it sound like my OTP was going enemies to lovers, and it wasn’t, it wasn’t, it needed the fucking dead dove do not eat tag, stopped just short of serious nonsexual noncon (which wasn’t tagged at all), and ended very unhappily and it messed me up for days, I did not like it.)

So for my summaries I set the scene, set the tone, and imply the tone of the ending so you have a vague idea of where it’s going. Easier said than done.

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well as? (film, webcomic, animated series?)

Anime, probably! Manga wouldn’t lend itself too well to my style, but I’d enjoy short anime episodes, I think. I honestly don’t know. Someone tell me what my stuff would work good as. I dunno.

22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

For fic, all the time! I write what I want to read, and since six out of seven of the Dohko/Kagaho works on AO3 were my fault, I’d better get used to reading my own writing for pleasure. Fortunately, I like most of my writing recently, so that’s pretty all right!

Don’t ask about what I had up on ff.net. Don’t. It’s old and bad and I didn’t know how to write.

23. What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?

Hmmm... I want to rephrase this better as ‘what fic exists only as a concept and has done so for the longest out of all the concepts of fics currently in my head’, and hmmmm. Honestly, it’s either Shion and Aiacos’ romance fic where they also get a daughter (which has a title actually, The Lost Sea Fantasia, but still hasn’t been written); or it’s Wyvern Rose and the Trials of Lightning, which is about 15th century Rhada’s two daughters, the elder of which is surprise-given his surplice and his job when he dies right before Hades does, and the younger of which is kidnapped by a spiteful goddess who doesn’t like the elder of the two.

ToL is a fic that I have somewhat plotted out, but really needs a lot of work. I’m not really sure how to go about writing it, because whenever I sit down to sketch it out, it never comes to me. It does, however, lend itself well as a bedtime / campfire story that Albafica tells Regulus while they’re out on a mission together, as part of Alba sneakily teaching Regu how to be a Spectre without anyone knowing. It’ll stay a concept for a long while until Rose crashes into my headspace and actually fucking tells me more about herself other than “oh yeah btw I’m fucking Julia” like thanks, already knew that from Julia herself, tell me more about you you awful little Judge of a dragon princess.

[ask game here!]

[alphawave-writes]

Prophets and Messengers Chapter 4: Beyond Taste

Synopsis: Sigma must perform the ritual and say goodbye to Harold. But can he really commit to losing the love of his life? And does he have the guts to confess his love before it's too late?

Read it here on or AO3. You guys can also find me on twitter @alphawave13.

If you like my writing, please do support me by buying me a ko-fi, becoming a patron on Patreon or requesting a commission from me.

-

It took some time for Sigma to get everything he needed for the ritual. It could have taken a much shorter time, but the townsfolk were whispering now of the dangerous criminal Dr. Wen. There was now a story to the name, of a man who rose to incredible heights but flew too close to the sun, of a degenerate who used humans and animals as test subjects for his cruel experiments, of a deviant who betrayed his former employer to wreak havoc upon the lands of Oasis. It was a complete fabrication, but it was enough to keep Harold put at the temple, afraid to venture outside.

"They don't know Dr. Wen is you," Sigma said for what felt like the hundredth time.

"But they don't know it's not me," Harold sighed. "Look, I might dress like the people, but it's obvious I'm not from these parts. It didn't take long for people to put two and two together that I'm a foreigner."

"You seem to underestimate the idiocy of the people around us. We have time. It's fine."

Harold lowered his head. The sound of his hands rubbing together nervously made Sigma frown.

"Don't tell me…"

"One of the guards figured out," Harold morosely said.

Sigma felt his heart lurch in his chest. "And…did they say anything?"

"No," he uttered. "They're not going to do anything. It's our little secret. But the fact that he figured it out isn't reassuring. It won't be long before luck and faith runs dry, and I'm strung up for all eternity."

It was a relief that Harold was safe for now, but that brought a new problem. "You know someone needs to go to town to get the last ingredient."

"Can't you ask one of the guards then?"

"They don't have any connection to magic, either innately, learned, or by the generosity of the spirits. People like us are a rarity." Most people learned magic through intensive learning. Few had such natural, innate ability like Harold. Even fewer gained their powers through a pact with the spirits. "Even if they knew what to look for, they won't be able to sense if it's genuine or a dud."

"And just what is it do they need to look for anyway?"

"Aqua vitae ," Sigma turned to Harold. "You might know it as aqueous ethanol."

"Sigma, I'm an alchemist, of course I know what aqua vitae is." Harold frowned. "Does it have to be pure?"

Sigma nodded. "The slightest imperfection will ruin the spell. The person who wrote the original spell was very specific about this detail. Though your spell differs slightly from the texts, by my calculations, I too will need it to be pure."

"But I can't go out there. They'll arrest me," Harold said.

"I know," Sigma grumbled. "I'll have to do it."

"But you're still blind. No amount of spirits and magic can cure that. Not even mine. Not for how long you're going to be out."

"It'll be the first time I've went to town since I found this temple." His lips dipped into a frown. "I must admit, it's been so long I almost forgot how the markets looked like, and what it felt like to be around people." Quieter, he said, "I wonder if they still remember me for the monster I was, and the destruction I brought. I wouldn't blame them." 

Harold tutted his lips slightly, and then he reached out for Sigma's hand. He traced symbols on Sigma's palm, golden energy seeping from his touch, painting the pale skin. From this brief touch, Sigma felt warmth filter through his body as Harold's emotions—happiness, discontent, love—flooded Sigma's mind. He wished he could transmit his own feelings as easily as Harold transmitted his. He knew all the twists and turns in Harold's mind by now, where to go to see exactly the thoughts and feelings when they sprung up. But it didn't work the other way around. Sigma had tried to bridge the gap, to reveal more of himself and his past, but he could never open himself so fully and so willingly as Harold did. If he did, would Harold still love him? Even after all the atrocities he'd caused in the past? 

Harold finished, and Sigma felt a strange sigil emblazoned on his hand, pulsating slowly. Harold lifted his own hand to reveal an identical sigil, its own unique energy throbbing with every bit of blood that pumped around his body. "Tracker spell," Harold explained. "If you get yourself lost or in danger, we'll find each other. Just think of me and the path to me will reveal itself, no eyesight required."

Sigma traced the sigil with his fingers, trying to remember its shape and texture. As he reared his head up, a sudden thought intruded into his mind. He wanted to kiss Harold. He wanted to hold him close, and press their lips together, and sink into a bottomless abyss. But he couldn't. Harold may have said they were soulmates, but even that simple fact wouldn't stop them from drifting away. A spell like this wouldn't help when they're hundreds of miles away, separated by distance and time.

Sigma went to his bedroom and dressed himself inconspicuously for his trip to town. A robe over his body, some feet coverings, and a shawl for good measure. His bandana was removed and left on a dresser, his scarred eyes barely hidden by a dark head covering. It wouldn't hide his identity from everyone, but it might be enough to let him go through the town without attracting too much attention. He bid farewell to Harold, who surprised him with a kiss on the cheek, and then drifted away before Sigma could even say anything, let alone reciprocate. As Sigma left, the noises of clothes and items stuffed into crates reminded him that this happiness was only temporary, and that Harold's departure was imminent.

He walked through the town, trying to blend in with the locals, but it was obvious that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Without his bandana, he could see the shapes shift and twist, of heads turning in his direction in curiosity, or perhaps fear. He was tall, and he was pale, and he did not belong. No amount of clothes could cover that. A wave of panic made his lungs constrict as he remembered the last time he tried to hide in the crowd, hours after his escape from Talon as he tried to weave his way through the markets in search of safety. His mind shifted, the oppressive darkness of an old memory fading away, the golden light of Harold's form replacing it.

Funny how just thinking about Harold used to get him so pent up, and now it gave him comfort. A small smile flickered on his lips like lightning.

Soon, Sigma found his way to a market stall. It was inconspicuous, nestled between two more popular shops, but for the few mystics in town, it was well known for supplying the best (though not necessarily most legal) products for magic and spells. The owner had not moved his stall since Sigma's last visit, which was a relief. What was not so much of a relief was the new owner; the son of the first owner. He had a lighter voice and a smaller gait, and much sharper features. They tried to sweettalk the other citizens as they tried to hurry on by, but it wasn't working. His voice wasn't as smooth and soothing as Harold's.

No voice could compare with Harold's, Sigma idly thought.

The younger shopkeeper turned to Sigma and chuckled. "I finally get to see you, dear Oracle."

Sigma frowned. "I don't believe we've met," he said in the Iraqi tongue, wincing at his atrocious attempt at the local dialect. He needed to practice more often.

"Your assistant has been to my shop many times, and each time he always tells me stories about you." There was excitement in his voice. "Is it true that you command the spirits?"

"I am here for aqua vitae,” Sigma ignored the comment.

“Yes, yes, Charon sent a message to me earlier. Told me to expect you. I have it here, ready and waiting for you, sir.”

Sigma took the flask the shopkeeper offered and glanced at it. There was a faint magical energy around it, playing a little melody that Sigma recognised. These melodies were like signatures, and this melody was in perfect memory, exactly how he remembered it sounding when he was a fresh-faced scientist. There was no doubt about it. It was pure aqua vitae , bottled and ready for use.

As Sigma counted the amount of coins he needed to pay, he suddenly realized how long Harold had stayed with him. It was short, but it felt far longer than that, like years instead of a month. He almost forgot Charon was the name he went by with most people. He forgot that the name Harold was a special privilege that Sigma alone could wield.

He couldn’t stop the tiny little smile from creeping up his face. The shopkeeper noticed. “He likes you,” he commented.

Sigma bristled. “I-I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Aww, don’t be shy, it’s fine. It’s cool. Love transcends all barriers, don’t it?”

Sigma blushed. He wished love could transcend any barrier, but it wouldn't transcend the barrier that was distance and time. Nothing could. “Perhaps he does,” Sigma finally said.

The shopkeeper grinned. “Does he know you like him too?”

“It’s a bit more than like, and no, he does not know. There’s no reason to tell him. He will be leaving soon.”

“Isn’t that the best time to tell him then?”

Sigma opened his mouth but didn’t have a rebuttal planned. Instead, he paid the man the money he was owed.

The shopkeeper bowed. “Think about what I said, Oracle. I’d hate to lose a paying customer, and I’d especially hate to see you both leave without saying goodbye properly.”

The rest of the journey back to the temple, Sigma just stared at his hand, marveling at the sigil that Harold had crafted for him. The spell was potent, golden waves highlighting the way back home. As he walked, Sigma realised that Harold had done more for him than he did for Harold. He had to amend that mistake. If he could not prove his affection in words, then he shall reveal it with his actions.

The journey to the temple was fortunately uneventful, apart from the few whispers about Dr. Wen. Harold was by the entrance, lips pulled into a smile, but Sigmadid not stop to say hello to Harold. Instead, he beckoned him to the inner most chamber of the temple. A room that even Sigma himself rarely entered.

The prayer room was a hot spot of magical energy. It was so strong that Sigma would often lose the spirits to the many others that inhabited this room. A lot of these other spirits were trapped demons, stored in eternally burning candles that never melted. Others were house spirits, meant to protect the priests and priestesses and their charges. A few were drawn here by the spirits at Sigma's command, hoping perhaps to feed on his mind once Sigma's pact broke. Hot spots like these were rare things, due to the constant movement of the spirits within their realm. Part of Sigma's research had been into the formation of magic hot spots such as this one, but the last time he tried to form one, he ended up losing his eyesight and gaining powers beyond his mortal understanding.

Even with the magic the spirits gave him, it wouldn’t be enough for this spell. Sigma could only perform it here, where the magic was strongest. It gave him the greatest chance of success.

It also gave him the greatest chance of Harold dying if he failed.

Harold put his hand out in front of him, feeling the ebb and flow of the spirit realm’s energy. He drew the tiniest portion in, observing it as it travelled through his body before releasing it.

“I can see why I’ve never seen you in this room before,” Harold chuckled nervously.

Sigma frowned, but concentrated his powers to make the correct summoning circle. The spirits knew what it was, and they had no reason not to betray him. They would be feasting on Harold’s life force. They’d never hunger again, if they did their job correctly.

“This is really happening. You’re going to be making me mortal,” Harold whispered. He didn’t sound happy. In fact, he sound utterly depressed.

“You cannot doubt yourself. This is what you wanted.”

“I…I know this is what I wanted, but I…” Harold trailed off.

Sigma sighed quietly as he approached Harold. He placed his hand on Harold’s shoulder, rubbing it slowly. “I understand this is frightening.”

“It’s not that, it’s just…when I first sought you out I had nothing to live for. All my loved ones will die while I lived on, I’d never get to live in peace because I’d always be chased to the ends of the earth. But then I found you, and suddenly there was something worth living for." He took Sigma's hands into his own. "You reminded me that there's beauty in the world. That every day we live is a gift, and I shouldn't squander the gift I've been given. And…and something else."

Sigma felt Harold's breath on his cheek and realised they had both leaned in unconsciously, centimetres away from each other's faces. "W-what is this something else?"

"You know already." Harold's lips twitched into a frown. "Do I really have to spell it out to you?"

Sigma wanted to say no, but that would be a lie. The strings between their bodies had reappeared, pulsating with energy. Sigma plucked one, but instead of that familiar feeling of hands on his most sensitive parts, now he felt something else. Something soft and malleable, pressing against his lips. If he opened his mouth, he might even taste something sweet flicker around the cavern of his mouth before plunging deep into his throat. It'd taste magnificent, like the nectar of the gods.

Harold let go of Sigma's hands, only for his fingers to creep up the fabric of his bodysuit. His palms were flat against Sigma's chest, their magical energies swirling and spiraling.

Sigma felt his throat constrict. "You…you can't."

"I'm sorry," Harold whispered.

"You have to go after this, I…I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you."

"It's not about whether either of us deserve it or not. I want you. I need you." He stroked Sigma's face. "Please, Siebren. One more time, before I go."

Sigma so wanted to give in to Harold's touch. In another life, maybe he could. In this life however, he gently guided the hands down, letting Harold's emotions and memories fade away from his mind. "W-we cannot. I cannot. We have a ritual to perform, and…and if you don't want me to do it, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Harold stared at Sigma for several seconds, and then several more.

"Harold?" Sigma whispered.

"I thought...I thought you wanted me too. I thought we were soulmates." The golden energy that surrounded his body dimmed slightly. "I guess it doesn't matter anymore."

"Harold..."

"Do it then, the spell," he said. His voice was completely devoid of life. "Make me mortal."

Sigma frowned. "Are you su—"

"I said, do it." His voice crackled with emotion. "Just…just do it already and I'll get out of your hair. That's what I hired you to do anyway, isn't it?"

Sigma knew this was wrong, but he had to live with it now. He ordered Harold to stand in the centre of the salt circle, let the spirits flow their magic through his body, closed his eyes, and began the chant.

The candles and items that he had prepared began to rattle, his tongue rattling off words in Dutch. The spell could work in any language, but he had to recall the spell perfectly with no flaws or stutters. He'd practiced and practiced until his throat was sore, and he knew he could perform it perfectly. If Harold broke the salt circle, Harold would be fine but the trapped demons would leave and the room would lose its magical essence and they'd never be able to perform the spell again. If Sigma faltered, the room would keep its essence, but the trapped demons would attack, taking as much life essence as their starving mouths would muster.

Harold followed along with Sigma, chanting when asked to, performing certain actions when ordered to, but he did it all without his usual vigour. Sigma tried not to falter, but he couldn't help but think about the consequences. If he succeeded in this spell, Harold would leave. If he failed the spell, Harold would be dead or he'd leave. He tried to consult the spirits and get a glimpse into his own future, but they remained silent, refusing to give him even an offer.

Sigma was trapped to a life of loneliness, and he could not live like this again. Not when Harold brightened up the desolate hallways, making the temple smell and feel and taste like a home. Not when Harold kept him warm in the inside and out, making him feel safe and loved.

Everything was beginning to rattle. The spirits had emerged, in plain view despite Sigma's blindness, flitting about the room in a circle, obeying Sigma's command. On Sigma's order, they'll feast on Harold's lifestream, and on Sigma's order they'll retreat, taking just enough for Harold to live the rest of his natural life, give and take a year according to Sigma's calculations.

It was just one action. One thing to do. This action will determine the course of their lives forever.

"Sigma?" Harold asked.

There was a spot of wetness underneath Sigma's bandana, dripping down to stain his cheeks. His throat felt tight and his muscles screamed for him to stop. But why? Why couldn't he do it? Why couldn't he make Harold mortal? Why couldn't he just let Harold drift out of orbit, never to be heard or felt again?

This wasn't what Harold wanted. Was this what Sigma wanted?

"Siebren?" Harold whispered.

Sigma felt the world shatter around him, and then he stepped forward, displacing the salt circle and breaking the spell. Harold cowered as the spirits let out a deathly screech, angry at this betrayal, but Sigma used his magic to summon a barrier between them. The spirits tried to attack, but they weren't quick enough, Sigma deploying and redeploying the barrier, taking in beat after beat of destructive energy. After a minute of this relentless onslaught, the demons left the chamber, leaving it hollow but safe. The hot spot was no more.

Sigma huffed a breath in exertion, and then he heard the sound of Harold's footsteps approaching him. He expected Harold to grab him and push him to the wall, pressing his hands into Sigma's broad shoulders. He did not expect it to hurt as much as it did.

"W-why did you do that?"

"I-I couldn't do it. I couldn't let you be mortal."

"But why?" Harold asked.

"Because I…I…" Sigma grunted, unable to speak as more tears flowed down his cheeks. He suddenly knew why it was so hard to open up. He was scared of what Harold would see beneath the surface, scared that Harold might hate him. Fear had constricted him like a python, making him weak and foolish. That was what it was, wasn't it? He was weak, and foolish, and totally undeserving of the warm radiant light that was Harold Winston.

Harold's hands were on his face, pulling the bandana up to look at his tearful eyes. "Tell me," he whispered.

"I…" Sigma knew he couldn't say it in words. But maybe he could show it in another way. Slowly he cradled Harold's face, letting his fingers feel his nose, his eyelids, his maddening little stubble, and then finally his lips.

He loved Harold, he thought to himself, as he leaned forward and pressed a slow kiss to Harold's lips.

Harold gasped, not expecting the intrusion but not fighting it either, his lips parting to let his tongue peek out, slithering to the slit between Sigma's lips, pushing it open. Within the cavern of Sigma's mouth, he flicked his tongue to the roof, behind his teeth, trailing every sensitive part reverently. Sigma didn't hold back, gasping into Harold's kiss. He wanted—no, needed Harold to know what he felt. Harold needed to know everything about him. He couldn't hide anymore.

Sigma suddenly grabbed Harold by the shoulders, flipping them over so that he was pressing Harold into the wall instead. Harold moaned, his own hands trailing down Sigma's chest, past his stomach to cup his groin. He was crying too, and Sigma kissed Harold's salty tears away. He wanted to remember Harold's taste, Harold's texture, Harold's scent. The way he moaned lowly and the way he looked and the way he felt so perfectly in his arms. He wanted to remember it all, he needed to remember it all. He loved him too much.

"I love you," Harold said suddenly, making Sigma moan shamefully.

"D-don't," Sigma whimpered.

"You love me too," Harold said, awestruck.

Sigma nodded quickly, lips pressed into a thin line. "I don't want you to go."

"Then come with me," he breathed.

Sigma blinked rapidly, his eyes clouded with tears. "I…how?"

Harold dug his hand into a secret pocket of his robes and took it out for Sigma to see. Even from this close, Sigma couldn't see the contents very well, but there was a huge amount of magical energy surrounding it, a haunting melody that defied all description. Sigma had never encountered such a thing in his life, but somehow he knew instantly what it was. The elixir of immortality. A potion for eternal life.

His eyes widened. "H-Harold…"

"Be immortal with me," Harold whispered. "We can be together forever. We'll never be apart."

"No…" Sigma whispered.

"We'll explore the world, I'll guide you along. I'll tell you what everything looks like. We can be together, we can do anything, and if it doesn't work out, we can start all over again."

"Do you really think you can love me for eternity?"

"I know I will," Harold said quietly. "I've seen you for who you are." He wiped a stray tear from Sigma's cheek with his thumb. "You keep forgetting I'm magical, Siebren. I can see into your mind too. I've seen the work you did as a scientist, the royals you worked for, the lives you helped. I've seen the ritual that cost you your sight, the way you flew too close to the sun in the pursuit of discovery. I know you fought tooth and nail to escape your tormentors, who sought to use your powers for evil. I know you care what others think about you, and I know you care about me."

"I'm scared," Sigma admitted. "I'm not the great Oracle the people think I am. I used to be great, back when I was Siebren, but I'm not that man anymore. I'm old, and I'm blind, and I'm fragile, and I'm weak. I don't deserve your love, and I don't deserve immortality."

"But you love me?" Harold breathed.

"Of course I do," Sigma whispered, equally as breathless. "For as long as I breathe, I will love you. But I can't accept your gift. And as much as I would love to, I can't run away with you."

Harold's eyes went cloudy as he stared at Sigma's lips. "So…so what do we do then?" He asked quietly.

Sigma felt Harold's cheek. "We remember each other. One last time."

Harold lowered his head but nodded. "One more time."

Harold moved to touch Sigma, but Sigma used his powers to pull Harold's hands above his head, returning the elixir of immortality back into Harold's pocket. He felt Harold's robes, trailing down to the edge near the bottom, exposing Harold's half-hard cock. He squirmed slightly in surprise, but didn't make a sound as Sigma captured his lips once again, his hand wrapping around the shaft and sliding up and down slowly. Sigma wanted to prolong this as much as he could. He wanted to remember Harold.

There was an explosive wave of emotions as Harold kissed back passionately, mitigating Sigma's powers long enough to wrap his arms tightly around Sigma's shoulders. Unlike before where it was a heap of emotions that overwhelmed Sigma's senses, now there were only two: sadness and love. The strings reappeared before their bodies and with his other hand, Sigma stroked them. Their bodies shivered at the same time as warm fingers trailed down the small of their back. As Harold panted, small begs and moans spilling eagerly, Sigma knew they were feeling the same thing. Their minds were truly one now.

Sigma played the strings like a harp, and a wave of hands—Harold's hands—touched his ass, pressing their slick heat into his puckered hole. Harold inhaled sharply, lips pulled up into a tight smile as the same thing happened to him.

"What do you feel?" Sigma asked, even though he knew exactly what Harold was feeling.

"Hot," Harold breathed. "Glorious. Ecstatic." He let out a small gasp as the invisible fingers breached past the band of muscle. " Everything ."

Sigma couldn't help but smile through the tears as he stroked the strings, letting the phantom hands caress their bodies and press their fingers further into their ass. Like their owners, the hands were hungry, pinching and twisting nipples, rubbing thighs and cocks, pressing lightly against their throats. Sigma captured Harold's lips again, and again, trails of saliva spilling down to Sigma's hand, which was still stroking Harold's cock at a moderate pace, spreading precum. It was so much at once, but Sigma relished in this feeling. For Harold, he'd give anything and everything. He was sure that Harold knew that too.

Sigma knew Harold was close, because he was getting close himself. He opened his mouth to ask, but Harold must have known, because his fingers dug into Sigma's shoulders, his body shaking in anticipation, or perhaps even desperation.

"I love you," Sigma groaned.

"I know," Harold huffed. "I love you."

"I know," Sigma said.

"I love you," Harold continued, knowing that it'll send spark after spark flying through Sigma's body. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

"Harold," Sigma whimpered.

"Siebren," Harold sighed.

Their mouths met, the strings vibrated, Harold moaned, and Sigma couldn't help but feel like the universe was guiding him to this euphoric, perfect moment. Their orgasms combined into one being, taking the strength out of their lungs as sticky lines dribbled in the space between them, staining the floor. Sigma wanted to collapse, wanted to fall asleep with Harold by his side, but Harold held him up before he might actually do so.

It took Harold a long time to let go of Sigma. Sigma, even longer to let go of Harold. They stared at each other, gazing into red-rimmed eyes, and then they held each other again and laughed, joyfully, tearfully, tragically.

Harold ran his thumb over Sigma's scars, a small smile playing on his lips. His hair was mussed up, and his glasses were tilted, and he was still only shapes and colours, but Sigma thought he was the most beautiful person in the world.

"Harold," Sigma said.

"Siebren, I…" Harold's eyes widened as he suddenly scrambled to clean himself up, a wave of panic transmitting through his touch.

Sigma barely heard the spirits warning of danger when the sound of glass breaking and candles bursting into flame surrounded his senses. There were footsteps, so many footsteps, and they were pointing weapons at him. Sigma summoned the hyperspheres, the weapons granted to him by the spirits for his servitude, but they were never meant to fight so many men at once. He hoped they didn't know that. Perhaps the act of intimidation might be enough to ward off the attackers.

There was one pair of footsteps that weren't like the rest. The click of heels on the stone floor. Sigma felt his face fall.

"Dr. de Kuiper," Lady O'Deorain said. "You've been lying to me."

Sigma unconsciously put a hand in front of Harold. Golden energy could faintly be felt behind him, growing in intensity. "Don't do this," Harold started.

"This is for the name of progress," she uttered.

"I won't let you touch him," Sigma growled, blocking Harold from Lady O'Deorain and her band of assassins.

"You won't?" Moira tutted her lips. "Do you realise how much I've done for you, letting you live here like this? If you disobey me, I will take you back to the organisation. Talon won't be so kind with their treatments, I can assure you."

Sigma remembered the serums and potions, the ones that tortured his body and soul. A spike of fear rose up but he thought of Harold, and successfully quelled it. "You can't touch Harold."

"I believe it's Dr. Wen, actually. Or at least, that's what they say on the posters," Moira said. "Even if you escape me, the whole city knows who he is now. A lot of people will kill for the bounty that's been put up. Even I think it's a tad excessive, but any bit of money is useful in the name of progress and research. I'm sure you understand, Dr. de Kuiper."

Harold gritted his teeth, the energy around his body growing brighter, bigger. Harold's hand brushed against Sigma's, and for a split second Sigma saw Harold's thoughts. His eyes widened microscopically, too small for anyone to notice. Did he really trust Harold this much to place his life in his hands?

"Surrender Dr. Wen, and I will let you continue to live your life in peace here." Her lips curled into a smirk. "I'll even let you have the bounty money. You'll be financially stable for the rest of your life, no need to interact with those insects we call people. You can pursue whatever research you want. You'll never have to suffer again."

Sigma turned to Harold, fear and shock stricken across his face. It was a crazy plan Harold had in mind. A stupid one. An insane one. And yet despite this, he trusted Harold.

After all, Harold was so willing to give up his life for Sigma. It was time to return the favour.

Now, Sigma mouthed.

The strings of gravity at everyone's feet began to glow golden, and suddenly a burst of power surged up, striking their bodies. A wave of indescribable pain shot up Sigma's body as he collapsed on the ground alongside everybody else. The voice of the spirits was fading. The world was spinning, getting darker by the second. And yet for a brief moment he saw Harold in perfect clarify, eyes wide open, lips agape as he rushed over to Sigma's side.

Harold fiddled with his robes until he found the vial, trying to open it with his shaky hands. Sigma wanted to protest, wanted Harold to leave him there to die, but he was too weak to speak. He was too close to Harold, physically and emotionally, and it was this very reason that he was now dying. Staring up at Harold, Sigma thought he wouldn't mind dying right then and there. Harold was holding his body so carefully, tears beading in his beautiful brown eyes, his touch screaming of love despite the horror and sadness. With the rest of Sigma's strength, he slowly moved his hand up to wipe the tears away from Harold's eyes, marvelling at how they glittered for him alone.

There was a pop, and then warm hands enclosed around Sigma's jaw, pulling his lips and mouth open. Liquid flowed down Sigma's lips to his throat, and it tasted absolutely vile, but Harold was massaging his throat, forcing him to swallow. His body protested, trying to cough the poison out, but he was too weak to even do that. Sigma felt a dreadful tiredness overcome his body, and he collapsed, faintly aware that Harold was holding onto his hand, confessing his love over and over like a prayer to the gods themselves.

At least he told Harold that he loved him, Sigma thought as he finally succumbed, falling into a dreamless sleep.