#also me: nailing this to everyone's doors like martin luther's fuckin theses

[talentforlying]

re: constantine and technology, he's so bad at it that it's comical.

he didn't have a whole lot of exposure to its evolution outside of his friendship with quantum magic computer nerd ritchie simpson, and now he's old and it's everywhere and he doesn't fucking get it. he's awful with computers, the only washing machines that haven't broken on him are the ones at the laundromat, he got a smartphone once to look important but put a demon inside it to do shit For him (rip the vestibulian), he set up a website once and never looked at it again. makes him very cranky when everyone tells him to update his arsenal because he's tried, man, and it's hard.

on top of your basic old guy stuff, technology doesn't seem to like him, either. (certainly doesn't help that he has a habit of throwing, kicking, smacking, or smashing tech that doesn't work when he needs it to.) vending machines habitually break down around him, chip-and-pin machines at the shops throw up errors, and he has set off more than a few metal detectors just by being in proximity.

there's some argument that can be made about magic interfering with technology, two matrices that should never have intersected etc., but ritchie simpson is Right There combining the two with ease, and even if he's just a quantum theoretical genius, i do think that maguses in the modern age would have figured out ways to let the two meet/marry by now. so what it just comes down to is, either constantine is so bad at it that he breaks everything he touches, or technodemon ritchie is taking sweet, sweet revenge on him from hell. either is equally funny to me.

the majority of his begrudging flirtation with technology comes down to:

chunky dell laptop computer. he uses the same password for almost everything, and the few different ones are all written on a post-it note in a desk drawer. the one thing he's got going for him here is that ever since ritchie hacked his bank account, he's added a couple entangling magic firewalls that will set fire to a hard drive if you try to get in without the authentication invocation to disarm them.

cardboard box full of flip phones, busted smartphones, and sim cards. he breaks/loses so many phones that it's just easier to stock up ahead of time. the flip phones are easy, he buys them off ebay; the smartphones are more of a hunt-and-gather situation. he's not above rinsing out the odd phone repair store/apple store in times of great need, sorry to everyone who needed those things, though he does try to stick to high-end ones so there's a better chance that he's just temporarily denting some rich prick's wallet instead of actually inconveniencing people. he's got free and unlimited network coverage in london, thanks to his friendship with map, but that's highly dependent on whether or not map is pissed at him at the time.

walkman. they were invented while he was in ravenscar and he couldn't really stand listening to the tapes he had for a while after that (reminded him of the band and what happened), but cheryl got him the tenth anniversary model later for christmas and it was well-loved. he gave that one to gemma in 1991 when he was dying, and when he was healed, chas hunted down another one for his birthday.

5gb iPod that holds a hell of a lot more than that, thank you magic. lifted off an ex that was trying to kill him while he was in america, right when it had just come out.

unused e-reader. he was trying to be savvy and up-to-date, but the physical stuff just works for him better. he keeps meaning to give it to chas, but keeps forgetting it exists.