#also look noah fence but i just don't like cop shows

[notasapleasure]

No Offence S02.02,03,06 (2017)

Another police procedural!

Episode 2

Sgt Keith Pankani is here and he's here for three episodes!

With my apologies - the channel 4 player leaves a big fat play symbol in the middle of the screen when you pause it.

Keith is working the nightshift at the custody desk in whatever Northern place this is that is experiencing Crime. The drunk girl who stole a cockatoo and describes herself as 'epileptic, schizophrenic, Catholic' is my favourite person so far.

I guess the uniform has to be tight so miscreants have nothing to grab on to, hm?

Scar on his lip that you don't normally see with the stubble :')

Also: arm scar!

Please don't ask me about the plot in this it's as over the top as every other soap. But Alexandra Roach from Utopia is one of the coppers, so that's fun :)

Standard police procedural problem: Nora the gangster is about a million times cooler, sexier, more badass and more relatable than any of the cops.

Well ok, Sergeant Keith does know how to flirt his problems away.

Cockatiel girl: *is annoying*

Keith @ mc, Viv: pls empty my cells and I will give u kisses

Viv: :)))) Best do as he says! your problem Becky!

Becky from Utopia but not Welsh: noooo but I already jailed so many people today

Keith: *hides his smirk badly and pushes a file towards her*

The girl who stole the cockatiel is still the best person here. She doesn't deserve jail or passive aggression from cop lady, Becky from Utopia or not >:(

Aaaaand she's dead! Becky pushed too hard!

This is the lady cops making disastrous errors of judgement show I guess.

Episode 3

It's not often i'd day this but ladies you all need to take off the leather jackets and go touch some grass

Channel 4 describes this as 'outrageous' and I think it's a bit too proud of that as a description. It veers wildly between obtuse silliness and po-faced drama.

Oh my GOD peak copaganda: we can save this man's life with a taser! :|

I still love Nora Attah and her deaf lawyer!!

Meanwhile we've brought in the autistic behaviourist so. Strike that one off your bingo cards! She does like Nora too though: "Stonking STONKING villain! She's ace!"

All right, take the one thing I'm enjoying with no sign of Keith yet this episode and be narratively self-aware about it 🙄

Oh here he is! Rolling his eyes and tutting in the background of the 'comedy relief' scene where one of the cops apparently doesn't know you can't arrest someone for impersonating a paramedic, claims never to have heard of 'de-arresting' people and promptly gets a complaint put in against him.

Is this show actually trying to undermine confidence in the police service?

Keith is very protective over his jail cells >:3

Episode 4 - I shouldn't even have been watching it because no Sgt Keith again until Episode 6 fml

There's a strange old techie man called Miller in this show and he's oddly compelling. I'm already annoyed Viv's pool stunt was actually so sexy, but she IS right too:

Joy: "Can he access all our computers?"

Viv: "He can access cheese on toast..."

Literally makes no sense but it IS a mood. Mind, Viv is a workplace sexual harassment case waiting to happen.

"A kick in the Jackson bollocks" is his catchphrase, he's an absolute creechure.

I feel like the Manchester tourism board didn't have much of a say in this show.

Joy making her useless druggie boyfriend cry was kind of great though. And then......Viv made a Guantanamo joke.

Fucking hell. And the inept cop who didn't know about de-arresting people is there being inept.

Right, enough of that, Episode 6, Sgt Keith where are you?

Nora is raising money to end FGM and tackle it in the immigrant community and I?? Fucking love her. Let her sell her drugs! She's a legitimate business woman!

Also the police department act like they just don't care about bringing the person committing FGM to justice anyway because they're so blinkered by anger at Nora.

*sigh* I think the problem with this is it might just be too accurate a depiction of the police and their attitudes.

There are many beautiful and scrunkly people in this but they're all so fucking awful and still not a hint of Sgt Keith :((

I think imdb lied to me again :|

The end! I’m not watching episode 5 to make sure because it sounds like they’ve made Nora’s son (the actual big bad probably) into a gay sex offender just to go full house on the awful stereotypes bingo card. And I’m not watching episode 7 just to be sure because this is where I draw the line, Chook! If you were playing a character with anything to do I might have bothered, but if I’m missing out on one more desk shot with procedural speak I’ll just have to live with it.

Rating

Dead? Nope, but frankly who’s paying attention

Evil? All the cops in this seem to routinely break the rules, and he’s happy to obstruct defence lawyers so yeah I’m not keen

Affects the plot? *snort*

0.5/5 tragically pointless! The flirting with Viv and the complaining about the cockatoo was cute though.