#also like whomst the fuck says something as romantic and soft as 'we have shared trauma' if they're not a hopeless romantic

[jonathanbyersphd]

⭐️

Hi Faith, tysm for the ask bc I get to talk about my baby.

OK so I LOVE everything about we'll be a fine line, we'll be alright like it's one of my favorite fics I've ever written but ANYWAYS SPECIFICALLY this part:

"No uh I'm going to the Wheelers for dinner" he rattles off. "Oh" "Yea" he smiles hesitantly. "You're not going to the Wheelers too?" She asks Will. "Can I???" Will exclaims, lighting up like he's getting away with something. "No" Jonathan answers gravely. "Jonathan!" She scolds. "Mom, seriously?" He begs. "What I'm sure Karen-" "Can't I just" he starts before stopping himself to rethink his words "I can bring Will next time I promise but tonight I'd like to go alone if that's ok" His eyes are flitting around the room but can't seem to meet hers and she wonders if he's lying about his dinner plans. For a minute, she's about to tell him that she knows about the vodka. And then ask what else he's lying about. She’s pretty sure she’s smelled weed on him a couple times. She’s dying to ask how stupid he thinks she is. To pick a fight, just to feel something. But his expression is so soft and concerned. And she recoils, remembering that she swore she'd never be as cruel as her mother. "Ok honey" she concedes. Jonathan nods, ruffles Will's hair, and kisses her on the cheeks before leaving the kitchen. "Jonathan" she calls after him. "Yea" he responds, stopping dead in his tracks in the living room. "Why don't you put your black sweater over your shirt. It matches better" she advises.

Like we've got Jonathan (You're on your own kid coded) nervous as HELL for his first dinner at the Wheeler's as Nancy's boyfriend. We have Will (precious angel bby) being a complete SHITHEAD about it. And lastly, we have Joyce (Mother) who is completely overwhelmed/feeling like she's failing as a parent wanting to fight with him just because she can but pulls back.

And what I especially love about this whole sequence of first dinner events. Is that Joyce is SO close to understanding what's happening. Like she knows he's off, but she thinks it's because he's drinking. And then there's this part of her that wants to be mean but the thing that holds her back is her own generational trauma. (and I imagine also a little unconscious fear that if she pushes him too far she'll lose one of the few supports she has, bc themes of her unintentional parentification of him u know?) Like???

AND THEN because the inquisitive, smart, "always right" Joyce that we know is still there just below the surface she tells him to put something else on that makes him look better. (It's the sweater he wears at Murray's btw) Like she knows that this dinner is important, that he wants to go alone, and she tells him what will make a better impression to the point that there's also this line after he leaves:

She hears him pop into his room and then he's out the door. His car turns over just as she sits down. It's only then that it registers how weird a dinner invitation without Will is. Maybe he and Nancy are more friends than study buddies, he is teaching her how to drive after all. Then again maybe they finally… but no. No, no, that’s just her old fantasy talking.

Like subconsciously she KNOWS they're together but she's so filled with grief, depression, etc. that she deep in denial.

This is also one of the scenes that I wish I wrote from Jonathan's POV in a separate fic. Because I imagine that he hasn't been able to go to 'Meet The Parents' dinner this whole time and he feels so guilty. But a couple days before he promises Nancy he can finally do it. (and she's so happy and he's so in love with her) Because Mom's doing better, surely they can get on without him for a couple hours. And it's important to him, like he wants to be a Good™️ boyfriend. (that boy is desperate for parental approval I know it in my heart) But then he comes home and Joyce is hiding in her room, and he's like fuck. So he makes an easy dinner for her and Will, while he's getting ready but he can't figure out his tie and he can't ask Joyce because she has her own problems. (Jonathan feeling like a burden for needing to parented is so important to me) BUT HE STILL GOES TO DINNER. Like it's such a beautiful moment of Jonathan struggling with what he feels like he has to do and what he wants to do and picking what he wants. (a little independence as a treat). There's also a very cute moment of Nancy (who's been watching from her window) cutting him off before he rings the doorbell so she can frantically put a tie on him before Ted can start shit.

ANYWAYS, clearly I could talk about this fic for a while

Send me a fanfic director's cut ask

[goblin-gardens]

Gob Or Not? An Extremely Scientific Examination Of The Mighty Nein

A couple weeks ago, as an attempt to lure my friend Grim into Critical Role, I made a Goblin Inventory of the M9. this post is an updated survey of the team, slightly reformatted, mostly to be more accurate to my current understanding of the characters (as of Episode 58) and also funnier.

Abstract:

The goals of the initial report were two-fold. First, to examine the differences between being a member of the goblin species and Being Goblin, and second to determine whether Nott The Brave was truly the most Goblin of the group. The first findings showed that Nott scored a 40 out of 77 on the Goblin Scale, not an especially high score and far from the highest in the group. While the conclusions of this survey are not wildly different, the key to Science is repeating your experiments and coming up with not-exactly-identical findings, and doing this roughly a billion times and then you can say that you’re Probably Right (Most Of The Time).

The Goblin Quotient is determined by quantifying, on a scale of 0-11, how fully a person embodies each of the 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Goblins. These are, 1) Collection Of Crap, 2) Chaos, 3) Minionhood, 4) Gooey Center, 5) Laser Pointer Focus, 6) Furious Devotion, and 7) Hideous Cackling.

the full text of this very serious academic paper is under the cut and not behind a paywall.

1) Collection Of Crap

Top scorer, Caleb Widogast As a wizard, Caleb has purposefully immersed himself in Collecting. He is constantly filling his pockets with spell components including, but by no means limited to, sulfur, molasses, honeycomb, bits of copper wire, and literal bat shit. it’s all just. in his pockets. being slimy. Other Caleb Collections include: Books, Paper, Friends, Magic, and Pain. unfortunately, he still has not collected a fantasy therapist to help him KonMari some of it into healthier boxes. Nott’s new form has upped her Collecting habits, but this is a fundamental hobby of Veth’s. This quells some uncertainty about how much of this is truly Her. turns out, lots! (Runners up: Jester, with the animals and haversack of holding, Nott, with the buttons. Special mention: Fjord, with his balls.) Lowest Scorer, Yasha: a 6 of 11 ain’t shabby, but it’s not much compared to the others. This might be due to her having had less screen time, but she does tend to travel light.

Trait The Second) Chaos.

Top scorer, Jester Lavorre: The M9 are a pretty Chaotic group, but Jester is the only one who’s built a religion out of chaos. She’s a high priestess of drawing dicks on things. Her magic powers come from a divine mandate to fuck shit up. Pets (to which she has added Yarnball) up the chaos meter, and their virtually indestructible plot armor means they’re not going anywhere execpt maybe home wth Yeza. In general, Jester’s childhood in the Lavish Chateau was sort of like a pandora’s jack in the box getting wound tighter and tighter and tighter past all physical comprehension, and though the lid has been lifted, the spring is only just starting to sproing. we haven’t even reached the Zenith yet! After seeing some more of Veth and Yeza, it’s clear they’re not the most sedate of couples. Some eyebrows have definitely gotten singed in the Brenatto lab. However, since they aren’t the ones who burned it to the ground, a bit of Safe Science Techniques have to at least be assumed. (Runner up: Molly, with the egg dick incident) Lowest scorer, Beau: She’s not settling down, but she is… settling. Beau does her share of the check-ins, and has made the highest number of Agreements To Not Be Assholes Together. She might be in the running for mom friend??

C) Minionhood.

Top scorer, Fjord “No-Name” Swordvjore. In CR, goblins are not often leaders. They will work together to target weaker and easy opponents, but aren’t typically masterminds. They aren’t prone to individual heroism and rarely, if ever, go out of their way to save a friend. In their villages, little value is placed on familial relationships or education, they’re not big team players, and everyone has a terrible sense of humor. So how does Fjord factor into this? By showing the other side of the coin, like how tactics that don’t rely on using yourself as canon fodder are more successful, or like how the power of friendship and diverse skill sets makes your team stronger. Nott is not much of a follower, though she is an aggressive supporter. Though both these green kids were outcasts when they were younger, finding love with Yeza, stating a family and running a business has given Veth a strong sense of what she wants, and it’s not to be a leader or a follower. (runners up: Caduceus Clay, committed WildMinion and Jester, Travelerite) Lowest scorer, Caleb Widogast. He’s had his brush with Minionhood and the further and safer from it he feels, the more he wants revenge.

Four) Gooey Center Top scorer, Yasha Nydoorin. The Gooey Center is protected by a spiky, brittle, intimidating, crunchy, and/or off putting exterior.  Yasha is our big, scary, tenderhearted wlw. our giant soft-hearted, angelic, full-of-boiling-murderous-rage, lightning-punching, funeral-not-having runaway who loves her wife and makes us cry. she shaves her arms with her sword. she uses books in non-traditional ways. she vanishes into the night sometimes in a very mysterious and tragic manner. she is our most Romantic player character, and she is super ripped and super queer, which are all aspirational goblin qualities. in practice, most goblins connect with their gooey center by being squished by someone like Yasha, maybe with a giant hammer. Nott does more to protect others’ feelings than her own, really. Poking at her sore spots makes her stab at yours, but she’s pretty up front about how she feels. When actually fighting, she’s proven to be pretty adept at not being hit. (runners up: Caleb, glass canon with a very crunchy exterior, Fjord, known horc twunk, Caducues, mystery boy, and Molly, who rudely showed us just how how close that center can be to the surface) Lowest scorer: Nott! She’s actually…. Relatively well adjusted? Has emotional intelligence?

5️⃣) Laser Pointer Focus Top scorer: Caduceus Clay. Related to Minionhood, this is the aspect of Goblinry that the leader uses to achieve goals. the dogged focus of a True Goblin is powerful and direct, but can be redirected with the proper pressure or leadership, or lost when a cause or leader is not compelling enough or doesn’t provide adequate payment. the Laser Pointer Focus has an investigatory aspect as well, gathering little bits of info from every which way in moments, though the information gathered is rarely put to use immediately. Caduceus, who sees all but doesn’t always act on it, and is content to support the Nein and follow their meandering path to his goal, checks many of these boxes. Nott knows exactly what she wants in life, which is her old life. She knows how to get it, which is to keep Caleb alive until he can learn a powerful enough spell. The difference between her pursuit of her goal and Caduceus’s lies in the fact that this isn’t a Hero’s Quest for her, with no Tests of Character or Symbolic Goals set or arbitrated by an outside force. (runners up: Fjord, spiritually chasing a laser pointer at all times, Jester, whose laser pointer always points at chaos. Special mention: Frumpkin) Lowest scorer: Beau. Maybe she’s still figuring out what her driving forces are. She knows what they aren’t, but Not Being The Same Type Of Shitty As My Dad isn’t a full thesis. She’s dedicated to protecting her friends, but until we see exactly what it is that she defines herself in opposition to (ie. get that sweet sweet Loregard) her intentions might remain a bit fuzzy around the edges.

VI) Furious Devotion Top scorer: Beauregard Lionett. Also going hand in hand with Minionhood (Minionhood has two hands), this is the trait that makes goblins actually willing to die in battle against adventurers and town guards and shit. It doesn’t require any comfort with or willingness to follow authority, it’s the more feral side of love that is reigned in by Minionhood in true Goblins. this is the part of the Goblin that drives the Collecting of Crap because it genuinely loves all the shit it finds. Beau is a prime example of this trait, especially because as she gets more and more invested in a person or ideal, her willingness to let go, even in the face of likely death, decreases dramatically. see episode 55 for reference, among others. she also has a rather Goblinish inability to effectively communicate the depths of her feelings, though this is sort of an aspect of her defense of her Gooey Center and something she’s actively working on. Now here’s something Nott’s got. So much love. More love than can be contained by one family. Angry love, protective love, throw-all-the-dishes-on-the-floor-in-a-pile love. Draw the dragon’s attention so her friend she’s had for less than a day can get away love. She can and will sacrifice herself for the people she cares about. (runners up: Nott, whomst loves, Yasha, very good at using the Fury to pursue the Devotion, Jester, whose love is so powerful it brings people back from the dead, and Caleb, even less able to discuss his feelings than Beau) Lowest scorer: Fjord. This does NOT mean he doesn’t love his friends, or that he’s not sometimes very angry, but they aren’t connected. He’s still keeping everyone at arm’s length, tbh. Again, this is something that will be easier to judge with more backstory.

and finally 7) Hideous Cackling Top Score: Mollymauk Tealeaf. This is what a Goblin does when surveying their Collection of Crap and the Chaos they have caused. This is how they communicate with fellow Minions in the know, how they react to seeing someone else’s Gooey Center, to catching the Laser Pointer. This is the easiest way to express their feelings of Devotion. The Hideous Cackle of a True Goblin is un-selfconscious and entirely for the benefit of the Cackler. Cackling Hideously is an act of self love. You can find your goblin group by listening to the Discordant Chorus made by Cackling together, and when you’re all reveling in the cacophony, there you are. It’s a little hedonistic and a little punk and a little queer, disregarding conventional expectations of beauty or family or polite behavior, and all about diving deep into the things that you are and the things that make you happy. An extremely Molly philosophy, truth be told. Nott Cackles, sometimes. More since Yeza is back. Unclear whether this arc ending in safe Brenatto Boys will leave her more prone to Cackling, or if she’ll miss them and be too sad :( (runner up: Jester, gleeful agent of chaos) Lowest scorers: Caleb and Fjord. Part of their higher charisma is being careful with their words and presentation. A truly Hideous Cackle doesn’t have time to be self conscious.

And now, the rankings themselves!

Nott The Brave Collection of Crap– So. Many. Buttons.  10/11 Chaos– FLUFFERNUTTERRRRRRRRRR!  8/11 Minionhood– Eh. She’s more of a supporter than a follower.  3/11 Gooey Center–  She’s not particularly secretive about her feelings or opinions 4/11 Laser Pointer Focus–  Her main goals are all inwardly motivated and have not changed during the campaign.  3/11 Furious Devotion– Her love is extremely powerful.  10/11 Hideous Cackling– Reunited with her husband, she has felt freer to Cackle, she also seems to appreciate her current job a lot  6/11 total score: 44/77

Caleb Collection of Crap– keeps everything in his pockets except for his cat, which is in his heart.  11/11 Chaos– Absolutely creates it, and is starting to revel in it.  6/11 Minionhood– Formerly a Minion, he is now hellbent on the destruction of the System. Good for him.  0/11 Gooey Center– Easily smashed by any large or medium-sized hammer, but maintains staunch denial of inner Gooeyness.  8/11 Laser Pointer Focus– Has goal, will travel. Difficult to redirect.  5/11 Furious Devotion– Slow to accept his own devotion, but very committed once he has.  10/11 Hideous Cackling– Having friends and talking about his feelings is good for him. He’s getting better at this. 3/11 total score: 43/77

Yasha Collection of Crap– A whole book of pressed flowers!  6/11 Chaos– She doesn’t really revel in it :/.  5/11 Minionhood-- Serves a higher power and follows along the decisions of others in the group, even when not super enthused about them, like going to Xhorhas.  8/11 Gooey Center– All the Gooeyer for being well protected, and though her emotional walls are not the most formidable in the party, the amount of protected feeling was unexpected  11/11 Laser Pointer Focus– Loyal to two guides, the Stormlord and the M9, though the Stormlord can pull her easily away from the group.  9/11 Furious Devotion– Very very angry.  10/11 Hideous Cackling– Could stand to be a bit more open about it.  4/11 Total score: 53/77

Fjord Collection of Crap– Collection is limited in scope and volume, but high in Strangeness.  8/11 Chaos– a troublemaker, for sure and certain.  7/11 Minionhood– Literally A Minion right now, summons demonic minions on occasion.  11/11 Gooey Center– Desperately wants somebody, anybody, to tell him he’s doing a Good Job. Adamantly refuses to admit that.  8/11 Laser Pointer Focus– this man cannot resist pushing buttons, be they physical, emotional, or likely to end the word.  10/11 Furious Devotion– He is angry, but it’s not focused. To get more points here, he needs to be less angry at himself.  3/11 Hideous Cackling– too self conscious! loosen up! needs to Cackle in his own voice.  3/11 total score: 50/77

Beau Collection of Crap– Wants to know everything, is building a family. Some points lost for minimalist monk aesthetic.  8/11 Chaos– Aspiring member of Nott the Best Detective Agency, punches people to learn about them. BUT she is apparently a Voice Of Reason, which makes it harder. 4/11 Minionhood– would destroy me for even suggesting it.  1/11 Gooey Center– just! wants! everyone! to! get! along!  7/11 Laser Pointer Focus– Is becoming a moral compass?  2/11 Furious Devotion– JUST! WANTS! EVERYONE! TO! GET! ALONG!  11/11 Hideous Cackling– Tries too hard to be cool. Like yeah, she is cool, but she tries too hard to make sure people know.  5/11 total score: 38/77

Molly Collection of Crap– Behold the coat. 8/11 Chaos– He has that certain je ne se quois.  10/11 Minionhood– The Moonweaver in not a fan of her followers following anyone’s orders. also he has his own minions and doesn’t want them  3/11 Gooey Center-- Loves openly and without reservation. and also……………………  8/11 Laser Pointer Focus– Molly’s focus is loving his friends and knowing fuck all.  5/11 Furious Devotion– Found a tall sad lady and made his circus adopt her. gives money to orphans.  7/11 Hideous Cackling– Genuinely personified this action for two years.  11/11 total score: 52/77

Jester Collection of Crap– In addition to being the Holder Of The Bag, she also collects doughnuts and cool shit. While most of her random shit has potential uses, it’s also a whole lot of random shit. Some of its weasels.  10/11 Chaos– Spreading discord is a religious mandate for her. Her powers come from chaos.  11/11 Minionhood– A champion of the Yes And, she is more likely to voice her opinion of an existing plan than come up with her own. She is definitely a better minion than the Traveler’s other ONE.  10/11 Gooey Center– Physically well-defended, she has the luxury of wearing her heart on her sleeve. 6/11 Laser Pointer Focus– It might seem like she’s easily distracted, but that’s actually because her surface level attention is secondary. her primary goal is actually Fucking Shit Up, and she’s good at it. 7/11 Furious Devotion– Gets attached and does. not. let. go.  10/11 Hideous Cackling– The end goal of practically everything Jester does is Cackling With The Traveler, and she often succeeds.  10/11 total score: 64/77

Caduceus: Collection of Crap– Dude has a swarm of bugs living in his staff, and his backpack is full of tea.  8/11 Chaos– NOT a fan of stuff that disrupts the proper order of nature, but he is developing a wonderful and unique sense of humor. 5/11 Minionhood– Of all the M9, Caduceus has the strongest adherence to an ironclad and pre-written set of ethics and willingness to follow the path a greater power has laid out for him.  10/11 Gooey Center– Encourages everyone else to talk about their feelings, yet doesn’t talk about his own in the same way. Mysterious. 7/11 Laser Pointer Focus– Has a well-defined goal, but not a well defined path. 11/11 Furious Devotion-- You can’t be On A Quest To Save Your Home (And The World?) if you’re not devoted to your home. However we haven’t seen the fury? Structured devotion is different and not exactly Goblin. 5/11 Hideous Cackling– Cackling is a bit more intense than what he does, but he’s on the right track. 5/11 total score: 51/77

final ranking (out of 77)

38, Beau 👊

43, Caleb 🐱

44, Nott 🏹

50, Fjord 🗡️

51, Caduceus 🐞

52, Molly 🎴

53, Yasha ⚡

64, Jester 🦄

All in all, a pretty Goblin Group, and Nott, the only one who is physically a goblin, is not even in the middle of the pack. Clearly, true Goblin Spirit is something else all together. 

It seem that perhaps the True Goblin Was The Friends We Made Along The Way. also Jester.