#also like i said i totally like spiralled when i read this because just thinking about dennis not knowing who he really is anymore

[pagesfromthevoid]

saw your bob post and decided to say my thoughts🙏

he’s definitely submissive (or at the very least, not dominant). i love the thought of him reaching out to hold readers hand when he’s getting overwhelmed, pretty whimpers leaving his mouth as they play w his dick🤤 also imagining him desperate to suck on ur tongue as he dry humps ur thigh—

okay i’ll chill out now but gahdayum he is FINE😛

These can combined I think 👀

But listen. I think for the first like, six months? Maybe the first year —he’s definitely not confident enough to be the one that makes any kind of move. I don’t want to give him a label as dominate or submissive because they just…don’t work for him. He’s a broken guy —he’s healing, he’s being helped —but it’s hard. Smut below the cut:

He would, however, crave physical touch. Especially because he’s so scared that if he touches anyone, they’ll be trapped a shame room and he doesn’t wish that on anyone.

He especially doesn’t want that to happen to you.

But you’re patient, and kind. And you don’t seem to mind that he’s always as close as he can be without actually touching you (he has no sense of personal space, which annoys everyone except you, Yelena and Alexei. The others will politely remind him to step away just a bit, and he’s totally okay with that).

Bob likes his little book nook, but he also likes your room. It’s warmly lit, and smells good, and it just feels like a welcoming place. So if he’s not in his corner, he’s usually sitting on the floor of your room, reading, while you lay in bed and scroll through your phone.

His back aches, but he doesn’t say anything. He’s fine where he’s at, and he doesn’t want to get up and leave. Or disrupt the serene quiet of your room. But he shifts, and his back cracks and he lets out a groan.

You roll over onto your stomach and look down at him, brow raised. “You good?”

He nods frantically, apologizing for being loud. But you wave it off. “You don’t have to sit on the floor, you know. You can come sit on the bed. I won’t bite unless you ask.”

He flushes at the comment, looking down for a moment. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t fantasized about you putting your lips on him —but he knew better than to act on anything. It just…it wasn’t safe.

You pat the bed, drawing his attention again, and he stands up with his book. You scoot over, closer to the wall, and smile up at him patiently. Bob swallows hard and slips into your bed, brushing against you just barely. Even that touch —barely there, barely anything —sends a shiver through him. It had been so long since he was close to someone.

Yeah, the team had hugged him when they stopped Void. But that was a safety kind of thing. And it was nice, but he was scared of dying at that point. There was a difference between safety touching and intimacy and he…he really wanted that. With you.

The comfortable silence takes over again, and after a while you both end up engrossed in your own activities. Bob is focused on his book —sort of. Every time you move or adjusted your position, you got slightly closer. Touched him a little more. And he was distracted by thoughts of how you would feel on top of him. Not even in a sexual way; just…your weight, pressed against him, safe and close.

He freezes when your head falls to his shoulder. Nothing bad happens —no shame spirals, no nightmares. But you’re asleep, phone loosely sitting in your hand, and he considers if he should wake you up. But the selfish part of him —the touch starved part —decides to let you lay against him.

Though you adjust again, and push yourself further down into your pillows. Bob doesn’t want you to move but lets you do whatever you want to be comfortable. Except your cheek presses against his thigh, your head finding itself in his lap.

He panics. You’re so close. So warm. And he doesn’t know what to do with his book because it was in his lap but now you are. So he sets it down, folding his hands over his chest because he doesn’t know what to do. You’re actually asleep —breathing soft and even —and he really doesn’t want to wake you up.

So cautiously, he rests a hand on your back. When you don’t stir, he draws circles into your T-shirt in a way he hopes is soothing. His other hand plays with a strand of your hair, trying to keep himself from panicking. He worries you can hear how hard his heart is beating, because he’s pretty sure it’s going to explode out of his chest at any moment. But you don’t wake, and you both lay there for a long time.

He loses track of time; enough so that he’s starting to doze off himself. But you adjust again, just barely, and your hand rests under your cheek on his thigh and he almost jolts up from the touch.

You’re asleep. You’re not…you’re not purposely trying to touch him like this, he knows that, but he can’t help it. You’re so close, and so warm, and nothing bad has happened since you fell asleep. His head falls back into your pillows, trying to think of anything besides how close your hand and mouth are to his cock, but even trying to think about other things leads back to that thought, and there’s nothing he can do but try to adjust away the hard on he’s sporting.

Maybe he can slip a pillow into his lap. Then you have something to lay on and something to hide in case you wake up. But when he moves to take a pillow from behind him, you stir snd yawn. And then he really panics because he knows you’re awake —hyperaware of your eyelashes brushing against his leg as you blink away sleep.

“Oh,” you yawn, though you don’t move away from him. Actually, he swears to god, you move your hand even closer. “I’m sorry —I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”

“It’s uh, it’s totally fine,” he practically whimpers, swallowing hard. Shaking his head. “Not your fault.”

“I think this is though,” you murmur, brushing your hand just barely over the bulge in his sweats. Bob buckles, his fingers tangling into your shirt as you glance up at him. “Do you…can I help you out?”

“God, please,” he begs, nodding frantically as you slowly run your hand over his clothed cock. He’s breathing hard, and he probably sounds like an idiot. But he can’t help it. Even through his clothes, your touch is soft and enticing and he just. He wants more. But he can’t bring himself to ask. “Anything. Please, you can —anything.”

“Don’t say that,” you laugh softly, sitting up some to look up at him. Your hand dances along the edge of his waist band. “‘Anything’ is a lot of power.”

“Anything,” he insists, lower stomach contracting some as your fingers slip under and against his skin.

But your touch is gone too soon, and he whines as he opens his eyes. You haven’t gone far —actually, on the contrary. You’re sitting up on your knees and straddling his lap. Just like he’d imagined before —your weight pressed against his body was wonderful. He’s hesitant to touch you, afraid he’ll do something wrong, but you take hands and hold them against your hips.

“You’re allowed to touch me, Bob,” you promise, letting go of his hands. He cautiously squeezes your hips as you reach up to take his face in your hands. “Can I kiss you?”

“God, yes. Please,” he pleads, and without thinking about it, he’s pulling you in by your hips as you close the distance between you both.

He doesn’t care if he’s coming off as desperate or pathetic. Your mouth on his is even better than he could have imagined. Your hands in his hair could have been heaven. But when you press yourself down into his clothed cock, he whimpers. He feels your smile against his mouth, and you press down harder and grind yourself against him. He opens his mouth and pushes his hips up to meet yours, and you take full advantage of his open mouth to slide your tongue against his.

Bob wants to melt into your touch. Your hands tugging at his hair, your teeth nipping at his lips, and your body pressing against his —he’s not even sure when it happens, because he’s too focused on every little touch. But he groans, holding you tight by your hips against him as he cums in his pants.

“Oh god,” he sighs, pressing his forehead into your shoulder. He’s shaking and he doesn’t know if it’s from all of this or embarrassment. “I’m —shit, I’m sorry —I didn’t —,”

But you’re grinning at him, pressed against him still, but your hand is running through his hair. “It’s okay. That’s what I wanted.”

He pulls back, looking up at you and the teasing grin on your face.

Yeah. You could do whatever you wanted to him and he’d thank you for it, he decides in that moment.

[wlwsoccerfics]

Self doubt (LionessesXDeafReader)

Warning: deaf reader

A/N : when i Put something in ' ' it means it's signed

Summary: you get called up for your first England Camp and people are not taking it well. the fact that you are Keira Walsh's Baby sister doesn't make it any either. And you start doubting If you even should be there.

You sit on a bean bag in the gaming/TV room at England Camp. It was just the first day. The comments you have read so far were mostly great and supportive under the Team list of who made the cut. But then you read comments about yourself. Lots of mean ones including:

'how is she supposed to win us anything? she can't even hear instructions!'

'she is only on the team cause of Keira. she must have put a good word in for y/n.'

'her on the Team feels like a charity case!'

There were lots more of those comments. Which only made your self doubt become worse. Even though if it was just a first full day everyone had noticed that you were acting distant. Especially towards your sister & on top of that Grace. Your girlfriend. You just wanted to focus on football. Deep down you knew you were able to play at this level. You were one of the Star Players at Arsenal. Yes you and your sister played for two different teams. So did you and your girlfriend. But your best friend Alessia was playing for Arsenal with you. While your girlfriend Grace was playing with your other best friend Tooney. If you weren't any good Sarina wouldn't have called you up to play for the lionesses. But still theres a part of you hurt by people thinking just because you were deaf that you couldn't do your job. In the last five games for Arsenal you scored 7 Goals. That alone was saying alot. Yet there were still people wanting to bring you down.

'you are avoiding me!' you see your girlfriend sign, she showed up out of nowhere so you put your phone away.

'i am not!' you look at her and frown.

'you are! you are also avoiding Keira, Less & Tooney. And basically everyone!' she was clearly concerned.

'grace i am fine. just let it go.'

The fact that you didn't use a cute pet name for her was confirmation enough that something was totally not right.

Less and Tooney were also in the room, looking over at the two of you. they knew something was up as soon as you said you didn't want to play cards with them. And the discussion you had with Grace only confirmed that for them as well.

At the same time with Keira, Leah and Lucy...

"Keira, i think i know why your sister is keeping to herself." Lucy told her. Handing her Phone over to her. Showing the comments under the Squad post that are related to you.

"that's nasty!" Leah said, after Keira wordlessly showed them to her.

"i hope she knows that this Is crap. Nothing about this Is true!" Keira stated.

"well you should try and talk to her about that." Lucy replied.

'yeah either you do it or i will. If we wait for too long she is gonna Spiral!" Your England Captain and Arsenal teammate said.

"i will talk to her, don't worry about it." Keira let them know and then went to look for you.

She found you and Grace still arguing. Looking over at Less & Tooney.

"what is this about?" Keira asked your two best friends.

"y/n is claiming how fine things are and that she is not avoiding anyone! Even though we all know she is!" Tooney stated.

"they going back and forth now for almost 20 minutes!" Alessia explained.

"i want to know why she is avoiding us." Tooney stated and Keira grabbed her own Phone to show her and Lessi.

"Lucy thinks this might be the reason and honestly i think so too!" Keira let them know.

"oh my god. This Is terrible. And not true! She deserves to be here!" Alessia stated.

"which is why i will talk to her now." Your sister answered.

The Talk with Grace has gotten to a point where you both have gotten frustrated with one another that you stood up and wanted to race past your sister but Keira quickly grabbed your hand.

'stay. We need to Talk.'

'no we don't!'

'you do need to start letting us in on what's happening.' Alessia looked at you. Worry written across her face.

'fine. what do you want to know?'

'why you are acting this way. You avoiding us is not normal.'

'i don't belong here.'

'so it's about the comments!' Keira let out a soft sigh. Grace now standing next to you.

'what comments?' she wanted to know. Keira showing her the comments. Grace looked mad now.

'those comments are not true! you are amazing and you deserve this place in the Team!' Grace let you know.

'deep down i know. but those comments still hurt. i just want to show them how wrong they are!'

'then let's do that!' Tooney smiled at you.

The team put out a Statement that there is no place for bullying in any form. And that people who are disrespectful towards the players, especially the Younger ones Like you (you were only 22 years old) shouldn't watch the games.

You could Show them what you are made of during a Game against Portugal were you scored two Goals during your debut which sure did shut up the haters. Getting praised by your teammates and Sarina.

You couldn't hear but your eyes were working perfectly fine.

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

[9:16 am]

(cw: course language)

Dating Jeno was like a dream. You knew it was early, 2 months to be exact, but you were fairly certain he was the best man ever. He was sweet, thoughtful, he listened, he was funny, and he was handsome. He took you on dates that you could tell he put effort into, he gave you gifts just because he was “thinking about you,” and got you flowers weekly. What wasn’t to like about him?

You had just seen him the night before, he had invited you over to his so he could cook for you. His excuse was that he’d been wanting to try out a recipe, but it was too much for one person. He’d listened to you talk all night about your annoying boss and how she went on and on about anything under the sun. She made it impossible to make or take calls with her roaming the floor and talking. She tried too hard to be friends with her employees.

He had had glimpses of her before when he came by to pick you up for lunch or picked you up from work. She was always the first one to the door, twirling her hair and batting her lashes. She tried flirting and didn’t even try to hide her frown when he greeted you with a kiss on the cheek.

“And I saw that little boy toy of yours yesterday! He was out and about during lunch yesterday and we had lunch together! You’re not mad right? According to what I’ve heard he’s not your boyfriend yet…” you heard her annoying voice, but she wasn’t talking to you, right?

You turned in your desk chair, “are you talking to me?”

“Yes! Jeno, your little boy toy! He’s a real cutie, a real gentleman. I can totally see what’s so attractive about him. We sat and talked together and got carried away. I was almost late,” she laughs.

You give her a fake laugh, claiming you have work to get back to while turning to face the computer screen. Instead of working, you mull over her words. On one hand yes, you and Jeno weren’t official or exclusive in the fact that you hadn’t discussed it, but you had assumed you were. There was also the fact that when you asked him about his lunch he had been very short and moved on as if it were nothing.

Had there been signs that you missed before? Were there moments that they shared when you weren’t around? Were there hidden moments? God, this was putting you in a downward spiral.

She was still stood near you when you heard an unfamiliar male voice. “Uhhhh, flowers from Jeno?” He asked.

As you moved to identify yourself, your boss squealed, reaching for the flowers. She pulled the card from bouquet and began to read out loud, “I had the greatest time seeing you yesterday. I can’t wait to spend more time with you. Love, Jeno. He’s so sweet! So sorry you had to find out this way, but I need to go put these in some light. Get back to work.”

The rest of your day was awful. Maybe he had sent those to her. Maybe he liked her more than you. Maybe he was two-timing you.

From there your anger grew and grew. Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard. His texts made your anger boil and bubble inside you to the point where once you saw him standing alone in the lobby of your workplace you walked right past him.

“Hey! Wait- hey, where are you going?” You heard Jeno’s voice as he followed after you.

You turned, your voice cold while your emotions were heated, “if you liked my boss you could have just said that instead of stringing me along. I know we never talked about being closed off, but at the very least I deserved to know you were seeing another person inside my office!”

He held his hands up, as if in surrender, “I don’t- I’m not seeing anyone but you. Can we talk about this?”

You groaned, running a had over your hair in frustration. You exhaled, calming your feelings, “my boss came in this morning and told me that you guys had lunch together. That you were such a gentleman and she totally gets what I see in you and that you spent the whole lunch talking and getting to know each other.” Your voice breaks as you keep explaining, “and then flowers were delivered that said you enjoyed your time with her yesterday. It’s just- I wish you had just told me.” You loon away from him as your eyes fill with tears and you desperately try to blink them back.

Jeno gives you your time to breathe and cool off before he speaks. “Babe, I didn’t get lunch with your boss. I happened to be at the same spot for lunch to pick up my order and while I was leaving she walked in. We did that whole awkward stepping the same way over and over again, and I greeted her just to be polite. I asked her how she was, but I didn’t have lunch with her. I don’t like her, she makes me feel weird and gross when she talks to me and I think she’s the same age as my mom, that or she has really bad work done.” You laugh at that and he smiles explaining even more, “the flowers were for you, babe. I have the receipt, it has your name on it as the recipient. They were supposed to be your weekly bouquet and that’s why the note says what it said. I don’t want to spend time getting to know anyone but you.”

“God, I hate that bitch. I’m sorry I assumed,” you exhale deeply, feeling an immense weight off your shoulders.

He pulls you into his chest for a hug, rubbing a hand up and down your back, “it was an unfortunate mess of coincidences mixed with delusion from your crazy ass boss. It’s the last time I’ll use a delivery service too, all your flowers are coming right from me.”

“You still want me after I made that horrible assumption?” You ask with a playful tone, but the nerves in your stomach have yet to calm down.

Jeno smirks, tsking nonchalantly, “if anything, I want you more. Something about you getting jealous, a little possessive, that’s hot.”

You shove him lightly, leaving him behind as you begin walking home again. You can hear him laughing and his steps as he runs to catch up to you. His arm wraps around your shoulders and he presses a kiss to your temple while you both dodge the other people trying to get home. He takes your bag off your shoulder and smiles at you warmly, “I didn’t think we really had to talk about it, but in all seriousness I do like you a lot. I don’t want to see anyone but you.”

“I like you a lot too,” you smile back, “so what? You’re like my boyfriend now?”

“Nothing would make me happier, and you should report your boss to HR. She’s a total bitch.”

[papiliotao]

꒰ 𝒂 𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 ✩࿐

pairing: lyney x gn!reader

content: fluff, modern au, high school au, friends to (almost) lovers, mutual pining, theatre kids, lyney and the reader rehearse a kissing scene

summary: playing the role of his lover in a drama production is easier said than done, especially when you’re just beginning to realize the nature of your feelings for him.

a/n: i had no inspiration for a while but then lyney came along. i’m so normal about him. anyway, i hope you enjoy reading!

When you were told that you had to kiss your best friend for a school play, you were in shock and disbelief — not because you were repulsed by the thought of playing the part of a couple, but because you realized that you didn’t mind the idea of his lips pressed against yours.

You’re not quite sure when the feelings crept up on you, dawning in your heart like hazes of peach and azure that dust the horizon at sunrise. It feels like it’s been an eternity since you started loving Lyney, but you’ve simply never noticed that your adoration was beyond platonic. 

But after experiencing your epiphany, you’ve been wondering if he shares your rose-tinted sentiments. Slowly but surely, you observe that the lines between friendship and romance have become blurred, fusing together in a myriad of watercolour hues.

Every once in a while, Lyney will hold your hand for no reason, the delicate softness of his skin comforting like morning sunlight. There are also instances where he’ll hug you for just a little too long, clinging onto you as if he never wants to let go. And of course, you’ll never be able to forget the sentimental nights spent gazing up at murals of sparkling constellations dotting pristine navy skies, where you'll cuddle with your best friend in an attempt to stay warm.

In these instances, a simple question lingers in the short silences, an untold inquiry that neither of you care to utter in fear of shattering the status quo.

What are we?

Now, as you sit across from Lyney atop the velvety cushions of his living room couch, ready to rehearse very kiss that sent you spiraling into a bout of infatuated hysteria in the first place, your heart can’t help but race. The melody it sings is one that speaks of perplexing feelings and a hope for fairytale endings, and it only amplifies as you look into pale violet eyes that sparkle as iridescent petals flutter about in their depths.

“I’m ready whenever you are,” Lyney whispers, smiling at you reassuringly. There’s something soothing about the expression on his face, embodying the serenity of a gentle zephyr in the midst of a cruel summer.

“How can you be so calm when we’re about to practice a kiss?” you ask, voicing your thoughts out loud. “What if we’re not good enough?”

Truthfully, you’re a nervous wreck. Your fingers tremble, and your mind feels blank. You’ve always known that Lyney was born to be on stage, but you didn’t think he’d be so nonchalant in a situation like this. His disposition is completely composed, not a single spark of anxiety shining through his tranquil demeanour.

On the other hand, you’re constantly pondering the what ifs.

What if you mess the scene up? What if it turns out looking awkward? What if it’s so horrendous that it makes the audience uncomfortable.

However, in total contrast to you, Lyney simply chuckles, his voice ringing out in a clear and soothing fantasia.

“Don’t worry,” he reassures you, keeping his gaze fixated on you. “I’m sure our chemistry will be absolutely perfect. After all, even Lynette has mistaken us for a couple.”

“She has?” you blurt out, both shocked and embarrassed that Lyney’s twin has had her misconceptions about your relationship. The two are practically telepathically linked, so the tall order of fooling Lynette would more or less be akin to deceiving the heavens above.

“She has,” Lyney confirms, a mischievous spark of violet electricity blazing through his irises, “and that’s why I’m certain we’ll be able to pull this off flawlessly.”

He gently laces his fingers around your hand, bringing it up to his chest.

“Besides, it’s not like I’m not nervous at all.” From beneath the soft fabric of Lyney’s clothes, you can feel a gentle thrumming, a beat that resounds at a tempo matching that of your very own heart. “You know, even the greatest of performers get stage fright sometimes.”

In a mystifying twist, you feel more comfortable now that Lyney has told you that you’re not alone in your anxiety. Your relief defies all logic, but perhaps it’s the knowledge that your feelings aren’t entirely unreasonable that soothes your nerves.

“I see,” you whisper. “Well I’m sure you’ll do great. We’ll get through this together.”

Lyney nods.

“I’m just glad it’s you,” he says, pausing for a moment as if deep in thought. “Actually, ‘glad’ would be an understatement. ‘Beyond overjoyed’ is more accurate.”

Your breath hitches, and for a second, the world seems to still, suspended in a momentary utopia. Yet despite your giddiness and the euphoric feelings that arise in your heart, you shrug Lyney’s words off, trying your best not to get your hopes up. If you expect too much, you might find yourself disappointed in the end.

“The feeling is mutual, but maybe we should get to rehearsing now. I think I’m ready,” you tell him, pulling your hand out of his grasp in a light motion, clinging onto the last of his warmth as his skin grazes yours. It’s reminiscent of fading sunlight, comforting you with the dazzling radiance of a dying crepuscule, lulling you into a daze as it parts in shades of twilight that waltz in a dance of fantastical wonders.

“Your wish is my command,” Lyney responds playfully.

However, after only a few seconds, his features shift into a more serious expression. Although the same smile is still adorning his lips, it’s softer now, more sincere.

Is this all part of an act, or is it real?

An unidentifiable emotion now glints in Lyney's eyes in a display of diamond lights, illuminating seas of magnificent amethyst. Locks of platinum hair, composed of starlight essence, frame his face in a way that makes him look undeniably handsome. Once again, your heart, which had just barely stilled, begins to beat in a frenzy.

You want nothing more than to freeze time, stay in this ephemeral moment, relish in the sensation of his breath gently tickling your skin and engrave the ethereal sight before you into archives stored deep within your memories. But unfortunately, it’s impossible to pause the scene before you. Reality, unlike the countless movies and videos you’ve watched to study your part, stops for no one.

And before you know it, the divide between your lips and Lyney’s is diminishing, the blank space fading at a pace that feels both far too rapid yet far too prolonged at the same time.

Closer.

Closer.

And closer.

Until your lips meet in a clash of opalescent sparks, shedding light and embellishing the magical moment with an atmosphere worthy of any stage. The lilac butterflies that dance in the pit of your stomach prompt sensations of glee to arise within your heart.

His skin is soft and warm, and the feeling of his lips against yours is just so right. There’s no one else you’d rather kiss. There’s no one else you’ll ever long for. There’s no one in the world you’ll ever love more.

No matter how much you deny it, your relationship has crossed the line from platonic to romantic, gradually edging closer and closer to an unclear border before definitively falling over onto the other side. Your kiss with Lyney confirms everything. There’s far too much passion, far too much care and longing exchanged in a single act of affection.

Best friends don’t kiss each other like this.

At this point you’re certain the feeling is mutual. Now, all you have to do is wait until one of you inevitably confesses, and you’ll both be able to finally live happily ever after, basking in the splendor of true love.

thank you for reading <3 if you enjoyed this fic, i would really appreciate it if you could comment or reblog!

[menlove]

wait enlighten me on the i’m so tired being about paul grind i don’t know if i see it

ofc! it's just interpretation obviously but it's one of those that makes me eye it a bit. but. it's one of those that every beatles wiki will be like "it's about yoko" but he's never said that and honestly the song doesn't fit with their relationship at the time like at all. she WAS writing him a lot of telegrams and their relationship was certainly getting Weirder at the time, but I wouldn't think it would inspired sleepless, tortured nights yet

the song is very much like. a sort of rising anger/irritation with the situation and the person in the song which is very much where paul and john were at at the time. I'm not a "something happened in india" truther, but I do think things between them were going south. had been since brian died and only got worse with paul getting engaged.

this part particularly To Me reads as very paul

bc at the point john and YOKO were at if he called her and was like "hey I'm in love with you and I'm going insane and can't sleep over it" I don't even know that HE'D be scared she'd say he was joking and turn him down. like she was very much the one doing the chasing there for a while and her telegrams seem pretty damn confident about where that relationship was headed. where they were at just didn't seem like the tortured, aching, harm that he talks about in this song. it was the beginning obsession of new love which is a TOTALLY different feeling than this song gives off.

paul on the other hand. I think it would be incredibly reasonable to assume that if he told paul "yeah I haven't been able to sleep because you're driving me insane, I'm in love with you, and it's like actually genuinely hurting me" paul would go "that's a hilarious one john thanks" like 💀 way more in character for paul to brush something like that off than yoko

also as just a further lil reach lol in the esher demo there's this:

obviously john was just misspeaking and meant to say my arms but. interesting especially bc at this point him and yoko had never slept together or been intimate at all. that's USUALLY something I'd call bullshit on with affairs, but they've been pretty open about their relationship timeline. she's also. I mean. yoko isn't very charming lmao I'm not dogging on her she just isn't and she knows that, john knew that, the world knows that. she's just a very blunt person who at the time this was written was just coming off as sort of strange and mysterious to him.

so saying yknow "when I hold you (/fuck you) I wonder if I should get up and lock myself in a mental institution" would again just be a really weird and nonsensical thing to say about yoko. about the notoriously charming man who in this scenario you'd be fucking, though.......... homosexuality was BARELY legal let alone smth john had come to grips with so this whole doom spiral around this person & fucking them & what that means for you, well! very interesting, anyway

anyway that's it! I just am super unconvinced this song is about yoko. and there's really only 3 sort of romantic interest options in his life at the time it could be about and it just wouldn't fit for yoko or cynthia imo. so that leaves paul. and their quickly crumbling relationship.

[fcbooblona]

Sexy Surprise - Rúben Dias

Where reader got her nipples pierced to surprise Ruben.

Author’s note: Hey guys! It’s been 6 years since I’ve last written something and I’m slowly getting back into this world🙂‍↕️ Also, english is my second language, so please be gentle 🫶

I’m totally on for requests and other stuff envolving football! Have a good reading🩷

tw: smut

It was a friday afternoon and you had nothing to do, Ruben left early for training and after doing all of the house chores, boredom took over the place. Feeling bored was one of the things you hated the most, because it allowed your thoughts to go through spirals of random things and it usually ended it up with you wanting to do something crazy.

Which is exactly what happened today.

After getting out of the couch, you decided to take a shower, wanting to feel more refreshed. In the meantime, between taking off your clothes and preparing everything, you stood before the large mirror in your closet, looking at your naked body. You’ve always felt comfortable with how your body is, but now…it seems like something’s missing.

With that thought in your head, you went to the bathroom to take a shower and think about what you could do to change your body just a little bit, when an idea snapped into your head. A couple of days ago, during lunch, your friend told you about how she got her nipples pierced and how it increased her self esteem, and, of course, how things got even more heated in the bedroom. That was exactly what you wanted, a boost to your self esteem that would also work as something to make the sex even better, since Rúben was already obsessed with your boobs, complimenting them every single time you had sex.

You finished the shower and went straight to your phone, searching for the perfect body piercer to do the job. Luckily, you found a good one and booked your appointment for the same day, at 4pm. Since you already have a couple of piercings, the pain was totally manageable and you were super happy about it, getting home really fast, excited to show Rúben the surprise.

It was already 7pm when your boyfriend arrived, finding you in the kitchen, making dinner in just a white tank top and a pair of his sweatpants. For him, this was the paradise. He went behind you to hug your waist with his strong arms, making you jump a little bit, since you haven’t heard anything, and started to kiss your neck.

- Hi, Ruben. I’ve missed you so much. - you said while he sucked on your sweet spot.

- Hi, amor. - he lifted his head to look at what you were cooking. - Is it my favorite pasta? - the smile on his face grew even more.

- Yes, baby, it is. But you have to take a shower first, I can still smell the grass. - you laughed while he pouted.

- You’re mean. - he said on the way to the bathroom.

You finished dinner and started to set the table ready, waiting for Rúben to finish his 1-million-hours-long shower. When he emerged into the kitchen, smelling heavenly, you were already sat on the table, where he joined you and the two of you started to eat dinner and talk about the day. You noticed that your boyfriend’s eyes were navigating between your face and your boobs, probably wondering if something changed, but you kept talking as if nothing happened and he didn’t comment or anything.

Later, you two were laying on the sofa, cuddling and watching some random stuff on tv, when you felt his hands on your waist and some featherlight kisses on your jaw, your turned your face and met his lips, kissing him with passion and soon straddling his lap, turning the innocent kisses into a heated make-out session. His hands were traveling your whole body and quickly found the hem of your shirt, lifting it up to find your perky nipples, adorned by cute metal pieces. When he finally saw it, his brain couldn’t think straight, amazed by the view, the only thing he were able to do were press kisses all over your boob, while saying how pretty you looked.

- I can’t believe you found a way to be even sexier - he said in disbelief, while you tried to hold your moans.

Things got even hotter and now you were practically begging for him to make you cum on his dick, so you reached his pants and grabbed it, stroking it slowly.

- I wanna ride you, Rubes. - you said with puppy eyes.

- I’m all yours, gatinha. - he answered you, knowing how you get even hornier when he speaks portuguese.

You freed his dick completely and took off your pants, aligning it with you entrance, the both of you moaning while you were adjusting to his size, and soon you started to rock your hips back and forth, causing him to groan.

- You look so good riding my dick, baby - he said, almost breathless.

After some time of riding, and being ridiculously horny, you started to feel the pressure building up on your lower stomach, indicating that you were close. You could feel that Rúben was also almost there, since his dick was throbbing non-stop while inside of you. He kept kissing your body, focused on your pierced nipples, obviously, and massaging your clit, while you couldn’t stop moaning.

- Fuck, Rúben, I’m gonna cum - you said, breathlessly

- Cum with me, amor - he said and started to thrust up, finding your body in the middle of the way.

After a couple of seconds, you finally came, releasing your liquids all over your boyfriend, who followed you and filled you up with his cum. The both of you stood there, panting, hugging each other and recovering from everything you’ve done.

- I love you so much, baby - Rúben said to you, while your head was buried in the crook of his neck. You smiled against his skin and lifted you head up.

- I love you too, Rubes. - you kissed his lips.

- And before I forget to say it, I. love. your. boobs. - he said, pressing a kiss on each one of your pierced nipples between the words.

I really hope you guys enjoy it and I will appreciate so much if you comment! 🩷

[numberoneredriotfan]

A few things about Rody

I like to imagine that Rody covers up his flustered-ness with attempted jokes or suaveness but fails miserably. I also imagine like he’d be either very aware of flirtatious advances or incredibly oblivious… the oblivious more so with deku since to everyone around them their banter already seems like flirting in a way. And after someone is like “yo are you and deku dating” and he’s like “lol what nah we just frens” and the person explains that how they act together isn’t very friend coded he’d be hyper aware of what deku says and would completely drop the suave act cause he’s just panicking. He’s definitely NOT a fuckboy. That boy was way too focused on providing for his siblings that he doesn’t know the first thing about romance. He probably needs a wing man or a hype man.

The second thing about Rody is a question. What colour “character archetype” would you slot Rody into? Cause from watching a lot of anime and animation I think he fits one of the blue character archetypes (more commonly found in western animation). Like he’s very much a humorous guy, he is also pretty smart when it comes down to it, and just from a simple google search to refresh my memory “characters with the blue archetype’s strengths tend to be enthusiastic, sympathetic, communicative, compassionate, idealistic, sincere and imaginative.” So I personally think it fits Rody but he also fits into a few other colours as well.

SORRY FOR YAPPING ACK

Don't be sorry for yapping!! I love it when people yap in my inbox!!^^

And absolutely Rody's definitely the type to brush off his embarrassment with a joke. I don't think he's oblivious tbh, I think he's VERY aware because I think he reads a lot into what other people say. However I think his reaction depends on who it is. If anyone else other than Deku flirted with him, I think he would be a bit uncomfortable and kinda awkwardly laugh it off and quickly move to another topic. But I do think he's VERY aware of him and Deku. If Deku says anything even remotely romantic he immediately goes down a spiral of "Oh okay he said this but that doesn't necessarily mean anything yeah totally not I'm overthinking it but then again he's never said that to anyone else wait ew no what you think you're special all of a sudden?? I'm so self-centered what am I even thinking" and so on so forth. So yeah definitely NOT a fuckboy. Personally, I think Ochaco would be Rody's number one wing girl. (I will force my Rody and Ochaco friendship upon you and you will like it).

To be honest, I didn't know what a color character archetype was until this ask? Blue does sound like it fits him though! I truly believe he is such a sweetheart beneath all the trauma and masking.

[lainiespicewrites]

I just want to feel safe - Walter Marshall fanfic. Part 1?

Okay. Preface. This story has mentions of sexual assault. This is a personal story. But I've changed a lot of the names and some of the actual story to fit the fic. I think that I've decided this is going to be a series. It's taken a lot out of me writing this but. I really love Walter and I can see this relationship growing into something more than what is here. I also think that from a healing standpoint, I'm gonna write the story I never gave myself the chance to have. Anyway. That's enough from me. I'll let you guys read the story now. I know this is a heavy topic and situation but I'm still always open to comments and feedback. Thank you guys for the support in posting this <3

Plot: OFC reports assault after 2 years and Detective Walter Marshall is assigned to her case. He will stop at nothing to help her feel safe again.

Warnings: Panic attacks, mentions of sexual assault (retelling the story of what happened.)

Unbeta'd Mistakes are totally my own and I own that. This might be a mess because honestly I was super emotional writing this but it felt good to get it all down.

Please don't share without crediting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m not sure what I expected a police station to be like. Frankly I’d never really imagined myself in one. Kind of funny how things can change like that. All of a sudden you’re doing things you’d never imagine. That’s how I ended up here. In this strangely familiar looking police station. I guess maybe that’s the one thing movies and Tv got right. Police stations for the most part look exactly the same. This whole night started from a list of  “Fuck it why not’s” that spiraled out of control. But that explanation alone was not enough to help the officer help me. I looked back at the petite woman in front of me. I’m sure she was a good police officer. I wasn't trying to doubt her skill. But her overly sympathetic nature and deer in the headlights look on her face was making me feel worse. 

“I know this is hard.” She spoke softly, placing her hand over mine on the table. She didn’t know. She had no idea what this was like. Being attacked like this. Letting yourself become vulnerable because ‘why not’ I’d known those boys my entire life. When my brother invited me out for drinks with his friends, I didn’t have a reason not to trust them. Not to trust… him. My brother didn’t know. He couldn’t have known. He was betrayed too. “But I need you to tell me what you remember, what happened to you, so we can help you.” I looked around again At the empty gray walls. Out the window into the dark cloudy night sky. It must be almost midnight now. Anywhere but at the woman in front of me. What did she say her name was? Rachel? I focused on the empty desk chair behind her when I finally spoke. 

“It doesn’t matter. I remember all of it. Every detail. But we have no case.” I muttered I looked down playing with my hands again. 

“Alayna,” She said my name softly. I met her eyes again for the first time since we sat at her desk. “You don’t know that. You did the right thing coming here and reporting it. I need you to talk to me.” She pleaded with me. She didn’t understand. 

“No,” I said again. “I do know.” 

“How do you know we can’t help you?” She asked her eyes boring into mine. I know she wants to help. I know that but I just don’t see how they  can. not after it’s been so long. 

“There’s no evidence.” I said. 

“Sweetheart, with all due respect you aren’t a police officer we may be able to find something you wouldn’t think to look…”

“It was two years ago.” Rachel paused then. She took a deep breath and sat back in her chair. 

“2 years ago?” she repeated. I nodded. She let out a soft sigh. “Sweetie, Why did you wait so long to tell somebody?” She asked. This felt more manageable. This I at least knew the answer for. It was logical. It made sense. Well it doesn’t really make much sense but when you’re bargaining with yourself it does. 

“I didn’t think it would matter. I’m still not sure it does.” I said. I swallowed hard. Now or never Alayna. You didn’t walk 3 miles to the police station, in the cold, after a panic attack to not give yourself some kind of peace. I let out a long breath and started again but then the door of the squadroom opened. A tall figure walked in. I couldn’t make out much of him at first. Just that he was very tall, 6,1 or something and had a full beard. He was wearing a heavy winter coat and beanie. I tensed a little when  I watched him walk from the entrance to the desk next to Rachel’s. He shrugged off his coat revealing a thick gray sweater. He draped his coat over his chair and pulled off his beanie. His hair was a mess of dark curls. As soft and cozy as he should have looked…Something still felt intimidating about him. Maybe it was because he hadn’t spoken a word since he’d walked in the room. None of us had actually. 

“Alayna,” Rachel said my name, getting my attention and finally breaking the silence. “This is detective Walter Marshall. He’s going to be working on your case.” That’s right. When I came in to report, the officer on duty at the station had to attend to a call. When I told them I wanted to report an assault, they told me that they’re psychiatrist was still in the office.  I  could talk to her until one of the detectives was available. I think they were afraid if they told me to come back later… I wouldn’t. They were probably right. Although I’m not quite sure if it would be because I’d lost my nerve or dying of hypothermia on the walk home.  Rachel wasn’t even a detective. Was I really that out of it? Why didn’t I remember that until now?

“Okay,” was all I managed to say. 

“I can stay,” she said. I'm not sure if it was for me or the detective. Maybe both. “If you’re more comfortable. If it’s easier for you. Ya know?” she asked. I shook my head and I watched as the detective…Walter, put his hand on her shoulder. 

“Go home, it's been a long day,” he told her. His voice was deep but he spoke softly. And surprisingly he had an English accent. “We’ll manage,”  his eyes were tired and heavy when they met mine. He offered a gentle smile. I nodded. 

“You’re sure?” She asked. 

“I don’t want to keep you Rachel. I can talk to the detective.” I said. She nodded. 

“Okay, wait right here, just a moment while I catch him up okay? And then you two will get started.”  I gave her a slight nod and just stared out the window again. Rachel and the detective went off into a side office somewhere to discuss what I’d already mentioned. This was sure to be quick now. As soon as she tells him how long it’s been, he’ll dismiss me. This was so stupid. I’d kept this to myself for this long. I knew this was a bad idea. Just as I had convinced myself to get up and leave the office door opened again. 

“Thank you,” Walter’s voice said from across the room. “Get home safe.” he told Rachel as she waved goodbye. I gave her a small wave. I sat back in the chair trying to relax. But I knew I couldn’t. He came back over to the desk leaning his hip against it, crossing one foot over the other. “Are you comfortable out here or would you like to talk in my office?” He asked. “There aren’t too many people still around this late but, it would offer a bit more privacy than the open squadroom. It’s up to you.” He stated. I thought about it for a moment. Finally, I  pulled my eyes from the window to look up at him. 

“I think I’d feel better with a little more privacy,” I said. He gave me a sympathetic smile. 

I stood up from my spot next to the desk.  Then he led me out of the squadroom and down the hall to a small office. There wasn’t much, just a large desk with nothing but a computer and a travel coffee mug on it. The walls were bare other than a standard wall clock. He motioned for me to take a 

seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk as he shut the door behind us. He circled around to the other side of the desk, setting a file down and taking a seat across from me. 

“You’re reporting  an assault, is that right?” He asked. I nodded. 

“Yes, not a recent one. I’m sure Rachel informed you.” I said. I felt so ashamed of myself. I was wasting his time. Detective Marshall’s eyes met mine. I didn’t find the same overly sympathetic look in his eyes like I did with Rachel. He wasn’t pitying me. He wasn’t trying to psychoanalyze  me. At the same time, it wasn’t cruel or harsh. Not even annoyed. Just open. 

“She did,” he spoke after a brief pause. “But I’d like to hear the information from you myself. If that's alright with you?” He questioned. I swallowed hard. I leaned forward and folded my hands on the desk. 

“I can do that.” My voice shook when I spoke. “Will I need to write a witness statement too?” I asked him. Telling this story once was going to be hard enough. Seeing it written on paper was going to be gut wrenching. 

“Let’s just get through this conversation first. We’ll talk about the rest later, "he said. I nodded. He sat with his forearms leaning on the desk and his hands folded together. He pursed his lips into a tight small smile and nodded toward me. “Whenever you’re ready.” He stated. I swallowed hard. Of course it didn’t necessarily mean that. It was after midnight now. This guy probably wanted to get home. I had to get this out. 

“November 12th, or well 13th I guess. It was around 1:30 or 2am so the 13th. My brother, his friends and I had gone out for his birthday. It wasn’t his birthday though, we had to wait until the weekend to celebrate because it fell during the week.” I was rambling. He needed details. I need to stop rambling. “Uh anyway, We were at a bar, earlier that night on the 12th, but I got kind of tired. The boys were picking on me for being a lightweight and leaving early. I left the bar at 11, got home at like 11:15. I went right to bed. I was really tired. The boys were all gonna come back to the house when they were done at the bar. I woke up to the bedroom door bursting open at like 1 am and someone yelling my name. I screamed. It was my brother's friend. Um.” I paused for a second, starting to feel uncomfortable. Did I have to describe it exactly? What did I have to say? But Walter spoke, easing the tension a bit. 

“And what’s his name?” He asked me. 

“His name is Justin, uh Justin Veach.” I responded. Walter nodded for me to continue as he wrote a note in his folder. He put the pen down and looked up at me again letting me know he was listening. 

“Uh He said, ‘It’s okay! Don’t freak out, it's just me! We’re back, come hang out with us!’ Then he came over to my bed and kissed my face which was weird but he was an affectionate guy and well they were still drunk. I didn’t think much of it. He’d known me since I was a baby. He and my brother had been best friends since kindergarten. They were ten years older than me and he watched me grow up.” I shuttered a little thinking about it. “Um so after that he left. After telling me to come down stairs to talk with them again. And I did. We sat in the kitchen. I just sat there sleepy and confused. The boys were talking and eating drunk snacks or whatever,” I kind of chuckled a little. “It was nice. But we were talking about how it’s so funny that I’m old enough to go drink with them now. And Justin kept making these comments about remembering when I was born and that I was such a beautiful baby. It seemed so weird. But looking back. He knew. He knew what he was planning on doing…. We all said we were gonna go to bed. Blake, my brother, told Justin he could sleep on the couch or they could share his bed or whatever. But Justin was coming up the stairs with us and he said ‘I wanna cuddle’ to me, and he was still drunk and I thought he was joking so I laughed it off and said ‘yeah sure’ I let him lay in my bed. But I put myself on the inside. I thought he was just gonna lay there a minute and like it would be a joke. Blake did too. He asked if I was okay before he went to his room. Because he was still kinda drunk and ready to crash. I said. I was. But Justin didn’t just lay  there. He took off his pants before he got into the bed so he was just in boxers and his shirt. And,”

 I was shaking. I couldn’t do this anymore. I was gonna cry. I didn’t know this man. He was surely annoyed by me and. God he probably thought I was lying. That’s what Justin would tell him. When he confronts him. That I’m lying. Or maybe that's what I wanted. This was so stupid  I shouldn’t have come here. I swallowed hard again. I looked back up at walter. I could feel the tears in my eyes. 

“Take your time.” He said softly. “Is this when he hurt you?” He asked.

“I can’t,” my voice was trembling now. “I’m sorry I’ve wasted your time, I can’t do this.” I sobbed. I stood up to leave his office. Walter stood and walked to the other side of the desk gently reaching out and putting his hand on my shoulder. “There’s nothing you can do, I know that. I wasted your time detective. I’m so sorry.”

“Hold on,” Walter’s voice was low. “Sit back down, and breathe for a moment. If anything else I can’t let you walk out of here and drive home in this state.” I looked at his face. He was concerned. Worried about me. About my safety. I sat back down in the chair. I took a deep breath trying to compose myself again. But I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. “It’s okay, You’re safe in here. I’m going to do everything I can to help you Alayna.” Detective Marshall said, crouching down in front of me to meet my eyes again. I nodded. “Do you think you can keep going?” he asked. I nodded again. He stood and leaned on the edge of his desk. His proximity seemed to help keep my calm. I don’t know what was so different between him and talking with Rachel. But when he said he could help, I believed him. Maybe it was the sheer size of this man. Or the gun on his hip. Or maybe there was something in his aura or some other bullshit I didn’t understand that was protective and made me trust him. Fuck maybe I’d gone to far to turn back now and I was too emotionally exhausted not to lean on anyone who would listen. Whatever it was, I continued. 

“At first I was just laying next to him. Like I was saying, I thought it was a joke. But he wrapped his arm around me to make me cuddle him.. I guess. He started rubbing my back. I froze up. I started to recognize that his hand was lingering where it shouldn’t but I couldn’t say anything. And this guy he’s .. he’s huge. I mean like 6 foot and like 400 lbs when he rolled over on to me and started touching me I felt paralyzed I couldn’t move but… I couldn’t have pushed him off if I’d tried. I just felt hopeless. That’s when everything happened.” I sniffled softly. I hiccuuped catching my breath. “It was like I was outside of myself watching it all happen…I .. I don’t know if that makes sense? But I couldn’t do anything. All I could do was lay there. I don’t remember if I said no. But,

“You didn’t consent. That’s no. This was not your fault. You’ve already tried to blame yourself. It’s a really common thing, unfortunately, that you can’t react. But that doesn’t mean that you let it happen. Or that you wanted it to happen.”  Walter said softly. I nodded at the ground. 

“Afterward he, he fell asleep and I showered, I had to get rid of the feeling of him. I slept on the couch, Well I tried to. The next morning he was came down and sat with  all of us like nothing had happened. I had mentioned that my back had hurt the night before. And he moved closer to me and rubbed it for me. I couldn’t move. I didn’t react…again. I just. I don’t know. All I could think was, I didn’t wanna start anything. But I also couldn’t make sense of what happened. When he left I changed the sheets. I threw them away actually. My clothes were washed. But eventually I couldn’t look at them anymore. I threw them away too.”

“Why do you think it took you so long to say anything?” Walter asked me. 

“I wasn’t even sure it happened. I wasn’t sure I could call it what it was. I mean he was drunk, I just… Just laid there. It took me over a week to tell my best friend. But It took almost 4 months after talking it out with her and one of my other friends for me to face it and call it what it was. But I still can’t say it.”

“And why are you here now? What made you report it?” He raised an eyebrow. I took a deep breath. This has been eating at me so long but. This month. This 2 year “anniversary.” If you could call it that. Has been terrorizing me. 

“It’s all I could think about the last couple of weeks. I started having nightmares. Seeing him in my dreams. Before when I dreamt about it, I always got away. Someone always stopped him. But now. Now I’m trapped all overagain. It happened in my childhood home. In the room I grew up in. I’ve moved out since then. I live alone. He doesn’t even live in that town anymore. He lives 3 hours away from me. The chances that I’ll run into him are slim. And I don’t have any 

reminders of it anymore. But Sometimes if I wake up and I’m laying next to the wall it sends me into a panic. If I see someone with a similar body type or with a similar voice it shut down. He’s over a 100 miles away. But I don’t feel safe. I’m losing my mind! I’m getting up to check the lock on the door like 10 times before I can go to sleep. What if he just walks in like he did then. He doesn’t even know where I live. But I’ve never confronted him. And he has a wife! And Kids. He did when he did this to me. I can’t get over that. She needs to know but … I don’t, I don’t know what to do! That’s why I’m here, I had another panic attack, I didn’t trust myself to drive. So I walked. ” I was in tears again. He must think I’m so weak. So stupid. What an idiotic thing to do. 

“I understand, and first I want to say, I’m sorry that you went had to experience that. It’s a good you were able to tell your friends, but you were seemingly dealing with this alone for a long time. I’m sure that’s taken a toll on you. The next thing I need to ask you, is what you want to do now that you’ve told me.” I took in his words. He was right. This has been so heavy. And I’ve carried it alone for so long. But now that I’m here I never thought there would be options. 

“What can we even do? It’s been so long?” I asked. 

“Not too long though, if you want to press charges, and see him convited for this, that’s still on the table. If that’s what you want to do then yes, I do need you to write a witness statement. There will be a lot of other legal things that need to be done and signed. Then we can start an investigation. I know you think there isn’t anything here. But well do you trust me?” He asked. Did I? I didn’t know him. But Rachel seemed to. And he had his own office. That must mean he’s some high status detective right? And there was just something about him. Why did he feel so safe. It wasn’t the gun. It was. It was him. I did trust him. 

“I do,” I spoke finally. 

“I’ve put people away, on much less than what you’ve given me tonight.” He said. That felt good. To know he could lose everything. Like he made me lose my sense of security. But then my stomach dropped. 

“W-would I have to see him?” I asked meekly. 

“In court yes, possibly in a line up. But definitely in court. We would need your testimoney,”

“I- I don’t know if I can do that, I don’t know if I can face him.” I shook again. 

“There will be officers in the court. You won’t be near him. He won’t be able to get to you.” 

“Will you be there?” I asked suddenly. 

“If you’d like, yes, I can be there.” He said giving me a soft smile. 

“Can I think about it?” I asked meeting his eyes again. 

“Of course,” He stood and walked back to the other side of his desk. “It’s been a long night emotionally for you, if you’re ready tomorrow to make a decision you can come back in the morning.” He said typing a something quickly on his computer. “If you’ll wait just a few minutes I can gladly give you a ride home. It’s far too cold for you to walk, even it’s a block away.” He offered. I nodded. 

“Thank you, I appreciate that. It’s, well its actually 3 miles.” I stated biting my lip awkwardly. He let out a soft chuckle and smiled. 

“Well, I surely can’t let you walk that far this late. I’ll get you home safe.” He said. He finished typing whatever it was he was doing on his computer. Then he locked the file in his desk. He stood and gestured for me to lead out of the office. He turned the light off and locked it behind him. Oh God I’d kept him after his shift. 

“I’m sorry for keeping you,” 

“Oh, no don’t appologize, this is common practice for me. This is honestly the earliest I’ve left in weeks.” He said as we walked back to the squadroom. He grabbed his coat from the desk chair. “Do you have everything?” He asked. I nodded. 

He led us out of the station and to his truck in the parking lot. Once we were settled in, I gave him my address so he could drive me home. I watched out the window as he drove down the familiar streets. The drive was silent. The closer we got the more I got this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Back home. Back home to be alone again. I was so scared. What if he knew where I lived. I didn’t feel safe. It wasn’t long before the detective was pulling up in front of my building. 

“Thank you,” I spoke breaking the silence for the first time since we’d left the police station. 

“Of course,” He reached into his pocket pulling out a business card. “Take the night and decide what you’d like to do.” He said and then handed me the card. “That’s my cellphone number. If there’s anything else you need call…”

“Would you come in?” I cringed the second the words left my mouth. 

“I, I can search the place, If you’d like. If it would make you more comfortable.” He offered. 

“I mean, could you…” I can’t believe I was asking this, “Stay?” the word came out barely above a whisper. I sighed. I turned toward the window squeezing my eyes shut. “I’m sorry that was stupid, You probably have a wife, and a family to get home to. That was so inconsiderate. I just. I was afraid and I… I’ll just go.” I opened the door. 

“You don’t feel safe, do you?” He asked. I paused and shook my head. I didn’t. I hadn’t for weeks. But I couldn’t ask this guy to give up his time for me. 

“I don’t but, It’s okay. It’s just that there’s only one deadbolt lock on the door. And I don’t know sometimes that doesn’t feel like enough. And I can’t seem to get any sleep. But that’s not up to you. I have to figure this out. You’ve done so much to help me already detective.” I rambled. Walter let out a long breath. 

“You’ve got a lot on your mind right now and a lot to consider.” He said. “I’m sure the lack of sleep isn’t helping at all, You could use a good nights rest.”  He stated. 

“But it’s not you’re responsibility and I don’t want to take you away from your family.” I said. 

“I, well I live alone actually.” He bit his lip awkwardly “Why don’t you stay with me for the night? I’ve got some work to catch up on anyway. I probably won’t be getting much sleep. You wouldnt’t be putting me out.”

“Are you sure?” I asked raising an eyebrow. I’d given this poor guy enough trouble. And he was being so kind. Walter nodded. Honestly. The way I was feeling I didn’t have the energy to consider it any longer. I shut the door and walter put the truck in drive. 

It was almost 2 am when we walked into his house. 

“I can just sleep on the couch I, I really don’t want to be any trouble.” 

“You aren’t,” He assured me. “And please, you can sleep in the bedroom, I rarely sleep there anyway. It’d be nice to know someones getting use out of it.” He smiled. I nodded and he showed me to the room and left me to get comfortable. He said he’d be down stairs likely working in his office if I needed anything. I took in the room everything seemed to be a dark navy color the comforter, the curtains the sheets. I chuckled to myself. That made sense for him. 

I slipped off my shoes and slid under the covers. This should feel strange. And it did. But I was safe. And I hadn’t felt that way in a while. I let that feeling take over as I tried to fall asleep. But my mind started to wander again. What if he found out I reported it. What would happen. Or What would he do when they arrested him. What would he say about me. Would he say I wanted it. Tell them I didn’t push them away. Try to convince them that I was lying somehow? He was good at that. And he had a friend from college that was a lawyer. Surely he already had a story. Maybe he’d been prepared since it had happened. I started to shake again. I could feel my heart rate speeding up. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t hear the footsteps up the stairs. I didn’t see him come in. I didn’t even realize that I’d started  to cry again until I noticed he was next to me saying my name. 

“Alayna. Alayna. It’s okay. You’re okay. Take a deep breath.” He soothed.

“I can’t, I can’t… what if he tries to come after me. What if.. What if he tells them… what if tries to tell them I wanted him to…I don’t think I can do this.” I sobbed. Walter wrapped an arm around my shoulder. 

“He can’t get to you. We’ll be sure of that. All that matters, is that you’ve told us the truth. As long as you have, and as long as you confirm that in court. No matter what he says or what anyone believes, it won’t matter. I want to help you. I want you to feel safe again. I think the only way we can do that. Is to put this guy away. I’m not gonna stop until we do. I won’t let him hurt you again.”  He said.  Pulling me closer to him. 

“Do you have a sister?” I asked after a brief pause sniffling softly. 

“No,” He shook his head and leaning back against the headboard letting me rest my head against his shoulder. “But I have a daughter.” He said. 

“Is that why you do what you do?” I asked. He smiled. But he was quite for a moment. 

“Not at first. When I was younger and I first started out, it was just something that I liked. Something I was good at. But when my exwife and I had our daughter, a lot of that changed. It became personal. To an unhealthy point honestly.” He chuckled at himself. “I guess to my own detriment.”

“Is that why you’re still working even though you clocked out hours ago? You could use some good sleep too detective.” I stated. Starting to relax. 

“I haven’t slept well in ages,” He said. “Focusing on the job, oddly enough, keeps my mind off everything else. There are some horrible people in this world. I don’t have to explain that to you. I get so in my own head about how, it could be her. If I spend anymore time considering the what ifs I’d keep her locked in a tower,” He chuckled. 

“I understand that. But surely, If she was raised by you, she’s a smart girl. But.. well I guess,” I sighed. “Nevermind.” Walter squeezed my shoulder softly. 

“Thank you, I know what you mean.” He smiled sympathetically. 

“I’m going to do it.” I said suddenly. “Press charges, I mean. You’re right. Knowing can still get to me. Knowing he’s out there. That’s what’s causing me all this stress and …I can’t keep going on like this.” I stated. 

“I can take you back to the station tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” I whispered. “Walter?” I asked nervously biting my lip. 

“Yeah?” 

“Will you stay here? I don’t know what it is I just feel.. Safer when you’re here.” I blushed softly. Walter adjusted so that he was lying on the bed. I moved and laid my head on the pillow. 

“Get some sleep darling. I’ll be right here.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay that was part one❤️ let me know how you’re feeling about this guys!

Tag list: @summersong69 @carrie80reads @caramariehurst @redheadrouge @warriormirkwood @gummydummy19 @deandoesthingstome @shellyshellshell @mary-ann84 @starfirewildheart @foxyjwls007 @alwayzmsbehavn @toooldforobsessions@mishkatelwarriorgoddess @henryownsme @identity2212

Part 2:

[emnesoi]

FIFTY TO SIXTY THOUGHTS NOW

aaaa scary

ok i will comply but only because now this is a bit instead of just random

fuck i just knocked my phone over while i was taking off my headphones

i should take out the trash

tea is cool they should make more tea

oh right i was getting drunk i totally forgot and i have half a spiked drink at my desk

i wish my teddy bear would sit up well but the ds's between its legs mean it falls over a lot due to how the leg joints work

wow i have three ds's on this desk right now that's weird

my friend left her pocketknife over and i should really give it back to her

it's a really nice pocketknife but i dont wanna use someone else's pocketknife so i should ask her where she got it

fuck coming up with 60 thoughts is hard

i need to take more instant photographs i have one i took of a friend's tsukihi plush on the bulletin board over my desk

why did i say "friend" you know exactly who im talking about

is it weird that i have a bulletin board over my desk

theres a little shelf under that bulletin board and on it i have two 3d prints, one of a marker switch from myst and one that's a lithophane of the cover of the downward spiral by nine inch nails and i think it's interesting that despite the fact that i asked a friend to print the lithophane years before i got a 3d printer you could reasonably assume i printed both of them

wow that was a thought that took way too much time to expalin

theres a lot of guitar maintenance equipment at my desk which is weird cuz i typically do that stuff at my couch rather than here

jesus christ theres too much stuff on my desk

i dont even need this string winder cuz there's a better string winder literally right next to it

i think ive used that tuning pipe like once

theres also an ace ring right next to them and i think that's funny

when i bought this flashlight i was debating whether to get this pretty decent one or a really fancy expensive one and a friend said "get the expensive one and brag about it on r/flashlights" which immediately convinced me to get the pretty decent one

i also have a set of security screwdriver heads at my desk which my dad got for me and i remember him telling me that he went to the hardware store asking for security heads and they scoffed and went "if you could just buy those they wouldn't work" so he went home and bought two sets off the internet and i thought that was funny

i hope you're reading this in the tone of Jory in that one episode of the ten minute power hour where Arin sits him on his lap and painstakingly grills him about his favorite pokemon and it gets really awkward

wow that sounds really weird when i describe it like that

fuck im not even halfway done

if i had a nickel for every thought im gonna post here i would have $3 which isnt very much money

i got a humidifier recently because it's really dry in my room and im not used to anything in here moving besides me so i keep seeing the stream of fog fog out of the corner of my eye and going AH ! INTRUDER !

that's not a bespoke thought for this thread i posted that on a discord server earlier today does that still count

it's annoying how i have to turn off my vpn whenever i try to go on rateyourmusic because it thinks im trying to ddos them or something

i dont even rate my music i just go there to get an overview of what an artist's most liked albums are so i can get into them easier

that's why im getting into current 93 through sleep has his house rather than thunder perfect mind despite the fact that i think literally everyone except rym agrees that thunder perfect mind is better

though now that i look at it they're only 0.01 off so its not like that discrepancy is that weird

with all of the bonus tracks bandcamp has, thunder perfect mind is as long as swans' soundtracks for the blind and i think that's funny

long albums are cool and i should listen to more of them, some of my favorites that ive listened to recently can't fit on a cd

it's funny that "fitting on a cd" is my criterion for "long" when i havent been an active cd collector for quite a while, i guess that just kinda wormed its way into my brain

oh we're getting enough text in this post to make the editor lag that's scary i hope it'll be good for another 23 thoughts

hey 23 is the number of thoughts i had last time i commented on how many thoughts i needed to post

shit, no it wasn't, it was 26, i really should have checked

wow i hope this is interesting to read

how many words is this at this point i need to check

it's 875 as of that last thought not including bullet points, i think that's more than the number of words ive written for my actual writing in the past few weeks

since pages hold around 250 words that means you would need four pages (ceiling) to write as much as i had written by thought 41

will people understand what i mean when i say "ceiling" i hope so

i wonder how many words this will be when im done

i think i can estimate with that other word count

since 41 is roughly 2/3rds of 60, that means that the amount of words this will have at the end will be 875*1.5 which is 1312

holy shit that's the based number

i lied it's 1312.5 i just rounded it down so it would be the based number

wow it's REALLLLY starting to lag now i wonder if the text editor's unoptimizedness is exponential for some reason

at this point im in the 50s and you asked for 50-60 so i could reasonably stop here but i kind of already committed to 60 so i can't really

i wonder if this is what you expected when you sent this ask

probably not but i mean i don't know what else you could have expected, maybe just me brushing this off aloofly

i wish i had more money so i could buy more music

it's kind of weird that i buy music right like whenever i talk about this to people theyre like oh i just use spotify or youtube or whatever but im weird and neurotic and like owning things too much

it is so laggy now that sometimes ill make a typo and then correct it and then only see all of that happen like 10 seconds later

i wonder if it's weird that i can correct typos without actually seeing what i typed like i just Know

oh shit im nearing the end now i gotta make this count

i wonder what "making this count" means in this context like how would i make the final thought "epic" theyre just thoughts this has been a total stream of consciousness it's not really building to anything

kitty nyaaaaan

[zhuoyichenpretty]

ep 24 commentary (brain fried edition)

my head is a little empty after ep 24 tbh!! brain is not braining after all the zyc hurt no comfort (-:

some scattered thoughts here and there, painstakingly corralled like cats out of my vacuous brain and into a list (spoilers):

ZYZ is really emo this episode poor dude like he is having a hard time keeping it together it seems. Every other word out of his mouth is depressing as shit, which is saying a lot considering how depressing he usually is already (': I kind of wanted this episode to pick his brain more, give him room to emote in the aftermath of all that. But it almost feels like the character refuses to be alone, like he might spiral if he has too much time to get in his own head. I'm still so curious to know, though, what he thinks about the state of their promise in light of how far ZYC went trying to save him. “He has us,” ZYZ said to WX. When the time comes, I wonder how he'll reconcile that with what he’s asked of ZYC.

PSJ and Ying Lei bonding! shenanigans! I did laugh thank you guys. Also, not that the team didn't operate separately before, but I really get a sense of how much ZYC held things together with how apparent his absence is. It's obvs heartwarming seeing how hard everyone is working to save him (PSJ especially for me bc I love their mutual tacit trust and respect and all the ways they're alike and different), but ultimately it's still so angsty (':

Kind of love the couple instances where ZYC has been referred to as fragile/weak/of delicate constitution (depending on how you wanna translate it) like that's a very interesting quality to assign to basically the tank of your team. Even if the comments are made facetiously, it just reminds me of how often we witness his mortality, and of course how everything about the styling, aesthetics, and content of the flashbacks to his childhood reinforce a characterization of vulnerability at the very heart of him. I saw someone mention how the Cloud Light Sword responded to ZYC's tears and to that vulnerability rather than brute strength, and I totally agree. I love how this "fragile" characterization plays into the whole fate weapon deal. ZYC's strength is (imo) unconventional, and it is his sensitivity, his compassion, and his deep capacity to feel that the sword acknowledges, resonates with, and empowers. Almost like it protects his tender heart rather than making it something he needs to overcome to get stronger.

One thing I will never get over is how incredibly they styled TJR as baby!Yichen, adult ZYC, and Bingyi. What do you mean this is all from one drama and not three separate productions. Insane. I'm out of my mind with how gorgeous every change in costuming is.

A tangential note is I've seen people mention (paraphrasing very much here) ZYZ's demon form being nicely subtle in its eerie inhumanity and tbh I have a similar feeling even just about human adult ZYC imo. Especially when his hair is down and he's got that thick eyeliner on and we get a close up of his contacts, if you told me from the start that he's half-demon half-human or something I'd believe it. Along the same vein, baby!Yichen reads completely human to me, and Bingyi of course completely demon. Something something the Cloud Light Sword bridges the gap something. This point is unintelligible and not narratively based but I had to make it because I've been thinking "wow ZYC elven" for days now.

Saw a tag about yuanyi getting us through some dark times but man they are PUTTING me through some dark times rn help?/

Been trying to put off talking about the baby Yichen scenes because wow I cried immediately. Well, no, I was like "yay! I love seeing baby Yichen!" and then they crushed me into demon dust lol. And then WX had to tell that absolutely precious story about when she got sick and ZYZ had to go like "actually ZYC was probably lonely as fuck" and yeah that's fine I didn't need my heart anyway.

Ending on this point so I can put a pretty screencap here: There is so much gravity to just the short scene of Bingyi removing his mask and dropping to his knees with that anguished and fatigued expression. TJR's acting is the gift that keeps on giving (me angst).

so sorry if anything here didn't make sense, i currently have the same thousand-mile-stare as Bingyi the more i think about how this all might end and how long I'm gonna have to wait to find out.

[squeakyleftsneaker]

Watching Voltron for the 1st Time: S4 (!!) Ep. 4-6.

Cannot believe I'm still doing ts. *FREE CONTEXT CLICK HERE*. Or, if you're not the reading type, I am easily bullied, especially so by middle schoolers. And so now I'm watching this at the behest of a middle schooler. Whoopee. And also now I'm invested in how something has turned out so poorly from such decent potential. Guys I. Somehow. Have reached halfway through. We're done with season 4 now. By the way. I'm just warning you. The headloss on this one? It's going to go crazy. Brace for impact. It starts normal and then spirals out of control.

Tis Peak

Spectacular gimme 80 million of these shitty little Voltron shows

Coran getting a brainworm is so fucking. Wow. This show really understands what kind of depravity I find enjoyable sometimes.

This feels like the kind of deranged nonsense I was hoping for.

VOLTRON ON ICE BRO VOLTRON ON ICE

I have no complaints about the Voltron show episode I think it's 1: perfect and 2: hysterical and 3: maybe they should have Coran do more space coke/worms/acid because this is the exact level of clusterfucker I need.

Loverboy Lance, Allura being Keith (they really are bros) SHIRO THE HERO I'M CRYING BRO THIS IS GREAT LOVERBOY LANCE I'M HERE FOR IT

Space Cocaine is one hell of a drug guys

At least Lance is being a good emotional support dude for Allura. I WISH THEY DID THIS BETTER BRO BUT HEYO HE'S NOT HITTING ON HER AND INSTEAD BEING SUPPORTIVE WE LOVE BASED FEMINISM-PILLED LANCE

The Nadir of Entertainment

Hey Voltron you don't get to ironically joke about Hunk always being the butt of the joke when THAT'S WHAT YOU DO UNIRONICALLY

Minor note I would pay actual money to have seen the Blade of Marmora or Lotor or like, the rebels reacting to the shows lmfao

Bro I'm ngl I tuned out like. 10 minutes of episode 5 and I am nawt about to rewatch ts. I tuned back in and they were STILL talking about their plan. Man. Maybe this whole overabundance of exposition is STUPID

We're spending so much time just explaining a damn plan and we don't bother to do

Episode 5 of 6, which is, I cannot stress this enough, OVER 15% OF THE SHOW, is just pure exposition and very little is happening. Bro.

EPISODE SIX IS ALSO ALMOST ALL EXPOSITION

"Something's wrong" BRO WE COULD'VE BEEN HERE MUCH SOONER AND GOTTEN HERE WITH FAR GREATER STAKES

On god I genuinely HATE that Allura needed to be coaxed into using her magic but whatever ig when we get a win for Lance being a feminist now we must get a loss on HAVING WOMEN BE GOOD AT THEIR JOB. WHICH ALLURA OBVIOUSLY IS

Bro are they planning on addressing Keith's little sewer slide mission? Like. What??

That came out of NOWHERE dawg. I'm. WHAT???

I AM FR JUST BLINKING. WOW WHAT A WAY TO END THE SEASON BET THEY'LL NEVER SPEAK OF THAT AGAIN

TANGENT here on character ethnicities. I think it's a mistake to generally give this show much credit for ~representation~ given how all the characters are written The Same and the fact that besides Allura and Keith, their backgrounds have absolutely 0 bearing on the show. It is funny to me that Allura and Keith are also the only two of the main cast with non-white VA. Hm! Inch resting! I will unpack that further at another point because this show is FRAUGHT, not only with the existing tropes and genre conventions of a lot of space sci fi, but also plenty of other shit.

Am I particularly. PLEASED that the 3 most narratively hurt and screwed up characters so far are the OBVIOUSLY JAPANESE guy (because his name is fucking Takashi Shirogane there's no ambiguity there lmfao. 3/4 of the other earth paladins are ethnically ambiguous) and the 2 characters that are aliens and not voiced by white people? NOPE! NOT ONE BIT! And I worry it will get WORSE.

That said there's also just a total lack of development for our Ambiguously Brown (thus far at least) characters so.

Really how Inch Resting that the only character that gets to fulfill what she set out to do so far is Pidge. Who is unambiguously. Respectfully. Whiter than pure cocaine.

AND ANOTHER TANGENT about Altea for a moment. I do understand that the writers may not have INTENDED anything by having a hereditary monarchy that made a superweapon be their edenic pre-war state. But the implications of that are. Rather gross to me.

AT THE SAME TIME Altea can be deeply flawed with a lot of capacity for underpinning horrors in governing structure and STILL have their eradication be an insurmountable and colossal evil. Because ALL people have great capacity for evil. There is not one person whose fundamental relation to others would not be irreparably altered when given unlimited power. That doesn't make the loss any less great. The loss is of something irreplaceable. The loss is so vast and incomprehensible because it is a loss of PEOPLE.

No people is perfect. To claim that is flawed, it is disrespectful to us all! No people deserves to be flattened, to be homogenized, to be made a monolith. But regardless of perfection the loss of one? The deliberate and total eradication of a people is ALWAYS and MUST ALWAYS be considered a great evil. And the total eradication of a people must NEVER be framed as the result of what Those People did. Because it NEVER is. No matter what Altea did or was, their eradication was NOT their fault. Altea could've been a bit awful or rather wonderful and it DOES NOT MATTER because ultimately it would have ALWAYS been an unforgivable evil to eliminate them entirely.

This show fails to explore that. It fails pretty fundamentally at that because it gives us SO LITTLE exploration of power dynamics and has so little nuance. There SHOULD be exploration of the fact that a superweapon is a symbol of peace! There SHOULD be exploration of the fact that the Galra as an empire created this culture of blood purity and did AT LEAST one genocide. There should be exploration of the fact that like. There are deep structural injustices on every level in this show

IN FACT THE SHOW SHOULD DIG INTO THE MILITARISTIC STUFF GOING ON ON EARTH BECAUSE. WOOF. WOOF BRO. But they won't because it's a show made for children that doesn't have any guts to actually explore this in a way that you could make acceptable for children. Child soldiers, peacekeeping superweapons, a genocidal empire, I could go on. All of this is. So very fraught.

TANGENT THE THIRD: I also feel several kinds of ways about Haggar and we can get into that later because I feel like it's so. Ugh. To have someone from the victimized people be the one corrupted by this Pure Evil entity and then ultimately collaborate with her patriarchal husband to eradicate her people is so. UGH. That's... UGH. It makes my skin CRAWL. I will have to write all of this up in greater detail eventually but. The gender stuff in this show is. Ugh.

TANGENTS COMPLETE none of them are written to be articulate or even well expressed and I will defo regret the wording on all of them in like 2 days because I like to word things with intention and not just word vomit but I needed to word vomit so I figured I may as well put them there

[chericheribaby]

Fanfiction Author Interview Game

thank you for the tag @moonheavens i loved snooping on your answers hehe <3

How many works do you have on AO3?

seven at the moment! that will change pretty soon...

What's your total AO3 word count?

105,014 but that's because it's counting my hidden works! (about time and my jegbb)

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

archenemies (or so he thought) | if you care for me pls don't read this lmao, this was my first born and it's... yeah, please don't. (somehow this is my work with the most hits which is terrible)

Don't threaten me with a good time | the sequel of archenemies, same warning lol

When it rains | I liked how this one turned out, it's silly and lovely and it has pastries which is nice so, yeah!

Some sunny day | oh this one, this one is so soft and so sweet, the fluffiest of fluffs. it has mexican james, chilean remus, little harry and little luna <3 a day at the beach <3

light as a feather, soft as a kiss | my first drarry <3 love a good pinning and pathetic draco just as the next guy

(shout out to as warm as the calabrian sun that was one kudos away from making it to this list)

Do you respond to comments?

I do but not as often as I should, I have a lot of unanswered comments in my inbox but one of my goals for this year is to answer all of them, I love comments and I have this idea that maybe people don't comment because they see I don't answer comments that often :/

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I wouldn't say the angstiest ending because i like happy endings but slow dancing in the dark is the angstiest fic I have, though i want to believe it's more of a hopeful ending :•) (the people who read it might disagree)

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

like i said, i like happy endings but if I have to choose, maybe some sunny day, it's has a pretty sweet ending I think!

Do you write crossovers?

not really, no!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

nope!

Do you write smut?

I have but it's not posted yet! you can get back to me a month from now tho...

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but I’m waiting for my friends to shoot the shot with me…….

What's your all-time favorite ship?

drarry my beloveds <3

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

The Empire of the Sun, it was a big project of mine, one i really liked! it was a jegulus dystopian au, I had the whole idea drafted but I've seen how people treat fics and authors in this fandom, specifically with this pairing and that kinda made me. not want to continue writing it, honestly. Also it's a big ass fic so, I don't think I'll ever finish it anyway.

What are your writing strengths?

I think maybe inner dialogue, I like to ramble a lot inside my little puppet's head so, probably that. I'm kind of an oblivious self-deprecating author so I'm very Unaware of these things.

What are your writing weaknesses?

A year ago I would've said my inability to finish anything but that's not true anymore so, probably the lack of flexibility, sometimes i want something to make sense and i research and I spiral that something is not quite right when in reality this is fucking fiction and i need to calm down and remember is not that serious!! (also long ass sentences like this one... not even a comma im Insane)

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

All in, I even have dialogue in french and spanish in my fics so. I particularly appreciate it when the author leaves the translation in the notes so i know what they're talking about hehe

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

Good Omens, I have a azicrow/ineffable husband's fic in my drafts so, maybe that will see the light of day someday! also, Agatha All Along, agathario, those two tempt me to write something for them....

What's your favorite fic you've written?

About Time, Scars and the Brightest Stars, that fic is like, my baby and I'm so proud of how is coming along! can't wait for you to read it!!!

no pressure tags: @static-radio-ao3 @residentrookie @ecstarry @kaaaaaaarf @aeoneskova @rae-lune @inevitablestars @velanavis @emlovessid @itsjaywalkers and OPEN TAG!!

[smoshsfavoritepizzaplace]

i think people who dislike damien tend to claim that it was for his interaction w a palestinian fan are quite transparent on the fact that its implicit bias against autistic adults who do not mask as much lol. because, the thing is, what he did was shitty. how he acted towards that fan was not cool.

these people were WAITING on him to do something bad because they do not like autistic people who don't mask. maybe i'm reading into it too much but when someone is "annoying" online, people hold their breaths hoping they do somethingto fuck up so that they have a moral high ground to hate on them from. but the truth is they just dislike his autistic traits.

after his interaction w the palestinian fan, i honestly liked him a little bit less. he used to be one of my faves but i thought how he reacted was immature. autism or not, i've learned to interact with people who confront me with respect and care and i have autism and i don't mask, either. i know the shame spirals that lead to how he acted, i still thought it was uncool even when i understood it. but oh my god, i don't even hate n*ah the way some damangela antis hate damien.

i get why people dislike him for his "woke" persona esp cause so many men of his status and complexion (hehehe sorry white men) have positioned themselves as feminists but are just using it as a shield to protect from being critiqued on their actual misogyny. and i also dislike it when white people "activist" so hard that they speak over poc- i especially hate when whits people tryto tell me why white people behavior is bad. i think damien can fall into a bit of a sanitized, millenial internet activist archetype and it does frustrate me sometimes.

but i think, as an autistic person, you can kinda pick up on when people hate someone because of the reasons they claim or if it's just implicit bias. and in the case of damien, the WAY some people hate him make it clear to me that it's just because of his autism. ESPECIALLY after his vocalness about his diagnosis. people want shame out of everybody and hate self acceptance. the same way that when people hate on courtney it's blatantly obvious that it's misogyny when they pretend it's for "valid" reasons.

also sorry i'm so critical of damien on here. i also dislike when people chalk up any bad behavior to "it's his autism" when it isn't. i'm sorry if this whole message is a little messy but i hope u get what i'm trying to say 😔😔

tl;dr: there are valid reasons to criticize and dislike damien but the way some damien haters act make it obvious to me that they're lying and they just hate him cause of his autism.

Tbh I’ll never really understand why people hate Damien the way they do. He of course has made some questionable choices or whatever but some people act like he’s the straight up worst sometimes. It’s totally okay to hold him accountable if he does something bad, absolutely, but I think some people have just disliked him for a while and like you said, waited for him to mess up. As I stated before, everyone who doesn’t like doesn’t have to and it’s okay that they don’t. But I just wish they were a bit more “fair” to him if that makes sense

[greensagephase]

Miss girl, woman with the most powerful brain and best pacing ever—hi pookie! I have a lil question about NC that came to me mid-reread (because yes, I’m deep in my spiral).

Sooo—is Dulzura on any kind of birth control? I ask because in a couple chapters it’s shown that she has a pretty regular period (with some stronger cramps here and there), so it made me wonder if she’s on anything or not.

And (I know I’m jumping way ahead, sorry lol), if something were to happen between her and Miguel 👀, do you think he’d be okay with her using hormonal birth control? I just feel like with how much he cares about her—and knowing how science/genetics-minded he is—he might not love the idea of something hormonal messing with her system.

Or, maybe because he’s from such a futuristic universe, there are birth control methods that are way more advanced and nothing like what we have today? I remember that scene where Miguel talks about how meds (including birth control) vary across universes, and that totally supports the idea—so now my brain’s been spinning with possibilities.

Also—and I swear this is asked with so much love and zero pressure—do you have any idea when Part 23 might be coming? I just miss them a lot and NC has become such a comforting, beautiful story for me.

Thank you for writing something so tender, rich, beautiful, moving, and magnetic. NC is genuinely one of the best things I’ve read. Your storytelling, the pacing, the emotional intimacy—your work lives in my heart rent-free. It’s chef’s kiss. I truly love this fic with my whole heart. I hope you’re doing great, and sending you so much love! 🫂

Hii, pookie! Omg, this was such a sweet ask, thank you so much! Also, I love and appreciate it so much that you’re rereading NC. Thank you! I hope you’re enjoying it! 🥰💖

About Dulzura using some kind of birth control, the answer is no. She’s not on any birth control right now. From the start, this has been her situation since this is how the story began — with her having her period and Miguel showing up because he’s worried about her since she didn’t show up for work (although he lied and said it was Jess who had sent him, hehe). So from the start, it’s been in my head that no, she’s not on any birth control and hasn’t been in a long time, not since her Peter died.

I know we haven’t discussed this because it hasn’t been relevant yet due to the story’s focus on both Dulzura and Miguel healing and becoming best friends, but the way I thought about it, Dulzura was on some kind of birth control when her Peter was alive. After his death, though, it was all so dark for her, she stopped using it.

Very soon we'll actually go back to those days in which Dulzura will recall the events after Peter’s death, like his funeral and how Harry disappeared right after it. I hope to convey even more than I have how low her spirits and mentality were that in her deep grief and guilt, continuing her birth control was the last thing on her mind, so ever since then, she’s been off it.

There’s also her not being ready to be in a relationship, which influences her need for it. There’s been a few times throughout the story that she retouches on this and realizes that she’s not ready, but in the future she’s open to it as mentioned in the beach chapter. She’s going to start worrying about birth control until there’s a reason to and that will be when there’s a relationship/romance beginning. Otherwise, I don’t see Dulzura worrying about it because she’s not (in my head) the kind of person to have casual sex, which I’m not saying is bad (before anyone thinks I’m looking down on it), but it’s just the way I see Dulzura. She’s the kind to date to marry, or at least, the kind that seeks a serious, stable, and meaningful relationship before thinking about engaging in physical intimacy. Also, I know birth control is used for other reasons beyond sex, but this doesn’t apply to Dulzura since she has regular periods with average symptoms, hence why she doesn’t have the need for it.

So yeah, no birth control for Dulzura right now, but in the future she will be using some form of it!

As to Miguel, he'll be 100% aware and worried of the effects hormonal birth control could have on Dulzura’s body and due to that, be reluctant about these types of birth control. Honestly? This would still apply regardless of his background, knowledge, and interest in science and genetics because he’s educated and cares so much about her (I feel the same way about canon Miguel/ATSV Miguel. You can’t tell me he wouldn’t be the kind of man who cares about his partner’s health, period).

Since we have the multiverse at play here, though, this opens up options regarding birth control. As you’ve stated, it’s been mentioned in the story that meds, including birth control, vary across universes. I genuinely believe that Miguel's dimension is far better in the medical field, so birth control must be so much better than what we have. It may be similar to there being pills, patches, injections, etc, but I imagine that they’re more efficient and far more safer for those using it directly with minor effects, if any!

I don't know that I'll try to come up with new methods for the fic, unless something comes to me, but one thing that may be considered ‘new’ will be to make some of the different types already in existence not only safer but also inclusive, so make it possible to use for those who can impregnate as well (sorry for the weird way I may be wording this, I'm trying to be inclusive and respectful of everyone's pronouns and identities, and it's the best way I can word it right now ((:).

So yeah, I'll discuss that more in the near future, but Miguel will definitely worry about the effects on Dulzura and because of that, once this topic comes up, Miguel will be 100% respectful and mindful, and bring up the options in his dimension since in my head, Dulzura’s dimension is like ours, therefore her birth control options could be harmful — something Miguel will be aware of because he's such a nerd, I see him already knowing this information lol.

Also, if I were to make birth control inclusive (I may go for it ☺️), just know Miguel would definitely volunteer to use it himself so Dulzura doesn't have to. 🥺 I hope this answers your questions and satisfies your curiosity, pookie!

And about Part 23 for NC, thank you so much for expressing patience! It really means a lot to me that you guys are still interested in reading my fic despite my long breaks in between chapters and it being almost two years since this story started, and that you're all so patient with and understanding of me. I appreciate it so much! Right now, I'm looking at May 2nd as the update day, if all goes well!

Also, my goodness, your last paragraph made my heart so happy!! 😭 💖💕Reading you say that you miss them makes me so happy because I've missed them, too. I've been writing already, but that was the longest I had gone not writing about them — 3 months and a half — and I missed them so much. I don't know if it's weird, but I genuinely find comfort writing this story, so I'm touched that it gives you comfort, too. Genuinely, I hope it continues to do so until the very end, so I hope not to disappoint!

I'm so, so grateful that you find NC comforting and beautiful, and that you hold NC with such kind, sweet, and high regard — so much it lives in your heart rent-free. That's SO sweet of you! To think that words I put together live in your heart rent-free… I’m gonna cry! 🥹💕

Thank you so much, truly, your words made my month when I read your ask, pookie! I’m doing good, too, thank you for asking and for sending love! I hope you’re doing well, too, and I’m sending you lots of love back! Pls take care, too, and have a great week! 💖💕🫶🏼🫂

Alondra❤️

P.S. Sorry for the yapping! 😭

[tyetknot]

I thought you were joking when you said that the Farrar's books were outdated but holy shittt, even for 1970s wicca/witchcraft those guys were like full gender heterosexual white magic ye harm none thing, I was also seeing their interview were christian kids interview them, and boy it is hard to watch, but on to my question kskk, do you know if they changed later down?,like Janet seems to be okay sometimes,I can't find anything of them on their "controversial views" except their later polyamorous relationship (wich come to think of it I would love to hear their gender rationale on that), and also, how do you personally (if you do so) reconcile this type of author?, like there is no doubt that they are important in craft history, but now they kinda do more harm than good.

Hi Anon! I'm sorry if you've been waiting for a bit, you know how Tumblr is.

So one thing it's important to remember is: back in the 1970s and 80s a religion where women run the show was very progressive. Feminism got bolted onto Wicca pretty quickly once it hit the American West Coast and Starhawk wrote The Spiral Dance. Things like worshipping a goddess who didn't need a man around to tell her what to do were really unusual for the time. All this hippie-dippy shit like being naked in your rituals and such was far out, man, not like those totally square and boring Christians.

The problem is that, like many older people who were once cool and progressive, they just kind of stopped where they were in the 70s and 80s and didn't really......well, progress past that point. This leads to things like statements like that one in A Witches' Bible where they think that actually gay people are perfectly OK in ritual (this was a bit of a controversial point at the time) as long as they act like their biological gender, which is hilarious to us in 2024 because they obviously conflate being gay with being trans in some bizarre fashion. This was progressive for the time. It comes across as incredibly ignorant today. And of course, if their ideas did change, well, the book is already out there, people are reading it, and you can't go back in time and change something that's already been published. You can add notes or amendments to further editions, but I don't believe they ever did that, and Stewart Farrar died in the early aughts.

I find the polyamory thing to be pretty cringe, NGL, because I am a judgmental and suspicious piece of shit and think that an awful lot of the time polyamory is a tool used to make younger women sexually available to older men - good Lord, the age difference between Stewart and Janet - and that's very distasteful.

In my opinion the Farrars are probably the stodgiest and most conservatively-written books you'll find from that time period, and they're a good example of what coven-based Alexandrian Wicca looked like at that time, but there were a lot of more relaxed writers out there at the time and LOTS more a few years later. My primary complaint with A Witches' Bible is rather specifically that asinine Oak King / Holly King thing which they made up entirely and then ineptly shoehorned into the Wheel of the Year, where it just doesn't fucking work, and then everyone else just kind of went with it. No! It sucks and is bad, don't do it!

Do I think they do more harm than good? No, I don't. I think that anyone fairly new to Wicca shouldn't read this book first thing out the gate because it sets a lot of very unrealistic expectations, and because it's pretty old - Eight Sabbats for Witches was published in 1981, which makes it a few years older than me, and The Witches' Way in 1984, which makes it a year younger than me, and TBH there's much newer and fresher material being published every year. I would much sooner recommend someone like Thorn Mooney to new person interested in traditional Wicca.

[sarcasmandships]

AHHH YOU HAVE TUMBLR OMG now I can leave you overly enthusiastic comments in MORE places Everyone should read Will Solace and the Socialites of Olympus University it should be required actually!!!

Anyway I'm here to ask HOW DO YOU DO IT?? How do you write so well?? I'm taking notes for my own fics...

Honestly, I take a lot of inspiration from other things I’ve read, to be fair. I actually mentioned this in a recent author’s note, but The Secret History by Donna Tartt was a huge influence—if you haven’t read it, I seriously recommend it. I’m completely in love with her writing style. I won’t spoil anything, but there’s this whole arc that focuses on the brutality of a Vermont winter, and that really shaped how I approached weather and setting in the first chapter of Codex Solace. That whole cold, isolating atmosphere? Straight out of Tartt’s playbook.

I’ve also read some incredible fics that have massively influenced my writing. SnitchesAndTalkers is one of my absolute favourite authors on AO3—they mostly write AUs, so even if you’re not in the fandom, their stuff is still brilliant. The way they build character voice and tension? Unreal. I feel like reading really good fic is how I taught myself what kind of emotional beats and pacing actually work, and I owe a lot to the fic community for helping me grow as a writer.

Also—just to sound like I’m bigging myself up (but only slightly)—I was always really into English at school. I did Advanced Higher (which is the highest level you can take before uni here), and even though I ended up doing psych degrees, I still took a literature elective at uni just because I missed that kind of analysis. That’s where I started to really understand the literary techniques I gravitate towards. I’m obsessed with pathetic fallacy—give me a thunderstorm that reflects emotional turmoil and I will eat it up—and I love the idea of writing New York City almost as a sentient character in the story.

Also… I definitely have my “favourite words.” Re-read any fic of mine and take a drink every time I say reverence and you’ll end up in A&E. I think because I know my writing patterns so well, I get hyper-aware of them—so when I re-read my own chapters, all I can see is repetition. Like, I’ll realise I said the same thing two slightly different ways and just… didn’t pick one.

It’s definitely not all polished. I struggle with pacing a lot, which is why I’m physically incapable of writing anything other than a slow burn. Every time I try to be efficient, it turns into 25k of longing. I also tend to overwrite scenes and then go back and realise I’ve described the same emotion six times using slightly different metaphors, like I’m trying to win a poetry slam.

I’m also super detail-oriented when it comes to research. I wanted the academic stuff to feel grounded, so I was in the trenches googling engineering courses and organic chemistry despite the fact that I genuinely don’t know the six times table. I’m a words girl. Numbers? Couldn’t be me. And then for the Italian stuff, I researched the hell out of which words shared roots with Spanish—even though I barely speak either. I speak English and bad French, and I can fluently tell a waiter in Spanish that I’m allergic to shellfish, which is the important stuff, really.

Anyway, I’ve totally gone off on one and given you way more info than you probably asked for, but these are the main things I do to try and make my fics good. And honestly? The biggest motivator is just asking myself: what is going to cause the readers the most pain and suffering? And then doing exactly that.

Thank you so much for your message—and for all your comments on AO3. They genuinely mean more to me than I could ever say. I absolutely have to read Binary Stars! I’ve seen such good things about it. I just tend not to read other fics too much while I’m actively writing because I get so obsessed and start mentally writing fanfic for the fanfic, which… is a bit of a spiral. But once I’m finished with Socialites, I’m 100% diving in. We AO3 writers have to stick together—it’s the trenches out here sometimes!