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#also just generally wanted to update. sometimes i don't individually give a heads up if i am beat or i am wanting to keep the notification
cursedfortune · 1 year
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promise i’m not ignoring anyone!! had a long day and running on very little sleep. social energy is lower so i’m just vibing with some creative stuff that comes easy.
things should be more free for me to circle back to once i get some stuff done in the morning. fgdfhghj
also anyone worried i may have missed out or skipped them in my whole rampage to see what threads are being kept/tossed/paused and talking with new peeps on starting stuff: i’ve gotten through most of my list (which is really just the list of threads i keep, people i’m talking to as a reminder to reply and then me going through my followers list to reach out) so chances are you’re in the last chunk i’m getting to. if for some reason i still haven’t gotten to you or you’re worried still, you can just tap me. i’m trying to be considerate in catching up so if anyone feels not gotten to, just tell me!!
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cinamun · 7 months
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Hey fren! I have a ton of questions. Lmk if I’m being too intrusive or nosey lol.
I love your story, I always have to give you your flowers when I write you!! All hail the Queen 🙌🏾🙌🏾💐💐💐
Ok my questions:
For starting out posting and editing, do you keep a schedule for yourself to stay organized? Rn I’m finally posting on my simblr after 3 years but I find myself just constantly taking screenies instead of posting and organizing the story. It feels chaotic lol the only organizing I’ve done just for game play in general is shopping for CC every other day (it’s an addiction)
A question I wanted to ask for a while is, if you are commissioning someone for poses what are the average prices you pay (or better yet, what do you think a good price is to pay for pose commission)? Sometimes I have these perfect poses in my head and when I’ve searched for hours I normally just end up giving up.
Lastly, I noticed your post from yesterday said you had 25 photos loaded in photoshop. Do you have all the art board (or images) side by side to edit them consistently and simultaneously?
Thank you if you answer!!
Good morning bestie!! Let me just go on ahead and adjust this crown right quick lol THANK YOU and I got you!
I'm chaotic and impulsive but I have a little bit of a routine. Follow me under the cut!
Okay, SO!! For the first question about posting and editing.... I usually have an idea for the next scene while working on the previous one. So when I go in-game for story updates, the idea is already there and I'm just setting up shots and making the scenes look good. I don't have a schedule other than my posting schedule, so when you mention last night, I was editing pics that I had taken earlier in the day or the day before. So my schedule is usually sitting in photoshop all night the day before I post.
For pose commissions, I've only done that twice. I've had real good luck over the years finding poses or animations for anything I've needed. I would say make an offer to donate to them if you know their shit is dope and move anywhere between $5 to $10 USD. For the poses I commissioned, they weren't released publically so that's extra special (tip them more!). Also keep in mind if you're asking for accessories to be used, how many sims are in the pose, etc. For pose searching, try to be as vague as you can. "ts4 cleaning poses" and then see what comes up is one example and don't shy away from animations! They work with pose player, most without WW and can make for some great screenshots.
I load up all the pictures in Photoshop plus whatever templates I'm using (like the texting one or the dust overlays), and edit in order of sequence. This is where all the dialogue happens so sometimes I edit out of order if I know the dialogue for one scene already and maybe not the others. I hope i'm making sense lol. I spend a lot of time on this part because the words might change given which picture I've decided on (some scenes I take multiple screenshots of and multiple angles and then decide later which one to use). I go pic by pic, doing editing and adding dialogue individually then saving them, closing them and moving on to the next one. Once I'm completely done then I flip through them a few times as if I were the reader to try and catch any typos, etc.
This got really long but let me know if that helps or if I can elaborate more!!
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milkcolle · 2 months
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pluralasking's 100 questions!!!!!! wow!!!!!!! I was bored at work lol answers under the cut
1. What is your System name and / or the name you collectively go by?
we're the milky way collective! shortened to milkcolle, but we're all fine getting referred to as seven. technicallyyyy that's nara's internet persona name, but we've all basically gotten used to it being used. so we're all fine with it!
2. Which word do you prefer to use for your System? (example: System, Collective, Constellation, ...)
we're a collective! we're fine with being called a system, since we are, but we use collective in our system name because at first we were really afraid to call ourselves a system or even plural! avoiding the term system in general made it easier for us while we figured things out and realized no, we aren't actually stealing a term not for us.
3. What are your Systems origins, if you choose to label them?
traumagenic did!
4. Do you have any Subsystems?
no idea, but we do have a lot of "groups".
5. Do you have any Sidesystems?
once again, not sure!
6. What is your opinion on you& / your& language and similar types?
im honestly not super familiar but like do what you want? lol. not for us though. just say "you guys" or something.
7. What methodes do you use to keep track of your System and it's Members?
mostly simplyplural at this point! plurali we use to share our list with our singlet friends. we had a neocities at one point but it started getting hard to update with every change. we also used to use pinterest? but then we had a lot of fusions and its likeeee cleaning it up is gonna be a huge task so we stopped using it.
8. What is your Systems ways of communication?
we usually can communicate pretty fine in the head! we don't really have an internal world though so a lot of it is just "I know this now that I'm fronting" or "we can talk but only when we're cocon".
9. Is communication hard or easy for you (and why is it the way it is)?
I mean I hear other systems can talk in their internal world? or have things happen when they're not fronting? so like. hard in comparison to that. sometimes we also get walled off. like now! we're recovering at the moment though so things should get better for our communication soon.
10. Do you view yourselves as parts of one person or as multiple people in one body?
we're individual people! we tend to think of all systems like this unless explicitly told not to.
11. Who are you out to as plural?
just online really! irl we could never talk about this kind of thing.
12. What languages do you collectively / one of you speak?
i meannnn we're only fluent in english. we have been learning japanese but we keep getting sidetracked now that we're not in traditional school learning it and have to self study. we can read hiragana and katakana and Some kanji. we really need to brush up on it though lollll someone yell at us to take out our genki book again
13. What is something you can't seem to collectively agree on?
aesthetic. most of us are into alt fashion but in different ways, and then there's the people who are like super normal and don't really give a fuck about how we present. ouji fashion vs sweatpants and a tshirt vibes lol
14. If you have a collective Identity (such as Gender or Orientation), what is it?
we're a gay gnc trans man collectively!
15. Do you collectively identify as queer / LGBTQIA+?
yes! nobody in our system is cishet anyway
16. Do you collectively identify as Otherkin, Alterhuman or Nonhuman?
yes! the line between kin and fictive is hard for us to identify, so we mainly just identify as fictionkin. if people aren't open to that kind of thing, we do also refer to ourselves as multifictives to help people understand better. a lot of us also consider themselves to be nonhuman otherkin, with many of us heavily identifying as related to the divine or the undead.
17. Do you have a collective rentry / carrd / something along those lines? (feel free to share!)
no, but our plurali is here!
18. What does switching feel like for you?
when we're not in a bad headspace, there's like a pressure in our head and we sort of lose focus for a bit before someone else hops in. if we're in a bad headspace, it's more like someone will lose their hold on front and we end up blurry, sometimes rapid switching for a while until someone can get back up to a solid front again.
19. Are you Monoconscious, Polyconscious or something else?
honestly I don't fully get this but I guess poly? we're all individual people. though we do have a lot of common knowledge and don't black out amnesia most of the time when we're mentally ok.
20. What does fronting feel like for you?
hi this is aira! sometimes there's a fog and I feel a little lightheaded, but normally it just feels like. existing? im just a guy.
21. How many System members do you have?
at the moment of typing: 35? maybe? again we're in a very weird mental situation and have made some changes but we're not sure how much is the dissociation making us think someone new split or if someone new actually split. because mistakes happen! often, actually! that's dissociation for you lol
22. Which word / words do you prefer to use for members of your System?
alters and headmates!
23. Which age group seems to be the most common in your System?
mostly adults in their 20s. and I mean. bodily we're 25, so
24. Which gender seems to be the most common in your System?
most of us are masc, either binary men or nonbinary men.
25. Are there any talents / hobbies you picked up because of a Member?
i got us back into watching anime, though I really like shoujo and the others aren't super into it? meanwhile nara got me and lambda into jfashion (mainly jirai). also dromi is the main reason we play genshin, even though we started playing for maki lol
26. Do you have any in-system relationships?
i think nara and lucio are still /r???????? and there's also maybe something going on with nara and evie but who knows. but most of our relationships are familial! we have a lot of siblings and siblinglikes in here.
27. Do you label roles within your System (and if yes, which ones?)
roles are very fluid! so we don't! plus not everyone has a role, and we don't like the idea that there has to be some larger meaning for someone in our system to exist.
28. Are most of your Members introjected, brainmade or something else?
again, complicated! we rely on fictional identities to have a sense of self. we're like a bunch of fictional characters stitched together. but aren't singlets like that with the people they've met throughout their lives too?
29. Do you use names, emojis or something similar to sign off messages (and if yes, which ones and why?)
emojis! if you look back in our system tag (🌌) you'll be able to find our explanation.
30. Do any of your System members use Xenogenders?
I think ben like? identifies more as a computer bug than any gender.
31. How do Members pick face claims?
usually it's kin stuff honestly. except for io. they're not kin from hsr (probably. we haven't actually started to play yet), they just kind of look like that. one day I knowwww it's gonna confuse someone.
32. Do you have any Introjects of popular sources?
I mean it depends what you consider popular? but like we have danganronpa, nintendo, genshin, etc characters if that means anything.
33. Do you have any Introjects of unpopular sources?
hellloooo to all of our idols and joseimuke characters. shuuen. and then ren is two different pitchloids that were only popular in like 2012.
34. Do you have nonhuman members?
yes but everyone is humanoid. so like. angels. ghosts. demons. etc.
35. Do any of you use Typing Quirks?
maki talks like a lolXDsorandom scene kid and uses kaomoji does that count
36. Do all of you front, or only a selected amount?
we all have fronted! not all of us are frequent fronters though. I'm probably like. top most frequent honestly. and then bottom is like. crow maybe. but that's because he's a bit more fragmented.
37. Are there any Members who can't or prefer to not speak?
waka (our little) struggles with speaking and talks mainly in the third person in kind of fragmented sentences, but that's kind of it?
38. Are most of you short or tall in height
don't talk down to us just because we're short kings lollllll
39. Is there a Member that is collectively loved by all in the System?
rey. 100000% rey. maki also because he's literally the best ever.
40. Do any of you struggle with being front-stuck a lot of the time?
sometimes? not enough for it to be a big issue though.
41. Do you have a Headspace (if not, is there a reason)?
no we have that thing where we have issues with visualization. if a number gets skipped, assume it was a headspace question that we can't answer
43. How do Members look like in Headspace? (example: Cartoony, Foggy, Realistic, ...)
sorry not sorry for being a bunch of anime characters?????
46. Do you remember what happened in Headspace when you switch into front?
yes and no? sometimes we'll have a general Feeling of something having happened or having talked about something. bleeding thoughts maybe? idk
51. Are there any "System Stereotypes" you fit into?
idk what any stereotypes are honestly but I feel like I always see people fakeclaim people for having introjects and specifically for having danganronpa and genshin introjects and it's like ooooooops dangankins and genshinkins in this head
52. Who of you would be considered the "evil alter"? (in a lighthearted, joking manner)
probably lucio honestly LOL or dromi because of the cannibalism support
53. What is your favourite inside-joke with a Member?
once ren said baller and he's not allowed to live it down
54. What is your favourite Plural meme?
nervous system when the confident system walks in (and it's like. hitsugi and shu enstars)
55. Is there any character that you headcanon as plural?
ame/k-angel is the first that comes to mind! also randal and satoru.
56. Is there any show or movie that you believe is a good plural representation, despite that not being its intention?
honestly jojo part 5 was kind of awesome. thanks for the plural rep!!! still think it's crazy how people on twitter baby doppio though like that's a grown ass man with a child. once again randal and satoru also read as plural to me and I love their writing a lot!
57. Is there any song that you believe decribes your plural experience?
ghost (vocaP) in general has a lot of songs that really speak to our mental illness. big fan of uncanny which is literally written about being plural.
58. What about an artwork that describes your plural experience?
honestly not sure! but I think it's always really nice seeing fanart of your source that really does feel like it represents you. like ill never forget how happy io was to see a single piece of fanart of iori with super long hair. because that's them!
59. Which Member of your System do you believe to be the prettiest of them all?
this is hard because I feel like if we said anyone but joshua he'd kill us but alsoooo if we said anyone but yoh they'd also kill us.
60. Do you collectively have a lucky number?
we like 3!
61. When did you first discover your System?
late 2019 was our full system awakening but we did realize and then immediately forget back in like. 2016? maybe?
62. How many Members did you know about during your Syscovery?
3? I think? nara maki and dell. though at the time im prettyyyy sure dell was dormant so it was just nara and maki for months.
63. Was accepting your Plurality a challenge for you?
very much! we were sure we were faking it and lying and stealing terms that weren't for us.
64. How did you learn about Plurality?
we had plural friends growing up!
65. Where there any signs of your Plurality, if you look back at your past?
us and our imaginary friends (all of which were alters) against the world
66. Do you think your Syscovery changed a lot in your life?
100%! I feel like for as bad as things get sometimes, we're functioning a lot better in certain aspects of our life. plus, it's nice to know we're not alone! sometimes we do wish we never found out, mainly socially, but having people who accept us is really nice.
67. If you're out to others plural, have they ever told you later on that they already thought about it before you realised?
yes lol
68. What was the biggest struggle during your Syscovery?
one of the main reasons we dislike sys/course is because it held us back from realizing we were a system. fakeclaimers were scary as fuck and we were convinced we were subconsciously faking. I know nara and maki struggled a lot with questioning if the other was real or just a delusion because we did struggle with those often before our current meds.
69. Was there any big event that led to your Syscovery?
not really? mainly nara kept looking at his imaginary friend in adulthood maki and was like. ok something is up here. and then we realized.
70. What is something you want questioning plurals to know?
it's ok to be wrong! you're not a bad person for questioning your plurality and ending up not being plural/having a different disorder. you weren't tricking anyone. so long as you respect the community, and don't go on to start fakeclaiming others, you're fine!
71. Are you Neurodivergent (and if yes, how?)
we are autistic! we might have adhd also but we don't want to say anything definitively
72. Do you have any physical disability?
we don't that we know of!
73. Do you have a dissociative disorder?
yes, DID.
74. Do you have any other disorder?
not going to reveal everything in one place but bpd and ocd are probably the disorders we struggle with the most.
75. Do symptom vary in intensity depending on the fronter?
yes! mainly bpd. some people it's all consuming, other people don't really get impacted as much.
76. Do you think your disability / disorder has an influence on your plurality?
probably! we've split a lot because of our symptoms.
77. Do you have amnesia of any kind?
mostly emotional amnesia. sometimes blackout amnesia, but usually just during very stressful periods.
78. Are there Members who deal better with symptoms than others?
mentioned earlier but yeah, especially with bpd.
79. Do your disorders / disabilities influence communication or switching within your System in any way?
when we're deep in an episode, any kind of episode, it's pretty much impossible for us to communicate. lots of walls.
80. Does being plural help with your disorders in any way? (example: another Member switching in to take care of the body during difficult times, ...)
it's helpful to be able to get different points of view from different members. writing down opinions on our problems is really helpful.
81. Which is your favourite plural flag?
i've only seen the white yellow black one tbh
82. If you have one, which is your favourite plurality related tumblr blog?
can I say fkf. we've been a regular for years and fictives are more than welcome.
83. What is a fun fact about your System?
ohhhh this is hard. king has umanoprincesama (the japanese title of the my horse prince app) as his twitter handle. he hardly uses it anymore though.
84. What is a flavour of ice cream that describes you collectively?
maki says birthday cake. he won't explain why lol
85. Which pride flag is the prettiest, in your collective opinion?
i know we like the wlw and mlm flags! we like the flowers.
86. If you collectively had to choose between being a sweet or a sour candy, which do you pick?
probably sweet? we love sugar.
87. Your body always morphs into what the current fronter(s) look like, would you want this power or not?
absolutely oh my god. though we are working on making a collective singlet sona
88. Is there a Hatsune Miku in your System?
...kind of? she uses miku as a faceclaim.
89. Who has been in your System the longest (if you can remember)?
we aren't sure! our candidates are like. maki dromi and waka.
90. If you collectively had to choose, would you rather only eat sweet foods or only eat savoury foods for the rest of your life?
ohhhh this is hard. I think savory but I know we'd be missing dessert hard. but we can't live without gyudon.
91. If you collectively had to choose, would you pick to become a vampire or a werewolf?
we're split on this. I think we lean more vampire though.
92. Your body is transfered into one of your Members sources, which do you pick and why?
pokemon obviously lol
93. If all of you turned into animals right this second, which animals would we find in your System?
too many of us for me to assign fursonas to everyone but like. birds. cats. bunnies. that kinda vibe?
94. What would a Minecraft server with all d your Members look like? (example: chaotic, peaceful, laggy, ...)
we haven't played minecraft much actually so I couldn't tell you! when I played I personally just liked building. but I know that a lot of people in our system would absolutely sabotage shit lol
96. What topic would you collectively make a youtube channel about? (it can't be plurality!)
hmmmm we aren't as into them anymore because of the fandom but mobile gacha games probably! i personally love idol games forever thanks
97. Which superpower would your body obtain, if you had to collectively decide on one?
shapeshifting!!!!!!
98. Who would pick the coolest tattoo for the System and who would pick the worst?
king would pick the worst everyone else feels passable except maybe nicola but king would get something dumb as fuck tattooed just because it's funny
99. If you only were allowed to eat one food for the rest of your life, but you would have to decide on the food collectively, what would it be and what would the decision making look like?
gyudon. like. I don't think that's even a question. we collectively fucking love gyudon.
100. What is the most fun about doing polls and answering questions, in your opinion?
we like getting to communicate more and express ourselves as plural! it's nice. we get scared to express ourselves on a lot of other websites so it's cool to be ourselves here and talk about ourselves openly
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chihirolovebot · 2 years
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!!!NEW CHAPTER I'M SQUEALING LIKE STEAM POPPING OUT OF A TEAPOT!!
Gosh I love your writing so much, it's always so well worth the wait <3 your imagery is second to none I stg,
"You were full of stones drifting down to the riverbed, watching the shimmering surface recede before you, powerless to stop it."
Like -- ugh, I literally can't conjure up the right way to describe that reading your work doesn't really feel like reading at all with how submersive it is. As always, your characterization is straight from the game canon. The way you subtly show Miu's struggle as the weight of what she's about to do is starting to crush her is just so delicious, I'm sick and clutching my chest. I was reading Kiibo's and MC's argument and literally thinking about how it so easily parallels Kokichi's relationship to the MC in terms of trust and keeping secrets. It's oddly satisfying in the most angsty of ways seeing the MC on the opposite side of that coin now, y'know? Now THEY are the one doing questionable things to protect that sweet, innocent-eyed individual they call a friend, one that undoubtedly deserves their trust and is begging for them to do so. Corruption arc for the reader??? A little hint of one anyway??? Their loyalty to those they care about is getting ground up into both a virtue and a flaw because of the circumstances and I am EATING it up. Also, them wanting to try to stop Miu in their own way but struggling to do so with just conversation?? I love them so much it hurts :((((((
And and and, knowing how this case originally goes, I saw that; I saw that tiny, eensy weensy little detail you changed, my hand went to cover my mouth and my mind is now BURNING with curiosity as to how these next couple updates are gonna go. I'm on the edge of my seat, leaning so far forward that I might fall off even.
I don't remember if I mentioned it last time, but I absolutely LOVE the overhaul of Tenko's character. She was one of my least favorites when playing V3 originally, mostly because I was really upset with how they executed their (kinda) first openly lesbian character, twisting her potential into some lesbophobic caricature that's creepily obsessed with fetishizing Himiko. But oh, how you've kept her close enough of the original to keep her feeling like the same character, but managed to save her potential, fleshing out her character, combined with her design update just gives me life; yours is now the canon Tenko and I will NOT be taking criticism or hearing otherwise~~
The moment between Kokichi and the reader right before they started to put on the helmets?? Faints. I literally can't say enough how you have absolutely NAILED this relationship and his character in general. Sometimes reading Kokichi fics, people make it all about the lying thing, but they don't really ever go into the depth of WHY he lies so much or the other aspects of his character, like his distrust in other people and his seeming lack of attachment or reliance on them, his hatred of killing and the desire to protect people in his own way going hand in hand. Sobs and shakes his stupid little purple head. He is such an excellent morally grey character, and you execute every scene with him perfectly. Also, you can tell his walls are STARTING to come down the reader now that he's let them in, his touches getting a tad more affectionate, it somehow feels like there's more weight behind his silly little flirtatious quips now-- my heart races with the MC at the smallest things like him holding their hand
I am so excited to see if the reader can manage to get under his skin enough in time to save him before these flaws of his lead to his downfall, or if Kokichi's influence leads to an even stronger corruption of the MC's character as they try to help him and get them both killed in the process, or I could even see the reader eventually sacrificing themselves for him and opening up his eyes in the worst way possible what his actions have led to. No matter what, I'm going to love every moment of it~
You've created such a wonderful story here Vee, I still remember stumbling across it and clicking on the title in curiosity, and now you've got me and countless others in a chokehold with every update. I know you've fallen on seriously tough times recently, because of course, life just does that to you sometimes, and even though you're doing better for now... you've got a village, a lil community behind you, and we all love you and are here for you if you need anything~ Please take as much time as you need between updates, and pls pls take care of yourself -wraps you in a blankie and pets your head and makes you cocoa or tea or whatever you want- you deserve it, I'm probably gonna wind up rereading the newest chapt again tonight to catch the other little things I might have missed~ and I know I've said it already, but taking care of yourself also means you never have to reply to my literal essays born from love and brainrot for this fic, I have WAY too much to say as it is haha, and I know it can be emotionally exhausting trying to come up with responses sometimes (*˘︶˘*).。*♡
Thank you for another amazing chapter, I'm biting my hand eagerly waiting to see what comes next. Take care and have a good weekend~~!!
LOVE OKAY hi. HI. i did want to respond 2 this earlier but i got sick very shortly after (covid rip) and now i feel ok enough to look at a screen i am finally getting around to it (i know u think i do not have to respond but i simply do) !
first of all. thank u so much as always!!! my brain literally short circuits when i see these comments/asks like u do not know how insane ur making me /pos.
the mc stuff these last few and future chapters make me feel so Evil.... like yes maybe they do go a little insane and degenerate. and ofc ur spot on with the parallels of mc/kiibo with kokichi/mc n im happy that was obvious bc i was kinda stressing abt it when i was writing it hehe i was like 'uhghghg how to show that the nature of the killing game intentionally warps the actions of a well-meaning person trying to protect those they care about which only ends in their classmates fearing and distrusting them hhhdhdhshsjhsdh pulls out my own hair.' as for the corruption arc.... hm. Hm. also this 'Their loyalty to those they care about is getting ground up into both a virtue and a flaw because of the circumstances' HELLO??? this is a gorgeous way to describe it im literally staring . lurking n stalking over this. and that's just it!!! loyalty is an osentibly good trait to have but during a killing game where the only way to help ur classmates is to make them distrust u.... god. it's a flaw in the sense that it makes mc's friends doubt and grow frustrated with them, but of course it's a virtue in that mc IS doing all they're doing for them!!! pain and agony.
also the miu stuff was very fun to write. i love miu, she's probably myyyy fourth favourite? from v3? gonna say cautiously bc my rankings change all the time but she's definitely up there, moreso for the potential she could've had in the main game. it always burned me that the only depth she ever really got was like. AFTER her death? and told through the grapevine no less. there's such an interesting parallel in her character to kokichi and it sucks it wasn't explored more i think. i hope i made her a little more of a Person in this fic even if i didn't focus on her as much as the others.
tenko. oh tenko. talk abt characters with a ton of potential that got done SO Dirty by the source matieral. it was all right there ! and they just made her into a predatory lesbian and killed her at the peak of her character development as they love to do (sideyes hiyoko and taka). yeah i definitely consciously took out all the lines that made her look like a weirdo. i think her openly liking himiko a lot would be enough to make someone like himiko uncomfortable WITHOUT tenko being weirdly predatory and fetishing her so. that's what i did. new tenko is just openly admirative of himiko which still makes her uncomfy but for like. better reasons i guess. and now they get a chance to actually DEVELOP their relationship instead of another bury ur gays ur whatever.
GODDDD kokichi breaks my heart man. and ur so right that a lot of fics that write him don't delve into the 'why' of his character. every line i write for him i think to myself, okay, what is he ACTUALLY feeling right now? would it make sense for him to say this, does it align with his end-goal, is it ooc for him to reveal this much? PLUS having to keep in mind all the tactics he uses in general conversation, like poking people in the right direction for answers without straight up telling them, or saying something absurd or flustering them to change the topic or divert someone's attention away from something. basically behind every line of dialogue he says u gotta be thinking in terms of the bigger picture, when u don't so much for the rest of the characters. im sure thats also something u get, writing for nagito!! bc he's also a super complex character with a lot of weight behind all his lines. definitely feels like a guy who everything he says tells u a little bit about him if ur looking closely!!
last part of this made me a lil emotional uh oh. thank u so much love, i appreciate it so so much. btw i LOVE replying to these n the longer and more nonsensical the better /gen thank u thank u thank u again (ps i saw the final piece had updated yesterday but i havent gotten around to reading it yet!! im planning on setting some time aside this evening so get ready for another stupid novel comment ehehe)
pls take care of urself!! i hope ur having a good day <333
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avasghost · 3 years
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When We Drown Update #2
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[image description: a pale blue photo of a rocky cliff, and a boy at the edge in the distance, standing on a pile of rocks and looking down. in white serif font in the centre, reads “when we drown: update two” / end id]
wip intro here. first writing update here. 
DISCLAIMER: this is my original work, please do not plagiarize in any way.
hi everyone! it’s been a while since i did a writing update (time is fast) and i’ve written quite a lot! up until about a week ago i was in a really, really bad writing slump (which lasted like,,, four months) and so that’s why there hasn’t been a crane anatomy update for a ages because (: i haven’t been writing it (:
i don’t know if i mentioned this in the first update, but this book is now non-linear which has been an ~adventure! the non-linear plotline is kind of freeing because i can just pick a scene i want to write from any time in april’s life and just ... write it? i don’t have to follow the years chronologically. i try to create some kind of causal thread between the scenes but i don’t know how well that’s working out lmao. since WWD follows an entire life story with the protagonist looking back on it and remembering her life, i try to make her memory of one event trigger the memory of the next event, and usually they’re linked by either emotion or information.
current word count: 13,228
so when we drown is officially longer than crane anatomy now, despite being the side project! fun.
anyway lets get into the chapters because i have nothing else to say. tw for death, and other trigger warnings are before the individual chapters!
excerpts under the cut.
chapter 5: faces
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[image description: a birds eye view of a forest of snowy pine trees. above the trees in black serif font reads “chapter 5: faces” / end id]
this is a very short chapter (a page and a half) which is a flash forward to when april and elena live together in a cabin in the woods sometime in their late forties. elena is asleep in an armchair and april stokes the fireplace, and then goes outside and sees elias’s ghost and then it dissapears (tbh,,, i think a lot of the chapters will be like this oops) this is the second ghost sighting in the book, but at the point when april is 48 it’s almost a regular occurrence! i might end up moving it to later in the book eventually, since i might want the ghost sightings to be in linear order if nothing else is, to keep the main thread of the book in order.
I closed the door of the woodstove, and glanced over my shoulder to see if Elena had been woken by the clanging of metal. She stirred slightly, a familiar face in her nightmare, an unfamiliar face in a familiar dream. Two fingers clenched against the armrest, then became limp again. Half of me wanted her to wake up, to see me, to speak to me, to see the fire bouncing in the grate and be happy for warmth. But again, she needed rest. She needed to be alone for a while, even if that was just in her head. She’d seen her fair share of fire.
also its snowing in november and its british columbia and i know this is unrealistic but! aesthetics are more important than logic we all know that.
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[image description: blurry pine trees and a light snow falling in front of them, with a ridge of snow along the bottom. white serif text in the centre reads “The snow-tipped pines that cupped the cabin sagged under the weight of unexpected snowfall. Their fallen needles jotted the snow. The sky was white, spotless, like an expanse of faraway ocean or the inside of a crystal ball.” / end id]
The snow-tipped pines that cupped the cabin sagged under the weight of unexpected snowfall. Their fallen needles jotted the snow. The sky was white, spotless, like an expanse of faraway ocean or the inside of a crystal ball. No birds flitted between the branches, no foxes slunk between the pines. All was still. All was white. I was alone.
and the ghost is seen then disappears as usual and april goes inside again.
You were gone by the time I reached the door again, by the time I stepped inside and Elena stirred in her armchair, by the time I had stepped out of my shoes and gone to stoke the fire again, which was already starting to dwindle.
i like having elias referred to as “you” because its like april is telling the story to him, but he’s not there, so she’s talking to herself, which is very in character for her to do.
chapter 6: the party
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[image description: a slope of pine trees with a grassy field at the bottom. mist shrouds the trees in the distance. a dirt path leads through the grass towards a cabin. in the top right corner, reads “chapter 6: the party” / end id]
chapter 6 follows the day before elena’s fifteenth birthday, and then her party the next day. this is a traumatic time for april because she decides she should mention her first elias sighting at the party. obviously people think she’s crazy and so you can guess how that turns out (aka april goes home and cries because she’s a soft bean)
elena has a cool tree in her backyard apparently!! this seems to be a running theme.
Dribbles of leftover sunlight sifted through the branches of the elm tree that ribbed the sky, its roots furrowing the lawn like varicose veins.
i will admit i didn’t finish this chapter and haven’t written most of the party scene yet so i will probably update on the rest of it in my next update (if i’ve written it by then which i probably won’t have but! we’ll see.)
chapter 7: sacred ground
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[image description: the ocean stretching into the distance, with small waves. a blurry girl with long brown hair stands in front of it, facing the water. in the middle in white serif font reads “chapter 7: sacred ground” / end id]
the aftermath of the first elias sighting, when april goes and tries to talk to elena about it. i actually don’t know if this or the party comes first and the non-linearness might be catching up to me oops but we’ll just pretend everything makes sense okay <3 
first she tries to decide who to talk to about it and her options are quite limited. she picks elena because she’ll probably take her seriously, and then goes to her house in a state of shock.
I considered my options. Elena: the calm one, either pretending to be wise or really wise. Magnolia: probably less stupid than she made herself out to be. My mother: still crying over a tragedy of five years ago and a tragedy of fifteen years ago and the tragedy of a lifetime wasted in crowded cult meetings and stark bedrooms, tears always falling, thoughts either always whirlwinding or too dead to pay attention to. I found myself winding up the jittery pathway to Elena’s house, or maybe it was me that was jittery. Maybe it was me, who made the world blurry like this. Maybe it was me who was seeing things, not those things drifting into my line of vision and then falling out of sight. The pearly birches jagged the edges of the valley, their leaves chartreuse in the wind-rustled sunlight.
and then elena rejects her plight and april returns to where she saw elias. turns out elena isn’t as accepting of april’s hallucinations as she was supposed to be! here’s a bit of dialogue i generated from that incorrect quote generator that seems fitting for this moment!
April: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Elena: April, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.
this IS april and this IS elena how does this generator know what my book is about!! anyway back to excerpts:
I ran back to where I had seen you, all slow wonderment vanished, and found the place where my old footsteps in the sand looped around. I knew you wouldn’t be there, I wasn’t surprised that you didn’t appear again, your face bobbing in a rice paper mist. I wasn’t surprised that Elena didn’t chase me out, eyes drained of tears, to apologize. And I wasn’t surprised that from that point forward, I thought of that place as sacred.
chapter 8: always falling
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[image description: a blurred black-and-white close-up image of water falling. white serif font in the center reads “always falling: chapter 8″ / end id]
tw: death, drowning, blood, fantasizing about drowning
eight-year-old april and magnolia visit a waterfall with magnolia’s parents. feat. april’s dog, august!
The waterfall coiled down the cliff face, cracking the surface of the river like a thousand strands of thunder. I could hardly hear Magnolia’s parents shouting something up ahead, their voices lost in the blare of water.
shortly after:
When I heard suspension bridge, I pictured one from old fairytales I read: wooden, burlap ropes for railings. A thirty percent chance of falling in. I was reassured by the stability, but August shivered at the way it jilted underfoot. He had never walked on ground that shifted under his feet, maybe it was an earthquake, maybe the ground was breaking in.
and here’s sweet eight-year-old April fantasizing about what it would be like to drown. If you think that’s foreshadowing no it isn’t 👁👁
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[image description: a slightly grainy photo, half water and half sky, both tinted turquoise. a hand lifts out of the water toward the sky. above the hand in white serif font, reads “What it would feel like to drown, water snagging in my lungs, sharp stones shattering my ribcage until the entire river turned to blood. Being sucked by the current until someone finally found my body, far from where I lost it.” / end id]
I stared over the edge, tried to pierce the thick buzz of mist that separated me from what would be the teeth of my fall. I imagined the bridge giving way, like it always did in the stories I read. One end breaking, the ropes snapping, the entire bridge swinging into the bottomless river. What it would feel like to drown, water snagging in my lungs, sharp stones shattering my ribcage until the entire river turned to blood. Being sucked by the current until someone finally found my body, far from where I lost it. Maybe it would be an old fisherman, hauling a girl in with the day’s catch, or his frail wife, who would faint on the spot at the sight of a dead child, bloodied and mangled and already tearing apart.
they cross the suspension bridge, and august unfortunately falls in! this is just a bit of april’s childhood trauma and i wish i didn’t have to cause her this pain but i do i’m sorry 😭
chapter 9: dead letters
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[image description: a close up sheet of paper with a few lines of cursive writing across it. a fountain pen lies across the page. in the bottom right hand corner, a black serif font reads “chapter 9: dead letters” / end id]
a very young april and elias get caught in a hailstorm then go inside and find letters from their father, who they never met because he still lives in the cult their mother escaped from the day april was born. their mother tries to hide the letters from them but! these children do not relent. 
We tracked through the colourful forest in autumn, our rubber boots tore trails through the scattered maple leaves. Pronged pinecones crackled under my heels as I chased you, threading between the trees.
I was eight, you were faster but I managed to keep up all the same. A haze of rain sizzled on my skin, but rain didn’t phase me back then. I didn’t mind the water droplets that pearled down my neck into the hem of my bright yellow rain jacket.
they escape from the hailstorm and find their mother in the kitchen making tea (rare!) 
When we tripped over the doorframe and found ourselves panting in the kitchen, the kettle wheezed and mother emerged from her bedroom to take it off. The scent of green tea wafted through the air as she poured it, steaming, into a ceramic teacup with a crack veining down the side.
april tries to take one of the letters but her mother stops her. later during the night, she and elias get out of bed and read the letters and it turns out their father left the cult as well, and wants to meet up with them. april wants to meet him, but elias is bitter about it and doesn’t really even consider him their father because he was never there for them. 
chapter 10: frostbite
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[image description: two pale hands reach towards the sky, in front of a blurry indigo background. in the top left corner, white serif font reads “chapter 10: frostbite” / end id]
tw: freezing to death
there are those weird times when their mom tells stories about her life. these incidents never end well but happen occasionally! she tells april about a time when her and a few other cult members were in the mountains and one of them froze to death. at this point april is around fifteen (which is where the main plot of the book is at right now)
She cut off there, blanched, stared out the window at the sun-speckled backyard, but I could fill in the rest of the details myself: skin a cold stone blue, frostbite jittering through the lungs and spine like a poison, eating everything slowly. Lying in the snow, letting the cold overcome them. Dead before morning. I wanted to ask if they buried the body, dug a grave of snow that would be melted by spring, or just left the corpse lying in the snow for someone else to find, or be eaten by a wolf pack, or to deteriorate, and haunt those lonely slopes forever.
afterwards, april goes outside (yes its snowing again 😭 as someone who dislikes snow i sure write about it a lot) 
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On those days, my desperation to leave the house rose to a high and I would slide into a pair of ragged sneakers and a cable-knit sweater and push out into the cold. Once vibrant green leaves now greyed with frost, a snowfall months early but not unwelcome. Striking before the trees had the chance to shed their leaves. Frost brittled the branches of the oaks so I could snap them without an effort, not that I wanted to snap them. The concrete of the road was spined with ice that made it look like the ground was caving in, icicles barbed the eaves of our house like jagged teeth. Sometimes I thumbed snow into my mouth like a child, hoping no one was watching a seventeen-year-old eat snow, and let it blot my tongue and dribble down my throat. The cold shock to my system helped clear my mind of whatever mother had been talking about, helped me cope with the pain I shouldn’t have been feeling in the first place.
aaannd that’s everything i’ve written so far! this has been the worst writing slump of my life and i’m not too happy with most of the stuff i’ve written lately, but hopefully that clears up so i can update y’all again soon!
- ava
wips taglist (ask to be added or removed!) @shaelinwrites​ @august-iswriting​ @wildswrites @nodeadnarrators @annlillyjose @shaonharryandpannisim @letsgetsquiggly @strangerays @mel-writes-with-her-dragons @dallonswords @teaandtypewriters @chewingthescenery​ @kahaaniyaa @coffeeandcalligraphy @47crayons​ @writing-is-a-martial-art​​
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blackuigryphonvr · 4 years
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#PokemonGo #Niantic #Wayfarer #NewPokeStop This is a totally new one that recently went through. I previously wouldn't submit these even tho the old Ingress rules were fine with Water Towers. But, they've been updating the system rules. The founder of the local Discord group suggested adamantly that I go for it, n since I'd had quite a bit of success last month, n he showed me the rules were updated, I went for it.
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This specific location was QUITE A LOT OF EFFORT! I generally shy away from some of the more dedicated hard work ones lately, because there's a gang of punks that just screw with me.... I also am starting to suspect they have beef w the head guy as well. He's very upstanding n likable as a person, very polite, Intelligent, authentic, principled, very fair, n kind. So, I have respect for the man. We're not buddies IRL but within the context of the game and inside his server, we're kool. But, that might be why some immature guys don't like him. People hate me for being nice also.
Anyways, I have a rapport w some of the players. But, outside of the game, we're not actually friends. It's just how the culture is here.
But, I'm very good at speculating n speculative analysis. Based on any given sets of patterns, I can extrapolate things like: cause, motive, profiling of individuals, triangulation, multiple alternative view points, origin, personality, and so on. I use: deduction, reductive logic, Ockham's razor, Socratic Method, inductive reasoning, and plausible concepts, as well as other methods for critical thinking skills.
When I speculate on a persistent pattern of events, especially pesky problems n setbacks, I look for the causes n common patterns. I try to find the most likely n simplistic answers, n look for proof or evidence to back it up... but, when I have missing pieces I have to work either backwards, or imaginatively... I try to scrutinize it n I generally tend to come to about 1-3 theories or hypothesis. Sometimes, it the stuff that's really odd, or crazy that I'm less likely to believe.... but, when something consistently repeats itself.... that's data. The more u have, the more u can build a case... n often times the odd stuff, the possible n plausible things that u think r nuts, start to become the more likely thing.... until BAM u have the evidence. Its one thing to find clues, n another to find a smoking gun.
So..... this is how I conclusively figured out who my list of suspects were, their motives, n results.... since I've pretty much confirmed who is who, n who did what.... I can also speculate that based on various evidence n data that I am leaning towards the idea that a group dislikes the head guy. That's unfortunate, because he's actually rather kind.
I am not sure whether they dislike me because I'm a woman, or I'm a unique person, or because I get along somewhat well w the head guy. But, I also actively encourage others.
(It just so happens that this NEW POKESTOP turned 1 of my other new PokeStops into a PokéGym! AND GUESS WHO WAS INSIDE IT? CONFIRMATION! SMOKING GUN! Ingress/Yellow Team CONFIRMED)
I also had suspected that a group that were screwing w us in our area were Ingress players.... Before, it was usually the Red team that was trouble makers, but they have mostly Mellowed out since September. But, since March I started to notice the Yellow team was acting strange..... this also started escalating in the summer, n various behaviors n things people said to me started to make me suspect something was up on the Yellow Team....
Well, I've pretty much confirmed ALL OF THIS recently! It IS INGRESS PLAYERS AND THEY HAVE POKÉMON GO ACCOUNTS ON THE YELLOW TEAM! I know EXACTLY who the TOP suspect is, n the cohorts.
So.... u can be sneaky n hide.... but like always, they let their guard down, n slip up.... but I'm always vigilant, or take notice of odd things even when I'm not trying....
So, I do know who u are!
Among some of the strangest stuff that happens to me are vehicles that follow me, or honk at me, or shine spotlights on me. As well as shout profanities at me.
Recently, random vehicles pull up to me n want me to get in their cars, especially women whom I don't know.
So, there's at least 3-5 different groups of peoples that have something against me. It's like layers of stuff to sort through...
Well, u like data? How's THIS data for ya?
If u THINK I'm predictable, know that I'm VERY capable adapting, altering my ways of doing things, n throwing u off. U, however, r not as bright as u thought... sure, I can be caught off guard... but, so can u.
I'm NOT A TOY for u to play with. I'm NOT A COMODITY. U can't make me do something I don't want to! U can't make me think anything I don't want to. U can't gaslight me n think it will work.
U can take a flying leap.
U can't stop me. I have more resolve than u. Hate, anger, jealousy, envy, n other negative motivations of bullies n haters cannot be prolonged... after a while, it will wear u out. U will give up.
I can read u even if I can't see u.
U will NEVER BE ME, n u will NEVER eclipse my record. I am THE GREATEST, n most accomplished at getting stuff on the map! I put in the effort! I put in the time! U will NEVER be able to beat that.
I do what I do for positive reasons. This was my dream! I saw it to fruition! I did it ALL ON FOOT! U r just car drivers.
All people in the community, even u, benefit from my hard work! I have the resolve to continue n persevere!
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sturlsons · 7 years
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do you have any content that you regularly keep up with? like fics/comics/shows/blogs? i want to start consuming more content and be more knowledgeable/wellread in general but i don't really know where to start :(
i saw this ask like an hour ago and promptly got distracted catching up on my youtube subscriptions so thank u for the reminder but apologies for the delay,,
LONG reply coming up, discussions of depression.
(if u’d rather skip my sob story just scroll down to the picture of the upset dude with the cigarette)
before i get to your specific question, just a little something, because you’ve unknowingly shed light on one of my B I G G E S T struggles: i’m actually real shit at consuming content myself. i have a horrible concentration span and focus issues in general, and i tend to have tunnel vision for academia and hence spend nine months of the year memorising vocab blindly and watching like three episodes of anime. i regularly try to get myself out of this habit but It’s Hard™, so instead i try to make academic choices which will automatically bring new content to the table. choosing essay topics that i’m not familiar with, using the mandatory individual reading requirements to check out books i’ve been meaning to read, trying to do more than the required reading while i’m at it, etc etc. i also try to make lists of things to watch/read every summer, but usually end up being distracted with my writing projects. 
however, kinda good AND bad news. i only started getting stuck re: content consumption after moving to france and starting uni. in india my consumption was OFF THE CHARTS. eating through books and shows, doing research about all sorts of things, you name it. the good aspect of this is that as a child/teenager i already took in a way-above-average amount of information that still keeps me Smart and Cool™ in conversations to this day, but the bad aspect is that most of this was a form of escapism, a way to feed my insomnia back in the day, and then a horrible tangle with my depression which all ended in a huge mess. result: i was a pretentious fuckwit with an enormous amount of trivia in my head, but i was a manically depressed pretentious fuckwit with an enormous amount of trivia in my head, and what’s more-- the most hilarious-- i was actually terrified of moving out of my comfort zone in certain aspects. i used to read new things all the time, sure, watch new shows. but i’d also watch the same shows over and over until i memorised them, read the same books and poems out loud to myself, write the same kinds of fics, listen to the same artists. yeah, that one was weird as shit-- i couldn’t listen to new music, i just didn’t have the courage. the FIRST ever thing my therapist told me to do was check out a new artist by the time we had our second session. that’s when i discovered the national, one of the two most important bands of my life, and since that day i’ve made it a point to listen to at least one new artist a month.
anyway.
so then i moved to france, which was the best thing that could happen to me ever. however, as i quickly discovered (and sometimes still reel from), whether i like perpetuating this mindset or not (i don’t) the truth is at least for me, it seemed for a while that it was my very depression that kept me so Creative and Hungry For Knowledge and Pretentious Fuckwit. the happier i got, the “lazier” i got. i stopped writing for a year straight because i didn’t feel the urge to create anymore, i stopped consuming content because Who Cares I’m Living In The Moment I’m Finally Happy I Don’t Need To Hide Behind A Book. etcetera. most importantly: i was INSANELY focused on learning french and getting into the university of my choice, and since i kept seeing results in that department, i was happy with what my brain was doing.
then this dude broke my heart. if you’re from the jaywalkers readership, that’s when i started writing jaywalkers. you see how that doesn’t help the whole “no no, i’m only intelligent when i’m SAAAD” thing. i wrote jaywalkers, i wrote other fics, i wrote poetry, i sang songs and watched anime and read books and i used my brain more than i’d used it in the entirety of the year before this happened, and i was like, this is it. if i want to be great, i’ve got to be miserable. 
two years later, i’m here to tell you that it’s bullshit. bullshit, you’ve gotta be sad to learn things. it’s the best thing for being sad is to learn something, NOT the best thing for learning something is to be sad. i let my habit of seeking comfort by reading/writing make me believe that i could only do that when i was heartbroken. it took me two years to understand that i was wrong. i could’ve been doing all sorts of bullshit in those two years. i could’ve watched all the james bond films! i haven’t watched all the james bond films!
does that mean i’m magically feeding myself knowledge again? nope. because it’s not all about feelings. it’s also about how much time i have, how much energy (physical and mental) i have. i still have a shitty concentration span and can barely make it through a movie without getting the creepy-crawlies over my skin. i still have to do three different things simultaneously or i’ll never get any of them done. i gotta skype someone while doing the dishes. i gotta skype someone while eating. i can’t just eat. i can’t JUST read. i SURE as hell can’t just watch something. but you know what? the only reason i figured (am still figuring) all of this out is because i got rid of the initial block that said i don’t want to. i had to realise that it was up to me whether i consumed content or not, and once i did, THEN i could get to solving the practical problems that came with it.
it’s still a work in progress. a very, VERY fresh work in progress, because i’ve only started implementing big changes this spring/summer. it’s a lot of trial and error, but there’s a lot of solutions. turns out i’m better at keeping up with shows if i make it a regular date night thing with my boyfriend. i’m better at reading things on my kindle since it throws me back to my bookworm days when i had physical books. i’m actually better at listening to content sometimes, which was a huge surprise since i’ve always staunchly believed that my auditory comprehension is utter shit. but i’m still working it out u know? i’ll make it. i don’t want to stagnate anymore.
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NOW. ONTO YOUR ACTUAL QUESTION.
here’s the thing, i’m REALLY shitty at keeping up with ongoing content. my preferred m.o. is waiting for whatever ongoing thing interested me to not be ongoing anymore, and then i binge. it’s a concentration/stamina/fucks thing. hence what i do is subscribe to anything i like and save it for later.
like i like knowing what my favourite authors are up to, so i subscribe to them. if an ongoing fic’s summary seems interesting i subscribe to the writer, that way if they write something shorter/complete i can check out their writing style, and i’ll still get updates if the main fic is completed. then i save those update notifs until a time that i can get to them, so that they’re little reminders in my inbox:
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i also keep lists of everything that i want to check out at some point. i try not to give myself deadlines (anymore) because i literally never stick to them when it comes to consuming content and i end up feeling like shit. i used to have like, “SUMMER 2016″ lists and shit with like seven movies and three shows and i’d never do any of it completely and that sad little list would just lie there. so instead now i try to just make lists, period. it’s like a humongous queue of things that i want to check out, and whenever i have the time/willingness for it, i refer to it. 
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 and then i keep a list where i keep track of what i checked out.
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i find that it’s less pressurising to make a separate list of what i accomplished as opposed to having a to-do list where you check things off. because like, get this. so you have a to-do that isn’t urgent, right? not like, groceries, dinner, dishes. for those it’s totally important to have a reminder right in front of you, like do your dishes brah. but for things like this, especially for someone like me who’s a flake and will say “i’m gonna watch this movie tonight” and then will literally stare in your face without a word the entire evening and not watch the movie, it’s really shit to have a “TO DO: THINGS TO READ” which just lies untouched for a month straight.
instead, i keep a reference list. and then, when i do something, i note it down. that way i satisfy my inner list monster like “i did a thing today!” and at the same time avoid the disappointment of staring at a pileup of titles that don’t have a strikethrough. this helps with everything that isn’t urgent tbh. if you can afford it practically, don’t make a “what i have to do” list. make a “what i did today” list. it actually helps you to stay positive.
NEXT. i also always, always, always invite recs from my friends. this part involves having exceptionally patient friends, because i always ask for recs. and then i never check them out. literally me checking out a rec is a once in a blue moon thing, so my friends ( @fyolette in particular, may the lord bless her) really have a calm mind because they still always send me things they think i’ll like. i’m eternally grateful for this, ETERNALLY. 
so then i make a list of those. recs most commonly involve fics and music. i try to check out music recs within the day/week, and fic recs get tabbed on my favourite chrome extension ever: onetab.
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boom. beautiful.
NEXT. how to retain all that Good Content™ that you binge? there’s no easy way, you have to figure it out on your own. before my depression hit i had an incredible memory and grasping power, basically reading through something once was enough to memorise it. this ability took a major hit in high school (which i nearly failed by the way, despite being one of the TOP students of my school), and i’ve never really come back to my full form. most days i fear that i never will, but i still have faith. it’s a long life. and hey, even if i don’t, i don’t shy from hard work. i’m willing to replace what was once natural intelligence with hours of manual labour if i have to. that’s a choice i’ll make. 
personally, saying things out loud helps me lots. making flashcards for everything too. i like anki, it’s pretty clean and friendly, but i also struggle with screens when it comes to learning. for me the best way to learn something is to write it out by hand. there’s something about the motion of writing that permanently inks things in my head, so i try to do it whenever i can. i’m trying to shift to digital methods more, though, to save time/money/resources. i like having a split-view. i’ll open whatever i’m reading on one half of the screen, and a notepad on the other, and constantly paraphrase. paraphrasing really helps me. another fantastic thing is to highlight anything unfamiliar (technical jargon, unfamiliar names, cited works, even pop culture references that you don’t get) and make it a rule to google all of it at the end of your reading session. not immediately-- you’ll get sucked into the black hole that is wikipedia and leave your novel aside. do the reading first unless your highlighted term is essential to understanding, and then check out whatever you set aside. that way you understand your current content better, and also branch out into related topics. 
i can go on about these tips for ages so if you have any specific questions/would like me to elaborate, hmu.
NEXT. your...actual...question...what content i keep up with...
so firstly, fic, because fic is life. i’m subscribed to: gentlestars, mindheist, porridgemilk, potter, retox, and rix. i’m also subscribed to a bunch of fics/series but would prefer to keep them private, so hmu off-anon if u’d like to know which ones!
i also kept up with OMGCP for an astonishingly long amount of time (for me) and then dropped off, but i do hope to catch up this summer. i adore OMGCP. i also started on WTNV the moment i realised that i’m good with audio stuff now, but i deliberately don’t binge it because its episodic narrative allows me to be sporadic, and WTNV is not something u binge. it’s something u feel in ur heart.
for music, i’m a mainstream hoe so spotify’s global top 50 is always great, i also love their daily mixes. spotify in general is fantastic, sometimes i like setting up a song radio and listening to similar music, it’s great. my cousin/best friend abhi always hits me up with fantastic music recs, he really knows my taste and knows when to insist that i listen to something. always ends up in my library.
the only thing i do on youtube is watch cooking videos and vine compilations honestly (btw nathan/ayitspnayo is the prince of my heart so i’m very much subscribed to him on snapchat, along with vice magazine and lemonde) but my favourites are sortedfood and peaceful cuisine. apart from those two the only channel i really keep up with on youtube is med school insiders. i love this dude. this dude is like my clip art older brother. 
for shows i’m currently crawling through weightlifting fairy kim bokjoo, and waiting for narcos S3 and GOT S7. i want to binge either brooklyn 99 or it’s always sunny in philadelphia, or parks and recreation. i don’t know, something funny, u know. we’ll see. 
of course it’s incomplete without a tumblr shoutout. i love lolmythesis, wizzard890,  pyrrhiccomedy, fyolette, saintjoan and some others that i don’t follow but keep bookmarked to check regularly. also, pretty random, but reddit is fantastic for trivia and more-than-trivia. the todayilearned sub is gold.
so there u go! i’m sure i’ve missed out on some stuff (it’s 4 AM how did this happen i started answering this at 2) and maybe none of this is useful as opposed to half of it being useful, but i sincerely hope that there’s a miracle and ALL of it is useful to u. it’s never too late to start learning things, and i know that it’s overwhelming when u feel like u don’t have any kind of base so u don’t know where to start. like where does one start learning the history of everything. what does one do to get to the point where u know some obscure detail about nikola tesla’s life? i feel u! i feel u! but u gotta start somewhere. pick something that interests u and branch out from it. u can’t know Everything about Everything Ever anyway, so why not accept that from the get-go and spend ur time wisely learning about what u really want to learn about! 
and it’s such a big world. i’m sure there’s so much you want to learn about. 
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