#also jensen's response to this question was to tell the story about how he stabbed jared in the scene after dean kills cain

[aliusfrater]

a fan in this panel i'm watching asked about the cas and collette paralells so i got curious and went looking through s10 for castiel and collette mirroring but i didn't find any so now, genuinely wondering what's being paralleled between the two in a way that also mirrors dean and cas to cain and collette, i just straight up looked it up on here and the num1 reason just seems to be sam omission

[nerdylittleshit]

Thoughts about Spn 13x05

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

Content Warning: mentions of suicide

What an episode. There was a lot in it, a lot. Even though the case was rather simply, it was so full of layers over layers you might call it puff pastry. And as much as last week’s episode was about Sam and Jack, this week was all about Dean, from every angle. And as painful as it was to watch all of Dean’s despair the episode gave us one of the most beautiful, hopeful endings. Steve Yockey continues to be one of the currently best writers (I’m still amazed with all the talent to new writers brought to the show). So, let’s take a closer look.

The Cure

It was an unusual long teaser this week, but it did the job right, because even though I knew what was coming (or maybe because of it) I sat anxious in front of my screen. The actual ghost story was rather simple and something we saw quite similar back in 1x10. What is interesting about it is how both the victims and the ghost of the doctor inform Sam and Dean’s story. We start the story with two boys, thinking of them as a unit, only to learn later about a third friend, and that the three of them were inseparable. They split up and in the end two of them died. Parallel to that we start the episode with two Winchesters and end it with three. The last time the three of them weren’t on the same page one of them ended up dead.

Dean is mirrored with Shawn. After the traumatic event of seeing his best friend die Shawn became mute, the same way Dean was mute after his mother died (and Lucas in 1x03 who was back then a Dean mirror as well). Shawn tells Dean in the veil that he misses his mom and he wants to go home. Dean of course longs for a home as well and misses his mother. Dean lost his mother and Shawn’s mother loses her son – two parents and children separated by death.

The most interesting parallel though is the fact that Dr. Meadows tried to cure his patients by performing a lobotomy. He did it to treat mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. Not only did it result in the death of many patients, but it is also the wrong treatment by modern medicine standard. And even though Sam of course doesn’t try to lobotomize his brother, his cure/treatment for Dean is wrong as well. This episode is a great example of how Sam sees/reads his brother, or rather the performance Dean puts on, and the layer underneath. Sam is aware that Dean is not ok, that the fact that he no longer believes in anything is a warning sign, and his intentions might be good (reading reviews for a strip-club, my heart), but the ways he tries to cheer up are as effective as trying to fix a missing limb with a band aid. He only sees the tip of the iceberg, but the fact that Dean so casually killed himself might have given him an idea how bad it really is for Dean.

The Wounded Hunter

Oh Dean. Dean, Dean, Dean. Partly responsible for Sam’s blindness when it comes to his big brother is of course Dean’s willingness to participate in the performance. He tells Sam that he will be ok, that he will get through, with “bullets, bacon, booze” (interestingly no women), and we can’t blame Sam that he wants to believe that. Especially as Dean actually goes to the strip-club, though it appears only to get drunk. But we see how deep Dean is buried in his grief the moment they start to work the case at the abandoned hospital. He seems almost apathetic when the doctor attacks him, as if he is willing to risk it (dying). The most heartbreaking moment is though he calm he was when he talked about killing himself in front of Sam. It is the third time Dean killed himself in order to get to the veil. In 6x11 he did it because it was the only way to talk to Death and get Sam’s soul back. In 11x17 we see how messed up he really is, demonstrating the whole ugly truth about his co-dependent relationship to Sam. But here? It is just a means to an end, another hunter-tool. Dean is fully aware of the risk and even then it seems like part of him wants to die. Of course there is difference between actively wanting to die (because Dean’s goal is to talk to the ghosts) and choosing death, which he later does in his conversation with Billie.

We already talked about the absence of deals in this season (even though Dean asked Chuck for help), which in general is a good thing and progress. We see this theme continued here, with Dean offering a deal, but he neither asks for his own life or for Billie to bring back Cas and/or Mary, but only the ghosts of the victims to be freed (though technically Dean knows that Billie doesn’t have the power to bring back Cas). On the surface it looks like an altruistic act, but Billie sees right through Dean’s act.

Billie: […] You have changed, and you tell people it's not a big deal. You tell people you'll work through it, but you know you won't, you can't, and that scares the hell out of you or am I wrong?

Dean: What do you want me to say? It doesn't matter, I don't matter.

Billie: Don't you?

Dean: I couldn't save Mom. I couldn't save Cas. I can't even save a scared little kid. Sam keeps trying to fix it, but I just keep dragging him down. So I'm not gonna beg, okay. If it's my time, it's my time.

Billie: You really believe that. You wanna die. Dean, every notebook on this particular shelf tells a version of how you die. You specifically. Heart attack, burned by a red-haired witch, stabbed by a ghoul in a graveyard, and on and on. But which one's right? That depends on you. On the choices you make.

Dean: Well I guess I made my choice.

This huge pile of angst is so revealing when it comes down to how Dean’s purpose in life has changed. He defined himself over his job, both hunting and protecting his brother. But what is the purpose of a hunter if he no longer can save the people closest to him, the people he loves? If he can’t even save strangers? If he only seems himself as a burden to his brother, as someone whose actions no longer have any value?

Both Sam and Dean make a small step in the right direction in the end, with Sam refusing to let go and forcing Dean to talk, instead of trying to be nice, and with Dean opening up. Dean who admits that he is not ok, that even though he has lost people before (John, Bobby), this time it is different. He needs a win, and it is no coincidence that he echoes Cas’s words from 12x19 here. Cas’s desperation for a win has led him to make all the wrong choices (releasing Lucifer, betraying the Winchesters etc) and got him killed in the end.

The last two or so minutes of the episode were a thing of beauty. The music choice was great (Steppenwolf’s “It’s never too late”) and even though we all expected the “Hello Dean” I really liked that they choose the show the return of Cas without words. Kudos to Jensen and Misha, and John F. Showalter, for acting and directing the scene the way they did. (And did you all notice that giant neon cross in the scene? They couldn’t have made it clearer that Dean has found his faith again.)

Death Becomes Her

Remember all that speculation if Billie is the new Death? Guess what, you were right guys. Well, somehow. But as much as I am delighted that Billie is back (as the big boss) I have two questions: Does that mean that in the time between 10x23 and 12x09 there was no Death? Who was in charge? And did Billie got herself killed on purpose knowing that she would get a promotion? (Ok, three questions). Because making deals with the Winchesters is a fool proof way to get yourself killed. She also says that killing her is what got Cas killed (in a way), confirming that the cosmic consequences of breaking the deal were indeed Cas’s death and possibly the opening to the alternative universe.

Speaking of, I wonder why Billie is interested in the multiple worlds (and if she perhaps has her own agenda regarding Jack). My only speculation is that opening the rift between the worlds could cause cosmic imbalance. If people (especially those who are dead in one world and alive in another) travel through the worlds it will cause chaos. We already saw that with Mary, who wasn’t supposed to be alive, and the ripple effect her actions caused.

I found it rather amusing that Billie had her table in her huge office right in front of the “W” section (though I admit I thought the Winchesters would have a whole shelf for themselves by now). The fact that multiple notebooks exist with all kind of possible deaths for Dean (and Sam as well) confirms that the future isn’t set in stone (something Missouri already told us and is in stark contrast to the idea of Jack seeing the future in 12x19). (Also, a red haired witch? Rowena?)

With her new job Billie sees the bigger picture and knows now why the old Death has brought back Sam and Dean so many times. She tells Dean that he and Sam are important, that they got work to do, without telling them exactly why. Just as Chuck Billie puts a massive amount of responsibility into the hands of Sam and Dean, something that at least Dean has admitted he has no interest in. It is possible this is related to Jack, as I can imagine that he will play a bigger role on a cosmic scale in the future (he could be the one to bring balance).

Some other things:

- The PB&J. Remember how we all speculated who would be the one Dean is making it for (Jack or Cas)? And none of us considered that Dean would make it for himself. Interestingly enough the PB&J is tied to both Mary and Cas. Mary is the one who used to make sandwiches for Dean; the PB&J is a childhood memory and comfort food. On the other hand though we all associate PB&J with Cas since 9x11, and in hindsight we could say the PB&J foreshadowed Cas’s return. (I’m sure there is crack meta already out there, explaining how it was the PB&J that brought Cas back and that @elizabethrobertajones has written already 10.000 words about it <3)

- Jack digging through Sam’s old DVD’s, becoming a full time nerd. (Please let the two of them make awkward references soon).

- Dean living out his cowboy fantasy with his boyfriend next week. (It is the cowboy boots that make him sexy)